Endings
By: Connor the Brony
I just want to start off by saying I’m sorry. I’m sorry for all the things that I’ve done. I know that you’re going to argue that it wasn’t really my fault, that it was the booze talking and doing all those things. But I have to face the truth, I was still the pony who did all those things. I know they weren’t all bad, I hope that I’ve done at least one good thing in this life. Although I highly doubt it.
You’re probably gonna ask why. So I'll give you some explanation; you know how much I love to talk, so you’re in for a ride. I hate endings. But my life has been full of endings. One after another, constantly, nonstop. Ironically, an ending at the beginning of my life is what started all this shit in the first place. So, why don’t we start from the beginning?
My parents planned for our family to be normal. No drunkenness, no death, no abandonment. They had everything planned out. They would have a single foal when they were ready, if they had the means and the desire, they would have more. They didn’t plan on having twins, but they had good enough jobs and they were overjoyed to know that they would have two daughters instead of one. Nothing went wrong until the end. Cheerilee and I were just fine, but our mom couldn’t take the stress. She died; we never knew her. Our dad, understandably, couldn’t function normally after the death of his wife. He took to drinking, which he passed down to us two accidentally.
Now don’t you go blaming him for my or Cheeri’s problems. He did his best. He kept his job, paid the rent, got us food, kept us relatively safe. He never interacted with us much on any emotional level. Sometimes I think he only thought of us as the things that took the love of his life away. I guess he passed down that trait too, to me at least.
Cheeri and I grew up together. We made a good team. The older colts would pick on one of us at school; the other wouldn’t be too far away to come buck him from behind. One of us would distract the clerk while the other stole a six-pack. We always had each other's back.
We got our cutie marks without much fanfare. I got mine for enjoying wine and berries. We never could figure out what Cheeri’s meant. The best one she’s come up with goes along the lines of “the smiling flowers mean that she hopes to make her students bloom” or some other shit like that. It’s priceless.
Let’s see. At that age we were still living at home. But we should have known better than to think that would last. Our dad lost his job, Cheeri and I lost everything but each other. Dad took everything he could fit in a wagon and left us to fend for ourselves. We don’t know where he went, maybe Las Neighgus... he always talked fondly of that place.
Anyway, Cheeri and I were alone in the world with nothing but each other. However, the residents of Ponyville are pretty nice, so we stayed with some friends. We did some odd jobs to get enough money to survive. Eventually we found steadier forms of employment, Cheeri as a teacher’s aide and I as a bartender. (Who woulda guessed?)
We swore once we had enough money we would leave this town forever; it had too many memories. But we just kinda forgot about that. The weeks of counting our bits turned into months. Eventually we gave up on leaving and just bought a nice cottage. We lived like that for a few years working our way up. Cheeri eventually became the head teacher at the school. I was the best bartender at my club. Everything was perfect. We enough money to live comfortably, we had steady jobs, and we had each other. But of course, that had to end too.
My whole reality would soon come crashing down because of one little fag named Pokey Pierce. He seemed like a normal colt, you might even call him a pansy. He worked for Rarity finding gems and helping out around her shop. He started to come regularly to the bar, always sitting at my end hoping to chat me up.
One night after my shift ended I decided to stick around to talk with him. He seemed nice, bought me a few drinks. Probably a few too many. After that he walked me home and just made sure I was alright. What kind of colt does that!? You have a drunken mare at your disposal and you just waste it? But anyway, that made me start trusting him. That was the biggest mistake I ever made.
After that we started dating. Eventually he moved in with Cheeri and I. That was another period of normalcy that I should have enjoyed more. You could say we fell in ‘love.’ I don’t, it makes me sick just thinking of how I ever could have liked him. Either way, we did what ponies in love normally did. One time he forgot protection and I got pregnant, simple as that. It’s so strange how one little event can completely change somepony’s life...
We didn’t know I was pregnant yet, but when we found out, it showed that Pokey was a coward. One night I was feeling really sick. I couldn’t eat at all, kept throwing up, had horrible stomach aches. Pokey and I went to the hospital to see if there was anything they could do. The doctors said that I might have some intestinal problems or something like that. I was really scared; he was there for me then. Eventually, after they ran all the blood tests, they found out I was pregnant. Pokey just kinda stood there dumbfounded as the doctor told us the news. After awhile he walked out of my room without another word and never came back. At the time I didn’t know what had happened to him.
I wanted to follow him, but the doctors made me stay longer to make sure I was okay. The next day I was released to go home. I wandered alone in the streets wondering where Pokey had gone to; it didn’t help that Cheerilee was out of town. Eventually I got home and started calling him name to see if he was there. Then I got to the bedroom we’d been sharing and saw that all his drawers were empty. He didn’t leave anything except the picture of himself that was on my bathroom mirror; I promptly bucked that into oblivion. I had all these emotions racing around my head, the only way I knew how to deal with them was to drink, so I did. I completely emptied the liquor cabinet. Cheerilee found me passed out on the couch days later. Then she brought me to the hospital, for the second time that week. The doctor said I was lucky not to have lost my foal; I just laughed.
Over the following months I came to terms with what happened and how my life would never be the same. I drank a lot during that time. I’m thankful it didn’t hurt my foal. I wished Pokey would come back and I tricked myself into thinking that he was just so shocked with the news that he needed some time to think. After a few weeks of his absence, I stopped fooling myself and moved on. Things progressed; Cheeri and I turned the spare bedroom into the foal’s room and made other preparations for my baby's arrival. A few months later, Ruby was born. Even though I originally never wanted her, and even hated her for taking away my old life, I swore to be as good a parent as possible.
The next few years were fairly average except for the bouts of crushing depression I would get every few months. I became a recluse. I’d lock myself away, sometimes for days on end, just drinking and cursing the end of my old life. No one could console me, not even Cheerilee. There was almost no happiness or light in my life, but there was only one thing keeping me from committing suicide: my little Ruby. I came to love her as I should have in the first place. I watched her grow and become strong, stronger than I could ever be. It’s a shame I’ll never get to see her cutie mark.
My life had started to regain some faint aspects of normalcy. Ruby was at school so I could work. I went back to the club, the only place I had ever been completely welcomed. There, I met somepony who actually cared about me, Colgate. She was just sitting there at the end of the bar and she looked up at me with those beautiful blue eyes. I didn’t want to fall in love because I didn’t want to get hurt again, but this time was different, I knew that she could never hurt anypony. After I was off the clock, we talked for hours, mostly about her. She was a dentist and had just moved to Ponyville the week earlier. She said she’d really like to see me again. Things took their natural course; we dated and fell even more deeply in love. I had never met anypony as interesting as her. Eventually we moved in with each other, into her house this time. You could say this was the best time of my life, but of course, it had to end.
There has been only one good thing I’ve done in my life, only one. Raising my little filly, Ruby, and now that’s gone along with everything else. Gone in the blink of an eye. Isn’t it a bitch how that always seems to happen? All I wanted was to keep her safe, and by Celestia I tried! She was a perfect filly. She didn't drink (I did at that age), had plenty of friends, had a mother who loved her, but now I’ve gone and ruined that for her. I’ve done so many wrong things, I don’t deserve life anymore. She’s gone because of me, because I couldn’t control myself. I couldn’t control my alcoholism or love of partying. I’m so fucking selfish. They even told me (‘they’ being Foal Protective Services) that if this happened again they’d take her away. They said it wouldn’t be like last time, them just taking her for a week as punishment to make me clean up my act, this time they said she’d be gone forever.
I shouldn’t have had that party. It was completely pointless, I didn’t like many of the ponies that came, I was just feeling lonely. I forgot to write this didn’t I? Colgate’s gone. I don’t know where she went, but she’s not in town. It’s a shame, I could really use her help right now, to talk me down from what I’m about to do. But anyway, about the party. Unnecessary, loud, and wild. So loud and wild, in fact, that some of the neighbors called the cops. The cops knew whose house this was, they knew about Ruby. They were just waiting for a chance to take her from me, and they got it. They barged right in in the middle of the party and told us to stop. Then they saw Ruby, they walked up to her and told her quite nicely, “Little filly, you’re going to have to come with us. It’s not safe here.” She knew something bad was going on and ran over to hide behind me. Then the cops came over to me and said. “Ma’am, we are going to need to take your daughter now.” I could see the look of malice in their eyes. They shoved me aside and grabbed her. You know I wouldn’t stand for that; I punched and bucked at them, but they were too strong. Three stallions are too much, even for me. They left, I could hear the sirens getting fainter in the distance. I knew I had just lost her forever. I ordered the guests out and locked the door. Then I cried, I cried for hours on end. I’ve lost my only purpose in life; what point is there in continuing to live?
There’s nothing more to do really than say goodbye. It’s weird, there’s not even anypony to say goodbye to. I don’t even really know why I’m writing this, maybe to teach Foal Protective Services to think before they ruin someone’s life. I don’t know, I really don't care either. I’m done with this living crap.
I hope that whoever finds this will relay my last messages to my family, if they still give a fuck about me. Here it goes; forgive me if it gets sappy.
Colgate, you've always been my best drinking buddy. Please don’t take that to mean that’s all I thought of you as. You are my best friend and have filled my life with happiness. You’ve always been there for me, except now when I need you most. If there was ever somepony that could help me, it would be you. Sadly, you aren’t here. I can’t stop thinking about all the wrong I’ve done. I can’t stop telling myself that I’m a worthless piece of shit. Now I’ve gone and lost everything. I know we might have had big plans for the future, getting married and such. All I know now is that you’ll be off with somepony who isn’t as fucked up as me. I’m sorry for everything I’m putting you through. Just know that I loved you.
Ruby, my darling little filly. I’m so sorry I lost you. Quill and paper cannot express the crushing sadness and sorrow that I am feeling. You won’t understand why recent events have happened or why I am going to do what I’m going to do until you are much older. All I can say is I’m sorry I didn’t take better care of you. Wherever you end up, it will probably be better than what I could give you. I could only hope that someone like Colgate could have you and raise you to be the best you can be. I’m sad I’ll never get to see it. I love you.
Goodbye.
Love,
Berry Punch
