Flash and Twilight, Sittin' in a Tree...

by meme-asaurus

Rating: everyone
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Romance, Flash Sentry, Slice of Life
Length: 6359

Flash Sentry moves in with Twilight Sparkle. Neither are quite happy about it.

In all honesty, Twilight Sparkle never had much plans for romance. Sure, she occasionally dreamed about finding that one special somepony, but she never had the chance nor the motivation to actively seek him. I mean, all good things come to those who wait, right?

However, when ‘that one special somepony’ is forcibly shoved right in Twilight’s face, it becomes a whole different ball game.

Published 2013-07-28 14:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-10-07 14:21:12 UTC

HE'S NOT MY BOYFRIEND!

“You’re being transferred.”

The words hit Flash Sentry like a slap in the face. “Pardon, sir?”

Shining Armor stared back from the other side of the desk. The desk in question, like everything else in the Crystal Empire, sparkled like a diamond. In fact, the entire office sparkled. And by Celestia, did it sparkle brightly. Back when Flash Sentry was first recruited to the Crystal Empire he had to buy a pair of sunglasses until his eyes could get used to all the reflected light.

“You heard me,” said Shining Armor. “Pack your stuff. You’re leaving first thing tomorrow morning.”

“This... this is outrageous!” Flash argued. “I just got here a month ago!”

In truth, it was about month and a half. When Flash Sentry graduated from Canterlot Boot Camp he immediately requested that he would be posted in the Crystal Empire. In Flash’s eyes the Crystal Empire was a new and exciting frontier, full of all sorts of potential dangers lurking in the snow. His goal was to tame the northern countryside with the all-powerful discipline of civilized law and order, and the best way to do that was to stay posted in the Crystal Castle. To be kicked out just after a month and a half essentially spat upon his goals and ideals as a whole.

In short, he wanted to stay.

“With all due respect sir, I’m staying,” Flash insisted.

“Don’t be upset, Private,” assured Shining Armor politely. He showed no contempt, yet he didn’t back down in the slightest. For a hardened military leader of a winter-stricken nation, he always seemed to be a bit on the pleasant side. “This isn’t because you’re doing anything wrong.”

“Then why are you doing this? You know how much I want to be here!”

“That I do,” Shining nodded. “You want to stay here because you want to be on the front lines, correct?”

“Nothing pleases me more, sir.”

“Well, in case you haven’t caught on, the front lines aren’t here,” grimaced the unicorn prince. “The Crystal Empire may be in a frozen tundra, but it’s far from the dangerous place you make it out to be. The crime rate is at a minimum, Flash. We haven’t had so much as a bar fight around here. The scouts that we post at the borders say that no monsters live anywhere nearby; it’s too cold.

“The point is, I’ve asked Celestia for too many of her Royal Guards. We’re overstaffed. I’ve overestimated the danger of living here. It’s not that you’re not a good soldier Flash, it’s just that the Crystal Empire doesn’t need protecting. It doesn’t need you.”

Flash Sentry lowered his head, pursing his lips together. “I... I understand completely, sir.”

“Don’t take it so hard on yourself, Private,” said Shining Armor. “I’m making sure that you’re going to a place where you are needed.”

“Where’s that?”

“What brings you to Ponyville, Princess Celestia?” said Twilight Sparkle, sitting at her kitchen’s table. Princess Celestia took the liberty to pour the tea for herself, wearing that all-knowing smile on her face as always. Ponyville’s library was a cramped and tiny place, and the kitchen in particular was cursed with a low ceiling, so Celestia had to be extra careful not bump her head on anything. The visit from the sun princess had come rather unexpectedly, but Twilight had tried her darndest not to freak herself out about it. Despite her efforts however, Twilight’s anxiety over upsetting Celestia still showed.

“Please Twilight, for the thousandth time, you don’t have to call me ‘Princess’ in private,” said Celestia with a polite, motherly laugh.

“Sorry, Princess.”

Celestia sighed and rolled her eyes. She'd never win that one, that's for sure. Not willing to dwell on the subject any further, the Goddess of Dawn decided to cut to the chase.

"Twilight, we've decided that you need protection," she said.

Twilight was so surprised, she nearly spat out her tea. "What do you mean by 'we've decided?'"

"I mean 'we' as in Cadence, your brother, Luna and myself," Celestia explained. "We're all very worried about your safety."

"What do you have to worry about?" Twilight inquired. "I've got the Elements of Harmony under my roof; the most powerful magical artifacts known to ponykind!"

"Yes, but you can’t have your friends literally on your side at all times, Twilight," Celestia pointed out. "And danger isn't exactly going to take a holiday."

This wasn't the first time a subject like this had been brought up between Twilight and Celestia. When Twilight first became a princess she had soon made it very clear to her teacher that the newly-crowned alicorn wanted to lead a happy, normal life in Ponyville with her friends. After all, wasn't it because of her friends that she became a princess in the first place? Celestia complied with this, but she never truly dropped the subject.

"An alicorn is a powerful force to be reckoned with, but I know for a fact that they can still die," Celestia continued. "Why do you think I've got those guards outside waiting for me? You honestly think you can live right next to the Everfree Forest without being in danger?"

"But Celestia, I can't have a million guards following me around!" Twilight argued. "Ponyville's a small town. How can I expect to move around practically if I'm surrounded by suits of armor?"

"Yes, I know how hard it must feel," nodded Celestia. "Believe me, it took some getting used to when Luna and I first stepped into power. It felt like we had no sense of privacy with all the security we had, but we knew it was necessary and we got used to it. That's why we're going to break you into this 'royalty' business slowly."

"Slowly?"

"Yes, slowly," Celestia exhaled, thankful that Twilight was beginning to understand. What happened to the days when Twilight Sparkle was eager to please her? To the days when she was a unicorn filly that would simply die if she had been given an F? "You're only going to be given one guard. He will be tasked to the duty of running for help when you're in danger. And if the situation calls for immediate action, he has orders to employ direct force."

"That's it?"

"That's it," nodded Celestia. "Wait a minute. One more thing: He'll have to to stay in the library."

"What?!"

"Don't use that tone with me, young lady. Yes, he's going to be your roommate. What, did you think that he's going to sleep outside in the cold?"

Twilight Sparkle grimaced. "I suppose you have a point..." she said, drifting off in thought of a bodyguard dogging her every move. She began to have an unsettling feeling in her gut. Having a pony that was trained to watch over her like she was the pony version of the Hope Diamond? It would be like being a bug under a microscope.

"Good," said Celestia contently. "Glad to see that you're finally seeing things my way. He'll be at your doorstep by the end of the week."

By the end of the week...

Flash Sentry sat in his train car as the Equestrian countryside rolled past him through the window. As he looked into his reflection in the glass, he thought about how he would greet his princess.

"'Hey Twilight Sparkle, I'm Flash. Flash Sentry.' No, too casual. ‘Greetings Your Majesty, I am Private Flash Sentry. I shall be the one to protect and serve you by decree of Prince Shining Armor and-' Nah, too formal. 'Oh, hello! Didn't see you there. I'm Flash Sentry. You must be-' Okay, that's not going to work. 'Hello Princess Twilight, my name is Flash Sentry, but you might remember me as the stallion that bumped into you twice in a row.' No. That's a stupid one. 'Hi there Twilight Sparkle, I'm your personal bodyguard. You can call me Flash Sentry. Why don't we just lie down on the bed and get to know each other better?' No, that's WAY too creepy..."

The conductor's voice blared through the speakers. "Last stop, Ponyville Station!"

"Crap. Gonna have to wing it."

When the train came to a complete stop, Flash Sentry hopped off with his bags, whistling a tune in the hope to calm his nerves.

Meanwhile, in the Crystal Empire...

"Is he gone yet?" asked Princess Cadence.

"He just left this morning," said Shining Armor. "I still don't understand why you had to set this whole thing up."

"But Shiiiniiinnnng~" Cadence said playfully, "it's been forever since the last time I got to play matchmaker!"

"How do you even know that they'll like each other?"

"You almost sound like I don't know what I'm doing," Cadence remarked. "It's my special talent, remember?"

There was a knock on the door of Golden Oaks Library. Twilight Sparkle stopped reading her book and turned her head towards the closed doorway. Either it was Rainbow Dash asking to pick up the next Daring Do book, or it was the bodyguard that was tasked to shadow Twilight’s every move. Twilight really, really, really hoped it was Rainbow Dash.

*Knock-knock-knock!*

Deep down, Twilight knew that she was in no such luck. Rainbow Dash never used the front door anyway. No, not when it concerned Daring Do. Dash always barged through the nearest open window like an airborne puppy, tackling Twilight and saying, “Where’s the next one? Where’s the next one?”

*Knock-knock-knock!*

At this point, Twilight was just procrastinating. She was always terrible at procrastination. It just wasn’t in her nature.

*Knock-knock-knock!*

Spike walked over from the other room, drawn by the sound of the knocking. He glanced at Twilight for a second, wondering why she was staring at the door like it could reach out and bite her. No doubt that he temporarily forgot that they were expecting a member of the Royal Guard today. Spike was always forgetful like that.

“Aren’t you going to get that?” the baby dragon asked.

Twilight sat in silence, the pressure weighing down her shoulders.

“Fine, be that way,” he grumbled. “Seems like I have to do everything around here...” Without a second thought, Spike opened the door.

“Hello my Princess,” said the stallion in the doorway, bowing to Spike. “My name is Sentry Flas-err, Flash Sentry. I’ve come to be your protector.”

“That’s really flattering,” said Spike, “but you’re talking to the wrong librarian.”

Flash Sentry looked up, meeting the eyes of Spike. “Oops, sorry! My bad!” He looked around, finding Twilight within the time of half a second. *Ahem* “Greetings, Princess Twilight Sparkle, I’m your new bodyguard. You might remember me from the Crystal Empire.”

Twilight Sparkle looked back in startlement, her cheeks blushing pink and her eyes as wide as dinner plates.

Nailed it, Flash silently congratulated himself.

The room continued to be dominated by silence.

Or maybe I didn’t nail it, Flash Sentry worried. Why is she staring at me like that? Was it something I said? C'mon, say something! I’m dying here!”

At the meantime, Twilight was having this reaction:

Words could not express how many emotions Twilight Sparkle was going through. After this endeavor, her doctor would describe that she was experiencing a minor panic attack at that moment, and it was perfectly understandable if she teleported out of the room and onto a random stray cloud about four miles away.

Which she did. Twilight Sparkle teleported onto a cloud four miles away. Wasn’t sure if that was clear or not.

“Huh? Where am I?” Twilight wheezed as soon as she stopped hyperventilating. She looked down from her cloud and instantly regretted it. The town of Ponyville was visible from a dizzying height, and she was not used to heights yet. She silently thanked that alicorns had pegasi magic along with their wings, or she would plummeting to the ground by now. She hugged her cloud tightly, not letting go for the life of her. Once she got a hold of her relatively safe surroundings, she used the quiet scenery and calm, blue sky to try to think straight.

“Okay, okay, let’s go over some facts. Facts are good. Facts are undeniable. Facts are always right. Facts keep me sane.” She took a deep breath, a technique she learned while trying to make the Crystal Empire the annual host for the Equestria Games. “Fact #1: Flash Sentry took me to the Fall Formal back in the freaky-overdressed-monkey universe. Fact #2: That same Flash Sentry was really determined to take me to that dance, so there’s a really good chance that he had a thing for me. Fact #3: Flash Sentry-another Flash Sentry-has been assigned to be my personal guard. Good, Twilight. You’re doing good. Fact #4: He’s going to move in with me. Okaaay, maybe that’s going to be awkward. You’ve been through worse, Twilight. Don’t flip out now. Keep it together, girl. Keep. It. Together. On with the list. Fact #5: Pony-Flash doesn’t know about the freaky-overdressed-monkey universe, so there’s no proof that he has any of the same feelings for me. Fact #6: My friends like to tease me that I allegedly had a freaky-overdressed-monkey for a boyfriend, BUT THAT’S NOT TRUE! HE WAS NOT MY BOYFRIEND! I WENT TO ONE DANCE WITH HIM! ONE! FREAKING! DANCE! AND CONTRARY TO WHAT RAINBOW DASH SAYS, I DO NOT HAVE A FREAKY-OVERDRESSED-MONKEY FETISH!!!”

*Cough!*

Twilight Sparkle whipped around, searching for the source of the sudden noise. Her eyes met an airborne Flash Sentry, flapping his wings to keep aloft and looking directly at her. He stared at her like she just waltzed into a five-star Canterlot restaurant, hopped onto a table, took a swig of the strongest whiskey in Equestria, and started belting out her favorite commercial jingle at the top of her lungs.

After the longest four minutes of Twilight Sparkle’s life, Flash Sentry spoke up. “Sorry ‘bout that. *Cough!* Got something in my throat.”

It was Twilight’s turn to speak. “H-how long have you been listening to me?”

Flash Sentry grinded his teeth, thinking of what to say. This was not a good first day on the job. “Uhh... would you believe me if I said that only heard the things past Fact #4?”

Silence.

“Why did you come here?” said Twilight.

“Well, when you disappeared, I got a little worried,” explained Flash, adjusting his helmet. “It’s sort of my job to worry about you, see?”

“Oh, right.”

More silence.

“Sooooo... you feel like coming down off that cloud now?” suggested the stallion.

“Not really.”

More silence, accompanied by some distant birds chirping.

“Any reason why you want to stay here, Princess?”

“I... have a hard time flying. Not really used to it. I pretty much just know how to glide and preen my wings occasionally.”

Upon hearing this, Flash Sentry grabbed another nearby stray cloud and made himself a comfortable seat. “Hey, don’t worry about it, Your Majesty. I was just the same as you when I started flying.”

“It’s the heights, too,” added Twilight. “Not a fan of heights yet.”

“Look, why don’t I just push your cloud back to the library and get to a comfortable altitude? You can just glide your way to the ground that way. It’ll take only fifteen seconds of flight, I promise.”

Oh, thank goodness. I thought I was going to be up here forever, thought Twilight gratefully. “Yeah, that sounds great.”

“...And then you can tell me what that whole ‘freaky-overdressed-monkey’ thing was about,” Flash finished.

NO! NO! NO! thought Twilight. “That’s... umm... classified information of national security!” she lied.

“It’s a matter of national security... that your friends constantly tease you about?” Flash said smugly.

“Listen smart guy, could you please just get around to moving my cloud closer to the ground?” said a rather irritated and slightly sassy Twilight.

“Is that an order?”

“Damn right it is.”

Without another word, Flash got off his cloud and started lightly pushing Twilight’s.

“Not so fast!” Twilight cried, trying not to fall off.

“Sorry, Princess,” said her bodyguard, “but I promised Spike that I’d get you back as soon as possible. He’s been worried too, you know.”

Twilight thought about this; how she never took Spike’s feelings into consideration. To make a long story short, she felt quite a bit guilty about it, but then justified herself by mentally confirming that she had bigger issues preoccupying her thoughts at the time. In the end, she decided to say nothing about it and promised herself she would apologize to Spike later.

“We’re here,” said Flash, lowering the cloud to near-ground-level. “It’s time to hop off.”

Twilight took in a breath of courage, spread her wings as wide as she could, and leapt off her cushiony platform. She wasn’t exactly Wonderbolt material yet, but she knew one aspect of flying: She loved to glide. Gliding was effortless and graceful. It was like she had a gentle breeze brushing her face all the time. It was one of the most relaxing things in the world, and it only could be beat by watching kittens play in cardboard boxes while you fall asleep in a hot tub. Twilight knew deep down, no matter how long she lived, gliding would always be her absolute favorite thing about being an alicorn. It was almost soothing enough to make her forget about all the things that Flash Sentry overheard. Speaking of which...

“How about now?” Flash asked as Twilight landed. “Feel like sharing yet, Princess Twilight?”

Twilight grunted.

“Look, I don’t know what the big deal is,” he said as he landed next to the Grand Royal Matriarch of the Ponyville Library, “and all I know for sure that you have a problem getting comfortable with me. I’ve picked up some pieces from your little speech, but my years studying criminology tell me that I need more evidence before I can come to any conclusions. I just want to know exactly what all this fuss is about, so MAYBE I can do something about it. Does that make sense?”

“Let’s... get inside,” said Twilight.

“And you’ll explain everything to me?”

She froze, her hoof on the doorknob.

“...

“...

“...

“I suppose you have a right to know some of it.”

Author's Note

Just a idea that’s been festering around in my head. For now, I want to put this story out here, see how you guys like it, and then decide whether or not to continue it. (In other words, I’m saying that I’ll just leave this fic unfinished if I want/need to. It’s a little pressure off myself, you know? Keeps my options open.)

Until then, I’ll just mark this as ‘incomplete.’ In the meantime, I think that the phrase “freaky-overdressed-monkey fetish” needs to be used more often.

Seriously, he’s Not. So, Stop Asking me About it!

One incredibly long explanation later... (Seriously, if you haven’t seen Equestria Girls by now, you’re pretty much in the dark. If your country hasn’t released it yet, stay strong!)

“...And that’s when I jumped back into the statue-portal,” finished Twilight Sparkle.

“That’s it?” said Flash Sentry. “You haven’t heard of... the other me since?”

“Nope.”

Flash hung his head as processed this dump of new information. The two ponies were sitting on Twilight’s bed. Flash shifted his weight, the alicorn princess sitting right next to him. Somehow, Flash Sentry imagined the bedroom of a princess to be a bit more glamorous than the cluttered mess of notebooks and bedsheets that surrounded him. Then again, he was also in a library.

A few paces away, Spike sat on his own bed, watching intently. He had been invited to Twilight’s small debriefing of her travels of another world, since Twilight herself reasoned that he should participate. After all, Spike spent time in the freaky-monkey-universe as well, so why shouldn’t he provide additional input? As such, Spike provided commentary to Twilight’s little story, filling in missing details that she missed or forgot. But inevitably, Spike’s commentary got a bit too snarky at various points and even bordered on the point of interruption and derailment, much to the annoyance of Twilight Sparkle.

Like this little snippet of dialogue, for instance:

“So... are you two going to hook up now?” asked Spike curiously after Twilight’s long-winded explanation.

“WHAT?!” said Twilight and Flash almost at the same time. “NO!!! I HARDLY KNOW HIM/HER!!!” Noticing that they were shouting in sync, our little ponies clear their throats and regained their posture in order to stop performing one of the worst sitcom cliches in television. They wanted to be taken seriously, after all.

“...I mean, it would be unprofessional, dating one of my bodyguards,” coughed Twilight.

“Yeah, that’s for sure,” agreed Flash. “Totally against Royal Guard policy. Big no-no.”

“Hey, I was just wondering,” Spike defended. “Don’t be so touchy.”

“Spike, just... just leave,” Twilight grimaced, rubbing her temples. “Go take the day off or something. Flash and I need some time alone to sort this out.”

“Fine, I’m leaving,” huffed the baby dragon. And he did.

Note to self: Give Spike a talk about avoiding delicate topics, Twilight thought. Honestly, who goes around asking blatant, obnoxious questions like that?? I raised him better!

“So, that Spike’s quite a character, huh?” said Flash Sentry with a painfully awkward grin. It was obvious that he was trying to drive the conversation to a less troublesome subject.

“Yeah, he can be a doofus sometimes,” the princess sighed, “but he’s worth it in the end.”

“I can tell,” Flash replied. “In fact, you just told me about a time he pulled through for you. You know, the thing in the other universe? Where he convinced you to reveal yourself to your monkey-friends?”

“Yeah,” murmured Twilight, smiling at the memory. “He just told me to be myself, and things worked out. He’s smart like that.”

“What exactly is Spike to you, anyway?” wondered the stallion. “Is he your adopted brother or something?”

“The correct term is ‘number one assistant’,” insisted Twilight. “I hatched his egg when I got my cutie mark, and Celestia let me keep him.”

“So... you’re his mom?”

“Yep, that’s pretty much it.”

“You became a mom... when you got your cutie mark? Like, back when you were a kid?”

“Well, Spike kind of stayed at Celestia’s palace for the first few years or so,” Twilight confessed. “I guess you could say that she took care of most of the responsibility back then.”

“Ah, I see.”

Silence.

“Sooooo... this begs the question:” said Twilight, facing Flash Sentry, “What do I mean to you?”

“What?!”

“I think you heard me quite clearly,” she said. “What. Do. I. Mean. To. You? You’ve heard everything. You know my big secret now. I’ve completely opened up to you about the freaky-overdressed-monkey universe, and you’ve said nothing in return! C’mon, give me SOMETHING!”

“Um...”

“Flash, I need to know! I really need to know!”

“Well, I don’t know, okay? I DON’T KNOW!”

Silence.

“Sorry,” said Twilight with a deep breath. “I might still be freaking out about this.”

“It’s okay, I shouldn't have left you hanging, Princess.”

“Please, it’s okay. Call me Twilight.”

“Right. Anyway Twilight, I’m sorry about not saying anything. It’s just... well... there’s no right thing to say, really.”

“No right thing to say?”

“I mean, there isn’t any real proper emotion for this situation, since it never happened to anypony before. I just don’t know what to think. And if I don’t know what to THINK, I don’t know what to DO. And that... really scares me, Twilight. Know what I mean?”

“...”

“Twilight?”

“I think I know exactly what you mean, Flash Sentry.” said Twilight. “And you know what? I’m glad I’m stuck with you.”

“You are?”

“Yes, yes I am,” she smiled. “I’m glad I’m stuck with you as opposed to some stranger that I don’t know the name of. I might not be in love with you Flash, but you’re a great guy. Really, you are! In fact, you kind of remind me of my brother in some ways. You don’t take your job as seriously as the other guards, but instead have this free spirit that seems... human.”

“Human?”

“It’s a term back in the freaky-monkey-universe,” she explained. “It means normal. Mortal. Flawed. Imperfect. Relatable.”

“Oh.”

“My point is, we can get past this. We can handle this. We’re both mature, responsible adults! How bad can living together be?”

“Yeah!” cheered Flash enthusiastically. “What could possibly go wrong?”

Author's Note

I really wanted to make this chapter longer. I really did.
But I also wanted to end it on a high note, and this little moment between our two lovebirds was too good to pass up. Rest assured, this story’s far from over.

Fine, I Like Him, but I don’t LIKE-Like Him!

Nothing went wrong.

For the rest of that day, at least.

Instead, Twilight Sparkle helped Flash Sentry with his things as they made some of the most awkward small talk in the history of Equestria. Eventually though, the conversation steered away from such topics and to things like their favorite memories from foalhood. For example, Flash learned that Twilight wore contacts (but sometimes wore spectacles just to feel smarter), while in turn Twilight learned about Flash’s first time water skiing and how he broke three legs.

But soon enough, Flash had all his possessions in the guest bedroom. Seeing that their work was finished, Twilight served some ice cream from the freezer to celebrate a job well done. Deliciousness and brainfreeze ensured.

The next morning...

Flash Sentry quietly ate breakfast in the kitchen with Spike. Flash was lucky enough to find his favorite brand of cereal in cupboard, Pony-Os. Spike just had some eggs and toast. Unfortunately for both parties, the coffee was terrible due to the fact that they were out of cream.

“Have you seen Twilight?” Flash asked.

“She’s at her desk,” Spike replied. “She’s been there all night.”

“Is that... normal?” Flash wondered.

“For her, it is,” snorted Spike.

“No, I mean is it healthy?” Flash elaborated. “Do alicorns not need sleep or something?”

“They do,” Spike confirmed, taking a swig of the horrible coffee. “It just seems that Twilight sometimes wants to prove that otherwise. She’s sort of a night owl.”

“Hoo!” proclaimed Owlicious.

“No pun intended.”

“Well, I’m going up there,” said the guardspony. “Someone needs to tell her its daylight.”

“Good luck,” said Spike. “Last time she studied this hard, I became Applejack’s servant-for-life and she didn’t even notice.”

Upstairs, Twilight looked like a mess. Her eyes were red, bloodshot and baggy. Her horn was constantly aglow from writing with quills, levitating books for reference, and neatly putting away notes into files. The last time her mane got this messy, bystanders considered her insane. (Well, they would, if they weren’t distracted by a magically enchanted doll.) But despite her rat nest for a mane, Twilight wasn’t panicking. Instead, there was a serene, monotonous rhythm to her studying; her eyes constantly glued to the paper in thought, contemplating every word she wrote with great care.

“Twilight? Twilight Sparkle?”

She nearly jumped in her seat. “OH! Flash, you started me. I almost spilled my ink bottle!”

“Sorry about that,” Flash apologized. “What are you working on, anyway?”

“Oh, this is my dogma!” Twilight said excitedly.

“Wait, what?”

“My dogma,” Twilight repeated, ushering Flash over like a 40-year-old man wanting to show his friends his prized model train set. “You see, three weeks after I got my wings, Princess Celestia said I could open up a new sector of the Royal Church of Alicorns.”

Flash tried to wrap his head around this. “You... want to open a sector of the church? Like, some sort of sub-religion?”

“Yes.”

“And this sub-religion... what exactly is it going to center around?”

“Me.”

Flash Sentry blinked in shock. He wanted to have an adjective to describe what Twilight was planning on, but words failed him. However, ‘ambitious’ came close, but he feared that it might not be strong enough. ‘Egocentric’ was a close runner-up, though.

“You want ponies to worship you? Like, worship worship? Like, ‘Twilight Sparkle damn it all to Tartarus’ worship?” This wasn’t the Twilight he knew. This wasn’t the Twilight he met yesterday. This wasn’t the Twilight that wanted to lead a simple life in the backwater town of Ponyville. This Twilight completely came out of left field.

“Well, they’re not going to worship me,” said Twilight. “I just want them to follow my philosophy. I want to create a new, bold innovative set of ideals. You know, start a new era. One filled with clear morals, friendship, the spreading of knowledge and the pursuit of scientific achievement.”

Again, Flash blinked.

“I’m writing the holy scripts right now,” Twilight continued. “I want to get just the right words to get the message across, so I’ve been up for some time. Hey, what are you doing up so late anyway, Flash?”

“I woke up an hour and a half ago, Twilight. It’s a quarter past nine in the morning.”

“It is?” said Twilight obliviously, raising her eyebrows. “Wow, another all-nighter. No wonder I’m so hungry. What’s for breakfast?”

“We have Pony-Os, milk, toast, eggs and the worst coffee in the world.”

“Sounds delicious,” smiled Twilight. “Maybe I can squeeze some time in the afternoon to take a power nap and-wait, did you say it was a quarter past nine?”

“Yeah, why?”

“OMIGOSH, I’M LATE!!!” Twilight nearly screeched. Her eyes looked like they popped out of their sockets. She dashed downstairs and started running around the library, scrambling things together like a soccer mom on the first day of school.

“Late for what?” Flash Sentry called.

“I’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATE-”

“Late for WHAT?”

“I’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATEI’MLATE-”

With a flash of lavender magic, Twilight was gone.

With another flash of magic, she was standing in Sugarcube Corner. She flicked her gaze around, searching the tables. With little effort, she found what she was looking for: Her five best friends, sitting around a table.

“Morning, Twilight!” called Pinkie from across the room. “You’re late for our Sunday brunch!”

“I know,” sighed Twilight, “and I’m sorr-”

“But that’s A-okay,” the pink ball of fun interrupted. “‘Cuz my nostril got all quivery, I knew that you’ve pulled an all-nighter again, so I decided that we wouldn’t start until you came.”

“And thank Celestia that you didn’t take a minute longer,” snorted Rainbow Dash. “I’m so hungry, I could eat a horse.”

In response, everypony in the room gasped.

“Figuratively,” Dash explained.

Everypony let out a collective sigh.

Twilight walked over and sat down with an exhausted sigh. Mrs. Cake walked over and set down a plate that Twilight’s friends re-ordered for her: A cinnamon scone with chocolate icing. Mrs. Cake was just about to set down a coffee when Twilight stopped her.

“No thanks,” said the alicorn princess, “I think I’ll take a nap after this meal.”

“So, tell us darling,” said Rarity curiously as Twilight adorably munched on her scone, “what was it that you were working all night on this time?”

“Oh, *om-nom-nom* it’s a surprise,” said Twilight with her mouth full of pastry. “I’ll tell all of you *nom-nom* when the time is right.”

“Wow, Twilight,” laughed Rainbow Dash, “You’re sounding more like Celestia every day.”

Twilight paused mid-chew, processing that thought. She took a swallow, and looked Dash quizzically. “What do mean by that?”

Rainbow Dash leaned back in her seat, pursing her lips. “Uhh… well, you know… it just shows.”

“What shows?” said Twilight suspiciously.

Fluttershy spoke up. “I think it’s best if we don’t talk about it.”

Twilight narrowed her eyes. “Girls, come on. we’re all friends here. You can tell me anything, really.”

Applejack started. “Well, sugarcube… it’s not that we don’t have faith in Celestia. Hell, Ah’m just as much of a patriot as anypony, but she… has this reputation.”

“A pattern in her behavior, if you will,” Rarity added.

Now, Twilight was confused. “A pattern? I don’t see a pattern.”

Rainbow Dash shot Twilight a look. “Really? You, of all ponies, Twilight? You don’t see it?”

“What are you all talking about?” Twilight demanded, her temper rising. “What is it that I’m not seeing?”

“I think we should avoid this topic,” Fluttershy remarked. “It’s too sensitive. You all know how much Twilight loves the princess and-”

“No, I can handle it,” Twilight insisted immediately. “If you’re all going to say something, just say it.”

The table fell silent. If these ponies had thumbs, they’d be twiddling them like no tomorrow.

Finally, Pinkie, the biggest mouth of the group, decided to crack. “She keeps secrets! Like, all the time!”

Twilight didn’t even blink. “Explain.”

“Um, whenever we have to save Equestria and everything…” began Fluttershy.

“...we don’t always get the actual details,” finished Rainbow Dash. “Like, she lies about the purpose of the mission in the first place. Major trust issues there.”

“What?!” gasped Twilight. “The princess trusts us completely. Why would she lie to us? In fact, WHEN did she lie to us? Name one good instance where she completely deceived us all.”

Fluttershy shifted uncomfortably. “Twilight, I think everypony’s just cranky. You’re cranky from a lack of sleep, the girls are cranky from eating so late; it’s all a big cranky mess. Cranky isn’t a good mood to be debating in. So, why don’t we just drop-”

Twilight didn’t even listen. “Applejack, you’re the Element of Honesty, right? Honestly tell me one occasion that Celestia lied to us.”

Applejack stared back at Twilight Sparkle for a solid minute, took a swig of her black coffee, and solemnly opened her mouth. “Day one.”

“Day one?” repeated Twilight skeptically.

“Yeah, when you first came to Ponyville,” agreed Pinkie. “Remember? It was that time when you first walked into town and I all like, *GAAASP* I mean, who can top tha-MMPH!”

Applejack removed her hoof from Pinkie’s mouth. “As Ah was sayin’, when Princess Celestia sent ya ta Ponyville, ya wanted to stop Nightmare Moon, right?”

Twilight nodded her head condidently. “Right. That’s what we did.”

“Except,” Applejack continued, “that th’ princess didn’t want ya ta prepare. She wanted ya ta organize th’ festival.”

“That’s not all!” Twilight defended. “She also wanted me to make some friends. That’s preparing, right?”

“Didja know that at th’ time, sugarcube?”

“Uhh… well, no... but that’s just one instance! A little white lie! Ponies tell little white lies all the time, right?”

“What about the time when the Crystal Empire came back?” blurted Pinkie.

“I think we should end this here,” noted Fluttershy.

“Alright, what happened then, from the twisted perspective you all seem to have today??” snapped Twilight.

“Hey, let’s not degrade to insults!” objected Fluttershy. “Erm, that is, if you don’t mind.”

“Well, Celestia just sent us there without the Elements of Harmony!” Pinkie argued. “Every single time a big, bad meanie-butt threatens Equestria, she always makes sure we pack the Elements of Harmony. But that one time, the one time the meanie-butt presents himself five minutes after we get there, she didn’t give us the Elements. I think that’s crazy, and this is coming from me!”

“Celestia is NOT crazy!” Twilight shot back. “She’s a kind, loving ruler who has everypony’s best interests in mind. I’m sure that she had a perfectly legitimate reason not to give us the Elements that one time.”

“Sooo… how come she didn’t tell nuthin’?” asked Applejack.

Twilight regretfully gulped. “There’s… a perfectly legitimate reason for that, too.” With that mental reassurance, she looked her friends in the eye. “Anyway, let’s get back to the root of this little talk: Why in the world would you say that I’m suddenly sounding more like Celestia?”

“‘Cause you’re keeping that thing that kept up all night AND made you an hour late for our Sunday brunch a secret,” said Rainbow Dash flatly.

“It’s not a secret, it’s a surprise,” said Twilight innocently. “I wanted to surprise you all when I finished it. Like Pinkie Pie’s surprise parties, you know?”

“Can’t argue with that,” Pinkie nodded, taking Twilight’s side. “My surprise parties are the best!”

Rarity let out a sigh. “I suppose everypony needs to keep a secret or two now and then. Fine Twilight, we’ll trust you with this. We know you. You wouldn’t keep anything that big from us, right?”

“Right,” nodded Twilight satisfyingly.

“So, that’s it?” muttered Fluttershy. “Everypony’s done fighting?”

“Eeyup,” said AJ, invoking somepony she knew closely in her life. “This issue is now officially dropped.”

“...For the time,” added Dash.

“Fer th’ time,” admitted the apple farmer.

Forty minutes passed. Within the time, the six Elements of Harmony relaxed, talked about their respective lives, and generally enjoyed the food Sugarcube Corner had to sell.

When those forty minutes were up, however, Flash Sentry walked through the door.

“Twilight! I’ve been looking all over for you!” exclaimed the pegasus stallion.

“Hey, who’s this guy?” wondered Rainbow Dash out loud. “He looks a little familiar.”

“Is he new in town?” Pinkie asked her lavender alicorn friend. “I’m gonna throw the best party ever!”

Twilight froze. Her memory flashed back to when she was debating with herself when to tell her friends about her new roommate. In the end (and it was a hard decision), Twilight figured since she didn’t exactly know how to explain to her friends that somepony was going to watch her every move, she was going to cross that bridge when it came. Now that the metaphorical bridge had come, she cursed her past self for not thinking of a plan.

With a few breaths, Twilight tried to relax. “He’s… uhh…”

“You must be the Elements of Harmony,” said Flash Sentry. “Honored to meet all of you. I’m Twilight’s new bodyguard, Flash Sentry.”

“Bodyguard?” Applejack said skeptically. “Twi didn’t say nuthin’ ‘bout a bodyguard.”

Sweating nervously, Twilight slapped on a nervous grin. “...Surprise?”

And that, my dear readers, is when things began to go wrong.

Author's Note

GAAAAWD, IT’S TAKING SO LONG TO UPDATE THESE THINGS NOW.:raritydespair:

I BLAME TECHNICAL COLLEGE.:raritydespair::raritydespair::raritydespair: