Chapter Four: The Iron Monger

Next is the one called Aristomache

Name: Goddamit! I did it again!!!
Species: Damned Pegasus... think they're so much better than us coz they can fly...
History: Born in the industrial area of some place no one really cares about, raised in one of those weird looking floating construction yards that are now illegal due to pollution issues. He was basically raised on backwards science, whereas others were taught to improve upon design he was taught to make even more issues than were necessary.

When he was twelve he became one of Equestria's most wanted due to the "accidental" nuking of Radishima during that whole war thing a few years back. It isn't that he's evil or cruel its just that he doesn't really think about things before detonating them or telling others his inventions are entirely safe.

For some reason he doesn't understand the words 'no you cannot build that' or 'don't you think that's dangerous?'

Whatever the case his troubles with creating mass pollution hardly mattered here so he was quickly snapped up by our recruiting agency, I remember 'recruiting' him myself with Mr Brick in fact.

***

The foundry, hidden underneath the waterworks of B0NER, endlessly belching out smoke like a miasma from pits dotted on the surface of the town. The pollution created within the weapons facility would be enough to choke the life out of any wildlife had it not already been choked out by the mere presence of Smooze the almighty fart putty hidden in Mayor Jenkins' shed.

Stygian had to follow the route leading through tunnels 'left' behind by the ancient and now extinct mole people of whom Jenkins had ordered be slaughtered when he had discovered the large deposits of metals hidden within the earth and stone beneath the town.

They had not left the bodies of those poor people to rot however, the people of B0NER had after all been starving at the time and the mole people had actually tasted kind of like salami. Ponies didn't usually eat meat but then when one was starving one didn't complain about the food source.

The old war pony realized of course that no matter what complaints the distant minded pegasus had Stygian would only ignore them based upon the fact the fecker could fly, which at the end of the day gave him an unfair advantage that definitely didn't give him any more rights than the average earth pony.

Even so Stygian did respect the bombing of Radishima, though he had nothing against the populace he remembered seeing the blinding flash of painful light off the coast of Germaney during the war. It had been pretty, he had proposed to his first wife during the battle in which it had been detonated, which now that Stygian thought about it gave him another reason to despise the pegasus with a passion.

She had turned out to be a real bitch! Then again she was a pegasus too and everypony knows what they're like during estrus.

Quickly rubbing the old scar behind his left ear as a result of a carefully tossed plate he realized he had come to the end of the cave system. In fact he realized this most when he walked face first into the large metal doors that blocked the way into B0NER's secret weapons facility. Rubbing his face he lifted his free hoof and banged on the door three times.

"Password?" A voice demanded from the other side.

Stygian answered. "Open the door or I swear I'm going to eat you, kill you and wear your fur as a second coat during the next winter!"

"That's not the password!" The voice complained.

"Open the bloody door Aristomache or so help me Smooze I'll batter you sideways!!!"

The door opened, separating into three parts that screeched their way into the frame that surrounded it, he had perhaps anticipated a blinding light to fly out from the cracks as the armored portal reveled the room beyond however all Stygian received was a barely flickering UV light hanging awkwardly from the ceiling.

The room beyond was anything but improved since he had last seen it, in fact it had gotten worse.

"Stygian!" Aristomache grinned. "So good to see you again!"

Stygian eyed the pegasus with a flat stare, Aristomache was a young black coated stallion with grey stripes that from what he could guess had arrived as a result of one of his many botched experiments. He wore black and grey sheet layered armor with small near neon yellow gears on the boots as well as silver bladed coverings over his wings. His mane and tail were a mixture of grey and black too. His most distinguishing feature however had to be the long and luxurious aristocratic mustache he had planted above his lips. (Fake of course, the real one burned off years ago)

Whatever the color of his eyes they were hidden behind thick goggles with large yellow rims, they were black tinted to the point nothing could see through unless they were hyper sensitive to the light, which under the circumstances made sense when one considered this pony made his living making and testing nuclear weapons.

They were also made for welding, which explained the welder in his left hoof.

Stygian had never seen the pony take them off, in fact the day he had arrived he had hissed at the sun like a vampire and shielded the lenses covering his eyes with a foreleg. Stygian remarked upon the fact that this pony requested assistants often and managed to get every single one he received killed within the hour, it had become an art form.

"It's... nice... to see you too Aristomache," Stygian lied, he hated everyone so any interaction other than blind violence caused issues in his mind. "I suppose you know why I'm here?"

The scientist shook his head, throwing the welder over a shoulder. "No, why are you here?"

"No reason!" Stygian smiled, turning on his hooves to make his escape.

"Perfect! I could use a hoof!" Aristomache spun and began walking towards his lab.

Stygian growled menacingly and made to follow, hanging his head somewhat, he knew this was going to end in pain. The journey was short considering the subtle size of the factory beneath the town, the mad inventor led Stygian to a large device of some kind, wide and round with multiple moving parts and a massive cog in the center.

"May I present to you..." The pegasus began, raising a hoof to present said item grandly. "The... the... the thing I invented yesterday!"

Stygian looked it over, all he could say about it was that it looked like a machine, the function of the device entirely unknown to the earth pony who had a way of guessing what things did. "Very nice, what does it do?"

"Yes well," Aristomache smiled madly. "I guess we'll have to turn it on to find out."

Stygian blinked, though each eyelid failed to meet in synchronization. "You built something and you don't know what it does?"

"Not really no."

"Not really?"

"Okay..."Aristomache admitted. "Not at all."

"Oh joy," Stygian groaned. "Look before this goes on I have to ask... do you have any complaints?"

"Complaints?" Aristomache frowned. "No... not really... I mean, I could always do with some more assistants."

"What's the point?" Stygian demanded. "You keep getting them killed!"

"Yeah," Aristomache grinned proudly. "I do don't I... now come along, just hold that lever over there."

Stygian went to do so, rolling his eyes as he did, lifting onto his hind legs he took hold of the large lever in his forelegs and pulled against it, seeing the catch lock that would release once the process began. Aristomache plugged a few smaller devices into the machine and gave a wide smile.

"Well... no rest for the wicked!" He moved to the control panel with the proud look all genius madponies had when about to make a discovery. "Let this day be remembered as the day when all things came to pass!"

"What the hell was the speech for?" Stygian growled, tired of this nonsense already.

"In case the device does something remarkable," He answered, activating the machine, which began to hum dangerously.

"I'm not going to remember it," The earth pony muttered as he looked over the almost spherical object before them, suddenly he froze. "Wait," Stygian frowned, holding the now vibrating lever in place resiliently and taking note of something that suspiciously reminded him of something he had mentioned to the crazy inventor one drunken afternoon. "Is that a mass intake valve?"

"Probably," Aristomache shrugged, lifting a hoof over the panel. "Here we go!"

"No Wait!!!"

Stygian would never exactly recall what happened after the pegasus smashed his hoof against the panel, however he did recall dragging the lunatic out with him through the tunnels. When they finally escaped the ensuing onrush of endless choking smoke it became obvious that all they were really doing was leaving one poisonous atmosphere and entering another.

This one, though foul in smell, was infinitely better considering it provided some oxygen to the lungs. After Aristomache's fit of coughing had passed he looked up to see Stygian smoking a cigarette as calm as day. "Ah yes... a pollution bomb... utter genius!"

"Yes..." Stygian frowned.

"It would work beautifully as a weapon!" Aristomache burst from the ground shaking off the mire that coated his body in an instant. "I must document of this and send my report to Jenkins immediately!"

Stygian watched him bolt in the direction of the town center, barely keeping his tattered patience in check. "Once again I find myself covered in shit..." he growled to himself, his left eye twitching dangerously and the globules of solid pollution dripping from his body, "I'm beginning to hate my job, yes I am!"

Author's Note

Whosa loony? Youra loony!
I'ma loony too! Woony Loony Time!

But no seriously, this will not be the last time this pony causes me trouble!

Aristomache