I Just Don’t Understand
An MLP one-shot by Mr. Snowpony
The Truth
Celestia craned her neck, the aching bones within cracking in elation. Today had been a long and tiresome day.
Stepping down from her throne, the guards to her sides saluted firmly awaiting for instructions. It was such a monotonous action. So monotonous. Just another tradition from eons past that she could care less about.
“At ease, soldiers. I shall lower my sun and prepare for the night. I will also visit my sister at her bedchambers if she has awoken already. You may organize the night guards to prepare the throne for her arrival. Captain Quatrefoil, Captain Buckler, at my sides.”
Striking their armor with their hooves, the unmentioned guards marched off to carry out their assigned duty. The two captains swiftly positioned themselves beside the Solar Monarch. Together, the three ponies marched onward towards the eastern wing.
Silently, the princess sighed. She didn't really want these soldiers flanking her while she simply visited her sister, but protocol directed that royalty must always be watched over in case of any unexpected danger.
Whoever wrote these rules can eat a bag of rocks. Everypony knew that the princesses were more powerful than any common miscreant and that any actual danger to the throne was few and far between.
However, she couldn't deny the possibility that these villains could still strike at any moment. Perhaps, having these stallions by her side wasn't completely inappreciable.
They turned another corner. The castle was silent right now. Nothing terrible was happening around Equestria either. This bored the princess to death. She noted that it must be so horrible of her to want something to go awry in her country, but the tedium of royal life was taking its toll on her sanity.
Turning a final bend, they had reached the Night Princess’ room, two more guards standing at its doors. Celestia nodded towards the four ponies and stated her final orders, “You are all dismissed. I would like to be alone with my sister.”
Saluting, the royal guards excused themselves to carry out any other duty they may be needed for. When they had turned out of sight, the princess let out a breath of relief, a warm smile gracing her face. The royal façade was getting exhausting lately.
Turning towards the doorway, she rapped on the oaken wood and patiently waited for her sister to respond, “Luna? Oh Lulu, are you awake? It is time to start the night.”
Opening the door, the Lunar Monarch smiled sweetly up at her sister, “Good afternoon, Celly. Would you like to come in?”
“I would love to, but only to lower my sun. The day has been taxing on me and I plan to go to bed early. Perhaps tomorrow, we could sit together and have tea and biscuits. I still have so much to tell you about the thousand years you were gone.”
The Moon Princess smiled. The bitterness she felt from all those years ago had finally washed away. Now, she was happy just to be with her sister and her thoughts mainly focused upon wanting to know the events of the years she had missed.
“I would very much enjoy that. I look forward to our conversation tomorrow,” Stepping aside, Luna allowed her sister entrance.
Celestia gladly trotted in and headed towards the balcony doors, opening them wide to see her star coming close to the end of its journey. Concentrating her magic, she gradually guided it beyond the mountains and oceans, hiding it away from the world until tomorrow when the cycle resumes. Taking her cue, Luna elegantly set her moon on track, dotting the sky with her effervescent stars alongside to drape the satellite in enigmatic beauty.
Celestia smiled towards her sister and bowed in adulation, “Good night, dear sister. Wake me when the night is over.”
“Good night, Celestia. May you have pleasant dreams as you rest.”
“Thank you, Luna.”
The elder sister made her way back to the bedroom door. Coming out, she saw guards stationed behind them waiting for her. She really wasn't surprised all that much. She wanted to be alone, but the guards had a duty to fulfill. Celestia reluctantly accepted their presence.
“I would like to get to my room. I shall slumber early tonight.”
The guards nodded and flanked the princess accordingly. Once Celestia started walking, the guards followed suit. Just another dreary hike on another dreary evening.
Celestia took this time to get lost in her thoughts, to remind herself why she always put up with this aggravating charade. This wasn't the first time she’d wanted to change things after all.
It was all for one reason, really. One reason that always kept her hoof at bay from changing the status quo. Going through with changing something so ingrained into the culture of her subjects would be too drastic for them. They wouldn't be able to handle it and she couldn't do that to them.
No, not when he would.
There was an expectation from everypony for every single action she would do. If she did not adhere to these expectations, there would be mass chaos and confusion and she had worked far too hard and far too long to let anything like that happen just because of a single slip up.
No, she had to keep the world the way it was, as much as it irked her to admit it.
She hadn't realized that they had already arrived, the stoic soldiers looking a little anxious behind their austere masquerade. They were probably standing there far longer than was typical of the royal mare. The princess was quick to fix this and apologetically sent them away. Embarrassed, she let herself inside her room.
She couldn't wait to just plop down and sink into her mattress but when she came in, all thoughts were immediately ignored. Somepony else was sitting on her bed and she frowned when she saw who it was.
She closed the doors, “What do you want, Discord?”
The draconequus grinned, “That’s harsh, Celestia. Not even a ‘hello’ or a ‘how are you?’ You immediately jump to the conclusion that I’m visiting you merely because I have an ulterior motive in mind. Why can’t you just trust that I came here to simply have a nice chat with my oldest and dearest friend?”
As a magical halo appeared over the draconequus’ head, Celestia rolled her eyes and walked towards her dresser. She began levitating her tiara off and removing her gorget, “Because it’s true, Discord. You never show yourself unless there’s something you want from me.”
Discord took the ring off and threw it out the window apathetically, “Fine, you've caught me. I do have something I want to know. However, it may shock you to hear that I do want to talk about this seriously since I am honestly addled about something you've done recently.”
Celestia’s interest was piqued but nonetheless she kept her composure, “Alright, Discord. What do you want to know?”
“Well, it’s just that, I heard a little rumor going around that a certain bookworm’s been turned into an alicorn princess as of late. I’d have actually known of this personally if I was invited to the ceremony but, you know, details…”
Celestia listened intently and nodded at the draconequus’ words, “I’m sorry you weren't asked to join the festivities but you have to consider that you still frighten the general populace. I had no choice in the matter, I couldn't let you come. And, though I’m sure you’re simply mocking me, I can ascertain that Twilight has indeed ascended into alicorn status. What is your point?”
Drinking from a bowler hat, Discord made a spit take out of confusion, “My point? Well, frankly, I just don’t understand why you did this! It’s just not something you normally do. And, frankly my dear, I know you better than your own sister does. You detest things you don’t do. Either that, or you detest not being able to do the things you don’t do. In fact, I bet you were thinking about not doing something on your way over to this very bedchamber. Am I hitting too close to home?”
There was a crack in Celestia’s calm exterior. It always scared her when the Spirit of Chaos was right. She never really knew how far he would take his pansophical knowledge.
He was idly playing with an accordion this time, “I do feel sorry for the poor filly, though. You had to kill her didn't you? That’s the only way she could turn into one of your detestable species. Have I ever thanked you for killing off mine, by the way? Oh, how ever grateful I am.”
The sarcasm wasn't lost on Celestia, “Your species were monsters, Discord. They put the world in disarray and there was no peace for any other creature of the time. I had to do something about them otherwise ponykind would have forever suffered.”
“And you think that is justification for genocide?! Bah! Benevolent princess, my tail!”
Celestia’s heart fell. She knew the draconequus had a point but she had to convince herself that those were dark times. She had to make serious decisions to ensure the ponies of time could have a harmonious future.
“There was no other way, Discord. There was no convincing your species at all. I regret that it had to come to it, but they gave me no choice.”
The draconequus only glared at the monarch, her expression becoming dourer as he simply stared down at her.
And then he started laughing. The princess was shocked by the change in mood and didn't speak a word to allow him to explain this madness, “Oh, your face is just priceless, Tia! Oh dear, you make this too easy sometimes!”
Celestia was too dumbfounded to react to the situation. She simply stood in place and waited for the spirit to start speaking again.
“Oh, Celestia, of course we deserved it! We were evil! We terrorized everypony and turned the land into an M.C. Equine painting! However, that just leaves another question. You eradicated them – all of them – but you and Luna simply trapped me in stone. Why?”
Celestia shifted in her hooves, made aware that she hadn't taken her slippers off yet. That draconequus was far too observant to her liking, “Because we knew you, Discord, and you were the last one. We couldn't go through with ending you off.”
“Turning me into a statue wasn't any better, you know? You made me into a lawn ornament and kept me that way for a thousand years! Do you know how stiff I felt when I finally got free?!”
Celestia was quick to retort, “We showed you mercy. We let you freeze up in any position that you wanted.”
The draconequus sighed in contentment, “Ah, that was the longest falsetto of my life…”
“But then you got free and you started causing havoc again. I was forced to make my student turn you back into stone. However, this time you were frozen with a pained look on your face. I couldn't bear to do that to you for all eternity. I had to set you free.”
Discord was somehow in train conductor clothing now, “And I’m glad you did. But we’ve deviated far enough, let’s get back on track.” His garments quickly vanished, “Wing-a-ling Pony Princess Twilight Sparkle: explain that to me.”
Celestia conceded and removed the slippers from her feet, “Twilight Sparkle understands friendship far better than any other pony I have ever met. A strong form of magic such as hers has fantastic potential that a simple unicorn body cannot completely grasp. It just isn't made for that much power. She had to be made an alicorn to ensure that this magic never dies. As for her princesshood, it just so happens that everypony in my kingdom perceives alicorns as proper nobility. It was only rational to accommodate their belief.”
Discord raised an eyebrow, “Poppycock! First of all, just because there are only four of you in existence, that doesn't mean that you should haughtily deem yourselves as the leaders of the modern world. That’s just simply arrogant. Secondly, friendship may be magic, but I don’t believe for a second that you chose Twilight because she’s the final and best candidate for the job. If you hadn't done this and she had died like everypony else, I’m sure that some other pony in the future would have been just as suitable, if not more so, than your nerdy librarian pet. Why Twilight? Why now?”
The Solar Monarch didn't miss a beat, “Because she is the first. If you’re protesting her princesshood so much, then why not bother me about Cadance. She too ascended into alicorn status and that was from her understanding love just as well as Twilight comprehends friendship.”
“That’s pony manure and you know it, Celestia! She does not understand love. She just has the stupid capacity to force love onto others which, if put in the proper perspective, truly is a horrible, horrible ability. What if the ponies don’t want to fall in love? What if the ponies were already involved in another romance? Nope! Doesn’t matter! She just forces the two ponies to start stuffing their faces into one other, never really taking into consideration the consequences of her actions. Your adoptive niece is a determent to pony society.”
For the first time since their conversation started, Celestia was tremendously angered by the draconequus’ unwarranted criticism, “How dare you?! My niece knows far better than you give her credit for! She DOES understand love and that’s how she understands who to cast it on and who not to! The ponies blessed by her magic are those who already were romantically involved or those who were obviously besotted with each other. She just quickens the process and amplifies their affections. She doesn't force ANYTHING!”
Discord wasn't so easily contradicted. He had more to say about the issue, “Love is never definite! There can always be the chance that the pony you fall in love with is wrong for you! They may have an abusive, condescending, or petty side to them and that can break your heart! In fact, to put this into perspective, this pony could be cruel enough that they would even turn you into stone!”
Celestia was rendered speechless. She was not expecting that revelation, “Discord… Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”
The draconequus sighed and waved his talon aloofly, “It doesn't matter. I’m old and bitter. My infatuation for you has long since past. It hurt when you didn't realize it, but I’m over it now. It actually kinda comforts me to know that even you have never had a relationship after all this time.”
The Solar Monarch’s eyes were as wide as her sun.
“Wait a minute…” It suddenly clicked. He finally understood, “That’s it, isn't it? You’re just as old and bitter as I am…”
It couldn't be. He couldn't have figured it out so easily, “Discord, it’s not what you think…”
“Of course, the answer’s so simple!”
“Discord…”
“You’re in love with her, aren't you?!”
“No! You have it all wrong!”
“You want her to be an alicorn so you can pursue a romance with her. Letting her stay as a unicorn will eventually kill her. You can’t handle that. You’re doing the same thing you did to me! You’re keeping her alive forever!”
“No…”
“That is cold, Celestia – selfish and cold. I wasn’t wrong, was I? There is an ugly side to every pony. Everypony including you.”
She was caught. The draconequus was too astute. She sighed and didn't deny it any further, “You wouldn't understand, Discord.”
Eating a glass of wine, Discord spoke offhandedly, “Oh, I understand. I would've likely done the same thing in your place. But, then again, I’m evil. What does that say about you, Tia?”
That crushed her, “I couldn't let her go. She means too much to me.”
He threw the glass away, “You’re weak, Celestia. It's all there on papyrus: why you kept us, why you never did away with us. Your sister, your student, and even that stupid, self-appointed ‘King’ Sombra. We were kept alive for your benefit, because you felt responsible."
Celestia began to cower. He was taking the conversation to places she didn't like.
"He was important to you, wasn't he? Someway, somehow, he was important. But why? Well, he WAS rather powerful. Maybe he was from your father’s era? Aha! That’s it, isn't it! He was the only left!”
She was pleading, “Don’t draw this out, Discord. I beg of you.”
“He was the last living remnant from the time your parents ruled the country, a time when everypony performed incredible feats far greater than any pony this age could. You couldn't let that power go, could you? It was too precious to lose. Why, ponies could still raise the sun at that time! And it was all thanks to your parents. I mean, they were amazing leaders, even I can’t deny that. So amazing, in fact, that you couldn't accept your mother’s title when they had finally kicked the bucket. You felt you were a discredit to them!”
“Mother and Father have nothing to do with this conversation! Leave them at peace!”
“You don’t even talk about them now. Your subjects don’t even know about them! Not even a book about good ol’ Father Time and Mother Nature. Is it because you felt so inadequate that you needed to eliminate them from history to make yourself pony numero uno?”
“Shut up.”
“Your sister doesn't even seem to talk about them either. Did you get her in on this too?”
“Shut UP!”
“And you call me the monster.”
Celestia’s heart felt broken. She felt tears streaming down her face from all that had been said. Her fiercest enemy threw the truth all back at her, nary a care for how she’d feel.
“You destroyed her, by the way. Did you know that?”
Celestia looked back up at her accuser. It frightened her that he wasn't finished.
“Your precious Twilight Sparkle is going to live forever now. Her friends and family will die right before her eyes. She will see entire civilizations rise and fall as you do.”
“She’ll have me to comfort her through it all. I know how it goes. I went through the same trials and tribulations.”
Discord rose his paw and claw up in contempt to the alicorn, “Oh, I’m sorry! Your existence obviously make everything I said null and better,” He frowned once more, “That is SUCH a vain answer, Celestia! You can’t rationalize what you just did to this poor pony! She’s going to live your life. Think, for a moment, the implication of that idea! She’s going to live forever and become just as pathetic as you did.”
“No! Those were my mistakes to make. I’ll guide her. I’ll not let her go through the same turmoil I did.”
“Oh, so she’s also your redemption card, is that it? You’re a sad pony, Celestia. I don’t know what I ever saw in you.”
Celestia was crying uncontrollably now. She couldn't fight back anymore. The draconequus had won, “Is this it? Is this what you came here for? To punish me for all my missteps in life? Everlasting guilt brought forth from my greatest enemy?”
Discord frowned and stepped closer towards Celestia, placing a paw on her shoulder much to her shock, “I’m not your enemy, Celestia. I never was. In fact, I may be your greatest friend at the moment. Why do you think I admonish you so bluntly?”
Celestia shook her head. She honestly didn't know.
“So you can see for yourself that you aren't perfect. I just wanted you to know that before you ruin her life even more.”
Discord floated back to the bed. The Solar Monarch stared blankly up at him.
“Fix your mistakes, Celestia. It's not too late.”
Celestia solemnly nodded, closing her eyes and wiping her tears away, “I promise I’ll take care of her, and to make her life exciting for the rest of eternity. I can’t change the past, but I can try to mend it starting with her.”
Opening her eyes, she was shocked to see that the draconequus was gone. A wooden sign post, pierced into her bed, stood where he used to lie.
’I JUST BATMARED YOU, PRINCESS CAKE-BUTT! HOW DO YOU LIKE DEM APPLES?!’
Celestia was bemused. Not knowing how else to react, the alicorn princess laughed. She simply laughed out loud.
She was relieved yet saddened that the draconequus had left. Reflecting upon her conversation with him, she knew that his words rang true. Every single criticism was a guide for her to try and correct the mistakes that have haunted her for the past thousand years and she appreciated that the Spirit of Chaos brought them all to light for her.
She smiled forlornly. Perhaps he was her greatest friend.
Removing the sign from the bed, she dropped down onto it brusquely trying to get the blankets to lay on top of her. Whatever needed to be done, she’ll take care of it tomorrow.
She just wanted to get some sleep.
