Suck it up, Dashie!

by RIPTID3

Rating: everyone
Tags: Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Random, Human, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 2567

Ponies and vacuums. Not exactly the best combination. Well, for ponies that is.

[Second Person Narrative] [Features ponies and Vacuums]

You're trying to tidy up your mess of a house. Unfortunately for you, a certain multi coloured friend of yours is in the way of that.

Just a small one shot fic to brush up on my skills. Written for the fun of it with no real explanation to anything.

Published 2013-09-06 18:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-09-06 18:00:02 UTC

Suck it up, Dashie!

*Boom*

The sound of a thunderclap rolling across the hills hit your ears, the pitter patter of raindrops splashing against your humble abode was very audible, the rain outside was only getting worse, and it didn't look like it was going to stop anytime soon. There was little to nothing that you could do, you've only just finished the Epilogue of Hitman: Absolution, all the other games didn't quite catch your interest.

You sat on your chair, flipping through channels hoping to find something of interest, anything that could keep you occupied for the next hour or so. After about 10 minutes of searching, you came out with three choices. It was either Pawn Stars, some weird Japanese game show or a documentary about aliens.

You decided to leave the channel running on Pawn Stars. The noise from the TV at least made you feel less lonely, even if said sounds were just Rick trying to convince some guy to sell some antique for like, five dollars. You looked around the house, by no means was it a bad house, it was a snug, double storied house, not too different from the others that littered the neighborhood.

But ah not so fast, your house had something special, something that made it stand out above the rest.

More specifically, someone.

"Incoming!" A voice echoed from upstairs.

Less than a second after that call hit your ears, a cyan blue form dive-bombed onto your lap. You promptly snapped in half as pain shot through your right thigh, the feeling was as if a pitching machine had shot you in full speed. It quickly subsided just as quickly as it came.

"Godammit Dashie, that hurts." You grunted.

As you took your eyes off your probably bruised lap, you focused on the being that was responsible for inflicting said pain. A small cyan blue horse like creature that also possessed a vibrant rainbow mane, it was around the size of a full grown Doberman. The creature was undoubtedly female judging from the eyelashes and mane style, a pair of saucer panned magenta eyes were locked onto you.

"Whoops. My bad." Rainbow Dash chuckled.

"That's the third time this week, and it's only Tuesday! Keep this up and I might have to get it amputated." You said.

You got up from your seat as Rainbow Dash leaped off your lap and onto the ground. Her hooves elicited a *clop* upon making impact with the wooded tiled floor, as you arose from your throne, you popped your spine and cracked your knuckles. Something you always did after remaining immobile for a long period of time. You stared at your feet and found Rainbow Dash looking back up at you, her large magenta eyes only made looking at her all the more adorable.

You thought back to the day when you had found Rainbow Dash. It was a rainy night, almost like this one, except the rain was much heavier. You were in the midst of driving back from work when suddenly, a bolt of lightning struck, this one however was much more brighter than the others, that and the fact that it was multi-colored, caught your attention, forcing you to ponder over exactly how bad the pollution has to be for the sky to start shooting rainbow lightning bolts.

Before you know it, you had stopped the car to stare at the sky in hopes of finding an answer to the strange weather occurrence that had taken place not too long ago. Your answer came back in the form of Rainbow Dash falling from the sky and landing square on the hood of your car, leaving a huge dent in the process. But you were too busy having a panic attack to notice a thing. But, you eventually noticed that your hood was definitely out of shape.

Thanks to your lack of knowledge on basic mechanics however, you ignored this crucial fact, assuming that it was merely cosmetic and tossed the mare into your car and sped to the closest vet, thinking that it required medical assistance immediately after taking such a nasty fall, what you didn't know was that the hood has been dented so bad that the engine had been damaged in the process. Your attempt to do noble justice, backfired, literally, when your beat up 180SX started smoking, forcing you to pull over. Not long after that, the car erupted into flames. Meaning that your only mode of transportation was now gone and that you now only had your legs to carry you, and the mare, home.

And so, with your mind clouded with so many curses and swears that would make even Michael "Rage Quit" Jones gasp, you used the scarce amount of energy you had left to haul the mysterious creature back home. Why home? Simply because you were already miserable enough losing your car and having to walk in the rain and simply couldn't be arsed to walk that extra few miles to the vet and back home. You were also confident that should you have chosen to go to the vet, they would've called the military to report your newfound friend as an alien or something of the sort.

So after what seemed like hours, you arrived at the doorstep of your home, with every muscle in your body aching you breathed a sigh of relief, Chariots of Fire started playing in your head as you had overcome the odds, the harsh weather, the lack of transportation, combined with the deadweight you had to haul, truly felt like an accomplishment worthy of immortality.

That all stopped however when you reached into your pocket and with horrible realization that you had left your keys back in the car. The car which was now burnt to a crisp and a thousand miles away.

Ah, memories.

"Hey, I'm bored. Do we have any Skittles? I could use some Skittles." Rainbow Dash stated as she walked towards the kitchen.

When you had first took her in, you had automatically assumed that as soon as she woke up, she was going to scamper into a corner, shiver and cry whilst you tried to lure her out with some sort of treat.

Your assumptions, were wrong. Very, very wrong.

Instead, she had woken up, flown straight towards you, grabbed you by the shirt, and demanded you to inform her on her whereabouts. You were far too panicked to notice the fact that she was speaking fluent English instead of the expected neighs and whinnies.

Eventually she had calmed down, and then she started to cry after finding out that she was probably stuck here forever (though she never did admit to crying and claimed that her eyes hurt instead). She fell asleep not long after that, the next few days were rough, for both you and her, but eventually the both of you managed to get used to living with each other. From her stupid stunts to your monotonous life, you both accepted the fact that you depended on each other.

Okay, actually, she depended on you, but whatever.

You gazed around the room. There honestly wasn't too much to do, the internet at your place was down for a week or two, you COULD play the PS3, but there wasn't much to play, GTA 4 did get a little repetitive after a while. So out of boredom, you started walking towards the store room, where you tucked away most of your cleaning materials. Everything from the broom to the machete.

You face the wooden door and promptly put your hand on the knob, twisted and pulled the door open.
You were greeted with your various tools that helped kept the hygiene in the house. You reached in and grabbed a red vacuum, ripping off a cobweb or two in the process. As you dragged it out, the power chord got caught on some other lost tools and yanked them loose.

As you proceeded to walk out of the small room and close the door. You heard the sound of your various belongings crashing down into the floor, the sound of wood splintering and metal crashing into the marble tiles below. You breathed a sigh of frustration, instead of turning around to clean up the mess however, you only continued to walk away.

"Who?! What?! Where?!" Rainbow Dash said as she rushed into the living room, a Skittle or two had fallen off her and rolled across the living room upon her entry.

You paid this no attention as you looked for a plug for the power chord of the vacuum.

"What was that?!" Rainbow Dash asked

"It's nothing Rainbow." You replied nonchalantly.

"No ninjas?"

"No."

"Serial Killer?"

"No."

"Aliens?"

"No."

"Pft. Boring."

"You've been watching waaaaaay too many action flicks."

"What? Can't hurt to be a little cultured."

"You wouldn't know culture even if it bumped you in the noggin."

"Pft I AM culture."

"I should have never told you."

During Rainbow's stay here, she had been aware of the fact that she was supposedly a fictional character, in a show that was supposedly made for little girls, but consisted of mostly young adults as it's audience. At first she was creeped out, but slowly and gradually, she accepted the fact that she was practically a celebrity here. Ironically enough, you've never watched a single episode of the show.

You walked around the house looking for somewhere to plug in the vacuum, you found a plug not too far away from the. You plugged it in and made sure it was secure before turning your attention to the vacuum and turning the switch on. The vacuum whirred to life and had already began sucking up the nearby dust that inhabited the floor. Rainbow Dash had noticed said vacuum and cautiously watched it as you cleaned the house.

"What? Never seen a vacuum before?" You asked the pony.

"What's a vacuum?" She replied.

"It's basically a Roomba, but you have to operate it yourself."

"Why not use the Roomba?"

You sighed, hung your head and stopped vacuuming for a brief moment to explain to Rainbow Dash exactly why you weren't using your automated robot vacuum.

"Because, a certain SOMEONE decided it would be funny to make Roomba suck up a centipede alongside the Skittles which were used to pelt said centipede.." You said, turning your head to glare at the 'someone' you were referring to.

Rainbow Dash gave a sheepish smile and hid behind the kitchen counter.

"I mean seriously?" You asked

"Hey! It's not my fault!" She replied

"Wh-Wa-How is it not your fault?!"

"I didn't know what to do! I didn't even know what it was."

"The Skittles?"

"Self-defence."

"Can't you just fly?"

"And what was I supposed to do? Let it out of my sight?"

"I swear to god, you're afraid of centipedes?"

"No! It looked like it was up to something."

"I swear to god..."

Seeing that your attempts at trying to make her see her wrong doings was futile, you only continued to vacuum the house, out of the corner of your eye you could see her peeking out of the corner of the kitchen, glaring at the vacuum.

"I don't trust that thing." Rainbow Dash said

As those words hit your ears, you could feel the slightest hint of a grin tugging at the edge of your lips as a rather cruel form of enjoyment started piecing itself together in your mind. As you continued vacuuming, you suddenly did a hundred-and-eighty degree turn and started vacuuming your way towards the kitchen while Rainbow Dash only continued to watch, the fear in her eyes slowly getting much more noticeable as the vacuum continued to cover ground and make it's way towards the kitchen.

As you entered the kitchen, you could see Rainbow Dash trying to hide from you under the table, her rainbow tail was stuck out from under the table. You chuckled to yourself and pushed the vacuum towards the table, making contact with the multi hued tail sticking out of it.

She promptly leaped up and banged her head, she scampered out from beneath the table and into the living room in an attempt to escape. You chuckled to yourself before turning around and heading towards the living room to pursue your target.

"This beats watching TV any day." You said to yourself.

As you walked into the living room, the first thing that greeted your eyes was a scared cyan blue pegasus hiding in a corner. Cowering under her hooves in an attempt to shield her self from her attacker.

"C'mon Dashie it's just a vacuum." You said playfully

"Whatever it is just get it away from me!" she said defiantly.

You walked over, dragging your vacuum with you. You slowly teased Rainbow Dash, inching the vacuum towards her and then pulling back just before it touched her, you continued to do this as she struggled to find some space to hide.

"Stop that!" She said

"Serves you right for messing with Roomba." You replied

"I'm sorrrrryyyyyyyy!"

You gradually moved the vacuum closer towards her, slowly decreasing the free space she possessed. It got so small that she could only stand on three hooves, with her only free hoof used to swat at the device that was torturing her. You were having way too much fun to stop.

"Go awaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!" She groaned

With one thrust, you pushed the vacuum into her, the pony responded by flying upwards out of the corner and onto the sofa where she pouted at you, her tormentor. You on the other hand, were too busy doubled over laughing to notice her discontent with you.

"This isn't funny!" Rainbow Dash exclaimed.

"Yea it is." You replied.

As you wipe the tear that was leaking from your eye, she promptly attempts to spit on your vacuum, the wad of phlegm and saliva proceeds to land on the floor instead of on the vacuum, which was still bad. It's not like it looked better on the floor.

"Now that's just rude." You said in a mocking tone.

"I don't care. Just, stop." she humphed.

You then proceeded to push the vacuum closer and closer to her. She could have just flown, maybe she was frozen in terror? You didn't care, as long as she stayed in place, you questioned nothing. Just as the device was about an inch or two away from Rainbow Dash, you stopped pushing it and glanced up to face the equine.

"It's gonna get ya'." You chuckled.

"GO AWAY!" she replied

You thrust your "weapon" forward, and for like, a millisecond you burst out laughing to yourself mentally. That joy quickly subsided however as the sound of silence fills the air. You were confused, did you knock the vacuum too hard perhaps? Did the batteries go out? You looked at the wire connected to the machine and trace it back to the power outlet.

It was unplugged.

Rainbow Dash peeked from her hooves, the absence of the vacuum's whirring sound and the panicked look on your face confirmed her suspicion. The machine, was no longer functional, which left nothing between her and revenge.

"I'm so dead aren't I?" You said.

"Pretty much."

Before you even had the chance to turn around, you saw a flash of cyan blue slam into you.

The End