The Ultimate Quest for the Best Thing Ever
On the outskirts of the Everfree Forest, right near the edge of the small town of Ponyville, two changelings skulked around in the bushes.
One of them was much like your standard, everyday male changeling: horn, fangs, blue, bug-like eyes, holes in his legs, black coat, a small tail and perhaps a little bit scrawny. The other one wasn’t as standard: very tall, a long, crooked horn, green, serpentine eyes, dark blue mane and tail, a green carapace and a little black crown on her head. In fact, she was none other than Queen Chrysalis. Oddly enough, both changelings were wearing a set of saddlebags.
“Your Highness,” the smaller changeling said as he poked his head out of the bushes, “forgive me for my rudeness, but you still haven’t told me what we’re doing here.”
“Like I said, I’ll tell you later, #4,” Queen Chrysalis said, peering out at the little town. “It’s already bad enough that I had to collect the necessary tools for you to join me.” She grumbled and sighed. “Teaches me to never have my subjects have the last word when it comes to needing ‘additional protection’. Who do they think I am?”
“The queen who failed to defeat a bunch of ponies during a wedding?” #4 said.
“Don’t remind me,” Chrysalis said, recalling the rather painful memory. She felt so powerful after flooring one of those pony princesses, too. But that would never happen again. Today, she would remedy that situation. She valiantly jumped out of the bushes, saying, “We are here, in Ponyville, to turn our rotten luck around! After careful research, I have established that this is the place where we will reobtain our glory!”
4 meekly stepped out of the bushes. “But why do we need saddlebags for that?”
“It’s not about the saddlebags,” Chrysalis said. “It’s about what’s in them.” Just thinking about it made her want to laugh in the most evil of ways. So she did, building from a slightly evil chuckle to full-blown mad laughter.
Out of politeness, and a strong desire to not be obliterated by his queen, #4 awkwardly chuckled with her. After the queen’s laughter died down, he said, “So, what’s the plan?”
Chrysalis started pacing back and forth. “Since this scheme is of utmost importance, I, and only I can know all the details. The only thing I require from you is to follow my lead, act in character and don’t. Screw. Up.” She quit pacing and gave her subject a curious glance. “First, I will need you to disguise yourself. I suggest a unicorn.”
“Uh, okay. As you wish,” #4 said, raising an eyebrow. Green flames whirled around his body for a second, changing him into a unicorn stallion. One with a pink coat, a short, red mane and tail, dark green eyes and a cutie mark of three twinkling stars.
“Pink?” Chrysalis asked, raising an eyebrow. “Well, whatever strolls your holes.” She wrapped herself in flames as well, appearing a second later as a yellow unicorn mare with a purple mane and tail, blue eyes and a cutie mark of a green gem. “Now then, let’s get this over with.”
Chrysalis walked into Ponyville, #4 following shortly after her. “First order of business: reach the marketplace. It is there where I will enact my plan.” She threw a look over her shoulder. “Follow closely and—” She stopped. “What are you doing?”
Behind her, #4 was jumping from hiding place to hiding place, occasionally peeking out to check if the coast was clear. Every once in a while, a pony passing by would give him a very strange look, only to continue walking like nothing happened, rolling their eyes.
4 jumped out of his hiding place and rolled over the ground, hiding in a bush next to his queen. “Since this is a mission of great importance, I’m simply keeping an eye out for you, highness. In the sneaky way. If you get found out, they will never see me coming, and will be so surprised we can easily hightail it out of here!”
Chrysalis rolled her eyes and pulled #4 out of his hiding place with her telekinesis, levitating him in front of her. “I asked you to act in character. I don’t think jumping from bush to bush is very pony-like.”
“Um, maybe it is, for some ponies?” #4 gave an awkward grin and shrugged.
Chrysalis slapped herself in the face with a hoof and let go of #4, dropping him on the ground with his rump. “Just... just follow me and try not to attract attention.” With a sigh, she added, “Why did I even pick you when I had to choose a personal guard?”
4 quickly collected himself. “Why, because I’m your most loyal subject, of course! I have honed my skills for years so that one day, I could assist you personally, Your Highness. And I have to say, it is such a great honour to accompany you on this highly important quest...”
While #4 blabbered on about how great he was and what an honour this was, Chrysalis tried to remember the day she had to pick her guard. If she remembered correctly, she was incredibly bored that day and had no time for the silly demands of her subjects, so she just picked a changeling at random. If memory serves, #4 was very busy picking his nose at that point.
“Yes, yes, blah blah,” Chrysalis said, brushing past #4 on her way to the marketplace. “Come on. We don’t have much time.” To be perfectly honest, they actually had all the time in the world, but even thinking about her sweet, sweet prize made the changeling queen happy. Soon, her past humiliations would be gone!
It didn’t take very long for the two of them to reach the marketplace. There were many, many stands there, each selling something unique. One sold cherries, another pickles, yet another tomatoes, and so on. One particular stand had a very strange sign: ‘Evil plans for sale! Exterminate your enemies, today!’ Behind the counter was a very seedy-looking stallion, wreathed in the shadows cast upon him by the little tent he stored his wares in.
4 pointed at said stand. “Evil plans? That’s what you’re looking for, right?” He neared the vendor, the pony behind the counter muttering something in a very deep, evil tone of voice. So evil, in fact, that he was completely intelligible. #4 tried looking at the respectable entrepreneur's inventory, but the incredibly dark shadows made it impossible to see further than the counter.
Using her telekinesis again, Chrysalis pulled him away. “No, we are not looking for evil plans. Not now, at least.” Though very handy, it was not what she was looking for in the slightest.
As the two disguised changelings walked away, the stand owner cleared his throat. “Ugh. Had that stuck in my throat all day.” He pulled on a cord, neatly illuminating the stand with an overhead light. He grabbed a nearby paint brush and finished his sign. ‘Weevil plans for sale! Exterminate your enemies, today!’
Satisfied, the pony took a step back. “Great day to open my bug exterminating business! Too bad those two ponies didn’t want to buy one of my plans.”
Meanwhile, Queen Chrysalis and #4 were still looking for their goal. “Your Highness, if you don’t mind me asking...” #4 carefully skulked behind his queen. “If we’re not looking for evil plans, then what are we looking for?”
“You’ll see,” Chrysalis said. “It’s bound to appear any second now.”
Then, a pink mare approached them. This pink pony had a very messy, pink mane, blue eyes and three balloons as her cutie mark. “Hiya!”
4 looked at her for a few seconds, blinking sheepishly. He knew this pony from somewhere. He’d probably met her before some time. “Hi!” he said. “You’re—”
Suddenly, his eyes became as big as the largest changeling’s holes and he jumped on Chrysalis’ back, screaming in fright.
“Hello,” Chrysalis said. “Have we met?”
“No,” the pink pony said. “I saw you walking around, and you’re both ponies I don’t know, and if you’re ponies I don’t know, then that means you’re not from Ponyville, which means I’ve never thrown you a party, which means you could really use a party, which means I should throw you a party!”
“Aaaaah!” #4 screamed.
The pink pony raised an eyebrow. “Uh, is your friend okay?”
Casually, Chrysalis glanced at the disguised changeling on her back. “He’s fine.” She looked at the pink pony again. “You don’t have to throw us a party, we’re just passing through. We’ll be out of town in a minute.”
“Awww.” The pink pony stared at the ground and pouted slightly. “Well, good luck!” she said, suddenly becoming overly joyful and skipping away.
“Aaaaah!” #4 still screamed.
With a frustrated grunt, Chrysalis threw him off. “What is wrong with you? You almost blew our cover! You’re lucky that pony is about as intelligent as a nymph’s carapace.”
“B-But that,” #4 said, pointing at the joyfully skipping pony, “that’s one of the bearers of the Elements of Harmony! She handed our holes to us in Canterlot!” He gasped. “You’re not thinking of stealing the Elements, are you?”
“Oooh, I thought she looked familiar,” Chrysalis said. “But no, we’re not here to steal the Elements.” She continued on her way, pushing onward towards her ever-nearing goal.
“Why not?” #4 said, following his queen again. “It’ll be perfect! If we steal their most valuable artifacts, we can use the Elements against them. We’ll win, without a doubt!”
Chrysalis shook her head. “Not a good plan. What do you think I’d do if our most precious artifact was stolen?”
“Um, command some of our most skilled elite to hunt down the thief and make sure they receive the most cruel punishment possible?” #4 mulled over his own answer for a while. “Ah, gotcha. Not the best idea.”
“It seems we’re here,” Chrysalis said. She walked over to a lone cart, looking at a sign right next to it.
4 eagerly went up to the sign, imaging what kind of diabolical, pony-eradicating items this vendor could be selling. Doomsday devices, powerful potions, ice cream, ancient amulets... “Wait, ice cream?!” #4 incredulously stared at the sign. It featured colourful drawings of fruit and the names of many, many different flavours of ice cream.
“What’ll it be, you two?” the cart’s vendor asked. “You’re in luck, I just restocked. Got everything!”
“Well, isn’t that just perfect!” Chrysalis said. She levitated a large sack of bits out of her saddlebag and put it on the cart. “I’ll have one of every flavour.”
While the vendor started scooping the different flavours out of his cart and putting them on a cone, #4 still stared at the sign. “B-Buh... But...” His jaw flapped up and down uselessly a few times as he tried to comprehend his ruler’s inevitable, incredibly complex reasons for this. “Ice cream?!” he repeated.
“Yes,” Chrysalis said. “Why else would we take a sack of bits with us? Now hurry up and order.”
4 turned to the vendor. “I-I’ll...” He looked at the sign again. “I’ll have one of everything, too,” he said, putting a sack of bits on the cart as well.
“Alright, that’s another one of everything,” the vendor said, finishing up Chrysalis’ cone and giving her the gargantuan tower of frozen delight, then starting on #4’s order.
Chrysalis levitated the ice cream to her mouth and started eating, patiently waiting for #4 to receive his cone. Once he had it secured as safely as possible in his telekinetic grip, Chrysalis turned around and headed back the way they came.
“So... This is it?” #4 asked in between licks. “This is why we came to Ponyville? This is your incredibly devious and important scheme to recover from our loss at Canterlot?”
“Yes, this is it,” Chrysalis said. “Why? Do you not enjoy the sweet taste?”
4 stared at his cone for a while. The enormous stack wobbled dangerously. “Y-Yes, of course, I just... I expected something different.”
“Are you saying ice cream isn’t the best way to feel better after something went wrong?” Chrysalis asked.
“N-No,” #4 said. Though it did seem very, very silly. “I didn’t think you would enjoy ice cream, Your Highness.”
“Of course I do!” Chrysalis said. “It’s ice cream! Who doesn’t love ice cream? It’d be so much easier if changelings were ice cream, because all ponies love it!”
4 licked his ice cream again. Yeah, what the queen said made sense. Except that last part. “I guess— Uh, of course you’re right, Your Highness. And thank you for arranging a bag of bits for me as well.”
“Consider yourself lucky,” Chrysalis said. “I am not often generous. Although...” She looked at her ice cream cone for a second, then at #4. “I think I can get used to you following me around.”
“Thank you, Your Highness!” #4 nearly shouted out of excitement.
“Well then,” Chrysalis said. “I believe we should head back to the hive. We have a new invasion to plan.” She took a lick of her ice cream again. “Mmm, but not before finishing this. I do so love the taste of chocolate.”
4 chuckled. “Really? I’m more of a fan of strawberry.”
“Strawberry?!” Chrysalis exclaimed, sticking out her tongue and glaring at her subject. “You’re fired.”
4 stared at the ground and pouted. “Awww.”
