And the Kitchen is your Battlefield!
BAKING IS WAR, SISTER
By Einhander
“C’mon Spike, we need to get going!”
“Guhh? What time is it?”
Spike opened his eyes and he saw his unicorn mentor staring at him with a snaky grin and crazyTwi eyes. But these were the good kind. At least, the less likely to result in disaster kind. They were the excited kind of crazyTwi eyes.
“It’s 6am, the sun’ll be up soon, I’ve made coffee and then it’s time to go to the Ponyville Arts and Crafts Fair!”
Spike stared at Twilight, eyes barely open. “The what?”
“You remember, Spike! It’s the first annual Ponyville Arts and Crafts fair!” She grabbed his blanket and started magically folding it, “There’ll be face painting and crafts for sale and food and all kinds of classes to sign up for! C’mon now—up’n at’em!”
Spike’s face was a blank. “Up'n what them?”
Twilight paused. “That’s the phrase ponies use, I think? Up and at them? Did I not shorten it properly?” Spike said nothing. “I’ve been trying to study up on my colloquial lingo.”
Finally Spike grabbed his blanket back. “Twilight, out of all times you've gotten me up early, out of all the possible reason to get a dragon out of bed, this is… the least motivating reason you've ever had.”
“They’ll be rides, they’ll be games…”
Spike snapped, “And they’ll still be there when the sun is up, or better yet, in the afternoon.” He shook out the blanket and wrapped himself up like a dragon croissant. “Good night.”
Twilight grinned, “Oh, you need a reason, huh?”
“Less talky more sleepy.”
Twilight turned away with a smirk and announced to the world, “I guess somepony ELSE will have to eat all that gemstone cotton candy. I hear it’s really good, too, they just invented it, all the flavor of a gemstone but none of those pesky stomach-churning effects... and I saved enough to buy it for a special friend of mine, but since he's not coming I'll just have to...“
She turned back to Spike’s basket, and saw that it was empty. There was a click and a creak, and she heard the front door open. Spike was standing in front of it, tapping his foot.
Twilight grinned, “Did I find a reason to get you out of bed?”
“Twilight, I never even dreamed I could live in a world where my two favorite things could be put together. But just the possibility of gemstone cotton candy?” Spike snapped his claws and pointed, “I'm in.”
“Then please, my number one assistant,” Twilight descended the stairs with a spring in her step, “Grab those empty bags and we’ll be on our way.”
Spike did as ordered, and put on a pair of sunglasses. “Let’s roll.”
To Spike’s total non-shock and utter lack-of-surprise, Twilight had gotten them up too early. The fair didn't start for another two hours. After a sheepish Twilight bought them breakfast at a cafe, however, that did mean they were first in line at the rides and games. Spike made Twilight promise that they’d get to do all the 'fun stuff' first before the 'boring stuff', namely, the arts and crafts and class sign ups.
Once Spike had his fill of rides and games, he was as good as word. He semi-patiently waiting as Twilight signed up for one class after another. Applejack was offering Apple Bucking 101, (“My mother’s always saying I should get more exercise!”), Fluttershy was offering an Unusual Pet Caretaking (“I really should face my issues about Snakes…”). It was around the time that Twilight signed up for Filthy Rich’s So You Wanna Be A Rich? (“I’m only taking this because I’m going to learn about Ponyville History.”) that Spike put his foot down and demanded the mythical gemstone flavor cotton candy be purchased. Twilight relented and bought him a giant bag of it before heading down to the last row of booths. She hoped the dessert would keep his whining at bay for at least a little while.
However, her plan started to backfire as soon as Spike took his first bite.
“Oh no.” Spike stared at the blue fluff. “Ohhhhhh no.”
Twilight frowned, “What’s wrong?”
“Dang,” Spike took another bite, and shook his head at the blue sparkly fluff, “It's...”
“Is it not as good as you hoped?”
Spike swallowed and sighed. “It’s better.”
Twilight laughed. “Then why so serious?”
“You don’t understand, Twilight. This is the best dessert I think I’ve ever had.”
“And this is a problem because…?”
“Because nothing will ever be this good!” Spike howled. “Don’t you see? I’ll be having a gem, and no matter the clarity, it’ll be like, 'yeah, this is good, but it’s no gemstone cotton candy.'”
Twilight grinned, “Poor Spike.”
Spike glared at her, as they turned to walk down a row of tables and booths. “Your lack of concern is noted.”
“We can get more, you know. The fair doesn't close for another 20 minutes.”
“But the fair will be over and then what?” He tore off a tiny chunk, and tried to hide how much he was enjoying his dessert. “See? I have to take super small bites. To make it last.”
“Good morning, guys!” chirped a friendly voice. They both turned to see Lyra and Bon Bon sitting at a booth, the former with a big smile and hopeful expression, the latter with a frown and eyes staring intensely at the ground. Lyra had a clipboard and some flyers, Bon Bon had a pan with fresh chocolates on it.
“Good morning, Lyra! Good morning, Bon Bon!” said Twilight.
“Hi,” said Bon Bon gloomily. Twilight looked at her quizzically.
Lyra waved Twilight's attention back to her. “How are you enjoying the fair?”
“It’s great!” said Twilight.
“It’s terrible,” said Spike.
“Terrible?” Lyra gasped, “What’s wrong Spike?”
“I found the best dessert in the world, but soon it’s going to be gone, and then I’ll have no more best dessert.” He tore off another piece and ate it slowly.
Lyra blinked. Twilight rolled her eyes. “Don’t mind him. Baby dragon problems.”
Spike pouted, “No one understands me.”
Lyra rallied, “Well! How would you two like to sign up for a once in a lifetime opportunity to learn cooking from the one, the only, Bon Bon? Only 10 bits a class!”
Twilight looked up at the banner that was hanging above the two mares. It was a crudely painted sign that read ‘The Joy O Cooking.’ Twilight frowned. “Umm… is it a special type of cooking?”
Lyra smiled, “Everything Bon Bon makes is special!”
Bon Bon followed Twilight’s gaze, and said “That’s not what she’s asking. Twilight, how does that sign read?”
“Well, you’ve got the cooking and the joy spelled right, but there’s just this ‘O’ standing there by itself. So I wasn’t sure—“
“I told you. I TOLD you we spelled it wrong, and that no one would get it.” Bon Bon huffed. “Ridiculous. A whole day and three dozen batches of specials down the drain.”
Lyra wilted. “Well, we got Rarity to sign up…”
“That was a pity sign up! And she’ll never set one hoof in a kitchen, believe me. She's a lady who doesn’t like to get ‘dirty.’” Bon Bon grumbled, grabbing a chocolate and eating it defiantly.
Lyra hesitated. "We did have more ponies interested, but you disqualified them."
Bon Bon gave her a death glare. "If you think I'm letting Derpy Hooves anywhere near my equipment, one of us is getting checked into the hospital."
Lyra sadly shook her head. "She was so excited to cook with you... Her daughter loves your food."
"And they're welcome to buy it at a safe distance. Do you remember what happened when we let the weather patrol take a tour?"
Lyra got a far away look in her eyes. "That was... expensive, yes." A grin snuck onto her face. "What a pie fight, though. That Dash can throw."
Bon Bon grunted. "The prosecution rests."
"What about Apple Bloom? She was eager to-"
"No foals. And no members of the Apple Family."
"Apple Family? What's wrong with the Apple family?" asked Twilight.
"They put a bunch of apples in my bag without asking, tried to charge me and then gave them to me for free!"
"Uh..."
Lyra looked back at her list. "And Caramel said he'd-"
"Are you kidding? He'd eat all the ingredients before they're in the mix!"
"I don't really see where you're getting that from-"
"Lyra, honey," Bon Bon was struggling to keep calm, "like I said before, it's not the quantity of the students, it's the quality."
Lyra's voice was getting equally strained, "Well we only we have ONE student, and without three more, we can't do the class!"
Bon Bon turned away from Lyra, staring at the clouds. "Then so be it."
Lyra's face fell. Bon Bon couldn't see it, but her words had stung. Twilight, however, saw everything.
"I'll do it."
“Twilight!” Lyra said, smiling again with slightly manic eyes, "You will?"
Twilight nodded, smiling, “Of course! There’s always more to learn, and I love your cooking, Bon Bon.”
Bon Bon arched an eyebrow. “Really? You’ll actually come?”
“Yep!”
“Hmm... well, you’re bright, and you have saved that town a few times...” Bon Bon leaned over the booth, “I expect a lot, you know. And you’re going to work hard!”
“I… Okay?”
Bon Bon leaned further, “And I’m not going to slow down just because you’re a novice! You want to learn from the best, you’re going to have to keep up!”
Twilight backed away slowly, “Yes, of course, that all…”
Bon Bon was almost out of the booth now, shouting, “Baking is war, sister! You’re going to get dirty, you’re going to get hot, and then you’re going to make chocolate and somepony’s gonna eat it! You hear me?!”
Twilight shut her mouth, and nodded.
“Okay, good,” said Bon Bon, relaxing back in her seat, “Then we’ll get along just fine. Have a chocolate.” Trembling slightly, Twilight obeyed her new teacher and took a chocolate. Bon Bon looked at Lyra's list. "Of course, you'll need a partner, and Rarity will not show.” She turned to Spike, who was still gazing wistfully at his cotton candy. “How about you, mister?”
Lyra deadpanned, “Sure, no foals, but the baby dragon can come right in.”
Bon Bon ignored her. “Spike. You ready to become a master chef?”
Spike returned her gaze, then offered up his cotton candy. “Can you teach me how to make this?”
Bon Bon gazed at the confection, and took a small piece of it in her hooves, rubbing it together. “Powdered sapphire, super fine sugar, reduced to liquid, spun in air, crude manner of construction…” She muttered to herself for a few moments, then shook her head, “No, sorry Spike, I won’t teach you how to make this.”
Spike sighed. "Another dream dies."
“But I can teach you how to make this the right way.”
Spike perked up. “You mean it can taste better than this?”
Bon Bon tasted the smallest piece of it and then spit it out on the ground. “Egad, yes. They’re charging bits for this? What are we, Appleloosans?”
Spike turned to Lyra. “I’m in.”
Lyra grinned, “Great! 10 bits from both of you and you’re on your way.”
Spike whispered to Twilight, “Can I borrow 10 bits?”
Twilight rolled her eyes, and handed over 20 bits to Lyra.
“Everything is fine, nothing is ruined!” crowed Spike, who ate the rest of his cotton candy in one bite. “Mmm…. And now, I’m going to find out how to make it, so I can have it whenever I want. C’mon, Twilight! Let’s go to all this other boring stuff you want to do, so that I can go get some more cotton candy!”
“Tell you what, I’ll stay here and you go get the cotton candy. Here you go, knock yourself out.” She levitated some bits into his claws, and he ran off grinning. Twilight turned to Lyra and Bon Bon with a sheepish smile. “The joys of dragon raising.”
Bon Bon shook her head, “That stuff he’s buying is garbage.”
Twilight shrugged, “One pony’s garbage is a little dragon’s blue treasure.”
Bon Bon softened a little, and said, “I’ll make him something he’ll really enjoy.”
“That's very kind of you. The way to a dragon's heart is through his stomach.”
Lyra was staring at her clipboard, concerned.
“Well, that’s three total. We could get by with just three, right?” asked Bon Bon. Lyra shrugged, not looking up from her clipboard. Bon Bon looked intently at Lyra. “You think we need one more?” Lyra looked up at Bon Bon, then at Twilight, then back at her clipboard. “You think we need one more.” Lyra gave the barest of nods. “Okay, dear. We’ll get one more.”
In the distance, Twilight could hear Spike shouting, “Hey, no cuts! You’re cutting! This pony is cutting!”
Twilight hesitated. “I suppose I could pay for another class ahead of time, if you really need me too...”
“Twilight, no!” Lyra shook her head vigorously. “That’s too much! No, we just need to find one more pony. And we’ve got... ten minutes to do it before the fair closes.”
Bon Bon hummed. “One more, short on time, we just need one more...”
“Did someone say ONE MORE TIME?!”
The party cannon exploded, covering Twilight, Lyra, Bon Bon, and Bon Bon’s Bon’s in confetti, glitter and general insanity. When it finally ended, all were glitterfied, except for Pinkie Pie, who stood with her hooves on her hips and a mad grin on her face, shouting, "Arts and Crafts PARTY!"
Bon Bon was not amused.
Her remaining chocolates were covered in glitter. She glared at them and said, “Perfect. Now, you can keep them.” She slid the tray in Pinkie’s direction, who caught it without missing a beat.
“Mmm! These look great!” She dumped the whole thing down her throat, chocolate, glitter, pan and all, chewed for a bit, then spit out the empty tray. “Tasted great too! Except for the pan. I’d pass on the pan again. But, mmm, your chocolates are just the best, Bon Bon!”
Bon Bon stared at Pinkie, dumbfounded. Finally she asked, “Does she do that often?”
Twilight thought about it, brushing off the confetti, “Actually, yes. Yes she does.”
Pinkie Pie bounced up and down. “You’re right, I do! How are you all enjoying the first annual Ponyville arts and crafts fair? How do you like the fair? Are you enjoying it? Isn’t it super awesome? It should be, because I helped organize it! I wanted it to be like a big party, only delicious, and where ponies could learn all sorts of cool things!”
“Spike and I have had a lot of fun, Pinkie. And it looks like everypony is too. You should be proud!”
“Thanks, Twilight!” Pinkie turned to Bon Bon and Lyra. “What about you two? How’s the Joy O Cooking, cookin? You should have lots of ponies signed up, your goodies just as good as Sugarcube corner!”
Bon Bon stared at Pinkie, grinding her teeth. Lyra gently patted her mare's shoulder and said, “We’re doing okay. We have three ponies signed up for her class, but we need four to break even, and are just looking for one mo-”
Pinkie gasped. Bon Bon swiveled her head and stared daggers at Lyra, who realized too late that she’d made a mistake.
“You won’t break even? That’s awful, the whole point is for you to have fun, and you won’t have any fun if you don’t have enough students! I’ve been watching your booth all day, and I thought all those ponies signed up! And that would be awful, you going to all this trouble to put this class together, and not enough ponie signing up! So guess what? I’m going to sign up.”
Bon Bon opened her mouth to protest, and she found it covered by Lyra’s hoof.
“Here’s my bits, and-“ she gasped again and jumped into the air, “Oh my goodness, someone’s at my booth! Gotta run! Bye Bonnie! Bye Twilight! Bye Lyra!”
And Pinkie was gone, her bits still rattling on top of the booth. Lyra removed her hoof from Bon Bon and started counting the bits, whistling. Bon Bon’s face was a mask of frozen rage. Twilight started slowly backing away.
Pinkie suddenly re-appeared. “Oh, and Twilight? You should check up on Spike. He’s about to be arrested.” Then she was gone.
The far off shouting from Spike had become closer shouting. “Hey! What are you doing? I just cut that pony because she cut me!”
“You... think I'm going to let that.... spy.... from Sugarcube Corner, into my....”
Lyra snorted. “Oh, she’s not a spy. She’s the friendliest pony in Ponyville, and you're basically the only pony that won't let her throw a party for you." She stacked the bits and then slid them into a bag. "Besides, she's barely a competitor as is. They make baked goods, we make confections. Ponies shop both places, you know this.”
Bon Bon was shaking now. “I will not permit her in my kitchen.”
Lyra shook her head. “Too bad. We took her bits, and now we’re breaking even."
Twilight added, "And she’ll behave. She loves your chocolate. I bet she can't wait to get into your kitchen!"
Bon Bon glared at Twilight. “I. Would rather. Die.”
Spike’s calls became more frantic. “No, don’t take me out of the line! I need my blue sugar! Twilight! Heeeelllp!”
Twilight smiled weakly, “Well, gotta go. My dragon’s getting arrested. Bye!”
Lyra smiled brightly, “See you tomorrow at 9am, Twlight!”
Bon Bon yelled, “Death! Arson! Explosions! I will never allow Pinkie Pie to-”
The door flew open, and Pinkie said, “I’m baaack!”
Twilight and Spike turned and looked at Pinkie Pie. “But you just got here...?”
Pinkie Pie stopped, thought about it, and said, “I guess you’re right Twilight. I award you ten points.”
“10 points for what?”
“Minus two points for asking!”
Pinkie walked over and stood next to Twilight, who was waiting inside of Bon Bon's Chocolate Shoppe. The note on the front door told them to go around back to the kitchen entrance, where Bon Bon accepted deliveries. Inside the kitchen were all sorts of mixers and shelves stacked with ingredients, ovens, two refrigerators and a giant clock mounted on the wall. Today, most of that been cleared away, and there were four work stations set up on two kitchen islands.
On each station was a bowl with a brick of chocolate, a small glass of bourbon, separate small bowls with salt and sugar, a glass with cream, butter and a container with syrup. There was also an oven range on each island, with matching pots for each station: one big pot for boiling water, one medium saucepan.
Each station had a hoof-written calligraphy nameplate. "Madame Sparkle," "Monsieur Spike," "Madame Pie," and "Madame Rarity."
"This penmanship is excellent!" Twilight cooed.
"What the heck is a Monsieur?"
"It's a fancy way of saying 'Mister'."
Spike nodded, "It's a good thing a I brought my monocle." Spike pulled out the tiny glass circle and put in on his right eye. He turned to Twilight and bowed, "How Do You Do? I am Monsieur Spike."
Twilight wished she had more eyes to roll at him. "You're a weird dragon, Spike."
"Ah ah ah! Monsieur Spike, please. Oh, hey, Pinkie, do you mind if we switch?"
Pinkie grinned widely. "Want to be with Rarity, huh?"
"I just think the lady deserves a Monsieur, and besides, Twilight needs all the help she can get."
Pinkie's grin dropped. "Spike, that was mean!"
"No, he's right," Twilight admitted, "I could use the help, and other than Bon Bon, you're the best chef I know. Do you mind?"
Pinkie looked away and smiled, but it was a smaller smile than normal, an almost shy one. "Sure, Twilight. If you want."
The door to the upstairs opened, and a sing-songy voiced that could only belong to Lyra Heartstrings said, “Ladies... And Spike, may I present, the one, the only.... Bon Bon, of Bon Bon’s Chocolate Shoppe!”
Lyra appeared, smiling and stamping her hooves. Twilight and Pinkie joined in, with Spike simple clapping. Bon Bon entered, wearing a chef's hat, holding her head up high, and looked around the room. Instantly, the height drained out of her. “Lyra, there’s only three of them.”
“Oh! Yes. Rarity can’t make it.”
Spike gasped, and his monocle flew out of his eye. Thankfully, it was on a chain, so he was able to retrieve it with little effort.
Bon Bon grumbled, “Lyra, we bought ingredients for four. How is this going to work now?
“Easy-peasy, dear. Rarity felt so bad that she didn’t ask for a refund, and in fact paid in advance for another class. So... I’m going to be your fourth student!” She grinned and danced over to the fourth station, next to Spike. “See? Ready for class, ma’am!”
Bon Bon stared at her evenly, then turned to Twilight and forced a smile. “Happy to see you, Madame Sparkle.”
Twilight grinned and bowed, “And you Madame Bon.”
“Monsieur Spike, I haven’t forgotten my promise to you about the cotton ca-- What is that thing in your eye?"
"Why, Madame Bon Bon, it is my monocle, of course?"
"Get rid of it."
Spike gasped.
"You heard me, Monsieur. You need both eyes seeing clearly to make cupcakes. Otherwise you think it's sugar, it's actually salt, and the patient dies."
"But... But it's only a prop! I can see fine--"
"Give it over!"
Spike reluctantly handed over the monocle. Bon Bon took it shoved it in a drawer. She looked back at the sulking Spike, and said lowly, "You can have it back after class."
Finally, Bon Bon turned to Pinkie, who was grinning at her madly. After a beat, Bon Bon simply said, “Ms. Pie.”
“I’m super excited to be here, Bon Bon! I can’t wait to-”
"When Star Swirl the Bearded first came before Celestia's court,” Bon Bon interrupted, addressing the entire class, “the Princess asked he prove his talent without the aid of magic. Does anyone know how he did that?"
Twilight and Lyra both rose their hooves. Spike stared in amazement at Lyra. "Really?" He asked. "Some pony other than Twilight knows that?"
"Lyra!" Bon Bon said, "Put your hoof down! You helped me write this speech!"
"Oh! Right, I did. True story." Lyra chuckled and lowered her hoof.
"Madame Sparkle?"
"Star Swirl The Bearded drew a perfect circle, magic free, by mouth."
Bon Bon tilted her head, just slightly. "That's right. He took a simple quill and drew a perfect circle on parchment."
"He drew a circle? That's it?" Pinkie Pie blew a raspberry. "I draw circles all the time! Big circles, short circles, long circles that grow on trees..."
"But have you drawn a perfect circle, Madame Pie? From every angle? Flawless by any form of measurement, all 360 degrees exactly correct?" Bon Bon got very close, right up to Pinkie's snout. "Perfection, Ms. Pie. It sends a powerful message."
Pinkie's eyes were as big as dinner plates. She said, "You smell delicious."
Bon Bon kept her gaze, then broke it off and walked away. "That is why, class, we are making circles." She held up a small chocolate ball. "Small perfect three dimensional chocolate circles. Chocolate held in by chocolate. The physical manifestation of flavor, magic free."
There was a pause.
Spike coughed. "So... We're making chocolates?"
"Not chocolates, Spike," said Twilight, giving Bon Bon a wink, "Truffles."
Bon Bon shook her head. "Close, but, wrong."
Pinkie Pie was drooling at the morsel in Bon Bon's hoof, "Bon Bons... They're Bon Bon's..."
"Yay!" Lyra cheered, clapping. "She got it right!"
Bon Bon snorted. "Yes. Ms. Pie. You are correct. The technical name for what we’re making is Caramel Bourbon Bon Bons, but because we’re using my special blend of chocolate, I sell them as Bon Bon’s Bourbon Bon Bon’s.”
“I came up with that name!” said Lyra, proudly.
"Thath an awethoth namf!" said Pinkie Pie, her cheeks bulging.
"I know, right?" Lyra squinted at Pinkie. "Oh, you've got something on your lip.... Right there."
Bon Bon glared with the fire of a thousand suns. "Pinkie Pie... Are you eating your ingredients?"
Pinkie swallowed took a big breath and said, "No!"
Bon Bon blinked. "No?"
Pinkie Pie shook her head. "Nope! I brought my own cupcakes. Here, you want one? Fresh from Sugarcube Corner?"
Bon Bon' gave a strangled cry. Her mouth was open, eyes reeling. Had Pinkie gone to the bathroom right then and there, it would have drawn less of a reaction than bringing a Sugarcube pastry into Bon Bon's kitchen. Lyra rushed over and grabbed her mare, holding her steady.
Pinkie blinked and said, "Is that okay? I made enough for everypony."
Twilight rallied, "Cooking! Lets start cooking. That's why we're here, right?" She stood in front of Pinkie, who looked genuinely confused. "I paid my bits learn how to make the perfect chocolate. From you, Bon Bon."
Bon Bon blinked, refocusing her eyes on Twilight. "What?"
"You, Bon Bon. I want you to teach me how to make chocolate within chocolate. That's why we're here, right?"
"Yes... Yes, the chocolate. Of course." Bon Bon was suddenly child-like, with Lyra leading her to a chair. "Time to make the chocolate."
Twilight whispered to Spike, "Get those cupcakes OUT of here!"
Spike saluted and ran over to Pinkie, "Hey look over there! A three headed monkey!"
Pinkie spun around. "Where?"
Spike then grabbed the bag of cupcakes and emptied half into his mouth with one fell swoop.
"Not like that!" whispered Twilight.
Spike brought his jaws down and started chewing when he realized, too late, that five cupcakes was too much for any one creature to eat in one bite, unless that creature's last name was 'Pie'.
"Where's the monkey? I don't see him."
"Just... Keep looking! I saw it too!" Twilight was pounding Spike on his back as he tried to force down the rest of the cupcakes. It was a losing battle.
Pinkie frowned, staring out the window. "Twilight, I think if there was a three headed monkey, I'd see it! That's be pretty hard to miss!"
"I swear I saw him. He's there..."
Spike coughed, staring at the last cupcake, "Ohdearcelestia no"
Twilight grabbed the cupcake and ate it, then she smacked Spike so hard on his back that finally he belched up a small flame. He nodded. "Thanks, I needed that."
"Oh I see him! There he is, look at him go! He's dancing up a storm!" Pinkie squealed. She turned back to Twilight and Spike, smiling, "Thanks for pointing him out!”
"Uh... don't mention it." said Twilight, wiping the frosting off her mouth. Spike groaned and held his stomach.,
"Wow, you guys ate these fast!" said Pinkie, throwing the bag away.
"How are we doing over here?" asked Twilight, walking over to Lyra and the sitting Bon Bon, who was staring ahead blankly.
"She'll be okay, she gets like this some times. She just needs a minute to clear her head." Lyra said.
Bon Bon finally blinked, and looked around the room with a confused expression. "Lyra? What... what happened?" Fear was in her voice. "Did it happen again? Where are we?"
"Everything's alright, everything's fine." Lyra gently brushed Bon Bon's hair. "We're home, love, and you're about to teach these ponies how to make your special Bon Bons. Remember?" Bon Bon stared at Twilight, Spike and Pinkie.
"Time to make the chocolate?" she asked.
Lyra said, "Time to do that voodoo that you do so well." And then she kissed her mare on the forehead.
Bon Bon's nuzzled Lyra back, then stood with a determined look on her face. “Alright, ponies-”
“Ahem.”
“Ponies and Dragons,” Bon Bon corrected, “Listen up. I hope you enjoyed your break. And I hope you're ready to make and eat pure flavor, because we have a tasty afternoon planned for all of you."
Pinkie cheered, “Yeah!”
"So we’re going to be dealing with chocolate, bourbon, vanilla seeds and heavy cream, among other things.” Bon gestured to the four stations with her hoof, staring up at the clock on the wall. “For time purposes, I’ve measured out all your ingredients, but your first lesson is this: always double check your ingredients. You don’t want to get waist deep in making a souffle and find you’re one egg yolk and three egg whites short.”
“Ooh, I love it when that happens!” Pinkie said, “That’s when you get to improvise, and maybe make something totally even better!" She cheered, then quickly deflated. "Or worse. I guess it could be worse. One time I put salt in instead of sugar and Mr. Cake almost choked." She sighed, then perked back up. "But sometimes, it becomes better!”
There was an uneasy silence. Bon Bon then turned back to the class, “So you’ve got your list, you’ve got your ingredients. The measurements are exact, but you must double check that they ARE exact. Yes?”
“Yes.”
“Yep.”
“Yeppaaroni!”
“Yes, hon.”
“Right. So, we begin. Six--” she hesitated, then looked at her class with narrowed eyes, “Okay, some ground rules. No outside food. No magic. And if you eat any ingredients before the baking is done, you’re out. No appeal, no second chances. I don’t care if you’re hungry or if I happen to be sharing a house with you. OUT. Got it?”
“Yes.”
“Uh... sure.”
“Yep-a-rep-a-rooni!”
"I love you, Bon Bon."
Bon Bon blushed, cleared her throat and said, “6.9 ounces of granulated sugar...”
They went through each ingredient on the list, one by one. Bon Bon had spared no expense. There was butter, heavy cream, seeds scraped from a vanilla bean and an exact two table spoon pour of bourbon. There was also extra of everything. A pitcher of cream, a pile of seed, a pound of butter and a giant bottle of bourbon, all sitting on the side table, waiting to be further divvied up.
Then there was chocolate. Sixteen ounces of Bon Bon’s own fanciest chocolate at each station, in various shapes, lying in a bowl.
“It’s 58% couverture.” She murmured, staring at the bowl in front of Twilight. “It has to be exactly right.”
Twilight nodded. “I read about this kind of chocolate last night. I thought Couverture can’t be any higher than 39% in order to qualify as genuine, right?”
Bon Bon’s face betrayed the tiniest of smiles. “True, but this is the total mix of Cocoa Solid and Cocoa Butter. It’s all regulation I assure- yes? Can I help you?”
Pinkie’s nose was but inches away from Twilight’s bowl, her eyes huge and reflecting the chocolate. A tiny bit of drool leaked out of her muzzle. “It looks sooooo good.”
Bon Bon knelt down, eyes hard, muzzle to muzzle with Pinkie. “That’s why we USE it instead of EATING it. Follow me?”
“I’ll be good.” Pinkie pouted, wrinkling her nose.
Lyra was eyeing the giant bottle of bourbon. “So... we can’t eat our ingredients, but the bourbon’s already poured, right? So we could have some of the extra bourbon now, right?”
Bon Bon swiveled and shrieked, “NO!” with such venom that Lyra jumped. “First, never be drinking near an open flame. Second, we don’t eat ANY ingredients until the baking’s over! That’s how good desserts go bad!”
Lyra waved her hooves, “Okay, okay! I’m sorry I brought it up!”
Bon Bon turned to the rest of the class. “Everyp.... every creature to their stations.” The class obeyed, and Bon Bon stared up at the clock on the wall. “First, you’ve got a medium saucepan in front of you.. Mix the sugar, water and corn syrup, and stir. Go.”
The three mares and dragon got to work. Bon Bon called out instructions as they went along. “Spike, use a stool if you can’t reach, baking is no time for vanity. Ms. Pie, leave that cream where you found it, we’re not using it yet. Twilight! Don’t turn on the heat yet! We’re not ready!”
Twilight shrunk back, “Sorry, sorry...”
“Now. Once stirred, take your pastry brush--”
“You mean this paint brush?” asked Spike.
“It’s a pastry brush.”
Spike stared at it. It was small, it had bristles. “This looks like a paint brush to me.”
Bon Bon gritted her teeth in a forced smile. “It’s. A. Pastry Brush.”
Spike shrugged, “I’m just saying, I’m pretty sure you could use this to paint a-” He stopped when he felt Twilight’s hoof on his shoulder.
Twilight said levelly, “And what do we do with the pastry brush, Bon Bon?”
Bon Bon took a deep breath. “Dip it in the water. Brush the sides of the pan, completely. Make everything wet.”
Lyra snickered, and Bon Bon shot her a glance. Lyra’s snicker made Pinkie crack up as Twilight blushed. Spike looked at Twilight quizzically and said, “I don’t get it.”
There was another chorus of snickers, glares and blushing, and then Pinkie whispered (so loudly she might as well have just said it) “We’ll tell you when you’re older.”
Spike harrumphed, but continued brushing. Eventually, they all finished and stared at Bon Bon.
“Turn on the heat to the saucepan. Medium.” Burners lit up, and almost immediately the pans started steaming. “Now, eventually the mix is going to darken, but we’re not there yet." Bon Bon returned her gaze to the clock on the wall. "We’ve got 7-10 minutes, so now is the time to get the actual chocolate ready. Your bowl of chocolate is actually two bowls, a small one and a big one. Take out the chocolate and-”
Pinkie interrupted, “Oooh! Ooh! We get to eat it?!”
“You get to chop it.”
Pinkie stuck out her tongue, “Well, that’s no fun.”
“‘Fun’ is what you do at Sugarc... and where you work. We do serious work here.” She got in Pinkie's face and shouted, “NOW CHOP UP THIS DELICIOUS CHOCOLATE INTO SMALL PIECES EVENLY BETWEEN THE TWO BOWLS.”
“Yes Ma’m!” yelled Pinkie, who was suddenly wearing an army helmet and started breaking up the chocolate at double time, dropping it into two even piles.
The anger drained out of Bon Bon. She was mystified not only at Pinkie’s speed, but her sudden headgear. “But... I... what?”
Lyra gently touched Bon Bon’s shoulder. “It’s just Pinkie being Pinkie. You’ve seen this before.”
“But... where did she get the helmet?”
Spike shook his head, “Just go with it. You’ll go crazy if you think about it too much.”
“Ma’am! All chocolate broken up into two even piles, ma’am!” Pinkie saluted. “Even though, I’m not sure why the bowls are different sizes if we’re using the same chocolate, ma’am!”
Bon Bon walked over and inspected the chocolate, and weakly said, “That’s because the large bowl is where you’ll be melting the chocolate, the small one contains the "seed" chocolate for tempering.”
Twilight blinked, “Okay, now you’ve lost me.”
“Just... trust me.” Bon Bon looked like she was in actual pain, she was pacing back and forth, shaking her head. “I know what I’m doing. Please break up the chocolate into tiny pieces, evenly between the two bowls. And hurry, you’ve got 5 minutes."
They got to work. Twilight was struggling. She wasn’t an experienced cook, and her hooves kept dropping the chocolate. After the fifth try, she looked around quietly and her horn started to glow...
“NO!” Bon Bon cried. “No magic, Twilight Sparkle. If I can do it without a horn, so can you.”
“I'm just using my magic to break up the chocolate...”
“If you want to use your magic, make this at home!”
Lyra said, “Bon Bon, honey...”
“No, no no.” Bon Bon stamped her feet. “My kitchen, my rules.” And she turned her back to Twilight, looking at the clock on the wall.
“Three minutes.”
Twilight’s mouth twisted into a crooked frown. Tears were coming, and she wasn’t sure why, it was just baking for Celestia’s sake. This was supposed to be fun. It wasn't.
She very much wanted to go home.
There was a whisper. “I’ll help you, Twilight.”
She turned and saw Pinkie, her mouth curled into a tiny smile. It was an actual whisper from Pinkie Pie, so soft only she could hear it, and Pinkie picked up a piece of chocolate and began breaking it up very delicately. She was methodical, exact, and quick. The giant chocolate chunk began to shrink, and in its place were two very small piles.
“Thank you, Pinkie,” Twilight whispered, drying her eyes.
“Are you kidding me? A chance to actually help the great Twilight Sparkle? Usually, you’re the one cleaning up after me.”
Twilight chuckled, “I’m a klutz with my hooves, everypony knows that.” She stared with amazement as Pinkie deftly broke apart piece after piece. “How do you do that?”
“I dunno, I always could. Earth pony thing, I guess? Sort of like my ice skating on Winter Wrap Up.”
“This feels like Winter Wrap Up, when I ruined Rarity's birds nest” Twilight said, lowering her head. “Maybe I should just sit this out.”
Pinkie shook her head, nudging Twilight as she attacked the last chunk of chocolate. “That’s not the Twilight Sparkle I know. Twilight Sparkle, who defeated Discord, brought down by some chocolate?” She grinned, nudging Twilight again, but more softly this time. “What would Celestia think?”
Twilight blushed, smiling, not making eye contact.
Bon Bon cleared her throat. “One minute.”
“Annnnd.... done!” Pinkie announced proudly, “With 50 seconds to spare!” She took a big whiff of Twilight’s chocolate. “Hey, Twilight! We literally have time to stop and smell the roses!”
Lyra piped up, “Roses? There are roses in here?”
Pinkie laughed, “It’s a metaphor, silly!”
Bon Bon said flatly, “The roses are the chocolate, dear.”
Lyra pouted, “But I’m hunnnngrry.”
“Starve now, eat later. Now, put the chocolate aside and pack to your pans. Swirl the pot, everypony. You’ve got to even out the carmelization process. Remember to put on your hoof mitts, you don’t want to get burned. Spike! What did I just--oh.”
Spike put his claw right in the flame, and pulled it back out. “Dragon.”
Bon Bon arched an eyebrow. “A cook who can literally stand the heat? There may be a hope for you yet, Spike.”
Spike swelled with pride, swirling his pot and grinning at Bon Bon.
“But don’t get cocky. You’re about to spill your caramel.”
Spike yelped and quickly returned his attention to the pot in his claws.
Bon Bon continued, “Once it’s turned a deep amber, put it back on the heat and get the cream. Now. Be very. Very. Careful. Even you, Spike. You’re going to slowly add the cream, and it’s going to sputter, rise and maybe even spit back at you. I haven’t lost a chef in this kitchen yet, and I’m not going to start today. Ready?”
Spike had to move his stool back slightly, but was standing with the cream and a determined expression. The other three ponies were at the ready, although Twilight was closing her eyes in painful anticipation.
“Pour.”
Bon Bon wasn't wrong. The four pots started responded just like she had predicted, coughing and exploding, causing bits of cream to land on the floor and the over. But eventually they got it all in, with no injuries.
“Good. Now, shut off the heat!”
Everyone turned off their heat. Twilight stared as mixture was still steaming, but the bubbling decreased.
“Grab your whisk and get to whisking. Get that cream in the mix.” There was a cacophony of metal and slushing sounds as they blended the cream and caramel together. Bon Bon stared back up at the clock again. “This is a pattern that’s going to repeat. After the cream comes the butter, and you have to whisk that until it’s completely melted. Then, the same with the vanilla, the bourbon, and the salt. It’s all going in, one a time."
The students were all whisking furiously, at four different paces. Pinkie, then Spike, then Lyra, then Twilight.
"That’s it. While you’re doing that, you’ll notice I left a second pot on the stove, already filled with water. I’m going to turn on the heat for your other pot while you whisk. It should be boiling by the time we’re at the next step. Keep whisking."
Twilight grunted, putting the whisk in her mouth. She couldn’t get her hooves to work, and magic was off the table, so she was doing it with her teeth. Eventually she got some traction and the cream began to go in.
Pinkie, on the other hoof, was already done. Wearing her helmet and saluting, she said, “What’s next, ma’am?”
Sniffing with vague disapproval, she looked Pinkie’s mix. “Every ingredient is in there?”
“Whisked, blended and perfected, “Ma’am!”
Bon Bon shrugged, “Well, we’ll see in the end if all the flavors are in there.” She reached down and turned on Pinkie Pie’s heat, and then snapped, “Sparkle! Pick up the pace, your butter will never melt at this rate.”
Twilight was sweating and struggling, having just put the butter in and struggling to move the whisk again.
Pinkie stopped her. “Here.” She took the whisk from Twilight’s tired jaw and used two hooves, moving in a circular motion around the entire bowl. “The trick is to just keep moving, even if there’s a tough spot. Build up momentum, split the effort between your two hooves. Can you get the vanilla? We’re almost there. Mmm it smells good!”
“How do you know all of this?” asked Twilight, taking the tiny vanilla seeds and handing them out for Pinkie.
“I dunno, I guess. If it’s fun or baking or color commentary or dealing with parasprites, I know it! And if it’s not, I can learn it? I can’t even begin to understand how you know all the stuff YOU know.”
Twilight smirked. “Dash has a term for it- egghead.”
“Dash says a lot of things--you can pour in the bourbon now--and most of them are silly. Like ‘20%’ cooler? How does that work? Giving cool a number seems like the very opposite of cool! Like, if someone said, Pinkie, make this 20% more fun, I’d be all like, well I can make it more fun, but how will I know if it’s too little fun? Or too much? I don’t know what 33% fun is. Do you?”
Chuckling, Twilight shook her head. “Nope, can’t say that I do.”
“And now the salt, and... you’re good to go!”
“Ms. Pie” said Bon Bon flatly, “This isn’t a team cooking class. Twilight is supposed to learn on her own.”
“Not so fast, Bonnie!” Pinkie replied, “I looked at your rules! And they were, no eating the ingredients until we’re done, and no magic. I didn’t see annnnyything--” Pinkie was eyeball to eyeball with Bon Bon, “--about not helping your friends!”
Bon Bon stared. Pinkie stared back. Bon Bon blinked.
“Everyone, put the mixture aside to cool. It’s chocolate time.”
Lyra was practically bouncing. “Chocolate time is the best time!”
Pinkie grinned, “It certainly is!” She took a big whiff of Twilight’s chocolate again, but this time, instead of smiling, she started wrinkling her nose again.
.
“That water that I started to heat up? Once it’s boiling, you’re going to put the big bowl on top of the pot and shut off the... yes, Lyra?”
Pinkie started making funny faces behind Bon Bon’s back. Twilight glared at her, motioning for her to stop.
“Can I pour a bourbon now?” asked Lyra.
“What- no you can’t pour a bourbon! We’re not done!”
“But we already used it in the mix!” Lyra whined.
Pinkie kept wrinkling her nose and contorting her mouth, sticking her tongue out and rubbing her nose. Twilight opened her mouth to scold her when Spike grabbed her hoof, shook his head and pointed.
“Look!” he whispered, “She’s trying not to--"
“We may still need it, Lyra. Anything can happen in the kitchen. You can write out every single step of your recipe, have it fully planned out, plan for any contingency, and things still go- oh what’s the word you use, Lyra?”
Pinkie struggled, “Ah.... ahhh....”
Bon Bon continued ranting. “What is it, it what is it- ah yes, ‘kablooey’”
Twilight winced. “Oh no.”
“Lyra, that’s when things go--.”
It was a sneeze for the ages. Twilight’s bowls of chocolate pieces went everywhere, along with her empty containers and her caramel pan, which landed on the floor with a sickening thud. Only the pot of water miraculously stayed intact, still boiling but thankfully only frothing onto the stove.
Lyra gasped. Bon Bon turned and looked at the mess She saw Twilight’s shocked expression, Spike’s head in his claws and Pinkie Pie. Pinkie’s eyes got very big and wet, and she wailed, “Bon Bon, Twilight I’m sooooo sorry!”
Bon Bon’s face betrayed no emotion. She walked over, studied each ingredients demise, then turned to Lyra.
“Now, you can have the bourbon.”
“It was an accident!” said Pinkie, “I just get sneezy sometimes, I swear it was-”
“Save it,” said Bon Bon, “It’s over. You won. Class dismissed.”
Pinkie’s shook her head, “But, no, I- I wanted to…”
“What? Destroy my kitchen? Ruin my day? Kill this idiotic idea in it’s infancy?” Bon Bon’s lip curved into a sneer, “Well GOOD WORK, it’s been done!”
Twilight frowned, gently walked towards her. “Bon Bon, this was clearly an accident.”
“She brings her own cupcakes! She produces helmets from nowhere! She mocks me and now she destroys your food, and you say this was an accident?” Bon Bon shook her head, “Look, maybe she has you fooled, but not me! Sugarcube Corner and Bon Bon don’t mix. Pinkie, you need to leave.”
Pinkie wailed, “I’m sor-”
“Get out!”
Pinkie’s hair deflated like a balloon, and she lowered her head, “I’ll just go. Twilight, use my mix.”
“No.”
Bon Bon glared at Twilight. “What?”
Twilight stood in the middle of the kitchen, defiant. “Pinkie, you’re not going anywhere. Or if you are, I”m coming with you.”
Lyra spoke with a slight edge in her voice, "Twilight, maybe she should just go."
“She has to hear this, Lyra. Bon Bon. You’re a master chef. But you’re a novice when it come to other pony’s feelings. Pinkie has done everything you’ve asked of her, and she wants to learn from you about cooking. She hasn’t been disrespectful or disobeyed any orders. If anything, I’ve been the bad student today, she’s been the star. But you’ve been mean to her for no reason, no reason at all. And it stops now.”
Bon Bon was turning pale. She was shaking, and kept opening her mouth to respond, but the words didn’t come out.
Twilight continued on, “This mess was an accident. It could have happened to anypony. Now she’s going to help clean it up--right Pinkie?” Pinkie nodded vigorously. “And then she and I are going to continue to make this recipe together, with her batch. I will be her assistant. Otherwise, we’re leaving. Spike, you can stay if you want.”
There was a long silence, and all anypony could here was the sound of boiling water. Finally, Bon Bon said, “Nopony’s spoken to me like that...”
“Well, get used to it. I love my friends, but when they’re being mean to my fellow ponies? They hear about it.”
Bon Bon took a step back, and her head reared up. “Friend... you... you want to be my friend?”
“I want to be your friend,” Pinkie said softly. Bon Bon turned and looked at her. “I’ve always wanted to throw you a party, like I threw for Lyra. But she told me you said no.” She shuffled her hooves on the floor. “You’re the only other baker in town that’s my age. We should be friends! We love food, we love part... well we love food, anyway. Food that makes ponies smile. Just because I work for somepony else doesn’t mean I don’t like your food. In fact, when ponies want just chocolate, I send them over to you! Mrs. Cake yells at me, but that’s okay.”
“You both... want to be my friends?” Bon Bon said quietly. “After all I’ve done?”
“I did!” snapped Twilight. “But friends don’t treat friends this way.”
“Heck, I thought we were friends,” said Spike, sitting on his stool. “You offered to make me gemstone cotton candy. Only a good friend would go to that much trouble."
Lyra had quietly made her way to Bon Bon’s side. “See, hon? You just had to ask. You’re a good pony.”
Bon Bon looked around, staring at the various faces- Lyra warm, Pinkie sad, Twilight defiant, and Spike confused. Then Bon Bon started dry heaving. It started as small gasps, then she started shaking, and looking around wildly.
Lyra tried to stop her. “Oh no.. hon, no, that’s not... oh jeez...”
Bon Bon reeled from her touch and tried to run away. She knocked over Spike and Bon Bon’s pans, causing their mix to go onto the floor. She stopped and gasped, breathing faster, and reached for the pans. She slipped on the spilled caramel, slid into the side wall where the extra ingredients were being kept, and cried out when the bourbon bottle crashed on the ground next to her.
It was all over in a matter of seconds, and the kitchen was suddenly a war zone.
Bon Bon stared, and then started to cry.
“I’m sorry! I’m so sorry! I’m, I’m....” she babbled, pounding the floor with her hoof.
"Bon Bon..." said Lyra, sadly.
“Sorry...sorry....I’m...”
"It’s okay, Bon Bon, it’s okay.” Lyra sighed and hugged her mare, then gently puller her up on her hooves, “Come on. Get up. C'mon."
“Can we help?” asked Twilight.
Lyra turned and looked at Twilight with sad eyes. “Would you mind cleaning up the mess on the floor? I’ll take care of the ingredients, just...”
Twilight nodded. Lyra smiled gratefully and nudged Bon Bon up the steps, slowly. “It’s okay, hon...”
The door shut behind them.
The remaining three all looked at one another. Finally Spike said, “Well, that happened.”
Twilight sighed, “Alright, let’s get this cleaned up, and I guess we'll leave...”
“No.”
She turned and saw Pinkie, hair poofed up again, wearing her army helmet. “We finish what we started.”
“Uh, Pinkie?” Spike gestured with his claw. “This kitchen is like a battlefield.”
“Baking is WAR, mister!” said Pinkie. “Way I see it, we’ve got one mix left, and a bunch of raw ingredients. So we’re going to clean up this kitchen, we’re going to melt this chocolate, and then we’re going to leave Bon Bon proof that her students can make her Bon Bons!”
“But we don’t have the rest of the recipe..."
“Oh yes we do!” Pinkie grinned, running over to the clock on the wall. She jumped up the wall and grabbed a piece of paper off of it. “See? That’s why she always looked at the clock, it’s where she left her notes!”
Twilight magically floated them over and stared at them. “Wow. You’re right.”
“Okay! Listen up!” Pinkie crowed, “Spike! Get to cleaning up the floor! Twilight! Put the bowl of chocolate on top of my pot of water! Lets’ get baking!”
It was two hours later.
Bon Bon had eventually stopped crying long enough to be talked into taking a shower. After cleaning her up, Lyra put her to bed. Lyra sat up until she heard Bon Bon’s gentle breathing in rhythm, and finally knew it was okay to leave.
She closed the door behind her gently and sighed. It had all been too much, too soon. The experiment was a failure.
Well, partially a failure. It turns out that Bon Bon really didn’t have to go through all of this to find friends, she already had them.
If she knew here to look. If she bothered to ask. If she hadn’t chased them off already.
Lyra sighed again. Time to check the kitchen. She wouldn’t have blamed Twilight and company for just leaving, but she secretly hoped that they had kept to their word and cleaned up the Kitchen a bit.
What greeted her was awe-inspiring.
The kitchen was cleaner than it had ever been. The floor shined. The pans sparkled. The ingredients were all put away.
And in the middle of the room, on the right table, was a plate of Bon Bons, with a little note attached to the plate. The note said: "Bon Bon." Next to the plate was a bottle of bourbon, new. It also had a note: "Lyra."
Lyra walked over hesitantly, slowly, and inspected them. She carefully picked one up. It smelled like a Bon Bon Bourbon Bon Bon.
She bit into it.
And she smiled.
Then she poured herself a double.
Several hours had passed since the baking lesson ended in pandemonium, followed by hard core cooking. Finally, they were done, tasted their wares (a pleasant surprise), and were walking home. Spike ran ahead, despearately wanting to take a shower after all that cleaning and cooking.
The two mares walked home. Pinkie looked tired but happy. Twilight just looked tired.
When they reached the library, Pinkie turned to Twilight and said, "Well, I guess that's it. Great work, Twilight! I think we-"
Twilight hugged Pinkie suddenly. "Thank you for today. I couldn't have done it without you."
Pinkie's voice got very quiet. "Thanks for sticking up for me... it felt nice to know somepony cares."
Twilight broke the hug, smiling. "Anytime. Besides, somepony needed to put Bon Bon in her place."
Pinkie's grin faded. "You know, Twilight... she's a sad pony, but a good one. I know she was mean today, but I think it's hard for her."
"What do you mean?"
Pinkie shrugged. "She reminds me of you, actually. Back when you first came to Ponyville? Very finicky, very 'my way or I pour hot sauce in my drink to get out of my own party'."
Twilight chuckled awkwardly, "I'm never going to live that down, am I?"
"Nope! Pinkie remembers." She grinned.
Twilight sighed. "I guess you're right. I actually do think she's a fascinating pony, I just wish she would try harder to be nice."
Pinkie tilted her head to the side. "You didn't think she was trying, Twilight?"
"I certainly didn't see her being nice!"
"I think she does try hard. I think she tries hard everyday." Pinkie shuffled her hooves awkwardly. "I think... It's easy for me to talk to ponies, because I'm friends with everyone. But it took me awhile to realize that for some ponies, that's the hardest thing in the world."
Twilight stared at her friend. "Pinkie you never cease to amaze me."
Pinkie suddenly looked very nervous. "Is that a good thing?"
Twilight hugged her again, "Always."
It was a good hug. Twilight wasn't sure why it lingered a bit, but that was alright. It felt nice to be hugged.
Pinkie mumbled a goodbye and left, and Twilight entered the library.
Spike took a shower, Twilight took a shower, then Twilight ordered Spike to take another shower, and eventually heart rates and mess levels returned to normal. An hour later, there was a knock on the door. Spike was still toweling himself off from shower number two as he said, “I’ll get it,” and walked over to the door. There was a creak, and a silence. Twilight turned.
Spike was staring at Bon Bon, towel stopped halfway up to his head. She was staring back, blushing, holding two boxes with bows tied around them.
Neither said anything until finally Twilight said, “Well, Spike? Invite her in.”
“May I-”
“Please, come-”
They both stopped, and Spike wordlessly stepped aside and extended his claw. Bon Bon hesitated, then walked in. Once she was over the threshold, she immediately turned and offered the top box to Spike.
“What’s this?” asked Spike.
“A promise is a promise.” Bon Bon replied. Spike gasped, grinned, then opened the box.
Inside was tightly packed deep blue cotton candy.
“No way...” Spike muttered.
Bon Bon forced a smile. “I hope you enjoy it.”
“Twilight... can I … I mean, I have to at least...”
Twilight smiled, “Go on, Spike. Have a little bit, then the rest needs to be put away. I don’t want you to spoil your dinner.”
Spike practically skipped into the Kitchen. The two mares looked at one another.
“Do you have a moment?” Bon Bon asked quietly. Twilight nodded, and she sat down across from her next to the fireplace of the library.
Neither pony spoke, and Twilight decided to wait. Bon Bon then opened the second box, and offered Twilight its contents: Bourbon Bon Bons.
Twilight took one at bit into it. She couldn't deny it: it was the physical manifestation of flavor, magic free.
After looking at the flames for awhile, Bon Bon said, “Lyra makes friends wherever she goes.” Twilight nodded, and Bon Bon continued, “She could have any mare the world. Not any mare, but most of them. I see them look at her, and then at me. And I know they wonder."
She stared at Twilight, almost daring her to respond. Twilight stayed silent. Eventually, Bon Bon shrugged. "I don’t have an explanation for them. I don’t know why she chose me, went after me, pursued me. I know I probably would still be alone without her finding me. And I know she’s the most wonderful, special mare in the world.”
“She is something else, I agree.”
“She wanted to come with me for this. I told her no. I have to do this myself."
More silence.
“I bake because it's my cutie mark, but also because baking is fair. Follow the recipe, you get a bon bon. Screw the recipe up, you don't get a bon bon. It's clear. It makes sense. Ponies don't."
Twilight hesitated, then gently said, “I know that feeling.”
Bon Bon looked skeptical. “You?”
“Everything changed when I moved here, when Luna came back. I didn’t have any friends in Canterlot other than Spike and the Princess. I still... I am learning what it means to be a friend. I was reminded of that today.”
Bon Bon looked thoughtful. "Then this won’t sound quite as odd, I suppose... see, Lyra wants me to have friends. She wants me to know ponies, spend time with ponies that aren’t just her. I don’t know why, I’ve gotten along fine without them. But it’s important to her.”
There was another pause. Twilight didn’t want to push Bon Bon, it felt like they were on the verge of something.
"Lyra Heartstrings has lots of friends. I don’t. And after my little episode, I come downstairs and the kitchen is clean. And you all made my bon bons. Perfectly." Bon Bon looked Twilight right in her eyes. “You didn’t have to clean up the kitchen. You didn’t have to make those Bons. It was unnecessary.”
“I know. But we wanted to. And Pinkie insisted.”
Bon Bon laughed, and shook her head, “That mare... after what I said, what I put her through... she reminds me of Lyra... I’m headed over there next.”
“She’s also something else.”
Bon Bon cleared her throat. “I guess what I’m saying is, trying to say. I’m bad at this, but that’s no excuse." She took a breath. "I’m sorry for today.”
Twilight smiled. “Apology accepted.”
Bon Bon looked taken aback. “Just like that?”
Twilight nodded. “Just like that.”
Bon Bon opened her mouth, closed her mouth, opened it again. Then she said, very quietly, “Would you like to get coffee sometime?"
Twilight held her breath for a moment, and realized that had Pinkie not said something to her earlier...
She looked in Bon Bon's eyes, and saw the dimming hope, the anxiety from taking a chance. Bon Bon croaked, "Friends do that, right?"
So Twilight took a chance.
She reached out and touched her new friend's hoof, “I’d like that.”
And on any other day, Bon Bon would have drawn back, but something in her brain overpowered her flight instinct. Today, she instead accepted the contact, and smiled, an actual smiled, not forced. “Okay.”
“Okay.”
“Does Spike like coffee?”
“Yes, but he shouldn’t have any. Last time, he stayed awake until 3 in the morning.”
Bon Bon laughed, and it filled Twilight’s heart with joy. "Decaf for him, then."
Twilight grinned. "We'll just tell him it's regular."
"Excellent." She shook her head and stood to leave, “Well, I need to get to Sugarcube corner and apologize to Pinkie. How does next tuesday sound? Early morning? Lyra says you get up early.”
“Perfect. Why don’t we make it just us, Spike usually sleeps in. We can make it the four of us some other time, dinner maybe?”
Bon Bon nodded and headed to the door. She stopped as she opened it, and said, “Twilight?”
“Mmm?”
“Whether it’s a mare or a stallion.... I hope you find your Lyra.” She paused. "Somepony as special as you, they’re out there.”
Twilight was shocked. “I, uh... thanks? I guess?”
Bon Bon had a far off look in her eyes, “Lyra told me to tell you... 'keep your eyes open?'. Says you’d know what that means? Because I don't.”
Something clicked in Twilight's brain.
"I might."
"Maybe you can tell me about it on Tuesday?"
Twilight smiled. "Of course."
Bon Bon smiled again, and closed the door behind her.
Twilight stared, then shook her head. Lyra couldn't have meant that... or maybe that's exactly what Lyra meant.
Oh dear.
Either way, it was time to make dinner. She got up and said, "Spike? I think it's time to make dinner."
Spike didn't reply. She soon found out why.
The scene inside the kitchen was grisly.
Spike was lying on the ground, moaning, his mouth covered in blue goo. The box was empty.
Twilight shouted, “Spike! What did you do?!”
He looked at her and said, “Don’t tell Celestia how I died.” Then his eyes got big, and he--
Twilight yelped and got out of the line of fire. Once she was at a safe distance, she growled, "Spike, if you think I'm going to clean any of this up..."
And somewhere out in the night, maybe in the Everfree forest, maybe by Bon Bon's Chocolate Shoppe, or maybe right in the middle of town square...
A three headed monkey danced like no one was watching.
Author's Note
So, this is an actual recipe I found on the net. Whether it's a good one, or whether our students are following it right, that's for a jury to decide.
There's a Michael Crichton reference buried in here. Ten points to anyone who guesses it right. Minus two points if you ask who Michael Crichton is. (Actually there's two, but the one that gets you the points is pretty obscure.)
Finally, this is semi inspired by my friends who come off as jerks but are actually are good people who are fighting the urge to have panic attacks like, all day. I'm the Pinkie in this situation- bein' friendly, trying to understand what other people go through.
Don't ask me to explain the three headed monkey. I played too many video games as a kid.
