The Royal Discordian-Swarm Wedding.

by overlord-flinx

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Discord, Slice of Life, Alternate Universe, Main 6, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Queen Chrysalis, Romance
Length: 1643

Ponies, assorted whatevers, We're gathered here today... For the most insane and explosive wedding you have ever seen! Know Your Mare crunched up into one single blown-out wedding!

Ponies, assorted whatevers, We're gathered here today... For the most insane and explosive wedding you have ever seen.

Know Your Mare-universe is taken to it's greatest and final chapter, the wedding of Chrysalis and Discord. OCs welcomed and canon allowed, there is no holds in this pit of uncontrolled craziness.

Published 2013-07-28 09:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2014-01-02 21:57:40 UTC

Part One: Wedding Bells Go--BANG!

"Wwwwwwwelcome one and all to beautiful Haywaii! It's currently a nice, hot ninety degrees with a cool wind blowing in from the south. Perfect weather for hoof-gliding, surfing, or even a wedding!" the entire plane was nearly knocked out of the sky as every seat inside jumped and cheered from the happy fliers. The attendant stumbled for her mic and gave a nervous laugh, holding onto a nearby pole for dear life, "B-By your cheers, I can tell you're all here for a wedding. Heh-heh. Great. I'm sure it's going to be just the best. We'll be landing in about ten minutes and be unloading in twenty. Bare with us, you all had a lot of luggage," yet again, the plain thumped and shook as the crowded plane was filled with screaming enjoyment.

Down below upon the tropic island getaway, resort guests and islanders watched as that rickety, run-down plane made for a crash descent into the nearby airport. This island was already abuzz hours -days- before they plane was sighted about the grand festivities that were going to take place any time now. Stages had started to cover a great deal of the sectioned island for 'celebrations'. Whatever was going to happen, one thing was very clear... It was going to be loud, obnoxious, and out of control.

Just the way Discord liked it.

Upon arrival to the airport lobby, the guests were gestured to a massive board that had instructions made for them.

Our dearest guests,

And you shlubs that snuck aboard the plane,

We welcome you to our wedding grounds. As per your visit, we have rented out the entirety of Haywaii so as not to linger on unwanted guests.

How did we do it? With money. Buckets of money. Money that could make Celestia be a cheep(ier) whore. Swarm empire money, suckers!

Please enjoy your stay until you are summoned at a later hour. Upon the sound of seven bells, you will all be granted entry into the grounds for the ceremony. Granted, if you have your invitation that is.

I don't need an invite because it's my party.

However, we would like to call upon our specially invited guests for a private matter at this time. If you were given a special invite, please show yourself to the parlor at the nearby resort.

That means you 'no-names' can go eat a sandwich since you weren't cool enough to hang with the important ponies.

Until later tonight, we bid you a fond farewell.

Don't drop the soap!

The instructions were... interesting to say the least. But, the point was made well and clear to everyone. Sure enough, those with the special invites went on their way towards the nearby resort; granted, many with skeptical and wry ideas on the whole affair. Entering the parlor of the resort, they were greeted by a red mare with a fair mane situated beside a television. "Aloha," she greeted them, a bright smile coming across her face as the ponies filled the room, "You must be the ones Chrysalis informed me about. I am Fox Trot, of course. And I was told to take count that everypony is here before going further..."

With a swift flash of her horn, a pen stroked from across the room along with a list of names. "Let's see here..." her eyes darted up time and again as she checked names to the faces.

"Six Goody-two-hooves...? Check..." Twilight Sparkle led her friends, as well as every other pony in the room into a hateful groan.

"Three little trouble makers...? Check..."

"One harlot and one starlet...? Check..."

"Two leaders of the pickle rebellion...? Check..."

"A God Among The Meek...? Check..."

"One un-categorized lizard...? Check..."

"Aaaaand... Some pointless noponies that blend into the background...? Check-a-roo..." Putting the list down and looking to the guests, Fox Trot was met with nothing but spite filled eyes and unspoken threats, "...I'm just reading it how it was wrote. So, if that's done, can we move on to the reason you were all brought here?"

"If it means leaving this mediocrity sooner, gladly..." Twilight spoke for the group.

"Alright. Now, her ladyship and his lordship will be FAR too busy to speak to any of you before the ceremony, so they put me -their beautiful and talented wedding adviser- in charge of letting all of you know who will have a roll to play and what it will be," a fairly common practice for any wedding, the crowd nodded with mixed chatters.

Without another word, Fox Trot flicked the TV on and stepped aside, allowing everyone to watch as the screen flickered to the vision of Discord lounging on the beach.

Pssst...

Huh...?

You're on...

I am? OH! I am, aren't I? Well, hello there you lucky foals you. This is a great day for everyone... We have bands performing! And I ordered a raspberry cake. Ah... Anyway, before we do this whole ordeal, I need to have a few ponies do some wedding jobs for me. You know, the whole yadda-yadda. Mostly, I just need a best stallion by my side. Everything else I had already covered before I even got here unlike my bride-to-be.

So, I thought long and hard on this, really... And the only logical choice I could make... was naming Fluttershy my best stallion. Why? Because I'm Discord!

The TV flickered out again and everyone's attention was swiftly shot to Fluttershy and her own shocked expression. "W-W-Well, I, um... I-I guess..." she murmured off to herself, feeling herself shrink into the crowd around her.

"Now, let's move on to Chrysalis..." Fox Trot twitched the videos with a flick of magic and started the next tape.

Much like before, everypony put their attention to the screen, but this time what came to the screen was Chrysalis standing before a fire place; calmness ringing in her expression.

I won't linger upon details or anything of the such. Furthermore, I won't bother you with any other job then my maid-of-honor. For you see, unlike my dolt of a husband-to-be, I have already taken care of my predating plans. That being said, my thoughts were lingering for days on who I would decide upon. Who I would feel the most honor standing beside in this honoring moment of bliss. That is when the idea finally set into me.

The one I have decided upon has been righteous, kind, and an inspiration for me as well as every pony that lives under her. At this moment, I would ask for Princess Cadence to step forward...

A rush of pure shock came to Cadence at those words. Her mind swirled with emotions, but she stepped forward none-the-less. In this moment, Cadence could feel it... Making amends was finally at hand. This was a momentous day indeed for all of Equestria.

Great... Now turn around, bend over and kiss Spike's ass because I pick him!

Everypony in the room gasped at once while Cadence dropped her jaw, dumb-founded. The only one not to gasp was, in fact, Spike; who started laughing and clapping his claws together. "OH MAN! IN YOUR FACE! WOO!" the little drake spun around and lifted his tail up high, using the tip of it to spank against his rear, "You heard her, Cadence. Kiss it!"

Part Two: Not On The List!

The Royal wedding. What an honor for any guard to do their job in protecting for. The prestige, the glory, the respect. Could a guard ask for anything more? Actually, yes... They could ask to guard a REAL royal wedding! But, no. Here Sunshine Smiles and Frolicsome Meadowlark stood tall and imposing at the gates of the wedding they were hell-bent on protecting.with their lives. Even if they didn't fully understand why they were protecting it. Yet, a job was a job.

The two kept their wings tucked at their sides as they stood at opposite sides of the barred entryway. Adorned on both of them were clip boards just below their eyes so they could check names to the guest list. As they waited there for the first guests to arrive, Sunshine Smiles let out a grievous sigh. "Meadowlark?"

"What troubles thee, Sunshine Smiles?"

"I was just--Did you just say 'thee'?" Sunshine gave his partner a curious look.

"We're on duty. I thought a little 'ye olde' was called for..."

Sunshine pondered on that idea for a moment and simply snorted. "I suppose so. Anyway, on with my point of sighing. Do you have any idea why we're here?"

"It's very simple... Princess Luna is our handler and personal leader. Pipsqueak is Princess Luna's most dearest friend. Pipsqueak is the son of the two getting married today. Out of good nature, Princess Luna offered Pipsqueak our services for protecting the wedding. That is why we're here... To protect our lady's friendship," Meadowlark decreed with a stern and steadfast nature about him.

"...So we're a wedding present?"

"Pretty much," they both groaned and slumped against the gate they were protecting. However, they both straightened up and looked lively as they spotted a large cluster of ponies drawing in. "Play it strong, Sunshine Smiles... We're dealing with some strange outsiders today..."

Together, the two gaurds awaited the coming group, ready to accept and turn-away any and everyone that would try to break in. The good name of their princess was on the line. And they would be damned if they let anyone ruin Luna-Pip cookie time by destroying a good faith gift.

Author's Note

Too short? Yes. Why? Because the next chapter has over fifty characters getting introduced, having a length of dialogue each, and the plot of the wedding starting. Don't like it? Kiss Discord's speckled butt. I'll have the next chapter out before the end of the month. See ya!