Bubble Berry: Be a Man!

by uberPhoenix

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Trixie, Angel, Pinkie Pie
Length: 8535

Bubble Berry asks Rainbow Blitz for advice on how to be manlier.

Image by Trotsworth: trotsworth.deviantart.com

Bubble Berry asks Rainbow Blitz for advice on how to be manlier. Also, Dusk Shine's nemesis plots his revenge, and a mysterious creature attacks Ponyville.

This is set in the same universe as "On a Cross and Arrow." Gender swapped ponies, for the uninitiated. Because this story really wouldn't work if Bubble Berry was Pinkie Pie.

I think that even if the genderswapped ponies have the same personality, the fact that society treats people differently based on gender means that their stories might be slightly different. This is a story which is only really possible in the Cross and Arrow Universe.

Spoiler: I haven't actually read "On a Cross and Arrow". I've been meaning to. No time.

My submission for the February Write Off.

Published 2012-03-06 18:23:25 UTC
Last updated 2012-02-20 03:24:48 UTC

Bubble Berry: Be a Man!

The Great and Powerful Presto sat in the middle of Ponyville Park, watching the bustle of the other ponies as they began their day. A brown-coated mare wearing a bowtie passed just feet away, and she stopped, sniffing the air confused.

“Just keep walking, lady,” muttered Presto under his breath. “The Great and Powerful Presto does not have time to deal with no-name ponies like you.” Eventually the mare gave up and continued on her way. Presto sighed in relief. He'd forgotten that the invisibility spell couldn't mask scent. If he'd been discovered, he would have had a difficult time explaining what he was still doing in Ponyville when, by all appearances, he had left town weeks ago.

His personal description of his activity was “biding”. He could be quite the planner when he needed to be. The stallion considered himself tenacious to a fault. A part of him knew that in reality he was just obsessed.

On the other side of the duck pond, two other stallions were conversing, but they were too quiet to hear. Presto began weaving a spell to amplify his hearing ability, so he could pick up their words. The yellow and pink pegasus pony was mentioning something about tea. Presto didn't care. His attention was entirely devoted to the other pony, a violet unicorn.

That cur, Dusk Shine. Just who did he think he was, stealing Presto's glory, making him out to be a fraud, and then prancing around like nothing had happened? Lives had been ruined that day. How dare that vicious and malevolent Dusk put it off like it was nothing? Presto imagined all the things he would do to the other unicorn if he ever got the chance. Dusk would regret ever messing with a unicorn of his caliber. First, he would make him confess that the Great and Powerful Presto was the most powerful unicorn in Equestria. In public. In front of all his friends, he would admit that no other pony, especially not he, could ever home to compare to Presto's raw skill, talent, ravishing good looks, and humility. Then maybe he would take Dusk Shine back to his wagon and add his own personal revenge.

Presto remembered that he no longer had a wagon. That was okay. Dusk Shine would build him a new one, and he would watch. No magic allowed; the whole thing would be built by hoof. He imagined Dusk Shine struggling to nail the boards together, his muscles twitching with each swing of the hammer, his body going back and forth, back and forth...

The daydream was interrupted by the sound of a rapid thumping. A white rabbit was rapidly stamping his foot on the ground, looking up at Presto and frowning.

How had the bunny found him? He was supposed to be invisible. Sound? Smell? Did he really smell that bad? Taking a second glance, Presto realized he recognized the bunny as belonging to the yellow pony that was talking to Dusk Shine. He grinned wickedly, the pieces of the plan clicking into place. He now knew exactly how to put Dusk Shine in his place. Maybe he could even have some fun with this.

***

The pegasus Rainbow Blitz critically eyed the clock mounted on the wall of Sugarcube Corner, as if the clock, somehow sensing his impatience, would jump ahead and spare the stallion what was quickly becoming a massive waste of time. He imagined that he was back in the air, practicing his new tricks. Blazefire had offered to teach him the Flames of Glory, the trick the older and more experienced stallion had used to first gain entrance into the Wonderbolts. It would be the most dangerous stunt Blitz had ever attempted by far, considering that he would be generating actual, tangible flames, but the confident and cocky pegasus felt more than up to the challenge to perfect it. He imagined himself blasting through the air, the heat of the titular Flames racing after him.

He shuffled anxiously in his seat, his pale blue rump rubbing against the pink upholstery of the booth. Streamers of a slightly more bold shade of pink hung from the rafters, and red and white balloons were littered about the ceiling. Rainbow Blitz thought it looked like a strawberry smoothie had been mixed in with a bubble bath, and the resulting mixture painted on every surface. It was just so much pink, more pink than Blitz was used to handling at one time. It made him feel trapped. And girly.

In the center of the room, the pinkest thing imaginable was literally sliding across the wooden floor, a tray of cakes balanced impossibly atop his head. Rainbow Blitz's close friend Bubble Berry slid to a stop in front of his customer, a stallion much older than either him or Blitz, out with his son, who was much younger. The blank-flanked colt was a slightly duller pink, almost orange or brown. He wore a green baseball cap, turned backward so that his horn stuck out through the hole in the back. His green eyes sparkled with energy, and Berry, either because he saw the colt's enthusiasm or because he was just being his usual perky self, offered the colt a high five, which was eagerly returned.

The colt's father, a purple stallion with a disheveled mane, a five-o-clock shadow, and a bunch of grapes for a cutie mark, looked up at Berry and frowned, but he said nothing. He appeared hung over, and knowing him, Blitz would have been surprised in the slightest.

Bubble Berry's face broke out into an enormous grin. “Hi!” He squealed, his mirth bubbling up like his name implied. “You're Rusty Punch, right?”

The colt nodded. “Yeah,” he said, slightly nervous but encouraged by Berry's enthusiasm. “How'd you know?”

“Silly, I know every pony in Ponyville. Do you remember who I am?” The blank look on Rusty's face told Berry that he didn't. Berry grinned even wider. He loved being able to introduce himself. He leaped into the air while he shouted his name, and a noisemaker hidden in his hair exploded, startling Rusty's father, who had so far only been paying marginal attention to what was going on around him.

“Berry?” said the young colt, amused. “My dad's name is Berry too!”

The stallion, Barry Paunch, finally took action, placing his hoof over his son’s, signaling silence. “Enough,” he told Rusty, and he turned to Bubble Berry. “Can we have our food? We're in a bit of a hurry.”

“What?” cried Rusty, confused. “No we aren't. We're...” but he was cut off by a stern look from his father.

Bubble Berry nodded, flicking his neck and launching the tray of cakes off his head. It landed flatly on the table, and while Rusty Punch gasped, amazed by the acrobatic trick, his father ignored it, collecting the cakes in his saddlebag.

“Do you want a doggy bag?” asked Bubble Berry confused, but the stallion ignored him. Once the cakes were hidden away, Barry Paunch pulled out of the booth and grabbed his son. He began to make his way to the door, pushing Rusty and using his own body as a shield. If the young colt understood his father's behavior, his face didn't show it. Both Rusty and Bubble Berry were perplexed as the father-son pair left Sugar Cube corner in a hurry.

Berry frowned. Why had they suddenly behaved that way? He forced himself to push the thought aside. His shift had already ended, and he was just taking care of the remaining customers before he left with Rainbow Blitz. He saw the pegasus waiting in his own booth, waiting impatiently and moodily sipping from a milkshake. He didn't mean to keep his friend waiting; he understood that to Rainbow Blitz, speed was everything.

He made his way into the back room, Barry Paunch's behavior still eating away at him. Paunch was the town drunk. Maybe he had just had a bit too much to drink and wasn't thinking straight? That was one possibility, but Berry doubted it was the correct one. The older stallion's behavior was deliberate. Berry tried to think of an alternative answer. Maybe, was it something about... him? Was it something he had done?

His thought process was interrupted as he nearly avoided walking into Mr. Cake. Berry quickly composed himself, trying to look professional in front of his boss. “Anything else I can do?” he asked, his voice even higher than normal as he came down from the surprise.

Mr. Cake smiled softly. There was something about short and pudgy ponies, thought Berry, that just made them easier to get along with. He hadn't quite figured out why yet, but he was going to. It would be the scientific discovery of the century. Peer reviewed by Dusk Shine and everything. “Oh, just go,” said Mr. Cake, kindness and sincerity managing to leak out of his mouth with every word. “You've been working hard, your shift ended ten minutes ago, and your friend is waiting.”

Berry nodded and gave the widest smile he could manage, which was so wide it hurt. Then he galloped off to give Rainbow Blitz the good news.

Blitz was almost at his limit when Berry sprang out of nowhere, wrapping his friend in a giant bear hug. Blitz gritted his teeth and endured. It might have been a little embarrassing, being on the receiving end of such a gesture, but Blitz knew it was worth it, because Blitz could tell Berry anything.

***

It wasn't until after the pair had left Sugarcube Corner that Bubble Berry finally worked up the courage to ask the question.

“Why do some ponies hate me?”

It was honest and innocent, the way a foal might ask about a concept it didn't quite understand because it wasn't old enough, yet Blitz's heart skipped a beat anyway.

“Please, Blitzy,” continued Bubble Berry. “Is there something wrong with me?”

Rainbow Blitz sighed. There was no way he was getting out of this. “There's nothing wrong with you, Berry,” he said. “You're not going to get along with everypony. That's just the way life is.”

He heard Berry behind him gasp, and suddenly Berry was in front of him, somehow popping in from above. “Not get along?” he cried, as if it were the worst thing in the world. “Do you know who I am? I'm Ponyville's resident party pony! It's my job to lift everypony's spirits. I even have a cutie mark for it. So saying that I can't get along with somepony is like saying that there's a book Dusk Shine can't read, or a suit Elusive can't make! It's who I am. If you take that away from me, I have nothing. Nothing!” The last world was screamed frantically, and Rainbow Blitz took a step back. He'd seen Berry get this crazed before, and he had no desire to see it again.

“Tell me why he doesn’t like me!” cried the pink pony. Blitz sighed, finally relenting.

“Have you even looked at yourself in the mirror?” he asked.

Berry raised one ear, his face contorting into asymmetrical confusion. “Well, duh,” he said. “It would be pretty hard not to. Have you ever tried not looking in a mirror? They’re everywhere. I mean, I guess maybe if you were a vampire. But there’s no such thing as vampires. And you wouldn’t be able to brush your mane. And...”

“That’s not what I mean, Berry. I mean, Paunch is sort of, well, a traditional pony. He has his ideas of how things are supposed to be. How ponies are supposed to behave.”

“Does that behavior include drinking a lot?”

Blitz paused. “No. I don’t think it does. But it’s not about what he does. It’s about what you do.”

“So there is something wrong with me,” said Berry dejectedly. Blitz noticed that Berry’s bangs, which usually bobbed above his face, had begun to droop, flopping about and landing on his face with each movement. In the pink pony’s distress, there were many such movements.

“According to him, yes.”

“So that’s why he doesn’t want me around Rusty.”

“But he doesn’t know you. He just thinks that you’re... well, you know.”

“I’m what?”

“You’ve seen the way you act. So peppy, so expressive.” He paused. “So gay.”

“Is that a problem? How can I cheer everypony up unless I’m willing to have a gay old time?”

Rainbow Blitz furrowed his brow. “No,” he tried again. “I mean he thinks you’re a coltcuddler.”

“He doesn’t like cuddling? That prude.” Bubble Berry crossed his forelegs and harrumphed as loudly as he could. Blitz groaned. This wasn’t happening.

“He thinks you’re a fag!” Blitz finally cried, thinking of no other synonyms and abandoning all subtlety.

Bubble Berry looked as if he’d just been punched. His jaw hung loosely, as if he knew he had to respond but didn’t have the first clue what to say. His eyes were bulging, and Blitz thought he saw them begin to water.

“Berry?” Blitz asked cautiously. “You okay?”

“No,” muttered Bubble Berry, his hair now beginning to frazzle and fall apart. “Why would he think that?” His voice had fallen and was nearly a whisper.

“You’re kidding, right? You prance around like a show horse, you bake cakes for a living, and to top it all off, you’re as pink as cotton candy. Are you really that surprised that Barry Paunch doesn’t think you’re manly?”

Bubble Berry’s sniffling momentarily stopped. “Are you saying that if I were manlier, more ponies would like me?”

Rainbow Blitz realized too late what he had been implying. “That’s not what I said, Berry.” Before he could clarify, however, the pink stallion launched himself at Blitz, knocking him onto the ground. Blitz looked around nervously. They were in the middle of the street and were beginning to turn heads. There were already so many rumors about Bubble Berry’s proclivities. Any pony that saw them like this would be certain to jump to the wrong conclusion. He had to rectify this immediately. But any plans he may have had were instantly derailed by Berry’s next request.

“Teach me how to be manly, Blitz.”

Blitz was nearly speechless, and he could only find the clarity required to say one word. “What?”

“I mean it, Blitz. You’re the manliest stallion in Ponyville. You can make Barry Paunch like me.”

Blitz couldn’t bring himself to look Berry in the eyes, so and turned away and noticed the ponies gawking at them. He couldn’t figure out which view was worse. “I don’t think this is a good idea,” he managed to say. “Lots of ponies like you for who you are.”

“Yes, but I want every pony to like me. And you can help me.”

Blitz rolled his eyes. “You won’t take no for an answer, will you?”

Berry eagerly shook his head, the enthusiasm beginning to return to him.

“Fine. I’ll do it.”

Berry leaped up into the air, higher than Blitz would have imagined was possible. When he landed, the momentum carried his head down and he kissed his friend on the cheek. “Oh, thankyouthankyouthankyou!” he cried, overcome with joy.

“Sure,” muttered Blitz, suddenly feeling uneasy. He needed to take control of the situation. “Let’s start with that,” he said, pushing the pink pony off of him.

“With what?”

“That. This is Equestria, not Prance or Germaney. No hugs and no kisses.”

“No hugs?” Berry’s squeaked, as if he had just been told that Gummy was sick, or that all the ice cream in the world had simultaneously melted.

Rainbow Blitz groaned again. This was going to be a long day.

***

The first stop was the Carousel Boutique.

“If you want to be a man, you need to dress like one,” explained Rainbow Blitz as Bubble Berry followed him nervously into the boutique. While he had visited dozens of times to see Elusive, he had never actually had the intent of making a purchase. The only thing out of the boutique he had worn was the suit Elusive had made him for the Grand Galloping Gala.

Most of the clothing on display were suits, but there were a small row of dresses, specially prepared for the upcoming Clover Day pageant Apple Buck’s school was putting on. One of the costumes strongly reminded Berry of the dress he had worn during the makeshift song and dance number at Appleloosa. He must have been looking at it for too long, because he was interrupted by a smack across his back from Rainbow Blitz’s hoof.

“I bet Pinkie Pie didn’t get a second look from that,” he muttered under his breath.

Pinkie Pie. His gender-swapped counterpart from an alternate reality. The meeting between the two groups may have been strange for the others, but Berry had managed to take it in stride. For the first time he had met another pony that shared his tastes and enthusiasm. He wished she were back here. Pinkie Pie would know what to do.

Elusive stuck his head through the door to the back room, a measuring tape hanging from his mouth and a roll of fabric and a pair of scissors levitating behind him. “Rainbow Blitz! Bubble Berry!” he called. “To what do I owe this visit?”

“Oh! Rainbow Blitz wants you to make me beautiful!”

Elusive gave a confused look to Blitz, who had buried his head in his hoof. “He means handsome. Do you have a suit for him or something?”

Elusive nodded, still not entirely understanding what was happening. “I see,” he said, even though he didn't. “I've always wanted a new challenge. I'll need your measurements, of course. Blitz, darling? Can you come here a moment?”

Berry was confused. “Wouldn't you need me to get my measurements, not Blitzy?”

Elusive laughed nervously. “You would think so, but no. Blitz, darling. Come.” With a small telekinetic yank, Rainbow Blitz stumbled forward. He followed Elusive until they were out of earshot.

“Explain,” said Elusive. “Now.”

“What?”

“I'm not dense, Blitz. Call it a fashionista's intuition, if you will, but something tells me this wasn't Bubble Berry's idea.”

“Fine. The kid wants to be taken seriously, but the suit was my idea.”

“Bubble Berry doesn't need a suit to be taken seriously,” hissed Elusive. “And I can't believe he wants one.”

“Can't you see where he's coming from, even a little bit? You know how we all thought you were gay before Bluebell.”

Elusive's eyes narrowed. “We agreed to never speak that name again. Ever.”

“Look,” said Blitz, beginning to become frustrated. “Can you humor me? Please?”

“This isn't about you, Blitz, in case you haven't forgotten. If I make Bubble Berry a suit, it will be because he wants one. Perhaps we should ask him.” He turned to the pink pony, who was beginning to tap a beat on the ground in frustration. “Berry, sweetheart. Do you really want to be forced into a stuffy suit?”

Bubble Berry cocked his head and frowned, thinking it over. “Well not when you put it that way,” he said at last.

“You see?” Elusive asked Blitz, feeling triumphant. “Now, if you don't mind, this little escapade, brief as it was, risks putting me behind schedule. I need to finish making the first batch of zoot suits for Canterlot. Stripes are in this season, and...”

Before he could finish his sentence, Elusive found himself staring deep into Bubble Berry's enormous green eyes.

“Zoot!” the pink pony cried happily. “Zoot suit!” He began to prance around the room, calling, “Zoot suit! Zoot suit!”

Elusive was confused. “Dear,” he called to Berry. “Are you saying you do want a suit now?”

“Yup!” called Berry in response. “A zoot suit!” He paused in front of a rack of collared shirts. “Are these them?”

“Do you even know what a zoot suit is?” asked Elusive, frustrated at trying to understand his friend.

“Nope! But it's so fun to say! Zoot suit! And if it's fun to say then it must be fun to wear. Can I have one? Please?”

Elusive was taken aback by Berry's forwardness. “I was making them for another client, Berry.”

“Pleeeeease?”

“For Solaris's sake, you don't even know what they look like!”

Berry's lower lip began to quiver.

***

Bubble Berry exited the Carousel Boutique proudly, dressed in black and green vertical stripes.

“Happy?” asked Rainbow Blitz. “I got you what you wanted. Are we done now?”

“Done?” Bubble Berry seemed offended at the word. “The suit is spiffy. Scrumptious. Wonderfully amazing. A bit hard to move around in, though.” He stepped out into the bright sunlight, nearly stumbling over his hooves as he did so. “Actually, really hard to move around in. The price of perfection, I suppose.”

“The price of perfection?” Rainbow Blitz's words came slowly. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. “Are you feeling all right?” Berry didn't look very well. His eyelids were drooping slightly, and for some reason he looked a bit... greyer.

“I'm a new stallion, Rainbow Blitz, and this it just the tip of the iceberg.”

Blitz shook his head. This didn't sound like Bubble Berry at all.

“Equestria to Rainbow Blitz,” he heard Berry say. “What's the next stop on our spiffyification tour?”

***

Carrot Top felt sick as he looked over his crops. This was even worse than the time Herpy stole everything out of his fridge. Half-eaten carrots had been uprooted from the soil and were lying strewn about the field. The gate separating his carrot garden from the rest of his property had been completely torn off its hinges. He was at a loss as to what kind of creature would both want to do this and be able to.

“Herpy?” he called tentatively. His friend had pulled crazier stunts. “Where are you?” Realizing how angry he probably sounded, he added, “We can talk about this. I'm not mad, I promise.” He noticed a pair of tracks leading into the garden, and another leading away. The prints were smaller than a pony's, but not by much.

“Herpy?” Carrot Top began to follow the prints, which led around the house to the back. “Are you there?” He frowned, confused, as he continued to follow the trail. Either his mind was playing tricks on him, or the prints were getting bigger the further he went. He turned the corner, not having the first clue what to expect.

He found himself nearly face to face with a giant feral rabbit. It was larger than any rabbit Carrot Top had ever seen before. It's coat was dirty, matted with dirt and bits of vegetation; cleanliness didn't seem to be on its list of priorities. It growled at him menacingly before turning to flee.

No, correction, thought Carrot Top. Not flee. Leap into his cabbage patch.

Part of Carrot Top wanted to try and shoo the creature away. These were his crops, and he needed to protect them. On the other hoof, however, he had no desire to get into a tussle with the thing. It was almost as big as he was. It would probably be much better to just get some pest control. Butterscotch often dealt with wild animals. Maybe he would know what to do.

Thinking of Butterscotch, however, served to remind Carrot Top where he'd seen the rabbit before. “Hey,” he called at it. “Don't you belong to...”

Before he could finish, the rabbit hissed, having already devoured multiple entire heads of cabbage. Then the creature began to shudder, overcome by some unknown force. All Carrot Top could do was stare.

The rabbit's limbs shot out, growing to much longer than they had been before. It's eyes bulged out of their sockets, and for a few seconds the face was downright terrifying, and then the rest of the head grew to match. The body was last, but when the transformation was complete, the creature was now a good head taller than Carrot Top. It hissed, and Carrot felt his knees lock.

“This can't be good,” he muttered to himself. Also, this clearly wasn't normal. Something strange had happened. Something magical. And there was only one pony to turn to when it came to magic.

He waited, frozen from fear, while the creature finished eating his crops and hopped away, looking no doubt for a new victim to terrify. As soon as the rabbit was gone, Carrot Top started running for the library.

Floating above the scene and still invisible, Presto chuckled. Exactly as planned. Soon he would have his revenge against that despicable Dusk Shine. The pitiable unicorn would be staring up at him with those evil, marvelous eyes, begging for forgiveness, whispering an apology from his filthy, hypocritical, full and succulent lips.

***

Rainbow Blitz didn't know what to expect. Butterscotch and Dusk Shine were two of the least studly stallions imaginable. Yet when Blitz had explained his predicament to the studious unicorn later that day, Dusk had smiled the sort of smile that meant he thought he was being clever. He had then extended an invitation to both of them for Solaris knew what. Whatever plan they had cooked up to make a man out of Bubble Berry would be interesting to watch, even if Blitz had little hopes it would work.

As he followed Bubble Berry into Butterscotch's cottage, he realized that even if he had made a list of ideas, Butterscotch's plan wouldn't have been on it.

The two stallions were having a tea party. They were sitting on mats on opposite ends of a square table. They both were cradling small saucers in their hooves. As the door opened, Butterscotch looked up and smiled, his movements slow, fluid, and purposeful. Dusk Shine soon followed suit, and he smiled softly.

Rainbow's eye twitched, and his jaw threatened to dent the floor.

Bubble Berry, on the other hand, bounded in, a spring in his step. Before he made it to the table, however, Butterscotch set down his cup and raised a hoof, motioning for Berry to stop.

“Horseshoes off, please,” ordered Butterscotch.

Blitz gawked. “You know, they don't just come off that easily.” Butterscotch looked up at him, as if he were processing the complaint, but his facial expression didn't change from the still, slight smile. It was as if Butterscotch was taking note of what Blitz was saying but nothing else. Not judging. Not planning a retort. Just accepting. The scene was incredibly peaceful.

It creeped Blitz out, and he decided it was probably in his best interest to comply. As he looked down at his hooves, trying to figure out the best way to remove the shoes so that they could be most easily reattached, he saw a violet light in the corner of his eye, and he heard a multitude of small clicks. The horseshoes clattered to the ground.

Okay. Maybe when there was magic involved, they do come off that easily.

The problem solved, Bubble Berry began bouncing toward Butterscotch again, but the yellow stallion again raised his hoof and stopped him.

Rainbow Blitz settled in next to Dusk Shine. “Care to explain what's going on here?” he asked the unicorn. “I don't see how tea and cookies is going to make Bubble Berry a man.”

“I didn't say it would,” said Dusk Shine, closing his eyes and keeping the same kind smile. “Just that I would try. This is a Neighpon Amnesty Ceremony. Commonly used by ponies in the east as a means of settling disputes and finding peace with one another. Or, alternatively, finding peace with oneself.”

Blitz frowned. “And what makes it different from any other frou-frou tea party?”

“The expectations.”

Butterscotch turned to Berry. “Walk,” he instructed. “Slowly. Don't lift the next hoof until the first one is firmly on the ground. Don't skip. You need to be at peace with the world and aware of your surroundings. Now return to the door and try again.”

“Okie dokie Loki!”

“Be calm and coordinated in all that you do, Bubble Berry. This includes speech. Do not speak your mind until you have first listened to it. What you say should be what you mean, and nothing more.”

Blitz smirked, beginning to realize what Butterscotch and Dusk Shine were trying to do.

“The ceremony is all about refinement,” explained Dusk Shine. “Being able to give as well as take, listen as well as speak. Once the world is your equal, you will be able to learn so much from it. This is the lesson Butterscotch and I have decided to impart to Bubble Berry. This serenity, this control over one's own being, this is what it means to be a man. I think you could learn a bit from it too, Rainbow Blitz.”

Over the next hour, Butterscotch guided Bubble Berry through the proper procedures of the Neighpon Amnesty Ceremony, while Dusk Shine provided Rainbow Blitz with commentary. And, over the next hour, Blitz watched as Berry slowly transformed, his gestures becoming less emotive, his movements more controlled and deliberate. And as much as he hated to admit it, he had to give credit where credit was due. Butterscotch and Dusk Shine's stupid tea party ceremony was doing the best job so far of teaching Bubble Berry to act like a truly refined gentlestallion. Rainbow Blitz was even considering joining in himself when Carrot Top nearly broke down the door.

“Dusk Shine!” he cried, panting for breath and nearly falling on top of him. “I've been looking all over for you. You weren't at the library, and Barbs thought you were with Harpsy and Babar. I ran into Herpy, who said he saw you with Applejack, and Applejack told me you were with Butterscotch. We've got a problem.”

“What kind of problem?” asked Rainbow.

“A really big one. A huge problem. I need you to come with me, stat. Butterscotch too.”

***

“Oh, dear,” said Butterscotch as he viewed the destruction. “Did little Angel really do all this?”

It seemed impossible. The five ponies were standing in the middle of the bowling alley. Or what was left of it. There was a hole in the wall about the size of a bear, and a trail of cracked and splintered wood that lead up to the snack bar. The other half of the building was completely devastated. The walls and ceiling had begun to cave in.

“Uh, I don't think he's little anymore, Butters,” said Bubble Berry. “He's like a leopizilla.”

“How did this happen?” asked Carrot Top. “Have you ever seen anything like this before?”

Dusk Shine shook his head. “Maybe he ate something from the Everfree Forest. Other than that, I can't imagine how this could possibly happen by accident.”

“You're saying that somepony did this to Angel on purpose?” asked Butterscotch, fraught with pity and worry. “Poor Angel bunny.”

“We don't know that yet,” said Dusk Shine, trying to take charge of the situation. “But we're going to help her. If I can get close enough to her, I can try to identify whatever made her grow out of control like this, and then we can figure out a way to reverse it.”

“Yeah, great,” added Rainbow Blitz. “Except we need to find her first.” Which shouldn't be too hard, all things considered. If the damage to the far wall was any indication, Angel had grown too large to easily hide. “Butters and I can do a flyover,” he offered, trying to be helpful.

Dusk Shine nodded. “Let us know if you find anything. Bubble Berry and I will follow the trail of destruction. Anything that big shouldn't be too hard to track.” He turned to address Carrot Top. “Get somewhere safe. I promise you we'll take care of this.”

***

“We need a battle plan,” were Dusk Shine's first words after the group split up. He and Bubble Berry were crawling through the wreckage, following the trail of smashed buildings. Ponyville was quickly being reduced to rubble. “I need to get close to Angel to cast the diagnosis spell, but I don't want to hurt her unless absolutely necessary. Any ideas?”

“A distraction?”

Dusk Shine's face instantly brightened. “Perfect. You keep her occupied. I'll sneak in and use my magic to figure out what's wrong with him.”

Bubble Berry froze in his tracks. “Me? Distract that?”

Dusk Shine turned around. “Why not? You're the resident party pony. Remember when we were had to stop that dragon from smoking up all of Equestria? You said all it needed was a good laugh. Now, granted, that didn't actually work, and you probably could have been seriously hurt in the process, but the point still stands. Use balloons. Streamers. Solaris knows you like streamers.”

“But, but...” Berry began to counter, but Dusk had resumed his tracking of the killer rabbit.

This was turning into a disaster. He couldn't be the distraction. Every pony was going to be watching. How could he prove that he was a real man when he was busting out his party cannon in front of the entire town? If Barry Paunch saw him act so... so... foppish in the face of danger, he would never win the older stallion over.

On the other hand, standing up to a giant rampaging monster did require a lot of courage. Courage was manly, right? Maybe if he went about it the right way...

“Alright,” he said with newfound determination. “I'll be your distraction. Let's do this.” He chased after Dusk Shine, who had by now gotten a good deal ahead of him.

A ferocious roar nearly threw both ponies off their hooves. Dusk and Berry watched, horrified, as off in the distance, Town Hall crumbled, an impossibly large monster rising out of the rubble. It now only vaguely resembled a rabbit at all. Its ears stood rigid above its head, and its overgrown snout seemed like it would fit better on a shark than on any mammal. It now towered above the town, at least twice as tall as the Ursa Minor.

Bubble Berry was glad that his zoot suit hadn't included boots, or else he might have been shaking in them. And shaking in zoot suit boots, and funny as it sounded to Berry, was sure to be uncomfortable.

“Showtime,” muttered Dusk Shine, and Berry felt weightless as a cloud of magic enveloped them both. Then the earth spun away beneath him, and he felt himself being hurdled through the void as the pair winked out of existence.

***

Angel had never felt this hungry before.

It wasn't really a sensation as much as it was a pure, insatiable need. Focusing on anything else was impossible, as the impulse drove all other thoughts out of her head. Find food. Eat. Find more food. It was all she was now.

But now she was running out of food. The tiny morsels she managed to find just weren't enough to satisfy her anymore. Why had everything gotten so small? She needed a new plan, a new source of food.

“Hey!”

The small voice came from a small pony. Angel turned, cumbersomely, to look at the creature that dared to bother her. It was a pink blob dressed in a dark green suit. Pink curls fell very nearly vertically down its face, obscuring the eyes. It was still really small, but bigger than most of the food she was able to find. Were ponies food? She couldn't remember. Perhaps it was time for her to find out.

“Uh oh.”

Bubble Berry hadn't expected Angel's response to be a large paw bearing down on top of him. He scrambled to the side, just barely clearing the shadow that had fallen over him. He quickly recovered and broke into a canter, desperate to get as far from Angel as possible now that he had her attention.

“You owe me one, Dusk Shine,” he muttered under his breath. Hopefully the unicorn would be able to get his job done.

Bubble Berry prided himself on being able to navigate Ponyville effortlessly. He knew every square inch of the town like it was his living room. Unfortunately, his living room wasn't usually under attack by bunny monsters, and it was becoming difficult to distinguish one disordered heap of rubble from the next.

He also didn't have a living room, since he lived in an attic, but he pushed that thought away for the time being.

The problem, of course, was that Angel was now on the move, which defeated the whole point of Berry being a distraction in the first place. He needed some way to keep Angel in one place long enough for Dusk to get a fix.

Up ahead of him, a strut had fallen in the middle of his path. He didn't think it would be likely to slow down Angel, but it wasn't a problem for him either. He flexed his legs and leaped over it deftly.

As he extended his front legs in preparation for the landing, however, they caught on something. He couldn't tell what, at first. There hadn't been any sort of protrusions sticking out of the strut, and he had more than cleared the distance. And yet his front legs refused to move all the way out. They kept being tugged back by the restricting fabric of the zoot suit.

Unable to stick the landing, Berry tripped and toppled onto his side. He tried frantically to scramble back up onto his hooves, but Angel was already on top of him, the monstrous shadow blocking out the light.

Well, at least Angel wasn't moving any more. Berry squeezed his eyes shut, too terrified to watch as the bunny went in for the kill.

Being crushed felt a lot different that he expected. For starters, he could still feel all of limbs attached and functioning properly. Rather, it felt a good deal more like being hit from the side, and then being dragged through the air...

Berry dared to open his eyes, and he realized he was high above the ground, being carried aloft by Rainbow Blitz. Blitz's eyes were watering as his expression slowly changed from shock and horror to relief, and then to joyous laughter. Bubble Berry found himself giggling alongside his friend.

“Don't do that again,” warned Blitz, his voice becoming deathly serious.

“Why?” teased Bubble Berry. “You're just going to come to my rescue again.”

Blitz wasn't amused. “I mean it. What if I drop you?”

Berry thought for a moment. “Do it.”

“What?”

“Drop me. Onto its back.” He looked down. They were currently directly above Angel, who was howling in anger from her lost prey.

Blitz glared at Berry sternly. “Not a chance. I'm pulling you out of this.”

“Why? Not manly enough?”

Blitz, surprised, shut his mouth and loosened his grip. Berry used the moment to wrestle himself out of Blitz's grip and leap through the air, landing in a thick nest of matted fur. Angel surprised, began turning in circles, trying to reach Berry with her paws or find some way to throw him off. Berry adamantly refused to let go.

Below him, he heard a familiar voice. An irritating and haughty voice.

“Everypony stand back and marvel at the amazing powers of the Great and Powerf... ooph.”

Berry couldn't see what happened, but he could imagine. He could only ponder this for a moment, however, before a particularly violent shake of the rabbit's body threw him off. He flew for a short distance before crashing into the side of Briarpluck's flower shop.

He stood as quickly as he could. Rainbow blitz should have caught him. If the pegasus didn't catch him, then that meant...

He spotted the rainbow mane on the other side of the ruins of town hall, near a blue stallion that had to be Presto. What was Presto doing here?

The clues clicked into place.

Berry made a mad dash for where Blitz and Presto had fallen. If Presto was here, then Berry had no doubts that he was somehow responsible. And if Presto started this whole fiasco, than surely he knew how to fix it.

He was halfway across when Angel noticed him. The rabbit howled, angry, hungry and looking to get revenge on the ponies that had disrupted her attempts to find food.

Berry remembered Butterscotch's command from just an hour before. “You need to be at peace with the world and aware of your surroundings.” Berry mentally prepared himself, focusing on nothing but the world around him. Every movement registered in his brain. Every shift in the scenery. He stopping thinking about out his own thoughts, which had until that moment been bouncing around in his head. They were distractions, but he accepted them now. He didn't reject them or follow them up, but he paid them no extra attention. The world was what he wanted to focus on now.

He was amazed at how easy it came. It was like instinct. He didn't even have to try. As soon as the paw came within his field of vision, he maneuvered effortlessly to the side, and the attack fell short by yards. And while Angel was large, she was also slow. Berry knew that she wouldn't be able to recover in time.

He finished crossing the distance and was on Presto instantly. He picked the showstallion up by his shoulders and was surprised when he didn't put up much of a fight. Presto's eyes were unfocused.

“It won't stop ringing,” he muttered, and Berry noticed that he'd been hit on the head, right above the ear. “My head won't stop ringing.”

Rainbow Blitz had managed to stand and lumber his way over to the other two ponies. “Where the hay is Dusk Shine?” he demanded.

That seemed to get Presto's attention, although he still wasn't completely coherent. “Dusk Shine?” he asked. “Yeah, where is he? I need to beat him senseless. And then help him recover.”

Blitz couldn't help but imagine the pain Presto must be feeling, with the ringing ears making it impossible to do anything useful.

The idea formed.

“Berry,” he shouted excitedly, and the pink earth pony dropped Presto in surprise.

“Yeah?”

“I know how to stop Angel. What are bunnies known for?”

Berry thought, and could only come up with the obvious answer. “Having lots of...”

“No.” said Blitz rather forcefully, making it clear that he had no interest in hearing how Berry planned on ending that sentence. “Ears. Long floppy ears. They must have good hearing, don't you think?”

“So?”

“So who is the one pony that always knows how to make lots of noise, not matter how many times I ask him to just shut up?”

Blitz's meaning finally dawned on Berry. “I can't,” he said. “Not in front of everypony.”

“Why not? I've been to your parties, Berry. You're like an animal.”

“Exactly, Blitz. I don't want to be that anymore. I'm a proper pony now.”

“Like hay you are. Just because you learned how to sit still for an hour doesn't make you a proper pony. So please, just get out there and save us.”

Berry felt his breathing quicken. “But Barry Paunch...”

“Forget Paunch. Right now I think the whole of Ponyville is more important than Barry Paunch.”

Blitz watched Berry's expression carefully. He looked conflicted, as if he were trying to remember something he had forgotten. Slowly, he reached behind him and returned with an inflated balloon.

Blitz eyed the balloon quizzically. Where did that come from? It was as if he had just pulled it out of thin air. Blitz reached forward and took the balloon from Berry, tossing it playfully in the air.

“This is who you are, Berry. You lift everypony's spirits. Weird, funny, nopony-can-explain-it Bubble Berry. I've seen you do the impossible, Berry. I've seen you perform miracles. But you're the only one who can do it. So do it one more time, please. Because right now, Ponyville needs a miracle.”

The balloon landed on Bubble Berry's head, where it stuck to his hair. He tried to peel it off, and his hair clung to it, forcefully lifted out of its limp shape. As it did, a grin broke out on his face, gaining in intensity alongside the volume of his hair.

Blitz, laughing, wrapped Bubble Berry in a hug. “It's good to have you back,” he said.

“It's not over yet, soldier” said Bubble Berry, his smile shining so bright it was nearly blinding. “Let's do this.”

***

Angel, deciding that some ponies were more trouble than they were worth, had left the City Hall and its inhabitants behind. Perhaps there were other ponies that had fewer objections to being eaten. Perhaps she could experiment with eating wood.

“Hi again!”

Angel searched for the source of the sound. It was a familiar irritant to her. Something she knew she had to stamp out.

“Down here!”

Looking toward the ground, she spotted the same pink pony from before, but he looked somehow different. He was no longer wearing the suit. His hair seemed to have much more volume now and was impossibly kept aloft. And he was wearing the biggest, goofiest grin Angel had ever seen.

He was also wearing a bulky ensemble of musical instruments. He gave the horn a toot, if only to test and make sure it was working, but the noise was grating to Angel’s ears.

“Did that feel bad?” asked the pony. “Sorry. I’m still getting the hang of playing this thing. I’ll get better, so just wait a minute.” He played a rapid fanfare on the trumpet, accompanied by a drumbeat. “See? Better already.”

Angel roared and tried to crush the pony beneath her foot, but the pony dodged effortlessly. He was moving fast. Impossibly fast for a pony carrying such a massive instrument. The next thing she knew, he was somehow behind him.

“You know, it’s funny,” continued the pony. “I forgot I could do this for a while. I got so caught up on what I wanted that I forgot about what I already had. For example, did you know I could do this?”

Before Angel could respond, the pony dropped out of sight and disappeared. Angel spun quickly, trying to locate the irritant, but he was gone.

“Hello, Angel!” came a sudden cry that was many times louder than anything the pony had managed to do before. “Wow, it’s a nice view from up here. Don’t want fall though.” Not only was the noise almost deafening, but it was also exclusively in her right ear. She now sensed a weight pulling that side of her body down. Was the pony inside her ear? How did he even get there?

The pony leaped out of Angel’s ear, seemingly propelled by a rocket. Except there was no rocket. For no adequately explainable reason, the pony was flying through the air. And making an absolute racket while doing so. Sparks flew off of his behind as he shot along. The sound of fireworks filled Angel’s ear and made her reel backward. She lost her balance, falling over on top of the Carousel Boutique, where a number of ponies had taken refuge. Among them, Rusty Punch screamed, expecting the worst.

Right before they were crushed, Rusty found himself suddenly in the park, along with all of the other ponies that had hid out with him, including his father. Bubble Berry was among them, doing a quick headcount to make sure they were all there.

“Sorry, got to go!” he cried before leaping into the duck pond.

***

The pony had disappeared again. Where had he gone off to this time?

“Sorry for leaving you!” the pony cried. “Had to take care of some ponies, save some lives, all that jazz. But don’t worry. I’ve got a grand finale prepared for you. Had to borrow some stuff from a friend of mine. He likes to party almost as much as I do. So this next sound is all thanks to Mister Scratch!”

Angel was overwhelmed by a cacophony blaring from a dozen speakers that had been placed throughout the area. She stuck her paws into her ears, trying to block out the noise, but nothing worked. She struggled, still lying down on top of the Boutique but unable to get back up without removing her paws from her ears. She gave. Whatever the pony wanted, he could have.

Bubble Berry approached to examine his handiwork a whistle in his mouth. Seeing that Angel was down, he blew it happily.

“Now let’s get Dusk Shine to sort this out,” he announced happily.

***

Butterscotch watched as Angel's chest rose and fell. She was once her normal size.

His friends had gathered around the bunny in Butterscotch's cottage, all trying to figure out how such a small bunny had caused such huge problems.

“Is she going to be all right?” Butterscotch asked Dusk Shine, his concern for the animal superseding all other desires.

“She'll be fine,” assured Dusk. “I doubt she'll even remember what happened. You say Presto was responsible for this?”

Bubble Berry smiled, cooing the sleeping animal. He felt better than he had felt all day. Presto had slipped away in the aftermath, but he didn’t care. Everything just felt right.

Blitz eyed Berry, more relieved that his friend was back to his normal self than that Ponyville was no longer in danger. “You know,” he said, looking Berry in the eyes, “This might be a good time to write a letter to the Prince.”

“A good idea, Rainbow,” affirmed Dusk Shine. “Barbs, take a note.”

Dear Prince Solaris,

Today I learned that it's okay to be proud of who you are. Not everypony is going to like you, but that's okay. And you certainly don't need to go changing yourself to please somepony else. Because for every pony that has a problem, there's another who likes you for who you already are.

That said, you should still listen to your friends, because they often have good advice. But you can't let that take away what makes you special.
Dusk Shine's friend,
Bubble Berry.

There was a knock on the door. Butterscotch got up and opened the door, surprised to find Rusty Punch standing at the door, his father behind him.

“Is Bubble Berry here?” Barry Paunch asked, a little unsure of himself. Butterscotch nodded and led the pair in. The color drained from Berry's face as he saw who was at the door. He froze, rigid.

It was Paunch who spoke first. “Thank you,” he said, forcing the words out. “For saving my son.”

Rusty broke away from his father and tackled Berry, hugging him tightly. “I saw you,” he said. “You were awesome.”

Bubble Berry blushed, the color beginning to return to his face as he hugged back. “Thanks,” he said. “I did my best.”

Blitz nodded at Berry, and Berry nodded back, a silent conversation based on a shared experience that only the two of them could fully comprehend.

Bubble Berry had done his best. And that was really all anypony could ask for.