Crashing is never really a possibility in my eyes. I mean yeah, I crash alot, but when I’m flying it doesn’t cross my mind until I’m suddenly barreling straight into the ground headfirst. And that sucks, because nothing hurts as much as crashing.
Trust me, nopony tells you about it, but crashing hurts. It hurts a lot. The pain from hitting the ground is bad, but nothing can compare to when you’re skidding across the ground. The feeling of your flesh rubbing against the dirt, the burn of your skin ripping, and the sharp pains of small pebbles embedding themselves in your side. Believe me, it’s twice as painful as it sounds.
And I know how much it hurts to crash, because currently I’m sprawled on a patch of grass that feels wet. And I doubt it’s from the morning dew. With a wince, I pull myself up off the ground. Every single joint in my body aches, and just standing up feels like I’m back doing pushups in the Wonderbolts Academy.
But what hurts the most is my right cheek. It stings like Tartarus, which makes sense considering I was skidding across the ground at twenty miles per hour on it. Sometimes I feel like that if this is the pain that makes you a Wonderbolt, it’s not worth it. I never let those thoughts dwell in my mind though. I’ve wanted to be a Wolderbolt all my life, and no amount of pain would change that.
I crank my head around to see if anypony saw me crash. The worst part about crashing is having other ponies see you fall. Know that you’re not as good as they would think. Laugh like all the others have before them. Because to them, it never matters how stunning my tricks are or how fast I fly. All they ever care about is when I mess up.
I guess that’s really the worst pain that comes with crashing. My bruises heal, my broken bones are fixed in the hospital, but the impression I leave when I crash will never heal. I thought it would back in the weather factory up in Cloudsdale, but apparently they were just saving up their insults for the ten years I didn’t see them. Insulting me apparently is a fun thing to do.
The field is completely devoid of life, save for some birds flying overhead. I wonder what ponies would think of one of the birds if it dive-bombed straight into the ground. They would probably would think it was pretty stupid as well. Nopony would talk about how the birds flew overhead in formation, they would all talk about the one bird that made a fool of itself. Except maybe my friends.
They always seem to be there when someone is hurting. We’re like a huge family, if families fought all the time and went on crazy adventures. Maybe some other ones do. How should I know? It’s not like I have any family to-
I shake the thoughts out of my head and dive into my usual happy place. Flying over thousands in the Cloudessium, showing off my stunts to the crowd. I can hear their cheering below, and all it does is motivate me to fly faster. I make a quick turn and fire downwards, a mach cone appearing around me. I blink away the tears forming in the corners of my eye, and with final burst of speed, a Sonic Rainboom explodes around me. Their cheering is louder than ever now, and I can hear them shouting my name in perfect unison.
I smile. I know that’s going to be my future someday soon. Soon, nopony will laugh at me. I’ll be admired. Loved. I’ll be surrounded by ponies who care and I’ll never have to be alone again. I hate being alone. I never want to have to go through that stage again.
I consider that week the lowest I’ve ever stooped in my life. Yes, I did worse when I was under the influence of Discord, but that wasn’t me thinking. The events of that week were all my choices, and I’ve never been closer to being alone. Ever.
I hear hoofteps behind me and a familiar southern drawl calling out to me. “Rainbow? Rainbow what in the hay happened here?” I snap out of my train of thought immediately.
I turn around to face my orange-coated friend, who gasps at me. It takes me a few seconds to realize that Applejack had noticed the fact that my cheek probably looks like it’s been torn up by a dragon. “Rainbow, what happened to yah? Are you hurt?” My brain freezes for a second. I need to come up with an excuse, and fast.
“Uhh… Manticore! A big Manticore attacked me, but don’t worry AJ, I fought it off. And no, I’m not hurt. It’s just a scratch.” I put on my best confident grin I have, which is pretty natural for me. AJ is one of my closest friends, but I can’t let her know that I crashed. I have a reputation to uphold, even around my friends.
Applejack raises an eyebrow at me, obviously skeptical. She’s always good at seeing through lies like that. “Err, Dash. Yah do realize that the Everfree is on the other side of town, right?”
My smile changes from cocky too nervous in a split second. “It is? I mean, yeah! It is! But this Manticore was, uhh… Sneaking around! He needed to eat, so he decided to hunt around here!” I spread my wings and shoot into the air, but a sharp pain surges through my right wing and I plummet face-first into the ground, filling my mouth with dirt. M
“Rainbow!’ AJ gallops over to me. “Are yah ok?”
I spit the dirt out of my mouth. “I-I’m fine AJ” I assure her while getting back up. Like that’s fooling anypony.
“Rainbow, I know for sure that you didn’t fight off a Manticore. So why don’t yah tell me why in tarnation yah ain’t telling me what happened?” I tense up, realizing that I can’t make an excuse for this. She knows that a Manticore can’t just damage a wing like mine without cutting it. That would need brute force, not claws or a stinger.
A shiver overtakes me. I feel like I was just drenched in icy water straight from the Crystal Empire. I know it’s crazy, but I feel like jolting up and just darting off right at that moment. I don’t want any of them to know of my shortcomings. I have a reputation to uphold. Without it, how many other ponies would want to be around me? It would just be a matter of days until I’m alone again.
“AJ, I… I crashed.” I admit, as I droop my head down in defeat. “I thought I could actually barrel roll into a Buccaneer Blaze. I spiraled out of control and slammed into the ground.”
“Well, then yah should probably go to the hospital. If your wing hurts that much, you probably need to-“ She begins.
I don’t let her finish. “No AJ, you don’t get it. I crashed.” I try to empathize the last sentence.
“Ah already know that you crashed. Yah told me already. And it looks like yer wing is broken. Yah really should head over to the hospital.” She obviously doesn’t understand. Well then again, how could she? I don't really go around parading the fact that I crash
“No, you don’t understand. I…” I don’t know how to explain it, or if I even should. I don’t even say anything for a few agonizing seconds. “I crashed. I’m Equestria’s Greatest flier, and I crashed while trying a simple move. How can I be a Wonderbolt when I make such amateur mistakes?” I can feel my stomach twist as the words leave my mouth.
Applejack puts her hoof on my shoulder. “Rainbow, listen to me. You’re the best darn flyer Ah’ve ever seen. And Ah was there when yah pulled off the Sonic Rainboom. If anypony deserves a spot on the Wonderbolts, it’s you.” I raise my head a bit. If there’s one pony who I can always trust, it’s AJ.
But I’m afraid. No, not afraid. Rainbow Dash doesn’t get scared. I’m… nervous. Yeah, nervous, that’s it. I’m many things, but a coward isn’t one of them. I’ve faced countless monsters, done three Sonic Rainbooms, saved my friend's lives on multiple occasions, and even fought against the godess of eternal night. Twice. So then why does crashing scare me?
You know, when I tell myself that I’m not afraid, it wouldn’t hurt for my brain to agree with me every once and awhile. I stare into the fields, watching the bees collect pollen and return to their hives. I’m sure if Twilight or Fluttershy were here, I’d be on the receiving end of a long-winded lecture about bee migration habits.
“Equestria to Rainbow. Equestria to Rainbow.” I look over at AJ, who has a hint of concern in her voice. “Are yah going to get that busted wing of yours looked at any time soon?” I remember the burst of pain I felt when I tried to fly a few minutes ago.
“Yeah… Heh, that’s probably a good idea.” I smile at my friend, who grins right back. But before she gets the chance to trot off, I stop her with my forearm. “But if anypony asks, this cut on my cheek was just from me saving your life in a ravenous hydra attack.” AJ just rolls her eyes. It was worth a shot.
“Really Dash, how long are you going to hide this from the others?” I never really considered her bringing that up until now.
“Preferably, forever.” I try to brush the question aside. This really isn’t a conversation I want to have right now. But of course, AJ is as stubborn as that old plow her brother drags around.
“Rainbow. Why do yah do this to yourself?” Of everything I was expecting AJ to respond with, this wasn’t one of them.
“W-w-what do you mean AJ?” The question knocks me off guard like a punch in the gut.
“Rainbow, yah may be one of the toughest ponies around but I know when you’re hurtin’. I don’t see the flame in yer eyes right now.” She slides in front of me and stares me down. It’s not intimidating, but it does convince me that I can’t get out of this without having a conversation with her.
“Usually you wouldn’t hesitate to answer me. Wouldn’t worry about my questions. You’d either have a rapid-fire excuse or the blunt truth. You’re dancing around my questions now, Dash. What else is going on here!? Why are you afraid!?” I don’t think my usual excuses will work here.
“I’m… I’m not afrai-“ I’m silenced by AJ raising her hoof to my mouth.
“Dash. Please. Tell me the truth.” AJ sounds like she was both demanding and pleading at the same time. I close my eyes and take a deep breath.
“You remember Mare Do Well, don’t you?” I ask AJ, repulsed by the very memory. She doesn’t seem to like remembering it much either.
“Yes, Ah do.” There is a twinge of guilt in AJ’s voice. “Rainbow, Ah know what we did there wasn’t the best thing tah do.”
“No, it’s not about you guys.” I blurt. The last thing I would want is for AJ to blame herself for this. “It’s about me. I made a fool of myself there, and ponies noticed. All the fans I had before left to go and worship Mare Do Well. I was all alone.” I close my eyes. I always hate talking about that week. “And if I make a fool out of myself again, it will be like flight camp all over again. Nopony will like me. I’ll be alone, AJ.”
I always hate myself for what happened that week.
“Dash.”
I regret everything I did then.
“Dash.”
I hate being alone.
“DASH!” Applejack yells into my ear, derailing my train of thought once again. I jump a few feet into the air and shriek, which oddly doesn’t even stifle a chuckle from AJ. When I land, AJ wraps her hooves around my neck, and embraces me in a hug. “Rainbow, yah can never be alone. No matter how many times you crash, you will never be alone.”
I don’t understand. “AJ, what do you mean? Of course I’ll be alone! Ponies want to be friends with Rainbow Dash, the awesomest pony in Equestria! Not Rainbow Dash, the pony who crashes into the ground all the time!”
AJ steps back and smiles. “Not everypony. Not me, or Twi, or Fluttershy, or Rares, or Pinkie. We’re not friends with Rainbow Dash, the ‘awesomest pony in Equestria’ or ‘the pony who crashes into the ground all the time’. We’re friends with Rainbow Dash, the pony who’s all of the above mixed into one.” I feel all of the sadness inside of me burn away, being quickly replaced with joy. For the first time today since I took off flying, I really feel happy.
“You really mean it, AJ? You really don’t care that I crashed and embarrassed myself!?” A huge grin spreads across my face.
AJ chuckles. “Of course, Rainbow! Why should I? The only thing I care about is that you get that wing of yours fixed up.”
I suddenly realize that my wing is insanely sore, even if it isn’t moving. “Oh! Yeah! I guess we should get going now, the faster we get there the faster I will be flying around again.” Before she gets the chance to respond, I start to trot off.
She gallops up next to me, and we talk all the way back to town. About the scenery, what tricks I’m planning to show off, the weather schedule, how awesome the new Daring Do book’s ending is, and how long it’s going to be until cider season. Well, mostly I talk, and she responds before I move on to a different topic.
When we arrive in town, I hear somepony galloping up to me. “Rainbow! Rainbow, are you hurt?!” Twilight is freaking out in front of me. Jeez, do I really look that bad??
“No Twilight, I’m fine. I just crashed.”
FIN
