My Little Stripper: Dancing is Magic

by The Read Later List

Rating: mature
Tags: Human, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Original Character, Comedy
Length: 7623

Dandy Sweets is about to give a whole new meaning to the term pole-dancing...

Brought to you by the creators of the classic tale, Twilight Watches a Porno, comes a new timeless story of wondrous adventure. Join our two friends as they journey through a tale of discovery, harrowing action, grandeur, and of course, crossing lines that were never meant to be crossed.

Dandy Sweets is a well meaning, but rougher around the edges sort of pony. Cheyenne is a less than well meaning, slightly standoffish sort of person. Both of these firecats get stuck in the same one bedroom apartment together, both of them are jobless, and both of them are desperate for some income. Yet, the biggest challenge may just be trying not to tear each other’s throats out.

Luckily for them both, a friend presents an auspicious offer, one that promises to help them get the leg up in life they need, so to speak.

Written and Directed by Alex Nuage, co-written by MerlosTheMad, reviewed by totallynotabrony, and jerked off to by RainbowBob.

This is not clopfiction.

Warning: This story contains stripping (duh) and mild drug references. We do not endorse the use of hallucinogens, but we do find it hilarious.

Published 2013-07-30 21:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-07-30 21:30:01 UTC

Chapter One

My Little Stripper: Dancing is MagicChapter One

The parting of the velvet curtain was accompanied by more than just the unwelcomed blinding from the overhead lights and the foul odor of cigarettes, sweat, and crusty man-jam.  No, it brought something else with it.  Soul-crushing fear, an unhealthy sense of failure, and a feeling of unbridled nervousness one would associate with riding a great white shark.

Despite these feelings, the dancer soldiered on, sashaying her way onto the stage in the sexiest way she possibly can, eliciting a few low whistles from the audience.  It’s a good thing she wore make-up, or else her blush would've been painfully visible.

She was new to the stripping scene, barely having practiced for an hour before striding toward the center pole and rubbing herself against it.  The woman wasn’t exactly sure if it was the proper pole-grinding technique, but from the cheers of the men around her, it was apparently good enough.

The Guns and Roses tune in the background began to get a little louder as the spotlight thankfully removed itself from her body, much to her relief.  She glanced back at the velvet curtain to see it part for the second time, revealing her “stripping partner” as she was called.

A round of gasps sounded around the stage, followed by an uneasy silence around the 70’s rock music.  Above everything else, the sound of hooves clopping on wood accompanied a scantily dressed, beige pony, trotting up next to her.  Both girls continued their half-planned routine; the woman dancing around a pole, while the mare got just a little bit too close to the audience members.

It could have been a trick with the lighting, but the dancer was absolutely sure she could see the faint outline of men aggressively chugging shots at a surprisingly quick pace.

The silence was finally broken when out of the corner of her eye, the girl spied another figure in the crowd, one smaller and equine who began to hoot and holler.  He nudged the men around him, eventually acquiring their cheers to join his own.  Before the woman knew it, the club was alive again: perhaps even more so than before.

The two performers finished their dances and were rewarded to see various amounts of dollars and bits laying around the stage.  The girls smiled at each other for a split second, surrounding by the flashing lights and glow of the club.

The crowd cheered them on, cementing the performance as a success.

One Year Ago

Cheyenne usually roused from her sleepy stupor with little more than a half-hearted grunt and a ritualistic morning stretch to set her stiff body at ease.  However, this morning she found herself in a perpetual state of bliss, the euphoric feeling of which gave her an energy that made her want nothing more than to seize the day and shake it down for everything it had.  The girl smiled and slowly peeled open her eyes.  Today is going to be a good day.

Sitting in an upright position, Cheyenne’s brown eyes beamed brightly at the bright orange wall paper that gave her room its characteristically grotesque feeling.  Something about the pop of the raunchy color helped her wake up in the morning when her alarm clock failed her.  Though, this morning she needed neither.  She was wide awake and out of bed before she so much as cringed at the potent tangerine paint that screamed out in agony,kill me, I am a victim of my own ugliness!

With a spring in her step, Cheyenne bounded into the bathroom to continue her morning ritual in a slightly happier state of mind than usual.  An assortment of feminine products dotted the area around the sink.  Eye liner, blush, tweezers, lipstick, about five bottles of hairspray, and a few more personal sanitary products lay scattered in an unorganized heap, waiting to be trifled with as usual.

A gorgeous young woman stared back from the mirror, hair a curly black mess, skin a light mocha mix, and eyes two brilliant coffee pearls.  Cheyenne smiled at her, showing off her perfectly straight rows of ivories.

“Hey there, beautiful,” she said while giving her reflection a thumbs up.  “Why is it I always run into you here?”  She pulled open the top drawer of her sink and took out a pink toothbrush and a tube of dentist approved, Crest Pro-Health toothpaste.  “Ah, I see you’ve purchased the higher quality stuff this time, ay?  Can never keep those whites too pearly?”  She interrupted her conversation by stuffing her mouth with two globules of minty paste on a finely threaded brush.

Cheyenne finished her cleaning and spat the remaining foam back into the sink, greedily drinking water from the faucet to chase away the foul minty tang that grappled her tongue.  “Well,” she said to reflection.  “I’ll see you tonight, I guess.  Don’t wander off, ya hear?”

        Strolling back into her bedroom, she found the nice set of clothes that she had laid out the night before.  She slipped into a pair of tight fitting jeans and a cardigan that her mother had given her for her birthday last year.  It was one of the nicest tops she had, and it was almost exclusively reserved for special days.  And this day definitely qualified as ‘special’.

Apartment 53-C in the Jefferson Tower was an unbelievable find for a girl straight out of college.  It had a perfect view, almost a non-existent commute to her office, and not to mention the most quiet neighbors Cheyenne had ever seen.  Well, seen isn’t the correct word given that if it weren’t for the fact that other cars were parked outside, she wouldn’t even believe there were other people living in the tower.  The rent wasn’t exactly cheap, but she had a decent job and it wasn’t like she would spend much otherwise.  Well, other than on Alejandro, of course.

Gliding through her tiny kitchen, she grabbed a fresh yellow banana off of the marble countertop, and snatched up her favorite Prada purse that she had left laying on the leather sofa.  With a slam of the door, the 22-year-old departed from her home, descending five flights of stairs to the ground level of her apartment complex, and passing through the crisply clean lobby that greeted her first thing every morning.  Before exiting the building, she took a minute to play with the fancy revolving door like she usually did, and bounced into the parking lot towards her true love.

“Hello Alejandro!”  She shouted.  “I know it might be a little inappropriate for me to say, but you look very handsome today.  If you go around town like that, you’ll have the ladies swooning for you to give them rides!  No, no I’m serious.  You don’t look a mile over 5,000!”  She gave the hood of her garnet,1986 Jeep CJ8 a gentle rub and threw her purse over the roofless top.  “Oh and I must say, I love the whole bare bones look you got going on.  Taking off the doors?  Phew, gutsy move there, pal.”

Cheyenne vaulted into her seat, barely making the high jump due to the six inch lift kit she had put in last month.  She breathed in a breath of fresh air.  “Ahh, can you smell that Alejandro?”  No one responded.  “That’s the smell of a 5% pay raise and my yearly bonus.”  With a flip of her key, the jeep engine roared into life. Music to my ears.

Cheyenne was about to throw the vehicle into first gear, when she noticed the small silver eyesore parked right next to her maroon beauty.  A dented, dirty looking Prius occupied the space to her left.  She couldn’t help but laugh.  Her family and the people at her job had all made the decision to switch to more fuel efficient, energy saving models like the “car” that had gotten a little too close to Alejandro.

Cheyenne shook her head.  Why won’t anyone listen?  The environment is perfectly fine, and a little extra greenhouse gas never hurt anything.  Trust me, I’m a meteorologist... I mean, I guess it wouldn’t be so bad to have that car. Then again, who wants to drive around with two vaginas, right? She patted herself on the back for that joke.

A soft chuckle later and Cheyenne was out of the parking lot and into the road.  The traffic was nonexistent and a pleasant breeze rolled through her long black curls.  The radio buzzed with a familiar tune, eliciting a sharp gasp from Cheyenne.  Oh yeah!

A few short minutes of top-of-her-lungs screaming through a heavily populated area, and Cheyenne found herself parking in her usual space under the tall oak tree near her office building.  She hopped out and faced the Jeep as she slowly backed away.  “Goodbye, Alejandro!” she shouted, blowing him a kiss in a dramatic fashion.  “Will you wait for me, my love?”

The Jeep replied with his usual chirp as a mechanism in the car locked the glove box and armed the car alarm.  “Attaboy.”

Cheyenne took off toward the building, practically shaking with anticipation.  She stopped in front of the door and let out a deep breath. Just cool it, girl.  Say calm and you can celebrate afterward with a big slice of chocolate cake.Taking in a deep breath, she pushed open the large glass doors and strolled into the Channel 9 News Station.

“Hello, Cheyenne.  How are you doing today?”  The old, white haired lady behind the desk called out and beamed a loose jowled smile.

Just like the familiar paint in her room, Cheyenne usually found herself cringing at the prehistoric ghoul that greeted her every morning.  She hated being stared at by those beady little eyes while she waited for every elevator.  The rancid stench ofold permeated heavily throughout the air.  It’s no wonder kids never come here on a field trip.  They could catch Alzheimer's from her.The worst part was, she knew exactly why the old lady was employed there.  To discourage loitering.

Cheyenne smiled back and gave a tiny wave.  She decided not to wait for an elevator this time around, thinking that the breath she was holding wouldn’t last that long.  She gave the senile, near death employee a final wave goodbye and rushed through the stairwell doors.  Her mouth let loose a rapid exhale of carbon dioxide, sucking in the fresh oxygen that wasn’t tainted with the overbearing scent of denture cleaner and BENGAY.  Ugh... I have to take the back door next time.She climbed the steps up to the second floor and stopped at the next flight.  Cheyenne thought for a moment.  Eh, I’ll take the elevator.

The young meteorologist pushed open the stairwell door and found herself betwixt an office of cubicles.  Most of them were empty, but a few were occupied.  She followed the wall a few steps until she found the second floor door to the elevator, and pressed the call button.A few moments later and she was rewarded with the gratifying chime of opening doors.

The metal parted, revealing the only other rider on the elevator.  He stood at about four feet tall, had amber hair, two very large ears, and...hooves.  Oh my gosh, Cheyenne thought. She made eye contact with the light blue coated pony stallion.  It was the first time she had ever been so close to a pony, having only seen them on T.V. when their kind first arrived.

They awkwardly stared for a moment before the pony finally raised a hoof and awkwardly asked a question.

“Miss?  Um... are you going to get on, or...”  He raised his eyebrows in confusion.

Cheyenne broke out of her trance.  “Oh yeah, silly me, hehe.”  She stepped on and moved to the right of the stallion, observing him stealthily.  On his sides rested two, likewise light blue feathered wings that curled against his coat.  “Um, fifth floor please.”  She muttered.

The pony nodded merrily and aimed his hoof carefully at the fifth button on the list.  He gently tapped it.

Cheyenne sighed under her breath as she watched half the list of floors highlight once he removed his hoof. Great... “Uhh, sorry.  I didn’t mean to...stare.”

He looked at his hoof and raised it to Cheyenne. “Oh, it’s perfectly alright.  I get it all the time.”

“Ahaheh...” Cheyenne laughed nervously, as if what he’d said were funny, and rubbed the back of her head. Wow... it is really awkward in here...  she glanced back at the stallion. Maybe I should say something... She pointed to the tiny speaker on the ceiling that continued to play a soft version of some Kenny G song.  “So, uh, how do you like our music?”

The stallion glanced at the ceiling, following where she point. “Oh, well I’ve only just arrived so I haven’t had the time to hear much. Some of it is good, though.” Another silence followed, both beings shuffling on the feet and hooves respectively.

The stallion loosened up a little and turned back forward, once again staring at the set of metal doors.  The elevator climbed a few feet, but halted its progress at the next level.  The doors opened and both riders stood in silence while they waited for the doors to close again.

Cheyenne cleared her throat.  “So, what brings you to the T.V. station?” she asked, breaking the silence.  The pony jumped a little at the sudden sound of her voice in the small space, but quickly recovered and made eye contact.

“Oh, um.  I was called here a week ago for an interview.  They put an ad in Cloudsdale’s local newspaper calling for pegasi.”  This time it was Cheyenne’s turn to raise an eyebrow.

“Pegasi?”  Before she could inquire any further, the pony unfurled his wings slightly, showing off a few rows of finely preened feathers.  Cheyenne watched in awe.  “So you’re going to help predict the weather somehow?”  Her mind began to wander to the strange ways she would work with a winged pony in the future.  For some reason, a strange image of ponies buzzing around an office entered her head.

The stallion raised hoof up to his chin.  “Well, sort of predict, I guess.  Really, we’ll be working to-”  The elevator chimed and the doors parted to reveal the fifth floor offices.

“Sorry, this is my stop.”  Cheyenne stepped out of the tiny room.  “We’ll have to talk later, once you get settled in.”

“Sure thing,” the pony said before the doors closed and the lift began to climb.

Wow, who would have ever thought I would be working with a bunch of flying, talking ponies.  Cheyenne shook her head.  Hopefully, I won’t have to do too much work to help the newbies out.She took a right and walked straight into her small corner office.  Flipping on the lights, she  was greeted with the familiar sight of her very own personal workspace.  It wasn’t as much as the bigwigs of the station had, but it was something that she earned nonetheless.  And that was enough to make her happy.

Cheyenne walked over and slung her tiny leather purse onto the small sofa by the window.  She reclined back in her La-Z-Boy chair, and put her feet up on the desk. Yup, this is gonna be a good day.

After she pressed its center button, Cheyenne’s desktop powered up and displayed a password requisition.  She entered: password in the box, and she was greeted by the familiar set of tiles.  She grimaced. I hate Windows 9... why did they ever have to change from Windows 8?

Cheyenne disregarded the thought and quickly went to check her email.  She sighed. No new messages...  She leaned back in her chair and glanced around the room. The cleaning crew has been doing a terrible job lately, she thought. It’s like they haven’t been in here all weekend.  She surveyed the random heaps of work she had neglected, and a few miscellaneous food items that were left over from Friday..

A flash of pink caught the meteorologist’s eye as she surveyed her desk.  Stretching from a seated position, she grabbed the envelope and turned to the cover.  That’s strange, I never get real mail... especially not in a pink envelope.  She thought for a moment as to who might have sent her the strange parcel.  Hmm, Mary could be throwing a party... but she’s never invited me to anything before.

Cheyenne shrugged and began to tear into the letter.  Her eyes strafed as she began to read the lines of text.  Her heart almost stopped.

Notice of Termination of Employment

Cheyenne’s eyes tore through the rest of the pink slip, reading line after line of bureaucratic malarky.  After a moment of pause, she bolted out of her office and sprinted through the empty cubicle stations.   Seymour Hudson, her thick moustached boss, sat quietly at his desk, writing something down on a small notepad.  The silence in his office, however, was interrupted by the booming of his door slamming against the wall.  He looked up to see a fuming black girl.

“Hey!  What is this about?”  Cheyenne shoved the crumpled up pink envelope into the pale man’s face.

He read the cover and looked back at her.  “Well, I could be mistaken, but it looks as though you’ve been fired.”  He handed her back the letter to which she immediately crumpled up and threw back at him.  It hit him in the chest, but he didn’t so much as bat an eyelash.

“Fired!?  Why on earth would you fireme?  What did I do?”  Her eyebrows were raised in an expression of disbelief.

Almost as if he didn’t care, her boss began to jot a few things on his notepad while he answered her half-heartedly.  “You didn’t do anything; in fact, you’ve been nothing but a model employee.”  He paused for a moment and looked back up at her.   “Well, besides the fact that you’ve never participated in any of the office team-building activities.”

“Then why the hell did you fire me!?”  The uncertainty in her voice jumped to anger.

He shook his head.  “Oh, it’s not what you did; it’s what you can’t do. And believe me it wasn’t my decision. This came down from the top of the food chain, Cheyenne.”

Cheyenne held her hands up in defence, a pleading voice taking over.  “If this is an efficiency problem, sir, I swear to God I’ll stop taking so many water breaks.  I’ll stop using the bathroom so much, and-and I’ll even cut my lunch in half!”

“Ms. Probst, I don’t think you’re getting the picture,” he said while ceasing his extra activity.  “We’re letting you go because your job is obsolete.”

“Obsolete?”  She asked incredulously.  “Since when is predicting the weather with million-dollar satellites, obsolete?”

He gave her a thin-lipped smile.  “Since we can make the weather instead.”

Cheyenne stopped her tirade for a moment, and then burst into a fit of laughter.  “What are you going on about?  That’s impossible!  What do you have, some sort of weather control device?”  She let out an even coarser laugh at the ridiculous notion.

He smiled again.  “Well, I don’t think they’d appreciate being called machines, but yes, you could say that.”

Cheyenne ceased her cackling and stared blankly at her former boss.  “What in the hell are you talking about?”

“I think they’re just getting here right now, actually.”  Mr. Hudson pointed out of his office’s glass window at the small group of equines mingling in the middle of the cubicles.  They all looked to be having a fun time as they chatted with each other.

“Ponies...  You’re replacing me with apony?  What is this, a joke?  How is a pony going to forecast the weather days in advance?”  Cheyenne couldn’t believe what was happening.

“They don’t need to.  All they’ll have to do is use their magical flying pony powers to go make rainbows or whatever shit the company president pulls out of his wrinkly old ass.  This means more moolah than you and I would ever see in a lifetime... well, more likely you, but that aside, the company has practically got a weather monopoly as long as we don’t break any rules made by government regulators.”  He seemed to soften a bit and dipped his eyebrows in sympathy.  “If it makes you feel any better, it’s not just you.  Everyone is getting replaced.”

Cheyenne held up an accusatory finger; the shrill sound of her voice snapping like a mamba.  “Hey, you can’t just up and fire everybody at the station all of the sudden!  There are rules about unfair employment practices and... contracts and stuff.”

Her boss tilted his head and raised an eyebrow.  “Actually, you just made all of that up. We can do that... and we did.  Withholding myself, the head news anchor, and Susan, of course.  This is the United States; we can do whatever we want with our employees as long as we pay them minimum wage.  You must be thinking of Canada.”

“The weathercaster girl?  Really?”  Cheyenne asked incredulously.

Mr. Hudson brought his fist down on the desk with a loud bang!  “Hey, she provides a valuable service to this station!”

“She points at a green screen and has sex with you... not really anything special,” Cheyenne deadpanned.

“Well, as of a few days ago, that nothing special just became a whole lot more valuable than the meteorology degree you hang so proudly in that filthy mess you call an office.”  He beamed a smile at her which made Cheyenne grimace.

“What the hell am I supposed to do?!  I can’t just move to a different station!”  Thoughts of having to leave her apartment and her home tore through her head.

All Mr. Hudson did was chuckle again.  “I don’t give a flying shit where you’re going, but good luck with the other networks.  Odds are, they’ll be switching to pegasus power within the week.”  He finished his statement with a smug grin.

“You... You!  You pompous ass!” Cheyenne blanched, hands quivering in balled up fists at her side.

“Hey, it’s nothing personal... well, actually it is a little personal.  I don’t know if you know this, but you’re kind of the office bitch.  And not in a good way, either.”  His smug smile looked like it was just begging to get punched back into his head.

Cheyenne was practically fuming.  If it were possible, steam would have been shooting outwards from her ears because she was so mad.  Her voice quickly began to do its best imitation of Kurt Cobain. “You know what?  You can’t fire me, because I QUIT!”  She jabbed one hand in the man’s face, then threw the other up in the air and stormed out.

Mr. Hudson piped up after her.  “Well, actually you can’t quit because you’ve already been terminated as an employee at...”  he looked down at his watch.  “Twenty minutes ago.”

Cheyenne halted her steps at the door and turned back around to face her boss.  “Well... FUCK YOU THEN!”  She held up both her middle fingers and danced them around in the air.  Mr. Hudson hardly budged an inch.  She blew a raspberry and slammed the door shut behind her, enough to rattle the windows.

Cheyenne suddenly became aware of the ten sets of dinner plate sized equine eyes staring up at her.  The faces displayed a gamut of expressions; from bewildered to the slightest bit afraid.  She shuffled around awkwardly for a bit before facing the throng of winged equines.  “I, um... didn’t get a raise...”  She didn’t say anything else as she quickly darted to her left and into her tiny office.   She felt herself losing control over her eyes as she broke down into tears.

What a shitty birthday...

Almost One Year Later

Cheyenne’s eyes slowly opened to the listless grey wall that stared back at her with the least amount of enthusiasm possible for a blank wall.  Just like its three brothers, it shared a surprising enthusiasm for one thing.  Being dull.

The out of work girl let out a depressed sigh, rolling back over and staring at the clone of the exact same boring wall on the other side of her.

Every morning was like this, and if it weren’t for the looming threat of eviction hanging over her head, Cheyenne would most likely just sleep the day away in her stony grey box.  It was the only reason she had to roll out of her bed and begin another aimless day of sitting around her dainty living room, watching the smallest tube television she could ever hope to find.

Her mind flashed to last year’s birthday celebration; the event that preceded many months of failed job interviews, abstaining from all alcohol besides Pabst Blue Ribbon, and eating ramen noodles.  All of which, she loathed.  No matter what she chalked it up to: any preconceived notions that her employer was out to get her, the fact that she was constantly late to fill out weekly memos to her weather team, or the fact that her boss hated her; she could never shake that strife she felt every time she heard the clopping of hooves on concrete.  And since that noise was one that refused to mollify, but instead grew more frequent over the past year, it was one she regarded with spite.

Stupid talking ponies.  It’s all their fault.

Cheyenne tossed the heavy blanket off of her sweating body, a result of the loss of her utilities last week.  Sitting upright, she oriented herself to the ground and drummed up enough courage to rise out of her flat mattress and once again begin her day, despite its promise of tedium and mundane rituals she had unfortunately become accustomed to.

Snatching up a pair of unwashed jeans and a plain white t-shirt, Cheyenne stumbled into the tiny bathroom with stained wallpaper, and the unpleasant scent of what smelled like something died in the toilet.  In her usual motion, she slid over to the half opened window and opened it the remaining way.  Thank god.

The weather reports had said there was supposed to be clear last night, but Cheyenne was happy to see a little more rainfall than predicted.  Which meant more water to take care of a few sanitary issues.

Taking the pail of water from its hook outside of the window, the former meteorologist stood at attention in front of the tiny cracked mirror over a yellowed porcelain sink.  She grabbed an equally faded looking brush off of the corner of the sink and dipped it into a small bag labeled: Baking Powder.  Her face grimaced at the bag.  Well, at least my teeth are clean.  With that, she plunged the toothbrush into her mouth and scrubbed her teeth vigorously, cringing at the taste of her cheap methods.  She finished, spat into the sink, and guzzled a bit of the rain water to rinse the rest out.

Fully clothed and ready to tackle the day for everything it had, Cheyenne plopped onto the dirty couch and lazily flipped the TV to the basic channels. The free channels still somehow worked on the beat up thing.  After a few minutes of ‘buffer time’, as she liked to think of it, the television’s distorted 13-inch screen fuzzed with a familiar image of a large green map.  A skinny white woman stood off to the side, motioning to the map as she prattled on about the weather.

“Ugh, I can’t believe she still has a job,” Cheyenne said to no one.  “Who do you think you are anyway?”  She pointed at the tiny woman on the television whose breasts may have been showing just a little too much.  “You think you’re all that and a can of beans, don’t you?”

“... and as you can see, we’re going to be getting a little cooler temperatures as the scheduled storm front moves in...”

Cheyenne squinted her eyes angrily and tugged on a handful of her own hair. “Oh, fantastic.  Now the half-blind people will be able to see your cold-weather detecting nipples.  That’s just great.  Good for you.” The words seethed their way out of her, caustically attacking the image of the woman that had preserved her own paycheck.

“... but don’t let that put a damper on your day because, after all, you can expect bright, clear skies all next week...”

“Man, I would have slept with my boss a long time ago if I knew it would save my job.” Groaning, Cheyenne leaned her head back and pressed a defeated palm to her forehead.

“... and as long as you remember to bundle up, you can avoid one of those nasty colds.”

“Oh shut up, skank!” Cheyenne threw the same hand out, directing it angrily at the TV.  “You know what!?  I’m glad I didn’t sink to your level!  I bet you gave him one look at the treasure chest and he was just putty in your hands!  It’ll be a cold day in hell when I show my body to get ahead in life.” She harshly flipped the channel with the remote, still peeved at her formercolleague.  “Some people have class!”

Suddenly, a ringing replaced the sound of tv snow as Cheyenne’s phone began to go off.  It caught her off guard to say the least.  There were very few people with the number besides her father, who was off somewhere in the middle east, and the fifty establishments she had applied to for a job.  She desperately hoped it was one of them, and one of the nicer prospective jobs, too.

Cheyenne carefully pressed the green button on her tracfone, and held it to her ear.  “Hello?” She asked tentatively.

The voice that answered her was sweet sounding, but a little boyish. “Hi!  Is this Chain?” It asked cheerfully.

Cheyenne’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion.  “Do you mean Cheyenne?” she asked back incredulously.

“Oh, haha, whoops, my mistake.  But yes, I’m trying to reach Shy-Anne.”  It was in fact a feminine voice on the line, and she sounded quite young to Cheyenne, but that may have just been the incredibly cheery attitude the stranger seemed to have.  She decided to just chalk up the peppiness of the girl to too much coffee.

Cheyenne flipped the phone to her other ear, standing up and pacing throughout the tiny room.  “This is she!  Um, what do you need? I mean, how can I help you?”  Please be a job, please be a job.

“Oh, I was just calling about the apartment!  I saw a flier on a light post in the street, and I took a number.  It said to call it if I needed to rent out an apartment room. Which, haha, I do.”  The casual yet happy demeanor of the phone-stranger set an unsettling feeling in Cheyenne’s stomach.

Still, everything they had said was true.  With the looming threat of eviction hanging over her head, Cheyenne finally gave in and advertised a spot for a roommate.  She hadn’t even considered it after moving into the place months back, given that it was so small. So far, only three people had replied to her request; two of them being 40-year-old men, and the third being some woman with an eye patch and more cats than she could count.  Needless to say, she thought she would never find a good roommate willing to live in... this.

“Umm, hello?”  The voice resonated in its boy-ish tone.  It was clearly feminine, even so she kept picturing a guy. It did have a certain distinct quality that reminded Cheyenne of a young boy on the verge of puberty.

Cheyenne’s thoughts snapped back to the call.  “Oh, sorry, sorry.  I, uhh, yeah.  So you’re interested in moving in?”

“Definitely!  I’ve only been in town a few days, but all the other apartments I’ve looked at are just way too expensive, or far away.  This town is... well, I don’t have a..a car.  Anyway, with rent like this, how could I possibly resist?” The voice laughed a little jokingly, and sounded as if they had expected to be joined in the act.

Cheyenne grunted instead and looked at the shambles that she referred to as her home nowadays.  Mold festooned most of the walls, stains rotted the carpet, and most appetizingly of all, the mouse holes in the corner seemed to have gifted the apartment a few new presents...  Suddenly, she felt guilty at the prospect of putting someone else through the same thing she was going through.

“Err, I’m not so sure that it’s a good idea...”  Cheyenne replied quietly, reacting to a deep measure of guilt. The line went silent for a few moments.

A sad stricken voice travelled through the device.  “You mean you’ve already found a roommate then?”

“Well, no not exactly.  But I don’t think I should-”

The girl on the line cut her off. “Oh please, Shy-Anne!  I’ve looked everywhere for an apartment, and I just can’t find one anywhere I can afford!  I- Once I get my first paycheck I can move out, it’ll just be for a month! You’ve gotta give me a chance...”

“I- I don’t know...” Cheyenne frowned, a worried look invading her expression.

“Please!” The voice begged.

“Listen, I-”

“Pleeeeeaaassee!”

“Ugh... fine, you can come take a look at the apartment and see for yourself.  Just come by when you get the chance.  You know where it is, right?”

“Yes!  I’ll be over in a few minutes, and thanks for this!  I promise I’ll be the best roommate you’ve ever had!”  With that, the line went dead, and Cheyenne was left standing in the grey shadow of her apartment, the only light coming from the cracks of the drawn shades.

“You’ll be the only roommate I ever had...”  Cheyenne sighed as she threw the phone back onto the couch.  You won’t be so excited once you get a load of this dump, that’s for sure.  Despite her attitude towards the situation, she was adamant about making the best out of the situation.  After all, it was the least she could do just to clean up a little bit.

The pony stared at the apartment building outside and double checked the address, glancing down at the notepad she held in her hoof.

“Wow...” The mare looked back up at the rotting shingles, decrepit front steps, and lilted siding, completing her double take. “I...guess this is the place.” A concerned frown creased her expression while she trotted up and down the sidewalk to get a better look at the place. Looking at other buildings surrounding it, the multi-story building seemed to be one of the only ones in such a state, too. As strange as it was to her, that seemed to be the way of things with humans; repair and upkeep were very on and off, and how well it was done varied.

Oh well, now isn’t exactly the time you can be picky about places... Her gaze tore regrettably from the building across the street, that looked a fair bit nicer. You can’t stay in a hotel any longer, or your money is going to run out long before you can get a job. Uggh, I should have listened to mother... The frown deepened into a scowl as she realized that thought was almost an admittance of defeat. No! No way, I’m going home famous one way or another!

Stamping a hoof, the pony clattered her way up the rotting, old stairs, wincing as she waltzed up to what she dearly hoped was an apartment that looked nicer on the inside, than the out.

Without a broom, it was difficult for Cheyenne to clean the dirt and trash off of the floor, but she made due with an old ratty t-shirt she never wore anymore.  She cleaned up a few miscellaneous items around the apartment, and did away with a few gifts generously donated by the resident mouse.  Or actually, most likely the resident rat considering the size of the droppings.  Cheyenne shivered.

After a few minutes of stuffing pieces of trash into the sofa, throwing anything out of place underneath her bed, and even taking the time to put on the nicest t-shirt she owned, the apartment finally looked inhabitable.  Cheyenne brightened a bit. Hey, at least now you can see where the mold is growing so you don’t accidentally touch it.

Suddenly, a loud banging rapt on the door.  Cheyenne took one last look in a hand mirror she had laying around before walking five feet from her bedroom to the front door.  Alright, Cheyenne.  Just be nice; maybe she’ll be a really nice person who wants to buy groceries that aren’t ramen noodles.  With a quick dust off, Cheyenne slapped an over-the-top smile onto her face and unbolted the many locks decorating the door.  A rusty creaking joined in the cavalcade as the door swung open, allowing the fluorescent light of the outside hallway to flood into the room.

Cheyenne blinked.  She couldn’t see anybody.

“Hello?” a voice called out into the room, bringing Cheyenne’s attention slightly lower than she was expecting.

Ah crap, I knew it was too good to be true.  Before her stood a beige pony with a rosey pink mane, standing roughly three-and-a-half feet tall and sporting a huge set of round, green eyes.  They were almost as bright as the mammoth smile attacking Cheyenne with an unwelcome sense of congeniality that would put Miss America to shame.  “Um, hi.  Can I help you?”  Oh please don’t be here for the apartment.  Anything but that.  In fact, please be here to evict me...

“Yep!  Are you Shy-Anne?” The pony held out a hoof, as if to shake with it. When nothing else came of the gesture, she continued in an expectant tone. “...Weee talked on the phone a few minutes ago?  I’m here for the apartment?”

Of course you are.  She thought.  The pony mare wagged her tail behind herself excitedly, as Cheyenne thought a dog might.  Despite her sudden discomfort, she soldiered on in the best way she could: by deciding to completely bull shit her way through the encounter.

“Ah huh...?” Cheyenne began by feigning any knowledge of what the mare was talking about. Unfortunately, she apparently took this as a sign to continue on with introductions.

“I’m Dandy!”  Dandy the pony trumpeted with an enthusiastic tone, her hoof still held in the air between them both.

Cheyenne blinked in confusion, raising an eyebrow.  “I’m...fine too?” She questioned.

“Haha, no,” Dandy deadpanned back at the human.  “My name is Dandy.  As in Dandy Sweets.” She began wagging her hoof a little, thinking that maybe the human didn’t see it.

Why god, why do you do this to me?  What did I do to piss you off?  Was it the pizza I stole from that family the other week?  I’m sorry, okay?  I was hungry, and those kids looked fat enough to hibernate all winter if they had to.

“Ahem...  Are you alright?”  Cheyenne snapped out of her reverie and returned to the faux smile she had employed on the mare shortly before.

“Oh, sorry.  I uhh... why don’t you come in?”  Cheyenne opened the rest of the door, and the sand colored pony trotted in, carrying a small saddlebag over her back.  After it became clear to her that there was very limited space to move around, Dandy stopped a foot away from the couch, avoiding a spot of greenish mold on the shag carpet.

Both girls stood still for a moment, neither breaking the tense silence that seemed to coalesce out of nowhere.  Eventually, the earth pony mare piped up.  “So... this is nice.”  Dandy put on a fake smile, trying her best not to upset the very friendly human that was nice enough to offer her...home to her.

Cheyenne piped up.  “Yeah, well.  It’s not much, but it is home, regrettably.”  She pointed behind her.  “There’s a bedroom back there, and a bathroom right next to it.  I’m afraid there’s no running water, though.”

The pony’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion.  “No water?  Uhm, is the whole building like that?”

“Only if the other tenants don’t pay their utility bills.” Laughing at her own joke, Cheyenne put a hand on her hip and leaned absently to one side.  “To be honest it’s been awhile since I had a pay day, so I’ve had to scrunch together what I have just to pay the rent.  No job and all...but I’m fixing that. It’s why I’m taking in someone to share it with, actually.”  Her gaze returned to the mare who seemed to be a little distracted by the small holes in cut into the bottom of the wall.  She smiled.  “Oh, those are just the rat holes.  We’ve had a huge problem with them in the building recently, and I’m not sure how to go about getting rid of them.”

The pony seemed to become much more uncomfortable than Cheyenne had felt a few minutes before. Perfect, hehe.  “And I wouldn’t worry about the mold.  As far as I can tell, it’s perfectly safe so long as you don’t touch it.”  She added in, trying to dissuade the prospective tenant.

Dandy checked underneath her hooves, only to be relieved that she was standing on one of the few clean spaces on the carpet.  Or, at least it looked clean anyway.

Cheyenne sighed and leaned against the wall, careful not to lean so hard it caved in. “Anyway, that’s about everything, besides the rent-” She hesitated for a moment. It’s about two hundred dollars a month if we split it between the two of us. Her stance shifted slightly, before saying, “Which is, oh, four hundred dollars.”

Dandy’s mouth hung open.  “Four-hundred dollars huh? Heh, you know in Equestria, a hundred bits could buy you the nicest apartment in town...for a while. It sounds crazy hearing anypony say it like that.”

Cheyenne wasn’t sure if she wanted to smile in relief or not at hearing the horse’s opinion on the money matters.  Right, crazy, coming from the thing saying ‘anypony’. Well anyway, goodbye small talking horse, it was nice meeting you.  “That’s too bad I’m sorry to hear that, thanks for coming by, and I’m sorry that we couldn’t work things out.”  She began to smoothly usher the pony out by taking a step closer to the door.

Dandy didn’t budge an inch, looking up at Cheyenne with an expression of incredulity and surprise.

“Wait, hold on-”

Cheyenne gritted her teeth and ceased opening the door.

“I was just kidding. Our exchange rate is kind of...odd, heh.” Dandy rubbed a hoof behind her head sheepishly. “I actually think I’ll take you up on the offer, I can swing that, easy. It’s still the cheapest thing I’ve encountered so far that’s even in town...”

Cheyenne’s mouth jaw hit the ground.  “You will? I mean, you can? I mean...”

Dandy looked around a bit, and then returned her gaze to the mocha skinned human.  “Yeah, it’s not all that bad.  You’ve been living here, so it has to be safe.  We...get a lot of warnings from our liason about that. Plus my job is only a short walk away and the rent, while I still think it is unrealistically high, is still dirt cheap compared to everywhere else I’ve been.” She sat on the carpet then, raising her head up to fix Cheyenne with a smile.  “And on top of all that, you’ve just been so nice to me, I can’t possibly resist having a roommate like you!  Can you believe that you’re the first person to let me in the apartment without asking me if I had fleas?”

“Hehe, I wanted to make a good first impression?”  Oh god, please don’t let this happen.

“So it’s a deal then!  When can I move in?”  Dandy the pony tilted her head and smiled coyly.

Never!  “Whenever you want, I guess.”  Noooo!  I meant never!  Damnit! In her head, Cheyenne was kicking herself in the butt repeatedly.

“There was only one bedroom I noticed...was there a plan for that?” Dandy turned her head around to face the open bedroom door, then began inspecting some more of the surroundings. “I could fix this...” Her hoof poked some rotten plaster.

Cheyenne’s smile never faltered as she screamed on the inside at her own error in decision.  Out of all the roommates in the world, she just had to get saddled up with a talking pony.  If she had the choice, she would probably have begged the crazy cat lady with an eyepatch to come back.  The only thought going through her head was: God, I hope she doesn’t have fleas...

Dandy continued on, smiling friendlily all the while, her short tousled mane waving back and forth as she looked around and up at the pictures on the walls. “Well, we’ll get to the thing about the bedroom. I can come by later with the rest of my stuff, too.  By the way, if you don’t mind, can I just leave my saddlebags here?  I need to stop by Gustave’s for my first day on the job! That’s where I’m working, by the way.”

Cheyenne nodded.  “Uh, yeah, sure thing.  I’ll be here, I guess.”

“Oooh right, because you don’t have a job.” The pony, Dandy, nodded her head up and down slowly while watching Cheyenne, making the momentary silence palpable. “Whelp, I’m off! See you soon!” With a cheery tone and a jostling of her mane she turned and left.

“Hey! Wait-” The door shut with a clatter of metal, Cheyenne standing where she’d been left. Did she just- Did I just get told off by a pony? She let out the breath she’d been holding. “...That bitch.”