Chapters View Online
My Little Poro Biscuits are Magic
Why Twilight should never be trusted with ancient babylonian spell books (Chapter 1)
Twilight was sitting at her library reading an ancient spell book. She could understand most of the words in the book, but there was one page she couldn't understand, so she read it out loud, it always helps her read better.
"Poro positivium marabeleum?" she said slowly having trouble saying each word. A bright blue light flashed behind her. "Here we go again." she said being sucked into a vortex looking thing.
She woke up quite some time later. Twilight looked around. The air felt a little colder here. She appeared to be between two ruined looking roads with towering turrets on either side. They looked quite deadly. On one side of the road was two bushes. She could see a bunch of creatures hiding in each one. She looked back and forth between the bushes.
She heard a pinging sound and looked up, a red target was floating above her head. After a few seconds, it disappeared. Then it reappeared and a human child clutching a bear walked forward. Twilight was scared, and was tempted to run away, but the child had something she wanted. When she got up to Twilight, the child bent over and gave her a biscuit. Twilight gladly ate it and did a little happy dance. Then the fighting happened. The bushes exploded as 9 other creatures of various species charged at each other and began fighting. Twilight wished she was out of there. The blue light appeared behind her again and sucked her back into Equestria.
"What was that?" Twilight asked Spike.
"What was what?" Spike asked Twilight.
"I just was transported to another world."
"Are you sure? I didn't see anything."
"But I was just in another world, it was weird."
"No you weren't, you were standing there reading something out loud then started asking all these dumb questions."
That was weird. Twilight thought. I'll just pretend that didn't happen. Twilight resumed reading her book. Ok, I can't, I'm getting my friends and we're going there to find out more about that world. Then Twilight left her tree and got her 5 best friends.
***
"Why did ya bring us here sugar cube?" Applejack asked, confused at the lack of explanation Twilight gave when telling her friends to 'get your tails here NOW.'
"Yeah dahling, I had to reschedule a hooficure for this," Rarity asked.
Rainbow Dash just snored as she was sleeping in the back of the room.
Pinkie Pie just stood next to Twilight silently, for once. Whats wrong with her today?
Fluttershy did the same thing as Pinkie Pie, at least SOMEPONY is in character.
"I called you all here, somepony wake Rainbow Dash up."
Pinkie Pie, acting more like her normal self, jumped up to the sleeping blue pegasus and slapped her thigh.
"OW, what was that for?" Rainbow Dash asked frightened.
"Twilight told me to wake you up because you were sleeping and she was about to say something and OOH I wonder what it is." Pinkie Pie said, if she said it any faster, nopony would understand her.
"As I was saying, I called you all here today to tell you that I have, RAINBOW DASH WAKE UP!" Twilight shouted as Rainbow Dash fell asleep again.
The blue pegasus woke with a start. "GAH, I'm up I'm up!"
"I called you all here today because I have discovered a new world."
"Uh oh." Applejack said.
"I wanted to know, will you come with me in case I need help?"
"Ah guess if ah have to." Applejack said.
"Yes yes yes! Its so boring at Sugar Cube Corner! There is nothing to do, I'll gladly do anything you want me to." Pinkie Pie said, cut off when Twilight pinched her lips together.
"Only if this new world will be AWESOME!" Rainbow Dash said flying into the air and striking a pose.
"Oh, umm, I don't know if I should. Is it safe?" Fluttershy asked so quietly it was inaudible.
"Fine, but if we don't get back in time for my hooficure, you owe me." Rarity said.
"Ok everypony, join hooves." she said as the six mares held each other's hooves to form a circle. "Everypony ready?"
"Yes." the other five answered simultaneously.
"Poro positivium marabeleum!" Twilight said, casting the spell she cast this morning.
"Wait, poro? I've heard that before!" Rainbow Dash said. She started explaining what Twilight just said when a blue light sucked in the six friends.
Spike was sitting on the couch playing his Nintendo DS when the ponies disappeared.
"Twilight?" he asked the nearly empty room. "Rarity?" he asked much more worried as a tear formed in his eye.
My Little Poro Biscuits are Magic
Poros in Ponyville? (Chapter 2)
The league's most feared creatures, Kog' Maw and Cho' Gath were doing a 1 on 1 to settle on of their arguments. In the middle of their fight, six blue lights appeared in the middle of the stage. Six of the cutest creatures ever, the poro, were sucked into the portal and replaced by six different colored poros. They stopped fighting to watch the spectacle, Kog' maw's head halfway in Cho' Gath's mouth. The two creatures looked at the new poros in amazement, had one of them used an ability wrong? Then they looked at each other in hopes the other had the answer. Cho' Gath shrugged and Kog' Maw just stared in confusion. Then they resumed their fighting.
"All right girls, now we just have to figure out where we are and what is happening here." Twilight said.
"Wow, is it just me or are we much lower to the ground?" Rarity asked, a little disgusted when her stomach rubbed on the dirt.
"Yeah, guys, I was trying to tell you before the portal sucked us in. We're in League of Legends. Twilight, you turned us into poros." Rainbow Dash explained.
"A what now?"
"A poro, its a little white fluff ball with 4 tiny little legs and 2 brown horns, but obviously we aren't normal poros, considering out colors, wings, and horns stayed."
The two beasts stopped fighting for a bit.
"What the, poros can talk?" Kog' Maw asked.
"Apparently." Cho' Gath answered.
"Can you understand them?"
"Not at all."
"What do you think they're saying?"
"Probably something about us not giving them our biscuits."
"Ah."
"So, shall we continue?"
"Does this answer your question?" Kog' Maw asked barfing on the ground Cho' Gath was standing on. Then the two started fighting again.
***
Apple Bloom was returning home from a long walk with Winona. The young pony was exhausted, but Winona seemed to be still full of energy.
"Wow girl, how do ya do it?" Apple Bloom asked panting.
"Woof." Winona responded.
"Well, that sure explains it all." the filly said unamused.
As the two walked home, halfway up the road to the farm, a bunch of giant cotton balls appeared. Apple Bloom didn't notice them until she tripped and fell on them.Apple Bloom used tackle.
Wild cotton balls fainted.
Apple Bloom gained 372 exp.
"That was weird, where did that voice come from?" she asked.
"Woof." her collie responded.
"Thanks, that clears it up so much." she said sarcastically. Apple Bloom turned around and looked at the cotton balls. The filly got closer and closer, then she poked one. A black eye appeared and stared at her. Then the ball unfolded revealing another eye and two brown horns. It stuck it's tongue out.
"Hey, that's not nice!" Apple Bloom scolded the cute little being.
"It doesn't know better, it has the intelligence of a fish." Winona said.
"WAIT WHAT? You could talk the whole time Winona?" Apple Jack asked.
"Woof." the brown dog answered.
"Oh no, I'm starting to hallucinate, I'd better get home." the filly said just before she blacked out.
Eventually, Apple Bloom woke up. She was in the CMC clubhouse.
"Hey Sweetie Belle, shes awake!" Scootaloo said.
"She is? Oh goodie!" Sweetie Belle said as she turned away from whatever she was doing.
"What happened?" Apple Bloom asked.
"You got tired taking Winona for a walk and you fainted." Sweetie Belle answered
"How did I get here though?"
"Granny Smith found you're unconscious body and took Winona back to the farm, after the paramedics arrived, they said all you needed some rest, so she let us take you here." Scootaloo answered.
"Were the cotton balls real?"
"Cotton balls?"
"Yeah, giant white balls of fluff on the road.?"
"Oh those things, yeah, they're called poros, and they're over here, Scootaloo and I were taking care of them." Sweetie Belle answered.
The other two CMC stared at her.
"A what now?" Apple Bloom asked.
"A poro, a cute little creature from Demacia."
Both fillies continued staring at Sweetie Belle.
"Oh, so now its a crime to play League of Legends?"
"No, not at all, but what is a poro?" Scootaloo asked.
"Well, its kind of like a dumb mutated pony."
"Can we teach them?"
"Well, they really do like biscuits, so maybe they learn like dogs, give them a treat when they do something right."
"Oh all right."
The three CMC went up to the poros.
"What do we teach them first?" Apple Bloom asked.
"Watt duh ee beach dem purst." one of the poros tried to mimic.
"I think we should just talk normally around them." Scootaloo answered."
"Tink pee ood lust palk dormally dound them." another poro mimicked.
"Wow, they are fast learners."
"Wow, they are fast learners." the third poro mimicked. Every creature in the room looked at the poro who just mimicked perfectly, even the other poros!
"What, I have to do something when I'm on break."
"Can you teach the other poros how to speak?" Sweetie Belle asked.
"Probably." The poro answered.
"How hard was it for you to learn?"
"Not very hard, we poros are in the middle of a war constantly, and the beings at war are always discussing strategies, so we pick up a thing or two about language, well, I do anyways."
"So, will you help us teach the others how to speak properly?"
"Sure, just give me and my friends a place to stay while we're here and I'd gladly help."
"All right, lets get started."
Then the three fillies, and one poro who can speak, began teaching the five poros who can't speak, how to speak.
My Little Poro Biscuits are Magic
Don't Feed the Pinkie (Chapter 3)
Twilight Sparkle and her friends are still trapped in the world of Demacia as the cute little fluff balls called poros.
"So what do we do now?" Twilight asked.
"Wow, you didn't prepare a backup spell to send us back? Whats wrong with you?" Rainbow Dash asked a little rudely.
"Hey girls, I think a new battle is about to begin." Rarity said when 5 beings of various species appeared on either end of the swathe of land.
"OOH, I bet these ones are going to be nice and talk to me and be my friend!" Pinkie Pie shouted excitedly, jumping up and down as much as her stubby poro legs would allow her.
"Ah wouldn't count on it sugar cube, the past hundred times were constant combat." Applejack pointed out.
The six new poros sat around and waited, the 10 creatures took place in the bushes in the middle of the stage and lied in wait. After a minute or two, a bunch of small beings that looked extremely similar met in the middle and fought. A red circle appeared over Pinkie Pie's head and a champion from each time ran up to her and fed her a biscuit.
"Mmm, nummy bsquit." she said with a mouthful. She grew slightly larger than the others and the red mark reappeared. This went on for a while as each champion went up and fed her. After the last champion fed her, she was enormous.
After a few seconds, Pinkie burst into tons of mini-pinkies.
"Oh no." Twilight said obviously concerned as the many new poros jumped around in unison speaking and singing the usual Pinkie nonsense.
"WHY, WHATS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!" Rainbow Dash scolded. "YOU JUST MADE OUR LIVES A LIVING HELL! NO, GET BACK HERE GAREN, I NEED TO KILL YOU!"
"What the fuck?" the living scarecrow, Fiddlesticks, asked. "Did that poro just talk?"
"Yes, I believe so." Riven said caressing her beloved shattered blade.
"OM NOM NOM!" A specific red monster from the void shouted as it leaped from the bushes and tried devouring the two. He ended up leaving both of them at low health, purposely changing targets when the first got low health. They both died when a skeletal mage blasted them with his Requiem spell.
"OOOH OOOH OOH, will you be my friend?" Mini Pinkie 1 said.
"Only if you be my friend!" Mini Pinkie 2 said.
"Can I join your friend club too?" Mini Pinkie 3 asked.
"YEAH." the two mini pinkies said in unison.
The rest of the mini pinkies went up and they had a Pinkie party.
"Well at least they're out of my hair so I can find a reverse spell." Twilight said. "SPIKE, GET ME M, oh, right. Shit."
"No! What the hell are you doing?" Rainbow Dash shouted.
"Trying to think how to get back." Twilight replied as she sat down, giving up.
"Sejuani, get back or use a potion, you're going to die! Skarner, you gotta push!"
After a while, the Pinkies were getting bored with each other, they knew all the jokes and secrets told, they always knew what was going to happen next, so they wandered off and bothered the rest of the poros.
"Hey white stuff, how you doing?" Mini Pinkie 5 said, flirting with a normal poro. It just stared back at her. "How about you and I go into the fog of war and you can gank me all you want."
"Applejack, hey applejack, what do you get when you mix a cup and a cake?" Mini Pinkie 3 asked her orange friend.
"A cupcake?" she answered unamused.
"Ha...hahaha......AHHAHAHAHAHAHA" Ashe laughed, hearing the joke as she ran by, then the frost archer fell to the ground and held her chest. "HHAHAHAHAHAH"
"Ok, it wasn't that funny." Applejack said, staring at the laughing champion.
"Hey hey choey woey, what does your mouth look like inside." Mini Pinkie 6 asked the terror of the void.
"Uhh, I don't know, why?" he asked the tiny pink poro.
"Can I see?"
"Umm, sure?" Cho' Gath opened his jaw hesitantly as the poro hopped in. "Ahhh, ahhh. AHHHH!" he tried to speak, but the fluffy creature dried out his mouth and made it hard for him to form words, he didn't want to eat the poro, it was just too cute!
Pinkies 1 and 2 asked Twilight the possibly most retarded questions ever, like "What would win in a fight, a hedgehog or an elephant?" "Do you think the Loch Mane Monster exists?" "If it was, do you think it would be nice?" "What about aliens?" and "HEY TWILIGHT WHY ARE YOU IGNORING US?"
The point is, the scene was complete chaos.
My Little Poro Biscuits are Magic
Extra conditioning (Chapter 4)
The CMC, after successfully teaching the small group of poros their language, well, some of it, at least enough to have a conversation, though they were quite boring conversations.
"How are you doing Charles?" Scootaloo asked. They decided to name the poros using quite simple and unoriginal names.
"Good." The biggest of the poros replied.
"Anything happen in your life lately?"
"Yes."
"What?"
"Good."
Scootaloo stared at Charles blankly.
"We need to teach them more." Frank, the poro who could speak impeccably said.
"Yes, I concur." George said. Apparently poros could be English and proper.
"So, we have an Aussie, an English, a speech professional, a poro who can't hold a good conversation, a puffball that only can ask completely retarded questions, and one that can't talk whatsoever?" Sweetie Belle asked.
"Yes. We're amazing at teaching creatures from a foreign universe how to talk aren't we?" Scootaloo said.
"Yeah we are!" Applebloom shouted.
"Want to do a quick speech training montage?" Frank asked.
"Even though nobody reading this story will see it, yes." Scootaloo answered.
Oh man, that was one hell of a montage. It was awesome! Too bad you guys couldn't see it, oh well.
"Hello Chad." Scootaloo said.
"G'day mate." the poro responded.
Oh god this is going to be confusing for me later on...
"Are you hungry?"
"Oh sure I am. Quick, put another shrimp on the barby. Or fetch me my boomerang so I can go kookaburra hunting."
Am I going full stereotypical Aussie here or what?
"OK good, and you Frank?"
"Oh no thanks, I've had enough poro-snax while you were training me to speak."
Scootaloo continued to test all of the poro's speech skills.
"Now for the tough part. Sweetie Belle, get over here." Scootaloo said with a devilish grin on her face.
The small white unicorn walked up to the group of poros holding a baseball bat.
"You, Chad, speak." she said pointing at the poro with the bat.
"Why mate? What do you need?" he asked.
Sweetie Belle mercilessly smacked the poro's face with the bat.
"No, you don't have an accent!"
"Oi, why'd you go and do that bloke?"
"You hit him a bit too hard." Applebloom whispered.
"I see that." she replied quickly then whacked the poro again.
"That really hurt! Why would you go and do that now?" he said with a hint of an accent.
"Think hes good?" Sweetie Belle asked.
"Nah, ah think one more hit would be perfect" Applebloom said.
Sweetie Belle drew back the bat, spun it once or twice, turned it in her hoof and swung. The poro stopped it just short of his face.
"NO!" he said, accent completely gone. Chad then ran to the corner and hid.
"Fine. Anyone else have an accent?" Sweetie Belle asked, stroking her bat slowly.
"I'm sorry ma'am, but I believe this is cruel and unusual punishment.Rick said.
Sweetie instantly smacked him in the face with the bat.
"You still have an accent?"
"No." he said rubbing his face.
Sweetie Belle continued whacking the poros with the bat until they all lost their accents.
Yes I am aware this is a bit harsh and racist, but if you were me, you'd do something to make them lose the accents, ITS F*CKING CONFUSING MAN!
My Little Poro Biscuits are Magic
The discovery (Chapter 6)
"Sweetie Belle why are you playing on the computer? Come play Ponyopoly with us!" Scootaloo begged. She hated the game, but it was always fun when Sweetie Belle played for some reason.
"Can I do one quick match please? I almost have enough IP for Lucien and I have never been able to kill him! He has to be amazing!"
"OK fine, one match then you play with us."
"Thanks." Sweetie Belle said as the match finder opened up and asked if she was ready to play. She hit accept. The match was denied. "God I hate people who click decline. Those jerks should get a life." the match finder opened again and she clicked accept. The ARAM started, and she got her favorite champion, Skarner. Her teammates were using Volibear, Quinn, Teemo, and Lucien. "YES, we won this!"
"Match ended that quickly? Wow, that was quick." Scootaloo said.
"OH, no it didn't, I just got a good team, victory is going to happen."
The match started and she took place in the bushes in the middle, one of her teammates spammed a ping on a Yellow poro which had tiny wings. There were six odd poros all huddled in a group. They were all different colors.
"Scootaloo, come here." Sweetie Belle said. "Do those poros look familiar?"
Scootaloo went over to the computer and looked at what her friend was pointing at. "Oh my Celestia."
"Quick has anyone seen our sisters and their friends lately?" Sweetie asked.
"Only Pinkie Pie at Sugar Cube Corner." Applebloom said.
"Yeah, but something seemed odd about her, normally when she meets someone new, she starts preparing a party."
Sweetie Belle typed something in the chat in LoL.
***
"Twilight?" Asked a crystal scorpion. The name above it's head was Sweetinator.
"Yes?" Asked the lavender poro.
"OMG, Twilight Sparkle?"
"Yes, thats me."
"It's me, Sweetie Belle!"
"Thank Celestia someone I know plays this game! Help us, we're trapped in the game!"
My Little Poro Biscuits are Magic
"Sweetie Belle, re you playing on a laptop?" Twilight asked.
"No, I only have a mac." Sweetie Belle answered.
"Do you have walkie talkies or some other way of portable communication?"
"What the fuck is happening?" Quinn asked.
"Shut up." Sweetie Belle replied then ignored her.
"Ok, I need you, it has to be you, to go to my library, and some pony has to stay here to tell you what I say."
"Ok. I'll get Scootaloo on it."
"OMG! Twilight Sparkle? Sweetie Belle? Scootaloo? HOLY SHIT! This is heaven for me! Playing with famous characters from my little pony!" Lucien said. Then Sweetie Belle ignored everyone on her team.
"Ok Twilight, Scootaloo is at the keyboard." Sweetie Belle said then gave Scootaloo a walkie talkie.
"Ok scootaloo, tell Sweeite Belle everything I say."
"O qukk sp." Scootaloo said back. Sweetie Belle ran over and quickly typed something.
"Sorry, she's not good at typing, hasn't used a computer for a while."
"Its ok, now Sweetie Belle go to my library."
"Ok, on my way now. Scootaloo will type anything I say."
"OK, tell me when you get there."
After a few minutes, Scootaloo said Sweetie Belle got there.
"Sweetie belle, find the spellbook, it should be on the reading podium, unless Spike cleaned up."
"She found it."
"Page 371 second spell down in the third column. She has to say it backwards!"
Sweetie Belle read the spell carefully in her head to avoid accidentally casting it. She has never cast a spell more powerful than lifting a pencil to write when her arm was tired. It might be too advanced for her.
"Muelebaram muivitisop orop!" she shouted, using all of her energy. Her small horn glowed an intense shade of blue. The color was brilliant. A perfect deep sea blue. A few loud pops sounded. Then there was a small explosion. Sweetie Belle was knocked back and the immediate area was charred.
Sweetie Belle coughed once and called Scootaloo on the walkie talkie. "It, blew up."
"WHAT?" Scootaloo shouted nervously.
"I think it may need more magic training than I have."
"Twilight says get your mom or your dad."
"Get my mom got it." Then Sweetie Belle bolted home as fast as she could.
After a few minutes, she burst through the doors. "MOM!" she shouted.
"Mommas not home right now." her dad said, looking up from his newspaper. "But you could always ask for my help."
"I need magic."
"Yeah, you better wait for mom." he said as he slumped into his chair and hid his shame behind the paper. He was still wearing the straw hat as usual, so nopony could tell if he was a unicorn or not.
"Where is she?"
"Grocery shopping."
Sweetie Belle turned and ran to the grocery store.
"MOM? MOM? MOM?" she shouted running up and down the aisles until she found her mother.
"What is it Sweetie?"
"I NEED YOU AT THE LIBRARY NOW!"
"Why honey?"
"I need help!"
"Oh no are you bleeding in your place? Why does puberty always hit my kids early?"
"What? No."
"Oh, thank Celestia. So what do you need?"
"Magic!"
"Why?"
"Rarity's life hangs in the balance!"
The mare dropped the box of cereal and used her magic to pick up her daughter and ran full speed to the library.
"What do I do?" she asked when they arrived.
"This one, backwards." Sweetie belle walked over to the spell book and pointed at one of the spells. Her mother looked at the spell. Her horn glowed a perfect sky blue color.
"Muelebaram muivitisop orop!" she chanted. She said it perfectly, not a stumble, as if she has done this hundreds of times. There was a bright flash. Then Twilight and her friends appeared out of nowhere.
"Sweetie Belle, did it work?" Scootaloo asked "The poros vanished from the room and the ones in the game are white and normal now."
"Good, and yes, the spell did work." Sweetie Belle amswered.
"Oh Sweetie Belle, thank you so much!" Twilight said as she ran up and hugged the filly.
"Your welcome, but I didn't do it, mom did."
Rarity came up and shoved the lavender alicorn away from her sister then she hugged her. Rarity kissed Sweetie Belle on the head. "I love you sis, every moment I was in there, I could only think about you!"
The other five mares surrounded Rarity's mom and thanked her over and over.
"Girls, it was nothing, really, just pretend this didn't happen."
With one last thank you, all the ponies returned home. Except Sweetie Belle, she went to the CMC clubhouse.
"Well, it sucks that our new friends all vanished after we taught them English." Scootaloo said.
"Yeah, it kinda does." Sweetie Belle responded.
"There's just one thing I don't understand."
"Whats that?"
"That." She pointed out the window to sugar cube corner where two Pinkies stood staring at each other.
My Little Poro Biscuits are Magic
Sugar cube cornered (Chapter 5)
The CMC were giving the now non accented poros a tour of Ponyville.
"This is Sugar Cube Corner, where we can buy all sorts of sweets." Applebloom said, pointing to the pink building taht seems to be made of candy.
"They sell cakes, cupcakes, candy, bags of sugar, anything with sugar you can think of! They even do custom orders!" Scootaloo chimed in.
"Oh, oh, oh! Can we stop here and eat something? Frank asked.
"Well, I guess we could talk a little break." Sweetie Belle answered.
All six poros cheered. Then all nine of them walked into the confectionery.
"Hey girls, welcome to Sugar Cube corner." Pinkie Pie giggled. Then she gasped. "Who are they?"
"These are our friends. Charles, Chad, Kevin, Frank, Dave, George, and Bob." Sweetie Belle said pointing at each poro in turn."
"Hello Charles." Pinkie said looking at one poro directly.
"That's not Charles, I am!" A different poro said "That's Kevin."
"No, I'm Charles, you're Dave." the third poro said. Then the six started arguing about who's who.
"Guys, settle down, we'll figure out your names later!" Scootaloo shouted.
"Scootaloo, I, I think you have your cutie mark!" Applebloom shouted giddily.
"What?" Scootaloo checked her flank. "OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH!"
"Umm you might want to check again." Sweetie Belle said. "You don't have one over here."
Scootaloo wiped her flank and licked her hooves. "Melted chocolate." She said very disappointed.
"Oh, sorry about that, I somehow got a chocolate bar stuck on the ceiling. Must be dripping from up there." Pinkie Pie said, baking an order of the CMC's usual. "What do your friends want?"
"Poro snax!" Charles shouted. Or was that one Kevin?
"Uhh what?"
Charles or Kevin or whatever the fuck his name is told Pinkie how to make poro snax and she did exactly what he said.
"Here you go." Pinkie Pie said, passing a tray with the stuff on it to Scootaloo.
"Thanks Pinkie, how much?" Scootaloo asked.
"Its on the house."
"Wow, thanks!" Scootaloo said, then gave each of her friends the snack they wanted and they all ate them. WHen they finished, the CMC continued the tour of Ponyville. When they finished, Scootaloo and Applebloom played board games with the poros and Sweetie Belle played League of Legends.
