One Hoof In Front of the Other
Have you ever had one of those mornings? A morning that you’re forced to wake up when you were in the middle of a really good dream, and just don’t feel like getting out of bed? That by some hopeful chance, you’d be able to experience the dream again if you fell back asleep right on the spot?
This was not one of those mornings.
First off, I ended up not even having a dream. For me, that is a sign that something is wrong with me. I can’t recall a time where I slept and didn’t dream.
Second, I somehow felt fundamentally WRONG. I couldn’t place my finger on it, but it was as if someone had literally tried to cram me into something small, almost as if trying to put on clothes that were too small for you. I felt...diminished. Shrunk. I don’t really know how else to put it, but let’s just say that I did not feel like myself at all.
As the edges of sleep left my eyes, I found myself staring at my ceiling. I could hear my phone alarm blaring in my ear, but I couldn’t really be bothered to actually turn over and turn it off could I? With a heavy sigh, I did just that. I turned over, glaring at the iphone as I grabbed it-
Wait.
I stared at the appendage that was now overtop of my phone. There was a name for such a thing, but a hand was definitely not one to describe it. Slowly, I lifted my ‘hand’ and brought it to my face. It was a stump. The stump was covered in a turquoise fuzz, and curved around at the bottom in an eerily familiar way.
“...A hoof.” I slapped a hoof to my mouth, and I do mean actually slapped. Have you ever slapped yourself with a hoof? It hurts. A lot. Don’t ever do it.
That wasn’t my voice. ignoring the throbbing pain on my face, I pulled my hoof away from my mouth and crossed my eyes to look down towards my nose. Instead of a nose, a short muzzle extended out from my face. At this point, I was starting to get the hint and quickly tried to throw the covers off of my body, which I failed at miserably. I won’t go into details, but let’s say it was at least a period of about ten minutes before I finally managed to get the covers off of my body. Instead of my body reaching down towards the bottom of the mattress like usual, it ended about halfway down, my feet replaced with two unfamiliar turquoise stumps. More hooves. Right. Equines usually had about four of those. And counting my other two hooves, that eliminated a wide range of possibilities of what I could have become.
Okay, don’t panic Zack. The worst thing you can do right now is panic. Get to a mirror. Look at yourself. Emboldened by a task that I had managed to set out for myself, I quickly swung my fee- hooves out of bed and pushed myself to the floor...and fell flat on my face.
“Ow...” I said in my new voice, looking up and being greeted with the legs of my computer desk.. “Right...hooves, four legs now, not two...” I cautiously placed my hooves on the tiled floor, shakily trying to push myself into a standing position. One of my front hooves slid out from underneath me and I fell onto my side, rolling over onto my back with my legs sticking up into the air. I wondered why I wasn’t totally freaking out right now. I guess I’ve always been an open minded sort of person, so something like this happening to me probably would take a while to register completely.
One sigh and another attempt later, I had managed to push myself up into a shaky standing position, my eyes narrowing in determination. After a while, I was able to steady myself on four hooves and I cheered for myself. The cheer was instantly silenced as I realized just what it was that I was cheering for. Standing. Zachary you rock! Woo hoo. Sarcasm, of course. it helps to calm my nerves down as I take a deep breath.
Okay, learn how to stand. I can strike that off my mental ‘to-do list’. Next on the agenda.... I tentatively placed a hoof forward, immediately bringing it back once I felt my balance beginning to wane. “Ugh... c’mon Zack, the more time you waste doing this, the more time you’re taking away from yourself in figuring out what happened...” Talking to yourself usually isn't a good sign, but in this type of situation I’ll take all the motivational talks I can get.
I thought about my dog, how did he move on four legs? I slowly picked up my right front hoof and placed it forward, moving my back left hoof at the same time. I didn't immediately lose balance again, so that was a good sign. I tested out the stance, placing my weight on these two as I tried the same motion with my remaining two hooves. It seemed to work. I was now one hoof’s pace away from where I was mere seconds ago.
See? Progress. Feeling optimistic, I began to throw myself into a trot, only to face plant once more. Slow it down, tiger.
“Shut up...”
Talking to voices in your head? Tsk, tsk. I gritted my teeth. It was then that I realized I didn't have any canines. Everything is pointing to pony. Haven’t reached that conclusion yet. One thing at a time.
I spent the next hour or so trying to teach myself the basic walking movement. Keep in mind that my room isn't that big, and about 50% of it is taken up by my computer setup alone, so I didn't have much room to practice in, but I made it work.
Confident in my walking/trotting abilities, I looked towards my room door.
Wait.
Door.
Fuck.
How was I going to grab the doorknob with hooves? Walking up to the door, I realized just how small I had become. As opposed to my previous 5 foot 10 inch height, I now stood at maybe 2 feet/two and a half feet as I stared at the bottom portion of the door, where my eyes reached. I frowned, looking up at the door knob. It just stayed there, maddeningly out of reach as if mocking me. I’m sure after it was done with me it was going to get all of it’s door friends and point and laugh at my situation. Doors don’t have friends Zack. I pushed the thought out of my mind before contemplating how best to tackle this. I could probably reach the doorknob if I reared up on my back hooves and braced myself against the door. Testing this out, I slowly put my thoughts into action. Okay, easy enough-
My back hooves slid out from underneath of me and I hit the floor for the third time that day so far, my plot sticking up in the air. Goddamnit. I cursed my dad’s decision to get tile floors. If I hadn't broken SOME bone in my face it would be a miracle.
I tried again, placing my back hooves a little more underneath of me so they wouldn't slide out again as easily. Very carefully, I gripped the doorknob between my forelegs and turned, my body turning with the motion. I heard the click of the doorknob opening and I grinned like a little filly. It was a pull, so I slowly started backing up, keeping the door knob locked firmly between my forelegs as I did. Before long, the door was in its full opening position and I stood in the now open doorway, a massive smile upon my face. Achievement unlocked: Open a door. 5 gamerscore. I frowned. Being a gamer offers few options for motivation.
I stuck my head out from my room, glancing both ways. The door to my father and his girlfriend’s room was shut, and the dogs were locked up in their cages. Good. I began to trot across the hallway to my bathroom. clip, clop, clip, clop I froze. That was too loud. I listened for a sound indicating that I had woken anyone up, but I didn't hear anything except for the dogs whining a bit. I continued a bit more quietly into the bathroom, glaring up at the high counter top as I entered. Man, was everything in this house an insult to small peopl- ponies?!
I reared up on my back legs again, propping my forelegs on the countertop as I pulled as much of me up as I could. Dark green eyes stared back at me from the mirror. A cyan mane...MY cyan mane I guess, was perched atop my head between two pony ears. The mane was somewhat messy, and hung down along my neck and rested on my back. Behind me, I noticed two feathery turquoise wings, and my entire body was covered in dark turquoise fur.
Yep, I had become a pony.
...Guess this was going to be one of those days.
One Hoof In Front of the Other
“I’ll never have fingers again!”
Would you calm down?!
“I’ll be three feet tall for the rest of my life!”
If you would stop to think for a second-
“Oh my Celestia...I can never eat meat again!”
Oh for the love of pete....
“MY LIFE IS RUIIIINNNNNNEEEEED!!!!!”
*sigh*....
Long story short, my resolve to not panic pretty much shattered the instant I caught a look at my equine self in the mirror. Now I was sitting on my toilet, ranting about things I’d never be able to do again. In hindsight, it was not one of my better moments.
Are you done now? I sniffed. Freaking out aside, there was some part of me that was somewhat expecting this. I’m not exactly the most up-to-date brony in the world, but I had heard about people turning into ponies from the show. They had been talking about the people-turned-ponies needing to meet up somewhere, if I recalled correctly.
“Okay...I need to find out what’s going on.” I said to no one in particular as I jumped down from the toilet seat and began to trot my way across the hallway to my room once more. Thankfully, my episode a few minutes ago wasn’t as loud as I had thought.
Entering my room again and closing the door so it was open only a crack, I did what any self-respecting brony in my situation would do: I got on the internet. I hoisted my new body up into the computer chair, attempting to sit as I had seen a certain mare in the show do. Unfortunately, this just proved to be unbelievably uncomfortable, so I settled for sitting as other ponies did, albeit with a heavy heart.
I opened my laptop with relative ease, then stared hard at my keyboard. How was I going to do this? The computer screen was prompting me for a password. I carefully placed a hoof on the first character of my password, two characters came up on the bar. I sighed, leaning back in my chair as I thought this over. I brightened up suddenly, yanking out one of the side drawers on my desk with my mouth, then rummaging through the random junk until I got what I was looking for. With an enthusiastic “Huzzah!” that even Luna would be proud of, I held up a ball point pen. I didn’t even stop to consider how I was holding said pen with my hoof when I placed the back end in my mouth, doing a sort of search and peck method on the keyboard. Before long the password screen faded to black and my desktop came up, a picture of Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash stargazing under a blossom tree.
First, extenuating circumstances temporarily forgotten, I decided to check up on a fanfiction site. I moved my mouse with my hoof, starting up google chrome. There wasn't much to take note of, a few favorites, a like for my most recent story, and a follow. Content with what I saw there, I went to Equestria Daily. There was a page dedicated specifically to the ponification rapidly spreading across the globe. I scanned over the page, seeing a few things that made me cringe. Fluttershy had gotten shot, Discord had attempted to persuade Chrysalis to his side, and apparently there was a pony hate group called P.A.P.A. (People Against Ponies Association) Many people on EQD were expressing their outrage to form such a group, and I couldn't agree more. Not because I was a pony and they would probably try to kill me too, mind you, but because I simply saw no end to humanity’s ignorance sometimes. I don’t see who in their right mind would attempt to bring harm to people who are already lost and confused enough as it is.
“...Like me.” I sighed and slumped back into my chair. I could hear my phone ringing, but I ignored it. I glanced down at the time on the bottom right hand corner of my screen. “10:30 am...” I mumbled to myself. I had been a pony for well over an hour and a half, and thus far I had accomplished nothing.
One step at a time. Before you can help others, you have to help yourself. I nodded, and decided to look over the page a bit more.
There was a video on the page where Lauren Faust, who had become Princess bucking Celestia, held a press conference and told that whoever had become the elements to start making their way towards New York.
“So that’s the plan?” I wondered aloud, arcing an eyebrow. “Discord rips a hole in an interdimensional wall and we’re just supposed to all go to new York and hope everything works out for the best?”
You’re not giving her enough credit. She IS Princess Celestia, maybe the princess knows something we don’t? So did that mean the princess was still around, despite Lauren just talking a few minutes ago? The very concept made my brain hurt, and I decided not to think about it too much anymore. I placed my forehead upon the desk in front of me, trying to think about what I should do. I wasn’t helping anyone or doing anything while remaining here, and I was almost certain I’d find answers if I started travelling to New York but.... A loud growl interrupted my thoughts, and I opened my eyes staring down at my stomach. It groaned in protest.
“Ah great...” I sighed. I might as well get some food first, I tend to think better when I have a full stomach.
I slid from my seat and decided to step quietly on the carpet we had laid out across the floor. Hooves were rather loud and I didn’t want to wake anyone up and send them into shock or something. Celestia only knows what my father would do. My father didn’t know I was a brony because, to be perfectly honest I hadn’t worked up the courage to tell him. I didn’t really think that he would take a liking to his 21 year old son being into a ‘show with girly ponies in it’. Anyways, as I rounded the corner I was met with a series of loud barks, courtesy of the dogs caged up in the kitchen. I held a hoof to my mouth. “Shhhhh!!” I insisted, but they insisted on barking. I was going to rush back to my room and feign sickness when I noticed a piece of paper sticking out over the counter. rearing up on my hind legs to grab it with my teeth, I let it fall to the floor and began to read it.
Son, had an emergency work order today and had to leave early. Please let the dogs outside when you wake up.
-Dad
“Well that’s convenient.” I said to no one in particular. My father being gone meant that no one was in the house with me, and the dogs could piss their cages for all I cared, they were NOT getting out to make me into their personal chew toy. Fluttershy would be dissapoint, but I figured leaving an animal in its cage to be tended to in a few hours versus releasing it and risking bodily harm, possible fatal ‘playing’, was a sensible conclusion. Gripping the refrigerator door handle with my hooves, I backpedaled and opened it slowly. Walking to the now-opened fridge, I quickly glanced over what was available. “Pasta, no...leftover mac and cheese no...” I spent several more minutes looking over everything before irritably kicking the fridge closed. Nothing in the fridge that my new Equine body would accept was available. However, before I left, something caught my eye. A bundle of bright yellow bananas, sitting at the top of the fridge. My eyes grew wide as I approached the yellow goodness...only to plow face first into the fridge. I rubbed my muzzle, looking up at the out-of-reach bananas. “Now how am I going to do that?” I wondered aloud, flapping my wings in thought.
….Wait. I glanced at my back. Wings! Duh! I eyed the bananas again before flapping my wings experimentally. It felt weird doing it, I felt like I should be moving my shoulder blades rather than a pair of turquoise feathered wings. They were there though, and I was gonna take the chance and go for it. I crouched down low, flapping my wings at the same time I jump-
“W-w-w-wwoooaahhh!” Everything that was loose around the kitchen simultaneously fell out of place as a strong gust of wind blew through the house, lifting me straight up into the air. I sailed straight past the bananas, banging my head against the ceiling before crashing unceremoniously back onto the tiled floor. My vision swam as I saw doubles of everything. How had I NOT blacked out? Were pegasi built to be able to withstand crashes like that?! I felt so light and hollow, it was hard to believe that-
I felt something smack me on the top of my head, sending another wave of pain through my skull. I swayed for a minute, darkness consuming my vision as I fell to the floor.
The sound of the dogs barking again woke me up, and I quickly shot up into a sitting position.
Well done. A little over an hour into your pony form and you managed to knock yourself out with a bundle of bananas. Bravo. I glanced down. Sure enough, the bananas that were atop the fridge were sitting next to me. Seriously, that’s what knocked me out? I repressed an embarrassed sigh before grabbing the bundle with my teeth, making my way back to my room. I had left my laptop open, so I simply hoisted myself up back into my chair. Upon seating myself again, I stole a glance at my calendar. Wagnesday, Halloween-
...Wagnesday? I looked at my calendar again. Some of the days preceding it were also wacky. Marsday, Thorsday...what was going on? I opened up Equestria Daily again. Sure enough, Discord had managed to stretch a week into an entire year. Despite how silly-sounding the names were, a lot of people were just plain annoyed by it. I stole a glance back at my clock. 11:20 am...I hadn’t been out that long. I fell back into my chair, tearing a banana off of the bunch with my teeth before staring at it in my hoof. There was a way to open these that didn’t involve pulling the stem back...what was it?
I gripped the non-stem end of the banana between my teeth and applied pressure. It gave and the banana casing split open. I eagerly peeled the rest away before nomming happily, my pony stomach thankful for the small amount of sustenance. Satisfied, I leaned back in my chair and began to contemplate. I wasn’t doing anyone any favors by staying here, but it was hard to leave a place you’ve come to know as home. I looked around my room. I never really decorated it, my main interest is gaming and I didn’t even have any gaming posters up. Looking at the barren white walls, I began to realize that I wasn’t really leaving anything behind, if I did go. It was a sad thought but...nothing bad would probably come about from me just...up and leaving. I stared back at the screen, looking at all the events that had transpired. Fluttershy getting shot, other ponies getting attacked, Discord wreaking chaos all around the world... and I had the audacity to stay where I was comfortable? I crossed my forelegs and closed my eyes, deep in thought. If I was going to go to New York, I would need to prepare. Clothes, bathroom necessities and the like. If I was going to make it out of here before my dad make it back home, I wasn’t going to have the time to pack that stuff. So I would pack only the most basic necessities.
That said, on the way out I grabbed my laptop, my phone, my photo ID, my wallet which contained roughly 675 dollars that I earned from my short career in the Air Force, a toothbrush, some toothpaste-
Brush Brush Brush Brush Brush Brush Brush Brush~ I pushed a certain song out of my mind and I grabbed my car keys too. Throwing all of this into my backpack, save for my car keys which I held in my teeth, I quickly jotted down a note for my father using my mouth (which is NOT AS EASY AS IT SOUNDS).
Dad,
Something’s come up and I have to go. The pony thing we saw on the news has happened to me too, and I’m going to do what I can to help fix it. I’ll keep in touch.
-Zachary
I felt a sense of remorse while writing this, one because I didn’t actually know if I was going to see him again, and two because I was leaving without much of an explanation. I sighed and picked up my car keys again, opening the front door, which thankfully had a handle, I kicked it closed behind me and happily trotted out towards my car. I opened my car door, which thankfully also had a handle, and threw my backpack into the back seat before climbing into the front seat of my Dodge Neon, reaching my hooves for the pedals.
“Wait...” I said, facehoofing. “PONIES CAN’T DRIVE!!!!”