Nopony Escapes Stalag 13

by DJSaltine

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Slice of Life, Crossover, Alternate Universe, Human, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 11499

Burkhalter comes across an injured Applejack and brings her to Stalag 13. Twilight and her friends aren't too quick to leave another friend behind and won't leave without a fight.

Klink ordered another 'routine' check of the barracks, after a strange explosion of light comes from the woods. Unfortunately, Hogan has lost communication with Headquarters, so he is left in the dark about this strange occurrence. Despite the already weird turn of events, a surprise visit by Burkhalter yields an unexpected result: He has Applejack as a prisoner.
Even worse, when investigating the source of the light, Hogan and his men come across Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, and Rarity. Now, it's up to Hogan and his group of POWs to help Applejack escape from the clutches of the Nazi army and a dummy of her isn't going to get them very far.
Can the Prisoner of War camp survive the onslaught of cute little ponies?

"Schultz is not going to wanna see this!"

This is, of course, set in a pre-Alicorn stage for Twilight.

Thanks to the following for corrections:
Railroad Brony

Published 2014-01-21 20:00:05 UTC
Last updated 2014-09-10 17:36:31 UTC

The Bump In The Night

The road ahead was dark as the twilight of night fell upon Albert Hans Burkhalter’s escort deep in an undisclosed forest in Germany. He sat in the back of the four-doored vehicle, his seats comforting to the eyes. Burkhalter stared intently at his report in the faint light, his eyes straining, but collecting just what he needed. An important message from the Fuehrer had informed him that he was to be posted in another undisclosed location. Although he was disgusted with his new assignment, he agreed in an unhesitant demeanor.

The soldier driving the squad car had his eyes glued to the road, his head crutched over the wheel in an attempt to find the dirt road beyond the dirty window. His mind was trying to keep him awake, but his eyes were fighting tooth and nail. Next to him, an armed soldier was snoring loudly, his head resting against the window and his gun aimed to the ceiling of the squad car.

The driver slowly dozed off, the squad car swerving slightly to the center of the dirt road. A sudden burst of light enveloped the sky as purple and blue lightning exploded nearby. The explosion caused the driver's eyes to suddenly jolt open, noticing a small animal petrified in the road. His eyes collected the critter’s appearance for the split-second before a thud was heard and the whole carriage shook as he swerved away. It appeared to be stammering around on four legs until it noticed the vehicle and froze in the headlights. The squad car was halted ahead of the creature’s unconscious body

The sleeping soldier snorted awake at the sudden noises. “Don’t wake me yet,” he muttered in a sleepy, thick German accent.

An even thicker accent accumulated from behind as the General der Luftwaffe shouted at the incompetent driver. “What is this? What happened?”

The driver got out of the car, running to see about the beast’s condition. Just as he rounded the front of the car, a tall figure blocked his path to inspection. Slowly, the short driver’s head tilted up to the chubby face of none other than General Burkhalter.

He glared down at the cowering man, Burkhalter’s cheeks red in anger and shuddering from the frigid night. His lips curled as he spoke down to the disobedient soldier, slowly and threateningly. “What are you doing?”

The driver shuddered. With a quiet, stuttering voice, he replied. “W-w-we hit some-something.” He swallowed a lump of saliva. “I-I-I-I-I…”

“What are you babbling about?” Burkhalter tilted his head forward in anger.

The driver didn’t say anything, but he leaned over, very over, and tried to see the creature’s condition. He had intended to see a small fawn slumped over, dead, but was struck pale when he saw with a better vision of what it truly was. “Th-th-th-th-tha-that!” He held out a twitching finger.

Burkhalter turned his head with a suspicious and uncertainly slow movement. His eyes took in the pitch-black outline of the car and the purplish-black swaying of the trees. The road behind them was long and had an obvious hole in the forest, a lighter tint down the center. On the road lay a small being, its four legs curled up as if it attempted to cuddle into the fetal position. An orange color emulated from the mound, brown tuft of long hair extended from behind it as well as three rosy-red apples that looked like they were painted on its body.

Burkhalter was at a loss of words. The creature looked like a deer or a horse, but was way too colorful. He turned his whole body to get a better look. “What the…” he muttered to himself as he moved in closer. The being didn’t move at all, the only movement was the subtle wind flowing through its fur. Burkhalter neared, getting in all he could, but it still showed the same thing.

He came up to see the creature’s head. It appeared to be that of a small horse with a brown mane that appeared to be tied in a ponytail. What really interested Burkhalter was a brown hat; a Stetson, to be exact. It seemed to have hit its head at the bumper of the squad car, but thanks to the rather slow driving, came out only with a welt. It might have a concussion, but that couldn’t be determined yet. Its gender appeared to be female.

The timid driver walked up next to him, still in complete awe. Burkhalter never moved his head to face the man, but kept staring at the thing. “What is that?”

“N-no idea, s-sir,” he stammered, still shell-shocked out of his mind.

Burkhalter walked hastily back to the squad car. Without a second’s notice, he opened the door to his back compartment. “Grab the back legs.” He moved quickly to the head of the horse-like being.

“Wh-wha?” the driver stammered, looking to Burkhalter’s form as it got next to the critter.

“This could be of some use to the Third Reich.” He pointed to the creature, each word causing him to jut his finger at it. “It could be radioactive or have some sort of potential for the fuehrer, now…” he motioned to the being.

The driver knelt down and picked up the hind end of the creature. Burkhalter also lifted the horse up and they both awkwardly walked it back to the squad car. With a grunt, they tossed her in. Burkhalter started breathing heavily at the sudden lifting of weight. “What is the nearest base?”

The driver thought for a bit, directing his route in his mind. “The nearest camp is a mile or two down the road. Erm… Stalag 13, I believe.”

The words caused great disdain to appear on Burkhalter’s face. The driver ran into the driver’s seat and began to start the car, the passenger still snoring loudly. Burkhalter looked down the road, a single word clenched between his teeth. “Klink…”

* * * * * *

In Stalag 13, the Kommandant awoke from his sleep and stared at his room in confused disbelief. He had a premonition of dire importance float deep from within. Raising a hand to his chin, he got out of bed and looked out the window overlooking the camp. Whatever was coming was not going to be pretty.

* * * * * *

The subtle breeze rolled through the forest’s trees as tranquility seemed to settle back in. A squirrel or two came running through the undergrowth, scurrying to find shelter. Just then, the world brightened with the tell-tall light source and a group of six horse-like creatures appeared out of thin air. Each of them was different colors and some had wings or horns, but one thing for certain about them, was that they were dazed and tumbling among themselves.

The orange one with brown hair stumbled out of the forest and tripped in a ditch, fumbling about onto a dirt path. The glare of headlights suddenly got her attention before she was hit and knocked unconscious.

A yellow one with wings and pink hair came out of her daze in a bush near the dirt path the orange one stumbled upon to see the two strange, tall creatures came out of the vehicle and began talking to each other. She hardly could comprehend the situation her friend had gotten herself into. She ran back to the clearing where her other friends were.

Her voice came out so quiet that a couple of them couldn’t hear. “Applejack’s been abducted!” A purple one with a horn looked startled at her and started running to the area that the yellow one came from. When she came into the clearing, she saw the car drive away down the dirt road. A blue one with wings and rainbow colored hair flew in beside the purple one with purple hair.

“What’s going on, Twilight?” she asked.

“I don’t know, Rainbow, but from what I can gather is that we’ve been teleported to a different dimension.” She looked to the dirt road, the tire tracks skidded the way to down the road. “And Applejack may have been on that thing!”

“WHAT?!” Rainbow exclaimed. She flew up higher and looked down the road to see the lights driving away quickly. She prepared herself to fly after them, but heard a voice from below.

“Wait!” Twilight called, “Rainbow Dash, don’t go off on your own!”

Rainbow Dash flew down next to Twilight. “We can’t wait! If Applejack is there, we can’t lose her!”

“Calm down, Rainbow, we can’t risk you getting captured also.” She took a deep breath. “I'll rally up everypony else. You can do a bit of recon ahead, but don’t go too far and stay on these dirt roads.”

Rainbow Dash saluted before she beat her wings and flew high in the pale moonlight, her head glancing over each strange new sight that this world held. It didn’t matter which world she was in; she wasn’t one for leaving her friends, and she swore to Celestia that she’d save Applejack.

Author's Note

I've always loved Hogan's Heroes, so I thought I'd bring two things that make me laugh together.

The Confrontation

The darkness enveloped the shady figures running through the forest, their tall figures sneaking cautiously among the undergrowth. Suddenly, a giant light exploded above in the sky, revealing the figures to be none other than Corporal LeBeau and Corporal Newkirk, returning from a previous mission. Both of them were startled at the sudden light, but quickly became entranced in it.

“What was that?” LeBeau asked, his accent thick with French.

“Now, how should I know?” Newkirk responded. He looked around to the forest. “We’ve done our job, now let’s get back quickly!”

LeBeau nodded his head before they both headed back to the underground. Had they kept their heads up in the sky, they’d have seen a shadowy figure flying high into the moonlight, its head searching below.

* * * * * *

“UP! Everybody up!” Sergeant Schultz shouted to the prisoners, his presence blocking the door despite his commands. Complaints filled the barracks as cold POWs got out of their ‘comfortably warm’ beds.

“C’mon Schultz, three more minutes,” complained Carter as he rolled over in his cot.

“Carter, get up and get in formation.”

Without any complaints, the rest of the prisoners inside the barracks got out and went out to the crisp air outside. They all stood as they had been instructed and waited for Schultz to count them. As he rounded Hogan’s spot, he realized he was two short. A look of horror overcame his face as he attempted to figure out who was missing. He sneaked up behind Hogan. “Hogan, there are two prisoners missing,” he stated in a whisper.

“They’re probably still in dream world,” Hogan replied slyly.

Schultz smirked and scoffed. “I’m pretty sure I got everyone out of the barracks, Hogan.”

Hogan shrugged his shoulders a bit. “Suite yourself.”

Inside the barracks, LeBeau and Newkirk hurried up the secret passage and huddled into their own beds.

Schultz looked at the group of prisoners and quickly hustled inside. He neared the Newkirk’s cot and pulled the covers up, leaning his head in close. Underneath, Newkirk turned his head to face Schultz. Their faces were only about two inches away from each other. “You wanna knock before walking in on one’s beauty sleep, Schultz?”

Behind Schultz, LeBeau pulled himself out of his cot. “You’re gonna need years of sleep to make yourself any prettier.”

Both LeBeau and Newkirk started arguing with each other, causing a great commotion. Schultz broke it up. “Both of you; outside and get in formation.”

Newkirk became silent. “Why didn’t you just say so Schultz-y.”

“Yeah, we’d ‘a been up and out already,” LeBeau responded as they both hopped out of their respective cots and walked in line.

Schultz followed close behind, his face in a mixture of confusion and pride.

“Repo-o-o-o-ort!” Klink’s voice echoed throughout the camp as he stepped out into the crisp air.

Schultz stepped forward to confront Klink. “All prisoners present and accounted for, Kommandant.”

“Excellent, Schultz.” He looked to the prisoners. “Return to the barracks.” The prisoners of war began to move back to their own cots.

Schultz leaned closer to Klink. “Was this called because of the explosion?”

Klink rolled his eyes, starting to walk away. “No, Schultz, this was not…” he stopped and inched nearer to Schultz, “did you say explosion?” He looked to Schultz in worry.

“Yes, sir. There was a giant bright light that exploded in the sky.” Schultz smirked lightly. “It was very beautiful.”

“I don’t care how it looked; I just want to know why.” Klink looked to the distance.

“Sir!” A distant voice echoed down to Klink. “A squad car is approaching!”

Klink’s eyes narrowed in suspicion. “We weren’t expecting anyone…” He hurried to meet the car before it entered the camp.

The car pulled up to the area that Klink was standing. Inside, Burkhalter stared out the window. “Klink, I want you to keep all the prisoners in the barracks and meet me in your office, there is something you have to see.”

“Thank you, Burkhalter, you don’t know how important your trust in me is!” Klink stated proudly.

“I don’t trust you, Klink. I just need your men to watch this thing until I return,” Burkhalter stated annoyed as he closed the window and had the driver drive ahead.

Klink saluted him, but kept his feelings of hurt to himself and continued to his office.

Hogan looked out the barracks window at Klink and Burkhalter’s conversation. “It seems like Burkhalter’s decided to give us a surprise visit.”

Kinch agreed. “Seems so, Colonel.” He stepped back and opened the bunk to the underground. “I’ll listen on the radio.”

“Good call.” Hogan watched as the car drove up to the entrance of the office and Burkhalter take out a small lump covered by a giant white cloth. It looked like a body.

Carter came up from behind Hogan. “I don’t like the way that looks, Colonel.”

“Me neither.” He motioned his head to the underground. “Let’s go see what’s going on.”

* * * * * *

“What is it, sir?” Klink asked, his eyes mesmerized at the orange body that lay unconscious on the ground.

“If I knew what it was, I wouldn’t have brought it to you,” Burkhalter snapped harshly.

Suddenly, it started to move. And speak. “What happened, Twi?” it muttered quietly.

“It-it spoke!” Klink sputtered.

“It did that several times in the car,” Burkhalter responded, losing his usually degrading tone for the moment. The body twitched as if awakening. “When she awakes, you say nothing.”

Klink stuttered his next words out. “Yes sir; silent as a mouse!”

“More like a rat,” Burkhalter muttered to himself before the orange horse… thing awoke.

She opened her eyes to reveal boldly green irises. They took in the noteworthy surroundings; a giant desk covered in papers and a box that held something, several filing cabinets, and two tall beings that stood on their hind legs, one lanky and balding, the other was rounded and appearing to be cross. “Where am I?” she asked, as she lifted her front right hoof to the top of her head, feeling for her hat.

Burkhalter opened his mouth to speak, but Klink interrupted. “Stalag 13: the prisoner of war camp with a perfect record.” Burkhalter glared to Klink, but stayed silent. It appeared to take all his energy to avoid any obvious insults to Klink.

“A ‘prisoner of war camp?’” she asked, rubbing her head, namely the bump that formed from the previous accident. “What’s that and who are you?”

Burkhalter stepped forward before Klink could cause anymore damage. “Honestly, it doesn’t really matter, but I am Albert Burkhalter, General der Luftwaffe to the fuehrer.”

Klink quickly interjected himself. “And I am Wilhelm Klink, Kommandant of Stalag thirte…“

“She gets it, Klink,” Burkhalter interrupted. He looked to the odd-one-out and, with an air of grace and poise, asked, “And who are you, my dear?”

“And what are you?” Klink added, his lighting up.

“Uh…” she stated, thinking carefully. “My name is Applejack, and I’m an Earth Pony.” She looked around the room. “Um, how far am I from Equestria?”

Both Burkhalter and Klink looked to each other in confusion. Burkhalter looked back to Applejack. “We don’t know where that is.”

Applejack’s face showed her surprise and concern. She darted her eyes to the floor, twitching back and forth in thought.

“How did you get here?” Burkhalter asked, his voice faking concern.

Applejack looked up from the floor. “My friend Twilight Sss…” her eyes darted around in worry, “Snarkle… casted a new spell that was supposed to send us to Cant…” once again, her eyes darted about the room, “…alant… but something must’ve gone wrong.”

Burkhalter nodded. “I see… and then when you came to… our world, you stumbled about and bumped into our squad car.”

“Is that what I hit?” she asked, rubbing her lump.

“And that light that Schultz mentioned…” Klink began, piecing it together- an odd feat, for sure, “that must’ve been you coming into our world.”

Applejack looked down. “Could be. I do remember a bright light.”

“Now,” Burkhalter said, attempting to close the conversation, “I’m sure you’re exhausted. Klink!”

“Yes, sir, Burkhalter,” Klink stated, saluting and at ready.

“Accommodate Miss Applejack here with the guest room.”

“Yes sir,” Klink moved himself over to his desk and prepared to call someone.

“…Personally,” Burkhalter finished.

Klink froze, his face slightly paler, “Yes sir…”

Burkhalter picked up the cloth that hid Applejack while she was unconscious. “It’ll be safer for you to not be seen by the prisoners, so we’re going to cover you with this and Klink here will lead you to your bed.”

Applejack cautiously put the cloth over body. “Erm… Much obliged…” and awaited Klink’s movements.

Klink walked to the door. “This way,” he stated and lead the way to their guest house.

As soon as Klink left, Burkhalter stared suspiciously at Applejack as she followed blindly behind.

* * * * * *

“Sounds like something really strange is going on, Colonel,” Kinch stated plainly.

“I wouldn’t doubt it, Kinch,” Hogan replied, thinking deeply.

"What do you think she meant by 'Earth Pony?"

Hogan thought hard on that. "I'm not sure. Could be a code."

"No code I ever heard," Kinch replied, unimpressed.

LeBeau climbed down the ladder to confront Hogan, followed by Newkirk. “Colonel Hogan,” he began, “we got the underground tunnel completed, sir.”

“Good. That means we’ve got an escape route in all four directions,” he smiled. “That’ll really help us evade the krouts."

“There was something else, Colonel,” Newkirk interjected. “There was a huge light that just sort of exploded in the sky.”

“A light that exploded in the sky?” Hogan replied, tilting his head forward to ensure that he heard correctly.

“Yeah, a huge one,” LeBeau added. “Is contact to HQ still out?”

“Unfortunately, yes,” Kinch joined in. He looked to the communication device they had. “I probably won’t be able to get it up and running for about a week.”

Hogan looked to the device as well. “That won’t be…” Suddenly, voices could be heard from the hidden audio system as Klink returned to his office. “Wait a minute, hold this conversation…” They all leaned in and listened.

* * * * * *

Klink opened the door and closed it quickly behind him. “She seemed to be able to set herself up well enough.” Burkhalter was sitting on one of the chairs the stood in front of Klink’s desk, his chin resting on his hand in thought.

“Doesn’t matter,” Burkhalter mumbled.

“You know, I almost hate to admit it, but she does seem rather cute.” Klink moved himself over to his desk, smirking to himself.

“She was lying.” Burkhalter never took his eyes away from the desk.

“Excuse me, sir?”

“She was lying about her friend and where she came from,” Burkhalter raised his head to face Klink. “She probably won’t tell us anymore… but maybe…” he looked over to the doorway. “Maybe she’ll talk without her knowing…”

Klink tilted his head. “Without her knowing?”

“I will need a bed tonight,” Burkhalter got back on point. “Yours should suffice.”

Klink twitched in worry. “Mine, sir?”

“Of course.”

“But where would I sleep?”

“You’ll find a place,” Burkhalter got up and began out of Klink’s office. “Heil Hitler.”

Klink stood up. “Heil Hitler.” As soon as Burkhalter left, he sat back down, his face full of exhaustion and worry.

* * * * * *

“What do you think he meant by ‘she’ll talk without her knowing,’ Colonel?” Kinch asked as he shut the machine down.

Hogan stood up straight before leaning back slightly. “Well, I think I’m going to be meeting our mystery girl tomorrow.”

Newkirk looked over to Hogan. “What’re we going to do about the explosion?”

“You two go back out there and see what you can find,” Hogan thought out loud. “Come back in the morning and give us what you find.”

“Whatever you say, Colonel,” LeBeau replied as he and Newkirk began their way outside again.

“What about you, Captain?” Kinch asked.

“I’m going to rest; I’ve got a date tomorrow,” Hogan replied with a smile.

Author's Note

I really enjoyed Schultz in this part. I wanted to have a lot of jokes directed to Schultz and his antics, so I hope that you think I have a little comical talent in this story.

Behold the cleverness of Burkhalter as he realized Applejack's lying. I know she's the Element of Honesty, but she can lie; she's just REALLY bad at it (as seen in Party of One).

Also, if anyone picks up that my naming is spelt wrong or my German is off, please let me know; I'd be very grateful!

The Rest of the Crew

Newkirk and LeBeau silently sneaked through the darkened woods, the world nearly ready to awake from the night’s cloak. A rustling in a nearby bush startled LeBeau. He jolted slightly, staring in the direction of voices, quiet yet hardly audible. He sneaked in nearby, cautious to make any noise. Slowly, LeBeau slid his hands through the bushes and carefully edged them apart. What LeBeau could see did not make any sense.

Standing ahead, a purple, short horse with a horn was talking quietly to four other colorful small horses, each of which with horns or wings. He backed away from the bush and stared with a cocked brow. Quickly, he turned back in.

A sudden face of pink came into contact with LeBeau’s face. “HI!” A loud greeting surprised LeBeau, throwing him back, muttering something in French.

“What’s going on, LeBeau?” Newkirk whispered, hiking over to LeBeau. He looked down to LeBeau’s fumbling form. “What the Bloody…”

Suddenly, a blue light blasted into Newkirk, shoving him to the ground viciously. As soon as his eyes opened, he saw the assailant. A cyan-blue Pegasus with a mane of each color of the rainbow glared down at the confused man, her purple eyes burning holes into Newkirk. “Where’s our friend?”

Both LeBeau and Newkirk were gaping in surprise, unable to speak or even move. From behind the bushes, another voice echoed to the petrified men. “Rainbow Dash!” The voice came from the purple unicorn that was talking before. A mystical aura of purple sparkles appeared over the blue Pegasus’ left ear and began pulling away, the ear moving with it. Rainbow Dash began whimpering slightly as her ear was being yanked. “We don’t know that they’ve taken Applejack.”

“Well, OW!” the blue Pegasus moaned as she was pulled near her friend. “We don’t know who… Ow! …they are even.”

“Exactly,” a white unicorn with purple mane stated coming up quietly beside the purple one. “It isn’t nice to act in such brutish ways.”

Both LeBeau and Newkirk looked back to each other, confused worry in their eyes. Newkirk began talking. “Am I hearing things, or is a bloody horse speaking to me?”

“I think we both need to speak to the colonel about a long vacation,” LeBeau responded.

The colorful creatures looked to each other in stunned silence before looking back to the Prisoners of War. The purple unicorn stepped forward a bit, nervous but brave. “I… We…” she stuttered. “We’re looking for our friend.” The others behind her nodded in agreement.

Neither prisoner spoke nor moved for several seconds. Then Newkirk stared to LeBeau. “I think this is something that Colonel Hogan should take care of…” The colors of dawn began to waken the world around them as they returned to the tunnel.

The bright sun flowed through the windows of Klink’s office as it just rose from the horizon. The slamming of a door awoke the Kommandant, whose head was resting on his desk. Hogan walked inside uninvited. Face red from both laying on the papers and anger, Klink glared up at Hogan as he leaned over the desk.

“Kommandant, I want to discuss…” Hogan stated with a fake anger before being interrupted.

“Hogan, I do NOT want to talk about anything right now,” Klink began, exhausted. “I’ve been kicked out of my bed once again and I’m behind in my paperwork.” Klink motioned to his desk full of papers, books and pens.

“That’s not it, Kommandant; I just wanted to talk to the prisoner.”

“It’s not my prisoner, Hogan, it’s… How did you know of the prisoner?” Klink stood up and walked around his desk to Hogan, an accusatory finger pointed in Hogan’s face.

“Oh, come on, Kommandant,” Hogan began, slightly agitated. “We see your men carrying in something covered in a cloak, and we know that bombs are not allowed to be in Prisoner of War Camps by the Geneva Conventions, so it was the only other logical explanation.”

Klink appeared to believe Hogan’s story as he leaned away from Hogan. “Either way, she’s not my prisoner, she’s Burkhalter’s.”

“A woman, huh?” Hogan smirked.

“Well,” Klink began his mind obviously somewhere else. “She’s not…”

A new voice entered the conversation. “Let Hogan speak to her,” Burkhalter interrupted unceremoniously. “He is allowed to speak to new prisoners.”

Klink stood up as straight as he could, his face showing great surprise. “I was about to suggest that to Hogan, Burkhalter, sir.”

Burkhalter’s face radiated annoyance. “Of course you were, Klink…” He looked back to Hogan. “Hogan, you may speak with the prisoner.”

“I refuse to take ‘no’ as an answ…” Hogan started, that is, until he took in what Burkhalter said. His stubborn face turned to one of surprise. “Did you just say what I thought you did?”

Burkhalter smirked and nodded. “Indeed I did, Hogan.”

Hogan was taken aback by Burkhalter’s words. “I’m starting to get the feeling that we’re fighting other humans.” Burkhalter showed slight annoyance.

Author's Note

Sorry about the long delay between chapters, I've been getting myself off of my medication, so I haven't been feeling like myself. I wanted to get this out sooner, but I couldn't get myself to writing.

If this seems short, that's because it is. I intended to have more, but it'll end up way too long in comparison to the others, so I split it up into two different parts.

The talk with Applejack will commence shortly.

Interrogation

Burkhalter and Hogan stood in front of the guest house, two guards watching them carefully. Burkhalter cleared his throat as he placed his hand on the door handle. “I think I should go in first and let her know about your entrance.”

Hogan raised an eyebrow. “As you say.” Hogan let Burkhalter walk in alone.

Inside, Burkhalter cleared his throat again. Placing his arms behind his back, he called out, “Miss Applejack?”

A surprised gasp came from the window where the Earth Pony stood, staring out at the world. “Oh, Burkhalter, sir, was just…”

“No need to explain yourself, dear, you are my guest, after all.” Burkhalter’s face turned a bit more serious. “Now, I’ve come to let you know that there will be a prisoner who’ll be talking with you.” Burkhalter noticed Applejack’s confused expression. “It is required by law in war times… well, you get the idea.”

Applejack smiled nervously. “I think so…”

Burkhalter nodded. “Just remember that if he tries to do anything strange, yell out so the guards outside who can hear.” Burkhalter opened the door and walked out without another word, leaving a very worried Applejack to herself.

Burkhalter stepped past Hogan outside. “Remember, Hogan, no funny business.”

Hogan smiled slyly. “How am I supposed to make her laugh, then?”

Burkhalter frowned as he walked away. More so to himself, he responded, “It’s no wonder you’re losing the war.” He walked back to Klink’s office.

Hogan entered the room, its beautiful interior entrancing to the sight. He didn’t see anything or anyone inside, but he could tell someone was here. Suddenly, the door to the bathroom creaked open and a small beast walked out, its brown hair covered by a Stetson and done up in a ponytail. Hogan couldn’t help but feel his legs buckle underneath his weight, the strange sight messing with his mind. Suddenly, a sound echoed through the quieted room. “Um, are you alright, there?”

Hogan stumbled back, frightened by the sudden voice coming from the little pony. “You… you…” he stammered, “You talked…”

Applejack raised an eyebrow. “Uh, yeah, I can talk.”

“I- I- I don’t…”

Back at the Kommadant’s office, Klink and Burkhalter were huddled around an audio device, listening in on Hogan’s conversation. Klink chuckled quietly. “You know, sir, I’ve never heard Hogan stutter so much.”

Burkhalter raised an eyebrow and looked to Klink. “Then you now have an idea on how you sound all the time.” Burkhalter turned back to listen in.

Klink shook his fist slightly at being insulted, but nodded acceptingly of his superior officer.

In the guest house, Hogan finally got his bearings together. “Who… What are you?”

Applejack smiled lightly and replied proudly. “I’m Applejack, and I’m the Element of Honesty.”

Hogan raised an eyebrow. “Er… What are you?”

“Oh, right,” Applejack muttered. “I’m an Earth Pony. Um, are you all the same here?”

Hogan chuckled nervously. “Basically. What other kind of Earth Ponies are there?”

“Well, there are Pegasi and Unicorns, but they’re not Earth Ponies. We Earth Ponies tend the ground while the Pegasi control the weather and Unicorns use magic.”

Hogan gave a sly smile beyond his surprise. “I see…” He chuckled to himself. “What do you think about Kommandant Klink and General Burkhalter?”

“Was Klink the lanky one or the round one?”

Hogan’s smirk widened. “I wouldn’t think of Klink as ‘lanky’, more of a proud eagle.”

“More like an aged, bald eagle,” Applejack stated to herself. “So Burkhalter’s the bowling ball, right?”

“I suppose so.”

Burkhalter set an uncertain hand on his gut. He looked to Klink, who was setting an unhappy hand on his shiny head. “Am I really that round?”

Startled, Klink took his hand off his head and looked to Burkhalter. “Oh no, sir. You are as fit as a fiddle!” He gave a comforting smile.

Burkhalter still frowned. “I guess that’s why you’re not the Element of Honesty.” He returned to listening to the conversation.

“Back to you,” Hogan quickly began, trying to get them back on track. “How did you get here?”

Applejack raised her eyes in thought, recalling the events. “My friend Twilight Spar… er, Snarkle… was testing a new teleportation spell when it must’ve picked us up instead of apple she was trying to hit.” Hogan watched in fascination. “Then, next thing I know, I was hit by something. Next thing I knew, I was talking with the eagle and the butterball.”

Hogan wandered around the small house for a bit, steps coming out more as stiff and unnatural. “So you were teleported. Anyone else?”

Applejack watched him suspiciously. “I think my friends also might’ve been brought here.”

“What are their names?”

Applejack looked around cautiously. “Um, well, there’s Rainbow… Crash, er, Hairity… urm, Spitie Pie… and, erm Flutterguy.”

Hogan nodded slowly, taking in her lies. He then turned to the lamp in the center of the room. “Well, I got nothing else to ask, so I’ll just wait here until Schultz picks me up.” He quietly took the bulb on the top and squeezed his thumb over it to mute his voice.

Klink turned to the doorway, Schultz standing in the opened office. Klink cocked his head in confusion and annoyance. “How long have you been there, Schultz?”

“The whole time, Kommandant,” he responded with a salute.

Klink shook his finger in Schultz’s face. “Very well, Schultz, I’ll deal with your eavesdropping later. For now, I want you to return Hogan to his barracks.”

Schultz saluted. “Yes sir, Kommandant.” He began to walk out of the room, when he stopped and turned back to Klink. “Kommandant, what if she is attracted to me?”

Burkhalter turned to their conversation. “Attracted? To you?”

“Y-yes Burkhalter, sir.” Schultz carefully responded. “I do have a way with women.”

“Sure you do…” Burkhalter stated off-to-the-side.

Klink returned to the conversation. “Schultz, I’m sure she’ll have no problem staying away from you.”

Schultz turned to Klink. “But if she can’t, Kommandant.”

Burkhalter interjected. “Then use force.”

Schultz shook his head dejectedly. “I would never use force on a woman.”

“How about on a man,” Klink began, inching closer. “On the Russian front?”

Schultz saluted and walked out quicker than he’d come in. Klink returned to Burkhalter’s side like a guard dog.

Hogan looked over to Applejack and quietly whispered to her. “I know you are lying. Now I don’t know why, but I want you to trust me. Is there a way for us to get you back?”

“I…I…” Applejack stuttered, not entirely certain about answering. “I guess Twilight might be able to be get us back…”

“Do you know where she is?”

“They’re probably back where we came from…”

Hogan didn’t say anything, but nodded and released his hand from the speaker. Suddenly, a loud bash came from the door as Schultz entered. “Coronel Kogan, you will return to the barracks,” Schultz exclaimed, standing tall. “I will be escor…tin…” Schultz stared at the elephant in the room, stuttering with wide eyes. “I… I… I see nothing!” He shook his head slightly.

“Um…” Applejack started, tilting her head forward. “Is he alright?”

Schultz’s eyes widened even larger. “I hear nothing! I hear nothing! I. KNOW. NOTH-ING!!”

Burkhalter turned his head to see Klink. Klink shakily faced Burkhalter, smiling nervously. Burkhalter looked back to the device. Klink frowned and shook a fist in anger at Schultz.

“Is he alright?” Applejack asked again, a little more concerned than before.

Hogan walked up to Schultz and placed an arm over Schultz’s shoulder. “He’s fine: he’s just blind, deaf, and dumb.” With a great smirk on his face, he lead the blubbering giant back to the barracks.

Author's Note

I'm sorry about the long wait, but I hope this part makes up for the wait.

Five New Prisoners

“Hogan,” a very confused Schultz questioned, “what was that thing I saw in there?”

Hogan smirked as he neared the barracks door. “I thought you didn’t see anything in there?”

Schultz frowned. “Hogan, please, just tell me.”

Hogan leaned against the wall. “Well,” he sighed, “from what I know she traveled through space and time and is searching for her friends so she can get back home.”

Schultz chuckled and looked around. “Some joke.” He began walking back to Klink’s office, dropping the topic in annoyance. Hogan smiled and shook his head as he opened the door and entered the barracks.

The aroma of one of LeBeau’s cooking flooded Hogan’s nostrils as he shut the door behind him. Inside, Kinch was laying on his cot, reading a magazine. He immediately put his story down and got up to speak with the Colonel. “Colonel, there is something you’re going to want to see down there.”

Hogan’s eyes alighted. “There’s something YOU’D like to see out there,” he stated, his face showing both amusement and caution.

“Trust me,” Kinch said, not wanting to fight with his superior, “you’re going to want to see what we have down there.”

Hogan’s face furrowed in confusion, not sure what could be going on. He tapped the bunk; the bottom cot flew up and opened to the underground tunnels. Hogan stepped in and went down the ladder, a group of voices leading up and striking his ears. He knew the voices of Carter and Newkirk, but there was one other voice- a feminine one- that he’d never heard before.

As soon as he took his final step down, Hogan was able to see the owner of the female voice. It was a short, purple horse with a horn on the top of its head, a darker purple colored mane, and several stars on her back, similar to the place where Applejack had apples on her. Hogan was taken aback.

“Oh,” the purple unicorn gasped, noticing Hogan’s attendance. “Hello.”

Hogan stared dumbly at the odd sight. After a long moment of silence, he mustered the strength to talk back. “…Hi?”

Carter walked up beside the unicorn. “They’ve come to find a friend of theirs,” he stated normally.

Newkirk leaned on a chair nearby. He spoke up as well. “We found them out in the woods. Their friend might be taken by the krauts.”

“She was…” Hogan began pacing slowly about. He looked to the blue Pegasus. “You must be Rainbow Crash.”

She looked to him and burst out laughing. “Bwahahahaha! Oh, Applejack.”

Hogan moved on to the yellow Pegasus who was hiding behind her bangs. “You must be Flutterguy.”

She lowered her head deeper into her pink hair. Quietly, she whispered, “i-i-if you w-want to…”

Hogan again chanced course, looking to a Pink bouncy one. “Spitie Pie.”

She started giggling in hearty belly-laughs, too happy to even respond.

Hogan looked to a white unicorn. “You must be Hairity.”

She gasped. “I say!”

The purple unicorn walked forward and comforted the white one. “Oh, Rarity, I’m sure she’s just trying to keep us safe.”

“… and I suppose you’re not Twilight Snarkle,” Hogan interrupted.

She gasped. A couple snickers came from behind her from her friends. “What?” she exclaimed, her voice echoing down the corridor.

Rarity leaned closer to Twilight. “Dear Twilight, I’m sure it’s for our safety,” she stated slyly with a wink. Twilight smiled lightly.

Twilight looked back to Hogan. “Is there a way to get her out of there?”

Carter glanced to Hogan. “How about we just distract the krauts and while the guards aren’t looking, sneak her out through the tunnel?”

Newkirk brought forth his two-sense. “If we did do that, the krauts’ll find our operations and that’ll put a damper on our whole war efforts.”

“I suppose so,” Carter tilted his head in deeper thought.

Newkirk slapped his hands on the chair and stood up. “Well, while you two think up ways to put us in more danger, I’ll be up with Kinch.” He climbed up the ladder and exited the tunnel.

Hogan set his fingers on his chin. “This might take a bit of thinking…”

Burkhalter sat at Klink’s desk, the phone pressed to his ear. “I see,” he stated, his face showing annoyance. “Well, keep a close eye on her! Heil Hitler.” He slammed the phone down and looked up from the desk to a bug-eyed Klink. He sat leaned in, trying to hear everything that was going on.

“What’s the matter, sir?” Klink asked, straightening up quickly and as suave as he could.

“It seems our guest has had a misconception about us,” he leaned back in the chair, folding his arms. “She was caught kicking out a window and attempting to flee.”

Klink showed his surprise. “Why would she do that?”

“Burkhalter raised an eyebrow as he looked to Klink. “Perhaps because she’s in a prison camp.”

“Oh, but she’s not a prisoner.” Klink waved his hand at Burkhalter.

“Being with you is plenty enough,” Burkhalter muttered to himself. “I think she got a bad notion from Hogan. Something he said or did didn’t seem right to her.”

“But what does Hogan have to do with her trying to escape?”

“Perhaps she felt threatened.” He leaned farther back in the chair. “Either way, she has been transported to the cooler. I will be staying here until I can get word to Germany about my discovery.”

Klink’s eyes lightened. “Ah, then what will they do then?” In the back of his mind, he felt thankful that he could sleep in his own bed tonight.

“I don’t know,” Burkhalter’s temper seemed to waver. “They’ll probably learn as much about her world and any possible ways there and probably boil her down for glue.”

Klink’s smile faded. His face paled as thoughts flooded his mind. “Gl…glue?”

“Probably a very strong one.” Burkhalter shrugged. “Whatever the fuehrer wishes.” He leaned forward and began to inspect the paperwork. “You may leave now. Heil Hitler.”

Klink awkwardly backed up and walked out of the room. “Heil Hitler,” he stated nonchalantly. He walked outside the building, his head down, arms folded behind his back. Slowly, he raised his head, the monocle glaring off a single ray. Heart heavy with worry, he looked into the gleaming sun.

Author's Note

Sorry about the long wait between chapters. Writer's block, depression, and lack of sleep due to work have really put me in a damper.

However, I hope this chapter brings forth joy and worry for our heroes.

Dinner For Five

In the tunnel, Hogan sat in a corner, debating all possible exits while Carter leaned in, listening to Twilight talking. “… and that’s how we resealed Discord in stone,” she finished, opening her eyelids to Carter’s gleaming eyes.

Carter sat back. “Amazing.” He smiled, childish. “Sounds like you’ve had a lot of adventures!”

Rainbow Dash lay on her back in the dirt, her face bored extremely annoyed. “Yeah, I wish we were on one right now.”

Rarity was resting peacefully on a blanket. “Come now, Rainbow, think about it; we’re in a different world. There’s plenty of room for adventure!”

Rainbow flew up near the ceiling. “Then why can’t we be THERE instead of this dusty hole?”

Fluttershy interjected her point next. “I’m sure we’ll have plenty of adventures once we get Applejack back.” She was resting in the dirt next to Rarity.

“Eh,” Rainbow Dash sighed, returning to the ground in defeat. She rested her chin on her folded hooves. “The time my wing was broken was more fun…” she muttered to herself. Suddenly, she lifted her head at a breakneck speed. “Wait a minute! Where’s Pinkie?” Everybody quickly looked around, but no Pinkie could be seen.

The scent of LeBeau’s cooking overfilled the barracks, the aroma tantalizing and arousing the saliva glands of the men around. With a proud gleam in his eyes, he brought over a platter with five white bowls adjourned with a thick, brown stew. He placed the tray on the long table and removed the five bowls, placing each one adjacent to a chair. Holding the tray underneath his arm, he tapped the board and waited as the lower bunk flew up, revealing the passage. He climbed down.

LeBeau finally got their attention. “Dinner is served!” Despite the aroma, everyone was speechless, frantically searching about, leaving him in a confused stupor.

Pinkie Pie stood upright against the cooler’s cold wall, flattening herself to the metal. Her face showed worry; however, her eyes were sparked with excitement. Two guards walked by, watching out for any prisoners. Suddenly, they stopped at the corner perpendicular to Pinkie’s location and leaned against the wall. They started chatting amongst themselves, discussing rumors floating around, in German. Pinkie smiled a coy and mischievious grin.

“I’m gonna have to distract them if I’m gonna be able to get back to the others…” she muttered silently to herself. The guard closest tilted his head and began to sneak over. Quietly, he tapped the other and creeped close to the end. Suddenly, he jumped the corner, gun at the ready. He looked around to the empty lot where Pinkie once hid.

Around the other side, Pinkie Pie tip-toed her way back to the barracks, the ‘TPTPTPTPTPTPTPTPTPTPTP’ sound following with her.

The front door to the barracks suddenly swung open, surprising Kinch as he lay on the top bunk over the tunnel. He sat up as a long pink blur flew into the underground. Confusion overtook him as he got down and inspected the odd occurrence.

Underground, Rainbow Dash was searching under a table, her eyes darting back and forth. “Where could Pinkie Pie be?” She took her head out from underneath to come face-to-face with her friend.

“I’m right here, silly!” Pinkie responded with a giggle. She hopped around in the dirt joyously.

Twilight walked beside her. “Pinkie, where were you?” Her voice was full of concern.

“I was just looking around!” she stated happily, stopping her hopping. Her smile faded slightly. “It was way too boring down here.”

Rainbow Dash took to her wings. “I knew I wasn’t the only one.” She folded her front hooves in a grump.

The sound of a clearing throat echoed into the tunnel. Every being turned their heads over to LeBeau, who stood as tall as he could. “Lunch is served,” he stated proudly, bowing slightly before he climbed up. Each of the girls looked among themselves before they followed behind, leaving Hogan and Carter to debate the escape.

Each ponies’ expression was relatively the same- unsure and slightly disgusted- as each of the girls walked up to the table. Twilight put on a brave smile and tried to seem pleased with what sat in front of her. “Looks… great. Um, what is it?

LeBeau’s face faltered slightly before it came back full force. “A French dish we call Daube.”

Rainbow Dash leaned in closer to her plate and took a couple whiffs. Instantly regretting it, she sat up straight, face distorted in a disgusted frown. “What is it?” she muttered.

LeBeau bowed slightly closer, still smiling. “It’s beef braised in wine, vegetables, garlic, and herbes de Provence.” He took great pride in his work.

Rainbow Dash tilted her head over to her left, whispering to Pinkie, “I think the ‘herbs dei providence’ made me lose my appetite. A harsh-toned flew through the air as Twilight shushed her friend.

Meekly smiling quickly afterward, Twilight bravely used her magic to levitate her spoon into the dish and extract a brown cube surrounded by the flowing liquid. She nervously brought it to her lips, the smell starting to agitate her nostrils, and sipped it into her mouth. The instant it struck her tongue, she retracted her gag reflex, causing her cheeks to round and her face to turn a pale green. Struggling just to shut her eyes, she chewed and swallowed the morsel. Even though she’d downed the spoonful, Twilight didn’t even realize her tongue was hanging out until Rarity gave her a slight, indiscernible nudge. Twilight looked back to LeBeau, his face still anxious and proud. “I… assume you would... find it… amazing?” Twilight struggled out, trying to let him down easily.

Luckily for Twilight, LeBeau got the hint. His pride really took a hit as his smile fell flat. His voice didn’t give off any sarcasm, but plenty of it was strewed across his words. “I suppose you’d rather I collect some dandelions?”

Rainbow Dash had her tongue extracted, not even a thousandth of an inch away when she’d heard LeBeau’s statement. She sat straight up. “I could go for some dandelions!”

“Oooh, ooh, me too!” came Pinkie’s excited voice.

“I-If you wouldn’t mind,” whispered Fluttershy who constantly glanced between her bowl and the chief.

Rarity’s face was twisted in a worried smile. “I’m sure this is really high-class, but I think I’d rather some as well.”

LeBeau looked horrified. Twilight quietly muttered beside him. “It’s not that we don’t respect your hospitality, it’s just that…” she looked LeBeau up and down, “we aren’t exactly the same species.”

LeBeau nodded slightly, less offended at Twilight’s explanation. A voice came from the recently opened underground. “It smells great LeBeau- the men and I will make good use of it.” He walked up and patted his comrade on the back.

The front door was sudden opened up, an echoing slammed reverberated through the barracks. Standing tall in the doorframe was the one and only Shultz. His eyes closed and chin raised high, he proceeded to announce the orders. “Hogan! All prisoners are to report outside for an hour of exercise by order of the Kommandant.” He opened his eyes and overlooked the barracks. “Also, no pris…on…ers.” He stared at the multi-colored creatures who sat around the table as if they were always there. They all had looks of horror, shock, and fear as they gazed at the behemoth standing at the exit. Shultz stuttered, his eyes wide and mouth agape. “Wh-wh-wh-wha” was all he could get out. Suddenly, he spat out, “What are these things and what are they doing here?”

Hogan walked up next to Shultz and placed a reassuring arm over his shoulder. He began to walk Shultz back to the outside world. Clearing his throat, he answered the guard. “You see Shultz, ever since I met with the horse, I felt a need to make more-“

Schultz looked over to Hogan, his eyes still wide. “Bu-bu-but how did you-“

“With enough cardboard and markers, you can make anything.” Hogan smiled.

Schultz looked back to the shocked ponies. “Those things are flat?”

Hogan walked Shultz away from the sight of the beings. “You’d be surprised.” Hogan walked in front of Shultz and looked into his eyes. “Now, anymore orders from the Kommandant.”

Shultz’s eyes stayed bugged and surprised, but as he blinked, they slowly returned to their regular dimensions. “Ye-yeah, n-no prisoners are allowed to go near the Cooler…”

Hogan patted Shultz on the back, smiling. “Great, I’ll just get all the men ready to go.” He walked back into the barracks, quickly closing the door behind him. Shultz’s whole body tingled and shook as he walked back to the Cooler, muttering, “I saw nothing… I saw nothing…” the entire way back.

Author's Note

The long awaited next chapter.

Setting The Heist

Burkhalter had finally left Klink’s office. Klink sighed as he sorted through the papers scattered along his desk. He’d only had the office to himself for five minutes when a knock echoed throughout the room. The sudden noise startled Klink, shaking papers around on the table. “Come in,” he stated, realigning his piles.

Hogan opened the door and calmly walked up to a chair, his hands aiming for the cigar box resting on Klink’s desk. Klink placed a firm hand over the lid, hindering Hogan’s efforts. Taking the hint, Hogan sat back in the seat, nonchalantly starting the conversation. “I was just wondering, Kommandant, what are your plans for Applejack?” Hogan inquired as if they were talking towards the subject, leaning in slightly.

Klink’s face appeared to sag as the weight of information returned to his shoulders. He glanced about the room carefully before leaning in near to Hogan. “They’re going to take her out of the camp and do tests on her.” He leaned back in his chair. “Cut her open. Stick her with needles ‘this long.’” He raised his index fingers nearly two feet away from each other.

“Did Burkhalter actually say that?” Hogan asked, both sarcasm and belittling in his voice.

Klink shivered a bit as he spoke. “Well, not exactly- but I could tell in his voice.” He tilted his head away in thought. “Who knows what else…”

Hogan sat still as Klink thought about what horrible things the scientists would do- based on old mad-scientist, sci-fi movies. Without warning, Hogan leaned in and muttered to Klink quickly, “Meet me outside the barracks as soon as I leave.” He stood up and began to the door.

Klink’s mind stopped rummaging as he looked up to Hogan. “But Hogan, why?”

“I’ll explain when you’re there.” Without another word, Hogan closed the door, leaving Klink again in his silent room.

* * * * * *

“Alright, Hogan, what is it you want?” Klink shouted as he marched beside the waiting officer. Klink’s face beamed annoyance.

As soon as the Kommandant was standing beside him, he spoke- although all that came out was hardly a whisper. “Now, you said they were escorting her out tonight…”

“Yes I said that, Hogan,” Klink interrupting loudly, scoffing at his valuable time being wasted.

“Well,” Hogan eyed the surroundings suspiciously, “what if I said I could get her safely home?”

Klink turned his head around as well, watching for any nosey guards who could be eavesdropping. “You could do that?”

Hogan nodded his head, bringing his voice back to a normal tone. “Easy. I just need you to let me and a couple fellow prisoners out for an hour or two with black uniforms, a car, and several of your guns.”

Klink’s face turned from hope to a hearty smile. “Hogan,” he began, pointing his index finger for emphasis, “I always thought you were a funny man;” his face hardened up, “but this just proves how heartless you are.” His shoulders released into an eased state as his face fell into despair. “This is a serious problem.”

“And this is a serious answer,” Hogan replied quickly, his face showing sincerity. “If you think we’d try to use that to escape, you can forget it!” He leaned back to the building behind him, muttering the last bit out quickly. “We’re just going to take Burkhalter prisoner and release Applejack to go back to wherever it is she came from.”

Klink’s face was a mangled mess of bemusement. “Now I know you’re kidding.” He began to walk away.

Hogan reacted quickly and got in Klink’s way. “On my word as an officer and a gentleman; no one will escape and no one will be hurt.”

Klink looked confused. He pointed at Hogan, stating, “I can see you’re serious.” Klink pondered on the plan for a while. Caving in, he shook his head. “Alright, I’ll have a car waiting for you by the South exit at 9 with what you need inside.” He looked around, still uncertain. “Do you really think it’ll work?”

“Trust me.”

Klink smiled, twitching as he registered Hogan’s words. “Trust you?”

“If you can’t trust your enemy, who can you trust?” Hogan responded, leaving before either party could get in another say.

As Hogan walked away, Klink noticed a prisoner just out the corner of his eye. Turning, he noticed LeBeau walking around the camp, a fistful of flowers, grasses, and other weeds he could find growing in the dirt. Klink cocked his head at the odd sight. “Silly prisoners,” he chuckled. Nodding it off, he returned to the piles of paperwork he had yet to do.

* * * * * *

LeBeau and Newkirk were walking to the cooler, discussing loudly amongst one another an obviously pre-rehearsed routine. Newkirk shook a well-wrapped candy bar in his hands. “These companies are making it difficult to enjoy a nice bit of chocolate. They make the wrappers too hard to open.”

LeBeau smirked. “You just need more muscles; like Schultz.” He looked away from his partner-in-crime to the large guard, who had his eyes shut and rested against the cool walls. “Ah, here he is.”

Schultz snorted himself awake as voices filled his ears. He quickly stood up and pointed his gun at the prisoners. “Stop or I’ll shoot!” he spat.

“Tell ya what, Schultz,” Newkirk began, leaning on the wall and waving the tantalizing bar in front of Schultz’s hungry eyes. “If you can get this opened, I’ll give ya the chocolate inside.”

Schultz scoffed and stood up. “It’s no wonder you’re losing the war.” He chuckled lightly and extended his arm, handing over his ‘Krag-Jorgensen’ rifle. “Hold this.” Newkirk accepted and gave the candy bar. Schultz placed it between both of his meaty fingers and pulled in opposite directions, struggling to make a tear. All the while, Newkirk quickly slid the rifle behind his back, hiding its very existence.

With an audible POP, the wrapper exploded its chocolaty-goodness all about the room, leaving only a couple bits of it left inside. Schultz’s face looked disappointed at the shameful loss of good chocolates. Sighing, he replied, “There. It’s open.”

“See?” LeBeau began, staring to Newkirk. “I told you Schultz could do it.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Newkirk muttered.

Schultz stood up straight and, with a bit of chocolate in his mouth, barked orders. “Now, give me back my rifle or I’ll shoot!”

Newkirk looked LeBeau in confusion. “Did he have his rifle when we came in?”

LeBeau looked at Schultz and back to Newkirk. “I can’t say that he did…”

Schultz’s heart-rate sped up as he mumbled, “But, I-I-I thought I-“

“Sorry Schultz,” Newkirk sighed, feigning disappointment. “Looks like you lost your gun.”

Schultz’s voice began to whine. “Oh no! I have to find it quick before the Kommandant finds out!”

LeBeau tapped Schultz on his chest with the back of his hand. “Don’t worry, Schultz-ie, I’ll help you look!”

Schultz’s face glowed in relief. “Oh thank you, LeBeau.” LeBeau began to walk out. “Oh, and if you find it, don’t worry, it’s not loaded.” Schultz looked back to Newkirk. “Can I trust you not to let anyone else in?”

Newkirk placed his right hand on his chest. “I won’t let anyone lower enter through this door.”

Schultz smiled warmly as he quickly ran towards the door. “Thanks, Newkirk.” Just as quickly as his smile had returned, it disappeared and he took off to search with LeBeau.

Newkirk watched as Schultz exited, Newkirk’s eyes deceitful and smug. He stepped forward and placed the rifle against the door. A bit of a commotion began inside the holding cell- starting with the scraping of furniture and followed by a surprise conversation by Applejack and Newkirk’s superior officer. He didn’t respond, however- he just stood there, making sure nobody entered through the door.

* * * * * *

“So, I think I get it,” Applejack replied, her face contorted in thought. She looked down at a plateful of dandelions and assorted grasses, the appearance tantalizing to her senses. She looked up to Hogan, worry in her eyes. “You’re sure nopony’s gonna get hurt?”

“I’ll make sure no one gets hurt,” he announced smugly, a confident grin plastered on his face. He began to return to the tunnel hidden behind a box, a plate of dark brown something-or-other in his hands- apparently the guards considered it as food and gave it to Applejack.

Applejack’s eyes darted to the salad placed in front of her. Faster than she’d ever moved for food before, she dunked her head into it and lay waste to the greens.

Author's Note

My favorite jokes were in this one.

Now, when I say '"Krag-Jorgensen’ rifle", I mean the rifle that Schultz always carries with him when he isn't setting it down to play poker or handing it to the prisoners. Yes, I looked it up and that is the name of the rifle (Wikipedia says so, so it must be true!).

Again, real-life issues kept me away. An entire weekend away from all devices. A virus hit my computer. Moving and cleaning to move. Depression. The fair's in town (really was a let-down). All of them kept me from writing this one.

There are two more left (including the actual after-the-final-commercial-break-bit that happens at the end of each episode), so watch for them!

The Heist

Three black figures sneaked quietly through the darkened forest, their upright bodies contradicting the shorter, colorful equines that skipped behind. Two carried a long wooden plank, colored red and yellow, following close behind the leader. They sank lower into a group of bushes alongside a dirt path, keeping hidden by the road-side camouflage. The first stuck his head through the leaves and glared down the dark purple road. Not seeing anything, he motioned his head, nodding them out. The two other men carried the blockage into the center of the road, stopping all traffic- if there was any.

Still in the bushes, Hogan quietly muttered to the antsy ponies behind. “Stay back far enough so their lights won’t spot you.” He stared as a set of headlights made its way over the crest of the hill and quickly rolled closer. “Don’t get too hug-ey when she gets out- last thing we need is Burkhalter sniffing all of you out.” The car lit up the two men on the road, revealing Carter and Newkirk to be sporting Nazi uniforms.

Hogan stood up straight, position his hat carefully so as to look presentable. The vehicle slowed to a halt, stopping feet from the prisoners-dressed-Nazis’ shoes. The driver began to open the door and stood out of the vehicle when a gun was aimed at his chest. He stopped, staring dumbfounded at Carter. The other man in the front was asleep once again, snoring loudly inside while the other was quickly herded away. As he raised his hands, a voice echoed from behind, the window rolling down. “What is going on?” Burkhalter spat, he head leaning out the opening. “Don’t tell me you hit something else!”

The sudden clicking from behind caught his attention, silencing him dead in his tracks. He didn’t move, fear paralyzing his actions. Hogan’s face was covered, a black cloth, wrapped tightly around his mouth, nose and forehead. In a terribly unconvincing German accent, Hogan made his demands. “I want you to open the door and step out.” He held the hand-gun close to the general’s head as he slowly unhinged the car door.

Burkhalter slowly moved as he was told. Hogan quickly pulled the door further. Inside, Applejack was sitting on the seat, serene on the outside, but panicking internally. Hogan motioned her out, nodding his head. She slipped out cautiously, her head down like a scared puppy. She hid underneath her Stetson, careful not to show her joyous smile to Burkhalter.

Hogan looked up from the small horse and back to Burkhalter. Through his fake accent, he gave a final speech. “We are taking this creature.” He tilted his head over to his cohorts. Both of them backed away from the hostage drivers, their guns still aimed and ready to fire. Carter glanced down at Applejack and nodded her off towards the trees. “And will be conducting our own experiments on it.” Hogan paused,

Applejack stared up to Carter before slowly inching off as he said. Carter followed. Both Hogan and Newkirk began backing away as well, guns still aimed. Burkhalter glared daggers at the thieves, but they disappeared silently into the foliage. The sleeping driver suddenly twitched awake. Through his sleep-crusted eyes, he looked over to his cohort. “What’s wrong? Did we hit something else?”

* * * * * *

Deeper in the forest, the six small ponies were happily laughing and hugging each other, thankful they’d been reunited with one another. Carter and Newkirk began scurrying back to the camp, staying low in the undergrowth, while Hogan snuck near the joyous girls. “Do you think you can get back?” he asked in a hushed tone.

Twilight backed away from the crowd and gazed up at Hogan. “Theoretically, yes. I know the spell… I just hope it’ll send us back to Equestria…” she trailed off, sadly looking away.

Rustling leaves gathered Hogan’s attention as he glanced behind, his imminent capture on his mind. With a slight smirk, he replied. “Sounds good enough.” He began creeping away quietly through the bushes. Sighing, he turned his head to the girls. “Good luck. If you ever pop back in, do it when we’re not in the middle of the war.” With that said, he slipped away into the bushes, leaving the six friends to attempt to return home.

* * * * * *

Inside Stalag 13, Kommandant Klink quickly paced up to Schultz. Schultz was snoring on his feet once again, standing hardly-at-attention by the entrance of the Kommandant's office. Klink stood beside the slumbering guard silently. He gazed over at Schultz's form, an eyebrow raised. "Beautiful night tonight, eh Schultz?"

Schultz snorted awake, gazing about the world before finally focusing on Klink. "Oh, Kommandant." He glanced around quickly. "I wasn't sleeping, I was just resting my eyes."

"I know you weren't sleeping," Klink lied, "I was just coming over to see if I could spot the lights you saw last night."

Schultz's eyes darted around. "Of course." Both Klink and Schultz stared into the dark twilight, gazing as the night overcame the land. They both stood silently watching the stars when the same silent explosion pierced the darkness.

"Ahh, Schultz," Klink began dreamily. "It's just as beautiful as you said!" Schultz stared at Klink uncomfortably. After a few seconds, he slowly turned his eyes back to the sky.

* * * * * *

Carter, Newkirk, and Hogan ran frightened back to the truck they left hidden thick in the forest. A sound of sparkles erupted behind them until they noticed the wondrous glow that beamed into the sky behind them, the twilight brightened for the second time that week. The colorful lightning exploded throughout the slightly cloudy night. They all stopped their tracks, glancing back to view the spectacle before it disappeared seconds later.

Carter sighed as the sky blackened again. Newkirk looked away to his comrade. “What’s up Carter? Missing them already?” Hogan smirked as he too looked at Carter.

Carter gazed back to Newkirk and Hogan. With a brave smile, he answered, “Kind of. It’s just that…” Carter looked back to through the trees where the ponies used to be. “They were going to tell me what happened after Twilight was imprisoned in the caves under Canterlot.”

Hogan smiled as he slid his arm over Carter’s shoulder and lead him back to the vehicle.

Author's Note

Just wanted to point out- I had originally planned to finish this chapter before August started and finish the epilogue soon there after. However, while looking around on Craigslist, I found myself saying: "Hmm, this apartment is within my price-range and looks pretty nice. Let's look into it," and low-and-behold, I had the entire month of August spent on moving in and getting used to living alone.
That, and depression/work.

Oh well, I have the epilogue in the works and plan for it to be finished BEFORE the end of September- that is, if I don't mess something up.

Okay, and about the vehicle Hogan requested previously, it was only used to get ahead of Burkhalter without him knowing. They left in hidden in the forest and ran back to it.

Epilogue

“Yes, General Burkhalter, sir,” Klink replied into the phone, his back hunched over his desk. Hogan sat comfortably in Klink’s office, leaning forward towards the Kommandant’s cigar collection. “Yes, General, it was definitely a shame.” Burkhalter was calling from a payphone in the nearest town, informing Klink about the bandits near the area. “I’ll be sure to comb the forest for any suspicious activity.”

“And Klink,” Burkhalter interrupted quickly. “Everything that happened stays between us. If any of it gets out, you’ll find yourself in front of a firing squad!” He paused. “Heil Hitler.”

“Heil Hit-” the phone played a dial tone. Klink frowned as he placed the phone down. Excitedly, he looked up to Hogan. “So, Hogan.” He began rubbing his hands together. “How did it go?”

“Without a hitch,” Hogan stated smugly, leaning back in his chair.

“Excellent!” Klink stood up, wandering around his desk. “I do hope they put in a good word with their princess about us.” He leaned on the wall, head tilted in hopeful thought.

“Yeah,” Hogan grunted as he stood up from the chair. “It’s a good thing you’re so great with women.” Hogan placed an arm around Klink’s shoulder, pulling him in. “Because legend has it that she banished her sister to the moon during a dispute.” With that being said, Hogan exited the room and closed the door behind him, leaving a very disgruntled and worried Klink.

Author's Note

Not quite as long as I had anticipated, but here is the final part to the story.

Whether or not the girls made it back to their world is up to you, but one thing's for certain: Roll credits! (DunDun Dun Dun Dun DUN!)