Who Censored Pinkie Pie

by Fireing bow

Rating: teen
Tags: Queen Chrysalis, Pinkie Pie, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Original Character, Mystery, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders
Length: 3414

An eccentric pony and a cynic team up in an unlikely pairing to solve a murder. What could go wrong?

Over the course of a few weeks, a string of seemingly unrelated murders have propped up and the only dick that’s capable enough to to tackle this job is a dick.

Unfortunately for hardboiled private eye Richard King, he and professional party planner Pinkie Pie must put aside their differences and work together to solve the death of a producer and a pegasus.

Published 2013-07-22 04:10:03 UTC
Last updated 2014-08-29 02:07:53 UTC

3. The Blue Electric Bar

3. The Blue Electric Bar

Detective Henry Kuper exited the main building of the DHX studios and was now entering the studio plaza. The atmosphere smelled like sweat and chlorine, but some people might say it smells like jasmine.

He saw a bunch of Toons going from one soundstage to the next, The Penguin from Batman the Animated series was walking up the stairs, glanced at him while Henry moved out of the way, and made loud "Humph!" and entered the building.

Henry walked down the stairs fast-walking to the parking lot so he could get the hell out of there. On his way, he saw a slue of famous Toons. A casting call for dogs to be in Pound Puppies, Bat-hound sniffing around the lot for the Joker probably, and even Iron Man from the Super Hero Squad show flying by with Superman. Continuing down the road the Littles Pet Shop pets once crowded around his feet, delaying him for a moment. After leaving the security check (Parasprites have always tried to escape the studio ever since they tried to re-introduce them in a different episode and the invaded L.A.) and made his way to his car.

Henry's car was a refurbished Aston Martin, like the ones from the early James Blond films. He got in with ease, buckled his seat belt, and started his car. After fumbling with the radio for a good station, he set on listening to A Prairie Home Companion segment titled Guy Noir: Private Eye. Henry proceeded out of the lot and back into the streets of Hollywood. Before he drove out onto the freeway, he took one last glance at the studio, it reminded him of the old Walt Disney studio he saw from "Saving Mr.Banks".

Driving, Henry thought about the task he had before him. It was only a few hours until nightfall but the idea of escorting Rainbow Dash to a dinner with Lauren Faust who were going to discuss the thought of a new MLP series. Henry turned off the radio as his stop was near. Henry put on his turn signal and drove into a large parking complex. He drove up to one of the upper floors, he found a parking space in one of the mid-level floors facing the center area of the building. Henry got out of his car, took out a computer bag and headed to the nearest elevator.

Henry tapped on a DVR app on his iPad using cellular services to record and episode of Warehouse 13. One of the passengers, a kid, was peering over his shoulder interested on what he was doing. "Hey mister, ain't you  have a DVR to record your shows on?" asked the kid in an obnoxious way.

"Who needs to use a DVR when we've got the best cellular service network in the world?" answered Henry in a joking tone of voice.

Henry exited the elevator and made way on his route to an apartment complex, well, actually it was more like a neighborhood that had a road with parking spots with a bunch of small apartment complexes, like apartments A through B, but he never parked his car in front of his apartment, he liked the walk. That, and he needed the exercise.

Henry went over to the mail boxes, after trying to not let the black and metallic text make him dizzy, he found his mail box. He opened it to reveal that there were nothing but bills inside. Henry, glancing around to make sure no peeping eyes were looking, threw them into a nearby garbage bin.

Henry then looked at his watch, 2:30 it read "Well, it's five o'clock somewhere." He said to himself along with a deep sigh. Across the street from the gated community where Henry lived was an old city bar that used to be a music recording studio. However, that was back when musicians used to record their music in places that were not skyscrapers. This one was called The Blue Electric Bar to pay homage to the recording studio that once used to be there. But, they still use the recording studio proper sometimes at night when the bar wasn't in use. Henry opened the door leading inside, the cool air conditioning blasting from the air conditioner greeted him as he entered. It was sweet release from the hot summer afternoon. Noticing that the main floor was crowded, he took to growing to the upper level.

Walking upstairs, while trying not to pass out from the scent of cigarettes, Henry saw a long-time bar patron passed out on a table next to the stair case exit. He wondered about that and walked up to the bar to stand next to his two drinking buddies. "What's wrong with Dave?" he asked to one of them.

"He was laid of." said one of the two with a raspy voice, an older man with grey hair wearing a Class B military uniform.

"Laid off? From his job at the Phaser beam cell phone company?" Henry was shocked to hear this kind of news, Dave was one of those hard working Americans that were good at there jobs.

"Yeah," said the second person "They said that they were bought out by some sort of new TV cable provider called Prism Cable."

Henry sat down on top of a stool, the other two went off to another part of the building to enjoy their drinks with other pals. However he just sat there, picked up a shot glass that was already filled with a drink, and proposed a toast.

"Here's to the hard workers, may the all die of being too lazy." and lifted up the glass to take a drink, only for a hand to cover up his chance at guzzling down the delicious liquor. Henry looked up to see a waitress about five feet and four inches tall with a round pale face, with freckles scattered across her cheeks, black short hair that covered up most of the half of her face; a peek-a-boo styled hair cut, and blue eyes.

"I don't think so dude." said the waitress.

"What? Kassidy, it's just a little shot." cried Henry.

"Yeah, and if I let you sip the one little shot then my boss is going to check the record books. And if he notices that you didn't pay the fine to the damage you did to the bar when that crazy Toon, Joker, broke out then I might lose my job." fired Kassidy with anger.

Henry took out the wadded up check in his pocket and opened it up and started to get rid of the creases as much as possible to make it look presentable. "We'll all that is about to change, check this out." said Henry giving Kassidy the check.

"Two hundred and fifty bucks?" asked Kassidy surprised by the amount, "Where's the other half."

"It's just one snoop job away. Anyway, do you have a smart phone I could borrow? Mine is in the shop." asked Henry

"That wouldn't be the pawn shop would it." said Kassidy in a rhetorical fashion, at that time she put the check in her pocket then continued to put away items such as dishes. Then she opened a cabinet on the wall and took out a used iPhone that has seen better days. "Alright, here's the phone." Kassidy handed him the phone. Although she was hesitant to at first because she was afraid that Henry may get in trouble if this is a snoop job. No, she knew he would be alright.

"Thanks." said Henry turning on the phone. He checked to see how many photos were stored on her phone, almost instantly coming across photos of a trip to Disneyland they took together. "We should go back to Disneyland sometime, it was a lot of fun." said Henry.

"Oh, you found those? Yeah, we should go back there sometime." Kassidy planted her self across from Henry, looking at him. Then she asked "Now tell me, where on God's good Earth did you get two hundred and fifty bucks?" asked Kassidy.

"Did you not check the scroll?" asked Henry. The scroll was one of the important parts of a check, well, aside from the amount written on it. "It's from Sarah Wall." he said.

"Sarah Wall?" asked Kassidy astounded. "As in, the executive producer of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic?" She then looked up at Henry expecting him to say "Bazinga!" Or "Just kidding!" But none of which happened. He just sat there sipping a glass of Blue Moon, and smiling.

"Yeppers." said Henry.

"My Little Pony, eh?" came a gruff, teasing voice coming from behind Henry, a man with a round, oily face wearing blue jeans and a blue button car service shirt with a name tag reading "David" sat down next to Henry. "So, what's this case involve Mr. Detective-to-the-stars." asked the man placing down an Inside-out Burger sack on the counter.

"What will it be." asked Kassidy in her give-me-your-order-so-I-don't-have-to-see-your-ugly-mug voice.

"I'll have a beer, Miss." said the grease monkey. "So tell me what happened," said the man, now talking to Henry "Did Apple Bloom have temper tantrum and run away? Or did Discord threaten to break the laws of physics?" he asked, sarcastically and while trying to hold back laughter.

"Cut it out David!" hissed Kassidy trying to not only to protect Henry, but also to prevent David from being injured.

"Oh wait, I got it!" Said David leaning up against Henry's shoulder struggling to hold back any exploding laughs of mocking, but he eventually sat up and pulled himself together and made a bad, Most Interesting Man in the World impression, "Somebody adult napped the parents of Applejack, Big Macintosh, and Apple Bloom, and you're helping Twilight Sparkle to find them." this time he couldn't help but explode into an uproar of laughing. However during that time, Henry was building up anger as David's jokes got more idiotic.

And so, Henry retaliated by kicking the bar stool out from under the jerk and yelled, making sure the guy could smell his drunken breath, and said "You listen, Jack-ass, I don't work for frackin'  candy coated, love and tolerate, demon spawned,Ponies!" at that, Henry took out man's burger from the take-out bag, stuffed it in his mouth, then stormed out of the building. Kassidy went out half way across the floor only to stop, with a worried look on her face.

David recovered and took his now ruined sandwich out of his mouth. "What's his problem." asked David while spitting out pieces of wrapper and burger out of his mouth, but still looking like he was unaffected by the event he just witnessed.

"A pony killed his brother," answered Kassidy trying to hold back any sign of weakness "His brother was killed by a pony a few months back when they were investigating a case in Ponyville." at that, everyone turned around in thier seat interested in what she had to say. "Dropped a pegasus statue on his head along with a potted plant and a few bails of hey." After that everyone went back to their booze, not surprised how the events transpired in a cartoonish manner.

But Kassidy was still standing there, almost felling a tear form in her eye. No one should experience a tragedy like that in their lifetime, not even Henry.

The Brown Derby

4.The Derby

It was about eight o'clock at night, the air was filled with the aroma of lady's perfume and men's Gin and Tonic. Lauren Faust's dress was nothing special just something simple, Rainbow Dash didn't have anything on but what do you expect? She's a toon. Henry made sure that his iPhone's audio recording function was on before he had left earlier that night before meeting with Faust and Dash. He could feel the weight in his shirt pocket knowing how awkward it feels to have thing that weighs more than 5 ounces pulling at your shirt.

The waiter guided them to a half circle booth along the far side of the the restaurant underneath all the autographed pictures of famous celebrity's. As they sat down, Lauren said "My friend Sarah told me you wanted to see if the rumors are true, whether I was going to be re-issuing another Friendship is Magic series, am I correct?"

The waiter asked the trio what they would like to drink, Henry ordered a Coke, Rainbow Dash and Lauren ordered a water. After the waiter left to carry on his job the conversation started back up again. Henry took off his glasses and rubbed the sides of his nose, "Yes, you are." How did she know? He thought to himself that same question over and over, blaming Sarah for spilling the beans, but he just let it go. "So tell me Mrs. Faust, we'll you be renewing the show?" even though she already asked his question for him, he still needed to ask it.

"I'm not, well, I mean I can't." Answered Lauren. But there was something about her voice that made it sound as if she was hiding something.

"What do you mean 'you can't'?" Henry wanted to press further into this, all information is valuable for a detective, even if it's useless to what's at hand.

"Hasbro doesn't have the resources necessary to pay for more episodes, or new tv shows." Lauren adjusted her seat and dress. It wasn't long until after the waiter came with their drinks and asked what they would like to eat. The conversation continued as if it had never been interrupted.

"So I assume you will be purchasing back the rights for your show, right?"  Henry noticed how interesting this has started to become.

"I don't have the money to do that, I only had enough to purchase the other 5 except Pinkie-"

"Can't get Pinkie?" Rainbow interrupted with ferocity "But we're the Elements of Harmony! Without all six of us, how will we be able to protect Equestria?" Rainbow Dash, Element of Loyalty, always stand by her friends side but can be a little hot headed at times.

" I'm sorry to disappoint you Rainbow, but I just font have the money. If I did, I would buy her back, but that will take a while, and even if I did she may already be purchased by another studio." Lauren reached across Rainbow's shoulder, comforting her like a mother would a child, tears came down Rainbow's face. No one deserves to loose a friend.

"So let me get this straight, the rumors are false about you developing another MLP show. You don't have the funds needed to buy back Pinky, why did DHX send a Detective to ask you this instead of sending in Sarah or Jayson?" Henry stepped off his soap box to let Lauren answer.

"I don't know, why did they send you?" This question threw him off guard.

"I don't know, but I do know someone will have to break the news to pinky." Said Henry nonchalantly. Lauren shot a fierce look at Henry, it gave him the chills.

"Don't tell Pinky, if she gets too sad, she'll turn into Pinkamena, her insane and depressed alter ego."

                                                        ---------------------

It was about 12:00 am at the DHX  Studio, the with Lauren Faust and Rainbow Dash, something that would make Henry the envy of Bronies everywhere, went well after he finished asking the questions. Henry was in Sarah Wall's, the producer of My Little Pony, office with Pinky Pie going over the sound recording of his Q and A.

Pinky was slamming her head on Sarah's desk crying out repeatedly "Why, Why, Why?!" While the tears coming out of her eyes made it look like Noah's second flood.

"Take comfort, Pinky, you're not the first cartoon who's creator as lost the rights to, take Oswald the Lucky Rabbit for example. Walt lost him to universal until 2006." Said Sarah, handing Pinky a Kleenex.

"But that's different!" Sobbed Pinky "Disney is determined to keep their characters, even ones they lost the rights to. But to have Lauren unable to purchase the rights to me?  I can't believe it, I won't believe it, I shan't believe it!" Pinky pounded her hoof on the table like a judge pounding a gavel and with the face to match.

"Believe it kid, I took the recording my self, she can't afford you." Henry gave the phone to Pinky who played the line where Lauren says "I don't have the money to do that, I only had enough to purchase the other 5 except Pinkie-" over and over again.

"Buts impossible, she created me, it's absolutely impossible. Lauren is the light of my life, the cupcake of my eye, the cream in my coffee!" Pinkie was practically squeezing the life out of the phone the way she was clutching it in her hands, hoping to find a a ray of hope.

"Then you better star drinking it black." Said Henry.

"Lauren has been my friend for years, I never expected her to be unable to afford the rights to one of her own creations." Sarah took a bottle of scotch off the book shelf from behind her desk and gave Pinkie a shot, "Here, drink this, it'll make you feel better."

Pinkie drank the entire shot of alcohol in one gulp, but then weird stuff started to happen. Her tail began to twitch, she changed colors and crossed her hooves, she stretched her body horizontal and vertical, then her head turned into a whistle and she shot up in the air making the dreaded high pitched noise. Everything that was fragile or glass in the room shattered into pieces. Sarah and Henry both covered their ears, Henry had a more difficult time, he was holding a bottle of whiskey.

After her performance she fell back down to the chair to rejoin her brethren "Thanks, I needed that." She said, then her head slammed back down on the desk.

Henry walked over to Sarah cautiously, not wanting to wake pinkie incase she did an encore of her last performance. "I think, if it's all the same to you, I'll have that extra karate now." Sarah nodded her head and gave him a check of $50,000.

"Don't worry Pinkie, even though Lauren can't afforded you doesn't mean you don't have any value." Sarah said trying to console Pinkie.

"Yeah," agreed Henry, "with a reputation like yours, all the producers in Hollywood will be breaking your door down." That made Pinkie snap.

"Producers? What producers? Lauren's the only one for me, you'll see! We'll get our selves out of this Picca…picedil…" Pinkie had a thing about unable to say tongue twisters "out of this pickle! And one way or another, we will be happy, capital H-A-P-P-I!" she then zoomed out, breaking through the window blinds and pane forming a perfect silhouette of her body.

"I think that went rather well." Said Henry. Sarah attempted to pull up the blinds, but it's comedic timing kicked in and  fell instead.

                                                 .................

Across the street from the studio lies an abandoned warehouse, it's still in use, but Acme Factory looks like it's abandoned even though the lights on the sign still light up every night. The light from the sign reflected off of the wet pavement of the street, suggesting it had rained earlier. The light then bounced off of a new visiter to the factory, a pink pony.

After Pinkie Pie stormed, maybe not stormed, she more or less broke out of the office. She trudged and sobbed her way over to the nearest place to sit that as far away from DHX as possible, which happened to be here. Pinkie sat down on a crate left for trash pick up and formed a wallet from her back, it doesn't make sense, but she's Pinkie Pie. The wallet held photos of her most memorial moments she had spent with Lauren and the rest of the Mane 6. The time they all met each other, the first episode of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, their first BronyCon, all of them happy moments.

But she realized how sudden it all came to an end. She thought this fun would always last forever, but time flies. "Please tell me this isn't so," she sobbed looking up into the sky "P-p-p-please." Pinkie formed a Kleenex and blew her nose.

                                                       .............