Pinkie's Trio of Tales for Tots

by Metool Bard

Rating: everyone
Tags: Diamond Dogs, Comedy, Random, Pinkie Pie, Cake Twins, Discord, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Pie Sisters
Length: 8170

Only Pinkie Pie and Discord would combine brainstorming with bedtime stories.

One of the flaws of the Fourth Wall Theater Troupe is that one of its founding members, Discord, doesn't keep a schedule (he's the Master of Chaos; why would he?). As such, it's very possible for him to drop in for a brainstorming session at the most inappropriate of times. Like when Pinkie Pie is supposed to be foal-sitting Pound and Pumpkin, for instance.

But perhaps it is possible to eat two cakes with one spork. After all, inspiration can strike when you least expect it, and it's almost time for the twins to go to bed, anyway. Yeah, I think you can see where this is going.

If you're not familiar with the Fourth Wall Theater Troupe, it is recommended that you check out their debut performance, which can be found in the prequel tag above.

Published 2013-07-29 19:20:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-08-02 13:39:56 UTC

Decisions, Decisions...

"Pound, stop *akpth* fidgeting! You're not making this go any *yeep* faster!"

Although Pinkie Pie recognized the responsibilities of being a babysitter, it didn't make the job any easier. If anything, Pound and Pumpkin Cake started coming up with new ways to make her life difficult. At the moment, she was giving the two a bath, and Pound was not all that happy about it.

"Pound, I Pinkie Promise that I won't get soap in your eyes," said Pinkie, struggling with the cup of water and shampoo she held in her hooves while Pound tried to knock them away. "Now just hold still and let me do this."

Her request fell on deaf ears as Pound continued to cry and fidget.

"Look, Pumpkin doesn't mind," said Pinkie. "Here, watch."

With that, she lathered up Pumpkin's coat with suds and dumped the cup of water over her head. All the while, Pumpkin didn't even make a sound.

"There. You see? It's not so bad," said Pinkie sweetly. "Now let me do you."

Pound paused for a moment and looked over at his twin sister. He then splashed his hooves into the water and stopped resisting.

"There you go," said Pinkie as she proceeded to wash Pound. Just as she Pinkie Promised, she took great care not to get any soap in his eyes. And with that, bath time was over.

"There we are. All squeaky clean," said Pinkie as she dried the foals off. "Doesn't that feel better?"

The twins giggled and cooed. As soon as they were dry, they darted off to go play.

"Whoa, hang on!" Pinkie called out. "I still need to put on your diapers!"

She was about to chase after them when the doorbell rang. Pinkie tilted her head.

"Huh. That can't be Mr. and Mrs. Cake. They weren't going to be home until late," she mused.

The doorbell rang again.

"Well, only one way to find out, I guess," said Pinkie, trotting past the foals. "Gummy, take over."

Pinkie's pet alligator simply blinked in response to his master's command.

"What do you mean 'What am I supposed to do?' Just, play with them for a bit," said Pinkie.

Gummy blinked.

"No, we can't switch jobs," said Pinkie, rolling her eyes. "Seriously, they aren't that bad."

Gummy blinked.

"Okay, so Pumpkin accidently turned you purple for a week that one time. It's just a baby unicorn thing. She can't help it."

Gummy blinked.

"Yes, I know you hate playing Alligator Tamer with Pound. Deal with it. I have to answer the door."

The doorbell rang once again.

"Yes, I'm coming!" Pinkie called out. "Look, Gummy. It'll just take a minute, so just watch the twins while I take care of this, okay? Okay."

Without waiting for an acknowledgment, Pinkie trotted over to the front door.

"One of these days, that alligator needs to learn a thing or two about how to be responsible," she muttered to herself as she opened the door. When she did so, she became perplexed. Standing before her was an odd-looking creature that was an all-too-familiar mismatch of several different animals.

"Discord?" she said.

"The one and only," said the draconequus with a grin. He then snapped his fingers, and summoned a pizza box. "Did somepony order a large pizza with all the trimmings?"

Pinkie blinked. "Um, no."

"Well, that's alright. There's nothing in the box, anyway," said Discord. He opened the box to demonstrate his point, but found that there was a large pumpkin pie inside. "Except for that, which completely ruined my joke. And yet, it's still funny."

Pinkie stifled a laugh. "I-I actually wasn't expecting you."

"Well of course not, Pinkie Pie," said Discord. "Nopony expects Discord, the Master of Chaos! My chief weapon is chaos, chaos and... Actually, that's about it."

Pinkie forced down the urge to laugh again. "Wh-what are you doing here, Discord?"

"Just thought I'd drop by," said Discord as he began eating the pizza box while somehow leaving the pumpkin pie intact. "You see, I was wondering if you were interested in doing a bit of brainstorming."

"Brainstorming?"

"Yes. For the Fourth Wall Theater Troupe."

Pinkie's eyes went wide, and a large grin formed on her face. The Fourth Wall Theater Troupe was a pet project that she and Discord put together some time after his reformation. Discord would find random stories, and Pinkie would reinterpret them for a pony audience. It had been a while since their debut performance in Canterlot, and Pinkie was itching for another chance to get back into the director's saddle.

"Oh, I see. That sounds fun!" she said.

"I thought you would like it," said Discord with a grin as he turned the pumpkin pie into a pair of broken reading glasses. "Now then, I have plenty of great stories to choose from, and I'm sure at least ten of them would..."

"But, I'm afraid I have other plans."

Discord took off his glasses and gave Pinkie an odd look. "Other plans?"

"Yeah. Mr. and Mrs. Cake are out on an important errand in Trottingham, and I'm supposed to be watching the twins while they're gone," said Pinkie.

Discord smirked. "My my. Sounds quite interesting. You mind if I watch? Babies have a very unique brand of chaos that I particularly enjoy; mainly because they can get away with anything. Heh, lucky kids."

Pinkie sighed. "I dunno, Discord. Knowing you, you'd probably find some way to make this job more frustrating than it already is."

"Hmmhmmhmm. Guilty as charged," said Discord with a chuckle. "But honestly, Pinkie. I've been looking forward to this ever since our debut in Canterlot."

"I have too, but I've got some real responsibilities here," said Pinkie. "We'll just have to reschedule for another time."

Discord raised an eyebrow. "Reschedule," he parroted.

"Yeah, reschedule. I mean, I'm not great with keeping schedules myself, but I'll certainly make a note of this," said Pinkie with a shrug. "Why? Is there a problem?"

Discord drew in a sharp breath through his teeth. "Well, it's like this. Schedules imply order. I am the Master of Chaos. I don't feel like I need to draw you a picture here, but I'm going to anyway because I can."

With that, he summoned an easel and paintbrush and drew out a crude painting showing that Discord did not equal scheduling. Pinkie placed a hoof to her muzzle.

"Hmm. I see your point," she mused. "But that doesn't change the fact that tonight's not a good night for this. I have to watch Pound and Pumpkin."

"Well, how about a compromise?" suggested Discord. "I'll create another you, and one Pinkie will watch the twins while the other..."

Pinkie went as white as a sheet. "NO!" she shrieked, cutting across Discord. "Nononononono~! No clones! I don't want clones!"

"What do you have against clones?" inquired Discord.

"Tried it before. Didn't work," said Pinkie breathlessly.

Discord stared blankly at Pinkie Pie. "You, tried it before."

"Yes."

"You cloned yourself, which most likely caused all sorts of havoc across Equestria."

"It was just Ponyville, but yes."

"And you didn't invite me, why? I would've brought the chocolate rain and whipped cream."

Pinkie gave Discord a look. "One, you were still a statue at the time. Two, even if you weren't, the situation was bad enough without your help. I had to watch paint dry in order to keep myself from being banished to the Mirror Pond forever! Do you know how not fun that is?!"

"Speaking as a draconequus who had to stare at the same hedge ever since you and your friends stopped my return, yes," said Discord plainly.

Pinkie had no response to that. "Look, Discord. It's not that I don't want to brainstorm with you. I bet we can come up with some very fun ideas! It's just that Mr. and Mrs. Cake are counting on me to look after the twins, and..."

She trailed off as the wheels in her head began to turn. "Discord, what time is it?"

Discord looked at his wrist, where a watch had magically appeared. "I have half past eight. Why?"

Pinkie grinned from ear to ear. "In the immortal words of my friend Rarity: Idea~!"

When she quoted Rarity, her voice mysteriously changed to an uncanny copy of the unicorn fashionista. She clasped her hooves over her mouth in surprise while Discord chortled.

"Sorry, couldn't resist," he said between chuckles. "Besides, you set yourself up for that one."

Pinkie giggled a bit, still having Rarity's voice. "I-I guess it's a little funny," said she. "But seriously, could you change me back? I'm not Bon-Bon, y'know."

"Alright, alright," said Discord with a snap of his fingers. "Sheesh, it truly is a sad day when you of all ponies have to play the straight mare."

Pinkie ignored the comment and cleared her throat. "Anyway, I think I found a way do the brainstorming session tonight without neglecting my responsibilities."

"Oh, really?" said Discord.

"Yep. It'll be easy-peasy, hoof-in-the-breezy," said Pinkie. "So, you got those stories you mentioned?"

"Well, of course."

"Mind if I see 'em?"

Discord snapped his fingers, and a second later, Pinkie was buried under a pile of books of all shapes and sizes. She began digging her way out as she sifted through the books.

"Let's see. No. No. Oh, goodness no. Too complicated. Too simple. Eh, maybe when they're older," she said as she tossed aside book after book. Finally, she found one that she deemed to be just right. "Ah, perfect!"

"Perfect for what?" asked Discord.

"You'll see," said Pinkie with a grin. "Come on in, but try not to spook the twins, alright?"

"Very well," said Discord with a shrug.

***

Pinkie led Discord to the twins' room, where they were playing with Gummy. Discord quickly turned himself into a stuffed animal as Pinkie cleared her throat to get the foals' attention.

"Hey there, you two," she said. "All ready for bed?"

Pound and Pumpkin answered by running off and zipping around the room. Pinkie sighed and ran after them. After a bit of a chase which Discord watched with great interest, she caught the two of them and placed them in the crib.

"Okay, you two. I can take a hint," she said with a sly smile as she tucked the twins in. "How about I read you two some bedtime stories? Will you go to sleep for your friend Pinkie-Winkey then?"

The twins giggled and cooed in approval. The stuffed Discord seemed to roll his eyes.

"Hush, you," Pinkie hissed at Discord before turning back to the twins. "Now, I have three stories here that I know you're gonna love. I should know, 'cause I came up with them just now! So, without further ado, let's start our first story..."

The Three Pony Sisters Pie

Story I:
The Three Pony Sisters Pie

Once upon a time, there were three pony sisters named Pie, who lived together on a rock farm. Their full names were Marble Pie, Limestone Pie, and Pinkie Pie (that's me!). The three sisters loved each other very much, and did almost everything together. If it wasn't for the love they had for each other, life on the rock farm would've been very dull indeed. I mean, it already was kinda dull, but I'm talking super dull. Like Being Forced To Watch Paint Dry kinda dull. That was not the rock farm, thank goodness. And it's all thanks to my sisters!

Anywhoodle, although there wasn't a lot of fun to be had on the rock farm (there were only rocks there, and they're not much fun to play with), the sisters were allowed to go to a meadow to play after they had finished their chores. It was a fun meadow, with lots of dandelions to scatter in the wind and so much beautiful wildlife that Fluttershy would have a field day making all sorts of new friends! Unless it was like that time we all went to the Grand Galloping Gala and she didn't make any friends at all for some reason. Never understood that. Anyway, the point is the meadow was fun, and Pinkie Pie would throw a We Finished Our Chores So Let's Have Fun party there whenever she could. Marble and Limestone liked Pinkie's parties very much. Much more than their parents did, actually. Then again, my dad always said there was a time and a place for everything. He still liked the parties I put together for holidays and birthdays, after all.

Now, to get to the meadow, the Pie sisters had to go through an underground tunnel which was reserved for when there was a surface-rock shortage (it's a lot of complicated rock farm stuff, and I'm not the right pony to ask about it. Besides, it's boring). But one day, the tunnel was taken over by a ferocious Diamond Dog who snuck under all of our noses. Diamond Dogs are sneaky like that. Dad says they're common pests on rock farms, but I never saw one until my friend Rarity was ponynapped that one time (that wasn't fun). I guess it's because they spend all their time underground, and I don't go underground all that much. Ah well.

So on this fine day, Marble finished her chores early, and decided to go to the meadow. Through the tunnel she went; clip-clop, clip-clop, clip-clop went her hooves. But just when she was halfway through, the Diamond Dog leapt from the shadows!

"Who's that tiptoeing through my tunnel?!" the Diamond Dog barked.

Marble yelped and shivered. "I-it's me, the Marble Pony Sister Pie," she whimpered. She then tilted her head. "Wait, what?"

What what?

"'The Marble Pony Sister Pie?' Why would I call myself that?"

Well, that's how the name's presented here.

"Huh? Here where?"

Sorry, Marble. I dunno how to explain it. It's nothing to worry about, anyway.

"I-if you say so," said Marble, turning back to the Diamond Dog. "A-anyway, that's who I am."

"So, you're one of those rock-finding ponies," said the Diamond Dog with a gleam in his eye. "Maybe I should enslave you and make you hunt for pretty gems!"

"Wh-what?" Marble squeaked, shaking like a leaf. "I-I don't wanna do that!"

"Too bad!" the Diamond Dog snapped. "You're going to be my workhorse!"

"Oh, but then my family would get worried about me," said Marble. The very thought caused her eyes to water. "I love them very much, Mr. Diamond Dog. So please, don't enslave me. Don't you have a family?"

"I have a pack. Does that count?" asked the Diamond Dog.

Marble blinked. "You do? Then, where are the other Diamond Dogs?"

"I dunno. Hunting or something, I guess," said the Diamond Dog with a shrug. "Diamond Dogs hunt for gems, y'know."

"Why?" asked Marble.

"Because they're pretty," said the Diamond Dog.

"That's the only reason?"

"I, guess?"

"Well, that's dumb."

"Look, I wouldn't be a Diamond Dog if I didn't hunt for diamonds!"

"But you just said you weren't picky about what gems you hunt for. Wouldn't that make you a Gem Dog?"

"No, that wouldn't... I never said that... Why are you...? Rrough!"

The Diamond Dog let loose a roar of frustration before turning to Marble.

"You know what? Forget it," he growled. "Workhorses shouldn't cry or ask so many stupid questions. I'll just enslave one of your sisters. They're probably twice the workhorse you'll ever be."

"P-please don't," said Marble meekly. "They mean a lot to me, and I'd be devastated if anything ever happened to them."

"Yeah, I don't care," said the Diamond Dog gruffly (wow, what a meanie-pants, amiright?). "Just get out of my sight and go play in your stupid meadow."

"Th-thank you," said Marble with a bow. And with that, she meekly tiptoed out of the tunnel.

***

Later that afternoon, Limestone finished her chores. So, she decided to go join Marble in the meadow while Pinkie finished up and prepared for the We Finished Our Chores So Let's Have Fun party she would throw when she got to the meadow herself. Through the tunnel Limestone went; clippity-clop, clippity-clop, clippity-clop went her hooves. Just when she was halfway through, the Diamond Dog jumped out.

"Who's that trotting through my tunnel?!" the Diamond Dog barked.

"Oh, hello. Limestone Pie's the name," said Limestone, because the real Limestone would probably get really mad at me if I made her call herself "The Limestone Pony Sister Pie." Limestone then looked up at the ceiling. "Huh? Who said that?"

I did.

"Who are you and why do you sound like Pinkie?"

You silly-filly! I am Pinkie! Hi, Key Lime!

"Ugh, Pinkie~. You know I hate that nickname."

Why? I think it's cute. Nana Pinkie called you that all the time when you were little.

"Why do you think I hate it? And besides, aren't you supposed to be back at the house doing chores?"

Oh, I am. But at the same time, I'm narrating this story.

"What?"

It's kinda hard to explain. Just roll with it, 'kay?

"Alright, fine. Whatever. I should probably know better than to try and get a straight answer out of you, anyway," said Limestone, rolling her eyes. For the record, that comment was uncalled for, but I'll let it slide 'cause she's my sister and I know she doesn't really mean it.

"I've been waiting for you," said the Diamond Dog, leering at Limestone with hungry eyes. "I'm gonna enslave you and make you my workhorse!"

"Oh, you can't enslave me," said Limestone.

"And why not?" asked the Diamond Dog.

"It says so right here," said Limestone, pulling out a large scroll. When she unfurled it, it rolled out the length of the tunnel.

"What's that?" said the Diamond Dog.

"Oh this? This is a contract I signed with my parents when I started working on the rock farm," said Limestone. "If you violate it, they'll sue your vest off."

"That so?" said the Diamond Dog. "Well, where does it say I can't enslave you?"

"Hang on, let me find it," said Limestone, looking through the long document. "Hmm. Uh... Actually, I don't have time for this. You find it."

She then gave it to the Diamond Dog and pranced off. The Diamond Dog looked through the scroll, only to find that it was nothing but gibberish.

"Must be some kind of code," he mused, reading through the scroll. "Would've helped if she gave me some sort of guide or something. I wonder where..."

He trailed off when an idea struck him. "Wait a minute! Why do I care about what this stupid piece of paper says?!"

He then dropped the scroll and ran after Limestone. In an instant, he was in front of her and pressing his nose against hers.

"Say, are you trying to pull a fast one on me?!" he snarled.

Limestone smirked. "Well, uh, confidentially..." She then looked both ways and leaned in close, as if to tell the Diamond Dog a secret. "I just did. And you know what else?"

"What?"

"You have a very slappable face."

To demonstrate her point, she slapped the Diamond Dog a few times and ran off. The Diamond Dog roared in frustration.

"That tears it!" he bellowed. "I'm going to enslave your sister! She's three times the workhorse you'll ever be!"

"I wouldn't recommend that~," Limestone hollered back.

However, the Diamond Dog didn't give two figs about what Limestone recommended. That's because he didn't have two figs to give. If he did, maybe Limestone could've had a little snack on her way to the meadow. Silly Diamond Dog.

***

Finally, Pinkie Pie was done with her chores. And what better way to celebrate a job well done than to go play in the meadow with her sisters? I know I can't think of anything better! So off she went; boingy boingy boingy boingy boingy boingy went her hooves. She was so excited about playing with her sisters, that she laughed and giggled all the while.

"Who's that bouncing and giggling in my tunnel?!" the Diamond Dog roared as he sprang from the shadows.

"It is I, the Pinkie Pony Sister Pie!" Pinkie Pie proclaimed. And because she's me, she had no problem with saying that. I like being me. I can't picture myself being anypony else. Well, except maybe Chancellor Puddinghead, but you two will learn about that when you're older.

"Ah-ha! I've been waiting for you!" said the Diamond Dog. "I'm gonna make you my workhorse!"

"Hold that thought," said Pinkie Pie. She then reached behind her, pulled out her Party Cannon, and fired it right in front of the Diamond Dog. The Diamond Dog crashed through the ceiling and went flying up, up, up into the sky above!

"I tried to warn him," said Limestone with a shrug as Pinkie emerged from the tunnel. And with that, the Three Pony Sisters Pie had the best We Finished Our Chores So Let's Have Fun party ever! Or, at least until the next one.

Author's Note

If the Pie Sisters show up in the show/comics and Pinkie's nickname for Limestone is not Key Lime or something along those lines, I'm going to be very disappointed in Hasbro for not capitalizing on this puntastic opportunity. :trixieshiftleft:

The Diamond Dogs and the Iguana

When Pinkie had finished her first story, the twins shared a bit of a laugh and clapped their hooves, indicating that they wanted more.

"I knew you two would like that," said Pinkie with a smile. "Okay, time for Story Number Two. Hmm, let's see... Oh, I know! Let's do one about Gummy! How does that sound?"

Pound and Pumpkin cheered with approval while Discord simply snickered.

"Pinkie Pie, you're the only mare I know who can make rock farms and alligators that stare off into space interesting," he said half to himself.

"I'll have you know that Gummy is a great conversationalist, thankyouverymuch," Pinkie told Discord. "Now just hush up and listen."

She then turned back to the twins, who were too young to question Pinkie talking to a stuffed animal they never saw before. Pinkie cleared her throat.

"Anyway, this story is gonna be extra special, 'cause it involved your parents, too!" said she. "So, let's not waste anymore time and get right to it!"

Story II: The Diamond Dogs and the Iguana

Once, there was a party-rific pony named Pinkie Pie (that's me again!). She traveled the land with a special alligator named Gummy. He was special because he had no teeth. Well, that and I got him as a birthday present from Key Lime. That was a great birthday. It certainly ranks in my Top Five. Marble also got me a pet for that particular birthday; a pet rock named Rocky. I'll introduce Rocky to you two when you're older. I don't want him to get knocked over or chewed on.

Anyhow, Pinkie Pie and Gummy loved throwing parties. They went from town to town, making ponies smile wherever they went. That's my special talent, y'know. You two will have your own special talents when you grow up. Won't that be nifty? I wonder what they'll be. I sure hope it isn't pounding stuff and chewing on things. That would be awkward.

Now, I know I look super happy and hyper all the time, but even I have to eat and sleep. So does Gummy. Luckily, it was Hearth's Warming Eve, and everypony knows that's the day where we think about our fellow ponies. At least more than usual. Trust me, not a minute goes by when I'm not thinking about my friends, and it doesn't matter what day it is. You'll find that most ponies are like that. And that always puts a big smile on my face.

Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah! Pinkie Pie and Gummy were traveling in the snow on Hearth's Warming Eve. They eventually wound up in a quaint little town called Ponyville (where we are right now), and Pinkie smelled something sweet coming from one of the buildings. And you know what that building was? That's right! It was Sugarcube Corner!

So Pinkie Pie followed her nose and walked up to Sugarcube Corner. She knocked on the door, and who should answer it but your parents, Mr. and Mrs. Cake! However, neither of them seemed that happy.

"What's the matter?" asked Pinkie Pie. "It's Hearth's Warming Eve! Everypony should be happy on Hearth's Warming Eve!"

"That's not the case for us," said Mrs. Cake. "We have nothing to be happy about."

"Well, that's silly," said Pinkie. "Why don't you have anything to be happy about?"

Mr. Cake sighed. "Every Hearth's Warming Eve, my wife and I live in fear. A group of Diamond Dogs have made Sugarcube Corner their feasting place. They come here every Hearth's Warming Eve to eat us out of house and home."

"Well, that's not fair," said Pinkie Pie (and she was right. I should know, 'cause I'm her). "Those Diamond Dogs shouldn't hog all of your food. It should be enjoyed by everypony."

"I know, but what can we do?" said Mrs. Cake.

Pinkie thought and thought before coming up with an idea. "Ooh, I know!" she said. "Why don't you let me and Gummy spend the night here? I know this song about sharing that will surely win the Diamond Dogs over!"

"Well, I dunno," said Mr. Cake thoughtfully.

"C'mon, pweeeeeease~!" said Pinkie. "We don't take up much room, and I'll even help you bake."

"You, know about baking?" asked Mrs. Cake.

"Well, a little," said Pinkie Pie. "I've only worked with birthday cakes before, but I can learn how to make other stuff!"

Mr. Cake stroked his chin. "Well, we could use some extra hooves; especially after the Diamond Dogs raid the place," he mused. "What do you think, sugar plum?"

"I think she has a point, honey bunch," said Mrs. Cake. "I would like to actually enjoy this holiday for once."

"Me, too," said Mr. Cake. "Alright, it's settled. You and your pet can spend the night here."

"Yay!" cheered Pinkie. Gummy cheered, too. I know it looked like that he was just staring off into space, but trust me. Inside, he was jumping for joy. Just like I was!

So all afternoon and well into the evening, Mr. and Mrs. Cake baked their cakes along with Pinkie Pie. Pinkie was a good baker, but she still had a lot to learn. The Cakes, however, were good teachers. And all the while, Gummy looked on and smiled to himself.

Soon, it was nighttime. The day was fun, but it was time for everypony to get some sleep. Pinkie Pie took a quilt to a rocking chair by the fireplace (where it was warmest), Gummy curled up under the table, and Mr. and Mrs. Cake went to sleep in their beds.

Later that night, some ponies found it difficult to sleep. In the streets of Ponyville, sounds of howling and barks echoed throughout the town. Those sounds were accompanied by a loud pounding at the door to Sugarcube Corner. The Diamond Dogs had arrived.

"Mr. Cake! Mr. Cake!" said the leader of the Diamond Dogs. "We've come for our Hearth's Warming dinner! Open the door and let us in!"

Huh. There's an interesting question. Do Diamond Dogs celebrate Hearth's Warming? I don't think they're even part of the Hearth's Warming Eve story. Even if they were, they probably would've been frozen by the windigos because they only think about themselves. I also think the unicorns wouldn't like the Diamond Dogs at all, because Princess Platinum was only interested in gems. Now that I think about it, are gems a unicorn thing? I'm not so sure about that, because I know my sisters sometimes came across gems while working on the rock farm, and...

"Oh for goodness's sake! Get on with it!"

Alright, alright! Sheesh, you don't have to get snippy, Mr. Diamond Dog.

So to further prove that the Diamond Dogs were incredibly impatient, they didn't even wait for Mr. and Mrs. Cake to answer the door. They busted down the door and started eating everything in sight. Not only that, but they left a big mess. How big? Well, picture the biggest mess you two ever made, and then multiply that by a bazillion. That's how big. Jeeze, talk about rude. Rarity would throw a fit if she saw anypony acting like this.

So during the festivities, one of the Diamond Dogs saw Gummy sleeping under the table.

"Hey there!" he said. "I found an iguana! Nice iguana~!"

With that, he took a sharp stick with a marshmallow on one end and poked it into Gummy's snout. Now, there's something you should know about Gummy. He's usually a peaceful fellow, but one thing he doesn't like is when somepony shoves a marshmallow up his nose. He's not too keen on being called an iguana, either. So when this Diamond Dog did both, that really ticked Gummy off. That meanie-pants needed to be taught a lesson.

With a yawn, Gummy crawled out from under the table. He then grabbed the Diamond Dog in his jaws and threw him right out the door! How? I dunno, I was asleep at the time. But I know he did it!

And let me tell you: Never have you seen so many Diamond Dogs run out of a place in such a hurry. Diamond Dogs were running out the door (which they broke down); Diamond Dogs were jumping out the windows. One Diamond Dog even climbed up the chimney! But, he didn't realize that the fireplace was lit. Silly Diamond Dog.

The next day, the Cakes woke up to find a note saying that the Diamond Dogs would never drop in for Hearth's Warming dinner ever again. The letter also said something about a Diamond Dog-eating iguana that they were afraid of, but nopony knew what that was all about. Their best guess is that it had to do with Gummy, but he's not an iguana.

"Wow," said Mr. Cake. "What good fortune! The Diamond Dogs will never bother us again!"

"Oh, that's wonderful!" cheered Pinkie Pie. "Now you can enjoy Hearth's Warming Eve like everypony else!"

"We sure can, dearie," said Mrs. Cake with a smile. "Say, would you like to become our apprentice? We think you have a lot of potential, and your alligator friend could help drive the Diamond Dogs away if they ever come back."

"Well, I dunno about that last part. Gummy's not really a fighter," said Pinkie. "But you had me at 'apprentice,' so it doesn't matter! I happily accept!"

And that's how I met Mr. and Mrs. Cake!

Author's Note

If anyone is actually considering making this their headcanon as to how Pinkie Pie met Mr. and Mrs. Cake, I just wish to remind them that the pony telling this story also claims that the story of how she got her Cutie Mark is also how Equestria was made. :pinkiecrazy:

The Petrified Pastry

The Cake twins liked the second story just as much as the first, and they were eager for another one.

"Alright, you two. Settle down," said Pinkie with a giggle. "I promised you three stories, and three stories is what you're gonna get. After all, I never break my promises! But after that, it's time for you two to go to sleep, okay?"

Pound and Pumpkin nodded and grinned.

"Good," said Pinkie, turning to Discord. "And if you try to make them stay up past their bedtime, I'm gonna get Fluttershy in on this. Clear?"

"Oh, Pinkie. Would I do a thing like that?" asked Discord as a halo appeared above his head.

"Yes. Yes you would," said Pinkie sternly.

Discord sighed. "You know me too well, Pinkie Pie. Alright, fine. We're clear."

With that, he snapped his fingers, and both he and Pinkie turned transparent. The twins looked around, wondering where Pinkie had gone. Pinkie folded her forelegs and tapped her foot.

"Very funny, Discord," she said. "No seriously, it was. But there's a time and place for this kinda thing."

"Alright, don't get your tail in a bunch," said Discord. "Where's Pinkie Pie? Here she is!"

With another snap of his fingers, Pinkie reappeared. Thinking that Pinkie was just playing a game with them, the twins giggled and cheered. Pinkie had a bit of a chuckle herself.

"Okay, okay. Calm down and let me tell my story," she said. "This one's also about the rock farm. Don't worry, it's still a fun story. It wouldn't be like me to end on a dull note. Anywho, I call this one..."

Story III: The Petrified Pastry

Now, you two probably don't know this, but working on a rock farm is hard work. You have to break rocks, rotate rocks from field to field, tell the rocks stories so that they're happy (not exciting stories, either. I mean boring rock stories), and a lot of other stuff that's not all that fun. My dad always said that work isn't about fun, but I never understood that. I mean, what's the point of doing something if you don't enjoy doing it? Oh, right. Because you have to be responsible. Never mind.

Anyway, on this particular day (which was a Tuesday, by the way), it was time to rotate the rocks from the South Field to the West Field. So Dad sent Marble Pie to do the job.

Now, Marble's a good worker, but she doesn't like working alone. Unfortunately, everypony else had other things to do. Mom was reading to the rocks in the North Field, Dad was making dinner, and Pinkie (there I am again!) was bouncing ideas off of Limestone for the next We Finished Our Chores So Let's Have Fun party. Dad didn't like it when I planned for parties while I was supposed to be working, but I can't help it if rock farming is boring! I mean, I love my dad and all, but sometimes he needs to lighten up. Well, that's not fair. He does lighten up sometimes. But that's because I can always make him smile with my parties! Just as long as those parties are more substantial than my Marble Found A Pretty Rock party. Yeah, that was embarrassing.

Anyway, moving on. Marble walked out to the South Field all by her lonesome. She wanted to get the job over with as quickly as possible so that she could spend time with her family again. She nudged a rock one pace forward, when all of a sudden, a Diamond Dog came running up to her!

And boy oh boy, was this Diamond Dog nasty. He was a large fellow; larger even than most other Diamond Dogs. Not as large as a minotaur, though. But still pretty large! His fur was a dark midnight blue, and he stared down at Marble with nasty yellow eyes.

"Hey there!" he growled. "You move one rock in this field, and I'll break you into two pieces!"

Marble tilted her head. "Why? This isn't your rock farm."

"That's what you think, little pony! We Diamond Dogs have claimed this field for our own, and that means all the rock here are ours! So there!"

"Why?"

"Because, we claimed this territory. I just said that to you."

"Why?"

"Because you, asked."

"No, I mean why did you claim this territory?"

"Because we happened to find a lot of pretty gems here, that's why."

"Why?"

"I don't know, we just did!"

"Why?"

"What do you mean 'why?!'"

"What do you mean what do I mean?"

The Diamond Dog let loose a frustrated howl. "Shut up! Shut up and go away before I break you into three pieces!"

"Didn't you just say you'd break me into two pieces?" asked Marble. "Make up your mind."

"Go!"

"Alright, alright! I'm going! Goo-bye~!" Marble said indignantly. She then stuck her tongue out at the Diamond Dog and headed back home muttering to herself. "Sheesh, I was just asking a few simple questions. Why did he have to get mad at me?"

You got me, Marble. Maybe he just doesn't like you.

"What? But what did I ever do to him?"

Eh, I dunno. What matters is that the rock farm apparently has a Diamond Dog infestation. You'd better tell Mom and Dad.

"I was, just about to."

Oh. Cool. We are so in sync.

"Has anypony ever told you that you're weird, Pinkamena?"

More times than I can count, Marble.

***

"Diamond Dogs?" said Dad, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes, Father," said Marble. "They said they had claim to the whole South Field."

Dad snorted. "If we don't get them rocks to the West Field, then they won't form right," he said. "We have to get those Diamond Dogs off our land."

"I think I have an idea," said Limestone. "Let me go to the South Field. I'll fix that Diamond Dog's little red wagon."

"I didn't know the Diamond Dog had a little red wagon," said Pinkie. "Besides, are you sure that's enough to get him off the farm? I mean, it'd be a nice thing to do, but he probably could fix the wagon himself."

"There is no wagon, Pinkie," said Limestone, rolling her eyes. "It's a figure of speech."

"Ooooh~. I get it," said Pinkie (although she kinda didn't. I mean, I get it now, but I wouldn't have back then). "So, what's your big idea?"

"I'm gonna use this," said Limestone.

She then walked over to the cupboard, and took out a big piece of cheese. Pinkie blinked.

"You're gonna bribe him?" she asked. "I always thought cheese was bad for dogs. Are Diamond Dogs different?"

Limestone sighed. "I'll explain later, Pinkie. Right now, I'm off!"

"Okey-dokey-lokey, Key Lime! Good luck!" said Pinkie.

So off Limestone went, carrying the cheese in a satchel wrapped around her shoulder. She then found a good rock to roll, and...

"Actually, hang on a minute, Pinkie."

What's up, Key Lime?

"Didn't we do this before?"

Um, nnnnnnno.

"No, we did! This is the same plot as the first story!"

No, it isn't.

"Yes, it is! A Diamond Dog comes in and causes trouble, and Marble, you, and I get the better of him in increasingly comedic ways! It's the exact same story!"

You're being silly again, Key Lime. This story's way different.

"Oh yeah? How?"

You weren't carrying a piece of cheese last time, were you?

"Seriously?"

Well, that and Dad wasn't in the last one. And we're doing work, not going to the meadow. And...

"Okay, fine. I get the point. Just, promise me it doesn't end with the Party Cannon again."

I wasn't planning on it, Key Lime. After all, it's called "The Petrified Pastry" for a reason. Now let's get back to the story.

"Yeah, sure," said Limestone. She then walked over to a single rock. She barely rolled it two paces when the Diamond Dog came running up to her.

"Hey there!" he snarled. "You move one rock in this field, and I'll break you into four pieces!"

"You just try!" said Limestone, taking the cheese out of her satchel. "And if you do, I'll crush you into jelly just like I can squeeze the water out of this stone!"

The Diamond Dog laughed. "What kind of fool do you take me for?! Rocks don't have water in them! Every Diamond Dog knows that!"

"Really?" said Limestone. "Well, that's alright then. This is just a piece of cheese, anyway."

She then threw the cheese at the Diamond Dog and ran home as fast as her little legs could carry her.

***

"Yeah, so it turns out the Diamond Dogs know a thing or two about rocks. Go figure," said Limestone.

"I think it was a good idea, Key Lime," said Pinkie. "But, it needed something else."

"Like what?"

Pinkie then went over to the fridge and pulled out a slice of birthday cake.

"Wait, your leftover birthday cake?" asked Limestone. "But I thought you were saving that for dessert tonight."

"Oh, I wouldn't worry about it," Pinkie said with a wink.

"Um, if you don't mind me asking, Pinkamena. What are you planning to do?" asked Marble.

"You'll see~," said Pinkie. She then hopped on over to the South Field and got to work. She barely moved on rock three paces when the Diamond Dog came running out again.

"Hey there!" he roared. "You move one rock in this field, and I'll break you into five pieces!"

"Oh yeah?" said Pinkie, taking out the piece of cake. "Well, if you try to hurt me, I'm gonna eat you up; just like I can eat this petrified pastry (see? I told you there was a reason for the title, Key Lime)!"

With that, she took the cake in her hooves and gobbled it up in one gulp. The Diamond Dog's eyes went wide.

"Wait a minute, wait a minute!" he exclaimed, jumping up and down. "I don't wanna end up like that cake! Just spare me, and I'll let you move all the rocks you wish! I-I'll even break them into smaller pieces and haul them back to your house!"

"You will? Oh, that's great!" said Pinkie. "Let's get started right away!"

Sure enough, the Diamond Dog was as good as his word. To celebrate, Pinkie threw an I Outsmarted A Diamond Dog And Made Him Do All Our Work For Us party. The Diamond Dog would've been invited, but as soon as Pinkie offered him a piece of cake, he ran off like the dickens. Silly Diamond Dog.

And from that day forward, no Diamond Dogs ever bothered the Pie family's rock farm ever again. At least to my knowledge. Which I think is pretty good, since by now, they probably know better. Tee-hee~!

All in the Mind

When Pinkie had concluded her final story, she found that Pound and Pumpkin had fallen asleep. They each had a big smile on their face. Pinkie smiled as well.

"Aww~. I'm glad you two liked my stories," she whispered. She then kissed them both on the forehead. "Sleep tight, little friends. I'll see you in the morning, and we'll have even more fun then."

She then raised the crib wall and did a bit of tidying up before leaving the room. When she did so, Discord reappeared right in front of her with an amused grin on his face.

"Pinkie Pie, that was..."

"Shhh!" Pinkie hissed sternly. She then pointed to the crib, indicating that the twins were asleep.

"Alright, fine. Picky picky," Discord groused. He then twisted his ear a bit, and when he spoke again, his volume was much lower. "As I was saying, Pinkie Pie, that was brilliant! Did you come up with all of that yourself?"

"Sure did," said Pinkie, keeping her voice low. "I took the stories you gave me, added a pinch of real-life experience, and made it all fun!"

"Really now?" said Discord, raising an eyebrow. "Because I sensed some of my influence in there."

"How so?"

"Oh, I don't know. How about when you argued with the characters?"

"Oh, that? No, that was all me. I break the Fourth Wall all the time."

Discord stared blankly at Pinkie. "Refresh my memory, Pinkie Pie. Why didn't you accept me when Princess Celestia first decreed that I was to be reformed?"

"Because you didn't summon any whipped cream for the chocolate rain, remember?"

"Oh, right. I keep forgetting," said Discord. "Anyway, I managed to get all of your stories down on paper, so we have a good script for the next show."

Pinkie tilted her head. "What paper? You were disguised as a stuffed animal. You weren't taking notes."

"No, but you were. And by the way, I'm talking about this paper."

With that, he reached into Pinkie's ear and pulled out an entire script. Pinkie was surprised at first, but then stifled a giggle.

"Oh~. That paper," she said. "Silly me."

"Yes, quite," said Discord, looking over the script. "So, now that we have a script and some firm ideas, we should work on getting a venue and a cast. Do you think your sisters would be interested in this?"

Pinkie struck a thinking attitude. "Well, Key Lime might. But Marble has always been very shy. It'll take some convincing for her to take part. Same thing goes for my dad. He's really not an actor pony."

"I'm sure you'll be able to convince them with your usual charm," said Discord with a smirk. "In the meantime, I'll also help out with the casting. Rover Redvest owes me a couple of favors, anyway."

Pinkie blinked. "Wait, who's Rover Redvest?"

"You mean you don't know?"

"No, I don't. I can't say I've heard of anypony by that name."

"Oh, he's not a pony. He's a Diamond Dog. His pack lives in the mountains just north of the Everfree Forest."

After a pause, Pinkie managed to put two and two together. "Wait, he has a name?!" she exclaimed, still managing to keep her voice low.

"Of course he does. Did you think he didn't?" said Discord.

"Well, no," said Pinkie sheepishly. "It's just that he never said his name. Now that I think about it, that was kinda rude of him."

"Oh, Rover isn't known for his manners," said Discord. "Neither are his associates, Fido and Spot."

"Wait, one of them is named Spot?" said Pinkie. "But, none of the Diamond Dogs have spots."

"Believe me, my dear Pinkie Pie. You weren't the first to notice that," said Discord with a chuckle. "In fact, that's why Spot's my favorite of that trio. His name..."

"Doesn't make sense," said Pinkie, completing Discord's thought. "You're right, Discord. I do know you too well."

Discord snickered. "Perhaps so, but that's what makes the Fourth Wall Theater Troupe such a splendid concept," said he. "So, I'll recruit the Diamond Dogs and find us a venue while you recruit your family. Fair?"

"Yeah, that's fair," said Pinkie. "I'll get a letter out to the rock farm right away. When do you want to touch base?"

Discord shrugged. "I dunno. Whenever it suits me."

Pinkie sighed. "Discord, this isn't gonna run smoothly if you just show up whenever."

"Do I need to draw you that picture about how I don't keep a schedule again?"

"Oh, sorry. Forgot," said Pinkie. "Well, at least give me some warning next time, 'kay? We got lucky this time, but I don't think we can count on this situation solving itself again."

"Heh, no promises," said Discord. "After all, I wouldn't be the Master of Chaos if I gave advanced warning. Besides, you're a smart cookie. I'm sure you'll find some way to work around it."

Pinkie gave Discord a quizzical look. "Smart Cookie? No, you're thinking of Applejack. I played Chancellor Puddinghead in the Hearth's Warming Eve pageant, remember?"

Discord sniggered. "You truly wield the Element of Laughter well, Pinkie Pie."

"I know," said Pinkie with a grin. "So, I'll catch you later then?"

"Of course," said Discord with a bow. "I suppose while I'm in the neighborhood, I might as well pay Fluttershy a visit. Knowing her, she's probably fixing her chickens a midnight snack right about now. After that, perhaps some of the statues in the Canterlot Garden could use some exercise. And from there, who knows? Farewell, Pinkie Pie. I look forward to our next meeting, as well as our next performance."

With that, Discord snapped his fingers and disappeared in a flash of light. As soon as he left, the front door opened.

"Pinkie Pie! We're back!" Mr. Cake called out.

"Talk about good timing," Pinkie said to herself as she made her way downstair. "Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Cake!"

"How were the twins tonight?" asked Mrs. Cake.

"Oh, just fine," said Pinkie. "I told them a few bedtime stories, and they loved them!"

"Oh really?" said Mr. Cake. "What kind of stories?"

"Well, that is a bit of a long story in and of itself," said Pinkie. "Say, on a related note, you two know about the Fourth Wall Theater Troupe, right?"

"Well, sure," said Mrs. Cake. "What about it, dearie?"

"Well, I've been doing some brainstorming, and I think you two have a part in our next big production."

"We do?" inquired a surprised Mr. Cake. "What is this production, Pinkie?"

"Oh, it's very special," said Pinkie. "Something that's very close to my heart, actually. It's one part reinterpretation, one part real-life experience, and all parts fun! I call it...

"Pinkie's Trio of Tales for Tots."

That's all, folks!

Author's Note

Once again, I just wish to take this moment to say that if anyone else wishes to make a Fourth Wall Theater Troupe story, they're welcome to it. Just be sure to credit me for the original idea. :twilightsmile: