The Princess' Speech

by ConnVolpe

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Other, Princess Celestia, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 2741

[2nd person] Standing next to the Princess doesn't work out like you thought it would.

[2ND PERSON]
"Behold the Princess of the Sun cometh."

The time for the annual addressing of the Royal Guard has arrived once again, and you have the best seat in the house: right next to the Princess. All you have to do is remember your cues. Nothing could possibly go wrong...

Published 2013-07-20 16:30:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-07-20 16:30:02 UTC

Guard Duty

A midsummer’s afternoon set the stage for annual addressing the Royal Guard, not only the police force for the entire country but also the army, the navy and the air force. And now, they stood before you in the Royal Gardens, neatly organised into their own platoons of 50 stallions and mares. The sea of polished golden armour outshone the most gleaming gemstones, as the sun’s dying rays shimmer off of it.

Every individual was posed in a Military-Standard Formal Stance. Their chins held high and their eyes alert, as they watched for the signal of the speech’s beginning. Yet nothing was happening. No pony dared to move, unless called upon by their superiors. They stood waiting. The tension held firm, as your gaze fell upon them.

You stood on the palace balcony, looking out over them. You could not smile, nor could you move, lest you break the illusion of your power. You looked straight at them, glaring at any soldier that dared to make eye contact. You waited to announce her arrival; the silence preceding it hitting each soldier like a brick wall. As you heard the click of the doors opening, your time to speak came.

“Behold. The Princess of the Sun cometh.”

You admire the volume of your voice with a quick smirk as the doors creak open to allow the Princess passage to the balcony. The deafening roar of the crowd was only matched by the composure she had when faced with such a racket. She stood, mane blowing majestically behind her, as she clears her throat with a loud cough into her golden-clad hoof. That cough began echoing around the gardens, bouncing off every available piece of armour, causing it to vibrate. All the guards were ignoring the shaking of their armour, but the faint buzzing of vibrating metal gave it away.

“Guards of the Equestrian Frontier, hear me!” Her voice loud and clear, you fight the urge to cover your ears. Being the Princess’ personal guard when she was using the Royal Canterlot voice was punishment to your ears, but no pony could disagree that it lead to some of the best seats in the house.

“Your efforts throughout this land have been commendable, and never has it been as prevalent as within these past few years. With the return of my beloved sister, as well as the terrorism of Discord and the Changeling swarms, each one of us have been tried to our very limits…” Celestia projected, a calm yet serious tone befalling every syllable she uttered.

You, however, were distracted by your glorious view, or lack of, so to speak. Something stood in your way, and something large and powerful looking at that. Neither of you were daring enough to move towards the other, a stalemate if you’d ever seen one. It was wobbling in the breeze, swaying from side to side, inviting you to make the first move towards it. The invite would have been enticing and the movements hypnotising to a lesser mind.

You were above such weakness though. Your only thought was that it was distracting you from an otherwise enthralling speech. You lean slightly to your right, trying to get a better view, but to no avail, for you cannot still see past it.

“With all we have faced, we could not have hoped for less permanent damage to our lands. Each and every one of you have played a part in limiting such problems, and for that, I am eternally thankful” Celestia continued, a tone of relief and cheer accompanying each word.

You could not see her smile though, your sight still blocked. Its celestial fluttering was showing no signs of moving out of sight, instead coming closer to you. Its approach was slow, but soon it came within range. The world fell silent as its tip began flickering on top of your nose. You could smell its odour.

Vanilla. You like Vanilla. You subtly took a deeper breath to smell more of the delightful scent. You were enchanted by the dancing of both the tail on your nose and the smell that had bewitched you. Anything that was not vanilla was lost to you. Any pleas fell on deaf ears. Nothing was going to disrupt you except-

“Step forward please, Lieutenant.” The Princess’ call provoked your immediate withdrawal from your day dream. You blink in shock as you realise something. She’d caught you not paying attention. Oh Celestia, what was she going to do to you? She hid a giggle with a cough as you began blinking rapidly. You knew she knew what exactly you had been looking at, as you began darting between looking at the princess and what had been blocking your view.

Fully aware of what exactly you had been staring at, you blushed hard as you took a step towards the edge of the balcony. From this distance, few could see your embarrassment, but it did nothing to strengthen your already stunted confidence. You turned toward the Princess for your addressing, lost in thought about what she could possibly have in store for you.
With a smile towards you, she calmly motioned for you to stand at ease.

“You are the prime example of such a soldier, Lieutenant. Brave in the face of danger, you alone rescued many nobles, including my very own sister, from the changeling swarms. I can only thank you, and so, in the absence of Captain Shining Armour in light of his decision to be with Princess Mi Amore Cadenza in the Crystal Empire, it brings me great honour to promote you from First Lieutenant to Captain of the Guard.”

Those last few words echoed around, in the Princess’ silence, signalling a synchronised one-two hoof stomp as approval from your guard. Your golden helmet was lifted off your head, and your mane fell freely. The fresh air felt good: your armour being a bit stuffy after standing and listening to the speech. Soon enough though, a purple helmet with golden trim and blue crest was placed upon your head. It was a helmet you had seen before; worn by a stallion you had never talked to nor needed to, but you understood the stallion’s power and position, and held the upmost respect for him.

You took a deep breath and turned from the princess’ smile to the awaiting crowd. As straight a face as possible, you looked them over, revelling in your new power. As if to show off, you salute your comrades and hear the metallic ringing of horseshoe meeting helmet as the entire Equestrian forces saluted back.

After a moment’s pause, you lower your own hoof and reassume your position facing Princess Celestia. Her smile was no longer just that, it had turned to an amused grin, one of cunning and inspiration. The Princess certainly had something in store for her newly appointed Captain.

“Go and make a name for yourself. Be a role model for all future generations of ponies, let them look up to you and aspire to be more. You shall lead, neither from behind the scenes nor from the rear of your legions, but from the front, to breech any danger that is plotted against this country and its residents, be they a kind-hearted hind of Ponyville, or a royal, like myself. Know that this seat of great power comes with great responsibility and it will test you to your every essence. You will need to be stern but know that you can also get the bottom of anything with hard work and your fellow guards by your side.”

The Princess still had that ominous grin, and had placed emphasis on a few select words. Why she had done that, you asked yourself, as she leant in and whispered something unexpected in your ear in the most self-delighted tone you had ever heard, “Just don’t make an ass of yourself, Captain.” With that, she withdrew her muzzle and straightened up again. Princess Celestia was definitely more mysterious than her sister in many ways, and left you thinking as you withdrew yourself from the edge of the balcony.

You were left with an expression of utmost confusion, as a variety of emotions filtered through your head: worry, curiosity, happiness. All of which came back to confusion. Celestia had begun making puns during, what was meant to be, a normal addressing of the guard. Was she out to mock you before you even began to lead them, or was it simply a little joke that she had gotten carried away with? Whatever she’d meant it to be, she’d left you flustered, knowing that she’d done it because you were staring; lost in the mass of pony that had blocked your vision.

With a sigh, you took up your position behind the princess to resume your guarding duties. You tried to forget what had just transpired, but you felt that it would never go away, so you feel it best to try and repress it for now. Closing your eyes and taking in a deep breath, you push the feelings of confusion away. You let it all out in one large exhalation, and look up, ready for anything.

It was there, inches from flicking your nose again. It once again blocked any view you could get of the rest of the Princess’ speech. You ignored it as best as you could. Paying it any mind would only lead to exacerbating your own problems.

“This rare occasion, speaking to each and every one of you, has been my pleasure. Now though, I must take my leave. The Sun will not set by itself.”

The crowd’s uproar of stamping hooves was enough to make even the Princess flinch slightly, yet she remained graceful. You wonder if there was anything you could do to make her break such a demeanour. She raised her hoof in a salute, and so did you. Soon enough, the buzzing of metal vibrating began as horseshoe hit helmet once again, as the Guard saluted back. Pleased with their signal of appreciation, Celestia removed herself from the edge of the balcony in one long stride backwards, directly into you.

You both froze; you in shock and the Princess in surprise. You couldn’t move away. It wasn’t your fault; somepony had put a wall in your way. You had been left with your muzzle poking both through your silk-like distracter and in-between the mounds of the white pony behind it.

You panicked. Your eyes went wide in fear and surprise. The vanilla scent that had lingered was now stronger than ever. You tried to resist the overwhelming urge to inhale deeply, to savour that flavoured smell so much you could taste it, but it was futile. You took a long deep breath in, and it worked.

Vanilla danced on your taste buds. Chocolate and Strawberry had nothing on the natural creaminess that was Vanilla. You melt, every brain cell misfiring to create fireworks inside your head. Your eyes close in bliss, and the moment fell still; the wind did not blow, the sun did not shine, and the crowd did not make a noise.

The crowd could still see you. You begin to hyperventilate, as the shock that the entire guard may have just seen you sniff the Princess like a common mutt. You back-peddle, not far enough to be out of view, but able to remove your muzzle from its vanilla-scented captor.

Your head darts around to examine your potentially embarrassing situation. There were no guard anymore; the crowd was all but gone. A last few stragglers made their way through the gates, not turning to see you. Only you and the Princess were remaining.

“The coast is clear, Captain. No-one saw.” The calmness of the Princess’ voice took near immediate effect. Your heart reduced its attempts to break through your chest, your lungs finally retained oxygen for you to breathe normally. You took a look of how she was handling the situation, and it wasn’t entirely what you had expected.

You were worried about the Princess and you had good reason to be. Celestia still hadn’t moved. She had frozen up due to your violation of her most personal space; her composure and grace in ruins. Only her ethereal mane was moving, and even that was sagging slightly.

You blink as her head slowly turns toward you, looking at you in confusion; confusion very similar to your own. It lasted for only a few seconds but her mood changed immediately, and she smirked. Not a gentle smile, but a mischievous smirk.
She turned and sauntered past you, hypnotising you with an unusual swaying of her body, accompanying each step she took, stopping right beside you. You would have liked to take a step away from the princess: her body invading your personal space. Being the princess, you couldn’t step away as you would have liked to and dug deep to muster the strength to ignore the distracting rhythm of the Princess’ swaying.

Seeing this, she leant in towards you, her magenta eyes inches from your own, and her muzzle even closer to your ear.
Half-lidded, she smirked again and reduced the gap between you to all but a few centimetres. You could feel her warm breath on the most sensitive parts of your ear. She breathed a little heavier, seeing it made you uncomfortable, and when she was satisfied, she whispered to you in a very unprincess-like fashion.

“You are dismissed, Captain. You are free to do whatever you want.” Adding a little bit of exaggeration to a few words, the order you had heard thousands of times had been riddled with innuendo. You blush, unable to hold it back, as her smooth voice delighted every sense you had. You were certainly getting a little hot under the collar.

Straightening up, you formally salute the Princess as acknowledgement of that order. She was still the princess after all, even if she was behaving like a trickster rather than royalty. Trying to hide a mischievous smirk, she nodded in approval and left you alone at a slow pace, but not before she had gone for one more teasing gesture. She let her tail trail, and brush against the underside of your chin in a smooth motion, leaving dazing you with her vanilla fragrance one last time. The silky tail was gone as soon as it came, and it took all of your will to not turn your head.

But finally, you were relieved of your duties for the night. Taking a deep breath, you stand at ease, looking to the sky and the glimmering sunset. Being near day’s end, you were exhausted. Your head fell lower with every second, almost dozing off where you stand. You yawn, hearing your comfortable bed calling you.

As you made your way to leave, you notice the Princess standing in the doorway, lowering the sun. You blink, not knowing what to do, as you witness Celestia’s light golden aura fade from her horn. She was looking at you all the while, still smirking, still with mischievous intentions.

“Come. It’s late. Somepony forgot to assign a guard to my chambers so I need my big strong Captain to protect me while I sleep.” She poked her tongue out at you as if she had purposely ‘neglected’ to mention such a fact earlier, just so you couldn’t avoid it. She withdrew herself from the balcony, retreating to the candle lit stairwell inside. She reached out with her magic to shut the doors behind her, finding the time for one last flirt.

“I’ve always liked the silent ones. They try so hard to please me, and they make the cutest faces when they think they’re in trouble.” As if it were an invite, she gave a brief wink, her tongue still poking out in a childish manner. The doors shut with a click and all that could be heard was a filly-like giggle echoing from inside. You had been left stranded with the dying light of the sun, and the red sky that accompanied it.

You were confused and you were sad, but most of all, you were tired. You were barely standing, but there was no rest for you yet: you had a Princess to guard.

Author's Note

I just wrote a whole story because I doodled Celestia's bum.
Best use of my time ever!