Why Discord and Celestia don't share a shower
"Why can't I take a shower first?" Discord whined. "I only take one once a week, and now you wont let me? And you say I can't make up my mind."
"That's because your mind is so scrambled I hardly think you could decide if you want to use hot or cold water!" Celestia shot back. "And for your information, some ponies like to shower everyday! So excuse me if I choose to shower in the morning that I made!"
"Oh please," he scoffed. "Having a room next to you is like living next to a mockingbird that can mimic a train. Not only do you keep me awake, but you wake yourself most nights! Do you know how I know? It's because I'm usually up till the crack of your blinding! Sleepless! Horrible dawn!" He yelled jabbing her in the chest with his paw. "You owe me first dibs on the shower!"
"The only thing I owe you is a mouth full of soap!"
"Are you sure that's the only thing? Maybe you'd like to knock my other tooth out?" He growled.
"Maybe I should just knock them all out! Just so I don't have to listen to your incompetent chatter!"
Luna, sitting one floor below in the dining hall, was trying to read the paper when the shouting started. As it went on, her aggressive frown disappeared, in its place was a look much like the royal poker face used in court. The only difference in this though, was the not to subtle twitch of the eye as she pushed her chair out.
She opened the doors to the large room and exited, her guards, casting nervous glances at her, followed obediently.
Going down the stone halls, she went down the turns by memory, all the while hearing the yelling lower and rise whenever she had to turn away or turn towards the noise. As she went through the halls, besides the staff bowing, the guards had begun to follow her, all of them already knowing why.
As she was turning a corner, she felt the vibrations as a spell was cast. Sighing, she lit her horn and teleported into the room from where she was at. What she saw, made her forget her anger momentarily and stand in shock.
Both Celestia and Discord were covered in chocolate pudding, and, were currently in a ball trying to gain the upper hoof in whatever physical fight they had started. Clearing her throat as she saw Discord about to bite her sister's rear, and her sister about to chomp down on his tail, they both stopped and looked at each other, both of them with their mouths over the specified region of their bodies.
Slowly, with noises that made her flinch, they untangled themselves and stood in front of her, both of them casting nervous glances at the other.
"I was trying to have a nice breakfast," she said. "That was until you two buffoons began yelling about who gets the shower first. Why can't you just compromise?" She asked.
"Well," Discord said rubbing a arm. "I have a schedule to keep and I needed a shower since I slept in. My alarm clock flew away."
"I thought we told you to watch that thing?" Celestia asked.
"I did," he said. "I watched it fly away."
Celestia face-hoofed which made a sickly sounded as more of the pudding smeared across her face. Luna, shaking her head, turned to her sister as the Draconequus began to eat some off himself.
"Sister, why is it that you two are covered in... Pudding? At least, that's what I hope it is and not another Hearts and Hooves day prank from Discord."
"Those 'special' chocolates were for you sister! I swear it! How was I supposed to know you got the hot chili ones?" Discord said before going back to suck on his fist.
Turning back to her sister, she saw Celestia staring down at the floor, a hoof tracing a continuous circle in front of her. Following the trail of pudding, she saw sitting on her sisters bed, a two gallon can of chocolate pudding, fit snugly under the pillow.
"Sister," Luna sighed. "Were you not on a diet?"
"I'm sorry, Luna." She said. "I just needed something sweet. And living next to a god that eats nothing but sweets is infuriating! I've been trying to figure out how Discord hasn't gained a single pound!" She said getting up. "I may be a princess, but I'd like to have a treat whenever I'm stressed and not have to worry about it later."
"Oh? How don't I gain weight?" Discord said. "I just snap my talon and I send it to you, sun butt. Or a better name would be, super nova!" He laughed.
"You do what!?" Celestia said, pulling him down by his beard.
"I'm kidding! Kidding! It was a joke!" He said fearing for his life. "I really just get potato peeler and shave the pounds off!"
"Enough!" Luna yelled. "What about you two taking a shower? Have either of you thought of a compromise?"
Both of them stopped, looked at each other and shook their heads. Sighing, she nodded to herself as she licked her lips at what she was about to suggest.
"Why don't you two share the shower?"
"That's what we've been trying to do." Discord said.
"No, no, as in, both of you shower at the same time. Just share the shower." She said simply. "And if I have to come back here, I'll make you two use the royal garden hose."
As she teleported out, the two immortals gave each other hesitant looks as they turned towards the bathroom.
"So, how's this gonna work?" Discord asked. "Because I doubt you can get behind my ears."
"Keep you paw and talon to yourself and we should get along just fine." She snorted. "Now... Lets just get this over with and never speak of this again."
"Right, never speak of this again. But first, let me just get this pudding off us. It'll take less time to get clean." He said snapping his paw and cleaning the chocolaty snack off them.
As they both went to the door, they both stopped as they tried to enter at the same time. Celestia offered him to go first as he did the same for her, they both tried to enter at the same time again. Groaning, Discord picked her up by the shoulders and carried her in. She just had a look of disbelief as she curled up in his grip, looking much like a child being carried to the tub.
Setting her down, she narrowed her eyes as he got in behind her. Shutting the curtain, she was about to go for the faucet when Discord's tail slithered past her and turned the hot water on, after doing so he turned the cold on slightly.
"Please get your tail out from under me." She said feeling her cheeks growing warm.
"I know to keep my body parts to myself. With as many times as you bring it up, I'd say that's exactly what you want me to do. Can you pass my cactus shampoo?"
Celestia, for her sake, looked up and saw him staring at a green bottle on the rack in front of her. She picked it up in her magic and quickly gave it to him. As he squirted some into his paw, she grabbed her own and sat there for a moment, letting the water sink in.
She squealed slightly when she felt something drop on the back of her neck that sent cold pricks down her neck that carried the scent of a desert rose.
"Discord!" She said. " Be careful with that stuff! It's dripping on me."
"Sorry, but it almost got in my eye." He said. "Well, aren't you going to wash up considering I actually want to get out from this strange situation?"
"Would you stop implying I like having you shower with me? I'm starting to think you wish it was true." She said attempting to lift the bottle up. "Can I get some help? I can get the bottle in a good position to squirt into my mane."
Groaning, he took the bottle and squirted some into her mane.
"Alright, that's enough." She said making him stop.
"I'm glad, that was half the bottle to put on your puke ridden mane." He said. "Speaking of which, I never did apologize, did I?"
"No, you didn't." She said. "So, out of every place, any time, you chose now to apologize?"
"Heck no!" He laughed. "You shouldn't have to apologize for an accident. So, I wont."
Giving him a small glare, she took another product off from the rack.
"Discord..." She said lightly. "C-Could you get my wings? I can't reach them."
"Ooh! Aren't you the saucy one?" Discord laughed.
"You know I have a clear shot if I decide to buck. And, I'll just let you do the math. Look at how high you are to me, and figure out where I'd be aiming." She smirked as she heard his gasp.
"Point taken, hand it over super nova." He replied taking the bottle from her. "Excuse me if I turn your muscles to butter, I've been told I can work magic. If you know what I mean?"
"Please, just stop with the jokes. I'm starting to think you don't have the hots for my sister anymore."
"You wanna bet on that? Take a guess why she was up this morning." He said lathering her left wing.
"I'd rather not." She said. "Yes, right there." She purred. "Now, if you would mind doing the other one."
Adjusting himself, he put some more on her other wing and began to scrub it in. Letting the dust and dirt fall out, he smiled devilishly when he saw a loose feather. Grabbing it lightly with his talon, he jerked it away with a sudden movement of his arm. Snorting from the unexpected feeling, she glared at him from her side.
"So, back to the earlier topic." Discord said twirling the damp feather between his avian hand. "Do you know what me and your sister were doing?"
I'm not interested." She grunted.
"Alright, I was just going to say we had a little snog. If you know what I mean?" He chuckled.
That was the final straw for her. She looked down, and with a devilish grin of her own, she saw his tail. Raising a hoof, she quickly stomped down, getting a pained and surprised yelp from him.
"Ah! My tail! Why!?" He yelled making it suddenly curl up to himself.
Unfortunately, she lost her balance and in turn he lost his. Feeling herself falling back, she turned quickly and grabbed onto him. He grabbed onto her mane and suddenly found himself on the floor of the tub, holding her head in place as she rested on top of him.
"Well," he said feeling his cheeks heat up. "If this were any other time, I'd be making a crude joke. But, for now I'm just glad the water is cold."
"I-I think we're clean now." She said getting up and out while ignoring his comment.
Sputtering as the shower head assaulted his face for a second, he quickly turned it off and climbed out. Wiping the water from his eyes, he saw Celestia with an almost downcast look. Sighing, he was about to speak when she spoke for him.
"There's only one towel."
"I'll... Just teleport back to my room." He said. "So long, clam head!" He laughed as he teleported.
Celestia was left there to dry off with her towel. Using a quick spell to dry her wings, seeing as the feathers are delicate to the touch, she flattened her coat down so it wouldn't stick up in places. Opening the door to her room, she was greeted by an unusual sight.
"Luna? Why are you in my room?"
"Oh, no reason." She replied. "How was your shower, sister?" She laughed. "Did you two have a good time?"
"...You planned this, didn't you?"
"Revenge for sending me into the crystal heart and turning my mane into a waving constellation." She said.
"Cadence did warn you not to touch the heart," Celestia said. "That was your fault. Not mine."
Real world
The crowd, for a loss of words were laughing again in the same day. Celestia had a bright blush on her cheeks that only fueled the crowds laughter. And Discord, his head and upper body had been unfrozen, and now he was sporting a rather light blush as he pouted at Luna.
"Luna, how did you know what we were saying?" Celestia asked.
"I went into your dreams." She replied. "And I'm very surprised at yours, seeing as you show no feelings towards Discord; you had a very... Explicit dream. Many of which with cake."
Discord looked at Celestia, she caught him looking and was left with her mouth hanging open as he wiggled his eyebrows.
"Princess Luna," Twilight said. "Can we hear about what happened with the crystal heart? Or, how that's possible since the empire hadn't appeared when your mane was like that?"
"You would need to ask my sister about that." She replied. "I was unconscious for most of the time."
Author's Note
The royal garden hose is a fine mix of gold and silver thread. Encrusted with emeralds and diamonds, it is by far the most useless hose in the world seeing as the pegasai control the rain to water plants.