Chapter 1
‘Princess Luna continues to grow in popularity after the defeat of the Nightmare Forces. It is only a matter of time before Celestia feels threatened and returns her to her lunar prison. Just like she relocated Princess Cadence to the arctic north.’
Princess Luna sighed. “Again? Really sister? Why doth these ‘tabloids’ demonize ye and try to absolve me of my role in these horrid events?”
Celestia drank a cup of coffee and chuckled. “Well, there was the fact a group of lunar monsters appeared with a second Nightmare Moon.”
Luna groaned. “Yes, but the Nightmare Forces could not influence me without me giving into their temptations! Even Rarity doth feel guilt and she was more controlled than I! Did they not notice my attempts at making amends every Nightmare Night?!”
“Calm down Lulu,” the Day Princess replied with a chuckle. “The tabloids tend to do that. When Discord was appear, they even said that he was merely controlled by someone else, some of them claimed it was me. Tabloids thrive on controversy, and if they actually went with what was correct, there wouldn’t be any.”
“I know, Tia, but it tis annoying. And what’s this about us relocating Cadence to the Arctic North! The Crystal Empire serves a vital role to Equestria!…And tis also a fantastic vacation destination. The Equestrian games are even going to be there!”
Celestia chuckled. “They’ve been doing that since Cadence decided to be a diplomat. For some reason the ‘tyrant Celestia’ articles are extremely common. I read them whenever I need a good laugh. I mean really, if I was who they said I am, then the tabloids wouldn‘t even exist to insult me.”
“I suppose I can understand that, it’s jus-”
“BEHOLD CANTERLOT!”
Celestia blinked and headed to the window, looking out to see the Guard in proper defensive position, weapons aimed at what seemed to be an inky black Alicorn with a red energy mane and a Cutie Mark of a shattered world, standing atop a onyx chariot adorned with blood red rubies pulled by pitch black pegasi with glowing red eyes.
“I AM RUIN! WITH THE POWER OF HATRED AND RAGE I WILL CRUSH THE PRINCESSES AND CONQUER EQUESTRIA! I DECLARE WAR ON PEACE AND HAPPINESS!”
Princess Celestia gave an annoyed sigh as Ruin kept up his boasting and threatening. “Lulu! There’s another one!”
Luna face hoofed. “I shall tell the guards to take the proper precautions…”
A unicorn guard brushed the smoldering pile of ashes that used to be Ruin into a dustpan.
“Why doth these villains keep going after us?” asked Luna, having a minor wound on her leg bandaged up. “Doth they not realize that we hath saved Equestria from their kind numerous times in the past? Many without the Elements?”
The Day Princess gave a nod as her wing was bandaged. “I blame Queen Chrysalis for it. It’s annoying; you lose once to a supercharged Changeling Queen in a room crowded with innocent civilians, and suddenly everypony thinks they can defeat you.”
“And why tis it always the power of hatred?” asked Luna, cocking her head. “I mean the villains everypony doth know we actually defeated used hatred!”
“Yes, Discord uses Chaos and Queen Chrysalis used love, and yet for some reason villains assume hate is effective against us.”
“FOR LORD RUIN!” yelled the pegasi pulling Ruin’s chariot, leaping at the princesses with knifes.
And then fell to the ground, paralyzed by well placed stun spells from the unicorn Guards.
“Good job, Commander,” Celestia stated as the Guards took the Pegasi away.
“Well, at least if they come after us, Twilight and company doth not need to deal with them.”
Celestia nodded in agreement. “Yes…I wonder how her day is going…”
“Oh, hello Rainbow Dash,” said Twilight, giving a smile to the rainbow-maned Pegasus as she trotted into the library. However, the librarian then frowned upon noticing the taped up wing her friend was sporting. “What happened?” she asked as she trotted over to Rainbow and looked over her wing in concern.
Rainbow grunted, looking down at her bandaged limb. “Oh, just a sprained wing,” she muttered in annoyance. “Totally awesome stunts can be hard on your wings.”
“Are you going to be alright?” the purple Alicorn asked. She knew how much Rainbow Dash’s flight mattered to her.
“Yeah yeah yeah,” Rainbow Dash said, then gave a small smirk.
“…You sure?”
“Yeah, it stinks my wing’s hurt, but eh, it isn’t as bad as when I broke it. Speaking of which, got anything good to read while I’m laid up, Twilight?”
“Oh, right!” Twilight trotted over to the fiction shelf. How could she have forgotten that? Twilight had gotten her into reading in the first place! “Hmm…Well, you’ve already read every Daring Doo book…There’s this new horror story called Rainbow Factory, it’s pretty popular.”
“Eh, no thanks.”
Twilight gave teasing look to Rainbow Dash. “What’s wrong? Scared?”
Rainbow Dash suddenly looked rather sheepish. “Nah, it’s not that it’s…well…”
“You <i]are scared!”
Rainbow Dash finally gave a sigh and a grim look. “Fine, I’ll tell you: it’s a true story and I‘m the head of it.”
Twilight‘s eyes widened. “WHAT?!”
Rainbow suddenly looked stone-faced, almost scared. “And now that I’ve told you, I’m going to have to silence you.”
Twilight took a few steps back…moments before Rainbow Dash lost it and fell on her back laughing her head off. “Gotcha!”
The Alicorn gave a snarl. “Rainbow! That wasn’t funny!”
“Oh come on, Twilight! I’m the Element of Loyalty! Did you really think I’d hurt yah? That‘s as crazy as that horror novel Pinkie Pie wrote!”
Twilight gave it some thought and her scowl turned into a chuckle. “Yeah, I guess…who knew Pinkie had that kind of imagination…” They both gave a shudder. Still, Twilight had to admit, Rainbow was right. The idea of any of them willingly killing any of the others was ridiculous. They were horrified when they just hurt one another’s feelings! “So you do want the Rainbow Factory?”
Rainbow Dash got back to her hooves and shook her head. “Nah, and I’m not scared of a stupid book.”
“Then why don’t you check it out?”
Rainbow gave an annoyed sigh. “Alright, alright, I’ll tell yah…”
“Well?”
“…Spectra’s made of magically solidified light mixed with water, not foals, a machine that huge would require more Pegasus magic to run than it than would most of the factory and there‘s not even the <i]room for it in the Factory (you‘d need a separate blatantly obvious building), there’s five emergency exits on every floor and half the rooms either have a dozens of windows or are open air, on top of the fact the walls are made of clouds, so anypony running from crazy ponies could escape easy, and come on! Rainbows? Storm clouds I could see considering Equestria actually needs them, but rainbows? Heck, I’ve got a rainbow fountain in my house! If it really was that costly to make rainbows, I sure wouldn‘t be wasting them to make my house look twenty percent cooler!”
Twilight‘s jaw dropped as she stared at the blue pony in shock. “R-Rainbow Dash…”
Rainbow blushed and looked away. “I’m captain of the Ponyville Weather Patrol, I had to get a degree in weather management. Just because I flunked out of flight school doesn’t mean I didn’t graduate school at all…I just don’t like ponies knowing I know all this stuff…I’m afraid they’ll think I’m a geek…”
Twilight covered her mouth to contain a chuckle. “Rainbow, it’s nothing to be ashamed of…Is that how you knew all that stuff you told us on the weather factory tour?”
Rainbow chuckled, rubbing the back of her head. “Yeah, I thought it‘d make me look smart and I was kind of nervous about the competition…anyway, the point is; if I read a scary story, I want it to get my heart pumping and give me a thrill! I know too much about the weather factory for it to do that…Got anything else?”
Twilight turned her attention back to the shelf. “How about…Harry Trotter? It’s another best seller about a different type of magic.”
“Hmm…sure, why not?…Hey, got anything Scoots might like? I‘m going to go hang out with her later…Wonder what she‘s doing right now.”
“Come on! What’s taking so long?” Scootaloo exclaimed, anxiously tapping her hooves on the window, eyes glued on the sky.
“Scootaloo, what’s wrong?” asked a blue-furred mare with a mare hugging a foal as her Cutie Mark.
“Oh! Hey Miss Tender Hooves…” the little orange filly replied, looking over to her with a small smile.. “It’s just…Rainbow Dash was supposed to be here, but she’s running late…I don‘t know what‘s taking her…”
Tender Hoof trotted over to her and put a hoof on her shoulder with a comforting look. “Rainbow Dash never misses one of your meetings with her, I’m sure there’s a good reason…”
“I know…it’s just…”
“The more you want something to happen, the harder it is to wait?”
Scootaloo gave a small nod. “Yeah…”
“What about Applebloom and Sweetie Belle? You could play with them until Rainbow shows up.”
“They’re busy with their sisters today…”
The older mare put her hoof to her chin and smiled lightly. “Well, why don’t we play a game to pass the time?”
The tiny filly blinked, looking back to her caretaker. “Well…I guess we could…But what should we-”
“Tag!” Tender Hooves shouted, lightly touching the filly’s nose and running out the door.
“Hey! Wait for me!”
Rainbow Dash trotted up to the building, looking up at the sign reading ‘Ponyville Orphanage.’ She looked around at the little foals frolicking and playing around, but didn’t see the one she was here to see. “Scoots!” she called.
“Over here Rainbow!” called a familiar voice.
Rainbow blinked, turning to see Scootaloo jump on Miss Tender Hooves’ back.
“Tag! You’re it!”
The blue Pegasus gave a small smile as the orphanage owner and Scoots laughed, out of breath. “Hey Scoots! Sorry I’m late, just roughed my wing up a little and had to walk over.”
Scootaloo frowned, looking at the wing. “Are you alright, Dash?”
Rainbow gave a nod. “Yeah, don’t worry about me.” She looked to Tender Hooves. “Mrs. Tender Hooves, can I take her out for the day?”
The elder mare gave a nod. “Sure, have a wonderful day, just be back on time,” she said, giving a smile and sharing a hug with the foal before letting her go to spend the day with Rainbow Dash…
By Godzillawolf
Proofread and Edited by lz0291
The following is an Affectionate Parody/Satire. No offense to anyone is intended, this is purely for fun. Please enjoy.
“Ah said yah gotta leave!”
“No way, I came here for one reason and I’m not leaving till I get it!” Gilda bellowed, snarling close to Applejack’s face.
Applejack glared back...Then pointed to the resume right in front of her. “Yah don’t demand a job, yah try tah get one,” she replied. “And Ah’m sorry, but yah ain’t gettin’ it.”
Gilda grumbled. “It’s because I’m a griffin, isn’t it?!”
“Uh, no...It’s because yah have anger issues, roared in mah face, and have generally been a jerk,” the Element of Honesty explained.
Gilda shrugged with a grumble. “I’m a Griffin, I wouldn’t expect you to understand.”
Applejack sighed. “Ah’ve met other Griffins...ok, they ain’t exactly nice, but they weren’t exactly jerks...why do yah even want this job?”
“What? You think just because I’m a ‘jerk’ means I don’t need bits like anypony else?”
“Yeah...but considerin’ how last time yah were here went, Ah’d think yah’d be a little more...angry...Last time somethin’ like this happened they came back with some kind of evil amulet and took over the town...”
Gilda blinked. “Uh...I might still be ticked off at what happened before, but why would I do something lame like that? Besides, it’s not like you did anything to me.”
“There a problem here?”
Gilda turned around and saw the massive form of Big Macintosh towering over her. “Uh...N-No, just debating over getting the job...”
Big Macintosh looked her over for a moment, the Griffin sweating a bit. “...Alright...” the big stallion trotted off as Gilda gave a sigh of relief.
Applejack gave a small chuckle. “Oh come on, yer scared of Big Macintosh?”
“Uh...no, why would I be?”
“Really no good reason,” the palmetto pony said, giving a look over to her sibling. Big Macintosh was presently letting Apple Bloom ride on his back to reach an apple for herself. “Big Mac’s a sweetheart, he wouldn’t hurt a fly. Heck, he’s barely ever even said a mean word tah anypony.”
Gilda blinked, watching the big stallion gently setting his little sister down. “Really?...Let me guess, he’s dating Fluttershy?”
Applejack gave a laugh. “You’re kiddin’, right? They hardly know each other. And besides, if yah know Fluttershy at all, imagine tryin’ tah get two of her tah ask each other out.”
Gilda blinked. “...Yeah, good point...”
“Applejack, dear,” called a refined voice.
Applejack turned to see her Aunt and Uncle Orange emerge from the house with Granny Smith. “Hey, Aunt and Uncle Orange.”
“Sorry, but we must be going now,” said Aunt Orange, giving Granny Smith a hug. A refined hug, but still one. “It’s been a wonderful visit.”
“And a good business meeting, as well,” Uncle orange replied, giving his Aunt-in-Law a hoof shake.
Gilda blinked. “Wait...I thought Apples and Oranges didn’t get along...”
The Apple and Orange families both laughed. “Whatever makes you think that?” asked Aunt Orange, chuckling in a lady-like fashion. “This is my grandmother and my nieces and nephew, why wouldn’t I get along wit them?”
Gilda looked around nervously. “Well...you know, the saying about Apples and Oranges...”
“Shucks, they even let meh stay with ‘em when Ah was a little filly,” Applejack replied.
Uncle Orange looked at Gilda. “Applejack, who is this griffin?”
“Oh, this is Gilda, she’s looking for a job, but weren’t quite our type...”
The older stallion looked the Griffin over. “Hmm...Tell me, Miss Gilda, are you physically strong?”
“Uh...yeah...Griffin, and all...” Gilda picked up the barrel they were using to show her strength.
“Hmm, so I see...” Uncle Orange rubbed his chin. “Can you be intimidating?”
Gilda smirked. “Oh yeah, you bet I can.” The Griffin spread her wings wide and stood up on her hind legs, giving the fiercest roar she could manage.
While Apple Bloom and Granny Smith were both quite startled, the Oranges observed seriously and critically. They whispered to one another for a moment then nodded. “Miss Gilda, we may have a perfect job for you,” Uncle Orange remarked.
Gilda blinked. “...Really?”
Aunt Orange gave a nod. “Yes, you see we just opened this lovely little dance club in Manehatten, but finding a bouncer is so difficult. Most ponies aren’t able to give off that intimidating air one needs. Well, there’s that white pegasus in town, but he turned us down.”
“...Pay well?”
“Fabulously.”
“So...I get paid for standing there looking scary and tossing ponies out who act up?”
“More or less. Just don’t be too rough, can’t afford to be sued.”
“...Will I get in trouble for calling ponies losers?”
“Only if they’re paying patrons, the ones you throw out are fair game.”
“...Sounds gr-...I mean, yeah, sure, sounds great.”
Uncle Orange gave a nod. “Alright, come with us to our private airship and we’ll work up the paperwork.”
Applejack blinked. “Well...that worked out...Well, see yah at the next reunion.”
Once the strange trio of two Manehatten business ponies and a brash Griffin had left, Applejack checked the time. “Golly! Time sure flew, didn’t it? We still need tah meet up with the others.”
Applebloom suddenly looked overjoyed. “Ah think Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle are at Rarity’s! Let’s go!”
Applejack blinked. “Ah get Sweetie Belle, but why Scootaloo?”
“She’s gettin’ her Nightmare Night costume made up! She’s goin’ as a Wonderbolt this time!”
“...Ah thought she was goin’ as a chicken.”
“...Why would yah think that?”
“Pinkie said somethin’ about it, and Rarity and Fluttershy goin’ as a marshmallow and tree.”
“...Fluttershy’s goin’ tah Nightmare Night?”
“Let’s just go to Rarity’s.”
“So you’re sure you don’t want muffins involved?”
Derpy grumbled. “For the thousandth time, NO! Just because I like muffins doesn’t mean I’ve got a muffin problem!”
“...And you don’t want something human based?”
Lyra facehoofed. “No! I dabble in anthropology, it’s not the only thing there is to me!”
“...Anthropoly-what?”
“Anthropology. The study of mythological humans. Some question whether or not it’s an actual science.”
Derpy drew several stares. “What? I’m clumsy, not stupid!”
“Sweetie Belle, stop annoying the costumers!”
Rarity trotted over. “Alright, I have your orders, darlings, you can either pay now or pay when it’s finished.”
“And you’d better pay! Or Rarity is going to have to whine at you!”
The two mares both stared in confusion. “What?” Lyra asked.
“Well that’s how she took care of the Diamond Dogs and got payback for the others for leaving her in Dodge Junction.”
Rarity blushed. “Well...yes...I happen to have a very effective whining ability. It is enough to make Diamond Dogs give up jewels rather than endure it.”
Applejack was begging to have Pinkie’s chatter back after Rarity was through with her. Served her and the others (especially Rainbow Dash) right for leaving her in the middle of nowhere with Pinkie Pie.
“Of course I’d never use it for evil...only if I need to, understood?”
The two mares gave a shudder. “S-sure.”
“Now, what about Nightmare Night Costumes, I’m having a sale on them.”
“Uh, sure,” said Derpy. “I could go as Frankenstein’s monster...”
Rarity grimioused. Ugh, such a hideous thing. Had a nightmare where I made one to be my husband and I have no idea how something so grotesque and gaudy could emerge from my brain!
“Uh...sure...I suppose I can do that. What about you, Miss Lyra?”
“Hmm...how about a skunk?”
Everypony blinked. “Uh...why?”
“They’re my favorite animal, I think they’re cool, why else?”
Rarity nodded slowly. For some reason she imagined Pinkie would have one of her bizarre comments in response to that. “Alright, that can be arranged.”
“Uh...speaking of Nightmare Night costumes, are you ever going to finish taking measurements for mine? We do have places to be.”
Rarity blushed, looking to the little orange filly sitting on a table nearby, Rainbow reading Harry Trotter and the Chamber of Secrets nearby, and chatting with the filly to keep her occupied. “Um...yes, sorry...Ladies, I’ll get to work on your orders the moment I am able.”
Once the two mares were gone, Rarity resumed her work on measuring the filly. “...My, Rainbow Dash, you’re being well behaved, I thought you got cabin fever just from sitting still for 30 seconds.”
“Only if I don’t have something to do, I still have books,” the blue mare replied, looking up from it. “You doing alright, Scoots!”
The little filly nodded as Rarity measured her snout.
Suddenly, the door flung open and in ran Applebloom, Applejack following shortly. “Hi Rarity! Hi Rainbow Dash!”
“Hello, Applebloom,” Rarity said, measuring Scootaloo’s little wings. “There, all done!”
“Yay! So we can go now?!” asked Sweetie Belle.
Rarity gave a nod. “Yes, Sweetie Belle, we can.”
“Yay!” Scootaloo and Applebloom exclaimed. They then took a deep breath.
“Uh...can we not do the scream this time?” asked Sweetie. “My throat is sore...”
“From bothering my clients,” Rarity remarked.
Sweetie Belle blushed as the others nodded in agreement.. “Yeah...”
Rainbow Dash closed her book. “Come on, let’s get going.”
“I hope Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon don’t find a way to ruin this,” muttered Scootaloo as the three mares lead the way.
“Ah wonder what they’re up to anyway.”
“Thanks for holding my glasses, Mrs. Rich,” said Silver Spoon, respectfully as she and Diamond Tiara emerged from a rollercoaster as the older pink mare returned her glasses.
“You’re quite welcome, Silver, but please, call me Tender Hooves, Mrs. Rich is what Filthy’s business partners call me,” she replied, giving her daughter her tiara back and helping fix her and Silver’s manes from the wind.
“Dear, I-”
“You’re my husband, I’m not calling you Mr. Rich.”
“...Yes dear...”
“Your mom is cool, Diamond,” Silver said as the two walked after the adults.
“Yeah, she is, I guess,” Diamond replied, looking up to her parents. “Wish she wasn’t so hard on me when she finds out about the blank flanks,” she whispered.
Silver nodded, slowly looking over at the gate. “...Speaking of which...”
The pink filly looked over at the gate, seeing the three fillies in question emerge and enter the park. “Speak of the Draconequus...”
Silver gave a smirk. “Think we should pay them a little visit?”
Diamond gave it thought, and shook her head. “Nah, we’ve got premium passes, why waste time on the blank flanks? We’ve got better things to do.” After all, it wasn’t like their lives revolved around those three.
Silver Spoon gave a nod in return. “Bump, bump, sugar lump rump!” they chanted, doing their handshake and following Diamond’s parents.
“Wow! Thanks for takin’ us sis!” called Applebloom, looking around the part in excitement.
Scootaloo nodded “Yeah! What should we do first?!”
“Ask Twilight to look over her checklist,” Rainbow snarked.
“Thanks for the introduction, Rainbow,” the purple Alicorn added.
Rainbow blinked. “I was joking...”
Twilight cleared her throat and unrolled a scroll, much to everypony’s jargon, Twilight clearly the only one looking forwards to this. “One ride all the rides.”
“Ok...”
“Two ride all the rides. And three...have fun.”
They simply stood, waiting for a number four...and it never came.
“...Twilight...are you feeling alright?”
Twilight chuckled. “I love my checklists, but with this many ponies, it’s not exactly practical...and Celestia said a Princess needs to think with her gut, not just her head.”
“Don’t listen to her!” yelled a voice that sounded like a summer breeze...which made it very hard to hear.
They turned to see a mare with features as chiseled as a statue...which looked pretty dang creepy when you actually saw it...
Fluttershy asked. “Um...who are you?”
“I am Eclipse Summer Breeze Alexandria!” she announced, her voice still rather difficult to hear. Looking at her Cutie Mark was a picture of an ancient city with a summer breeze with an eclipse in the background.
‘My, what a gaudy Cutie Mark...’ Rarity thought.
“Okay...and why shouldn’t we listen to Twilight?”
“Because she is acting out of character! Therefore she must be a changeling disguised as Twilight Sparkle!”
“Uh...while I admit that Twilight not writing a long checklist is a tad strange, it’s not that strange...” Rarity remarked. “Plus how would you know?”
“Because I’m awesome! And Spike could tell you! that’s why he’s not here!”
“Uh, I’m right here,” said the baby Dragon, stepping out from behind the group of mares. “And I was there when the Princess told her that.”
The pony merely blinked. “Well...I know a Princess too!”
“How?”
“I was Princess Luna’s student! While she was on the moon!”
Pinkie Pie blinked. “How did you get there?”
“Or for that matter breathe?” Twilight asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Because I’m also her daughter!”
“Who’s your father then?”
“King Sombra!”
“...Then why are you trying to help us?” Spike asked. “We blew him up.”
“I’m just that nice!”
Rainbow did a cuckoo motion with her hoof. “Step away from the crazy pony...” she whispered.
Twilight nodded. “Well, I’m definitely not a Changeling, we must be going now.”
The ponies quickly got out of the way and high tailed it.
“Hey! Come back here and listen to my backstory!” Eclipse yelled, chasing off after them...then quickly becoming winded and having to stop. “...Somepony...listen to my backstory!”
Applejack gave a sigh of relief as they got away from the odd pony. “Well alright then, got a good schedule...but what about food?”
Twilight blinked. “Uh...”
“Twilight, I don’t know about them, but I’m eating whenever I’m hungry,” Rainbow Dash stated definitively.
Rarity nodded. “Quite right, if we had it scheduled, we have to rush, and a lady should never have to rush while eating.”
Spike nodded, having jumped on Twilight’s back as they ran. “Sounds good to me...”
Twilight nodded slowly. “Alright! Then lets have a good day, everypony!”
Author's Note
As with the previous chapter, this is just a fun parody. Try to guess the cliches and if you have one you want parodied or satirized, say it in the comments.
Also, this chapter contains a parody of MYSELF, so my long time readers might see it ;)
