The Plot Device
Twilight Sparkle was simply walking through Ponyville on a seemingly normal day.
The typical birds and insects went about their usual business, flying and buzzing rather quietly through the average sky. Not too sunny, not too grey. Twilight smiled glumly while walking at quite a moderate pace, as if not quite upset by the day, but not exactly happy about it either. It was just one of those days where nothing happened. Twilight sighed, hoping the extra air she exhaled would somehow make something inexplicable happen, but nothing did, as per usual. She sighed again. Maybe this time.
According to ponies in the know, there had been reports of several strange sightings going on for the last couple of days. All sorts of odd things had surfaced, such as the ground collapsing beneath several ponies. Fortunately, they had survived, but it had been something of an earth-shattering experience for them all. That was only one event among many; weird events had occurred all across Equestria. Not Ponyville, however, much to Twilight’s disappointment. With another sigh, her eyes wandered around the town.
Pinkie Pie was leaning on the wall of Sugarcube Corner, gazing up into the unchanging sky. Even she looked bored, and that was a rarity in itself. Twilight gasped. A rarity? On this day? “Pinkie!” Twilight cried, breaking the endless silence in Ponyville. She ran up to the unmoving pony, almost shivering with anticipation. “Hello, Pinkie! How's your day going?”
Pinkie merely remained in the same position, looking into the sky and not uttering a single word. “Pinkie?” Twilight tried again, waving a hoof in front of her face. A snore escaped the mare's lips. “Fantastic,” Twilight said, her eyebrows lowering as far as they could go. “Pinkie, you're the only mare I know who has their eyes open when she's asleep.” In response, Pinkie snored again.
It was probably best to cut her losses and move along. Silence returned to the dreary town of Ponyville. Twilight walked past Rarity's boutique, and then back to Sugarcube Corner. Much to her dissatisfaction, the way back was exactly the same as the way there. Pinkie Pie was still very much asleep, even though Twilight had only been gone for a couple of minutes. It was funny; she had never seen Pinkie sleep before, but it had to happen on the most boring day of days.
“H-help! Oh, Celestia, help me!” a familiar voice cried. Twilight looked up; the sound had come from above. She could see Rainbow Dash flying through the sky at an alarming speed. Beads of sweat were falling from her reddened face. Behind her, a menacing cloud followed her. Twilight gasped. On closer inspection, it looked like a normal cloud, but it was matching her speed. Dash was obviously having trouble staying ahead of it. Strange. Twilight grinned. It was strange.
“Dash! Come down here! I can...” Twilight stopped mid-sentence. A horrible thought entered her mind. Dash had always pranked her. It could all be a trick, lulling her into a false sense of security before she pounced on her with fits of laughter. Twilight shook her head. She didn’t want that again, not after last time. The thought made her shudder. As Dash soared through the air with her cries, she looked away, not even giving her the attention she desperately craved.
“Uh... h-hi!” said a voice from behind. Twilight turned to meet a familiar-looking earth pony. His mane, which was of the deepest of blues, was clean and well-trimmed. The colt's coat was pure white, and looked as tidy as his mane and tail. Obviously, he had quite a high opinion of his appearance, but Twilight wasn't one to judge. His eyes, though hidden behind a pair of fashionable spectacles, were the lightest hue of green she'd ever seen. That wasn't to say that she hadn't seen them before, however.
“Blue Streak?” Twilight asked. “Is it really you?”
He grinned. “You remember me!”
“Of course I do!” Twilight said, returning the smile. “How could I ever forget you?”
“Oh, I don't know,” he said. “Good to see you again, Twi!”
“You, too!” Twilight exclaimed. She looked him up and down. “Gosh, you've really grown up since college, haven't you?”
Blue Streak blushed. “I don't know about that either... but how are things with you? You look healthy. And, for once, not surrounded with books!”
“Well, I own a library now, so I'm still surrounded with words,” she said with a giggle.
He rolled his eyes. “I can't say I'm surprised. You always did love your books.”
“Always have and always will,” Twilight confirmed with a solemn nod. “That's enough about me, though. What brings you to Ponyville on this... rather normal day?”
“Well, uh, I'm not too sure,” Blue Streak said, scratching the back of his neck.
“Oh, come on.”
Blue Streak shrugged. “A little bird told me you were now living here, so I thought I'd pay you a visit. Just to catch up,” he added quickly.
“That's it?” Twilight said, raising an eyebrow.
The colt looked away. “Not exactly,” he admitted.
“Oh? Care to elaborate?” she asked, knowing the answer already.
“It's more than that, I think. In fact, I think you know that, too,” Blue Streak said, looking deep into her eyes.
Twilight returned the gaze, watching his green eyes focus on her own. “Is that so?”
He stroked her neck gently with a hoof, exactly as he had done in college. Twilight remembered those days. The good, ol' days, when stuff happened, and no one cared. She closed her eyes as Blue Streak caressed her neck, the memories flooding into her mind. All those nights they had shared. The mornings after. Twilight giggled, feeling exactly like the pony she had been many years ago. “I think it is,” he whispered softly into her ears, stroking her mane.
Blue Streak brought Twilight closer, nuzzling her neck with great affection. She could feel his warm breath on her fur, to which she gasped breathlessly. He planted small kisses down her neck, making her shiver with glee. As memory served, rather fondly at that, he always had been a great kisser. He pulled away, looking into her purple eyes once more, before diving back in with his mouth. Twilight was merely inches away, and she moved forward to meet his lips with her own—
“Holy mackerel!” Pinkie shouted from behind. Twilight jumped out of her fur. She pulled away from Blue Streak immediately, an angry frown on her face.
“Pinkie!” Twilight yelled. “What is it? Of course, you had to wake up at this precise moment! Why, if I didn't—”
“No, really!” Pinkie yelled. “Look! Mackerel!” She turned Twilight's head up to the sky.
“Pinkie! What are you—”
“Shush! Just look!”
She had to squint, but Pinkie was right. There were fish falling from the sky. At quite an alarming rate, too. In fact, they nearly blotted out the sun. “Dash did say it wasn't going to rain today,” Pinkie said. “It did seem quite... fishy.” She laughed heartily as Twilight's eyes went wide. Twilight could only glare at the giggling mare — words escaped her when it came to Pinkie.
“How can you stay calm when fish are falling from the sky, Pinkie?”
“Well,” Blue Streak mumbled, “the weather broadcasters are always wrong,”
Twilight turned to face him again, her mouth wide open. She was speechless. “Wha... What?” she asked, bemused.
“Good one!” Pinkie said.
“How are you not surprised, either?” Twilight cried. “Fish are raining from the sky, and I'm the only one gawking at them? Does this seem like a normal day to you? I don't know how it rains wherever you live, but it certainly doesn't usually rain fish here!” Silence fell upon the three. Blue Streak blushed furiously, but looked up into the sky in an attempt to hide his shame. Twilight followed his gaze to watch the fish slowly descend from the sky. She didn't know what to do.
“As you know, Twilight,” Pinkie said, breaking the silence, “there's a time and... plaice for everything.” Both Blue Streak and Pinkie giggled like little fillies. Twilight slapped a hoof to her face. In fact, the colt was laughing even harder than Pinkie, which made a change.
“I can't believe you two,” Twilight said through gritted teeth.
“Would you say that you've... haddock enough?” Blue Streak tried, much to Pinkie's satisfaction.
Twilight could only groan in despair. “Just stop.”
Pinkie put on an expression of mock horror. “Oh, look, Pinkie! Oh, my cod! I'm floundered! Fish are raining from the sky, and all you're doing is making puns. Stop having fun! Right now!”
Twilight rolled her eyes, tutting. “I do not sound like that.”
“Well, I don't know about you, Pinkie,” Blue Streak said, “but I'm hooked!”
“Grow up!” Twilight shouted “The pair of you! Just scale back on the fish puns, and let me think!” She was red in the face as she told them, thoroughly annoyed with their nonchalant attitudes. The pair of giggling idiots stopped for a second, but then Pinkie smirked. It seemed as if it was contagious, as Blue Streak also started grinning like a moron. Twilight tried to ignore them. Happy thoughts, she said in her mind. Just think happy thoughts. As the fish came ever closer, Pinkie burst into laughter. Twilight didn't care who it was, but she snapped. “What?!” she screamed at them. “What are you laughing at now?!”
They laughed even harder, seeing how Twilight was having a hard time. “You said: scale back!” Pinkie exclaimed as she wiped a tear from her cheek.
“Fish puns!” Blue Streak said, erupting into more laughter. He began to cough and choke as he ran out of oxygen in his lungs. Twilight felt no urge in helping him, even if he nearly managed to black out. She merely watched as his face went blue, the sight of him bringing a sick smile to her face.
With a splat, the first fish landed. Twilight shrieked as she jumped on the spot. Curious, she looked at the thing. Fortunately, the fish didn't look like a normal fish. She poked it, only to feel a rubbery texture. Twilight picked it up, feeling the weight of the thing. It was a plastic fish. Like it was going to be an actual fish. No sane person would be that cruel. Twilight looked around to find the pair cowering away. Blue Streak was still coughing, but he was shying away.
“It's not a real fish,” Twilight said, shaking it.
“Really?” Blue Streak asked between splutters.
“Why?” Pinkie said.
“I guess those fish puns were... wearing fin,” Twilight said, cackling like a mad witch. Neither of them were laughing. They weren't even smiling; they were slowly backing away from her, getting closer to Sugarcube Corner. Twilight harrumphed. “C'mon. I thought it was pretty good,” she complained. “How come you guys don't laugh when I make the puns?”
At that moment, the rest of the fish came down. Twilight jumped once more, and she looked up into the sky to be slapped by a plastic fish. In fact, many fish slapped her, but her face only registered one before she galloped away. A mass of brown, plastic objects blocked her view.
Twilight ran over to where Pinkie and Blue Streak were standing. Suddenly, the onslaught of fish stopped hitting her. She looked up in curiosity to find that Sugarcube Corner was now sheltering her. Her eyes narrowed. “Why didn't you tell me?” she asked. “You just stood there and watched.”
“I thought you realised,” Pinkie said, shrugging. “Plus, it was pretty funny.”
“It was,” Blue Streak confirmed.
With a sigh, Twilight sat down on her haunches. “We were having such a nice moment, too.”
“Anyway,” said Blue Streak, “when are you going to introduce me to your new friend? Pinkie, right? Well, it looks like we'll be under here for a while.”
Twilight glared at him.
“What?” he asked innocently.
“And that's how I saved Equestria!” Pinkie said with a grin.
“Wow, that is quite the tale,” Blue Streak said, nodding slowly.
“Isn't that right, Twi?”
Twilight was lying down on the ground at this point, staring into the grass beneath her hooves. More entertaining than listening to them talk. The seemingly endless shower of fish had been going on for a few minutes, and the entire ground had now been layered with plastic mass of fish. With a groan, she turned to face the talkative two. “Say again?” she asked, her eyes glazing over.
“How I saved Equestria?” Pinkie queried, cocking her head. “Oh, you know, don't you? I guess I'll have to tell the story agai—”
“Oh, look. The fish have stopped raining,” Twilight interrupted. Avoiding stepping on the fish left, right and centre, she ventured forward and looked up into the sky. Nothing was eclipsing the sun anymore; she could finally see the sky again. With a sigh, she beckoned Pinkie and Blue Streak over. “Look, no more fish!” she announced happily. “It's all over. That's enough excitement for one day.”. The pair didn't respond, instead choosing to slowly move back. “What's wrong this time?” Twilight asked, looking up into the sky. “There's no more fish up there. Why are you backing away this time?”
Pinkie pointed a shaky hoof towards the centre of Ponyville. Twilight turned around to see an ursa major strolling rather leisurely through the streets. No biggie. Well, the ursa major was, but that was hardly the point. Twilight twitched. The ursa minor she fought had been quite challenging, but this was a whole new ball game, thus explaining the change from 'minor' to 'major'. The giant bear roared before sitting on a house. Fortunately, she could see the inhabitants running away, but, rather unfortunately, the same couldn't be said for the house. It was completely crushed under the bear's weight, sending huge beams of wood flying high into the air.
Twilight twitched again.
“Twilight! Don't just stand there!” Pinkie screamed, waving her hooves in front of her friend's face. “Ponyville needs you! You dealt with the ursa minor! Okay, this thing is a lot bigger, and I mean a lot bigger, but we need you!” It was no use. Twilight had a bemused smile on her face, as if still not quite understanding the situation. She was stuck in her own little world. “C'mon, Twi! Blue Streak, snap her out of it!” The colt looked back and forth, his legs shaking. His eyes fell on the bear, who had just so happened to stare in his general direction. Blue Streak hightailed it out of town, screaming like a small filly as he ran.
Pinkie sighed. “Well, I guess it's up to me,” she said. She turned to the staring Twilight with her hoof at the ready. Grunting, she swung around, her hoof primed for a good slap, but stopped in mid-air. Pinkie's leg felt... heavier. Much heavier. She looked at it with great curiosity, noting the sudden increase in size. “Huh,” she said nonchalantly, watching as her limbs grew and grew. Pinkie grew two times the size of Twilight, and then doubled again in a matter of seconds. Soon, she was as big as Sugarcube Corner, to which she noted with a giggle.
“Twilight!” Pinkie said in an abnormally low voice. “Hey, Twilight! I'm like Godzilla! But a pony!” She stamped on the ground, making the earth shake beneath her hooves. “Bow before me, puny mortals!” Pinkie roared to the sky, adding a giggle to the end of it. “Accept me as your overlord, and perhaps I will grant a small amount of mercy to you!”
With a shake of her head, Twilight came to her senses. She turned to face Pinkie, but only found a thick, pink pole. “Pinkie?” she cried, looking around. Suddenly, a booming voice erupted from beside her.
“Oh, you’re back!” Pinkie yelled happily. “Look how tall I am, Twi! I had a dream like this one time. I was stomping around, knocking buildings down—”
It was at this moment that Twilight’s mind made the link between the pink pole and the charismatic voice. With a gulp, she looked slowly upwards, still only able to see a pink leg blocking the rest of her sight. She only found Pinkie’s torso when she bent her neck fully upwards. Even then, she still couldn’t see her face. “Pinkie?” Twilight mumbled.
“And then I took the roof off of Sugarcube Corner, and ate everything in one bite!” Pinkie exclaimed, licking her lips. “Not the Cake Family, silly! Oh, you should’ve been there. I would’ve made Dashie and Applejack proud! Rarity, not so much, but—”
“Pinkie!” Twilight said, suddenly feeling faint. There were too many thoughts going around her head. Too many things had happened in a relatively short amount of time. Pinkie’s incessant babbling didn’t exactly give any assistance in organising her thoughts.
“What?” Pinkie boomed.
“There’s something I’m missing here,” she admitted, “Blue Streak, the... raining fish, the ursa major and now you? It’s all too much of a coincidence to happen at the same time...”
Twilight could see her friend’s legs bend, shaking the earth slightly. She could now see Pinkie staring back at her, each of her eyes the same size as herself. “Were you saying something, Twi?” she said, making the earth rumble beneath Twilight’s hooves. “You’re going to have to speak up. I can’t hear you over everything.” Pinkie raised a hoof to her chin. “Y’know, this isn’t the first time this has happened. I’m used to it now! It happens every so often.”
“Ugh, Pinkie, could you just deal with the big bear over there while I think?” Twilight asked, shaking her head.
Pinkie looked over her shoulder. She cooed as if she’d forgotten all about it. With a smile, she said: “Okay!” As she skipped away, her eyes filled with glee, Twilight returned to her thoughts. Seeing Pinkie so big came as a surprise to her, but, then again, it seemed like that kind of day where a lot of things happened. It was strange; only a short time ago, everything had been so dull and boring. Seeing her friend again was different, but nothing out of the ordinary. It certainly was in comparison to everything else that had occurred, at least.
It was almost as if those conspiring events had happened at the press of a button.
Twilight gasped. It was the button. Not just any button, but the button. Her eyes glazed over. There was only one thing that could’ve done such damage and wreaked so much havoc across Ponyville. She had come across it in her studies before. It was only a myth in an old, dusty book with a tattered spine, but, then again, all myth tended to resurface eventually.
Unfortunately for Twilight, it happened to be on this day that The Plot Device was revealed.
“Hi, Twi!” Pinkie exclaimed, bounding back over. Every step on the ground made Twilight bounce up and down on the spot. “Turns out that bears really like tea! Lucky for me, I always have tea with me. Y’know, in case of a tea emergency. We just sat down and talked it out!”
Twilight waited for Pinkie to finish. There simply wasn’t any use in trying to speak over her booming voice. “So, it’s gone?”
“Yep!” she confirmed, beaming.
Twilight rolled her eyes. As radical as it seemed, she could believe it. After all, it was Pinkie. “Well, good. Anyway, I’ve figured out what’s been happening, Pinkie.” She instinctively beckoned her over before realising there was no point. With those oversized ears, Pinkie was most likely able to hear pin drop from a mile away. Even so, Pinkie still leaned in.
“What is it?” she asked.
“I believe it’s something called... The Plot Device.”
Pinkie threw her head back and laughed, causing the earth to crack below her. Twilight had to leap out of the way of an incoming fissure. She tried to catch her breath. “A... a plot device?”
“No, The Plot Device,” Twilight repeated.
“Like the one Rarity uses every Saturday?” she asked, winking.
“I don’t — Wha... No, not that kind!” Twilight barked, shaking her head.
Pinkie still had a knowing smile on her face. “Oh, you know. To make—”
“I guessed, Pinkie!” Twilight shouted. She slapped a hoof to her face. “I just didn’t need to know that,” she mumbled into her hoof.
Pinkie scoffed. “I thought everyone knew. Pretty common knowledge around town.”
“Listen, it’s not important,” Twilight said, frowning.
“It is to Rarity...”
“That... That doesn’t matter! The Plot Device is a device that fabricates plots from a push of its magical button.”
“Something tells me you like The Plot Device...” Pinkie began giggling, to which Twilight narrowed her eyes.
“Get your mind out of the gutter,” she ordered. “Plots. Plots! You know, storylines?” When Pinkie wore the same vacant expression, Twilight sighed. “Say if we were having a really boring day. Nothing happened. Just like this morning. Suddenly, when The Plot Device is pressed, a storyline is sent into the world. Like with Blue Streak. Or with the fish. And with the ursa major. Someone is pressing The Plot Device right now, and it’s not going to stop.”
Pinkie simply stared at her for a few seconds before smirking. “Heh, plots.”
“Oh, whatever,” Twilight dismissed. “We need to go and ask Princess Celestia about this.”
“Not so fast,” came a gruff voice. She turned to face a colt in a black suit and a matching tie. His shirt had been rid of any crease or stain. His eyes hid behind a pair of sunglasses.
“Uh, who are you?”
“It doesn’t matter. You are the only pony who can help us. We need you to go on a mission to...” he paused for dramatic effect. With a deep inhale, he looked deeply into Twilight’s eyes. “Save the world!” he finished.
Twilight looked away, and then back again at the colt. “See, Pinkie, this is what I mean. This... this isn’t even subtle! There are plenty of better plots out there!” The smartly-dressed colt looked downtrodden, his head bowed in shame. Slowly, he began walking away, having failed his mission. He had brought dishonour upon his family.
“But, Twi, what if he was being serious?” Pinkie asked.
“Then the world will end,” Twilight reassured. Pinkie gasped, making her tut. “Pinkie, it won’t happen. It’s all part of The Plot Device. I just need to get to Princess Celestia and ask her about it. Maybe she’ll know what to do.”
Her eyes gleaming, Pinkie lowered a hoof. “Hey, you can ride on my back! Make a cool entrance!”
Twilight paused before slowly shaking her head. “I can just teleport over there. It’d be much faster.”
The giant mare pouted. “Oh, come on, Twi! It’s not like you’ll get the same opportunity again!”
She had to admit, it had always been one of her fantasies. Without so much as a second thought, she climbed onto Pinkie’s hoof. With a giggle, Pinkie put her gently on her back. “You better hold on tight, Twi!” Pinkie yelled. Roaring to the sun once more, the monster pony began running out of Ponyville. Twilight did as told, holding on for dear life. The air rushed into her face, almost blinding her. It ruined her mane and tail, but she didn’t care; she was living the dream.
Twilight gasped. She could feel a chapter of her life coming to an end, thus increasing the tension of the plot.
No, not that kind.
“Uguu! I’m late! I’m late!” Twilight cried, clutching onto Pinkie’s back tightly. Rather mysteriously, a slice of toast had materialised in her mouth. She could taste strawberry jam and ash from the slight burn. Exposition overwhelmed and flooded her mind, blocking out any other logical thought. My name is Twilight Sparkle, personal protégé of Princess Celestia! I’m on a mission to secure The Plot Device, and to save the world!
Pinkie looked back at her, a bemused smile on her face. “Twi, are you okay? Did you just say... uguu?”
“N-no!” Twilight cried, munching the piece of toast. “Not at all, s-senpai!” She buried her face in her hooves in an attempt to avert Pinkie’s curious stare.
Pinkie giggled. “You’re so freakin’ kawaii, Twilight.”
Twilight went red from embarrassment. “B-baka!”
In a second, both of the ponies dropped their expressions. Twilight took another bite of the toast before throwing it away. “What... what was that?” Pinkie asked. “What does b-baka or kawaii even mean, Twi?”
Twilight’s eyes went wide. “I have no idea. It’s probably best for it to stay that way. Let’s just agree to never speak of this again.” With a nod, Pinkie turned back to face the land. She had to be careful not to step on any of the houses below her hooves, though she couldn’t do the same for the occasional tree. Equestria was simply filled with forests upon forests, and Pinkie couldn’t save all of them.
With each bound forward, Twilight would fly into the air and back into Pinkie again. Soon, it grew rather painful, but it was the price she had to pay to ride on the back of a giant. She could feel each step upon on the ground as it shook and crumbled beneath Pinkie’s weight. Twilight felt powerful from the extreme speed she was travelling at, making tears stream down her face. The sun felt glorious as the beams of light cascaded down on her glistening fur.
Soon, Canterlot came into sight. Twilight could see the sun-soaked towers overhanging the steep cliffs. She could see the ant-sized ponies gaze up into the sky and despair at the sight of a monster. Pinkie meant no harm, but they didn’t know that. All they saw was a giant heading towards them at a rather fast pace. Twilight watched as they screamed and ran about the streets like headless chickens. It brought an insipid smile to her face, to see such terror brought so ruthlessly into the lives of such innocent and naive beings...
She shook her head. All she had to do was focus on The Plot Device. Nothing else was important, no matter how... fun it was to watch the cockroaches scurry below her.
“Notify the Equestrian Air Force!” a posh voice screamed.
“That sounds like trouble,” Twilight mumbled under her breath.
“What was that, Twi?” Pinkie’s voice boomed.
“Trouble.”
In a matter of seconds, an alarm echoed across the sky. It sent shivers down Twilight’s spine as the warning horns blared overhead. Twilight had to cover her ears to stop the painful noise. As it came to a sudden stop she glanced over Pinkie’s massive shoulder, coming face to face with the incoming horde of Royal Guards. They circled around the giant, cutting off her escape. “Pinkie!” Twilight managed to yell before the commands of the Guards cut her off.
“Monster! State your purpose!” a Guard ordered, a spear between his front legs. He could barely keep up with Pinkie as she galloped ever closer to the walls of Canterlot.
Pinkie stopped dead. She scratched her chin before grinning deviously. “I’m a monster, am I? Well, if it’s a monster you want, it’s a monster you’ll get! I’ve come to flatten Canterlot beneath my mighty hooves! Muahaha!” With a roar that could easily rival the Royal Canterlot Voice, she looked straight into the Guard’s bulging eyes. Even for a Royal Guard, he looked afraid. Very afraid. His spear began shaking in his hooves.
Twilight groaned.
“Guards! Prepare to attack!”
“Hey, what?” Pinkie asked, genuinely confused. “It was a joke! Just a little prank! I didn’t mean any of—”
“Ready... ready... aim!” screamed the Guard, spittle flying from his mouth. “Fire!” He brought his hoof down.
In a moment, the sun was blotted out by hundreds of black lines. Twilight narrowed her eyes, and then gasped as the realisation hit her. She bowed her head, grunting as she exerted her mind. In an instant, she had summoned a purple sphere around Pinkie, who was now watching in wonder as the spears bounced and ricocheted harmlessly off of the shield. Twilight gazed around at the confused Royal Guards. She cleared her throat, readying herself for the speech.
“Royal Guards, your brave service to your nation and to your Princess have been duly noted. However, as Princess Twilight Sparkle, I hereby command you to stop at this—”
“Reload!” cried the Guard.
“I don’t think they’re listening, Twi,” Pinkie admitted, pouting slightly.
Twilight arched an eyebrow. “Listen, Pinkie, I’ll teleport to Celestia. You just keep the Royal Guards occupied. The bubble should protect you from any more spears they throw,” she said, bowing her head once more.
“But... but, Twi? What about your entrance?” Pinkie asked, her hair deflating ever so slightly.
“You take the spotlight, Pinkie,” Twilight said. She added a small bow. “The stage is all yours.”
Pinkie’s eyes glimmered. She muttered a few words of gratitude, but Twilight couldn’t hear them. With a swish of her horn, a bright light enveloped her. In a moment, the scenery had changed completely. Twilight stood in the Royal Chamber. She rotated around, seeing the luxury and majesty that covered the room. Red carpets of the finest variety. Golden pieces of furniture. All that was missing was the cherry on the top — the Princess herself.
“Twilight! My faithful subject, I’m so glad to see you.” came a regal voice. Twilight turned to face Princess Celestia. She looked as noble as ever, though her mane appeared to be slightly unkempt. It didn’t seem to... wave in the air as much as usual. Twilight could also see small bags under Celestia’s eyes, but she wasn’t one to talk. Many a night had disappeared without so much as a blink of an eye. Thanks to reading, of course.
“Princess Celestia!” Twilight cried. “I came as quickly as I could.”
Celestia raised an eyebrow, pointing a decorated hoof towards the giant pony outside of her window. Twilight narrowed her eyes, seeing Pinkie dance around the swarm of Royal Guards. Not in the jovial sense, but a genuine jig. She was flailing her limbs around with abandon, fortunately with the protection of Twilight’s spell. Twilight grinned, feeling her cheeks blush furiously.
“You could have teleported,” Celestia said bluntly.
“Pinkie insisted,” Twilight tried, blushing a deeper hue. “If you knew it was me, why are the Royal Guards still attacking Pinkie?”
“The current Head of the Royal Guards. He’s quite a stubborn one,” Celestia admitted. “That, and I believe Pinkie Pie said something... rather unnecessary.”
“Oh, never heard of that before,” Twilight said, her voice without tone.
“That’s neither here nor there. Twilight, have you any idea what has become of my kingdom? We have several unconfirmed reports of emerging Alicorn Princesses, who were previously unheard of to all but themselves, strange sightings of creatures now known as ‘huemanns’, the occasional eyewitness account of alien abductions and now Pinkie Pie as a giant,” Celestia said, stopping to catch her breath. “What is going on? I am powerless to stop it until I know.”
“There is only one thing that is capable of doing this,” Twilight murmured. “The Plot Device.”
“Like the one Rarity uses every Saturday?”
Twilight scrunched up her face. “How does everyone know of this but me?”
Princess Celestia shrugged. “Pretty common knowledge arou—”
A distant voice interrupted her. “Hello, dear friends! The time has come for my immediate departure, and, for this, I am deeply sorry. I must continue on my quest to become a sentient cloud.” Twilight’s mouth fell open. She could see Celestia’s hair moving slightly; it was swaying in the breeze. “Fare thee well, dear chums! I have gone to live a life of simplicity and knowledge!”
Within a fraction of a second, Celestia’s wavy hair detached from her head, and began floating. Both Twilight and Celestia watched in awe as it began flying towards the open window. The breeze caught it, sending it drifting into the sky without another word.
“Get back here!” Celestia cried, finally coming to her senses. She opened her wings, and flew out of the same window. Twilight would’ve said something, perhaps tried to stop her and ask her what to do, but the sight of Princess Celestia in all her mighty baldness was simply too distracting. She barely held her laughter in until Celestia had departed. Once Twilight was sure the Princess had disappeared, she couldn’t help herself. It was definitely the work of The Plot Device, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t funny to see a bald monarch chasing after her own hair.
Considering that Princess Celestia looked to be quite occupied, Twilight realised she could always speak to Princess Luna. After all, she did technically rule beside Celestia. Putting her laughter aside, she tried her best to put on a serious expression before leaving Celestia’s room. The hall outside was daunting; the room was bigger than Twilight was expecting. She suddenly felt so small — like an ant finding its way into a house.
With a sigh, she attempted to ignore it, instead taking interest in the red carpet leading away from the room. Twilight chose to follow it. Following any path was better than following no path. The red welcomed her like a celebrity, and she soon found a spring in her step. Twilight knew no one was watching, but the carpet just felt so luxurious. She told herself that it wasn’t her fault as she began skipping down the Royal Hall at quite a fast pace, seeing rooms and corridors pass her by left and right.
Eventually, much to her disappointment, the carpet came to a stop outside of a door. Not just any door, however. On closer inspection, Twilight could see a floating note before her. She had to squint. “Thank you, *insert protagonist here*! But our princess is in another castle!” Twilight read. “In another castle?” she repeated before rolling her eyes. “Nice try. Nearly fooled me, too.”
With a gentle hoof, Twilight pushed the grand door open, brushing the note aside. “Princess Luna?” she called, stepping forward. The room was dark, so she could barely see a thing. A ray of sunlight shone through a tiny crack between the closed curtains, illuminating a nearby switch. Twilight hesitated for a second before flipping it. In an instant, the room was filled with an unnatural light. A blue tint lit up the room.
Twilight’s eyes fell upon Princess Luna, who looked just as surprised as Twilight did. Luna’s mouth fell upon, and she tried to hide something between her hooves. Twilight narrowed her eyes. “Princess Luna,” she repeated, pointing at the thing, “what is that?”
“Oh, hello, Twilight Sparkle,” Luna said, a nervous smile spreading on her face. “Wonderful... day we are having?”
“Are you trying to change the subject?” Twilight asked.
“Um, no. Not at all. Have you seen my sister aro—”
“Don’t play coy, Luna,” Twilight said bluntly, cocking her head. “I know what it is.”
Luna looked away and then back at Twilight. She snarled, and began hovering in the air. “It is mine!” she yelled. “You cannot have it, Twilight Sparkle! It is mine to command!”
And with that, Princess Luna presented The Plot Device in front of her. It was a simple box with a big, red button on the top of it. Rather pointlessly, ‘The Plot Device’ was printed on the button. To be honest, Twilight expected something slightly grander. Her studies had made The Plot Device out to be a weapon of complete chaos — something spoken in tales and myth for young foals to fear — but it looked so... simple. Perhaps that was the trap. It lulled you into a false sense of security, waiting for your guard to drop, before striking.
“How did you even get that?” Twilight asked, more curious than fearful of the legendary weapon.
“Discord was kind enough to lend it to me,” Luna replied. “Now, it is—”
“Discord?” Twilight repeated, arching a brow. “Why would he bother?”
“Because he can,” came the response. “It is time for you—”
“That’s not a very good answer,” Twilight argued. “Just because I can do something doesn’t mean that I will do it.”
“Silence!” screamed Luna. “I was the one who created the events of today! I pressed this button to bring excitement to an otherwise boring day! Prepare yourself, Twilight Sparkle, for the wrath of The Plot Device!” As dramatically and as slowly as possible, Luna raised her hoof into the air. She brought it down on top of The Plot Device, letting out a maniacal cackle as she did. Twilight braced for impact, instinctively backing away from Luna.
She heard a small beep. Then, Twilight saw nor thought no more.
No, literally. It was just a small beep, nothing more.
“Was... was that it?” Twilight asked.
“Just wait,” Luna said. “Patiently,” she added quickly.
Twilight frowned. “You expect me to wait for it to work?”
“Yes.”
“As if,” Twilight said. “Luna, just give me The Plot Device. For the sake of your subjects.”
“Never!” Luna cried, her eyes suddenly glowing pure white.
Before Twilight could think of a rebuttal, the windows burst open. Gallons upon gallons of water poured into the room, submerging Twilight before she could think of a spell to stop it. She kicked her hooves desperately, trying to reach the top before the water filled the entire room. With a final kick, she broke the surface, breathing deeply before being taken under the water once more. The fight with the water was harder than it would’ve seemed — the insurmountable amount kept pouring through the window from nowhere, pushing Twilight down two feet for every one foot she swam through.
It was pointless. She knew it. Twilight wasn’t a strong swimmer, and the water was too powerful. She felt water travel down her throat and into her lungs. She tried to cough it out, but it made no difference. Twilight slowly grew weaker, kicking slower and slower until her hooves finally stopped altogether. Her vision began blurring, and everything appeared lighter. Soon enough, the only thing she could see was pure white. The pain in her lungs kept rising, and she soon felt her conscious slipping.
And then another beep sounded through the water.
“How did we get here, Twilight Sparkle?” Luna’s voice said in her mind.
“Oh, my gosh,” Twilight murmured. “We’re dreaming.” And then came a rumble. She could feel it resonating through her entire body. Twilight felt herself shaking, as well as the huge mass of water on top of her. She cried out, the noise reaching intolerable levels of sound. She tried to cling on to the reality beneath her hooves, but it broke apart like shards of glass. Twilight managed to gain purchase on the floor before the dream broke, casting her into darkness. With a final sigh, she let go, falling into nothingness.
Twilight woke up.
She yawned, stretching her weary legs. She kicked the warm blankets off of her, much to her dissatisfaction. The morning sun crept through the crack in the curtains, right into her eyes. With a sigh, she jumped out of the bed, scratching her tired eyes. She felt cold outside her bed, and she found her eyes wandering back over to it. It looked so inviting, but she couldn’t. “Spike?” she called, trying to derail her train of thought, “what’s the time?” Twilight could hear the approaching steps of her assistant as he bounded up the stairs.
“Not that early,” he said, appearing around the corner.
“Good,” Twilight replied simply. “I just had the strangest dream...”
Another beep echoed around the room.
“We need to go deeper,” Spike said in a voice oddly reminiscent of Princess Luna. He narrowed his eyes.
“Wha... what?”
Twilight woke up again.
Her head felt incredibly groggy. She groaned as she rose from the carpet of Luna’s room. Her hooves were unsteady beneath her weight, and it took great effort to stay on all four of them. The water was gone, even if it was never there in the first place. It didn’t matter.
“How are you still standing?” Luna cried, pressing The Plot Device once more. “I have so many plots at my command!” She pressed again. “How can you fight against so many plots?” Another press. “It is impossible, Twilight Sparkle! Submit to the plots!” Another. “Do not bother getting up. The amount of plots will submerge you. By the time they are done, you will be nothing but a whimpering, broken parasite on my floor!”
In a moment, there was another beep. This time, it was different. It had a lower pitch, the exact opposite of the one in Luna’s hooves. Twilight looked up, coming face to face with a similar button. It had the exact same design. Instead of reading ‘The Plot Device’, however, it read ‘The Monotony Machine’. Twilight looked at Luna, who looked back at her. There was a deadly silence in the room as one stared the other down.
“Is that not contradictory?” Luna asked, cocking her head. “I mean, the product of The Plot Device would essentially destroy the plot, thus making the entire objective of The Plot Device null and void. Is that not a plot hole, if you will excuse my French? Although—”
Twilight let out an animalistic scream as she leapt forward, interrupting Luna’s speech. She bounded forward, using energy the likes of which she had never encountered before. Time slowed down as she galloped forth. Before Luna could even react, Twilight had her hooves on The Monotony Machine. She looked down on the thing. It looked so inviting to press. Her hoof circled around the exciting button. She had to. It was inevitable.
“Now, Twilight Sparkle... Let us think about this!” Luna cried, raising a futile hoof. “Without The Plot Device, this day would have been entirely boring! Nothing would have happened. You know this. To throw away this opportunity is an act of sheer folly!”
“No offence, Luna, but I’ve never really liked plots,” Twilight said, a smug smile appearing on her face. Without a moment to spare, her hoof fell, and a satisfying beep made her smile even harder. The room burst into light, almost blinding Twilight. It didn’t matter to her. She closed her eyes; it was all over. She could hear Luna screaming at her, but she couldn’t hear her over the sound of victory. Twilight couldn’t even hear herself thinking over the sound of winning.
In a moment, the light was gone, and Twilight was left alone in the room. She looked around. Both buttons were gone. “Luna?” Twilight called, but to no avail. Luna was nowhere to be found. It didn’t make sense, but none of the day had. She was just glad the entire debacle was over and done with. She slumped to the ground. As it had turned out, it had been quite an exciting day.
“Twi? Twi!” Pinkie cried as she leapt into the room. Princess Celestia followed alongside her, smiling down on her pupil. “You did it, Twi! The world is saved!” Pinkie grabbed Twilight by her shoulders, heaving her up from the carpet to embrace her in a hug. “Is The Plot Device gone?” she asked, tilting her head to the side. “Where’s Princess Luna?”
“Yes, where is my sister?” Celestia asked, her hair and her head in harmony once more.
“I don’t know,” Twilight confirmed, frowning. “It’s gone... it’s done.”
“But, Twilight, I don’t get something,” Pinkie said, matching her frown. “This whole day, we were following a plot of our own, presumably when Luna used The Plot Device the first time. Doesn’t that mean that The Plot Device inevitably began its own downfall with plots within a plot? Doesn’t that contradict its existence in all of its entiret— Oh, no, I’ve gone cross-eyed.”
Twilight rolled her eyes. “Shut up, Pinkie.”
And she did.
Princess Luna woke with a groan. Her head was pounding, and her entire body hurt. With another groan, she forced her body up from the white ground beneath her hooves. She looked around with her aching eyes, and then gasped at the sight. “No,” she said simply, “it can’t be true.” Darkness was all around her, though several blobs of pure white dotted the view. “No!” she screamed into the air.
As her head fell, her eyes came across a very familiar quote in the dirt. ‘Princez Loonaa woz ere’ was written very poorly by hoof. To make matters worse, a button sat beside it. Luna couldn’t bear to look, but she knew she had to. With a shaky hoof, she picked it up, and read the note on it aloud. “The Monotony Machine,” she said. She blinked. “The Monotony Machine?”
Luna looked up into space, throwing back her head before screaming, “Fuuuuuuuuuuuu—”
Author's Note
Had this idea in my head for over a year. Were it not for my sexy pre-readers, this... thing would never have happened. Heavily inspired by this.
