Discord's Very First Faithful Student

by Pokonic

Rating: everyone
Tags: Fluttershy, Random, Discord, Diamond Tiara, Slice of Life, Silver Spoon, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders
Length: 30613

Discord takes on a student. That student is Diamond Tiara. Equestria is doomed.

Discord needs something to keep himself occupied that won't make him end up as a glorified lawn gnome for another thousand years. Knowing that causing chaos on any scale he would like is off-limits, he decides to play his hands/claws at a diversion Celestia seems to have a addiction to: teaching students!

While the search for little ponies he can tutor in the ways of chaos is cold at first, he eventually stumbles on a little pony who seems after his own twisted patchwork heart. A little pony who's bossy. A little pony who's annoying. A little pony who, just possibly, reminds him a little of himself when he was just a few thousand years old.

Indeed, this "Diamond Tiara" is going to be the best student he's ever had!

Published 2013-07-29 05:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-01-13 21:53:07 UTC

Mischief To Be Made

In one of Ponyville's nicest parks, under one of the largest, shadiest trees, Diamond Tiara was bored.

Summer was nearly over and that meant school, and school meant schoolwork, and schoolwork meant being forced to share the same room with a bunch of idiot foals who weren't worth the time to deal with their stupidity.

She would say that she didn't even know why she was sitting the park, really; but that would actually be a lie. The reason, she knew, was that this was going to be one of the last nicer days before fall came around, and that her dad wanted her out of the house for most of the day to 'enjoy' it. It was a silly gesture, but she knew that if she didn't complain and went along with it nice things would happen later.

And so, there she was, sitting on a bench under a heavily shaded spot in the main park, trying to pass the time by thinking about what she could be doing, which was bore-ing.

"Hey DT, do you want to go to the arcade?" Silver Spoon said slowly, with a little bit of hope in her voice.

Diamond Tiara huffed exaggeratedly. "Spoon, you know that there are a bunch of weirdos and stuff who go there. Do you want to smell like a sweaty nerd for the rest of the day?"

The little dark grey filly sitting at her left looked a little taken aback, which in Tiara's mind was a good thing.

"We could go to my house. My dad got that pool installed a few day's ago, you know."

Tiara snorted. "Don't be stupid, Spoon, we just got our coats done yesterday."

The grey filly shrugged. "Well, if we are not going to do anything, it doesn't really matter if we keep clean or not, right?"

Diamond Tiara knew that Silver Spoon was right.

This went against the natural order of things.

"Spoon, your pool isn't even that big." the pink filly pointed out after a few good moments of thought. "And your dad would tell my dad. Do you want to get me in trouble?"

"Hey, yes it is big enough for the both of us." the filly replied lamely, her voice starting to become tinged with a sort of mild despair. "And I don't think my dad would tell your dad."

Tiara scooted away from Silver just enough for her to know that she thought differently. "Well, if he doesn't, your mom will tell my mom. Or my dad. Come on, Spoon, don't be stupid. You'r smarter than that, or at least I thought you were."

It said something about their 'friendship' that Silver Spoon accepted that backhooved compliment eagerly. "Well, DT, what do you want to do?"

The pink filly looked around the park, scowling. Admittedly, she liked the park, and a visit to it was usually one part relaxation and one part free snacking. The only thing that really ruined her mood was ponies besides Silver Spoon and herself, and sometimes, even then, that didn't work out.

"Spoon, is that one of the blank-flanks?" she said, pointing off over near one of the small rolling hills a good distance away.

Silver Spoon sighed exasperatedly. "Yes, it's Sweetie Belle and her sister."

Tiara, after turning around, gave her something between a frown and a look of surprise.

"What?" the grey filly said defensively. "They have names, DT. That might have been funny last year, but it's really in bad taste now."

Diamond Tiara's left eyebrow twitched. "Spoon, what did you just say?"

Silver Spoon adjusted her glasses. "Look, I know you don't like them, but really, Diamond-"

Diamond Tiara deflated a little at her using only her first name. She never did that unless she was being really serious.

"-it's really silly you keep on calling them that. I mean, it's kind of, well, immature. You don't sound good when you say stuff like that."

Tiara had heard similar things like that come from other ponies, her father included, but never from Silver Spoon. She wasn't right, right? No, she was being silly, after all, she really didn't hate the Cutie Mark Crusaders, she disliked them for being immature. I mean, really now, they thought they needed to find their special talent, which was stupid. A cutie mark comes naturally to a pony. It's not some sort of scavenger hunt.

But she explained her reasons to Silver Spoon before, again and again and again, and that didn't stop her from telling her off now.

"...Spoon, just go." she mumbled back in response, not really up to a argument. "Just go home."

The dark grey filly blinked in surprise, expecting a more argumentative filly then she was getting. "DT, I didn't mean it like that, come on, don't be-"

"We can talk later, alright? Just go, I don't want to talk to you right now."

Silver Spoon was stunned at the pink filly before her actually looking upset. Oh, she had a temper, she knew that from simply being around her, but now she looked upset in the opposite direction, almost dejected, really. Normally, for any other pony, she would have just said some calming words and possibly hugged her, but this was Diamond Tiara, the filly who had all the emotional depth of the shallow end of a kiddie pool and the impulse control of a toddler on a sugar rush. This, literally, had never happened before.

"Okay, DT, just...I'm sorry." she said quietly even as she jumped off the bench and started to walk to her home.

Diamond Tiara looked at her only friend slowly trot away from her, looking dejected and upset at herself. Frowning, she turned around to look at the rest of the park. Sweetie Bell and Rarity was elsewhere, and it didn't seem like anypony else was in the area.

Wordlessly, she climbed on the bench and moved back under the shady spot that she was sitting in before, but this time laying down on her back. She had her head balanced on the railing and her outstretched hindquarters taking up the space where Silver Spoon was before, and kicked her legs around for a few seconds before going still.

After a few moments, her facade cracked, and she started to giggle.

Sure, she looked like a homeless filly right now, but it was more dignified than sitting on the grass and it wasn't like anypony was watching. Best of all, she got the best spot under the shadiest tree in the park out of it and didn't need to share it with anypony else. She supposed she could spend another hour or so out here, and after that she could have Silver Spoon do stuff for her. Celestia, she had that filly wrapped around her hoof, but that was for her own good, really. Without her, she would probably hang around the CMC's, and if she didn't get to know her when they first started school Silver Spoon would probably still be blank-flanked. Immature. Stupid.

Suddenly, in the middle of inner self-congratulatory pesudorant about how she was right to do what she did that probably wasn't an healthy sign for a eight year old, let alone for somepony of any age, she felt a heavy, cold weight settle on her belly that made her gasp in shock and open her eyes.

She was glad she didn't stand straight up, because, she quickly realized, she didn't want to lose what was in front of her.

She knew she was looking at a giant ice cream sundae. It was in a big wide-rimmed glass with a equally wide bottom, and it was completely filled with what looked like vanilla ice cream with light pink and purple swirls. There was also a cherry and some caramel on the top, but Tiara was more focused on the fact that a big scoop of ice cream had somehow appeared out of nowhere.

She processed that for a moment, before sitting up and taking the spoon that was sticking out of the side of it and taking a bite. Vanilla and...plum? Plum flavored ice cream? Really? Who had ever heard of plum flavored ice cream?

Shrugging, she gave a quick look around the park, just in case she wasn't going crazy or that Silver Spoon hadn't come back. No, she was alone. Somehow, the ice cream just appeared out of nowhere.

Really, she didn't think about why or how it appeared, or even why. Why should she have, anyway? Clearly, it was a gift or something. Maybe, if she wanted to, she could have analyzed the miraculous appearance of a giant ice cream sundae right in front of her, but she didn't have to, and there was no reason to suspect that there was something wrong going on.

After all, this might just be some sort of daydream. She never dreamed, even at night, but perhaps today would be the day. And if was a dream, it was a really nice one, because she was actually starting to like the taste of plum. Really, the sundae had the exact same duel shades of her hair, which was weird but kinda sweet, really.

It took her a few moments of reluctantly eating the tasty treat for her to notice that there was something shifting in the tree above her. After making sure she did not get anything on her coat, as the last thing she needed was some sort of stain on her face when she went home, she looked up, expecting to see a annoying squirrel or something else small and furry.

What she saw wrapped around a tree-limb, however, was not small or furry. At first, it looked like a gnarled and twisted branch, old as dirt and misshapen and odd, but then it suddenly became fleshy and turned it's unnatural face to her.

"Hello, little pony!" Discord said, sounding ecstatic that, after a long day of searching, he had finally found the perfect little pony that he thought he could help.

In response, Diamond Tiara screamed.

Devilish Discordian Deals To Be Done.

Filthy Rich wasn't a stupid pony.

He couldn't say he was always a nice pony, or a honest one; big business cannot be built entirely on pillars of truth. He couldn't say he was always a good employer, or that the farmers who supplied him with goods got every bit they fairly earned. He couldn't say he was a good parent, or even a good husband most of the time.

However, he could say that, without a doubt, he was a business expert, and that the sin against nature that was currently in his office was the same one that once reigned over Equestria ten thousand years ago.

It was also the same one that made everything he touched turn into gold-foiled chocolate for about twelve hours one unfortunate afternoon a year ago, but he didn't get to where he was without breaking a few eggs. Or associating with creatures of unfathomable evil, for that matter.

In hindsight, Filthy thought as he passed through the door-frame to formally greet his new guest, Discord might be one of the classier individuals he has entertained in his home.

"Hello, good sir," he said, watching the demigod hovering over his couch and stare at the floral pattern on the ceiling at the same time, "Any questions before we go to business?"

The Spirit of Chaos and Disharmony yawned, rearing up from the hunched position he had let himself slide into the elderly couch. Filthy always thought the heaviest guest that he would entertain in his home was a member of the Mozzarella business family, who's weight had to be measured in stones and who was rumored to be part cow.

Apparently, he was wrong.

"No, dear boy, it's best we do this now." Discord said, stretching his limbs as he spoke, "After all, I would think you would be asking the questions."

Filthy Rich raised a eyebrow as he made his way over to his desk, a worn oaken thing he valued not only for it's age but for the half-dozen hidden cabinets he discovered in his youth that made keeping documents of dubious legality just that much easier. Taking his time to sit down on it, he smiled complacently at the demigod seated near the other end of the room.

"I suppose you are right." he allowed himself to say, trying to keep a smile on his face as he looked at his guest while resisting the urge to run out of his house, "For instance, why do you wish to take my daughter under your...wing, exactly?"

"Ah, quite the question!" Discord replied, "And a understandable one, at that. Why would one such as I," pausing, he waved a talon over his face, apparently to look dramatic, "wish to take on a apprentice?"

Filthy Rich shook his head. "No, I have no desire to know why you want to take on a student, it's the question of..." his voice turned vaguely pleading, "Why my daughter?"

"She's a exceptional filly, as you must know. Quite cunning and willing to get what she wants by any means necessary, something I would imagine you would appreciate."

A little bit of pride welled up in the shallow bit-lined pit that was Filthy Rich's heart. He always did hope that she would turn around eventually, if only because he wasn't going to last forever and somepony needed to run the company his forfathers creat-

"Why, she reminds me of myself." Discord said jovially, slapping a thigh with a paw as he let out a peal of laughter, "I searched around this entire town for a pony who I thought I could teach, and when I saw her trick her friend into giving up her spot on a park bench because she could, well, I knew I had found the perfect student! You should have seen the way she laughed!"

Filthy Rich, stunned for a few moments, closed his mouth in due time and coughed lightly. He wanted to believe that his daughter would not act so cruel to her only friend, but he knew better.

"I see. So, you wish to take on Tiara because of her ability to..."

Discord raised a talon to interject. "Cause chaos, my good man. Never in all my years have I seen a pony who can properly plan such cruelties or cause such strife and benefit from it so effortlessly. She is a natural at my own art. "

Feeling a wave of shame at his guest's approval, Filthy Rich kept his face straight and his gaze from wavering. "So how do you plan on teaching her, then?"

It wasn't what he really wanted to ask, of course, but he didn't wish to make his guest upset in any way. After all, he was, quite literally, capable of flipping his house upside down at the snap of his fingers.

"Oh, just like any other tutor would, I would imagine." he said, putting a limp-wristed paw forward, "That...school is starting, yes? I shall assist her to the best of my abilities with what she needs helping with first, and then we shall get to assisting with her special talent."

"..My daughter's special talent is wearing a tiara." the stallion muttered under his breath.

Discord cocked his head to the left, blinked once, and frowned. "Hmm?"

"Oh, I was simply saying how I am glad my daughter has attracted the attention of one so powerful." Filthy Rich lied, "But I must ask; what are your qualifications for this job?"

The draconequus blinked, and shifted oddly on his spot on the couch, gangly limbs splayed out and back bent at a strange angle. "I am not sure what you mean."

"Well, who else have you taught, exactly?" Filthy pressed, "After all, my little girl has had her share of tutors, and none of them have succeeded in teaching her very well."

The creature raised a talon in protest, but lowered it slowly, slumping slightly. "I..."

Realizing he had possibly gone a little too far, the savvy stallion backtracked, waving a hoof in dismissal of the draconequus's new found uncertainty. "Now, now, I am sure you are old enough to know some history. Why, I would dare say you were there."

Just like his daughter, Rich observed, the creature on the couch seemed to inflate with a sort of arrogant pride when his ego was stroked in even the slightest of ways.

Sweet Celestia, there were three of them, they were both in his household, and one of them ruled Equestria for a thousand years while the other two were his wife and daughter.

Filthy Rich shuddered in his chair as Discord let out a small laugh, as if he told a joke.

He took time to remind himself that he had a plan for such a event to occur, he just never expected to be forced into doing it.

"Well, I suppose you are quite right." the abomination against creation said good-naturedly. "And on that note, I believe I should be off. Much to get in order, after all. Perhaps we shall start this, say, two days from now in Sparkle's library, two pm. sharp?"

"Twilight Sparkle? The Element of Magic?" Rich said, a little hope seeping into his voice.

"Indeed! After all, it is the only library in this town, it seems, and I cannot teach without books." Discord continued, but frowned after a few moments. "I suppose, ahem, one does use such things to aid in teaching, correct?"

Filthy Rich blinked. Often, he has given advice to powerful individuals and utterly incompetent fools, but never before had he done both at the same time. Usually one brought in the other.

"Yes, that is quite right." Rich said, giving Discord a contemplative look. "On that note, you arrived here five hours ago. You scared my maid, you understand, and my daughter..." he suddenly straightened his posture, a half-hearted attempt to look more authoritative in front of the chaos spirit. "Do you actually know her name?"

"Well, of course I do!" the draconequus blurted, sounding indignant. "Why it is...pink... it is Pink Crown, yes?"

Filthy Rich sighed as Discord looked around the room, presumably to try and find some sort of clue to help him figure out the identity of his daughter's name.

He was going to use his last resort, wasn't he?

"Diamond Tiara. My daughter's name is Diamond Tiara." Filthy finished, sounding mortified that he was even having this conversation. "My wife is coming home soon as well, so you might wish to leave."

He paused painfully, and shook his head. "Also, as a bit of advice, it is generally rude to chase foals all the way to their house, and surprising them by appearing inside their room the exact moment after they believe that they are safe is another no-no I do not want happening again."

To his credit, Filthy laminated, Discord winced lightly. "Ah, yes. Well, it wasn't entirely like that, mind you."

"I just spent a hour reviewing over the recording, actually." Filthy said mildly. "Also, while I suppose the ice cream was a nice gesture, appearing out of nowhere and picking her up might require a few years of therapy."

The demigod's face horribly reminded him of a child's when a adult finds them with a hoof down the cookie jar for a few moments.

"Ah. Well, I see. TwopmsharpgoodsirTwilightSparkle'slibrarymycondolencestothewifecha-cha!"

Filthy blinked once, to avoid seeing the flash the creature made when it departed. The couch looked like it wasn't going to return to the shape it had before, sadly, but what concerned him was what needed to be done in the next five minutes.

"Tiara, dear, you can come inside." he said firmly.

The very old, very valuable wooden door to his office swung open, and his daughter stomped inside and made her way over to his desk, looking utterly furious.

"I'm not going to spend a second with that weird freaky thing!" she shrieked, "This is your fault! That's the weird thing that tried to take over Ponyville last year, dad!"

Filthy Rich smiled at his angry child, knowing better then to reply in a way that would actually give her a reason to think she was right.

"I know, dear, but even if he is a odd individual, he is still extremely influential and powerful. You are quite lucky to have attracted his attention." he said, lying to both himself and his daughter for the sake of keeping him looking calm and collected.

"So is Celestia!" the little filly retorted with venom, only to look confused for a moment. "Like, what was with those flowers you had at the Summer Sun Celebration?" she questioned. "You know, the big blue one's you threw away that spelled 'Welcome Home Our Qu-'"

"Your mother, dear. She was out of town, remember?" Rich said quickly, the tiniest bit of sweat forming on his brow. "A surprise gift, dear. Now-"

"Queen of Darkness? Really?" she said, sounding puzzled. "What does that e-"

"Diamond Regina Tiara, stop trying the change the subject." Filthy said, exasperated. "At the way you are doing at school, I was planning on hiring a tutor that was better suited for your personality, and as it is, the Draconequus, Discord, seems to be at least somewhat knowledgeable in many subjects and actually enjoys your antics."

He paused, his hard look growing softer. "Tiara, we both know your grades are not where they should be, and this year is the last one you have before you have to go to Canterlot High School, and over there, there's no Mayor Mare daddy can bribe with his money to bypass Cheerliee's final decisions."

"But mom always said that there's more than one teacher in high school, and a lot of them are greedy unicorns." Diamond said, sniffling slightly.

"She was talking about Celestia's School For Gifted Unicorns, Tiara. Canterlot High School isn't..." he shuddered, "unionized."

The two ponies hung their heads in unison, one of the few times that could truly be said that they felt the other's pain.

"Fine." Tiara said finally. "I guess I'll go."

"Think of it this way, my daughter." Filthy said reasonably, "Twilight Sparkle was taught by Celestia herself, and she is friends with the older siblings of those fillies you keep telling me about, right? Well, Discord is older and...most likely smarter than Celestia, so you will have a better chance at beating them, grade-wise."

Diamond Tiara's brain worked in odd ways, Filthy mused. She was flippant and uncaring most of the time, but he reasoned that was part of her being a slightly spoiled pre-teen filly. But sometimes he could see her mind churn and twist in way's that reminded him of other ponies he knew, not all of them especially kind but all intelligent and wise.

His daughter had the look of a pony who was weighing her options, going past the immediate opportunity and seeing what roads it would open up, what new ventures could occur from going down that road. It was a look that couldn't really be faked, not matter how Filthy wished he could fake it.

"Okay, that sounds good." she says finally, sounding a little relieved. "I guess."

A few moments later, Diamond Tiara was out of his office, and that gave Rich the excuse to lean back and sigh.

Carefully pressing the correct combination into the small safe set inside his desk, he hissed slightly as he took the contents of it with one hoof and the three glasses beside it in the other.

Officially, there is no such thing as Zap-Apple Cider, as it became illegal to mention it by name by a royal order from Canterlot itself, before his own father was born. Apparently, it involved a pint of the substance, the griffon and minotaur diplomats stationed at Canterlot, and two warring peoples being united after a winged minotaur was elected as the High King of the United Fleecan Kingdoms twenty years later.

In essence, the Apples got a few extra acres of land as a royal gift and his own family got the money to create a branch of Barnyard Bargains in Manehattan, which was good. However, the costs of replacing the wallpaper in the royal apartments destroyed during the 'event' that resulted in the next High King of Fleece was great enough for Celestia to make further production of it a felony.

Filthy shook up the age-worn bottle with that story in mind, and shook up the contents within to watch the colors shift around. A simplistic way to amuse oneself, but he would like to think he was a simple stallion.

Popping the cap off the nigh-priceless beverage, he deftly poured himself a shot and slammed it down his throat.

"Sweet. Slightly spicy."

That was all he could say before finding it a lot harder to keep himself awake, and "Omhp" was all he had to say to his desk as his head gently found it's way on it, allowing his head to be buried under a small pile of paperwork and tax policy updates.

Twilight's To Be Taunted And Teachings To Be Taught

Twilight Sparkle was under the impression that she knew every pony who came into Golden Oaks library, which was very important to her own personal satisfaction with her life. Admittedly, a small part of her had a desire for more ponies to want to come to the library, but even she knew there were times where she didn't actually expect other ponies (there were no strangers when one lived in Ponyville, after all) to walk through the door.

She also liked to think she had a mental list of all the ponies who would come through the library doors. Her friends, of course, were on the top of that list, followed by the varying tradesponies that came into it for reference texts. Then there came the influx of twenty or so ponies who arrived to the library during tax season, to look up one of her copies of Equestria's tax code, which often resulted in her spending a lot of time doing other pony's taxes to pay for the library's upkeep. Of course, the library was made a heritage site some hundred years ago, but she liked to think that she wasn't being selfish when she went through her own tax forms and checked off that she was, in fact, merely a government worker who operated a non-profit library.

To put it in layponies terms, she was quite surprised when she walked downstairs to make coffee and found a small pink filly waiting at a table, frowning at a textbook and taking bites out of a bowl of cereal.

In her kitchen.

Twilight looked at the filly, who had noticed her presence. The filly's frown stayed on her face, and Twilight could only frown back.

"Hello there." Twilight said slowly, "I am sorry, but this isn't part of the library. And the library isn't open today. Now, if you want to come back at around noon or so tom-"

"I know it isn't open today." the filly interrupted her with practiced ease, not a bit of hesitation in her voice, "The door wasn't locked."

Twilight blinked.

Diamond Tiara just stared at her, frowning.

"Arn't you a egghead?"

Twilight blinked again.

"Excuse me?"

"Are-you-a-egg-head." the pink filly said slowly, pointedly, as if she assumed that Twilight was the exact opposite of one. "Just asking."

Twilight Sparkle blinked once more, a thin frown forming on her face. "Did Spike let you in?"

"The dragon?"

Twilight forced herself to nod without doing anything else, like scream.

"No. You didn't answer my question, miss."

Twilight wasn't aware that the word miss could sound so much like slave, and as her coffee-deprived mind started to churn and twist in order to figure out what, exactly, caused a small pink filly to end up her her house without her knowledge, she suddenly realized she knew this filly.

"Who is your father?"

The pink filly shrugged her little shoulders dismissively. "He's Filthy Rich."

Twilight almost, almost, said something along the lines of 'Well, what's his name.', but then she realized the filly in her house was Diamond Tiara, which didn't actually mean much, in the long run, but there was the fact that she was in her house, eating her food.

"Filthy Rich? The owner of Barnyard Bargains?"

"Duh." the pink filly replied after another bite of cereal, "I thought a egghead like you would know the name of the richest pony in town."

Twilight put on her best grin and simply tried to ignore the fact that the filly just insulted her. That was the adult thing to do, after all, considering that she should have been angry at the fact said filly wasn't supposed to be in her house anyway, which was a far more practical thing to be upset at compared to a silly insult.

"You do need to leave, though. Don't you have school?"

The filly shook her head. "No, I don't. And I don't need to leave, I got permission."

Suddenly, however, she gave Twilight a rather unfortunate frown. "Can you help me get rid of somepony? You'r a egghead, right? You've done it before."

Twilight blinked, utterly baffled. "Uh, what do you mean?"

Some primal voice in her head was telling her to levitate the little earth pony and to drop her outside, but that urge was squashed by the very idea that somepony was telling her to get rid of someone else, and said pony who was telling her to do so was, what, ten?

"You shoot a beam of light out of your horn at things the princess doesn't like. And you moved that Ursa..." Tiara paused, in thought, "Minor with just your magic."

"I am part of the Elements of Harmony, and simply because I was taught by princess Celestia it does not mean that I just point my horn at things and-"

Diamond Tiara, to Twilight's indignation, raised a hoof in the air to cut of her words. Her words.

"I know, but I really don't care."

Impossibly, she went back to eating her cereal, acting as if Twilight wasn't even in the same room as her.

Twilight Sparkle was a patient individual. Twilight Sparkle, however, just woke up five minutes ago. Twilight Sparkle wasn't in the mood to argue with misplaced fillies who weren't where they were supposed to be.

Twilight Sparkle also knew that Spike was sleeping over at the Apple household, so the dull claw prodding at her right shoulder couldn't belong to him.

"Discord." she said. frowning lightly. "What are you doing here?"

To her own displeasure, the draconequus did nothing but teleport over to Diamond Tiara, who, curiously, Twilight noted, looked about as pleased at his presence as she did.

"This;" the demigod said with flourish, waving both claw and talon over and across the disgruntled filly on the stool in front of him, "Is my new student, Screwball!"

"It's Tiara! Diamond Tiara!" the filly grumbled loudly, giving a withering glare at Twilight. "Can't you get rid of him?"

Twilight was torn. On one hoof, Discord wasn't doing anything especially bad at the moment, disregarding the blatant home invasion. On the other hoof, he apparently also picked up a bratty filly along with him.

"Discord..." Twilight said slowly, pained, "When did this happen?"

She blinked suddenly, and a desperate, almost tearful edge in her voice started to seep through.

"Why?"

His great grey face sharpened at the ends as he smiled back at Twilight.

"Yesterday!" Discord replied cheerfully, "And why not?"

Twilight spared a glance at Diamond Tiara, who was still sitting up, hooves folded closely to her chest as her nose upturned slightly at two adults in the room.

"Does her father know?" Twilight said mildly, more concerned for the Draconequus than anything else.

The pink filly made a mild groaning sound.

"Of course! Do you deem me irresponsible, Twilight Sparkle?"

"Well, I don't think you have ever had a student before, because if you have, I would have heard of it by now." Twilight said distantly, attempting to piece together a way to end this farce before it started. "I mean, have you?"

Twilight wasn't sure if she wanted him to say yes or no.

To further confuse her, Discord just shrugged his shoulders and winked at her.

"Of course not!" he said cheerfully, "But there's no time to do something like this but the present, hmm?"

Twilight looked at the pink filly at her table, who was now giving both her and Discord glares in equal measure.

She gave the issue some thought.

It took fifteen seconds to come up with a reasonable plan.

"Well, if this is entirely approved by her father, I guess there's no technical reason why I should bar you from using the library, considering you are a friend of a friend." Twilight mused, "But I would think Celestia should know."

At that, Discord just let out a dusty belly chuckle that Twilight was almost certain had to have been practiced at some point while giving a little limp-wristed shake of a claw.

"Oh, there's no doubt Princess Sunbutt needs to know that I'm doing something with my life." Discord said, faux tears starting to form under his miss-matched eyes. "I'm just trying so hard to be good, but after all that hard time, well. it's...it's so hard to adapt to the world as it is, and I don't have any skills I could use to get a real job! Oh. the inequinity of it all! Teaching today's youth is all I have!" he sobbed out loudly, blowing his nose into a hanky that didn't exist until he needed it.

Twilight, in order to advert her eyes from the embarrassing display her least favorite friend was causing, looked at Diamond Tiara, and saw that the filly was slumped in her seat, chin on the table, and was giving her a smoldering look that could have boiled water.

In fact, Twilight mused, she was doing a rather fine job of looking uncannily like Opel when the little fiend got caught in the rain.

"I'm going to go see Fluttershy." Twilight continued, "She know's about this, right? Please tell me she does."

Discord looked at Twilight, and with sudden, eager awareness, he booped her nose with the back of his paw.

"Don't tell the little pegusus, it's meant to be a surprise." he said, tone surprisingly serious giving the grin on his face.

Twilight blinked, mostly because she was still recovering from the violation of personal space, and just shook her head.

"I won't, as long as you don't try anything."

Discord's grin stretched a little wider. "Try what? Teaching?"

Diamond Tiara and Twilight Sparkle sighed at the same time, and one would have some trouble in determining in which one, exactly, was the most depressed by his answer just by facial expressions alone.

Twilight gave a Discord tired, defeated look, one that belayed how much she was actually dreading the day to come.

"Don't destroy the library, Discord, and don't even think about touching the Elements."

Twilight was too tired to bother hiding her real issues with him in her house, but at this point she was more worried about Diamond Tiara, who was still looking at her like she was the one who didn't belong in her house.

"Does she need to study anything in particular?" Twilight said finally, going over the situation in her head,

"I have to make a report up about a period in pony history." Diamond Tiara half-mumbled into her cereal bowl.

Twilight shook her head lightly, and gave the draconequus half-floating to her right a curt look.

"What about the Age of Discord?" she said mildly. "You have a first-person witness, after all."

Diamond Tiara smiled slightly. For a few guilty seconds, Twilight almost wanted the filly to start frowning again.

It wasn't a very nice smile. Pony smiles were supposed to bring joy to others who looked at them. Diamond's smile...couldn't.

"Yeah. I guess I do. I'm going to do something that nopony else is going to do." she said slowly, indulgently, that un-smile creeping over her face. "Nopony else could do."

Discord didn't answer Twilight, but the big one-fanged grin he gave her was enough to tell her what she needed to know.

Saying nothing else as she carefully walked out of her own kitchen and, eventually, out of her own house, she paused when she heard the sound of her front door close behind her.

The morning air was chill and crisp. It was a nice day. The grass looked rather tasty. The breeze was enjoyable. On a better day, she thought, she might have been drinking her morning coffee on her balcony, making notes on the pegusi's cloud movements for cataloging. She did that, occasionally, because Rainbow Dash's attempt at keeping the weather team's records was so poor that Twilight decided that she was just going to do it herself.

Regardless, though, Twilight knew this wasn't going to be one of her better days. This probably wasn't going to be on anypony's list of better days.

After a few minutes of standing in the half-light of morning, Twilight Sparkle started to run away from her own house as quickly as her chubby legs could take her.

The first train to Canterlot would be running in a few minutes.

Lessons To Be Learned

It took five minutes after Twilight Sparkle left the library for Diamond Tiara to get her stuff together to set up on the main table that dominated the library side of the tree-house.

It took five seconds for Diamond Tiara to get angry at her self-appointed teacher, because it took five seconds for him to say the words that crushed the plans for the day that she formed a few moments before.

"What do you mean you can't tell me what you did for thousands of years until we talk about something else!"

To Diamond Tiara's fury and disbelief, Discord just shrugged his shoulders and gave her a goofy grin.

"My dear;" he said, still somehow finding humor in what Diamond thought was a massive betrayal of her invested semi-trust, "surely you must wonder why I chose you as my protege!"

"Because I'm smart and important!" the filly barked back with enough force to give even the eons-old draconequus pause,"Because you'r old and crazy and picked me out of a bunch of ponies my age because you are weird and creepy!"

Discord frowned momentarily, but quickly recovered, raising a over-sized claw to rap at the table, to catch the filly's attention.

"Only part of what you have said is true." he said, distressingly soft. "And it is not for the reasons you believe, but I intend on solving that."

Diamond blinked once, and Discord was gone. For a moment, she thought he wasn't going to come back at all. For a few more moments, she thought she was going to wake up in her bed, easing off a rather cruelly vivid dream.

To her surprise and shock, Discord appeared on the tabletop directly in front of her textbook pile, barely the size of a pencil. He was also sitting on a couch, equally tiny.

"Watch and learn, my student!" the old thing continued on, waving a tiny, tiny claw over to her, voice still clear even at his current state, "You might learn a moral for the first time in your life!"

Diamond was so busy huffing at the creature's rude assumption that she didn't see the little ponies appear on the table.

They were stylized and tiny, rounded faces and pointy-hooved, but they were unmistakably ponies just from the cutie marks they bore and the bright array of colors they were. Five could fit on her hoof, Tiara thought dimly, and they moved around fluidly, not like any clockwork animatronic she has seen in any of the toy expos her father took her to when she was a bit younger. They were not toys, she realized, but illusions. She was looking at a little scale modal of Ponyville, or at least a little village. She could make out the markets, the town hall, even her own house!

Diamond was so busy looking at the little ponies covering the table she didn't notice the lights in the library dimming slightly, or that the table now gave off a soft glow.

She did, however, notice a little spotlight come down from nowhere and center on Discord, who was half-wrapped around what Tiara realized was the schoolhouse.

He was pointing at a group of tiny little figures, which were moving a bit more animatedly then the less detailed purple one standing nearby.

"In all my years, I haven't met any creatures more entertaining to watch then you little ponies." Discord said evenly, "But do you know what ponies need in order for there entire existence to be justified, my student?"

Diamond didn't say anything, but leaned in a bit closer, to see the figures move around. She spotted three that looked even more lively then the ones around them; one was a light yellow with ruby-red hair, one was a orange winged one with short cropped hair topping it's head, while the other was a tiny white unicorn with carefully sculpted curly hair.They were running around freely around the diorama, leaving the area of the school and rushing through the markets and streets easily, passing by larger 'adult' figures easily.

The diorama suddenly went dark, and when it reappeared, there was a single large, still crowd of the pony-figures, standing still. Dozens of beady, sightless eyes stared into Tiara's questioning ones, and neither group blinked.

"Ponies are such wonderful little creatures, but in order for their best attributes to come to light, they need an extra element to be present in there lives. What's a bunch of nice little pastel colored ponies when they, peace and harmony incarnate, are the only things around, hmm?"

At that, the crowd of ponies suddenly parted in a fluid motion, and in the center of the circle of seemingly frightened ponies were some rather familiar figures. There was a light blue unicorn mare with some bright lights flashing above it every so often and a little wagon right behind it, a dark Alicorn with sharp teeth, eyes bright as emeralds, and what looked like a figure of that griffon that flew around in Ponyville for a few days, all standing around in a circle, all looking remarkably nasty and sharp-edged

"But what does that mean?" Tiara half-mumbled, to Discord's delight.

In response, the trio of evil in the center of the circle vanished in a puff of non-existence, replaced by Discord himself, who resembled, in most respects, the figures he had been creating at this point. Diamond dimly wondered if it would hurt if she tried to poke him.

"My dear student, have you often thought of yourself as being different then the other fillies in your class?"

Diamond scrunched up her nose at the question; the freak of nature who happened to be talking to her now sounded like the doctorpony her father took her to last year, the one that kept making her draw pictures to express her feelings or something and kept getting upset when she kept drawing a picture of herself with crowns and robes, standing over a bunch of other ponies from on top of a castle made out of diamonds to screw with him.

"Sometimes I feel like I'm surrounded by idiots. But that's because most of them are." she said slowly, now more confused over the question more then anything.

Discord almost looked upset at her answer, which made her rather upset in turn.

"What? I'm being honest."

To her amazement, he started to laugh.

"I was right! I was right!" he wheezed out, falling on his back and rolling around like a epileptic serpent as he let out cackle after cackle, "You'r one of them!"

"One of what!" she yelled; yes, yelled. She was a little embarrassed at her outburst, but something about this entire situation felt like it was building to something, and considering who she was talking to, she knew it was important to her.

"You are a very special little filly, Diamond Tiara. You will be a very special little pony, because you will make others change."

The underlying smugness, the pure self indulgence in his voice, made Tiara shiver a little. It was horribly familiar, for some reason.

"I still don't understand." she said simply. This wasn't Diamond Tiara being stubborn; this was Diamond Tiara being eager to learn.

Discord didn't say anything before he vanished, and Diamond Tiara didn't get to say anything before she vanished for a few seconds.

When she opened her eyes and took a shuddering breath, she looked to her hooves and found that she was standing on hardwood.

Shocked beyond words, she looked up and saw her classmates standing around her, in a circle.

Of course, they weren't really her classmates, because ponies generally didn't look like oversized toys, but the general effect was the same. It only took a few moments for her to realize the point her so-called teacher was trying to tell her, and when she figured it out she stood on her flanks and crossed her forelimbs over her chest, seething.

"What does this even mean!"

She almost screamed when Discord's face, which was ugly enough when she wasn't the size of his single fang, looked down at her from above. He was even uglier when Diamond could pick out every little wrinkle on his face; then again, she wasn't going to say anything, because right now she was probably the size of that fang he had.

"You, my student, are what ponies define themselves against! You are what keep others in check, on the right path!" he said grandiosely, voice somehow sounding the same even at this angle. Diamond Tiara only scrunched up her nose at his words because she caught the distinct stink of sugar coming off the draconequus's breath. "You are an instigator for ponykind!"

Discord paused, and in a flash of light appeared in front of Tiara, looking pleased with himself.

"Ponies need outside forces to keep them in shape! Surely you have seen this yourself, with your own eyes? How they fall apart without a strong hoof pointing them in the right direction?"

"But...I'm a pony." Diamond replied, taking a reflexive step away from Discord.

Discord started to clap slowly, as if in applause.

"Correct! But you are special because you are able to insert your will onto others without effort! Ponies are not usually so able to separate themselves from the group, little Tiara, but you? You are a completely independent thinker, able to think entirely for yourself! So few ponies are able to think about there own benefit above all others, and so few have the mental capabilities to use that own awareness of their needs effectively!"

Diamond's right eyelid twitched lightly at little Tiara, but at least she could appreciate a complement. And what he was saying was a lot different then what her father or her teachers have told her over and over again, but it somehow made sense. What if she was a little different then other ponies? Would that be such a surprise, going by how some of the other fillies and colts in her class acted?

While Diamond pondered his words, Discord turned swiftly to her, looking more gleeful by the second."You have potential to be a very important pony, my student, but you need to be refined."

Diamond tried her best to try and find a hint of deceit in the creature's voice, and she couldn't find any.

"What do you mean by refined? And what are you getting out of this?"

Discord looked at her oddly. Or, rather, he looked at her more oddly then his usual look was.

"I intend on teaching you how to use your very own special talents to improve your life, in a manner that will not get you kicked out of this little town, of course." he said slowly, as if confused by her question.

Tiara was unimpressed by the explosion of confetti that came behind Discord, or, at least, she didn't look impressed.

"You didn't answer my question." she replied darkly.

"Chaos, dear child! This town needs chaos!" he continued to speak, this time lower and more forcefully, "And you will be the one who will be bringing it in my stead!"

Diamond scoffed lightly, an instinctual reaction. "I'm not stupid! I don't want to end up a lawn ornament like you did!"

Without warning, Discords almost jovial expression transformed into a caricature of pure, unadulterated rage.

This lasted less then a second, but Diamond Tiara closed her eyes and mouth in fear and didn't dare to say anything else, even when she started to float off the ground. She didn't dare open either of them, even when she felt that she was laying on top of her textbook-pile, even when she realized she was back to normal and was still on the table.

"But enough about that," Discord said, good humor now sounding slightly forced as he tapped on her namesake that was precariously balanced on the top of her head, "Lets talk about controlling that unfortunate temper of yours."

Diamond Tiara tried to suppress a groan, and failed.

Friends To Be Fooled

Silver Spoon, in general, thought there were two major events in her life that defined her.

The first event was a choice; to not move in with her father to Fillydelphia when her parent's decided to live in separate cities. Spoons and Supplies was a modest kitchen-appliance manufacturing company for many years until Wooden Spoon, her great-aunt, made a deal with a pony who had the unfortunate name of Stinking Rich. This allowed them to be the prime manufacturers for kitchen and tableware products for the then-upcoming Barnyard Bargans chain of market stores. However, this meant that business was mostly in the cities, and the Spoon family was both rather small and controlled the business entirely, with not a single manager for the business not bearing the Spoon name. As such, her father decided to oversee the main operations plant personally while her mother decided to stay in Ponyville.

It wasn't like they had no love for each other, Silver Spoon knew better then that just from how they acted. After all, her father visited often and with good cheer, and her mother was busy herself with managing sales and operations from the comfort of her own home. Perhaps it would be more practical for the two to move to one place or the other, but they both were quite independent and knew better then to step on each other's hooves.

But, perhaps she should have went with her father three years ago. Fillydelphia was a large city, and there were plenty of ponies worth knowing. Ponyville was the same, but Silver Spoon just didn't like the small-town feel. It wasn't just because of the horrible death forest in a half-hour's travel from the town (even though that was a part of it). It was just that, really, Ponyville didn't seem to know if it was really a small town or a free-range insane asylum. The ponies here were either boring or utterly dedicated to be as crazy as possible, and to make things worse there were only a few hoofull's of fillies her age in town.

Fillydelphia might have been large and noisy and industrial and filled with ponies that probably didn't expect to find themselves smelting steel for the rest of their lives doing that exact thing and almost nothing else, but it was consistent in it's dourness. And it had a upscale area with parks, so she actually didn't need to go in the nasty areas if she didn't want to.

But, she decided to stay with her mother, a choice that her father respected and her mother appreciated.

That led to her currant situation in life; friends only with Diamond Tiara, granddaughter of Stinking Rich, enemies of almost every other pony her age by association.

But that she could live with, for the moment.

Because, really, the second big event that changed her life was assisting Diamond Tiara in getting her Cutie Mark.

That wasn't to put down getting her own cutie mark (it involved a tour of a kitchen for the homeless in Manehatten and helping a rather scrawny foal reach for a paper plate); but the series of events that got the pink filly her cutie mark were rather strange, to put it one way.

They were in Canterlot because her Mr. Rich needed to go see some important pony or another, and Diamond invited her with them. Eventually, the two of them found themselves in a fancy clothing store that carry line's either bearing the names of famous models or were worn by famous models, and Diamond Tiara happened to have a small thing called Daddies Money and a wish for something nice.

The problem is, a few minutes in their little exploration of the store, a manager ponies stopped them and politely asked them to leave, and for Tiara to put her namesake back where she found it.

Now, this had several inherent problems in it, and more only came to Silver's mind as she looked back on it, two years after it happened. Firstly, Diamond Tiara was wearing the, well, diamond tiara she got for her sixth birthday when she walked in the store. Secondly, they were not actually doing anything wrong; this wasn't hyperbole. They knew to behave because they were not young ruffians and this wasn't the first fancy store that the two had been in by far.

But, that was just a detail, because the manager decided to remark that she had a servant's cutie mark.

This made both her and Diamond offended.

Then the manager said that Diamond's tiara needed to be back where it needed to belong.

So the manager, actually smirking, plucked it off her head in her magical grip, teal light lifting the expensive object just slightly out of reach of the two fillies.

Silver Spoon remembered being angry for a few moments before hearing some of the most commanding things she had ever heard come from Diamond's mouth, directed at the manager pony of course. She didn't hear the entire rant the pink filly threw at the manager pony, because she was too distracted by the bit's of light forming on Diamond's flanks.

But, after Diamond was finished, the manager pony, now looking at Diamond with something between fear and embarrassment, gave her back her tiara and trotted off to elsewhere in the store. It took a few minutes after the two walked out of the store and a few moments for Tiara to calm down till Silver Spoon could call direction to the mark that formed just minutes before.

Diamond Tiara thought her special talent was being able to wear tiaras elegantly. Everypony else seemed to think that too.

Silver Spoon didn't think that was true at all.

A tiara was a bit like a crown, after all.

Silver Spoon was in her room when she heard the doorbell ring.

Slowly, achingly, she pulled back the warm, soft sheets on her bed, grabbed her glasses of the small table that sat to her right, blinked a few times, stumbled down to the, made her way across her room in the pitch darkness, and went down the hall.

Her house wasn't especially large, but Silver liked to think it was a nice one. Everything that should have shined did so and everything that had to be soft was soft. What wasn't an antique was probably bought in the last few years or so; shiny family pictures were next to paintings of decent value and what wasn't marble tile was plush beige carpeting. It was a comfortable house.

By the time Silver Spoon made her way to the living room, a modest affair with three couch's and a television for her father's movie collection, the doorbell had rung twice more and her ears were starting to hurt a little.

Silver Spoon didn't know who or what to expect when she undid the lock on the door. Salesponies, perhaps.

It wasn't Diamond Tiara, anyway.

Silver blinked at the filly standing at her doorway. It had been two days since she had last seen her, and she looked worse for it. Her hair was slightly disheveled and her namesake wasn't sitting on her head properly. She wasn't frowning, but her mouth was pulled at an angle, like she had something foul on her mind but she didn't want to say it.

"Uh, wanna come in?" Silver said slowly, a little dazed from both waking up and seeing a pony she didn't expect to see for a while.

Diamond just nodded lightly and made her way over to one of the couches, not saying another word.

This, to Silver, was rather distressing.

"What's the matter, Diamond?"

"Am I a bad pony, Spoon?"

Diamond's reply was quick, almost unthinking. Silver walked over to where the other filly was sitting, frowning as she sat down next to her.

"Did somepony say something to you? Don't listen to them." Silver replied, trying to sound encouraging, "You are not a bad pony."

For a few moments, Silver Spoon thought she saw a far more familiar look pass over Diamonds face, one of agreement with her words. But it must have been a trick of the light.

"Nopony said anything to me." Diamond said, voice sounding a little odd, like she was knowingly telling a lie. "It's just that...Silver, am I a mean pony?"

Silver Spoon wasn't especially ready to lie to her only friend so early in the day. Well, it wasn't like she was ready to lie to her at any point in the day, but she wasn't prepared to do something like that without real mental preparation.

"Diamond, you have been a bit... well, you have been bossy." she says slowly, trying not to sound like she was being a critic even though she was; "Remember last year, with the Foal Free Press?"

The pink filly broke out into a weak smile, a honest one. "Yeah, that was fun."

Silver Spoon couldn't help but frown. "Tiara, you didn't talk to me for the entire time you were the head of that paper."

Diamond Tiara's expression didn't change, but her voice held a hint of surprise.

"Silver, that's impossible. I had to have-"

"You didn't." the grey filly said, voice firmer then she intended, "And you didn't say a word about it when you stopped being in charge of it. You were so focused with bossing ponies around you didn't even notice I wasn't even around."

Silver Spoon stopped talking, because her brain only caught up with what she was saying after the fact.

She repressed the urge to put a hoof over her mouth.

Diamond Tiara, to her mild surprise and dismay, didn't have any strong external reaction to what she said. Silver Spoon knew, if there was any word she would use to describe how Tiara acted, it was physical. She wasn't good at hiding her emotions.

Either the pink filly had some sort of epiphany within the last few days, or she knew this already.

Silver Spoon didn't believe that either could have occurred in the last few days, so she thought harder about what could have happened.

"Somepony did talk to you." Silver said lowly. "Who? Was it somepony your dad hired?"

Diamond Tiara was silent for a few moments.

"You know that house on the edge of town, with that one pegasus?"

Silver Spoon blinked.

"I don't have anything planned, so yeah, of course. Your dad hired one of the Elements of Harmony to talk to you?"

Diamond Tiara hung her head low slightly.

"Kind of."

Silver Spoon knew better then to press the topic, and decided to comfort the filly.

"You are not a bad pony, Diamond. You just have a strong personality. Most ponies don't have strong personalities."

"Silver, why are you even my friend?"

If Silver Spoon had something in her mouth at this point, she would have spit it out.

"Diamond, what's the matter with you? I am your best friend."

"I know, but I don't get it. Nopony else has ever wanted to be my friend. I don't get it. Why you? I don't deserve you as a friend. I see you look at the Cutie Mark Crusaders sometimes. I know that you want to talk to them without me around."

Silver Spoon couldn't help but stare at the filly sitting next to her.

"Tiara, you are my friend because you are smart and you know me."

It was true, really. They understood each other well enough that they didn't really feel the need to go out and find other friends. Or, at the very least, that was Silver's rationalization of her situation.

"Silver Spoon, you are the best friend anypony could ask for. You should know that."

Abruptly, Diamond Tiara stepped off the couch and headed for the door, leaving Silver Spoon alone and surprised.

"Thanks, Tiara. I'm sorry for what happened in the park."

Diamond, by then, had already opened the door to leave, but paused for just a few seconds to look at Silver Spoon sadly.

"Don't mention it, Spoon. That was my fault."

Silver Spoon couldn't think of anything else she could say before she saw the pink filly walk out of her house and shut the door.

Sitting on that couch, Silver Spoon could only feel a sense of impeding dread.

Diamond Tiara was five minutes away from Silver Spoon's house before her facade cracked.

"What was the point of that? That was stupid." the little filly hissed as she adjusted her namepiece on her head, voice down an octave.

Discord scurried down the tree closest to her, in the form of a squirrel. It was a little disconcerting to Diamond, but her rage and general confusion outweighed her instinctive fear of mutated-looking squirrels with horns and mad eyes.

"You'r friend trusts you, but you put almost no care into how you act around her. Consider this a new beginning."

Diamond glared at the disguised draconequus, stomping a leg for emphasis. "That doesn't make sense. Silver Spoon just think's I'm weak now. That was embarrassing."

Discord rolled his shoulders, expression unchanging. "Hardly. You saw her reaction to what I told you to say."

Diamond paused, wincing internally. "Silver Spoon never talked to me like that before. That's your fault."

"What, giving you criticism?" Discord replied uncaringly, "I never actually said anything to your friend there. If you heard something you didn't agree with, I had nothing to do with it."

Diamond Tiara turned away from the rodent on the tree, huffing. "Whatever. Now, are you going to help me with that project or not?"

"Of course, after we visit Fluttershy." Discord replied.

"Ew, really? The pony who lives with all those animals?" Diamond says, sticking her tongue out in disgust, "Can't we just visit the dump or something?":

Diamond Tiara looked at the squirrel, who suddenly had a expression of rage that simply didn't look right on a furry mammal.

"Have you figured out nothing?" Discord hissed back, causing Tiara to take a step back by shear reflex, "You are a alienating presence to your only friend, yet you continue to act like a utter fool! If you want to be successful, you must learn to give back, or at least pretend."

"Pretend to be what?" Diamond half-yelled back, realizing that, right now, she looked like a crazy filly who was yelling at a oddly attentive arboreal rodent.

"Affable. To be good natured, friendly, and easy to talk to." Discord said in return, sounding high-pitched and mocking, like a parrot. "If you continue to act like a brat, ponies will treat you as one. If you act like a nice filly, ponies will treat you as one. Do it all the time, and ponies will not think you are a bad pony."

"I am not a bad pony." Diamond replied back, if weaker then she wanted to.

Discord looked at the filly, and shrugged once more, little bony shoulders bulging under his brown hide. "You are not. Yet, anyway. Keep acting like you do, and I'll visit you in Canterlot's Castle's courtyard in decade or so."

Diamond just stared at Discord until he popped out of existence, and stood at the base of the tree for a few moments before she started to walk back to her house.

She has had enough of being taught for one day.

Cottages To Be Crashed

Fluttershy was in the middle of making tea when she heard someone knock on her front door, which startled her slightly, as it was early in the morning and she didn't expect guests. Oh, she didn't spill anything or do anything rash, but she was quite in the middle of getting comfortable for a day consisting of absolutely nothing at all, with all the animals fed and her friends having filled schedules.

But, as she wasn't one to leave a pony outside, so, after gently putting the kettle on the stove, she flew over to the front door and opened it, letting out a welcoming "Hello."

Fluttershy kept smiling gently until she noticed that she didn't see anypony in front of the door.

Until she looked down.

Fluttershy blinked when she noticed the little bejeweled tiara, and the pink form of the filly wearing it. Big blue eyes that were remarkably weary looked back up at her, and when Fluttershy realized she was looking down at a filly, she flew back a few feet into the house, to give the strange filly who strangely reminded her of someone some room to walk inside.

"Oh, are you here to find a pet?" she said mildly, hoping it was the case. The filly looked a little sad; Fluttershy hoped she wasn't here about a sick pet, or worse.

"No." the filly replied flatly, causing Fluttershy no small amount of surprise. "I'm here to talk about you're weird freaky friend."

Fluttershy only blinked once at the filly, even when she wiped her hooves on the carpet directly in front of the door and walked inside her house, but her mouth wavered lightly.

"Now, I am not sure what happened, but if you are worried about Pinkie Pie and the exploding muffins she ma-"

"I'm talking about Discord."

Fluttershy suddenly realized that this was likely going to be a long conversation. Her friendship with Discord wasn't a secret, but it wasn't exactly well known.

There was a reason for this, of course. As much as Fluttershy didn't like it, you couldn't just say that one of the most dangerous entities in the world visited your home every other weekend for lunch and small talk around the average pony and not expect them to react strongly.

But, that only left her close friends and their family, the Mayor, and the Princesses themselves who knew that Discord was even on the continent, let alone walking free and unfettered. And as far as Fluttershy could tell, this filly was none of the above, which made it all the more troubling for her.

"Oh. Would you like to sit down?" she replied after a few moments, heading over towards her kitchen, only to pause halfway into it. "Would you like some chamomile tea? I have honey and milk if you want."

Fluttershy smiled at the filly's frown struggling to stay on her face, especially after she settled down one of her green couches. As upset as the filly was, Fluttershy hoped that she could answer the filly's questions.

"I would like some, thank you." the filly mumbled. Fluttershy's small smile grew slightly. The filly did remind her of someone she knew.

Fluttershy already had two teacups out, as she always did expect a bit of irregular company even on days like this, and as she filled it, she thought about if she knew the filly just from sight. She frowned lightly when she realized that she wasn't one of the Crusaders, or any of the ponies they hung out with.

"Ah, I'm sorry, but I don't believe I got your name." Fluttershy spoke up after a few moments, slightly embarrassed.

"My name is Diamond Tiara." the filly replied plainly. She sounded quite bored. Fluttershy winced lightly.

She tried to remember if she had heard the filly's name before, which was met with failure. Realizing that she didn't really know the filly at all, Fluttershy settled on assuming that the filly heard something from her parents and wanted to know for herself.

"So; what do you want to know about Discord, Diamond Tiara?" Fluttershy replied mildly, only to pause after a few moments after pouring her own cup of tea.

"I don't really want to know anything about him. I just want to know why you're friends with him."

Fluttershy sucked in a breath unthinkingly. She needed to approach this delicately, and in a orderly fashion.

She didn't say anything when she took the tea tray on the counter and flew over to her living room, settling it down on the table in the middle of it and sitting down on one of the cushions on the floor.

"Well, I am his friend because I don't believe anyone ever gave him the chance."

Diamond Tiara didn't say anything when she took the mug on the table, cradling it with both hooves.

"Why not? Doesn't he have other friends?"

The filly's face was filled with a mix of apprehension and confusion. Fluttershy felt another wave of deja-vu.

"No, I don't think he ever had a friend before me. He's very old, you know."

Fluttershy watched as a bit of unease eased it's way into Diamond's face.

"So...why doesn't he go back to where he lived before coming here?" the filly said quietly, before continuing. "Wouldn't there be more of whatever he is there?"

Fluttershy frowned delicately, but she hid it from Diamond by taking a sip of her own tea. "No, I wouldn't think there would be another one of him. He's a one of a kind, but I don't think that bothers him too much. I don't think he even had a family, really."

Diamond Tiara's face turned rigid, becoming a mask to hide her thoughts. "But, why are you friends with him? He's evil, isn't he?"

Fluttershy's frown, which was beginning to vanish, stayed on her face solely due to that comment. "He's not evil, just misunderstood. He thinks quite differently then most ponies, and he's just very powerful. He didn't know that he was doing anything wrong when he attacked Ponyville."

"You can go to jail for doing stuff you didn't know you were doing wrong, though, right?"

Fluttershy blinked at the filly's comment. Her tone was just off, like she was talking about this as if she had already thought it over a dozen times beforehoof.

"Yes, that's true. But Discord thinks differently then ponies. He didn't know what he was doing was wrong. Punishing him for what he did would be much like punishing a squirrel for hiding food for the winter."

Fluttershy watched as the filly squirmed around slightly on the couch, and couldn't tell if she was honestly uncomfortable at the topic or was just trying to avoid touching her legs on the hot mug in front of her.

"If you're his friend. why haven't you asked about where he's from? If he acts so weird and isn't from Equestria, and doesn't look like anything from here, wouldn't that be something to talk about?"

Fluttershy lowered her head slightly, looked at the tea in the cup in front of her, and, after a few moments of deep thought, took a sip.

"He doesn't know, actually. He has a bad long-term memory, and I think he's slightly embarrassed that he doesn't remember where he came from."

Fluttershy was talking from personal experience; it took him months to comprehend that using a door was polite, as apposed to blasting holes into the side of her house or simply popping out of corners that didn't exist before he wanted them to.

But, while she was musing on that tangent, she also noticed that a look of almost pure rage flashed over Diamond Tiara's face. A wave of mild panic went over Fluttershy when she noticed that the filly's cup almost fell on the floor.

"He lied to me." the filly hissed quietly, in a tone that was very out of place on someone who couldn't have had been alive for more then ten years, "He lied to me."

Fluttershy, having a feeling that this was a conversation that was going to prove to be very important to the next few days of her life, carefully placed her cup of tea, barely being held between her trembling hooves, and placed it on the tea table so it wouldn't spill between her clumsy limbs.

"Little one, how do you know Discord?"

"He convinced my dad so he could be my tutor." the filly said forcefully, hair and headpiece bobbing lightly as she shook her head, "Because he said that he thought he could help me refine my natural talents."

Fluttershy almost overturned the table she was sitting in front of as she stood up and stretched her wings; a purely nervous gesture.

She took a deep breath, and did her best not to look alarmed, which she failed at quite badly.

"When did this happen?" she breathed out, taking another deep, even breath.

Diamond Tiara narrowed her eyes. "Three days ago." she spat.

While Fluttershy was starting to be offended by how the filly was talking, she heard a knock on her door, so after nodding briskly at Diamond, she trotted over to it.

She hoped it was Discord who would be the one who would be the person on the other side of it.

It was actually close to the exact opposite of Discord who was standing outside her house, in fact.

"Hello, Fluttershy."

Fluttershy looked up, simply too stunned for words.

Princess Celestia smiled gently at the internally-hyperventilating pegasus, a look of benevolence and peace on her face.

"May I come inside?"

Princesses To Be Preturbed

Celestia often thought back on memorable events in her life when she had the chance to, much like any other pony who has the time to look back on their lives. Of course, the sense of scale of what constitutes as 'memorable' becomes slightly different when one has lived to see a thousand years.

But, there were some that stuck in her mind. Besides the obvious ones the history books could name, there was the time when some lesser noble who's name was now lost from history attempted to obtain the Neightcronomicon, in order to usurp her rule. He actually managed to track down its location within the castle, through bribes and magical scrying, only to flee Canterlot in shame when he realized that the only copy left in the world was being used to hold up a leg on Luna's favorite reading desk.

There was also the time when she visited dragon lands, to see the new high king being crowned. She had to politely refuse a marriage proposal from a high noble who was several meters long and had a name that was older than Equestria itself, and Luna had to deny the gift of a fur cloak, which, besides being a faux-pass in pony society to wear hide, was made from the entire pelt of an Ursa Major and could have been draped across Canterlot itself.

All in all, besides five attempts at her life and an rather embarrassing incident when one of the bat-pony guards was caught snuggling with one of the younger drake courtiers, the king was crowned successfully. As a token of good will, he provided the egg of one of his brothers, as an offering of peace. Luna's offering of Blueblood the Tenth as a trade for the egg was greeted by the dragon's as a show of good humor, but the dragons were probably unaware that the prince had two enchantments on him; one casted by herself to prevent him from saying anything rude, and another that her Luna placed under him, to prevent him from screaming.

Yet another day she tended to review in her head every so often took place roughly five hundred years ago, when a group of ponies who called themselves the Daughters of Nightmare Moon attempted to assassinate her, only to be foiled by another group called the Sons of Sombra, who were also trying to kill her. For whatever reason, both groups assumed that the other was trying to stop the other and they wiped each other out within a weeks time. While the resulting mess caused by two groups of secretly evil unicorn nobles revealing their evil intentions at the same time and subsequently trying to destroy the other wiped out three noble bloodlines and required one of the halls of the castle to be rebuilt, Celestia still remembered the looks the two cult leaders had when they faced each other, giving that they were husband and wife.

Dark humor was her sister's forte, but Celestia couldn't say that she didn't take humor when she found it.

She also took to traveling a bit around the world for a decade, during Equestria's early years, visiting lands to formally announce her rulership and to alert all the peoples of the world of her existence. She spent a day in a Zebra king's palace, sat in a peace talk between the Hippos of Denile and the Rhinos of Horneo, and grazed among the Gazelle and Giraffes. She had toured Roam, and ate her own weight in pasta between Fleece and Prance. While evading Minotaur marauders and Satyr bandits, she met with Griffon archons and Pegusi helots alike on her way west, finding the former surprisingly agreeable and the latter distressingly xenophobic and brutal.

She then took a year-long journey down below the surface of the world, both to avoid the cold of the northern steppe and to see the strange realms that her sun did not touch. While the Diamond Dogs of Pawland took great care to pretend that they did not want to end her life, the king of the Cavern Cats of Purrisa defecated on her gift of precious jewels when she visited their dusty court. As if in a attempt to appear even more hostile, the Changelings of Tir Na Bog sent a squad of very heavily armed diplomats to 'greet' her and to give her false directions, which led her so down below the surface of the world she felt the heat of the core of the world itself.

Regardless of how she felt on the creatures of the Underdark, the lands where her sun were a constant present were far more inviting, and she personally found that the Camel sheikhs and Horse sultans were equally hospitable, even though Celestia suspected that their good will had to do with her ability to control the sun. The lands of the Elephant rajahs and Naja ranas were splendorous to behold, and even though she did not personally agree with the former's treatment of their water buffalo subjects and fervently objected to the latter's wars with the Garuda and Rakasha's, she took notes from how they ruled their lands all the same and enjoyed their general affability regarding her existence.

The lands of the steppe bison were hard and uninviting, much like the steppe bison themselves, but she made her existence clear to the tribes all the while. In the lands of the Markhor shah and Centaur khanates, her arrival was greeted coldly, but understandably so; they were both still wary about ponies due to the 'diplomatic incidents' regarding Tambelon and the destruction of Midnight Castle, and she herself took pains to smooth things over with the leaders of both groups.

The fact that her journey ended with a Kirin shogun ordering his troops to fire at will when she was in sight of his domain didn't make her especially upset, but finding out their emperor claimed that he controlled the sun did. A quick magical message to Luna to lower the moon for a few moments was all it took to solve that little mistake, of course. She stayed around to oversee the crowning of the new emperor, to make sure the younger one wasn't anything like his forefather.

But, for all the sights she has seen and all the things she had heard, there were still times when she could be caught off guard by her very own subjects, the gentle-minded pastel ponies who she loved with all her heart, body, and soul. The ponies she traveled the world for the sole purpose to not be surprise by their capabilities.

Such as earlier today, when her favorite student flung the door to her throne room open, mane mussy and eyes wide, half-screamed out something resembling "Discord convinced a filly to be his student!", let out a little wheeze for air, and slumped on the ground.

Besides Twilight apparently forgetting that she could simply have Spike send a letter, or teleport, for that matter, the knowledge that the most powerful being in Equestria's borders apparently had picked out a heir of sorts caused Celestia to suddenly be very, very aware that something of deep concern had occurred, and it was, in fact, partially her fault.

Ducking slightly so that her horn did not mar the door, Celestia quickly took note of the homey little dwelling of the bearer of Kindness. She found herself in simple wooden house, very homey and very clean.

There was also a small pink filly with a little bejeweled tiara sitting on a couch in front of a tea set, who was sitting very, very still.

"Fluttershy, would Discord happen to be here?" she asked slowly, seeing that the filly was stunned by her presence.

Celestia noted that a look of understanding passed over Fluttershy's face, and that she didn't need to be told why she was here.

"No, Princess." Fluttershy replied lightly, before taking a quick glimpse outside, where a chariot, two royal guards, and a very concerned Twilight Sparkle were parked directly outside the house, "I don't mean to be a bother, Princess, but I was on my way to see Twilight. I am sure that Discord will be here soon, though."

Celestia smiled warmly at Fluttershy. "Oh, there is no need to apologize to me, Fluttershy. I am sure Twilight would like to see you."

Raising her head slightly, she turned to look at the small pink filly with the mug in her hooves, who was staring at her wide-eyed.

Lowering her head, she looked back at Fluttershy, who, after a few moments, gave one of the tinier nods to ever occur in history before walking out of her house.

Celestia, without saying another word, slowly trotted into the living space set in the main room and settled on simply standing on all fours, because when one's job consisted of sitting on one's butt for eight hours a day one tried to stand up as much as possible for the other six hours one was awake for to enjoy.

"Ah, hello, my little pony." she said to the filly, who was still giving her that awful staring look, "May I ask for your name?"

"M-my name is Diamond Tiara, Princess."

"Diamond Tiara." Celestia repeated, looking the filly over once more, memorizing the name. "Little one, you do not have to call me 'princess'. You can call me by my name, if you wish."

Diamond Tiara's mouth opened and closed a few times, like she wasn't sure if she wished to respond or not, before finally taking in a small breath and shifting the cup between her hooves.

"Yes, Celestia." she said slowly, like the name was an unfamiliar one. Celestia nodded slightly, in approval. It was a start.

Eyeing the tea table and the abandoned cup of tea on it, the princess frowned lightly.

"Do you know why I am here, Diamond?"

The pink filly gulped lightly, and Celestia felt a ting of guilt.

"My dad hired Discord to be my tutor."

Celestia just gave the filly a little smile of conformation.

"Well, you must be quite the filly to catch his eye, then."

Celestia paused, looking over Diamond Tiara once again. The filly's name wasn't one she recognized, but she wore a rather expensive piece of jewelry and had a odd glint in her eyes that was vaguely familiar to her. While she didn't believe that Discord cared a single whit about a pony's background before he tormented them, Celestia supposed that it would be prudent to at least know who among her subjects would allow their daughter to be taken under the patchwork wings of the Draconequus.

"Would you mind telling me who your parents are?" Celestia asked sweetly.

Diamond Tiara, to her slight surprise, suddenly looked eager to talk, and for a few moment's she resembled the epitome of innocent, youthful joy. "My dad's Filthy Rich, the pony in charge of Barnyard Bargains."

Celestia took her time pondering what that really meant, on the grand scale of things. The filly and presumable heir apparent to one of the wealthier companies in Equestria being assisted in education by the Spirit of Chaos spelled dark times for the financial honesty of her realm. But, the question was, did Discord chose the filly because of her status, or did he see some 'inborn talent' he could nurture?

No, why would she think otherwise? Of course he would chose a filly who he thought he could control directly. He had nothing to gain from politics; he didn't have anything to gain from ponies, really, except from the entertainment he could gain from them.

With that in mind, she looked at Diamond with a slight wariness.

"Diamond, what about your mother?"

The filly's apparent good cheer seemed to diminish, and for a few moments Celestia believed that she had hit a sore spot.

"My mom's in Manehatten, Princess." the filly replied, in a way that made Celestia feel a wave of curious familiarity.

"How long has she been there, if I may ask?"

"She's been staying with my aunt for a month, but she's going to visiting Ponyville soon." the filly said matter-of-factually, in a way that made Celestia, the Diarch of the Sun, slightly worried.

It was her eyes, Celestia realized, and the way she talked. Discord couldn't have possible have known that filly had such an unfortunate family, unless...

...whatever drew him to her was due to the symptoms of the filly's situation, not the situation itself.

"Is that so? You're aunt and you're mother must be close." Celestia replied, encouragingly.

Diamond shook her head. "No, my aunt Suri and my mom don't really like each other, but my aunt makes clothing and my mom sometimes works with her to keep herself busy."

Celestia's smile was painted on her face by the time Diamond was finished speaking, and it wasn't entirely due to what the filly was saying. It was due to who the filly reminded her of, and what Discord could possibly be looking for in a student.

The filly's posture was just right, as was her tone of voice. She had the same sort of self-confidence, the same look in her eyes; even her eye's were just a shade darker then teal. Discord couldn't have known, but if she was anything like her, well, her 'special talents' would be much appreciated by the bringer of chaos, for all the wrong reasons.

Celestia suddenly became aware that she was, in fact, staring at the filly, and decided it was time to leave.

"I do think it is time for me to go." she said quickly, fluffing her wings as she did. "Before I leave, little one, has Discord taught you anything yet?"

"No." the filly said easily. It was a lie, Celestia knew, but it took even herself, who had seen generations of sly nobles come and go, a few good moments to recognize that. Diamond Tiara was a very good liar, which reminded Celestia of the only other pony around her age who was capable of lying so smoothly.

But, Celestia didn't betray the fact that she knew that the filly had lied, and simply nodded, smiled warmly, and headed for the door.

"Little one, I think it might be prudent for you to head home. I don't believe Fluttershy will be coming back home soon."

She said that with a smile, and a quick glance outside showed her that the carriage was still parked outside, waiting for her to leave.

"Yes, Princess." Diamond meekly replied. "Am I going to be in trouble?"

Celestia didn't actually respond to the filly's question, as while she was exiting the house, she was busy wondering how Discord managed to track down a pony who, for all intents and purposes, reminded her of no less then a young, hornless Sunset Shimmer.

Worst Pony To Be Established

Worst Pony To Be Established

Diamond Tiara didn't really look up from the ground as she grumbled her way from Fluttershy's house.

It was a long walk from the edge to the Everfree to her own house, as her grandmother saw it prudent, some time ago, to have her family's estate built as far away from the unnatural death forest as possible. However, because of Ponyville's expansion since the time it was mostly earth-pony only, this meant that her house was actually near the exact opposite side of town.

But, this gave her time to think, and stew over the mess that was going on around her.

There was the ugly, stupid, evil thing that kept telling her to do stuff because he wanted too, and nopony could stop him otherwise because there's no actual way of disciplining it. Worse, the stupid thing managed to get her daddy to let it do whatever it wanted to her, as if actually thought her dad had any way of controlling it.

And it just kept telling her the stupidest things, like that she was evil, or that Silver Spoon really didn't like her. Or that she was just like him, and that it just wanted her to be just like him.

Diamond grumbled when she thought about that...farce in the library. He said she was bad. And he got Silver Spoon to say so to, even though it was through her, which just made it worse.

Even those stupid Elements of Harmony couldn't help her, or, worse, didn't want too. She had seen Sweetie Bell and Applebloom being picked up from school by two of them, and sometimes she saw the blue one with the rainbow mane hang out with Scootaloo. Twilight Sparkle was the one that she knew the most about, but all she really knew about her was that she was the princesses student who works in a library, for some reason. Sometimes her daddy went over to the library to very carefully look over the tax codes she kept, because, Diamond didn't believe it at first, apparently they were the only two ponies in Ponyville who kept copies of them! Diamond also remembered that her father occasionally dropped the unicorn's name when it came to finding a way to improve her grades, but, like many things he said, it never bore fruit.

But all that was just petty stuff compared to what happened today. She met the Princess of Equestria, somehow managed to exchange more words with her in some hick's house then most ponies would get to do in a lifetime in Canterlot, and, for some reason, the more Diamond thought about her, it made her angry.

The Princess knew that Discord was a freak, but she let him wander around and let him torment her! Diamond knew that Discord was a bad person, she had seen Discord's statue when he was imprisoned and knew that it was the Princesses that did that to him. Diamond knew that there were a hoofull of creatures that would always be in a cell for the rest of their lives, because of things that they had done. She didn't get why the Princess, who knew perfectly well that that freak was messing with her, didn't turn him into stone and just be done with it. Was it that if you rob a few caravans you deserve to get sent to some far-off prison, but if you manage to turn Equestria into a chaotic landscape twice you get a pardon for ten thousand years of chaos?

...

No, Tiara thought, that's just stupid. The Princess must have had a good reason to let him be. He sure wasn't reformed, or whatever he was supposed to be, but, then again, he hadn't screwed up Ponyville as badly as he did a year ago since he was freed.

But the worst thing, the worst thing, really, was that the Princess didn't even mention anything about that. She just stared at her oddly, like she was one of those odd paintings you could see in one of those weird modern-art galleries, like she was trying to figure out what she was looking at while pretending to know exactly what she was seeing at the same time. And all she did was just talk about her family Seeing the Princess giving her a look like that just made her inexplicably mad, and the fact that the Princess took the time to track her down only to leave her with nothing like a single reassurance was just...!

Diamond, about halfway to her house, had to stop walking so she could breath. She wasn't going to be a idiot and tell other ponies about what she was thinking, because, really, she was being horrible, being angry at the princess for no reason.

She was going home and was going to sleep, or something, because she didn't want to do anything and she didn't want to see Silver Spoon again for real this time.

But, her mood changed when she entered her house, and heard a voice that made her freeze, because she hadn't heard it for a very long time and it made her very, very happy.

She didn't run to the sound where the voice was coming from, nor bounced, nor skipped excitably.

She did something like a mix of all of the above, because she realized that she had actually forgotten that her favorite pony in the world was coming to visit!

When she got down the hall and turned into the living room, she let out a little squeaky sound of happiness and ran up towards the wonderful, beauteous mare who was standing besides her father, who happened to be her mother, to try and give the tightest hug she was capable of.

"Oh, darling!" her mother breathed out, sounding slightly exasperated, "Where have you been!"

Diamond, who was in the middle of squeezing one of her mother's legs, looked up at the mare who looked almost exactly like how she expected to look like when she was older (if she had a purely blond mane and a horn, anyway), and grinned weakly.

"I was visiting Silver Spoon, mom!"

Her mother looked down on her, the slightest bit of confusion tainting her otherwise regal expression.

"Who?"

"Her filly friend, Dazzle." Filthy Rich spoke up lightly, pointedly, like he felt as if he was the only adult in the room and was trying to sound as pleasant as possible, "Tin and Copper's foal."

A flash of recognition passed over Dazzle's face, and smiled gently at her child.

"Well, isn't that just great." she replied, vaguely affectionate. "And is that a..."

She motioned behind Diamond with her free hoof, and it took a few moments for her to realize that she was pointing at her cutie mark, so she stopped hugging her for a few moments to turn around slightly.

Dazzle, after a few moments of observation, eventually broke out into a smile, which caused Diamond to sigh in relief.

"I think it suits you." she said mildly, causing Diamond to nod ever so slightly in agreement. She glanced at her mother's own cutie mark, two white pom-poms crossed over a gold tiara not quite different then her own, and let herself laugh a little.

Her dad, however, looked slightly concerned, bordering on upset, and gave his wife a questioning look.

"Dazzle, she had her mark last time you visited."

Diamond Tiara blinked once, and suddenly remembered that, yes, her mother did see her with her cutie mark, close to the time of her cutecenera, even if it was just for a few days, and suddenly felt a little confused and a little worried about her mother's memory.

Dazzle, for her part, frowned lightly and patted her daughter on the head.

"Oh, sorry sweetie, I'v had a long day, and I just got back from Manehatten, and I-"

"How's aunt Suri doing?" Diamond asked, trying to brush her mother's forgetfulness behind her. She could, after all, relate.

Dazzle grinned lightly, and momentarily, Diamond felt a bit of good cheer.

"She's doing well, dear." Dazzle said distantly to her daughter before turning over to her husband, "Wouldn't you know it, she's actually mentoring a mare!"

"Well, that's expected, I suppose, after all this time. How good is she at sewing?" Filthy replied, sounding as if he had to force some surprise in his voice.

Dazzle let out a little breath for air, in exasperation. "Oh, she's such a sweet little thing, really, but she really isn't all that, ah, efficient. You know how your sister is always so afraid when it came to calling out other ponies when they make mistakes. Really, I had half my mind to mention it to her, but I wouldn't want to tell her that she needed to remind her understudy about her place. She's always been such a tender mare, you know. "

Filthy raised an eyebrow, but his voice didn't change in tone. "Understandable."

Dazzle nodded just enough to make her hair bob slightly. "Speaking of which," she paused, giving her husband a pointed look, "Where is the, ah, help? Where's that one jenny that was always heavy-hooved with the clothing iron?"

Diamond watched as her father breathed in deeply. "Matilda decided to retire after getting married." he said slowly, "Dustpan is still here every Tuesday as well, and Ravioli is still available to cook every weekend. William is working full time as well, but is off today to see his daughter's wedding. We still have four gardeners, but Mossy Fields retired and his son has taken his place."

Dazzle raised a eyebrow, and looked down at the carpet. "Really, the donkey managed to find a partner at her age? Huh."

"It was a lively wedding, Dazzle, I assure you." Rich replied, sounding slightly sour, but Diamond had an inkling that he didn't sound so put off because of the topic. Diamond actually remembered the wedding, because Pinkie Pie put it together and she and her father might have been the only living creatures in town who were not invited.

"Oh, I have no doubt." Dazzle replied, winking at Filthy almost flirtatiously.

His stony expression didn't change, but that didn't seem to bother her a bit.

After waiting a few moments to gauge his reaction, she shrugged and turned back to Diamond, who was waiting patiently beside her. "Diamond, dear, would you like to go visit the spa with me later?"

Diamond looked down on her mother's flawless pink hooves and up at her father, noticing that his left eye was twitching slightly. Diamond knew that he spent the Family Fun Budget for this month during the two hour or so stay Silver Spoon and herself had at the spa a few day's earlier, and it wouldn't get her in his good graces to go get the deluxe treatment at Aloe and Lotus's twice in the same week.

But her mother didn't know that.

Giving her father her best puppy-eyed look for a few moments, the best apology she could think of at the moment, she quickly turned back to her mother, who was in the middle of adjusting her hair.

"Of course, mommy!"

Petulant Parents To Be Pondered

By the time she and her mother had left the house, it was well past noon and bright and sunny. Her mother decided to slip on some white faux-leather shoes before she stepped out the door for some reason Diamond couldn't fathom, but she didn't question it because she wanted her time with her mother to be free from questions and anything resembling a argument.

It was so rare she got to spend time with her, really, and she didn't want to taint her visit with a bad memory.

She felt slightly plain walking next to her mother, with her platinum-blond hair straight and perfect and her coat recently shined and her hooves flawlessly clean, but she didn't think to much of it as they walked down the road; after all, this wasn't anything formal.

Her mother was quiet, though, which made her slightly...well, concerned wasn't the word for it, because she simply expected a conversation.

"Hey, mom?"

"Hmm?" Dazzle hummed without looking down, continuing to walk forward at the same pace,

"How was Manehatten?" Diamond asked politely.

"Oh, it was wonderful." Dazzle replied distantly, and promptly said nothing else.

Diamond's smile dimmed a little.

They walked for about fifteen minutes without speaking to each other, and it soon enough they were in the middle of town, close to the mayor's office.

It was quiet day, Diamond was starting to realize, and most ponies were probably either spending time at the park or spending time at their homes. She and her mother had only seen a few other ponies since they left the house, and none of the those that she had saw was of her own age or anything close to it.

She really wanted to talk to her mother about the thing that was tormenting her, but every time she looked at her she just felt awful for even considering bringing it up. Her father she could dump her problems on when it could help her, as could Silver Spoon, but her mother...

Of course she was comfortable with her mother, it just was that she didn't want to make it seem like she had any problems.

Diamond frowned slightly when she saw her mother started to walk at a slower pace than before, before finally stopping altogether to turn to her halfway. She had a smile on her face that made her look like she was only trying out a smile because she had seen other ponies do it, but Diamond just knew better than that.

"Sweetie, is there anything you want to talk about?"

Diamond Tiara, quite suddenly, found herself startled. If she was asked that question by her father, she wouldn't talk about meeting the Princess because even he would have to many questions to make admitting that worth it. But, she guessed, she would talk about Discord and how he made her say awful things to her only friend and how he has been a terrible tutor.

But this was her mother, and Diamond didn't want to associate her currently awful personal life with her sweet, kind parent who understood her better then any other pony she knew. She didn't want to make her worry.

So, she did what she did in these sorts of situations.

She lied.

"No, mom." she said quickly, "I'm fine."

Her mother's smile widened slightly. "Oh, I don't doubt it. What is this about a tutor your father was talking about?"

Diamond wondered if she knew already, about everything, and suddenly felt very, very foolish.

"He's from Canterlot?" Diamond replied weakly.

Dazzle's big smile stayed the same; shiny ivory teeth perfected from two different magical treatments shined in the evening light, each tooth as white as the wool of her scarf.

"How is school, anyway?" she said after a few moments, voice the same light tone she had kept since Diamond had first seen her.

"It's going to start soon." Diamond said.

"Oh, is that so?" her mother said, raising a eyebrow, before turning back to continue walking down the street.

Diamond Tiara tasted something sour in the back of her throat, but she didn't know why.

Diamond had expected something to go wrong as soon as she walked out of her house.

As such, the 'Closed For Martisorrel' sign that hung cheerfully from the from door of the spa written in neat writing and graced with a little half-drawn flower off to the side didn't confuse her so much as made her upset in a sort of obscure way. Really, she could only guess that it was probably some sort of holiday that was probably fun enough for the ponies who stayed open for Hearths-Warming Eve to close up shop to celebrate. For all she knew, there was probably cake involved or something.

"Ah, drat." her mother said when she saw the sign, as if the door would answer her, "Well, so much for that. Hmm."

Her mother didn't sound remotely disappointed, which, for some reason, did not surprise Diamond. Maybe it was because she had already went to the spa earlier, or it was because her mother already looked like she had went to a spa within the last day or so.

"Hey, mom?"

Her mother blinked, as if startled. "Yes, dear?"

Diamond had many questions for her mother. Some of them involved how Aunt Suri was doing, or what she did in Manehatten. But she didn't ask any of the questions on her mind.

"I'm sorry the spa is closed." she said, hoping that the unneeded apology would get her back into her mother's good graces.

Her mother frowned at her words, and patted her shoulder lightly.

"It's not you're fault, sweetie. How about the next time you come with me, we can go to the nicest spa in Canterlot instead of this little hokey place. Won't that be fun?"

Diamond smiled, but it wasn't a wide smile. Truth be told, she liked Aloe and Lotus. Diamond knew that they were not from Equestria, but she thought their accents were pretty and just thought of them in the same way she thought of ponies who lived in Canterlot; different, but just enough to make her want to know more. Besides, she had been to the nicest spa in Canterlot, two years ago on her ninth birthday. While it was nice, she liked the Ponyville spa even better, because it was still good and the sisters knew her by name at this point. Sometimes they let her take one of those expensive shampoos they had around for free.

But her mother didn't know that, and she wasn't going to bring that up.

"It would." Diamond muttered. "Thank you, mommy."

Dazzle smiled lightly at the filly, and started to turn around slowly,

"Oh, it's no big deal. Come on, we'll stop and have a nice lunch on our way back."

Diamond really didn't feel all that hungry, but if her mother wanted to do something, then she wasn't going to say no.

"Okay."

Le Petit Cheval was one of the most expensive restaurants in Ponyville, and was open only a few days of week and usually catered to ponies who were stopping through the town on their way to Canterlot. It was usually only ever open during the week for a few hours as a feeble attempt by the owner at trying to not resemble a pretentiously overpriced restaurant that wasn't made for the ponies of Ponyville. Nopony saw it as anything else, though.

It was all white marble and delicate woodwork, like a chunk of Canterlot that tumbled off the mountain and ended up in the middle of town. Usually, the only time Diamond saw ponies going into it was during a holiday or in the aftermath some sort of special event, like a wedding. Really, most ponies in Ponyville would prefer to take bushel of Apple-family apples and cook something at home than take the same amount of money then, say, eat a few pieces of lettuce lightly sprinkled with some sort of vinegary liquid and hope that their smiles to the waiters looked genuine.

Diamond didn't particularly like the place, because the food really wasn't worth the trip to the place and a peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich was just as good as whatever dainty dish of overpriced food that could be served to her there. But she knew that her mother loved the place, for some reason, because she made a point to eat there whenever she came to Ponyville and had to find something to eat outside the house. She said that it was because it was one of the few real bastions of civilization in Ponyville, but Diamond assumed it was because her mother was used to eating at places like this.

The inside of Le Petit Cheval was about ten degrees cooler than it was outside, and it wasn't especially hot outside, so Diamond tried to not shiver as she and her mother walked inside, hoping that she would adjust to the change of temperature. Her mother didn't seem to bothered by the chill, but she was also wearing clothing, so Diamond wasn't sure if she should bring it up. The interior did not look especially welcoming, either; it resembled its exterior, all marble and shine , not a single scuff or mark anywhere. The white tile floors were pristine and the dark wooden benches and seats were neatly polished. It didn't even especially smell like anything, which was, in Diamond's mind, not the greatest quality for a restaurant.

Then again, her mind wandered, it was possible that they were simply the first ponies to come into into the restaurant all day, because the pony at the front desk took a few moments to wake up. Groggily, the dark grey stallion looked at the two of them with a slightly confused look in his eyes, like they weren't supposed to be there, until he snapped out of his daze and straightened himself out and nodded to her mother.

"Hello, welcome to Le Petit Cheval. May I have your full name and reservation number?"

Diamond noticed that her mother rolled her eyes at the stallions words, as if he was talking about something frivolous, like how much money she could spend in a day.

"Sweetheart, we don't have one." her mother said smoothly to the stallion, giving him a big, winning smile.

The desk stallion stared at her mother like she was going to say something else, but Diamond knew that her mother was simply waiting for the stallion to respond. It took a little too long for the stallion to figure that out.

"Uh, mame, I am sorry, but I cannot let you in without a reservation." the stallion said feebly, looking away from Dazzle for a few moments before turning back to her.

Dazzle shook her head and frowned slightly. She sounded sympathetic, almost, but it was certainly not for the stallion. "I don't see anypony inside."

The waiter stallion visibly gulped. "Mame, I am sorry, but there is a group coming in shortly, and-"

Diamond's mother interrupted the stallion with a wave of a white-clad hoof. "Sweetheart," she said, sounding non-judgemental but ultimately final, "I walked here to have a nice lunch with my daughter. I don't know who you believe yourself to be, but I know what I am and what you are. If you do not get the two of us seats this very moment, I can assure you that your manager would love to know why you refused to seat the wife of the owner of one of the largest companies in Equestria, or why you were asleep on the job."

The stallion, stunned, took a few moments to reply. Diamond felt only a little sorry for him.

"Would the madam prefer a closed booth or table?"

"Booth." Dazzle answered swiftly.

The stallion nodded immediately and, noticeably trembling slightly, motioned for the two of them to follow him.

Diamond suddenly realized that she wasn't so hungry anymore.

The food was decent enough; she settled on a salad and a glass of water. Her mother did the same, but didn't seem too interested in her food so much as paying attention to the waiter pony who was serving them. He was a bit more dignified than the one at the front counter, or at least was more prepared for ponies to actually eat food, and simply took their orders and refilled their glasses every so often.

Dazzle wasn't a very talkative eater, but neither was Diamond, so the both of them were pretty much fine with not saying anything to each other. There was some light music playing, but Diamond wasn't really paying attention to it, preferring to stab at her plate with her fork and spear a slice of tomato or two whenever she thought she needed to try and keep up appearances that she was hungry.

She was wondering what she was going to do about Silver Spoon; she needed to talk to her again soon, explain what was going on and stuff, and maybe try and get some stuff done on that summer project. Diamond, grudgingly, needed to talk to Discord about that, if only because he was probably one of the oldest things on the planet and, if anything, she could probably trick him into doing most of it.

Diamond was in deep thought when she saw a pair of well-dressed ponies walk inside, accompanied by a waiter. In her daze, it took Diamond a few moments to recognize them, but when she did she felt a wave of surprise.

Big Macintosh was one of the more identifiable stallions in town, especially because he was so big, but somehow, somewhere, he had found a tuxedo that fit him. His light flax-colored hair was brushed and his hooves looked like they had been shined and smoothed down recently. It took Diamond only a few seconds to realize that the stallion must be on a date.

His date, though, was just as surprising to Diamond as seeing the workhorse in a tux; it was Miss Cheerilee, looking almost unrecognizable to the filly in a blue dress and hair styled into little pink curls. Diamond knew that her teacher, hypothetically, had a social life and was a living, breathing pony that existed outside the schoolhouse, but seeing her on a date in the middle of an otherwise empty restaurant was a bit of a shock. She was pretty and didn't look as stressed as Diamond normally thought of her as, but she chalked that up to makeup.

The duo were seated at nearly the opposite side of the room, and while they were talking too quietly for her to hear what they were saying they were both clearly happy. Diamond thought it was a little funny that they kept looking at each other so much that they didn't notice that they weren't the only ones in the room, but her own thoughts were interrupted by her mother letting out a little quiet laugh.

"Now, who would have thought. Cheeriloser and the farmer's boy. That's adorable." Dazzle said quietly, before looking at her daughter and speaking just loud enough for her to hear, "Are you ready to leave, dear?"

Diamond, between the mild shock of her mother's words and the mild headache she was getting, just said "Yes."

While her mother was going through her purse, Diamond took a quick glance at her teacher and her date, and felt her stomach drop when she saw that while Big Mac was looking at her mother with the same neutral look most ponies associated him with, a stark contrast to the happy look he was sporting a few minutes ago, Miss Cheerilee looked like she had spotted a dead rat in a place she couldn't reach, and all she could do was look at it.

Diamond had seen a look like the one her teacher was sporting before, when Sweetie Bell once caught her feeding Twist wrong answers during math, but Cheerilee was not looking at her, but her mother.

Diamond Tiara felt very, very tired for some reason, and was starting to regret this whole trip, because nothing was going well. She watched her mother ignore the looks she was getting from the couple on the other side of the room, tipped the waiter, and stepped out of the booth without another word. Diamond followed her mother out of the restaurant without another word, and never did work up the will to turn around and look at Miss Cheerilee and see if she was still glaring at her mother. She was a little scared of what she could have seen.

On the way home, Diamond decided to ask her mother a question, and had no idea what her mother's response would be.

"Mom, did you know those two ponies?"

Dazzle shrugged lightly. "I went to high school with them. Why?"

"The..." Diamond paused, not wanting to reveal to her mother that Cheerilee looked more then a little angry at her, "mare looked like she knew you."

Dazzle stopped walking quite suddenly, turned around, and gestured for Diamond to do the same. She had a soft smile on her face, but there was something about how she narrowed her eyes that Diamond wasn't sure what to make of.

"Sometimes, Diamond, there will be ponies who will tell you not to judge others."

Diamond nodded; one of those ponies was her father.

"What I want you to know is that you have every right to judge other ponies. You have to know who to talk to and what you need to do to get ahead in life, so you don't get stuck with ponies for friends that won't get anywhere. That mare in there is one of those ponies I stayed away from because she didn't know that and kept associating with weird ponies, and the stallion she was with is slow in the head. When you get to high school, though, you'll find your way in with the good ponies."

Diamond processed what her mother just told her, and while she mostly agreed with it, she felt slightly at ill ease about what she had told her.

"Okay, mom." she replied, making Dazzling Tiara's smile grow a little wider. "I'll try."

When they finally ended up home, her mother had the servants set up her bags to be easily carried out of the house in the morning, as she was heading up into the Crystal Empire for two weeks, to visit a friend. Diamond couldn't go, of course, but she herself probably would have declined to join her on the trip.

She wasn't feeling too good, in all honesty; the day had been a rough one, after all. Between the talk with Silver Spoon and what Discord told her, she was already a little light-headed, but the incident in the restaurant made her feel slightly nauseous, because Miss Cheerilee's glare reminded her of what the Cutie Mark Crusaders gave her from time to time. Diamond didn't know why that made her so light-headed, but she did know that she liked her teacher and that she never knew that her mother used to be so mean to her.

Diamond Tiara, before she fell asleep, decided that enough was enough, and that she was going to talk to Discord the next day. She suddenly felt like she needed to get that history project done, along with a second opinion.

She didn't know about what, though.

Students To Be Stupefied

Within the Golden Oaks library, Diamond Tiara was staring at her notes from last year, which were currently in a salad bowl and covered in ranch dressing.

Discord, apparently, enjoyed a good word salad now and then. Diamond was more upset at the fact she was reminded that she hadn't eaten anything for breakfast than seeing her notes from last year being smothered with croutons and smelly dressing, because she really didn't consider that any of that stuff was going to help her, given what she was doing.

She had written down what she needed to do on a single piece of paper, because she accidently threw away the original copy of what Miss Cheerilee gave to her the first day of school and had to ask Silver Spoon for her copy. It was pretty clear on what she had to do, though.

* Write a summery of the events before the period, and what caused it.

* Three things that happened in it.

* Biography about important pony who lived there

* Some crap about how the period effects me today.

In hindsight, Diamond counted herself lucky that she was doing her project on the Age of Discord, because the last two would have probably been really hard if she did, say, the Post-Migration period, because then she would basically either have to do Star Swirl the Bearded or somepony else who was boring, like Clover the Clever or Private Pansy.

In her opinion, if your name actually included the words 'the Clever' in it and you were not actually ruling the country you were in, then you were probably doing it wrong. If Clever Clover, also known as Clover the Clever, for some reason, was so, well, clever, then she probably should have convinced that one noble she was serving to free her from serfdom, which only happened when Unicornia disintegrated. And if your parents named you Pansy for some reason and you ended up being elected as the commander of the pegasi after the last one flew into the mouth of a hydra while drunk and on fire, it would probably would have been a good idea to change your name so history wouldn't remember you as the pony whose full title was The Great Pansy, Commander of Cloudsdale.

Diamond had a dim view of history, because it generally got boring after the few years where the Princesses went around Equestria and blasting evil guys with the Elements of Harmony. It basically went into a big mess of dates and treaties and discoveries of things like running water and stuff like that. Out of the six pony leaders everyone had to know, the only one Diamond enjoyed reading about was Chancellor Puddinghead, because he was completely and utterly insane.

Really, if history just had more ponies who abused their power in funny ways, like making ballot polls that only had their names on them or appointing their imaginary friend to a position in parliament or even attempting to raise a baby dragon in secret so he could conquer Equestria on dragonback, then maybe it would be easier to remember.

At least the Age of Discord was easy enough to remember, because her notes she copied out of her textbook looked a bit like this:

* Discord took over Equestria.

* A really long time happened.

* The Princesses came in and turned him into a statue.

* Equestria was saved! Go ponies!

Really, for a book that spent three pages on how many titles one of the Bluebloods had, it was almost a little upsetting that the whole era was basically a footnote because nothing provable really happened during it, because of how time got wonky and almost nopony really accomplished anything during it. Really, it just seemed to consider Discord's rule to be more of a natural distaster, like a big earthquake or a tornado than anything else, because it just made a note that it happened and moved on to more boring stuff, like rebuilding Canterlot.

Diamond knew that Silver Spoon was doing her project on the time where ponies were starting to connect with outside countries, which was smart because there were plenty of things she could put in there, like when ponies stopped calling griffons monsters and stuff. But Diamond thought she was in a better position, because the guy that the chunk of history she was looking up was named after was sloppily eating in front of her with his hands and looking like a complete spaz.

She had it made, really.

"So, uh, can we get started with this?"

Diamond phrased her question as polite as she could be, so she didn't expect Discord to blow off her request, as if it didn't matter.

"Oh, bah, why do you need to do this silly project, anyhow?" said Discord, who was somehow balancing a large bowl on a yellow claw. It made Diamond's head hurt slightly, to look at a obvious breach of the natural laws of nature, so she did her best to look directly into Discord's ugly face.

"I told you that I need to do this for school, or I will start the year with a F." Diamond said slowly and with great stress on the syllables, as if she was talking to Snips or Snails or Scootaloo.

"So what?" said Discord, plucking out a piece of shredded paper out of the bowl and dropping it in his mouth, "You don't need to do it."

"Yes I do." Diamond repeated, with no small amount of spite, "Or I'll never get a good grade in any of my subjects."

"Now, why on earth do you need to do that when your daddy has all that money?" Discord drawled, making a funny face at her.

Diamond stared at Discord, wondering if she really could get away with throwing something at him or something.

"I need to pass it because I need to pass it."

"Why do you wish to pass your classes, my little pony?"

Diamond, because she wasn't used to arguing with adults, almost sounded hesitant when she replied.

"Because if I don't get good grades, my dad said he will give his company to somepony else."

The room was quiet for a few moments, before Discord began to clap, with both hands.

The salad bowl hung in the air, like the temporal anomaly it was.

"Now, was that so hard?" said Discord, looking a little smug as he teleported closer to where the filly was sitting, and looked at the book on the table.

Diamond, feeling something between confusion and wrath, a combination she was starting to become tragically familiar with, scowled at the draconequis, but did nothing as he picked up the book she was just about to open.

"Huh? What was hard?"

Discord, putting the book under a armpit and making a chiding noise, hovered closer to the table, a few feet away from Diamond.

"Child, you must understand the reasoning behind your goals before you can even try to approach the issue of completing them." so sayith the draconequis, voice slightly nasally, as if he was mocking someone.

Diamond processed what her alleged tutor had said, and decided on a proper response while he was in the middle of reading the cover of the book.

"Do you think I'm stupid, I mean, for someone so old your really d-"

"'A Guide to the Lands Cervidae?' What in the world is a 'Cervid'? Is that some sort of rodent?" Discord said lowly, reading the cover of the hefty tomb as if it was a especially confusing riddle. He turned the book upside down, as if that was to help him understand what it was, and stared intently at the cover, squinting lightly. Then, he closed his eyes and licked the cover, as if feeling the words with his suddenly huge tongue would grant him some higher wisdom.

Diamond thought the display shown by the creature was shameful, but she rather enjoyed being the most emotionally mature person in the room.

"It's another word for deer." Diamond said, sounding smug and with her chin turned up slightly, "The deer used to have a bunch of kingdoms and stuff, but now they live in forests and don't really build anything. They were the ones who created the first modern government and civilizations, and helped the other sp-"

Diamond found herself interrupted again, by the laughter of Discord.

For whatever reason, the Draconequis found her words unreasonably funny, rocking back and forth on his back and wiggling his front limbs uncontrollably.

"That's priceless!" wheezed the spirit of chaos, wiping a happy tear from his eyes, "Priceless!"

Diamond wasn't sure what she could say to get a straight answer out of Discord right then, so she waited for his main bout of lung-straining laughter to subside before she questioned him, limbs folded.

"What's so funny?" she asked, taking a quick look at the salad bowl, which was still floating in mid-air.

"Oh, Celesta!" Discord said; as a swear or a actual statement Diamond didn't know, and couldn't begin to guess. "Really, that's it? That's ha-larious. Why are you reading about those things, anyway?"

Diamond, still without a true answer, huffed impatiently.

"I thought I could get something to write about them, because there used to be a bunch of deer in Whitetail Woods and-"

Diamond's words died in the back of her throat when Discord flipped through the pages of the book quickly and, after finishing the book in less than a few moments, ripped the huge tome into little papery shreds with his too-skinny limbs and threw them in the word salad.

She wasn't upset because of he books destruction -it was Twilight Sparkle's, anyway, and there were more copies of it in the library- but she was upset that Discord destroyed something that took her twenty minutes to find and ten more to reach the shelf, and he did it all with a big smile on his face.

"I have a idea for you, Diamond Tiara," Discord said jubilantly, making Diamond even more unnerved than unusual, "I will do this 'project', " he paused, making the word 'project' sound almost mysterious, "for you, every single bit of it, if you listen to every word I say."

Diamond, both delighted at the idea that she didn't have to work and confused by her alleged teacher's words, shrugged.

"Sure, I guess. But why would you want to do that?"

Discord cackled.

"You little ponies don't know anything at all. Of course, it's probably for the best," he paused again, grinning at Diamond, "but if you are going to be my student I believe I have the right to tell you things that would help you succeed."

Diamond blinked.

"Huh?"

Discord stood up on both legs, suddenly dressed in blue robes and a fancy scholars cap, took a few brisk steps around to the other end of the table, and began to write something on a chalkboard that had appeared on his whim. After a few minutes of drawing and exaggerated pondering from the draconequis, the board was absolutely covered in tangles of webs and lines, with the actual words on it written so small she couldn't have hoped to make them all out even if she wasn't sitting on the other side of the room. The fact that it was written in chalk of many different colors, some of which Diamond didn't know the names of, didn't help her confusion.

Discord waited a few moments to speak, looking utterly triumphant as he held a ruler and a stick of chalk like they were proud signs of royalty.

"This, my student, is a brief history of the world, from the very start to this very hour."

Diamond considered what that implied. She was mildly interested in the true history of the universe, and ponies in general, but she had more pressing matters to think about.

"So, uh, your going to do the project for me, right?"

Discord rolled his eyes, but the smile he usually wore quickly found itself back on his face.

"Oh, on the same conditions I have already made clear," Discord said, his giddy mood apparent in his voice, "but I wish to make it clear that this all has a point to it, for you."

"What, to make me fall asleep?" Diamond snapped, not unreasonably.

Discord sighed in desperation, waved a hand, and Diamond Tiara found herself feeling left out on something incredibly important.

"You need to be taught lessons, and you must also learn your history, isn't that right? Well, I am under the impression, as your teacher, that we can combine the two, as we just did."

Diamond raised a eyebrow.

"Okay, I guess. I mean, you are the teacher."

Diamond was beginning to experiment with allotting the draconequis some amount of compliments, in the hopes that he wouldn't pick her up or change the nature of her existence whenever he felt like it.

It was working, because he beamed at her and nodded his head.

"Indeed! I think we should start with the deer, and work our way up." Discord said, "Especially because they are very relevant to you."

"How?" Diamond asked, baffled.

"Why, that's for you to figure out!" Discord replied, still sounding cheerful as ever.

Diamond, while moderately happy that she didn't have to slog through a book older than she was, still lowered her head to the table and groaned in disbelief.

Deer To Be Discussed

"Long ago, there were three kinds of deer that inhabited the lands now known as Equestria! From the greenest forest to the highest peaks, they were one of the few to truly understand magic and the only creatures in the land to thrive as they did. While they all looked almost the same, they each had their own magical specialties; it is by that they divided themselves. Brown coats and white underbellies they all had, with just tints of their namesake color present in their coats that became darker as they aged. It was bec-"

Diamond thought to interrupt Discord's finely preformed narrative by raising a hoof and prodding at the hazy image of a deer that floated in front of her.

"What namesake color?" she said, cluelessly. "That doesn't even make any sense. Deer's aren't like ponies."

Discord, who was weaving illusions while sitting in a plush chair he had created for himself, hushed her.

"I haven't yet gotten there, my student." he said quietly, but with some amount of cheer, "This is not a short story, and while there will be no test for this I would think it would all interest you. So, no talkies."

Diamond rolled her eyes, but took her hoof away from the floating deer. Discord had been making illusions in the air as he was going on with the story, and so far the three distinct ones he was conjuring up all seemed relatively lifelike. She had seen a deer before, and the one Discord had made looked a lot like the one she had seen; slim and graceful, with a moderate sized horn-rack topping it's head. The main difference, Diamond noticed, was a little band on it's head that had a small green gem in the middle of it, and that it's eyes actually looked thoughtful, rather then cow-like and placid.

It was really pretty, anyhow.

"Now, the deer had three herds, and the White-Tailed were the most common of the three. They lived from one sea to the other, and they lived in almost every forest in the land. They were the wisest in the ways of nature, and it is they who built villages among the trees. It was they who believed it was their right to control all they could, as they looked at nature and believed that they could do better. They were the ones to break in all the animals in Equestria, the ones who had weak wills and weaker minds, to command them all the better."

Discord threw his arms up, and a bunch of leaves came out of nowhere and flew up in the air. Diamond had long learned to not especially care about the stuff that Discord conjured up, but she was on guard for anything that might have landed in her hair. She was moderately pleased when she saw that the leaves dissipated upon hitting a solid surface, of course.

"They shaped the land and broke the skies, allowing the greatest among them to control how it rained and how the winds blew. They directed the migrations of birds and they decided when new trees would grow. When they came to new places, the first thing on their minds was always to see how they could change it to be better than how nature shaped it. Every time they came to a place where the animals were wild they offered them to be ruled over by themselves, in exchange for comfort and control. When they came across those that ate meat that they could not control, like the great forest-cats, they simply teleported their prey away until they wandered off."

Discord's magic quickly changed the library into something that wasn't the library; Diamond knew that she was still in a tree, but the one she was in now was covered in vines and looked far older than the one the library was built inside. The walls had hanging crystals all over them and standing just a few feet away was what Diamond could only assume was a deer, one who paid no attention to her sitting in the middle of the room.

The deer looked like it was molding the very tree itself, by the way it was making the wall in front of it shimmer, like a pool of water. Diamond could feel the humidity around her change, and it was like being dunked in a pool; she didn't like how lifelike Discord's illusions could be, if they were illusions. With Discord being who he was, it was annoyingly hard to tell sometimes; the little birds that adorned each prong of the deer's antlers all looked real enough, along with the deer itself. The deer had green-gold markings all along her face and shoulders, and paid no attention to Diamond; her strange, delicate face just had a expression of mild annoyance on it, like bending nature to her will was a perfectly casual thing that didn't require and extra work out of her.

After a few moments, the library returned to normal, and Diamond exhaled a breath she didn't know she was holding.

"The middling herd deer were the Red-Tailed, and they lived in the great plains of tall grass, and they built their domains out of stone and earth."

Discord swept a hand over the cleared space in front of him, and a small model of a city appeared before Diamond's eyes. It mostly consisted of stone towers, Diamond noted, each looking like it was made from the earth itself. The biggest towers looked like they were made of solid granite, stacked in layers, while the smallest stumpy two-story dwellings looked like they were made of mud. But, the tops of every building were covered in green grass, with some even having small trees or bushes on them.

It kinda looked like what Canterlot might have been if it was built by Earth Ponies who never figured out what metal was, which was a really weird metaphor that Diamond would have never even considered using until about four days ago, which really distressed her on a primal level.

"Now," Discord said lightly, making a small dismissive motion with his left hand, making the whole scene vanish, "the Red-Tailed thought that it was their right to conquer others. When the White-Tailed found that words were best, the Red-Tailed thought that swords and spears were the best way to get points across. They had great control over their body, and could run for a hundred miles and jump so high in the air they could touch the clouds. They were the ones to break the wills of the goats and sheep in Equestria, the ones to drive the antelopes out of their homelands, and the ones to drive the bears and wolves of heartland into the forests and caves, away from sight. They offended their delicate tastes, you must understand."

Diamond was about to ask what a antelope was, until Discord made another full-room illusion.

Apparently, they looked like deer, sort of. It looked a little taller then a pony, somewhere in the middle between a big stallion and a normal sized mare, and while it was slender it's horns were shorter and more solid-looking then the big deer standing next to it. Both figures looked roughly the same, with the antelope having a maroon coat with a white underbelly, while the deer was overall more of a light brown with red highlights around his undercarriage. The deer was slightly taller than the antelope, but the antelope looked leaner and more wiry then the deer.

The antelope, though, had a small iron collar around it's neck, which was connected to a leash. The small, almost invisible iron chain that led from somewhere at the base of the antelope's beshackled neck was connected to a equally small, iron tip of one of the many individual horn-tips that graced the deer's head.

The stag looked pleased, and the antelope looked miserable. Diamond felt vaguely sick. Deer were supposed to be nice.

Discord looked pleased, but when he noticed that Diamond was frowning he quickly dismissed the illusion and went on with his exposition.

"Finally, the Black-Tailed deer were the quietest and shiest of all the deer herds. Unlike the White-Tails and the Red-Tails, they never enjoyed singing, or dance, or poetry. They all enjoyed being as far away from the other herds as possible, preferring they lived in the deepest forests and caves. Their magic was powerful when it came to obstruction; they could manipulate others minds like the Red-Tails manipulated their own body."

"They conjured shadows around themselves and did their best to avoid contact with others that were not of their kind, and they took great pains to isolate themselves. They believed it was their right to live lives without interruption by such things like visitors, and whenever they were found by even the smallest insect, they redirected the intruder away from their lands. Living alone, they found that their tastes became less and less accepting of those that were not themselves, and they acted accordingly when other deer stumbled into their domains."

Discord waved his hand again, and something like a deer came into form. It wasn't much different then the White-Tail that he had made earlier, but this one had a dark brown coat and had horns that were more curled then either of the other two deer Discord had made, with inner prongs that almost made it look like it had a curly crown on it's head. It looked a little thin, too, like it hadn't had a good meal in days.

Discord then, after a few moments, clapped his hands, and quite suddenly the three figures he had made so far all came into existence, and they were bowing, Not at him, but at something that looked a bit like a deer, in the way that Celestia looked like a pony. It towered over the other deer, the big Red-Tailed barely at his shoulder, and it's coat was a light brown, fading to a creamy color as it's hair came up to it's large, graceful horns. In this respect, it resembled a mountain topped with snow, but it's legs were graceful and it's face was slim and finely formed.

"The Elk came!" Discord said, and he said that as if it was a punchline, "They traveled from across the sea, led by the greatest of their kind to rule a great kingdom! Twelve each found the capital of the three deer herds, and all displayed their might to each lord of the deer! The Elks worked their will on the White-Tails and proved that they had greater control over the natural forces than even the eldest among them! The twelve Elks sent to the Red-Tails proved their might in war, and a hundred of the Red-Tailed deer's greatest were felled by twelve Elk, and none of the invaders fell! The twelve who found the Black-Tailed reworked their magic's against them, preventing any in their beshadowed hall from being able to see until their nobles submitted to their superiority!"

Discord clapped again, and the cervids vanished.

"The Elks believed it was their right to show that they were better than everyone else. They allowed no other to contest this, and their ruler was a force unto himself! All the deer nations were dissolved as independents, and the three capitals of each were destroyed. The great Elk-King raised up a new, grand capital by his own power, moving mountain's and raising valleys as a new home for the Elks and all the nobles of the deer herds. The least among the Elks were treated as the equal as any king of the deer, and each of the thirty-six Elks who first visited the deer were given territories and power over the deer they themselves visited."

"The rest of the elk, who came in thirty-six groups of twenty-two-by-twelve, lived in their own mansions and towers in this great city, and in the center of it sat the throne of the Elk-King, resplendent in gold and other stranger, rarer things! No Elk spoke to a common deer, as only the lords of the conquered folk were considered worthy enough to shine their hooves and do work they did not wish to do."

Discord, in his theatrics, floated slightly out of the chair. Diamond paid this no mind, enraptured by the story.

"But the Elks offered great things in their rule! The White-Tailed were taught secret ways that the eldest among them only dreamed of in strange green-dreams! The Red-Tailed, wearing Elk-work, triumphed over and obliterated the wood bison, who was the only force who could stand before them! The Black-Tailed were shown wonders in the shadows, and learned to work new kinds of magic that has no bearing in the light! But above all the deer-lords, above even the highest mortal Elk, was the King!"

Discord threw up his hands, and suddenly the world became white and brown, white for the walls and brown for the ground.

Diamond felt as if gravity was pushing her head down, and she certainty didn't feel like she was in a illusion, so she raised her head up high and got on all fours, confused and slightly scared.

But she didn't see Discord. She saw a deer, though, or, rather, an Elk.

It was no normal Elk, though. It was twice as big as Celestia and had a torso so broad that a cow could stand on it's back and not touch either shoulderblade. It's coat was a dark, deep uniform brown, like tilled soil, and it's slim, powerful legs looked like they each had more muscle than a pony had in their entire body. It's head was sharply angular and wasn't curved around the edges like deer were; while it was far more foreword-facing it had none of the personality the rest of Discord's visions had, with a square chin and a stout, unwavering frame.

It's horns were massive and gilded, white bone and gold filigree merging together as they intertwined one another. The horns on the Elk's head looked simply too big for it to carry; the entire rack was as wide as a house and could probably carry five ponies each, and if the Elk could carry that huge mass of bone on it's head it was either made of tough stuff or it's horns worked differently then normal horns.

But it's eyes were the thing that scared Diamond the most. It was a scary creature; nothing should look so fake. It's legs were too long and it's head was too shaped, like it wasn't really made of flesh and bone and hair and it was just something that looked like a Elk.

It's eyes were two pure white pools. Not white like Canterlot marble or white like a pony's coat, but white white. There was neither iris nor pupil, and no magic wavered around it's horns or head. It had eyes that were not blind, because like everything about it they were false. Whatever it was, it didn't use it's mouth to breath or use it's eyes to see, because it was operating on a entirely different level than everything else around it. If the Elk were like kings and queens to all the Deer, Diamond thought, then what was this to them?

Diamond was shaking when she noticed that the illusion had fully vanished, and Discord seemed none the wiser.

"After five thousand years of ruling a empire eternal, the Elk-King called on all the deer in the kingdom to gather in the capital, to participate in a ritual. This ritual, the Elk-King said, was to advance the kingdom beyond mortality and morality, and needed every single deer in the kingdom to complete."

Discord paused, like he did when he was about to complete a good joke, or await the payoff of a prank.

"This ritual was to attract my attention. He wanted my help to make every member of the kingdom happy and without care, because he wanted a place where only his rules existed."

Discord paused, again. His voice was serious now, lacking the cheer it normally had. He didn't even sound like he was going to break out into rhyme or anything.

"I did. And that's how the deer nations fell, because everyone became happy. They frolic in meadows now, and don't think about changing nature and war and secrecy for secrecy's sake. And, I think, the most important thing to remember about this, Diamond Tiara, was that nothing I just said was really important, because when the deer abandoned their villages and became content to graze on grass, nothing of value was lost."

Diamond blinked, very slowly. When she spoke, she spoke with the weight of a thousand questions in her mind, with the single one coming out of her mouth merely being the one most distressing to her. She still didn't feel that good about seeing that Elk-King or whatever it was.

"You are writing that report for me if you keep talking, right?"

Discord shrugged, sitting back in his chair.

"I said I would, didn't I?" he said, now sounding moderately concerned.

Diamond pursed her lips, and narrowed her eyes lightly.

"Good enough for me. Keep talking."

Author's Note

Alternate Title: It's a Dangerous Business, Messing With Discord

Shoo Shoo Be Doo To Be Sung

"-and that is how Equestria was made." Discord finished, proudly.

Diamond finished eating her lunch, brought the pencil in her hooves to her chin, and wrote down a roughly condensed version of what Discord just said. It consisted of five sentences, and one of the names he said had three apostrophes in it, but otherwise it was pretty simple to understand.

"Okay," Diamond replied, "I guess that makes sense. Sort of."

Discord nodded encouragingly. "I assure you, the moment you start looking at it hard enough the less sense it does!"

Diamond was mildly concerned at that, but given the way he described the country coming into existence, it was probably actually good advice. She didn't recognize some of the phrases and words he just used to describe the state of the world before Equestria, like 'squamous', but she didn't worry about it too hard.

She looked at the report Discord had willed into existence above five hours ago, when she thought that a week was a long enough wait for him to actually do something for her. It was ten pages long and had footnotes, but it read like she had written it, anyway, so Diamond didn't believe that Miss Cheerilee would question that she wrote it. It included everything she needed, and a bit extra; besides talking about the government, which was pretty simple during that time because nothing really got done with the three pony tribes bickering, it talked about each of the three tribal leaders who were around back then. The biography he put down was for Starswirl the Bearded, who was supposed to be dead by a hundred years around that time, but when she pointed that out Discord just shook his head and said that he remembered him still walking and breathing around that time, so Diamond let it slide.

The stuff he wrote about his rule was bare-bones, but he did talk about the Princesses a lot, especially about how it took them fifty years to locate the Elements of Harmony after they learned of their existence, even when they were a brisk flight away from Canterlot. Diamond questioned him about that too, but he just said that he would show her where they used to be, eventually.

Even if that didn't actually answer her question, it did interest Diamond slightly. Just slightly.

The ending was pretty short, consisting of a paragraph pretty much summing the whole unknown period of time as the last real threat against the Princesses that was already in Equestria. It also noted that Discord being turned into stone also allowed a bunch of evil creatures to threaten the country after his rule fell apart, and the whole 'Tirek' incident could probably have been avoided if Celestia just told Discord that the centaur was bothering her, but that bit was reprimanded in a way that, regardless, Celestia and Luna made Equestria a better place to live, for ponies.

'For ponies' was actually underlined and written just fancy enough to resemble Diamond's own cursive mouthwriting, and a few days ago Diamond would have wondered why Discord did that. Now, she didn't.

She wasn't too sure if she liked that, or that she would have to talk to Miss Cheerilee about whatever where she got the information, but Diamond thought she could handle it.

She did have one question she wanted to ask Discord, though. It was a pretty stupid question, and it wasn't about anything or anyone she knew, really, she just thought he would have a idea about it. Because he, even if he was old and ugly and sometimes crazy, sure wasn't stupid.

"Hey, are seaponies real?"

The library was mostly clean; Discord cleaned up the mess made by juggling water balloons filled with ranch dressing after Twilight Sparkle threatened to tell Celestia on him, which, really, was reasonable.

Discord paused in his knitting; he was making a sweater, apparently made of spaghetti noodles. Diamond didn't question that he was knitting a hoodie made of pasta - it had a bowtie and little button mushrooms on it, and it wasn't really messy - which made her really conflicted, all things considered.

"Seaponies? Oh, yes, they're real." Discord replied, sounding relatively amiable, but sounding surprisingly focused on completing the noodle shirt.

Diamond, on a different day, would have let that slide, considering that they've been in the library for a hour, but she had about ten minutes to go, and, well, if she's going to get truths about the universe, she might as well get it from the guy who was probably there when it was made, anyhow.

"So, uh, seaponies, do they have little stumpy flippers, or do they have hooves?" Diamond asked, interested if the big plushy she got for her fourth birthday was accurate.

"Some have hooves, some have flippers. Some have neither." Discord stated, in a sing-songish way.

Diamond took a moment to pick up a nearby book; it was thicker then her hoof and probably older than her father.

"This book says that seaponies have a undersea empire that sunk to the bottom of the sea called Marelantis. Is Marelantis real too?"

Discord shrugged. "No, it is not; all the seaponies in the world live on a sunken isle named Kumarei Kandame, on the other side of the world."

Diamond quickly decided she couldn't pronounce that, so she just continued to ask some more questions, because she was bored and the thought of seaponies with little flipper arms trying to swim reminded her of Scootaloo trying to fly with her little stub wings.

"Are sirens real, too? Merponies? Uh," she paused, going through the glossary of the book on hypothetical underwater civilizations she was holding, which, in hindsight, was a really stupid topic for a book, "Capricorns? Seabras? Ophiosomethings? Hippocampi? Mergriffs?"

"All of those are real!" Discord replied, "I made mergriffs myself!"

Diamond almost said 'of course you did', in reflex, but didn't say that.

"If they're all real, why does this book say that they don't exist?" she replied, pointing at the cover of the book, which had a picture of a seapony with a big red X over it.

Discord's voice took a turn towards being gruff, as if the topic annoyed him. "Well, that's a question. The seaponies don't like things that are not seaponies. They're even worse then you little ponies when it comes to that."

Diamond got the gist of what he was saying, and frowned.

"Really? Are we going to do the deer thing again?" she mumbled out, rather annoyed that her list of innocent childhood figures were turning out to all be generally terrible and kind of evil.

Discord grimaced. "No, we are not. However," Discord said, giving Diamond a almost congratulatory look, "Do you want to know the reason why the seaponies are not, to say the least, nice?"

Diamond frowned harder. "Do I want too?"

Discord raised a finger. He was now smiling. "I wouldn't see why not."

Diamond, feeling that she was bored, and ultimately just wanted to get this over with, nodded her head.

Five seconds later, she was looking at a pony face, kind of.

It was huge and she was very, very small; it was a dark color, not black and not blue but it was very dark and shiny, like it had a billion scales on it's face that each contained a little star. It's mouth was just a huge empty void with hundreds of teeth lining it, like enamel skyscrapers with tips as sharp as razors. It had gills on it's neck, and it had a small tapered horn and two big eyes that were like pools of pure white. It had no hair; it was wearing a huge crown, though, just as big of what Diamond could see of it's head. It looked like it was made of three materials; black stone, gold, and some sort of white substance. It was roughly shaped like a cone, set in three layers; the bottom part was of that black stone with some gold set it, the middle part was made entirely of the white substance, carved into weird shapes, while the top part was entirely made of gold.

Diamond, somewhere between being confused and being in awe, felt a wave of nausea when she realized that the weird orb-like shapes that lined the second part of the crown looked like a drawing of a whale skull she once saw; there were so many of them packed in together as to make them look like one solid mass, there had to be hundreds of them on the crown, and if the crown was that big then every point on it was as big as a tower and the whole thing was the size of Canterlot, and-

Suddenly, with a jerking sensation that made Diamonds eyes water, the figure disappeared, and Diamond was back in the library, with a rather apologetic-looking Discord looking at her.

Diamond Tiara looked at Discord, and just decided that it was time to go. She got up, took her stuff, the report especially, and started to head outside, for home. School was starting tomorrow, and she didn't need any nightmares or anything.

Discord didn't try and stop her even with fat teardrops clinging to his eyes; Diamond didn't especially care. He just gave her a seapony phobia, for Celestia's sake.

Diamond, as she stomped her way home, could only bitterly hope that Discord would end up as a statue on her lawn, before this was over.

Intermission: Crusaders To Be Confused

"Ah don't know, Sweetie Belle." Apple Bloom said, hesitantly, "I don't really think that's true."

The two Crusaders were currently in Sweetie Belle's room by themselves, allegedly because Applebloom was having trouble with her homework (which she finished two weeks into the vacation!) , but in truth they were together because they needed to catch up on things.

Right now, they were talking about Diamond Tiara, because they were really bored without Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle had mentioned that her dad was probably the reason why she was such a brat.

"But Apple Bloom," Sweetie Belle replied, kicking her legs lazily in the air as she sat on one side of the bed, so the other filly could have some room, "Her dad's name is Filthy Rich. I mean, they're rich. She's cheating at life. She has pools, AB."

Apple Bloom sighed. She'd had this exact conversation before, with Applejack; she hated to repeat stuff she heard like some parrot, but in this case, Applejack and Granny took the time to explain it to her, so it seemed sort of important enough that Sweetie should know it too.

"Sweetie, yah gotta know something about Diamond." she said, as serious as she could.

Sweetie Belle paused; Apple Bloom felt a twinge of pity, because Sweetie Belle didn't have a dang clue what was coming. Her big wide purple eyes stared at her, but the look on her face told Apple Bloom that she probably expected her to say that Diamond Tiara was a big meany or something.

"What is it?" Sweetie Belle asked, sounding as curious as a puppy watching the first snowflake she ever saw falling on her nose.

(Applebloom had gone through Winona's puppyhood photo journal a day ago, and she really wanted to use that metaphor in a conversation at some point.)

Apple Bloom took a breath.

"Sweetie Belle, her dad isn't bad. You know how, last summer, the barn had to get rebuilt?"

Sweetie Belle nodded.

"Mr. Rich paid for half of it."

Sweetie Belle raised a eyebrow; she seemed pretty stunned.

"Really? Why?"

Apple Bloom thought long and hard about how she could explain the whole situation; she really didn't want to sound like Applejack or Granny Smith, but they also said it pretty well, so she had to make a compromise.

"Well," she paused, and brought a hoof to her chin, "yah know how Mr. Rich owns Barnyard Bargains?"

"Uh huh." Sweetie Belle replied.

"Well," she started, "Back when Granny Smith ran the farm, it used to be a lot bigger."

Sweetie Belle huffed, puffing her cheeks out as she did. "Apple Bloom, I know this already!"

"Hey!" Apple Bloom said, a little disgruntled, "This is important! I wouldn't be tell'n you this for no reason!"

Sweetie Belle shrugged her shoulders; Apple Bloom eased up a little, figuring that she was okay with the whole thing, and started again.

"Well, anyway, one year there was a big crop failure because a big wild icestorm came through town in the middle of the summer, and a lot of the farm's trees died! But when Granny was selling land to the town to help pay everything, Mr. Rich asked if he could buy the oldest barn on the property."

Sweetie Belle frowned. "You had more then one barn?"

Apple Bloom nodded. "The farm was a lot bigger around then, yep! But the one Mr. Rich bought was so old that even the cow's didn't want to be in it."

Sweetie Belle kept frowning, but nodded in understanding. Her sister had talked about her own start-up a few times in the past, but Rarity was never did say how she got the money to open the boutique in the first place. She didn't like math at all!

"Anyway," Apple Bloom continued, "Mr. Rich started to sell stuff from the barn, including Zap Apple Jam. You know about that, right?"

Sweetie Belle's eyes widened.

"Oh, wow! Apple Bloom, you never did tell me that Mr. Rich is basically you're uncle."

Apple Bloom, for the record, reacted to that relatively well.

"Sweetie Belle." she deadpanned, "Yah know my family's really big, right? Ah don't need any extra uncles to make it bigger."

Sweetie Belle giggled a little at that; Apple Bloom thought it was pretty gosh-darned funny too, but she was the first one to stop laughing anyway.

"I knew that Mr. Rich was a sorta friend with Granny Smith, but I didn't know how much he was!" Sweetie Belle replied. Apple Bloom wanted to correct her grammar, but she decided against it.

"Well, yeah. Mr. Rich is a rich pony, and I guess he is a little sleazy," Apple Bloom admitted, "but he's never been like, the Flim Flam Brothers or anything like that. He's done legal stuff for Granny when she stopped being able to keep up with everythin' changing."

Sweetie Belle smiled slightly, "Oh, okay. But," she said, frowning again, "why's Diamond such a pain then?"

Apple Bloom frowned a bit herself ; now this was getting into other pony's personal problems, but they were problems that Big Macintosh actually took the time to lay it out in front of her, so she had to respect the ideas behind the words.

"Well, you know how Big Mac and Miss Cheerilee are the same age?"

Sweetie Belle nodded.

"Well, Diamond's mom used to be the big bully when they were growing up."

Sweetie Belle was apparently doing mental gymnastics in trying to figure out what Apple Bloom was trying to say; Apple Bloom felt a little bad, because while Sweetie Belle was usually pretty nice to be around, she wasn't exactly the brightest light in the building, and the faces she made in trying to figure it out were a bit unfortunate.

"So, uh," Sweetie Belle attempted to reply, before Apple Bloom decided to spare the poor, innocent filly the pain of trying to wrap her head around what she was forcing into her consciousness.

"Mr. Rich was Rarity's age around the same time Diamond's mom was our age."

Sweetie Belle's face turned a little green. "Eww!"

Apple Bloom had to agree, but there was more to it than Mr. Rich robbing the metaphorical cradle (as she had heard from Granny Smith. Apple Bloom really liked metaphors, now that she knew what they were!).

"Sweetie Belle, that's not the main thing, though. Her mom's gone a lot."

Sweetie Belle paused in looking completely grossed-out long enough to reply.

"Are they like Scootaloo's parents?" she asked, bluntly.

The reason the third Crusader was away from Ponyville today, Apple Bloom knew, was so that she could go to Cloudsdale for the day.

"No, Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo's parents both work at the weather factory. They work different shifts, at different times of the day. So when her dad's home he's sleepy and when her mom's home she's asleep till dark." she said; the unicorn didn't seem to have a good grasp of two different ponies working at different times of the day and not seeing each other often, so Applebloom sometimes had to remind her of that.

Sweetie Belle nodded.

"Diamond's mom doesn't work at all." Apple Bloom said, trying to sound as serious as she could while not sounding demanding.

"Like mine?" Sweetie Belle piped up, causing Apple Bloom to realize that her explanation was just beating around the bush.

"Sweetie Belle, you're mom and dad are retired, though." Apple Bloom replied. "Diamond's mom never did had to work."

Sweetie Belle seemed to be having trouble with that general concept.

"So, Diamonds mom was a bully who married a rich stallion? And she was mean to Miss Cheerilee?" she said, sounding a little upset, "That's like, the opposite of one of Rarity's romance novels!"

Apple Bloom nodded. "It kinda is, but the main issue with Diamond's mom is that she only comes and sees her once every year."

That made Sweetie Belle go a little bit rigid. Even her parents visited Ponyville every month when they weren't really far away!

"Really? Why?" Sweetie Belle asked, cluelessly, "Does her and Mr. Rich have a de-vorce?"

Apple Bloom frowned. She was doing a heck of a lot more frowning than she really wanted to be doing, at this point.

"No, she lives right in Manehatten. She just doesn't come and visit her often."

Sweetie Belle just looked plain sad. "That's horrible!" she squeaked out, indignant.

Apple Bloom didn't feel especially thrilled about feeling empathy for Diamond Tiara either, but in this case, it seemed like that was a big problem that Diamond didn't have a lick of control over.

"So, I think we should try and do what we did with Babs, when she came over." Apple Bloom eventually said, grinning hesitantly.

Now, at least, Sweetie Belle was completely on board with something. "We sing a song?"

Or not. Apple Bloom sometimes thought that she had enough brains for the three crusaders, though; Scootaloo was tough and Sweetie Belle was cute, and Babs brought some urban ruggedness to even things out, so it all balanced it out.

They were pretty awesome.

"Ah think we should try and be friends with her." she said, and continued before Sweetie Belle had the chance to speak up, "Because if we try and be nice on the first day of school, that'll start the whole new year off fresh. I mean, you're friends with Silver Spoon, right?"

Sweetie Belle blushed a little.

"Yeah, a little? I do her hair sometimes." she admitted.

Apple Bloom was a little offended, because she thought that was their special thing (except when Babs was over; Sweetie Belle thought her hair was 'crinkly' and liked the challenge with working with it), but they had bigger problems at the moment then about who did who's hair.

"Well, anyway," she continued, "You can get her onboard, and I'll try and get Scootaloo to go with it."

Sweetie Belle was confused. "So, uh, do we all just hug her at the same time and hope she doesn't turn to stone?"

Apple Bloom was now the one that was confused.

"Huh?"

"I mean, like, if we got the Elements of Harmony and blasted her with it," Sweetie Belle continued, "she'd either stop being evil or turn into a statue."

Apple Bloom, for a few brief moments, was rather distressed at the turn of events.

"Uh, Sweetie Belle-"

"Oh! What is she's some sort of reverse changeling and she feeds on being mean! Then, if we hug her, she'd be launched out of town, or-"

Sweetie Belle no.

"may-be Cheerilee's some sort of wen-di-go and she feeds on meanness, so Diamond's, like, her food supply, or-"

Sweetie Belle stop.

"Oh! What if we-"

Apple Bloom coughed, and put a hoof over Sweetie Belle's mouth.

"Sweetie Belle," she said, slowly, "ah'l think of something by tomorrow."

Sweetie Belle nodded, and said something cheerful into Apple Bloom's hoof that she couldn't make out.

Applebloom didn't have a plan when she went to bed.

They could wing it, though.

A Chaotic Conundrum In Canterlot's Courtyard

It was under the shade of the largest tree in the Everfree Forest when Discord, Spirit of Chaos and Disharmony, Former Lord Of Chaos and the previous Prince of the Pandemoniumic Principalities, decided that he was bored.

All in all, it was a odd thing for him to experience, especially for a entity like himself. It wasn't that the world around him was boring, oh no, he had long realized to appreciate the little bits of chaos that thrived in the world, with all the little petty arguments and conflicts that came along with modern life (watching the daily build up of Manehattan's wagon traffic in particular was a personal favorite pastime), but rather that he couldn't influence any of it. Well, yes, he could, and he still did every so often, if only within a little corner of the Everfree Forest, but not within the limits of any place that ponies lived in. Or zebras. Or buffalo. Or anything that could ever take a breath or could sustain life, which limited his chaos-causing capabilities to Chicagoat.

Well, he supposed outer space was fun, but Luna didn't like fart jokes written with her stars and apparently making the sun and moon turn into giant eyeballs was still off-limits.

There wasn't anything physical that could stop him from doing what he wanted, really. Oh, he could whip up a storm of chaos anytime he wanted, and it would be highly unlikely that anyone could stop him. He wasn't sure if Twilight Sparkle even remembered where the Elements were (for the record, they were in a box under her bed) ,and it wasn't like they wouldn't be caught off-guard even if he did decide to make a little mischief.

No, the thing keeping him from doing anything like that again was a small pegusus the color of freshly churned butter named Fluttershy, and she was his only friend. Yes, he agreed to keep his visits to her home to no more or less than two days a week, if only to keep that blasted bunny she cares for sane, but he still treasured her company when he got it. He understood why she didn't want him around all the time, of course; she was a little pony raised under Celestia's sun, and as much as he didn't like to admit it he couldn't be "himself" around her entirely.

To make a long story short, he was bored and had run out of ideas to keep himself occupied. Luckily, there was one other he could talk to about his personal problems, because she might as well been his self-ordained parole officer and was waiting for him to try something any day now.

Humming slightly, he snapped a talon and landed gently in the place he spent more than a thousand years in stone, and began to wait.

It didn't take long.

"Discord!" Celestia said his name like it was a curse, flying out of the castle faster than he had seen her move in ages to land right in front of him, her lovely face in a slight scowl as she met his gaze.

"Celestia!" he replied jovially, a small jacket and a top hat coming into existence for the occasion of putting on a good show for the large alicorn. "Diligent as always, sorry for not making a appointment, but you know how these things work!"

She wasn't amused, as he expected, but it was worth trying anyway. "What is the meaning of this intrusion, Discord?"

He put his best puppygod face forward. "For shame, Celestia, I'm not here to cause mischief! I mean, unless you wish-"

To his delight, her face actually reddened for a split second before fading as quick as it came.

"State your purpose, Discord!" she snapped.

At that, he actually frowned. It had been a year since he was free, and as it was he had been on his best behavior. Not a single cotton candy cloud or a gummy anaconda.

Why couldn't she just lighten up?

"Actually, Celestia, I come to you with a predicament. I require your help."

That got her attention. He adored the look she had when she was befuddled, even if it had lost the same sort of magic it had held two years ago.

"What do you need my help with, Discord?" she said slowly, like she was trying to speak a new language. Or, Discord considered, perhaps it was the shock of using the word 'help' and 'Discord' without the word 'imprison' somewhere between the two.

"My dear, I am bored. Dreadfully so, so much so that, from one immortal to another, I have to ask; what do you do to pass the time?"

Celestia opened her mouth, lips upturned slightly as if prepared to unleash a witty retort on him, but they downturned when she processed the reason he was even asking.

He couldn't help but give her a winning smile.

"I see," she said, finally. "Have you have been repressing your needs as a Spirit of Chaos?"

She said it like it was a slur that she wasn't sure if she should have said, but they both knew better. It was a alien topic for her, really, dealing with something that was actually older and wiser than her, but she knew him perfectly well enough that she didn't like the idea of him. He was something that shouldn't have existed in her little perfect world, and what was worse, most of her problem solving strategies involved teamwork and group efforts. And the thing was....

The wonderful thing about being a Draconequus was that he was the only one!

"Well, Celestia,"

He paused, somewhat dramatically, before detaching a claw and allowing it to wiggle around in his palm, "I believe you can appreciate the need for me to have a need a way to pass the time that will not make me end up hereagain. I have a most awful twitchy trigger finger, you understand."

He tossed the offending appendage behind him, where it burrowed into the ground and sprouted a small him-shaped tree, bearing little multicolored him-shaped fruits from its gnarled woody fingers. It winked once at Celestia before going rigid, like trees were supposed to.

Celestia looked at the newly sprouted tree, and than at him, eyebrow raised.

"Perhaps gardening is your suit?" she said, only half joking.

At that, Discord plucked one of the little fruits off and stuck it on his single fang, causing it to wilt and shrivel. After it was shrunken to the point that none of the juice inside was left inside, he plucked it off his tooth and made a table pop into existence to put the newly made red candle.

"Alas, Celestia, that is not the case. Please, just tell me, what did you do for the last thousand years that didn't make you die of the sheer boring of your little ponies?" he said, letting a little bit of a pleading undertone seep into his voice.

The princess rolled her eyes before she paused for a moment, eventually plucking one of the fruits off the tree, nipping on it slightly.

"Juice filled wax candies. Quite cute. I should talk the chefs into trying to reproduce these. Would you mind?" she said.

Discord, in reply, frowned. He was trying to be serious.

Celestia paused for a few moments, giving the draconequus a sincerely kind look as she did.

"Well, I must say I stuck to a simple routine. I supported artists and other sorts of creative individuals, acquired a small collection of teas, tried new foods, and took young ponies under my wing."

Discord smiled a truly knowing smile. "I knew Twilight Sparkle wasn't a anomaly. Tell me, how many 'faithful students' were there before that little firebrand?"

To his surprise, a pained look overtook her face. "Fifteen."

Discord, in a moment, shared her look in hopes to try showing that "empathy" thing Fluttershy had told him about. "I am...sorry if that upset you, Celestia."

The alicorn kept that look on her face until it faded into a curious sort of faux-contentedness. "It is quite alright, Discord, it is simply that the topic of my students prior to Twilight is something I find sensitive."

He waited for a few moments to pass to let Celestia fully regain the regality she carried around like a shield before continuing, trying not to sound too interested. "What did you do with Twilight Sparkle when she was in your care?"

A morbidly curious look passed over Celestia's face before speaking. "I tutored her in magic and other things of importance to young unicorns. She was very independent from the start, but what made her special was that she didn't see me as a princess so much as another mother. However, even though I am not there every day to support her, I do continue to advise her when she asks for my assistance."

Discord's ears pricked up. "So, taking on an apprentice is like making another copy of yourself?"

This was one of those moments where Celestia wasn't sure if he was joking or not.

He treasured these moments, if only for the look on her face.

"No, Discord. She is far different than me. All I did was give her a education that would not have otherwise been available to her."

Discord cracked a snaggletoothed grin. "You did your best to influence her, I suppose? Put her on the right path?"

He liked the way her eyebrows twitched, like she wasn't sure if she should raise or lower them. It was adorable.

"Her parents were well-do ponies in my court, so she was already on the right path. As a whole, my niece had a interest in Twilight's brother, so I already knew of her magical abilities. However, she displayed magical power too great for me to leave untapped, and a pony with her abilities only comes every few generations." she paused. "I took on my other students for the same reasons."

Discord's grin grew big enough that it somehow extended behind his ears.

"So, you took on a young pony who you thought could gain something through your influence, and taught her all you could to help that inborn talent prosper?"

Celestia almost replied, but Discord, in a flash, returned to his regular, non-fancy and non-mutilated state. "Ah, thank you Celestia, that does sound lovely, and pardon me for leaving so early, but I have work to do!"

In another, far brighter flash, he was gone.

Celestia stood there for a few moments, unsure of her own actions for the first time in at least a century.

After a few moments of deliberation, she plucked another Discord-shaped fruit off the Discord-tree. Finding that it was as hard as a rock and curious about it's properties, she snapped it in half over the table that was proofed into existence a few moments ago.

A small grey teacup fell out, filled with a bright red substance.

Celestia, after a far longer period of curiosity, took the small cup, sniffed it in as dignified a manner as she could muster up, and after a little hum of approval attempted to, in quite a unladylike manner, lick out the tiny devil's food cake in the little cup.

Sighing internally, she looked at the Discord-tree, which sat exactly it the place where it's maker once sat for quite some time, in the same position, in fact, and wondered what exactly did she just do.