Now, darkness is one thing.
This was advanced fucking darkness; you couldn’t see anything even if you had a flashlight.
Then again, there would be nothing to see.
But then, something arrived. A creature, a man.
He was drifting in the endless void, his forest green eyes lazily scanning the blackness around him, just waking from his deep sleep. Subconsciously, his hand moved up and swept the lengths of his brown hair out of the way, allowing for a wider viewpoint. As he raised his arm, the olive green fabric of his overshirt fluttered outwards with a soft swish. The sleeves on the other hand were rolled up to his elbows. His tattered, faded jeans moved without a force, just as the laces on his black high-tops did, as no gravity was at play here.
His response to this was not in the same manner of calm as the void around him.
“Huh? Where am I? Where the hell am I?!” Suddenly, a few void particles sparked to life in front of his face. “What are these? What the hell are these?! What’s with these stars?!” He swiped at them with his arm. “Son of a bitch!”
A light ping echoed through the air. The world around him began to light up, colors awakening, and soon after, he stood in the middle of a pathway with trees on each side. He appeared to be near the edge of a forest.
He looks into the sky and shouts, “Why is shit so confusing?!”
“Because that’s the way things work, Mike!” A voice from above the trees answered back.
A moment later, a man slipped through the leaves onto the trail below, his black and white striped fedora blocked some of his face, his black jacket waved to a stop, the front of it was zipped open revealing a plain red shirt underneath. He also had dark blue carpenter jeans, and on his feet were boots, for some reason. They seemed to have a plate of something on the front and back of them. He stood up at full height, slightly taller than Mike, then pushed his fedora up to reveal a familiar face.
“The fuck was that?!” He points up to where the man had been previously floating, then looked at the face of the man before him. “Wait... Shawn? Well, that explains everything then.”
Shawn rolled his eyes, “Yes, yes... Anyways, welcome to Equestria.” He said while throwing his arms out in a slightly dramatic manner. “I am the operator.” He said afterwards, adding a small bow.
“...Really?”
“Yes, I am an operator. Why do you sound surprised about that?”
“No, dumbass, I meant is this really really Equestria?”
“Well, yeah, but I would suggest that before you go hugging random ponies, you should abide by a couple of rules.”
“Alright, lay ‘em on me.” Mike crosses his arms.
“Okay. Rule one, you have no idea how you got here. Can’t have them questioning you too much.”
He scoffed, “Well, that’s funny because I really don’t know how I got here.”
“Good! Rule two, do not act so cheerful about it, otherwise they’ll ask why you are happy to be away from your server. Er... Home.”
“Sounds alright so far.”
“Rule three, I shall be accompanying you, of course I will change my gamemode beforehand. Remember, we are both just friends who somehow arrived here. I myself, have been getting a little bored flying around out of sight and have been wanting to jump in, thankfully you arrived just in time!”
“Just in time for what, dare I ask?”
“The Canterlot Wedding of course!”
“I’d be a lot more excited if we were actually there.” Mike leaned forward a bit in his speech.
Shawn waved his hand dismissively, “Don’t worry, I can teleport us there.” He then reached over grabbing Mikes shoulder. “Just let me get the coordinates.”
“What do you mean telepo-”
A moment later they appeared hovering before the edge of Canterlot, below them was the lake sitting at the base of the mountain.
“Wrong coordinates!” Shawn yelled while grabbing Mikes shoulder again and teleporting.
In the mits of teleporting, something went wrong as they appeared with a bang, a certain changeling queen on their left and a downed Celestia on their right.
Shawn on one hand was knocked out. On the other, Mike was looking around at the mayhem before him.
“Shawn, I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore, and the inhabitants don’t look too happy to see us!” Mike looks towards his friend, who laid unconscious on the ground next to him, “Shawn?!” He began to shake the other human in an attempt to wake him up.
Chrysalis, on the other hoof, decided to be rid of them, after all, they were of no use.
“Shawn, big bug creature thing’s tryin’ to vaporize us!”
She shot forth the beam from her horn in an attempt to vaporize them. Mike was shaking Shawn like a madman trying to wake him up. A second later his eyes shot open and he threw an arm out towards the beam.
On his arm was a shield, it seemed to glow slightly. “I am glad I did not clear my inventory!” He swiped his arm away, the beam coming to a stop. “Magic cancellation shield, part of the shield mod!” He said with a confident grin as he stood up.
Mike quickly ran and ducked behind Shawn, covering his head with his hands and arms. “Well, you have the shield, so you defend me!”
Shawn rolled his eyes, “Then take this,” He reached to his side, his hand coming back with a wooden sword in its grasp. “You know how to somewhat use this right?” He said as the shield got hit with another spell from Chrysalis.
“No!”
“Good enough!” Shawn said while handing Mike the wooden sword. “It has the knockback enchantment on it. Just keep them away from me.” His head lifted slightly, his expression turning serious as he turned back towards Chrysalis, then to his shield.
“I think you broke a durability point... You BITCH!” He said, his fury spiking.
Mike took the sword and quickly inspected it, “I’ll give ‘em some wicked splinters, too!” he reasoned as he turned it around in his hand. He readied himself as he noticed a changeling preparing to lunge at him. It pounced, then he swung the weapon with all his might. The wood smacked the creature right in the cheek, sending it flying across the room and through the wall. It hit the floor on the other side, now completely unconscious. A random bystander saw the bug crash through the wall and yelled, “Oh yeah!”
Shawn didn’t pay attention as he was pressing forward towards the changeling queen, seemingly pissed off. After reaching a range that he deemed close enough, he waited for her to stop the spell. When she did, he responded with a shield bash, knocking her off her hooves to the floor.
“Don’t you dare damage my favorite, and tough to make, shield!” A moment later he was tackled by a random changeling. Even while on the floor he still shouted to Mike. “Damn it! I thought I said watch my back Mike!”
Mike had since been completely surrounded by the bug-ponies, “What the fuck do you think I’m doing?! God, this is worse than Vietnam!”
“You only wrote that!” Shawn pointed out from underneath his adversary.
“I can dream, Harold!”
“It ain’t Harold! It’s Shawn!”
“No, this is Patrick!”
“This ain’t the best time for these jokes!” Shawn yelled while punching the changeling on top of him off, only to have five more take its place.
“Oh yeah?” Mike prepared to attack the changelings surrounding him, “THIS. IS. SPAR-FUCK!” he tried to make the joke, but was knocked to the ground during the punchline.
The two eventually gave in to their foes. Then again, having twenty or so changelings on top of you might make you change-ling your mind.
Author's Note
That was bad, I'm sorry.
