Today We Cancel the Apocalypse
My Little Kaiju: Friendship is Glowy
The Breach - A portal between dimensions. Through this portal the Precursors sent their army of giant monsters - called Kaiju - to destroy new worlds for them to colonize. Now, they had set their sights on a world called "Earth." But, the Precursor's technology is not perfect. And inter-dimensional travel has always been an iffy thing to pull off.....
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Slattern stepped out of the Breach, sniffing the air. Odd. Weren't they supposed to be underwater? He looked around, to see a forest of trees. Huge trees. They were his size, some even bigger. This wasn't the world he had been told to ravage. What kind of sick, twisted dimension had he entered?
Following right behind him was Scunner, followed by Raiju. They appeared equally as confused. After them came Otachi, Leatherback, and Knifehead. And finally, Onibaba came bumbling in, falling flat on his crab-like face as he came out of the Breach. That's when Slattern noticed something else - the hive mind that connected them was gone. This place truly was something special, if it could have an effect of that magnitude.
Leave it to Onibaba to state the mind-numbingly obvious. "Uh, guys? Why can't I hear you inside my head anymore?" he asked.
Slattern looked down at him. "Something with this place is disrupting the hive mind. It's preventing us from communicating telepathically. Looks like we'll be talking the whole time we're here, gents," he said, before notcing Otachi, who glared at him. "And lady," he added.
"Excellent observation, sir! Never would have noticed it myself!" Scunner said.
Raiju rolled his eyes. "Kiss-ass," he muttered.
Knifehead huffed. "If you ask me, this is an improvement. I'm tired of hearing those two go goo-goo ga-ga, lovey-dovey for each other," he said, gesturing at Leatherback and Otachi. They both growled.
"Hey bud, if you have a problem, why don't you say it to my face?" Leatherback shouted.
Knifehead simply walked right up to him. "Oh really?"
"Both of you! Enough!" Slattern ordered. "We have a mission and we're going to do it right. Now, we're going to get moving and destroy the first sign of civilization we find. Any questions?"
Scunner raised his two right arms.
"Scunner?"
"Do you think there will be anything to stop us, oh wise and mighty Slattern?"
Slattern laughed. "Ha! We are kaiju! What could possibly stand in our way?"
* * * * * * * * * * * *
The kaiju had found something standing in their way. They had found a building, only there was a problem. This was definitely much bigger than they were. What kind of universe was this? Slattern examined it, before making a decision.
"Leatherback, take it down," he ordered.
"With pleasure, Leatherback said, before charging up to the building and roaring. He slammed his body into what he assumed was its weakest area. He then began to pound on it with all of his might.
Then the door he was pounding on opened.
"Hello?" A timid voice said.
When Leatherback saw the creature that stood before him, his mind broke. He screamed like a little girl, before somehow jumping all the way back behing Otachi. Otachi simply rolled her eyes.
Fluttershy shyly steeped out of her doorway in a shy manner that would put even the shyest of shy creatures to shame, and saw the kaiju that were gathered outside of her house. She shrieked, before rushing back inside and slamming the door shut.
"Uh...Slattern? What was that....that....thing?" Onibaba asked.
"I don't know, but whatever it was, there was only one of them. There's no way it can stop us!"
"But...But...I'm scared..."Leatherback whimpered, with Otachi patting him on the back.
"Boss, that thing was pretty freaky. What if there are more?" Raiju said.
"Nah, that makes no sense. There's probably only that one," Knifehead replied.
As usual, fate decided to prove them wrong. "Fluttershy?" a voice called out. Suddenly, gasps shot through the air. A female voice screamed.
The kaiju turned to see five creatures similar to the ones they just encountered. They all screamed, too. Except Onibaba, who fainted. The ponies screamed again. Except Pinkie Pie, who just giggled.
"What are they?" Rainbow asked.
"I dunno," Twilight said. "They don't seem to be causing trouble, though,"
"Well, you look stupid right now," Raiju said to Knifehead.
Knifehead growled. "Shut up," he said.
The ponies gasped. "THEY CAN TALK?" the all asked.
"Yeah we can talk. What did you expect?" Otachi said.
"Uhh...growls and roars and stuff, I would think," Rainbow Dash said.
"Well, that's not offensive in the slightest," Knifehead said.
"Enough talk, all of you!" Slattern shouted. "Destroy them!"
Raiju, Knifehead, Leatherback, and Otachi all stared at Slattern with fear in their eyes. "Do we have to?"
Slattern rolled his eyes. "Yes, you have to,"
"Uh, sir, I dare not question you're orders, but are you sure we can't just, I don't know, run away?" Scunner asked.
Slattern glared. "Attack. Now,"
The kaiju grumbled, while the ponies still looked confused.
Otachi sighed. "Who want's to go first? Not it!"
"Not it!" Knifehead, Raiju, and Leatherback all said.
Scunner sighed. "Dammit," he said.
The four-armed kaiju lumbered up to the ponies. Which one to attack? He picked one at random. Which just so happened to be Applejack.
"Well, howdy, Partner! Can I help you?" Scunner roared, before charging at her. Applejack extended a hoof to greet him, unintentionally punching him in the face. Scunner flipped over her, landing flat on his back behind her.
"Whoops, sorry 'bout that. Didn't mean ya no harm," Applejack said genuinely.
Scunner groaned. Slattern huffed. "Next," he ordered.
Raiju looked at the others, who all stepped away. "Dammit, guys. I really hate you,"
He lumbered up. Applejacks seemed powerful. Perhaps he should fight one of the weaker ones. He noticed Rarity. She seemed powerless enough. Raiju walked right up to her and roared, revealing his double-mouth. Or mouth-within-a-mouth. Or whatever you want to call it. Rarity waved a hoof in front of her nose, coughing. "Really, darling, you must learn to brush your teeth. I have just the thing for that breath of yours!" she said.
Then, Rarity grabbed Raiju with her magic. Raiju had no idea how to react, and struggled as he was levitated through the air. "Guys! Help!" he shouted in utter fear.
"I'll take you back to the boutique, you're getting a make-over!"
"NNNOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!" Raiju's scream echoed as he was taken away.
"Ah, enough of this!" Knifehead shouted in anger. "I'll finish them myself!"
He charged straight at them, aiming for the center of the group - which happened to be Twilight Sparkle.
As he charged at her, she two grabbed him with her magic, but instead of taking him away, she held him in place.
"Hey, let go!" he raged, struggling against the magic.
"Wow, I've never even heard of anything remotely like you! Tell me, what exactly are you?"
"I'm a kaiju, now let me go already!"
"A kaiju? Where did you come from? Why do you look like that? Why are you all so different? Are you all kaiju? How is that you can talk? Is there a reason you came here?"
Knifehead continued to rage in a useless manner inside the magic bubble, as Twilight rattled on with questions.
Otachi and Leatherback were left. Leatherback looked at his mate in a scared manner. "Ladies first?" he feebly asked. Otachi glared at him. "You're getting the couch for this," she said, before advancing towards the ponies.
Leatherback did a little fist pump. "Totally worth it!" he said.
As Otachi neared the ponies, she flared her wings open, roaring. Rainbow Dash took notice.
"You can fly? Ha! bet you can't fly as fast as me!" She said, flying straight at Otachi.
Otachi was taken off guard, and fell on her back as Rainbow hovered in front of her. "You'll have to do better than that! Betcha can't catch me!" she taunted, before flying away. Otachi growled and roared again, before flying after Rainbow Dash.
That left Leatherback. He sighed, before lumbering up to the ponies. That's when Fluttershy came out of her cottage again. "Guys? What's going on?" she said with an adorably soft voice.
The levels of cuteness were off the charts. Leatherback had a snowball's chance in hell.
He made a loud "HHHHNNNNNNNNNNNG!!" sound, before grabbing his chest and falling over, saying "HERK, BLAGH, HEART ATTACK,"
Slattern was the last kaiju standing. He sighed. Only one pony was no longer preoccupied. That was Pinkie Pie. He lumbered forward. That's when something he didn't expect occurred. "So, how'd your passage through the breach go, Slattern?" Pinkie asked happily.
Slattern was confused. "What? How do you know my name, or how I got here?" he asked.
"Silly Kaiju, I know a lot about your dimension! Isn't it obvious?"
Slattern blinked. "No,"
"Well, duh! How else would I have known to bring everypony here to meet you?"
Slattern was thoroughly confused.
"Anywho, I know you kinda want to destroy the world and stuff, but that's not gonna work,"
The pony was right, if the other kaiju's incompetence was any sign.
"So, wanna join us? We were gonna have a tea party pretty soon, and you're welcome to join in!"
Before Slattern could attempt to kill the strange, paradoxical thing, Otachi returned. "Leatherback!" She shouted in worry, landing next to her mate. "No, you can't die on me baby!" she said, shaking his body.
Everyone turned to look at the pair.
"You see, baby....I'm pregnant!" she shouted.
Leatherback shot up. "You're what?!"
Otachi nodded. "Please don't leave me," she said.
Leatherback smiled. "I'll never leave you," he said.
Then they started making out. It was gross and nasty. Can you picture that? Otachi and Leatherback kissing? Actually, no, don't picture it. I said, don't picture it. Why are you still picturing it? You disgust me.
Slattern's mind had thoroughly broken at this point. What was a kaiju to do? Slattern's mind raced as he considered the possibilities.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *
A few hours later, all of the ponies and kaiju were enjoying some tea. Raiju now was covered in make-up. Knifehead snickered. "You look good," he said.
"Bitch, I'm fabulous," Raiju replied in a completely non-sarcastic way. Knifehead was thrown off guard, and just went back to his tea.
Then Onibaba woke up. "Guys? What happened?"
Then John Wilkes Boothe assassinated Onibaba.
And they all lived happily ever after.
The End
