Sniper and the Ponies.

by TheRocketMan062

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Crossover, Human, Alternate Universe
Length: 1052

I dont know what I'm doin here, but I might as well ave some fun...

The RED Sniper has been transported to Equestria by unknown means. fortunately for Sniper, Celestia has agreed to help him find a way home.
Sniper decides to relax and enjoy the peace and quiet while Celestia works on getting him home.
Like that's going to happen…

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-07-24 17:04:00 UTC

Your muffin me off...

Sniper leaned back in the chariot and gave a contented sigh as he pulled his hat over his face. That sheila Celestia had been very kind to Sniper and had agreed to help him find his way home. Sniper couldn't help but smirk a little when he remembered explaining what his sniper rifle was to Celestia. Naturally, she wanted to confiscate it.

So Sniper had led her on a marry chase all over the palace. After several minutes of chasing him Celestia finally backed him into a corner and picked him up off the ground with her magic. She tried to look serious, but the fact that her normally flowing mane was a mess and that she was very nearly cross-eyed and foaming at the mouth made Sniper start laughing at her. Celestia had tried to stare him down, but that only made Sniper laugh harder. Eventually she cracked and started laughing too. The other princess, what was her name...Lunu...Luli...Luna, that was it, Luna, had walked in and seen the two of them rolling on the floor laughing hysterically. She simply said, "What hath been seen cannot be unseen."

Celestia was kind enough to allow Sniper to hold on to his rifle and other gear. After treating him to lunch Celestia had arranged for Sniper to be taken to this little town called Ponyville. He was to stay there while Celestia was working on getting him home. It had taken Celestia a full 5 minutes to convince Sniper that the town really was called Ponyville, and that it was not just some joke. These Ponies were not very creative.

While Sniper did have a bit of goofy fun with the Princess, he had another reason for taking off after Celestia tried to take his rifle. Throughout the chase, Sniper had been absorbing every detail of the palace. When he had glanced over his shoulder, he was taking in the way the Princess ran. When he had run into Guards and other palace staff, he had gauged their facial expressions, their reaction times, everything.

No matter where he was, he would always follow his standards.

Be polite.

Be effecient,

And have a plan to kill everyone I meet.

Sniper was rudely jarred out of his train of thought when the chariot suddenly jerked right. Sniper lifted his hat just in time to see another golden chariot flying by them at high speed. "Bloody pika's!" He yelled after the other chariot, shaking his fist. Sniper grunted and sat back down. "Sorry about that sir." The mare pulling his cart said, looking back at him. "Don't worry bout it, it wasn't your fault." He replied with a dismissive wave of his hand. The mare smiled and looked ahead once more. "You can sleep sir, I'll wake you up when we arrive at Ponyville." Sniper didn't reply, but a nap did sound like a good idea. Sniper leaned back once more, and soon found himself in a deep sleep.

When Sniper came to again, he was dimly aware that the cart wasn't moving anymore. "Sir, were here." Sniper didn't move a muscle. "Sir? Hello?" Sniper didn't want to move, he was perfectly content where he was. He heard the mare sigh. "Alright, you stay here, I'm going to go get a muffin." Sniper heard her retreating footsteps (hoofsteps?). Sniper listened to all the sounds around him. He took in every detail he could without opening his eye's. The sound of the ponies milling about, the smells of the fresh pastries coming from the bakery across the road, the soft thumping of pegasi wings, the whistling sound of something falling out of the sky directly above him...oh dear.

The object struck Sniper right on the noggin, knocking him out of the cart and making stars explode across his vision. "Oh..oh my gosh, I'm so sorry! I just don't know what went wrong!" Sniper picked himself up off the ground muttering curses and brushing the dust off himself. He reached up and touch the top of his head and hissed at the painful response. "That's gonna leave a goose egg..." Sniper grumbled. Sniper felt something latch onto his leg, He looked down to see a light grey mare with teary, brilliant golden (if a bit googly) eyes and bright yellow hair.

"I-im so sorry! I lost my grip and..." Sniper bent down and pulled the crying mare off his leg. "Its water under the bridge sheila." The mare giggled a little. "My names not sheila, its Derpy! Derpy Hooves!" She offered her hoof to shake, which Sniper accepted. "The names Sniper sheil- I mean, Derpy." "Nice to meet you Sniper! I'd love to stay and chat, but I need to pick my daughter up from school!" The mare waved goodbye and took off, and almost immediately collided with a streetlamp. Sniper chuckled and gave her a small wave. He looked down at the brown package laying on the ground and did a double take. "Derpy, wait! You forgot..." But it was too late, the mare had already flown out of sight. Sniper sighed and picked up the package. He would deliver it himself, no need for Derpy to get in trouble for a undelivered package.

Sniper heard hoofsteps from behind him and turned around. The white mare who had pulled his chariot had returned, toting a brown bag in her mouth. She dropped the bag at his feet and pulled out two muffins, handing one to Sniper and taking one for herself. Sniper quickly downed the muffin. It was pretty good, maybe one of the best he had eaten in a long time.  "Thanks...uh...what was your name again?" "Snow-Storm." She responded with a light laugh. Sniper rolled his eyes. I cant believe some of the names they give things and peopl- er...ponies here... he thought.

Sniper heard an odd sound and turned around. Another chariot was quickly approaching. It landed smoothly, and came to a rest right in front of Sniper and Snow-Storm. A lavender mare hopped out of the back, followed by a purple lizard. Sniper's eyes widened when he looked at the little reptile. It caught his gaze. "What are you staring at, do I have a smudge on my scale's?" Sniper could only point with a shaky hand and mutter...

"Barny?"