Celestia Gets Drunk

by Serina

Rating: teen
Tags: Main 6, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Random, Princess Celestia, Berry Punch
Length: 2391

After Twilight’s coronation all the girls go to the bar to have some drinks. Unfortunately Celestia can’t hold her liquor.

After Twilight’s coronation all the girls go to the bar to have some drinks. Unfortunately Celestia can’t hold her liquor.

My partner in crime: Diarch

Reading

Published 2013-07-22 23:10:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-07-22 23:10:02 UTC

A Night To Remeber... Even Though You Can't.

The street lamps lit the streets of Canterlot. It seemed quiet though a faint beat could be heard from a club down the alley. A bundle of ponies were making their way towards the beating of the bass. All of them trotting along to the rhythm, except one who was too busy bouncing ahead of the others and spinning around the lamp poles.

Pinkie Pie stopped and gasped causing Twilight to almost run into her. “There it is! The bestest most excitingest club ever!” She began bouncing towards the building quickly.

Twilight called after her. “Pinkie wait! You can’t just-” But she had already disappeared behind the building. She sighed and mumbled. “Nevermind.”

The group began walking towards the club again.

Celestia laid a wing on Twilight’s shoulder. “Come now, Twilight. She only wishes to have fun, besides in all my years I have never been to one of these ‘clubs.’”

Luna, Rainbow Dash, and Applejack tried to hide their laughs under a hoof. Luna leaned down next to the pair. “I bet you ten bits she passes out just from the beat of the bass.”

Rainbow Dash chuckled. “I bet you thirty bits she won’t be able to handle one shot of Applejack Daniels.”

Applejack rolled her eyes. “Come on now y’all. Let’s not go bettin’ bits on the Princess all willy nilly.”

Fluttershy nodded and added quietly. “I’ve never been to one of these things either. I’d hate for the Princess to feel, um, out of place...”

Rainbow Dash threw her arm around the pegasus. “Well, have we got a surprise in store for you-”

A loud bang followed by streamers and confetti rained down from the sky, as a pink pony appeared out from behind one of the lamp poles. “Did somepony say surprise?!”

All the ponies stood there, hearts racing for a moment, trying to comprehend what had just happened.

Twilight shook her head. “Pinkie Pie, why in Equestria did you bring your party cannon?”

Pinkie Pie was stuffing more party supplies down the cannon’s opening and chimed, “Well I thought since this is kind of like a party, and I love, love, love parties, I’d bring the bestest party supplier ever! And that’s my, 'pause for dramatic effect,' PARTY CANNON!” Another boom rang out as Pinkie pulled the string, sending another flurry of confetti over the group.

Rainbow Dash flew behind Pinkie Pie and grabbed her by the forelegs. “I think that’s enough, now come on the bass is waiting!” Rainbow Dash dragged Pinkie Pie away despite her huffed protests.

Twilight inwardly fainted but a smile remained on her face. Had to look good in front of her mentor and all.

The group headed behind the club where a burly unicorn stallion was smoking, but he quickly extinguished the cigarette by chucking it to the ground as his eyes fell on the three princesses in front of him. He bowed. “Your Highnesses.”

Twilight walked up to the stallion and dropped a bag of bits in front of him. “We need someplace that’s somewhat private but with a great view.”

The stallion quickly nodded and grabbed the bits. He enveloped the door in a gray aura, opening it for the group. “After you.”

The bunch headed inside, only to be met with neon lights blasting through the windows of the little room. Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie were sitting on an old couch but joined the others as they filed into the room.

The stallion trotted over to a door and opened it. “This leads to the second floor of the club. Reserved for V.I.P. only. There shouldn’t be too many ponies there.”

Twilight thanked the stallion as they headed up the stairwell up to a oak door with the letters V.I.P on the front. She pushed it open only to be blasted with the booming bass. The club must have had some type of noise canceler spell because it did not seem that loud in the tiny room. She trotted to the edge, there was no fence to keep them from falling, she tried not to think about the health hazards and looked at the crowd below. Colorful assortments of ponies met her eyes along with neon glowsticks and a lightning blue maned DJ on stage.

Rainbow Dash trotted up beside her as the other ponies took their seats. Princess Luna, Applejack, and Celestia sat at the bar while Pinkie Pie was adorning Fluttershy and Rarity in glowstick attire.

“You like the view from up here?”

Twilight nodded. “Oh, yes I do but I find it funny there’s no fence to protect ponies from falling.”

Rainbow Dash smirked. “Well, why don’t you find out.” Before Twilight could respond she was sent flailing into mid air.

I’m going to die. I’m going to- wait wings! She flapped with all her might only to hear Rainbow Dash's laughter from behind her. She paused. She looked down. She was laying in midair yet the floor where she was laying was colored a bright pink. She stood up only to be met by more colors under her hooves. It was a magic. A magical dance floor.

Twilight sighed in relief and smiled to herself. She trotted back to the carpeted area and turned to Rainbow. “Not funny.”

Rainbow held her sides as another wave of laughter hit her. “You should’ve seen, ha ha ha, your face.”

Twilight rolled her eyes and went to go join Pinkie pie and her other friends at a table.

Applejack hollered at Rainbow Dash. “Come on, Rainbow. You gonna join us or what?”

She flicked her rainbow mane and stood up. “I’m coming, AJ.” She trotted over to the bar and took a seat between Applejack and Luna. She called to a nicely dressed pony polishing a glass. “Hey bartender.”

She looked up from his polishing and laid the glass on the counter. “Yes, ladies. Can I help you to anything?”

Applejack rubbed her chin. “Well I’d like a- Berry Punch. Is that you?”

Berry laughed. “Don’t seem so surprised, AppleJack. I only work here on the weekends, but yes it is me.”

Luna chimed in. “I take it you’re from Ponyville?”

The magenta mare nodded. “You bet! I have my own little bar down there. My cousin runs it on the weekends so I can get a feel of what a real high end joint is like. Funny, I've never seen any princesses here before, well except Cadence anyway, but that was about two years back.”

Celestia’s eyes grew wide. “My niece was at a bar?!”

Berry Punch flinched from the sudden outburst and rubbed her arm. “Um, yeah. She came in with Shining and had a couple fruity drinks and they left.”

Celestia sighed and placed a hoof on her forehead. How little she knew about the nightlife was too overwhelming, not to mention the bass was pounding along with the growing headache.

Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. “Okay, onto our drinks. Me and AJ will have some Applejack Daniels and keep them coming till we pass out!” She laughed as the farm pony elbowed her side.

“You are goin’ regret taking me on, sugarcube.”

Rainbow rolled her eyes. “Don't be so confident. I was the drinking champ back in Cloudsdale, still am.”

The magenta pony returned carrying a tray with bottles on top. “Here you are girls, two Jacks to start you off.” She laid down two empty shot glasses.

Rainbow Dash smirked and poured a shot. “I’m so gonna beat you.”

Applejack grabbed her own drink. “Bring it, Dash.”

Luna nudged her sister in the side. “Oh look, ‘Tia. We get to witness a real live drink off!”

Celestia groaned in response and started to look at the countless bottles on the shelves in front of her, not recognizing any of the names.

Luna tapped her chin, her eyes lit up. “Hey, ‘Tia. Lets have our own drink off!”

The sun princess looked at her sister like she had lost her mind. “Why in Equestria would we do that?”

Luna pouted. “Because it’s fun. Can we? Please!”

She groaned and rubbed her temples. “Absolutely not.”

Luna folded her arms and pouted at her sister before smirking. “I guess that just proves you can’t handle the nightlife. I guess being the Princess of the Night is more fun after all.”

Celestia eyed her sister. “That is so not true! I can totally handle the nightlife!”

“No you can’t”

Celestia planted her hoof on the counter. “Oh yes I can!”

Luna smirked. “Then prove it.”

“Fine! You're on!” Celestia waved at Berry Punch. “Bartender, give us the same as Rainbow Dash and Applejack.”

“Are you sure, Princess? I mean it’s pretty strong stuff-”

Celestia wore a face of thunder. “I am absolutely sure.”

Berry gulped before nervously smiling and trotting towards the end of the counter. She returned a few moments later with Applejack Daniels and shot glasses prepared on a tray. She laid them down in front of the two sisters. “Is that all for now?”

Luna smiled. “Until we need more drinks. That’ll be it!”

Berry Punch nodded before trotting away to go serve Rarity and the others on the far end of the bar.

Luna smiled deviously, peering at the tray of drinks before her she said “I shall begin, prepare to meet your doom ‘Tia”, Luna took hold of the first shot and after examining it for a moment, slammed it down her throat with much gusto.

Luna let out a half choked sigh and coughed, “Tia, that was some good shit, try some.”

Celestia swirled the contents of her glass tentatively before sheepishly downing her own shot glass. The burn that met her throat was intense but she was determined to look unfazed. “Is that all you got, sister?”

Luna did naught but grin. “I have plenty more where that came from.” She poured another shot.

~35 shots later~

Rainbow dash and Applejack were passed out at the bar, both laying awkwardly on the counter, as Berry Punch was picking up their empty shot glasses.

Luna was smirking at her sister, who seemed to have lost control of her will to stay still. Slightly swaying from side to side, Celestia carefully picked up another shot glass and downed it. “Thaths it Woona you're goin fown.” She slurred.

Luna chuckled at her drunken sister. “I think I’ve already won.”

Celestia frowned and pounded her hooves on the counter. “You havth not! No! No! No winning for Woona!”

That was it, Luna couldn’t contain it anymore. She burst into an uncontrollable fit of laughter, barely able to stay seated in the bar stool.

Celestia pounded a hoof on the table. “Thith is not flunny!” She tried to get off the bar stool before realizing she barely had control of her legs. Landing straight on her face with her flank in the air, Luna’s laughing fit increased.

Celestia mumbled in annoyance and tried to balance herself. She finally managed to stand on all four wobbly legs. She never noticed how pretty this bar was before, how colorful. It was so pretty, so super pretty. Just like her. Alicorns are so pretty. She thought about that for a second before breaking out in a big grin. She wanted to make everypony pretty!

She turned to the bar her horn aglow.

Luna stopped laughing though still having a slightly drunk grin on her face “Um, ‘Tia what are you doing?”

Without answering her sister, Celestia looked straight at the bartender. She engulfed Berry Punch in a beam of magic and a loud pop, followed by a loud flash, rang out through the club.

Luna and the other ponies, excluding Rainbow Dash and Applejack who were still passed out, jumped at the unexpected pop and rubbed their eyes. What met their eyes next made their jaws drop.

Berry Punch was an alicorn.

Luna hurried to her sister’s side. “‘Tia, have you no sense?! We must return home at once, before anything else goes wrong or you hurt somepony.”

Berry Punch was busy flapping her wings and making things fly around the room in a faint pink glow. “Look everypony! I can use magic! I have wings!”

Celestia pushed her sister away. “No shister! I wanna make everypony pretty! Isn’th thath wonderful?” She raised her horn and and beams of yellow light engulfed the room. With several more pops followed by flashes. All the ponies on the second floor had been changed into alicorns.

Pinkie Pie bounced up and down in excitement, while Rarity squeed over her new wings.

Strangely enough, another pony that had not been seen emerged out of the back of the bar. Her purple cutie mark standing out from her grey coat. Octavia approached the princesses, alcohol lingering on her breath. “Do you have any explanation as to why I’m an alicorn now?”

Luna facehoofed and groaned. “Because my sister can’t handle alcohol.”

Octavia nodded. “I see.” She proceeded to leave with a smile on her face. “If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to be the best musically talented alicorn that ever lived! Ta-ta!”

Luna shouted after the cello playing pony. “Wait you can’t just leave! Wait- Damn it, she’s gone.” She turned to where Celestia was supposed to be standing. “You need to stop this- Wait where did you go?”

She galloped towards the V.I.P. door and down the stairs. When she reached the bottom she bucked the door into the lower section of the dance floor off it’s hinges, upon entering the room her jaw dropped and her ears fell flat against her head. Her sister was in the middle of the dance floor zapping everypony she could lay eyes on and the funny thing is that everypony seemed to be enjoying it. Even the DJ, who was also now an alicorn, was bobbing her head up and down, whipping out beats to this ‘change everypony into an alicorn party.’

Luna sighed and then shrugged. She flew next to her sister and started zapping ponies. You know what they say: If you can’t beat them, join them!

And that is how alicorns took over the world.

The End.

Author's Note

I have never been drunk or had alcohol. Never been to a bar or a club. So! Imagination~