Alice & Syrin's Excellent Adventure

by SyrinKitty

Rating: teen
Tags: Doctor Whooves, Cheerilee, Opalescence, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Romance, Princess Luna, Original Character, Trixie, Octavia, Comedy, Random, Adventure, Derpy Hooves, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, Crossover, DJ P0N-3
Length: 7969

Alice Dee and Syrin von Kitters are time-travelling lesbian ravers who fight crime!

A parody involving drug use, crime fighting, partying and time travelling. Woo hoo!!

Published 2011-10-04 21:31:37 UTC
Last updated 2011-10-05 05:07:53 UTC

Prologue

It was a dark and stormy night in Manehattan, and the bright, fluorescent lights hit the hard pavement providing tiny shelters of light from the dark clouds above. The rain had not yet started, but it was soon to come. Thunder could be heard in the distance and the vague flashes of lightning could also be seen. This was going to be a big one, just like the Cloudsdale Weather Service had scheduled, and pony denizens of the city were all making haste to return home before the storm began in earnest.

“WAAHH!” yelled a young, orange-maned unicorn colt from the back a dark alleyway. “Don’t hurt me! I don’t have anything worth stealing! I swear!”

“Oh yes you do! Hand over the book! There’ll be no excuses this time!” retorted a white-maned mare. “You have it! You said as such!”

“B-b-but it’s a priceless family heirloom! I can’t just hand it over!”

“We’ll see about that!” exclaimed the mare with a wide grin on her face. She began moving towards him, her horn lighting up, as the colt pressed himself further into the dark alleyway. The colt shivered and darted his eyes around, attempting in vain to locate an exit. The white-maned mare approached closer and closer, beginning to invade his personal space bit by bit, and at that moment, he knew all was lost, and just placed his hooves over his head defensively. The mare opened his bag and quickly took out a book, lined with silver and trimmed with jade stones. She looked it over with a sense of pride, flipping through random pages before finally closing it and placing it into her bags. A wide, pleased grin creeped across her face.

“Excellent! With this, revenge against that arrogant, violet villain will finally be within reach! MWAHAHA--”

“Hey! Is there a problem here?” said a voice from the entrance of the alleyway, cutting off the mare’s victory laugh. The white-maned mare whipped her head around and stared into the bright lights of the lamp posts. She could vaguely see the outline of a mare wearing a hat silhouetted against the connecting street.

“YES! HELP! SHE’S MUGGING ME!” shouted the colt, still cowering in the corner.

“Hmpf! Well that wont do!” said the voice, which sounded very distinctly as if it were coming from a mare. The black rainclouds that had hovered over the city finally began their torrential downpour, and the pair of mares reflexively cast their own water-repellent spells to keep themselves dry. It was clear, at this point, that it was a unicorn mare at the entrance of the alley as well.

“Back off! This prize doesn’t belong to you!” retorted the white-maned mare, gritting her teeth aggressively. “Find your own ultra-rare book full of powerful magical spells, wench!”

“I could say the same to you!” called the mare in a determined voice. “Unhand that book and let go of that poor colt at once!”

The white-maned mare grimaced and began to charge a spell, her horn glowing brighter as she began galloping towards the other mare. “You will learn a lesson today! A lesson to never mess with the Great and Power--”

“Do it!” yelled the other mare.

“Meow!”

~

“WAAHH! Don’t hurt me! I don’t have anything worth stealing! I-- … huh?” The colt slowly opened his eyes and stood up, intensely confused. “W-wait... didn’t I just say that a minute ago?”

The white-maned mare blinked with a dumbfounded expression. She was now standing in front of the young colt again, right at the moment she was to take the book. The rain, too, had completely ceased, and not so much as a droplet of water was on the ground. She quickly whipped her head around and looked back at the entrance. The unicorn mare was still there at the entrance, giggling. “W-what did you do?! A time reversal spell?! How do you know such magic?!” demanded the white-maned mare.

“Why don’t you come over here so we can talk about it?”

“Enough talk! Have at you!” said the white-maned mare, quickly galloping towards the unwelcome intruder once more, charging up her spell.

A light could be seen glowing from the other unicorn’s horn as she formed a counter-spell. The white-maned mare continued to gallop, undeterred, yelling as she approached closer and closer. Without warning, the white-maned mare could see a giant wall of white, blinding light appear in front of her, causing her to stumble and attempt to slow down in vain. Her eyes widened as she slammed into it with full force, feeling a warm sensation cover her entire body, becoming temporarily blinded as it shrouded her. She skidded on her hooves before toppling over and landing chin-first against the pavement. She winced reflexively - oddly, feeling no pain from her abrupt stop - attempting to bring herself to her hooves, and tried to collect herself. Within seconds she remembered the other mare who had just attacked her, and her eyes grew wide. She looked up, the figure of her assailant standing over her, and fear she had never known in her entire life suddenly and viciously penetrated her mind and heart.

“P-please!” she pleaded, huddling against the pavement, her hooves reflexively extending above her head to stop the impending blow. “Trixie surrenders! Please do not harm her! You are superior to her, Trixie swears it!”

“Oh silly,” the figure replied happily, “I’m not going to hurt you, I promise...”

Trixie slowly opened her eyes, being met with a pair of brilliant violet orbs staring into her soul. The intense shades violet seemed to shift in her vision, easily distracting her from the fear she was feeling and causing her to lower her hooves. The other mare smiled, as did the little black kitten atop her head. Trixie instantly felt the adrenaline and anxiety leave her, and a gentle, uncanny calmness overtake her thoughts. “A-a kitten...?” asked Trixie quietly, staring up at the top of the mare’s head.

“Oh, right,” began the other mare, pointing a hoof to the top of her head. “This is my best friend. We travel together. You said your name was Trixie, right?”

“Y-yes...” replied Trixie, unsure as to why she was not angry or fearful, or why she wasn’t quickly counter-attacking. Those thoughts seemed almost alien to her. They didn’t matter anymore. “I... I am known as Trixie.”

“Now Trixie,” began the violet-eyed mare, in a chiding, but equally sympathetic tone. “Thievery hurts other pony’s feelings! You know how bad it feels to have things taken away from you, don’t you?”

“Y-yes!” replied Trixie enthusiastically as she lurched forward. “Trixie lost everything she’d had in the whole wide world! T-Trixie needed... the book... t-to do that, so she could...” Trixie lowered her gaze. “... so she could get r-revenge on the ponies who allowed it to happen. B-but it wasn’t even their fault... Trixie even h-hurt them, too... T-Trixie just couldn’t stand losing everything...!” Trixie began crying softly. She had no idea why she was being so open to a complete stranger, especially one who had so deftly defeated and disgraced her, but at that particular moment she didn’t pay any attention to it. The pain of losing her priceless possessions, some of them even family heirlooms, was finally being let out, and that was all that mattered to her at that moment.

“Oh, sweetie,” said the other mare with a tinge of sadness. “Revenge will only make you feel even worse, you silly filly.” The other mare sat down, slowly and softly beginning to stroke Trixie’s silver mane as the rain began to pour down around them. The violet-eyed mare quickly cast a spell to protect them from the rain, and continued.

“W-what should Trixie do?” asked Trixie.

“Well... why don’t you go and apologize to them, and try to make things right?” replied the mare, smiling brightly. “And after that, you can rebuild all that you’ve lost, and start fresh, with brand new possibilities. You can rebuild everything you’ve lost, and even make some friends. Doesn’t that sound good?”

Trixie sobbed softly, continuing to look into the other mares eyes. It did sound good to her. It sounded wonderful to her. She had never considered it a possibility up until then, but looking into those eyes, she could see that anything was possible. The feelings of pain began to be replaced, slowly at first, with the feelings of happiness, and she began smiling. “R-right... y-you’re right! T-Trixie will do this... Trixie must do this! Trixie promises to do this!” Trixie wrapped her hooves around the mares neck, hugging her close. “You’ve opened Trixie’s eyes and heart! Thank you so, so much!”

“Oh, it’s alright. I’m just glad I could help you,” replied the mare, standing up, hugging Trixie as well.

“I-Is there anything Trixie can do to repay you? A-Anything at all?” asked Trixie, smiling through her tears as she held the other mare close to her.

“Well~,” began the mare, coyly gazing into Trixie’s eyes, “there is one thing you could do for me...”

“Yes! What is it?!”

“I don’t wanna make you, you know, if you’re not comfortable with that sorta thing...”

“Anything!” insisted Trixie, lurching forward until she was practically nose-to-nose with the other mare. The other mare smiled warmly and raised a hoof, gently pushing Trixie’s disheveled hair behind her ear. Trixie’s eyes went wide and her lips quivered, a deep blush forming on her cheeks, understanding what the other mare meant now just from that single action. Trixie breathed deeply, and closed her eyes, silently consenting. The other mare smiled and leaned in, kissing Trixie gently on the lips and gently caressing her cheek with a hoof. Trixie enjoyed the sensations, her heart fluttering and her cheeks bright red from equal parts embarrassment and happiness as she tasted the other mare on her tongue. The other mare lingered for a moment, before tenderly breaking off. Trixie slowly opened her eyes and gazed into the other mares eyes, and the pair of them smiled. Trixie had never felt so happy in her entire life. She had never thought she’d like mares in that way, but she couldn’t deny that it had felt almost too good.

“Now, you be a good filly and go do what you promised me, okay?” said the mare finally. The little black kitty on her head had a distinctly amused and pleased look on her face.

“O-o-of course...” said Trixie, a her face still bright red. “OF COURSE! TRIXIE WILL DO THAT RIGHT NOW!” Trixie got to her hooves with an intensely wide smile on her face. “Thank you so much! Trixie hopes to meet you again some day! Goodbye!” Trixie immediately ran off into the stormy night, not even bothering to cast a water-repellent spell on herself, and galloped as fast as she could until she was clearly out of sight around the street corner.

“Another satisfied customer!” said the mare triumphantly, smiling as Trixie left her sight.

“Me~ow!” replied the kitten.

“W-what d-did you do to her...?” asked the colt, a mildly horrified expression on his face as he approached slowly and cautiously out from the alley.

“Oh, nothing!” replied the mare, smiling brightly and giggling. “I just reminded her what being happy felt like! You stay out of dark alleys now, okay?”

“O-okay, I’ll just take your word for it. A-and I’ll stay out of trouble!” replied the colt with an intensely nervous grin. The mare just smiled and began trotting off, causing the colt to scramble and cast his own ‘umbrella’ spell as he left the safety of hers. “... o-oh, and what’s your name?!”

The mare turned and giggled, the light of the street lamp above her reflecting off of her bright red mane and onto her shiny white coat in what appeared to be a subtle rainbow pattern as she flipped her hair back. The light hit the eyes of the young colt, causing him to gasp in amazement. “Oh, me? My name’s Alice Dee! And this is Syrin von Kitters, a time traveller!”

“Meow!” said the kitty on top of her head, waving her paw.

Alice stood on her hind legs and folded her forehooves, as Syrin stood on her hind-paws and folded her forelegs proudly atop of Alice’s head. They struck a dramatic pose, the light against their backs forming a perfect silhouette against the black, stormy night. “And together, we save ponies from the dangers of Equestria through peace, love, unity and respect!”

“Meow meow!” continued Syrin.

“Oh, right - and responsibility! Keep forgetting about that one...”

“H-hah...” said the colt, lowering his head. He didn’t understand it. He really didn’t want to, either. “Um... t-thank you...” He just slowly turned away and began walking down the damp street, trying to get away as quickly as possible.

“… say,” began Alice, causing the colt to tense up again and stop in his tracks. “You know any good raves around here?”

R.E.T.C.O.N.

“Wait,” began Alice Dee as she walked down the halls of the decadent Royal Castle. “We have a package to deliver. Like, right now. You know, to Princess Celestia herself?”

“Trust me, Alice! This is extremely important!” exclaimed Syrin von Kitters, her eyes growing wide in anticipation. Syrin began jumping up and down on Alice’s head as she began to whine. “Please please please please pleaaaaase?”

Alice sighed, and began walking forward. “Alright, alright. Just no funny business, okay? I have an appointment with Celestia and I’m not going to screw it up! Not like last time...”

~

“Celestiiiaaaa, come back to Equestriaaaa~...” beckoned Alice, waving her hoof over the sun goddess’s face. Princess Celestia was on her side, looking listlessly out into the open space. There wasn’t a single indication in her eyes that she was actually capable of forming a response, even if she wanted to. Alice sighed. She had really done it now.

“Sister!” said a voice as the doors slammed open. At the entrance to Celestia’s bedroom stood Luna, out of breath and clearly frantic. “The sun is gone! It just disappeared out of the sky! What happened?! And... who are you?”

“... oh, me? Nobody! I’m a nobody!” said Alice, pointing a hoof at herself. “I’ve got nothing that defines me as a person on my body! Only physical appearance and vague consciousness!”

“... what?”

“Uh... yeah! Something like that!” replied Alice, starting to feel The Fear creep up on her. “Celestia is fine! Perfectly fine! I’m attempting to restore her at this very moment!” Alice placed her hooves over Celestia’s chest, making the vague, disorganized motions of what was apparently CPR. After a repetition or two, Alice quickly realized that Celestia wasn’t in fact dead so much as she was experiencing ego death. Alice couldn’t really tell the difference at that point.

“Wait, you killed my sister?!” yelled Luna.

“Yes!” replied Alice immediately, with a huge smile. She immediately rethought her answer. “I mean, maybe? It’s okay though! She’ll exist again in about three hours!” Oh, she had really done it now. The fact that she had just met Luna, a pony she had idolized since she was very young, didn’t quite help either. Alice couldn’t help but think the patterns and waves in her hair were the prettiest things she had ever seen. And those eyes...

“W-why are you narrating in the third person?!” sputtered out Luna, blushing profusely.

“No reason! I just do that sometimes!” replied Alice, her eyes growing wider in simultaneous fear and wonder. “Oh crap, was Alice actually speaking out loud?”

“Stop doing that!” said Luna, quickly trotting over to the scene before her. Luna’s eyes darted side to side as she attempted to make a threat assessment. Luna then stopped in her tracks, looking at the foot of the bed as a puff of smoke blew up into the air. “And just WHAT is that cat doing?”

Alice turned her head, looking down the length of the bed. Syrin had her back up against the baseboard, with a hose running back behind her and off the side of the bed, connected to what appeared to be a hookah. Alice could tell from the smell that it wasn’t tobacco that she was smoking. “Uh, Syrin, I can has a little assistance?” asked Alice, her ability to speak becoming severely impaired under the stress of the situation.

Syrin said nothing for a few seconds, and only looked up at Alice, the barely-functioning Celestia and the flustered Luna blankly. She took another long drag (you know, for a cat) from the hookah, and breathed it out. She suddenly started giggling and coughing loudly, which startled Luna. “Whoooa, you three would be, like, sooooo cute together... bahahaha~”

“A T-TALKING CAT?!” yelled Luna.

~

“What a way to introduce yourself to Luna, Syrin. Geez.”

“You’re one to talk! Did you have to let Celestia eat an entire sheet of acid? I mean really, Alice,” chided Syrin.

“Oh don’t you start! She told me she was cool for it even after I told her the risks. She said she had done drugs HUNDREDS of times!”

“What drugs, exactly? A little wine? A joint or two in her college years?”

“Hey, I’m here to give her a nice, pleasant, controlled experience this time! She ‘gets it’ now!” replied Alice, thoroughly bitter. Alice decided it would be better to change the subject, as memories of thorough, drug-fueled interrogations by the royal guards began to enter her mind. Alice stopped in her tracks finally, and looked up at the odd, rectangular object in front of her. “Okay, we’re here. Now what?”

Syrin was immediately distracted and gazed up at the wonder before her from atop of Alice’s head. It was a large blue box, like something completely otherworldly and alien, and yet, it just sat in the royal hall as if it were as natural as anything else there. “Oh Luna, this is... this is...!”

“Is what?” asked Alice. For some reason, Alice found it intensely difficult to look at, like the shade of blue was messing with her eyes. Syrin lunged off of Alice’s head, digging her claws into the dark blue wood. She scraped down its length, before clawing at it frantically. Alice stepped back, shocked, as she saw her friend seemingly go into a frenzy at the door. “LETMEINLETMEINLETMEINLETMEIN.”

“Uh, Syrin, are you okay...?” asked Alice.

“YOU HAVE TO LET ME IN!” shot back Syrin, turning her head and shooting an intense look back at her friend.

“Alright alright! Calm down already!” Alice sighed and concentrated her magic on the door of the large blue box. It seemed to resist her, and that sickening feeling that she got from looking at it only intensified. She tried harder and harder, and suddenly, it felt like it was pulling her energy in, forcing her to expend even more of her magic. Her horn lit up brighter, and multicoloured sparks and beams shot from it, slamming into the door with tremendous force. Alice opened her eyes to see that the doors had opened. Syrin immediately dashed into it without a second thought. “S-Syrin! Don’t go in there! You don’t know where that is or where it’s been!”

“Oh my goddess, it’s real! It’s actually real!”

“What is? And... wait, what the hell?” Alice stuck her head inside and peered around, noticing an odd quality. First off, that the box itself was bigger on the inside. She stood her ground directly outside the box, cautiously admiring the inside architecture. The orange paneling of the sides and ceiling glowed with an almost bar-like atmosphere, and everything looked completely out of place.

“IT’S A TIME MACHINE,” exclaimed Syrin, as she sat on her back legs at the top of the stairs and spread her paws out wide. Alice had never seen her be happier. It was almost uncharacteristic of her.

“A... time machine.”

“YES!”

“But... you can already time travel. Without a time machine. Like... naturally. Right?” inquired Alice. “So... what’s the big deal?”

“No no no, you don’t understand! I can only travel short distances through the fourth and fifth dimensions, but never the third,” began Syrin, as she quickly walked around the center control panel. She quickly jumped on top of a nearby seat, up to a guard rail, and then directly onto the control panel, careful not to disturb any of the oddly-placed, unlabeled, uncanny instruments. “This can EASILY pass through dimensions one through five without even breaking a sweat! It can do EVERYTHING all at once!”

“And... how do you know all this? Are you sure this isn’t just some messed up illusion by, you know, one of the many ponies and entities who want us seriously hurt and/or dead?” replied Alice. “I mean, sweet Luna, how can any place be bigger on the inside? This crap has gotta be a trap.”

“Oh come on, you summon crazy things all the time. You know stuff like this can exist.”

“Yeah, as thought experiments gone wrong, Syrin. I’m not taking a step in this thing unless you give me one good reason!”

Syrin sat and pondered, bringing her paw to her chin. After a moment or two, Syrin snapped her claws. “… say, Alice, you know that rave we missed two nights ago, because we had to rush to get to Canterlot?”

Alice’s eyes lit up.

~

The party was loud and extremely inviting and the pair of them waltzed in through the entrance. Loud music blared from the center stage, and ponies were dancing and hopping around happily already. The timing was perfect: they were just about to hit Vinyl Scratch’s set! It was a much smaller party than either of them were used to, but sometimes, smaller parties could be fun. It was a different vibe, and Alice loved it all the same.

“Woo hoo!” yelled Alice. She was fully adorned in her bracelets and various brightly coloured necklaces. “This is awesome! I love smaller parties!”

“You love every kind of party, Alice,” giggled Syrin.

“You say that like it’s a bad thing!” Alice trotted happily along the side, scoping out the crowd. She had a few friends who lived in Ponyville. Alice could distinctly see that many of the party-goers here had never been to a rave, given the choice of their outfits. It was a mish-mash of disco revival and wacky, insane outfits that made no sense. Almost reminded her of Home...

“ALICE DEE!” said a loud voice from the side. Alice turned her head, and was met with a pair of striking green eyes from an older mare. “Oh my goodness, it’s you! I knew you’d make it to this party!”

“Cheers!” happily replied Alice. Alice then noticed that Cheerilee was dressed up in her old ‘disco’ outfit. She hadn’t seen her wear that in a very, very long time. “... wait a second... okay, what year is this?”

“Oh, you,” laughed Cheerilee, prodding Alice gently. “You’re so silly sometimes! I really do look like a blast from the past, don’t I? Isn’t it great?!”

“Actually... I’m serious. What year is it?”

“Um... 3492?” replied Cheerilee, a little taken aback by Alice’s seriousness.

“Oh... oh okay! That works then!” replied Alice. Alice immediately hugged Cheerilee and the pair laughed together.

“And how’s the little Syrin-kitten doing? Awww, she’s still so cuuuuuute~,” said Cheerilee as she reached up to pet Syrin. Syrin purred happily and nuzzled the warm hoof.

“So how are you enjoying the party, Cheers?” giggled Alice.

“Loving it! It brings me back to those wonderful happy parties we had together!” said Cheerilee.

“I’m glad! I hear Ponyville doesn’t see a lot of action these days.”

“Oh, are you kidding? There’s always some weird shenanigans going on nowadays. I mean, ever since Princess Celestia’s prized student moved in. I’m surprised that stuff isn’t all over the daily news! Heck, even all the cats around here have been acting very strange, too. I’ve had to chase this small pack of cats out of the school every morning this week, and nopony knows where they came from! Worse yet, they just throw all my books open onto the floor and make a big mess every time. But it’s mostly just small stuff like that, you know?”

“Really? That’s kinda weird,” replied Alice, cocking an eyebrow.

“But hey,” replied Cheerilee, wrapping her hooves around Alice’s neck. Cheerilee’s tone quickly changed to seductive, which caused Alice to blush a little. “I’ll worry about that tomorrow. After Vinyl Scratch’s set, would you like to, say, go out for a stroll? Maybe... drink a little tea, if you get my meaning?”

“Oooh yes, you know I’m always down for that,” replied Alice as she looked seductively into Cheerilee’s eyes. “That’d be the perfect way to cap off the evening...”

“Under the stars...”

“You and me...”

“Let’s do it, then!” finished Cheerilee, smiling gingerly. “I’m going to go meet up with some of my other friends now. We’ll meet right outside the entrance?”

“Sure thing!” replied Alice, as the two began to part ways. Alice grinned coyly. “See you the~en.”

Cheerilee dashed off into the crowd, and Alice could feel Syrin almost immediately begin to tense up on her head. “Uh, Syrin, what’s up?”

“I... have to go check something,” replied Syrin.

“Oh? What about?”

“It’s... complicated. I’ll meet you back here in a little while, okay?”

“Well... alright. Just don’t get lost, alright? You’re the designated driver for that ‘time machine’ out back after all.”

“I’ll be back Alice, don’t worry about me. Go snog some lucky filly while I’m gone, okay?” replied Syrin, jumping off of Alice’s head and wiggling herself under the tent wall. Alice stuck her tongue out in Syrin’s general direction, and turned, before happily running back into the party.

~

Syrin made her way back to the large blue time machine and carefully opened the door with her paw. The music was still playing loudly behind her, but she paid no attention. She ran up to the center console and began hastily twisting and turning various nobs in a knowing fashion. The electronics whined and whispered as the screen distorted and regurgitated mountains of information. Before long, howerver, a picture showed up on the screen, and Syrin’s eyes narrowed.

“So,” she said to herself. “She is here...” Syrin jumped off of the console and walked out of the time machine. She didn’t know what she’d find in the small town of Ponyville, except for her, so she knew she should take her time and make a proper threat assessment. After all, there was every indication that this was going to be a cleverly, albeit quite coincidentally placed trap.

Syrin walked through the moonlight along the side of the road, the blackness of the night providing a protective shroud over her. She wasn’t sure if she’d be ambushed at any moment, given the conditions that had faced her when she had last seen her love. She wasn’t sure of anything, other than the intense fear that begin to build up piece by piece as she approached the location that the time machine had pin-pointed to her.

“Opalescence!” yelled Syrin from outside the round-shaped house. Minutes passed, and after Syrin made repeated sweeps of the perimeter, she sighed. She began to turn around and head back to the party, thinking the time machine must have been wrong.

“Looking for someone?”

Syrin quickly turned around, and quickly found the kitty she was looking for. “O-Opalescence! I found you! Oh thank Luna!” Syrin ran forward and nuzzled Opalescence in an feline embrace. “It took so much effort to find you! I had to steal a time machine to figure out where you were!”

“A time machine... you don’t mean...?”

“Yes! The T.A.R.--” Opalescence brought a paw to Syrin’s mouth, cutting her off. She looked around, twitching her ears wildly in an attempt to hear if anybody was nearby.

“It’s not safe to talk about such things here,” said Opalescence quietly. “Let’s go inside.” Opalescence quickly led Syrin to an open window within jumping distance. Once inside, Syrin found herself in what appeared to be a high-class tailored clothing shop.

“What’s going on, Opalescence?” asked Syrin. “Why all the secrecy? And how did you end up in this world?”

“I... came looking for you, Syrin,” she replied, moving closer to Syrin and nuzzling her gently. “There was talk of an attempt to extract you from this world. When that started coming up more and more, I decided to come here myself and warn you. But unfortunately, by the time I could detect one of your time signatures, you were already gone. Just what have you been doing here? You’ve been going from city to city every three days, completely erratically, and I keep finding your faint time signatures right in the middle of nightclubs.”

“Oh, uh... I’m currently following somebody around. One of the ponies. We... kind just go around, to parties, and, you know, have fun.”

“Debauchery.”

“Yeah... mostly.”

Opalescence sighed. “Wonderful. So you’ve escaped to a life of mindless hedonism. Now I wonder why I’ve bothered at all.”

“Don’t be like that, love... please? I needed to escape. You know what that place was doing to me,” pleaded Syrin.

“Yeah, I do. Now I can’t tell which is worse.”

“Hey, I’m smiling, right? That’s important!” retorted Syrin.

“Wait. Shh,” said Opalescence suddenly. There was a rustle and a subtle growl from outside the window they had come in through, and the pair of them tensed up. “They’re coming.”

“Wait... they're here?! Why didn’t you tell me?!”

~

It was finally nearing the end of Vinyl Scratches set, and Alice giggled with glee. She could tell tonight was going to be a good night, especially from the vibe of the crowd. She had, of course, heard Vinyl Scratch play dozens of times, and slipped out very candidly to the time machine to collect her, ahem, ‘medicine.’ She poked her head in, and put her saddle-bags back on, now perfectly set for a nice, calm night of tripp--

“Ahem,” said the tall, dark blue alicorn that now stood directly in front of Alice as she turned away from the time machine.

“O-oh Luna!”

“Yes, it’s me, Miss Dee,” replied Luna, eyeballing her cautiously, but not necessarily angrily. “I could tell something felt a little off. Not you specifically, of course, but wherever there’s trouble, there’s bound to be you and your little ‘kitten’ friend.” Luna pointed at the T.A.R.D.I.S as it sat extremely conspicuously next to the side of the tent. “The Doctor isn’t going to be terribly happy when he realizes his ‘baby’ is gone.”

“O-oh, w-well, it’s alright! We borrowed it tomorrow!”

“Did you now?”

“Yeah! We’ll return it in like, half a second from then or something! Hi!”

“Hi,” replied a dazed and confused Twilight Sparkle, standing beside Luna.

“Will you really?” continued Luna, not skipping a beat.

“Of course! We’re not thieves!”

“Right. Just how you’re completely responsible individuals who would never give my sister too much... oh, whatever it’s called. Sulfuric acid?”

“Lysergic acid diethylamide!” corrected Alice, sighing.

“Well, whatever it is, she hasn’t been the same since!”

“Yeah, I’d expect not. Sheesh.”

“Well, in light of that, Miss Dee, I want to give you a proposition.”

“Eh?” replied Alice, her heart still pounding from being snuck up on by Luna herself. Oh goddess, she was even more beautiful while underneath the night sky, and Alice found herself admiring Luna’s intricate eyes and mane. Luna just blushed harder, becoming even more thoroughly embarrassed at Alice’s gaze. Twilight just blinked, even more confused at what was happening.

“Ugh, you’re incorrigible! My sister told me to consult with you about your services, and I’m interested, alright?!”

Alice’s ears perked up. “Wait, really? Like... the whole thing I do? The whole package?”

“Yes. I find your methods intriguing. So, will you?”

“I’d love to!” replied Alice. “I, uh, really gotta run though, okay? Important stuff! See you at the castle in a couple of days!” Alice dashed off to the side, hastily closing and locking the time machine with her magic. Alice disappeared around the bend of the tent, leaving the pair of mares standing in front of the time machine, dumbstruck.

“Um... who was that, Luna? And what are you planning on doing with her? Some kind of advanced science project?” asked Twilight, completely lost.

“I’ll tell you when you’re older,” replied Luna.

“Older?! But I’m just as old as she was!”

~

Syrin and Opalescence fled from the Carousel Boutique, passing through the center of town as they tried to make a break for it back to the party. A random cat popped out from the bushes, causing them to divert their path. Another popped out, and another, and another. Before long, they found themselves completely surrounded by a pack of multicoloured cats, blocking off all of their exits. It was a set-up.

“Syrin von Kitters, we meet again,” said a dark voice. One of the pack moved forward, placing himself directly in front of the pair of heroines. He was a large and scruffy tabby cat. “Long time no see.”

“Sandy!” replied Alice, as she stepped forward. “The war is over! We lost! Stop coming after me!”

“... lost?” replied Sandy, genuinely confused. “Since when? We won the war, idiot.”

“Wait... you did?”

“Yeah, I mean, it was kind of difficult and all, but it turns out the aliens freaking love cat food. We ended up just giving them a ton and they all left at once, like they had gotten what they came for. Who knew, eh? Our freaking food!” exclaimed Sandy, happily. He quickly recomposed himself, embarassed at his outburst. “But regardless of that, Syrin, you must come with us!”

“No!”

“You must take responsibility for your actions, Syrin von Kitters!”

“Syrin was set up, Sandy. You know it’s true!” snapped Opalescence, stepping in front of Syrin. “Do the right thing and let her go!”

“I’m not here to fight either of you, Opal,” replied Sandy. “But if I have to, so be it! You leave me with no choice! Everyone, att-- wha?!”

Sandy randomly became airborne as a small, lavender unicorn filly quietly trotted out to the pack of cats. Her horn was lit up, and she seemed to be concentrating what little energy she had on keeping Sandy afloat. “Now now, Mister Mittens, you mustn’t struggle, we have to go back inside! It’s cold out! I’m sure your other kitty friends will understand,” said the little lavender unicorn.

Sandy writhed and protested, growling. “Put me down, you dumb equine!”

“Nuh-uh! Mommy told me never to listen to the kitty-voices again! It’s a sign that I might have the Aspergers - whatever that means - and she can’t afford a therapist for that, so I ain’t doing it! So you’re coming in with me, Mister Mittens!” exclaimed the pony as the pair quickly cantered over to the post office building. Sandy quickly disappeared from sight, and the only thing Syrin, Opalescence and the other cats could hear was the tormented meowing of Sandy as the door closed shut, silencing his cries. None of the kitties knew what to say, and sat there, dumbstruck, with mouths agape. Except Syrin, that is.

“RUN!” yelled Syrin, quickly dashing off beside Opalescence towards the loud thumping music on the hillside. The pair of them ran for dear life as the pride of cats behind them gave chase.

~

“Oh Cheers, you haven’t changed a bit,” Alice whispered softly into Cheerilee’s ear. Cheerilee gasped softly and giggled, wrapping her hooves tighter around Alice’s body. The pair of them kissed gently and tenderly, as Alice gently stroked Cheerilee’s cheek with her hoof in return. Everything felt warm and light, like a giant weight had been lifted off of her entire body. Her joints felt loose, her skin felt warm and sensitive. Even just touching Cheerilee with her own hooves felt exquisite. “I’ve missed this so much.”

“As have I. I’ve been dying for the touch of another mare for months. I’m so glad you decided to show up,” replied Cheerilee, whispering. Cheerilee nippled at Alice’s ear softly, and squeezed her gently, rubbing the length of her body against the other mare.

“Nothing quite like cuddling on shrooms, huh?” giggled Alice, as intricate patterns danced themselves around her eyes.

“You know, dear, you’re the only pony I’ve ever been able to get this close to,” replied Cheerilee, smiling as she rested her head on top of Alice’s. She ran her hooves up and down Alice’s spine, succumbing to the same sensations of weightlessness.

“I’m glad I can do that, although I wish there was somepony more... reliable than me that could do this for you too.”

Cheerilee giggled. “Yeah, you do tend to forget that second ‘R’ a lot.”

Alice just laughed. “He~y, I’m perfectly responsible!”

“But seriously, Alice,” began Cheerilee, moving back a little and facing Alice head-on. Cheerilee looked into her eyes and smiled as she stroked Alice’s cheek softly. “Please visit more often? I love you, you silly filly. I miss you, too. You have to understand how tormenting that combination can be.”

“I know,” replied Alice. “I love you and miss you, too.” Alice leaned in and kissed Cheerilee gently, which caused them both to smile a little brighter. “I promise I’ll try to--”

“ALLIIIIIICCCEEEEEE!!!” yelled a voice from down the street. It was Syrin, running as quickly as her small little paws would carry her. Alice and Cheerilee quickly raised themselves up, whipping their heads around to see what appeared to be a small pack of cats chasing down Syrin and some other kitty. “HEEEELLLPPPP!”

The entire event seemed so surreal to Alice. Perhaps it was because at that moment, she was starting to peak. Crazy things always tended to happen when she was in that zone, and as the darkness of the night seemed to close in around her, warmly caressing the pair of mares, Alice Dee sat on her hind legs and stretched out her arms. Her horn lit up lighter and lighter, and she could feel and see the intense colours in her eyes begin to shift even more dramatically, as they tended to when she used her magic while high. Syrin and Opalescence dashed in behind Alice, as the other kitties bounced off of what seemed to be a rubber-like barrier, sending them stumbling backwards. The sensations overtook her mind as her magical power increased. At that moment, another kitten spontaneously appeared in front of them with a soft breeze of air. It was Sandy.

“Syrin, have you really fallen so far that you need to hide behind these colourful ponies? Is this what you’ve become?” said Sandy, walking carefully up to the invisible wall and poking it with a claw.

“Don’t try to mess with her, Sandy! She can rip you apart!” warned Syrin as she hid behind the cream-coloured unicorn.

“I doubt it.” Sandy snickered, and pressed his paw against the barrier. He immediately noticed how odd it felt against his fur, unlike anything else he had ever felt. Suddenly, it began to suck him in, and before he could get his paw out, his entire body became stuck in it. “W-What is this?!”

“THIS IS THE ALICE DEE EXPRESS WAY! ALL ABOOOOOARD!” yelled Alice as her pupils went as wide as dinner plates and multicoloured fractal patterns began to adorn the barrier, which had morphed itself into a box surrounding the entirety of the pack of cats all at once. They began mewling in protest, trying to fight against it as they raised further and further off of the ground. “PLEASE KEEP YOUR ARMS INSIDE THE GELATINOUS PRISON-CUBE AT ALL TIMES! NOTE THAT A PRECISE DESTINATION IS REQUIRED FOR A COMFORTABLE, STABLE AND NON-DEATH-INDUCING OUTERDIMENSIONAL TRANSITION!”

“Put me down this instant!” yelled Sandy, clawing at the sides of the barrier frantically.

“Listen, chump, you either get put into a logic loop and cease to exist, or I send you through this portal thing back to the cyber kitty-cat base that could potentially be on the other side of that portal if you made up your damned mind,” retorted Alice. “Make a choice and make it snappy. I charge thirteen bits an hour!”

“Wait, what portal thing?” asked Sandy, looking up above the cage.

“The big thing emitting x-rays above you! Geez, open your third eye already!”

“Oh no,” said Sandy, looking up above him. “Oh no no no! Don’t send us back!”

“Temporal back or eternal black, dude!”

Sandy never handled threats very well. He tensed up and whined, his fur sticking up on end, as he caved almost immediately. “FINE, OKAY, WE’LL GO BACK!”

“SURE THING, BOSS!” bellowed Alice as she made a swift, upwards motion with her hoof, psychically hurling the crate of screaming cats into the invisible portal, as a stream of multicoloured lights and sparks rained down from it upon the group of them below. In an instant, the portal closed up, and the kitties disappeared. Alice just sighed happily, and flopped down to the side, exhausted and satisfied.

“Oh... oh my goddess, Alice,” said Syrin, slowly peeking out from behind the mare. “You... you sent them back. How...?”

“No ideas so far! Hell, I’m sure it’s far too advanced for me to understand anyways!” said Alice as she giggled and writhed against the floor, curling up against Cheerilee once more. Cheerilee, on the other hand, was still upright, her mouth agape. “Now the evil interdimensional cyber kittens will never be able to invade Equestria ever again!”

“They... weren’t evil, you know.”

“But they were like, mean and stuff!”

“Yeah, Alice,” said Syrin, sighing. “They were coming to carry out a court martial.”

“Wait, what?” said Cheerilee and Alice at the same time.

Opalescence sighed. “You see, dear ponies... Syrin von Kitters was one of the highest Generals in the Feline Time Army. Unfortunately, she went AWOL, and...”

“HOLY CRAP,” exclaimed Cheerilee, gasping in amazement as she pointed her hoof directly at Syrin and Opalescence. “TALKING CATS!! SYRIN CAN TALK?!”

~

“What exactly did you do, anyways?” asked Syrin, once the pair of them had gotten back to the time machine. “And how did you know what was happening? I mean... you just got up and sent them right back to their proper dimension without even asking.”

“Oh, well, I kept the, uh, tea equipment in the time machine, because I didn’t, uh, want to bouncers finding it and kicking ,” replied Alice, sheepishly, as she took another long drag from the ‘de-compress joint.’ “So I came back in here - *cough* - and saw that thing you’d left on the screen, you know, about your people and all that.”

“Oh,” replied Syrin, lowering her head.

“So when they all came running up the hill, participating in what was clearly your own, personal lynch party, I just kinda assumed things had gone south and, well, I sent them back.”

“W-well... I guess you know what I am now, right?” replied Syrin, taking the joint from Alice.

“Obviously, yeah. You really think that bugs me? You do know weird I am, right?”

“Yeah... yeah,” replied Syrin, smiling happily and reminicing. “I suppose you’re right. Thank you.”

“And hey, what about that other girl kitty, eh? Something you’re not telling me?” teased Alice, giggling.

“Actually, yes,” began Syrin, taking a small drag. She breathed it out slowly and methodically, and replied, “she’s my ex.”

“Your... ex?”

“Yes. Ex-partner.”

“Whoa. Like... for real?”

“Yes. Legally, too.”

“Whoa. Heavy. I’m sorry.”

“Eh, it’s alright,” replied Syrin, handing the joint back. “We drove each other nuts anyways. We’re best friends now, so it’s cool.” She quickly jumped back onto the console, jumping from switch to lever, as the machine finally rocked into action. It whirred and stirred and steadily moved forward in space and time. The machine came to an abrupt stop, and Syrin sighed. “Alright! We’re back at the minute and place we left.” Syrin jumped back onto Alice’s head quickly, and the pair of them stepped out of the small (large) blue box, closing the door carefully behind them. They turned around, only to have their gaze met with a pair of large, brown, furious eyes.

“Just WHERE DID YOU TAKE MY T.A.R.D.I.S?!” yelled the colt before them. “And why does it smell like you two just filled my T.A.R.D.I.S with pot smoke, oh my god you hotboxed my T.A.R.D.I.S. Bloody brilliant.”

“Hey! I borrowed it, and I brought it back in one piece, alright?!” yelled Syrin. “So we freshened the place up a bit, big deal! And I’m a fourth-dimensional cat. It’s--”

“Oh my goodness,” interjected the colt, his eyes lighting up. “It’s a talking cat--”

“SHUT UP!” yelled Syrin, thoroughly and finally sick of that one-liner. “I’m a fourth-dimensional cat and it’s a time machine in a box! Kitties like boxes, and it’s time machine! What do you think would happen?! Oh, and by the way, do you know why you were getting such horrible gas mileage? The parking brake has been stuck on for Luna knows how long! I had to turn it off to have enough fuel to get back! Damn thing broke on me, too!”

“You... broke it.”

“Yes, and you should be thankful I didn’t get hurt on this death-trap! The feedback nearly tore my paw off!”

“You... BROKE THE PARKING BRAKE?!” yelled the colt, stamping his hooves down. “Why would you do that?!”

“Wait, you’re angry I fixed - well, I guess it’s not so much “fix” than it is “differently able” - your broken-down heap of a time machine?” retorted Syrin, standing on her hindlegs and folding her forelegs.

“Broken-down heap?! She’s a priceless work of art! And now she won’t make the WOOSH WOOSH sound every time I go somewhere with her!” exclaimed the colt again. “How are people supposed to know I’m coming if she doesn’t go WOOSH WOOSH?!”

“Well I don’t know! Geez, can’t you command more presence in a room than to torture your poor time machine every time you fade in?”

“Don’t tell me how to live!”

“QUIET, BOTH OF YOU!” snapped Alice. “Okay, Doctor Whooves? We’re sorry for fixing, breaking, whatever your super-duper timey-wimey machiney-thingy.” Alice pointed her hoof down the hall. “I’ve gotta go make the dear Princess trip her ass off, and I’ve got two minutes to get there. So, if you’ll excuse us!”

Doctor Whooves stood there, dumbstruck next to his now-“fixed” T.A.R.D.I.S., as Alice and Syrin dashed off down the hall. He looked on in amazement, only to see the little black kitten turned around and sticking her tongue out at him. How in the heck did she know his name? He leaned against the blue box and sighed. “Just who were those dashing young women?”

~

~Alice & Syrin’s Public Service Announcement~

“Hello there colts and fillies, this is Alice Dee, with my trusty sidekick Syrin von Kitters!”

“Meow! … wait, sidekick--?”

“We might run around, go to raves, do lots of drugs and fight crime, but it’s not all fun and games.”

“Y-yeah, you and your friends can still get very hurt if you’re not careful.”

“We’re professional psychonauts with years of experience. We know how to handle a bad trip and what to do if things get too intense!”

“Always respect the substance you’re about to take, and never do too much for your first time. More is not better, meow!”

“And most of all, be around the ones you trust so they can help you out! A good, experienced friend can turn a bad trip into a good one in seconds! Well, until next time...”

“Party safe...”

“And don’t be an idiot!”