Drugs, Gimme Drugs, Gimme Drugs, I Don't Need it But I'll Sell What You Got, Take the Cash and I'll Keep it
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Drugs, Gimme Drugs, Gimme Drugs, I Don't Need it But I'll Sell What You Got, Take the Cash and I'll Keep it
“Alright, class,” Ms. Cheerliee told her students. It’s time for the only unicorn in class to attempt to do magic in front of the rest of you in a highly embarrassing display of failure!”
Sweetie Belle raised her hoof. Ms. Cheerilee turned to her and said “Yes, Sweetie, you may talk.”
“Who is the only unicorn in this class?” she asked innocently.
Ms. Cheerliee gave her a small, slightly surprised look. “Why, Apple Bloom of course!”
Sweetie Belle looked over at her earth pony friend, who was inserting crayons into her nose. I knew it!
“I’m just kidding, Sweetie Belle, that would be you. Unicorns are the ones with horns,” Cheerilee confessed. Sweetie Belle drooped slightly.
“Stupid head protrusion,” she mumbled as Ms. Cheerliee beckoned for her to walk in front of the class. Sweetie Belle hopped to her small white hooves, and sashayed her way to the front of the classroom to perform the task needed of her.
“Alright, Sweetie Belle, we’re going to need you to do a simple levitation spell,” Ms. Cheerilee told her student. Sweetie Belle sighed in relief. She had been practicing levitation on Opalescence! She was sure that any day now the cat would get unstuck from the ceiling.
“I’m going to need you to levitate this pencil,” her teacher said, and with a grunt, she lifted an anvil from beneath her desk and dropped it on the floor in front of Sweetie Belle.
“That’s not a pencil!” Sweetie Belle exclaimed with a trademark voice crack. “That’s an anvil!”
“Hey, who’s the one with the teaching license?” Ms. Cheerilee asked sternly.
“Um, Ms. Cheerilee?” a fat colt in the back of the room wearing a fez piped up. “Wasn’t your teaching license revoked for abusing students?”
Ms. Cheerilee blushed. “I did no such thing! The next time I hear you speak, that’s going to be twenty spankings with Mr. Cheeks!”
The plump colt squeaked, and Rumble leaned over, holding up a hoof. “Dude, score.”
“Anyway, continue, Sweetie Belle,” Cheerilee told her sweating student. Sweetie Belle stared at her evil, dense opponent before her. It stared back, unblinking, unthinking, and slowly sinking into the floor. Her legs shook, and her knees quivered. She had to do this.
Grunting and groaning, she summoned a spark of magic from deep within the bowels of her unicorn mind. Her horn began to hum, and slowly vibrate. She grit her teeth, and bit her tongue. Sparks of static electricity and stale magic shot up and down it, slowly causing it to heat up. The faintest of magical auras began to appear around the anvil as she struggled on forward.
“Um, Ms. Cheerilee?” Scootaloo asked. “I don’t think Sweetie’s doing too well.”
Ms. Cheerilee, who had been waxing Mr. Cheeks down with ACME brand paddle wax, looked up. “What? Oh, I suppose you’re right. Here, let me get the magical aid.”
Ms. Cheerilee opened up her drawer, and pulled out a tub of “Slappy Pete’s Magical Slather Grease”. Applying an ample amount to her hooves, she started to rub Sweetie Belle up and down vigorously and sensually, twisting her face into horrid grimaces as she lubed the filly up. Twist, overcome by strange feelings she had never felt before upon seeing this erotic sight, fainted.
“IT’S TIME, SWEETIE BELLE,” Ms. Cheerilee roared, her eyes throbbing and her veins popping. “USE THE FORCE THAT’S BUILT UP INSIDE YOU! RELEASE IT!”
Sweetie Belle’s eyes popped open as well. She felt as though there was a massive pressure being exerted on her upper abdomen and inside her skull. Her mouth fell open, a low moan escaping from her overstrained body as her teacher rubbed her down with the most likely fake magical grease.
With a final grimace, Sweetie Belle exploded into a torrent of purple and white powder. Slowly, the dust that was once an innocent young, greased up unicorn, settled to the floor in a pile. Everypony in the room stared on in awe.
However, one pony was not staring at this spectacle in a dumbfounded manor. Diamond Tiara, in fact, seemed very pleased by this turn of events. She had donned her hat and mustache, and was looking very fancy. Why, she had even put on her coke monocle!
“Yes, this is very fine grade Unicorn Powder,” Diamond Tiara said, observing the delicious pile of cocaine on the floor. “This will get me quit a heft stack of bits on the Canterlot Black Market!”
Cheerilee looked down at her student. “Diamond Tiara! Are you conspiring to sell an illegal drug, right in front of me?” Diamond Tiara looked at the ground, hints of shame upon her face.
Cheerilee bent down, and whispered to Diamond Tiara “Go halfsies with me and I won’t rat you out to the clops.”
Diamond Tiara nodded. The rest of the class was petrified at all that was happening. That fat colt had even peed himself a little bit. The only two functioning ponies suddenly froze up as they heard the arrival of their destruction.
Loud hip-hop beats, Lil’ Mayne blasting at full volume, the smell of weed and hookers... Diamond Tiara and Cheerilee stared at each other in horror as they realized what was happening.
“Zebras!” they both screamed in horror.
“They must have been attracted by the smell of the freshly made cocaine!” Cheerliee screamed.
“We gotta do something!” Diamon Tiara screeched frantically. “Let’s bolt out the back door and leave these suckers here as a distraction!”
“You do know we can hear you, right?” Scootaloo reminded her.
It was too late, though; the zebras had pulled up their tricked out car past Ponyville Elementary and were unloading their guns into the building. The wooden wall was torn to bits, and bullets rained on all of the poor ponies inside.
“No! Not my precious! Damn zigger’s ain’t gonna get my precious!” Cheerilee screamed, trying to gather the Sweetie Dust. She was shot thirty-seven times before she even hit the ground, her body falling in front of the desk that Scootaloo and Apple Bloom were using to shield themselves from the bullets with.
“We’re gonna die unless we do something quick, Apple Bloom!” Scootaloo yelled over the sound of constant gunfire.
“I think this crayon is touching my brain!” Apple Bloom lamented, pressing on her snout. Her leg convulsed wildly, kicking Twists’s desk away from her, allowing the bullets to riddle the poor jew pony’s body.
“We can deal with that oddly arousing scenario later, we need to rescue Sweetie Belle and get outta here!”
“She’s just a pile of powder now,” Apple Bloom reminded her friend.
“Yes, but she’s a pile of powder who’s our friend!” Scootaloo announced. “It’s gonna be tricky, but if I can dash out there and grab her, we can make a run for the back door!”
Scootaloo jumped out to grab Sweetie Belle, and was immediately peppered by the bullets that were shooting through the air. Apple Bloom looked at her dead friend for a moment, then slowly, dragged her desk as a shield behind her as the earth pony crept for the back door.
After a few more minutes, the gunfire stopped. Ponyville Elementary was now just a husk, and the lead Pimp Zebra stepped into said husk to retrieve his prize. Smiling, he scooped up the Sweetie Blow into his special Blow Sack. With that, he and his posse left.
Diamond Tiara lifted the bullet riddled body of Silver Spoon that she had used as a shield off of her body. She watched the zebras drive away, triumphant. She narrowed her eyes, wiped Silver Spoon’s phlegm from her forehead, and grit her teeth.
“You haven’t seen the last of me, punk.”
