Party With the Princesses

"Twilight," Celestia asked, "What do you know about marijuana?"

"So that's what the smell is!?" Twilight asked, "But how could you? You're Princess Celestia, all of Equestria looks up to you."

"Twilight, you do know that weed has been legal in Equestria since before Luna and I came into power," Celestia said.

"Yes, I know that. I know that Rarity and Rainbow Dash smoke weed from time to time to time, and I don't really have a problem when they do it, but shouldn't you three be setting an example for the public?"

Celestia was beginning to panic just a little. While she was expecting a less-than-optimal reaction from Twilight, she really wasn't expecting her to take her to task on this issue. Thankfully, Luna stepped in before Celestia had the opportunity to say anything stupid.

"And we do set an example when we're in public, but what we do behind closed doors is our business, not anyone else's, and since it's legal you can't say we're being hypocritical either," Luna said.

"Besides," Celestia added, "Shouldn't we be allowed to enjoy ourselves too from time to time."

"Not to mention there are much worse examples we could set for the general public," Cadence said, "Isn't that right, Nightmare Moon?"

"Hey, too soon," Luna said.

"Not soon enough," Cadence countered.

"I'm still not completely comfortable with this," Twilight said, but she joined the other alicorns in their little circle regardless. The only chairs in the entire room were bean bag chairs, which only furthered Twilight's apprehension, but she didn't want to upset Celestia so she would go along with whatever they had planned for now.

"So... what's with the chairs?" Twilight asked.

"I just thought the room needed a little change of pace," Luna said.

"She was too cheap to buy actual furniture," Cadence said.

"Now that's straight up bullshit," Luna retorted.

"Make yourself as comfortable as possible, Twilight," Celestia said, "And don't worry about the smell, you'll get used to it soon enough. In the meantime, would you like to take a hit?"

After finishing her hit, Luna magically floated the joint over to Twilight's face.

"Um..." Twilight began.

"I promise, Twilight, nothing bad will happen to you," Celestia said, "You can trust me."

"But something bad might happen to you if you don't toke," Luna said, "Nothing physical, you'll just look like a weenie. And you can trust me on that too."

"Peer pressure is awesome!" Cadence yelled.

"Actually, given the way Twilight views us," Celestia began, "This is probably less peer pressure and more authority pressure, if that's even a phrase, which would make it even more likely that- holy shit she actually did it!"

And almost immediately after Twilight stopped inhaling and the joint left her lips, she began coughing up a storm, leaving her to wonder whether or not it was worth it.

"I don't feel any different," Twilight said.

"Well, that would be because you only took one hit," Cadence said, "Even as a first time smoker, you need more then that in order to get high. But don't worry, I'm rolling the next spliff, and it's going to be way better than Celestia's crappy rolling."

"You know how I said you were a prick back when you first became a princess?" Celestia said, "I take it back, you're still a prick."

"Sticks and stones, princess. Hey, I just realized, we forgot to put on music."

"Oh hey, we did forget to do that," Luna said.

"Well, personally I don't think Luna should be allowed to choose," Celestia said, "Last time we let her pick the music, we got 12 hours of non-stop Kanye."

"What's wrong with Kanye?" Luna asked.

"Nothing, except that it got pretty repetitive after a while. I mean, I'm pretty sure I heard 'Gorgeous' about twenty times that night."

Luna grumbled, "Well, at least having a one artist playlist is better than having a million anonymous ones, Cadence. If we're talking about repetition, then I have to say that somewhere between Danny Brown and Young Jeezy the artists became pretty indistinguishable."

"Well, at least I like current music," Cadence said.

"Nothing against the current artists, but nothing beats the classics," Celestia said, "Wu-Tang, N.W.A, Rakim, Nas, early Jay-Z..."

"Whatever you say, grandma," Cadence said.

"Wait, why don't we let Twilight pick the music?" Luna said.

"Well, Twilight, I'm not too familiar with what you're listening nowadays, but I suppose that's fair," Celestia said, "Besides, how bad could it be?"

"So, Twilight, what do you want to listen to?" Luna asked.

Twilight paused for a minute, "Well..."

Can you take me higher
To a place, where blind men see
Can you take me higher
To a place with golden streets

"And we are never letting Twilight pick the music again," Cadence said.

"Agreed," the other alicorns save Twilight said in unison.

Despite Twilight's terrible taste in music, the four alicorns spent the next few hours in peace and harmony, smoking weed until Twilight was so stoned she could barely think, having a couple beers along the way (which didn't help the purple alicorn,) and generally just being peaceful. Then, everything changed when the ~~fire nation attacked~~ clock struck 9.

"Well, we probably should head out now," Celestia said, "It is 9, and we should get to Snowdrop's by a reasonable time."

"Wait, we're leaving," Twilight asked, "Why? It feels like I just entered my comfort zone."

"Your what?" Cadence asked.

"I don't really know," Twilight said, "I just feel peaceful right now. Hey Celestia, I just noticed that you're, like, way taller then everypony else. Is that because you're some kind of great historic monarch? If that's the case, why isn't Luna as tall as you are? Weird, isn't it?"

"Running through a forest?" Luna asked.

"Leave her alone," Celestia said, "She's gonna have enough problems tonight."

"How about the box?" Cadence asked.

"No, let's not do that either," Celestia said, "Although I do have to admit that would be hilarious."

"But seriously, why do we have to go?"

"Well, first of all," Luna said, "We already made plans to go out at night. I mean, if you think I'm spending my birthday cooped up in here... well, to be fair I did that last year, but at least then I had my XBox console with me."

"What happened to that, by the way?" Cadence asked.

"Shining Armor took it when you and him moved to the Crystal Empire," Luna said, "And every time I ask for it back he dodges the question."

"Yeah, he tends to do that," Cadence said, "Speaking of which, I wonder how he's doing now? He's probably absolutely miserable."

"Ah, this is the fucking life," Shining Armor said happily. He was relaxing in his hot tub, flanked on both sides by three mares each, with several expensive bottles of champagne at their disposal.

"I'm sure it is, Shiny," Trixie said, "It feels like it's been forever since we last saw each other."

"Yeah, sorry about that, but I can't always get away from my wife. Thank God she's on some business trip back in Canterlot, so we can have the night to ourselves. Well, ourselves plus five other girls."

"Other girls?" Lyra asked, "Is that how you think of us?"

"Of course not," Shining Armor said, "I love each and every one of you."

"Aw, he's so sweet," Fleur swooned, "Isn't he so sweet?"

The other girls nodded.

"Anyway, ladies, as much as I love the champagne, I'm thinking we move to something a little heavier," Shining Armor said, "What do you say?"

"What do you mean, heavier?" Colgate asked.

"You'll see," Shining said, "Hey, Julio! Bring out the coke!"

"I already told you, my name is Canvas," Shining's unicorn guard approached him angrily.

"Yes, and I already told you that I pay your salary, and as long as I'm paying your salary, your name is Julio. Now go bring me the coke, and I swear to Faust if any of it is missing I will rip your balls off and hang them from that little horn of yours. Understood?"

"Yes sir," Canvas sighed. God, I miss Sombra, he thought, Sure he raped me and brutally slaughtered my entire family, but at least he had the decency to get my name right. Unlike this Shining Asshole, who's only royalty because of the bitch he married in the first place.

Meanwhile, back in the hot tub, Chrysalis began moving closer to Shining Armor in order to tell him what she wanted to.

"You know, for a while there, I thought you hated me, what with you blasting me out of the kingdom and all, but I do really appreciate you coming back and saving me later."

Shining Armor smiled, "Don't mention it." He said.

"Oh, there has to be something I can do to make it up to you," Chrysalis said, "Actually, don't say anything, I already know what it is." And her head disappeared under the water.

"Funny," Shining Armor said, "Usually favors don't involve disappearing entirely. Unless you really hate the person... does Chrysalis think I hater her? And what if... oh... oh... oh you clever bitch."

"Ooh Chryssie, didn't think you had it in you," Trixie cooed.

"Well, considering all the holes in her body, she might literally not have it in her," "Fleur said.

"Fleur, I don't think you-"

"I understood perfectly."

Finally, the stallion Shining called Julio returned with the bags of coke.

"Well, that took fucking forever," Shining Armor said, "But at least all the shit appears to be here. Now go run along and play with all your spick friends before I make you suck my dick too."

"Shining, isn't that kinda incredibly offensive?" Lyra asked.

"Don't care, I'm the king," Shining Armor replied.

"Aren't you technically a prince?"

"Aren't you technically a hooker?"

"Escort."

"Same difference."

Shortly after Shining and his bitches began doing lines, Chrysalis had to come up for air.

"Sorry," she said blushing wildly, with one hoof still playing with his dick, "Ooh, is that cocaine! Awesome!"

"Tell all of Equestria, why don't you," Shining said, but Chrysalis left the job unfinished to go snort.

"Seriously, Chryssie?" Shining Asked, "Well... Applejack, you've already had a line or two, and I've heard you give great head, so why don't you finish what our ADD changeling friend over here apparently couldn't."

"Oh trust me Shiny," Applejack said, "By the time I'm done with you, you're gonna be seeing colors and calling me your mistress."

If only Twilight could see me now, she thought.

"Well, anyway," Luna said, "I was going to say that the second reason we're leaving is because even if I didn't want to leave, we kinda have to. Discord's having a booty call tonight, and you know how he gets sometimes."

"Who the fuck would want to have sex with Discord?" Cadence asked.

"Oh, you'd be surprised," Celestia said, cheeks getting redder by the second.

"You know, I could easily break out of these handcuffs at any time," Discord said, chuckling.

"Did I tell you that you could speak, pet?" He heard the voice of the mare teasing him reply.

"Excuse me?"

"I said, DID I TELL YOU THAT YOU COULD SPEAK!?"

Normally, Discord being the asshole that he is, he would play games with the lucky mare, leading her into thinking she was playing the dominant role, only to turn the tables and break her will once he got the opportunity. But this mare's voice, coupled with the intense glare she was giving him, was almost... scary? Surely Discord, Lord of Chaos, couldn't be intimidated by a-

"Yes, Mistress Fluttershy," Discord said.

"That's a good pet," Fluttershy said, "Now don't talk unless I tell you that you can open your mouth. Is that clear?"

"Yes," Discord said.

"Yes, what?"

"Yes, Mistress Fluttershy?"

"Good pet." Fluttershy said, while climbing across the draconequus' body and onto his face, "Now, pet, shut up and eat my pussy... I mean, if that's okay with you."

"So yeah, that's happening," Celestia said, "In the meantime, let's get out of here before Discord 'accidentally' turns the castle into a giant phallic symbol and we can only leave by... well, that."

Luna and Cadence quickly followed Celestia into the Canterlot Castle basement. Twilight was a little bit slower, but despite her inebriated state, managed to keep pace with the older alicorns, for the most part anyway.

"I just realized," Twilight said, "How are we going to get to this 'Snowdrop's?' I mean, wouldn't we be constantly spotted out in public, not to mention inside the actual place. How are we going to be discreet?"

"Well, you remember how a little while ago you went to that alternate universe?" Luna asked.

"Oh yeah, that was totally fucked up," Twilight laughed.

"Well, the three of us have also been there, but unlike you, we actually brought stuff back."

Twilight turned the corner to see a machine that she had never seen anything like before. It was black and sleek-looking, had four wheels at the bottom and a roof. The closest thing she could think of would be a carriage, but even that was a stretch to even make the comparison.

"What is that?" Twilight asked.

"In the human world, they call it a car," Luna said, "Or more specifically, an Aston Martin DB9."

"Woah," Twilight, in her stoned state, was apparently putting on her best Keanu Reeves impression.

"Yeah, awesome isn't it," Luna said.

"Although I don't see how it will make us blend in," Twilight said.

"Who said we need to do that? We're going clubbing in style."

Cadence and Twilight managed to fit their way into the back seat of the car. However, once they put the chairs back up, there was a problem.

"Hey, how come you get to drive?" Celestia asked.

"Because not only is it my birthday, but it's my car too," Luna said, "I paid a hefty price for this."

"No you didn't, you got a discount because you blew the salesman."

"Well, to be fair, I also gave him a handjob." Luna said.

Twilight's eyes widened, "Wait, so those weird little things we got at the end of our forehooves could be used for-"

"Yup," Luna said, "You never did that with Flash Sentry?"

"Hey!" Twilight said.

"But back to your point, Celestia, what you were up to on Earth was far more immoral than what I was doing anyhow. Isn't that right, Mrs. Grand Wizard?"

"Okay, in my defense," Celestia stammered, "I had no idea what the Klan was until after I joined."

"Then... why did you join?"

"I don't know, they looked cool!" Celestia said, "C'mon, can't you give a girl a break?"

"Our glorious leader, everypony," Cadence sighed.

"Like you could do any better," Celestia said.

"But I am. The Crystal Empire is at it's most prosperous since the reign of Princess Joy."

"Well, it's not like you had much competition," Celestia said, "After her was Sombra, who basically killed half the population, and then after that the place vanished for a millennium, so your competition is one of the most infamous tyrants in Equestrian history and total nonexistence."

"Every party needs a pooper," Cadence replied, "Don't be one tonight."

After incessant squabbling, Celestia finally agreed to get in the shotgun seat, while Luna sat behind the wheel.

"Are you sure you haven't had too much to drink, Luna?" Twilight asked.

"I'm fine Twilight," Luna said, "Go back to being high."

Luna started the car, opened the top, and tried to get a grasp on the steering wheel, (as it's a little harder without hands).

"So, how are you going to refill the tank?" Cadence asked.

Luna paused momentarily, unable to come up with an answer.

"Fuck you," She eventually replied, and floored the gas pedal.