Come the next morning, Twilight Sparkle had almost forgotten what had her irritated so. She went through her morning rituals with nary a care in the world. Then she went into the dining room for breakfast. It all slowly came back to her.

Spike, currently feasting on precious gems with a small glare directed across the table, had discovered her and Prince Blueblood in the middle of some rather risqué acts. Prince Blueblood, daintily eating breakfast with his curlers still in his hair, had used some underhoofed technique to pleasure her. Blueblood's tongue, currently cleaning one of her feath-wait, what?

Yes, the prince had noticed her come down to breakfast and had taken out a purple feather he procured from somewhere. He then proceeded to make quite a show of licking it clean. And he was being quite thorough with it. He ran his mouth along the rachis without so much bending the vane. The downy portion of the after feather was straightened out and arranged in a beautiful, flared position. Every individual barb of just one of her feathers was being serviced and made so clean, Twilight was sure she would be able to see her face in them all. She felt rather hot all of a sudden.

Spike coughed. "Really, Twi? While we're eating?"
She looked to either side of her self. Her wings were spread wide open and Twilight could swear they were "throbbing".
"Oh!" she yelped, quickly willing them to fold again, though they proved reluctant to do so. "I just, I, well uh.....what, where are the others?" she stammered, inquiring the location of her dear friends.

"They decided to get a head start on the day," he explained. "and you know what? I'm gonna follow their lead." he continued, taking one large gem from his bowl and heading briskly towards a door leading outside. He turned to the ponies' general direction just before leaving.

"I know I can't tell you two not to do anything, but I would appreciate it if you kept it in your royal pants. I'd rather have last night be the extent of the kinkiness I see out of you." he huffed before leaving the room. Twilight didn't have time to defend her self before he was gone. With a groan of her own, she made to leave the castle herself.

"Skipping breakfast, dear?" Blueblood called mockingly from his seat at the table.
"I've lost my appetite. And don't call me 'dear'." she grumbled.

Unfazed, he shook the curlers from his mane, making sure it was neat, and galloped after her. He reached her quickly and slowed to a trot, so as to walk beside her. He gave her a smile. She brought her head low, avoiding his eyes. He inched closer to her, brushing lightly against her wing. She blushed furiously and brought her head even lower, almost scraping the ground. In that position, Blueblood had a clear path to his target. Without warning, he gave a quick nip at the base of her neck. Twilight yelped, her wings springing open and knocking over a precariously placed vase on one side of the hallway. A maid zoomed out from a nearby room to clean it's shards, seemingly summoned by the noise. Twilight rushed up to Blueblood's eerily delighted face, and glared at him intensely.

"What. Are. You. Doing?" she growled. The prince chortled.
"Isn't it obvious? I'm just giving a mare what she wants." He said, the smile his face practically begging to be caved in with one well-placed punch.

But Twilight knew he was right, and the scowl faded from her face. Last night had been, for lack of a better term, magical. Spike's interruption had kept the prince from finishing her, and made the following night very difficult to sleep through. She needed him. As much as it made her want to telekinetically choke him, she needed another Blueblood Special.

"Maybe," he began, "I'll do it for you again if you ask nicely."
Twilight took one look at his smug face. She had only one course of action. She backed away a few steps and motioned him down to her. He confidently bowed down and put his ear next to her mouth, ready to hear her beg him to make her feel good with his mouth.
She inhaled deeply and blew a huge raspberry in his ear.
"Eeyah!" he yelled, and reared back in disgust. Twilight had a good laugh at his reaction. Even the maid, still pretending she had work to do, stifled a few chuckles. When he was sure his ear was clear of spittle, he whipped around to her, wild-eyed.
"Why you little-!" he began to say, a hoof raised threateningly. All of a sudden, a high-pitched voice piped up.

"Hey! What are you guys talkin' about?"

They two royals turned to find Pinkie Pie, one of Twilight's good friends from Ponyville, staring at them curiously.
"Sky Pirates!" they both answered quickly, giving each other an awkward glance at the simultaneous thought.

"Really? Those exist?" She asked incredulously.
"Oh yeah. Totally." Twilight assured her.
"As a matter of fact," Blueblood added, "they're kind of a big secret right now, Miss Pie. We'd like it if you kept it to yourself. Don't want the country panicking, now would we?"

Pinkie gasped, but then made a zipping motion with her mouth, then a digging motion, then a pushing motion with visible strain, before making a striking motion in the spot she was pushing towards. The prince just watched, puzzled, before turning to Twilight, his face begging for answers.
"Don't ask." she said flatly, before walking away quickly. Blueblood considered following her, but decided against it. She would come around on her own later, he was sure. And she would pay for what she did to his ear. He took off in the opposite direction, leaving Pinkie alone with the maid, who had long since cleaned up the shards of vase from the floor. She grinned rather strangely at Pinkie.

"Um, Miss Pie?" she said quietly.
"Oh, hi!" Pinkie said, finally noticing her. "What's your name?"
"Loose Lips, but that's not important. Would you like to know what those two were really up to?"
"You mean...we don't have to worry about pirates in the sky?"

Applejack stopped her feverish mixing and set her bowl down. She then took off her hat and rubbed her temples, unable to believe what she'd just heard.

"Alright. Let me get this straight: Spike, our Spike now, found Twilight, and this is our Twilight, making hay with that varmint Bluebeer?"
"Yes!" Pinkie shouted.
The apple farmer just looked at her. Her disbelief was palpable.

"And you're sure yer not tryin' to pull the wool over mah eyes?"
"No, it's 100%, super duper, royally true! I mean, I thought Bluebud was the stickiest stick in the mud ever, but I guess he's really good at that kind of fun!"

Applejack seemed at a loss for words. Her best friend Twilight. And that low-down, rotten snake?

"I...I just don't know about this. I need some time to think." she left the counter she was working on, still shaking her head trying to make sense of it all.
"But, aren't you gonna finish this cake?" Pinkie called after her.
"Uh, think you can handle that, sugar cube?"
Pinkie smiled broadly. "Sure can!"

"No way!" Rainbow Dash yelled aloud in pure disbelief. "No friggin' way!"
"It's true, Dash. Pinkie told me all about it. And I'm havin' trouble connectin' the dots myself."

Rainbow snarled and turned in every direction, as though searching for something to take her anger out on. Twilight, her best bud and new flying partner doin' it with Bluebutt?! Dash always thought she had bad taste before, but this really took the cake.

"He has to working some kind of angle!"
"Beg yer pardon?"
"Ya know, he must be getting something out of her for this! She wouldn't just let him touch her like that for no good reason!And we gotta find out what it is!"
"Well, let Pinkie tell it, she was really enjoyin' herself..."
"Oh get real, Aj. Like Blueblood knows how to please a girl!"
"And you do?"
".....oh, shut up."

"So, Fluttershy, can I count on you for backup or not?"
"I don't really understand, what are we doing?"
"Blueboar is sexually extorting Twilight! And we have to stop him!"
Fluttershy sighed and petted the joey in front of her. He had alot of other baby wallaroos he could play with, but she was glad he had decided to spend time with her. Until Rainbow showed up with her wild accusations.

"Rainbow, how can you be sure this is all Blueblood's doing?"
Rainbow raised an eyebrow. "You mean, Twilight might be extorting him? Good one, Shy, I'll have a good laugh at that later."
"No, no. None of that. I mean, what if, maybe, they both want this?" she put forth, letting the joey hop away to bat at Rainbow's tail. Dash waved it away.

"You mean, like, they're dating? Why wouldn't she tell us about it if that were true?"
"Well think about it, Rainbow. You found out and came to me planning an attack on royalty based just on them being...intimate." she reasoned. "Would you have taken it any better if she was honest with us?"

Rainbow paused to give it thought. "I guess not." she admitted. She landed and turned to walk away. At the last second she called over her shoulder,

"But if you're wrong and I end up tackling that jerk?"
"I'll have your back." Shy responded.
"Thanks, Shy. Knew I could count on you."

"Um, Rarity, could you please stop pourin-ow!"
"Oh dear! terribly sorry, Fluttershy." Rarity apologized, grabbing a few napkins to soak the hot tea off of Shy's lap.
"I was just rather...distracted. I could have sworn you said that Twilight and Prince Blueblood were having some sort of affair!" she said, chuckling. She began to take a sip of tea.

"But, I think it's true. Rainbow heard from Applejack who heard from Pinkie who found out from a servant in the castle that they were...together." Fluttershy urged, taking a moment to choose her words.

On 'together', Rarity spit out her tea at a rather high velocity, hitting Fluttershy directly in the face. It was still hot.
"Ow."
"Sorry again, dear." she said distantly, handing her yet more napkins.
Rarity simply stared at the remaining tea in her cup, her thoughts gathering strength again.
Twilight and Blueblood. Blueblood and Twilight. No. That doesn't sound right no matter how many times I hear it. My dear, sweet friend Twilight and that worthless ingrate, Blueblood. Together? A couple? Husband and Wife? Princess and Prince? No! This will not do! This will not do at all!

She stood up rather suddenly. Her face was stern. She was now a mare with a mission.
"Fluttershy, I must fix this."
"Fix it? What do you mean? How?"
"I'm going to go to the one pony in charge of such matters of the heart. Once she has her say, he will have to break up whatever little game he's playing! Wish me luck, darling!" and with that, she sped off without another word.

"Rarity wai-oh. It's Rainbow Dash all over again."

"...and that's why I've come to you, Princess Cadance. As the Princess of Love you simply must stop this mockery of it!" Rarity begged.
"Stop it?" Cadance asked, her puzzled look slowly cracking into a manic grin.
"Stop it?! I love, love, love it!" she cheered, leaping out of her seat. "Just think, Rarity. Twilight and my precious Blueblood! Together! Oh, this is wonderful news! I wonder how long they've been seeing each other? Or how Bb managed to win her over? Eeee, I'm so excited!" she exclaimed, prancing in place out of sheer joy.

Rarity was pretty shocked by her reaction. How could she possibly be celebrating this?
"Princess, this is no time for happiness!" she shouted.
"Twilight is currently being strung along for some reason by that virtueless cad! Whatever end he is utilizing her for cannot bode well for her! You simply must stop that beastly stallion from preying on her!"

Cadance's smile ran away from her face. Far from being convinced, she gave Rarity a rather piercing, dirty look.
"Watch it, Rarity," she warned. "That's my little brother you're talking about."

"Blueblood is...your brother?" Rarity responded, in very sincere surprise. She shuffled her hooves a little before asking, with a very straight face, "Are you sure he's not adopted, dear?"

"Here you go, honey." Shining Armor said as he offered his wife a bag of ice. She gratefully took it before gingerly applying it to her blackened eye.

"Now, if you don't mind me asking, what on earth were you and Rarity fighting over? You two get along any other time."
"Oh, it's nothing, dear. She just made a little comment about my brother that I didn't agree with."
And so I obviously had to clean her prissy little clock! she thought to herself.

Shining sighed.
"Cadance, I know you love your brother and all, but you have to realize he's not the easiest guy to get along with."
"Oh Shiny," she whined, "not you too! I'm telling you, he can be a real sweetheart if you get to know him! Why, just ask Twili-" she stopped herself, covering her mouth with a hoof. But it was too late.

"What? What about Twilie?"
"Oh, darn." Cadance muttered. "I wasn't going to tell you this soon, but, Twilight and Blueblood," Shining held his breath.
"are dating!" she finally blurted out.
"They're WHAT!?" he shrieked.
"That's what me and Rarity were talking about. She wanted me to break them up, can you believe that?"
"Yes! yes I can!" Shining yelled, practically sprinting to the door. "and you should probably reconsider, because I might have to kill him otherwise!" he shouted over his shoulder before slamming the door shut.

"Shining, wait!" Cadance called, running after him.

"We do not understand your distress. What exactly is troubling you?"
"Princess Luna," Shining said slowly, trying to regain composure. "Prince Blueblood is...he's...involved with my sister." He spoke as if the words would corrode his mouth on contact.

Luna's eyes widened. "Blueblood? The Princess of Magic has been courted by our grandson successfully?"
"Yeah, and it makes me sick to my stomach just thinking about it."
"Well, we can comprehend thy strong resentment well enough. We are mainly surprised at such an outcome."
Shining looked up at her, some momentary relief easing into his face. If Luna was on his side...

"Really?" he asked.
"Why yes. We knew that he was a stallion of hidden talents, but we never would have fathomed he was hiding abilities sufficient to win the heart of the Element of Magic!"
Shining's face fell.

"Sir Pony of Joe, we wish to confide in thee." Luna explained, as the aforementioned waiter brought the princess her usual order.
"Oh, of course, Your Highness. You can tell me anything." He said, some nervousness evident in his voice.

Luna reasoned she would go unheard in a packed environment like Donut Joe's.
She was wrong.

Author's Note

Whew!
That was a long one.

Points for whoever can figure out what Pinkie was signing out.

Oh, and Feedback is encouraged.