The Blueblood Special

Dear Esteemed Chief of the EarthShaker Clan,

We are well aware of the circumstances of your illness, and extend our deepest apologies that you will not be able to attend the coming Summit.

Twilight began, as she wrote her letter to one of the chieftains that ran the minotaurs' native land. He apparently was too sick to make the journey to Canterlot, which was a very unusual happening in itself. Their secretiveness about it was even more cause for concern. What sickness could be so bad that that Equestria couldn't know about it?

These thoughts occupied Twilight enough that she didn't notice the two mares that entered the office she had chosen to work in. They crept in quietly, making their way to her. One tapped her shoulder, prompting her to turn to it.

"Um, hello Twilight." mumbled her friend, Fluttershy. Twilight would have returned the greeting, but was cut off by a loud noise on her other side.

"Hellooooo, Princess!" It rang, starling her. She leapt up excitedly, knocking her inkwell over what was to be her letter. She glowered at it, then at Pinkie Pie.

"Oh no, come right on in, not concentrating or anything." she grumbled.
"Oh, I'm sorry Twilight, but," Fluttershy said, shrinking back a little. "we're just so excited for you!"

Twilight looked at them, puzzled. Fluttershy had a smile, but seemed to also have a slow developing blush. Pinkie grinning was no shocker, but this one in particular seemed to hint at something more mischievous than per usual.

"What did I do?" she asked them, as she cleared away the mess of ink and retrieving her quill.
"You got a coltfriend, didn't you?" Fluttershy asked.

At the accusation, the quill in Twilight's magical grip snapped in two, and the alicorn herself carried a look of shock. Slowly, she turned back to her, an uneasy smile on her face.

"W-What would give you that idea?"
"Aw c'mon, Twilight! You can't fool Ol' Pinkie Pie. There's no such thing as sky pirates! Me and Flutters know all about you and Prince Blueblood's, ahem," Pinkie got close to Twilight's ear, and said just above a whisper, "Secret Bedroom Butt Fun."

Twilight stood there, looking at them both for the briefest of seconds, before leaping on Pinkie with a yell.

"WHO TOLD YOU!?" she shrieked.
"I have my sources?" the mare under her added hopefully, her smile faltering upon seeing her distress.

Twilight grew wild eyed and raised her hoof in a threatening manner, but felt a weak tug on it before she could send it in any direction. She could see a yellow hoof holding it. Whipping her head around, Fluttershy was straining to keep it back.

"Stop, Twilight!" she squeaked. Getting off Pinkie, Twilight advanced on the pegasus instead, with a dangerous look in her eyes. But just as quickly as it had come, her rage subsided, her face falling as she slumped to the floor and put her wings over her eyes. She sighed deeply before asking them,

"Who else knows?"
"Well, I told Applejack."
"Rainbow Dash told me she heard it from her, and I sort of told Rarity..."
"Fluttershy!"
"Ah! I only told her in passing, and she seemed really upset about it! She said she was going to get someone else to stop it..."

Twilight gave a huge groan. This wasn't good. It was a catastrophe. If all of her friends knew about last night and thought she was straight-up dating that douche, than there was no telling what the rest of Canterlot was brewing up in their minds.

"Soooooo, Twilight?" Pinkie started, inching up to her face.
"What makes the prince 'The Best Lover in Canterlot'?"
The princess's jaw dropped.

"I never called him-!"
"Oh, does he have like a super sexy spell? Any royal kinks?"
"Pinkie, I wouldn't know anything about-"
"Gasp! Or maybe he does something special to your horn?"
"No, it has nothing to do with my horn, per say."

Pinkie looked at her blankly for a moment before donning a look of comprehension.

"Oooooooh, I get ya," she said, nudging and winking at her. She brought her front hooves together and slowly began to separate them.
"Just tell me when to stop, Twilight."

"Pinkie!" Twilight shouted, "I don't know or care how big he is and I am not going to talk about the sex I do not have with Prince Blueblood!" she said, punctuating her statement with a stamp from her hoof. Her hyper friend went silent and stared at her, then looked away somewhat awkwardly. Twilight stepped back and did the same, uncomfortable with her own outburst. It wasn't very long before her third friend in the room, whom had been content to simply blush at Pinkie's questions, voiced her own inquiry.

"Does...does he have like, you know....toys?"

Twilight gave a bright blush of her own, and stood up, fed up of the situation.
"That's it, get out."
The two other ponies started at her.
"I mean it! Get out! Out, out, out! Both of you!"

She reared up and herded them to the door, despite their protests.
Once they were out of the room, Pinkie quickly spun around.

"Okay, bye Twilight! Remember, me and Shy are rootin' for-"
Bam!
Twilight shut the door on them and walked back to her desk. Still stained with ink, she resisted the urge to slam her face down on it. Concentrating, she used her magic to summon a rag to mop the mess up with. In no time at all, a blue rag appeared in front of her, which was a little odd. The other ones had been violet. Shrugging, she cleaned up the rest of the mess before sending it back from whence it came.

There was a knock at the door. Twilight ignored it at first. She was in no mood to entertain.
"Twilight! You in there?" a familiar voice rang.
Realizing who it was, the princess got up quickly to open it. It was her sister-in-law and fellow princess, Cadance.
With a slightly faded but very noticeable black eye.

"Cadance, wha-what happened to you!?"
"Oh nothing, just got in a little fight."
"With who!?"
"Not important. May I come in?" she said, passing around Twilight nimbly.

Perturbed that she dodged her questions, Twilight followed her. Cadance stopped in the middle of the room, looking at her knowingly. Twilight rolled her eyes, but smiled anyway as she went in front of her and began to prance.

Sunshine, sunshine.
Ladybugs awake.
Clap your hooves,
And do a little shake!

They giggled at the completion of their childish hoofshake, which cheered up Twilight considerably.

"So, Twilight I came because I wanted to talk to you about something....important." Cadance began.
Twilight held her breath. Please don't be about Blueblood, please don't be about Blueblood, please don't be about Blueblood! she desperately thought.

"I was just wondering what you would like in a coltfriend."
Twilight let out her held breath. She didn't know. She wouldn't ask about something like that if she thought she was already with someone.

"Oh, I guess I really don't have a 'type' if that's what you mean."
Cadance smiled a little wider.

"Well, surely you would want him to be brainy."
"I suppose being well-read couldn't hurt a stallion's chances."
"Do you like them muscular, Twi?"

Twilight recalled one spring long ago, where she visited Applejack's farm for a reason she couldn't remember. On that particular day, her brother Big Macintosh was hauling an enormous train of wagons all bearing slightly more fruit than Twilight thought could exist in the world. The stallion showed the bare minimum of effort, even as his muscles rippled from the strain. Little beads of sweat were showing here and there as his body glistened in the low light of the afternoon. He looked in Twilight's direction, gave a small smile, and waved. She smiled goofily, and waved back. Mac and a good eight minutes had passed before Applejack was able to get her attention again.

"Yeah," she finally responded to Cadance. "I like muscular."
"Any particular coat colors you're attracted to? Orange, blue, yellow....white?"

Twilight thought of all the white-coated ponies in her life.
Her mom: Always there to support her.
Her brother: Protective and loving.
Rarity: Beautiful and generous with all she had.
Celestia

"Oh, I definitely could go for a white coat."
Delighted at this, Cadance seemed to be through with her questioning for the time being.
"Well, I think I have everything I need. I'll see you later, Twilight."

As she made for the door, a thought occurred to the purple alicorn.
"Why did you ask all those questions?"
Cadance had time to spin around and give a very knowing grin.

"Nothing at all, Twilight just wanted to know. I was just a little curious." she said, closing the door.
Twilight shook her head. She knew what she was up to. She was trying to set her up with some stallions. While that would be annoying, it might be enough to convince others she wasn't shacking up with the prince.

Suddenly, Cadance popped her head back in the door.
"You don't care if he's royalty or not, right?" Momentarily surprised, Twilight answered,
"Of course not, Cadance."
"Okay, just wanted to be sure."
She closed the door again.

Twilight chuckled a little. She was grateful at least one pony hadn't been caught up in this ridiculous mess.

Cadance rushed down the halls of Canterlot castle, her smile so big it threatened to swallow her face.

"I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! They're together and they are perfect!" she sang.