Chapter Six: The Astronomer

Ah yes The Accursed...

Name: Accursed One... they must have been some nice parents.
Species: Dick Hea... Unicorn
History: A young prodigy who found himself born into a society of scientists, the crazy kind who created mad devices and underwent insane projects. They were shut down after somehow detonating an entire field with a thimble full of nitro glycerine... lunatics see.

Anyway, he was admitted into the Canterlot University at the age of sixteen and passed every course, study and test he was ever given with flying colors. His main studies are Dimensional Theory, Radiation Fields and for some reason he specializes in Astronomy...

Why is a mystery, his mind was considered so large that it was believed it would burst should anyone speak to him for too long and yet he decided to spend his life looking up at the stars.

Then again he was banned from creating any kind of laser system due to the fact he kept taking pot shots at space every time he saw something odd in his telescope. Oh yeah... said telescope he brought with him when he moved here. After all... B0NER is of course the place to go to continue experiments long after their legal capacity has been met.

***

'Oh may as well while I'm here...' Stygian thought to himself as he made a slight detour on the way to the Jenkins' shed on the other side of town, said detour would take him to the center of town. It was an interesting place to say the least, most tended to avoid it due to the nature of the inhabitants who frequented it.

It had been the site of most of B0NER's stabbings since the arrival of the anarchist movement, for reasons that should be abundantly obvious. Even from the farthest reaches of the town's surface could one see what lay there, where one pony had set up shop almost immediately after arriving... though where else he could go was a mystery. The massive dome that opened in a single slit to reveal the inner workings of a thing that had become an oddity around here.

It was the site of the Astronomy Department in B0NER, unlike any other department this one required only one operative, a certain stallion called Accursed One. He was a light green unicorn of average build, a silver mane that was quite frankly a mess... but then he was a scientist... and a strange far off look to his eyes.

The mark upon his butt cheeks was an asteroid, but not just an asteroid, an asteroid with an atom in the center.

If anything that should have been a sign, the stallion had already been warned multiple time about using his gravitational array, a thing used to bring down asteroids so as he could study them... as such the outskirts of B0NER as well as a few buildings on the inside, had been forever scarred by pockmarks and holes.

Stygian came to the entrance of the dome Observatory that swiveled so as to explore the night sky. There was a door with a security system and Stygian gained access by punching it, not much of a password but then it had never really worked, not since some Clown came along looking for something to steal.

Of course there was nothing, only the telescope... and one would need to bring some massive flying vehicle to lift it.

Accursed had managed to bribe a dragon into doing it for him, how the unsung genius did that Stygian did not know, it seemed to be a secret Accursed held close to his heart and locked behind a metaphorical door welded shut and then drowned in concrete... which reminded the old war pony, he needed to purchase (steal) a jackhammer sometime.

"Hello?" Stygian called out into the dark of the structure as he entered, the only light available from two poor neon lights and the open hatch where the telescope jutted out aggressively.

"Did you know," A voice replied. "That stars don't actually twinkle? Its just an effect of the many layers of our world's atmosphere."

"Yes I did," Stygian answered, looking up at the green stallion with a plain look. "Get down here I need to speak to you."

The unicorn, located above on a walkway, jumped over the side in a swan dive, one that was ruined when his lab coat caught on a loose bolt. "Fffffffuuuuuuuuu...!" He began before meeting the ground face first.

"Yeah." Stygian replied. "Gravity is a bitch like that."

"Indeed!" Accursed rose almost instantly to a stand. "And I see you're your normal self today Stygian."

"Normal?" Stygian frowned, the word an insult to him even in description.

"Grumpy and annoyed." Accursed smiled. "Now... what do you want, I'm a very busy stallion and must get back to work."

Stygian frowned and his ears flattened, he hated to be rushed even when it was his plan to do so anyway, contradictory no? "I was sent by Jenkins to see if you had any complaints."

"I'm glad you asked," Accursed nodded happily. "I do indeed wish to make a complaint, concerning all the complaints I have made which have been savagely ignored time and time again!"

There was a moments pause as Stygian blinked repeatedly.

It took everything in the Minister's power to not laugh outright into Accursed's face. "I see... I'll be sure to make people aware of that."

"Very good." Accursed gave a nod. "At least somepony cares about the needs of others here."

"Yes..." Stygian had to cough that time. "Well then I'll be off..."

"Did you know that stars are black bodies?" Accursed began.

"I did," Stygian sighed, beginning to look over the massive telescope to kill some time.

Accursed however was not one to be deterred, he was the kind of stallion that would lock jaw on a wrist like a rabid Diamond Dog just to prove a point. "A black body is an object that absorbs one hundred percent of all electromagnetic radiation that falls on it.

"Yes well..." Stygian rolled his eyes a looked over the massive telescope. It wasn't standard by any measure, being pure white with some black lines that made it look like some kind of cannon on a spaceship... "What are those?" He asked suddenly.

Accursed blinked in confusion and looked up to the objects on the telescope that Stygian pointed to with a fore hoof. "What? That? Don't worry about that," He shrugged moving away hurriedly.

"Is this..." Stygian growled. "Is this a Death Ray?"

"No!" Accursed humphed, then frowned suspiciously. "How did you know, are you spying on me!?"

Stygian snorted. "Please, I worked with Cobra a while back I think I know what a Death Ray is."

"Cobra!?" Accursed gasped with astonishment. "You worked with Cobra?"

Stygian ignored the question, the last thing he wanted to remember was all that nonsense, the endless failures and that Cobra Commander idiot who thought just because he was a unicorn and could scream demands at a pitch high enough to shatter eardrums that he couldn't be beaten.

That was a strange year indeed, those Joe ponies were a bunch of lunatics throwing explosives around all the time with no care for civilian safety.

"What is this aimed at?" Stygian asked.

"The moon," Accursed answered honestly, proudly in fact.

"I see," Stygian nodded slowly, allowing this news to sink in. "And why exactly is it aimed at the moon?"

"Because that's where Luna will strike!" Accursed declared. "And of course its where the aliens live."

"Aliens?" Stygian nodded rubbing his jaw. "Where exactly did you get that information?"

"Mayor Jenkins expressed concern about the potential dangers the moon could hold!" Accursed informed the grumpy psychopath. "Its in the interest of B0NER to keep the moon suspect for multiple attacks!"

Ah... of course... Jenkins....

"And he asked you to do this, did he?" Stygian queried with an odd expression.

Accursed blushed somewhat and pulled at the collar of his lab coat. "Err... no..."

"Hmm..." Stygian considered the situation, there were many things he could do here, many avenues available to him... he could yell and beat Accursed senseless, he could demand he take the Death Ray apart... then again there was Option G. "Say... you're worried about an attack from the moon right?"

"Yes!" Accursed nodded emphatically. "I mean look at it!" He pointed with a hoof. "Its just sitting up there... being all menacing and what not... it needs to be dealt with!"

"I agree with you," Stygian nodded solemnly.

"You do?" Accursed frowned in confusion, then recovered. "I mean, you do! Excellent, then we can..."

"But I do have one question," Stygian interrupted him.

Accursed paused. "I... okay, shoot away."

Stygian smiled. "The moon is Luna's realm correct?"

"Correct."

"And Luna is a powerful enemy correct?"

"Correct."

"But as we all know Celestia is more powerful than Luna, correct?"

"Indeed."

"And Celestia's realm is the sun..."

"..."

Stygian's smile became satisfied. "You get my point then."

Accursed's mind was fizzling, Stygian could tell this by the way his irises were shaking and his ears flapped wildly as if he were signalling a squadron of pegasi to land. "I... You... Oh my! You are completely correct!" Accursed leaped for the controls of his telescope and began adding co-ordinates. "For all we know when the sun rises a strike force could be on their way to destroy us!"

"A strike force of fiery monster aliens right?" Stygian raised a brow.

"Could be!"

"So... same plan as before?" Stygian asked. "But this time destroy the sun right?"

Accursed growled an affirmative. "If they attack yes! Nothing could be a better deterrent than destroying the place where they came from!"

Stygian shook his head, Accursed was once a great stallion of knowledge, now its seemed he pulled his ideas out from cereal boxes. "Just one thing..."

"What!?" Accursed demanded irritably, turning from his work to stare at Stygian grumpily.

Stygian activated his straight face, so as not to give his game away. "That Death Ray is too small."

Accursed froze... "Oh... My... Stars!" The astronomer exploded. "You're right! We're entirely unprepared for a solar attack!" Accursed began bolting down the street, his direction a wide circle that just repeated over and over again. "I need parts! Quickly, someone get me some Red Matter!!!"

It was a way to advertise Stygian supposed.

Author's Note

Mad Ponies... Mad Ponies Everywhere.

The Accursed One