Pinkie Pie's Baking With Baddies: Birthday Cake

by Closer-To-The-Sun

Rating: everyone
Tags: Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Queen Chrysalis, Gummy, Random, Pinkie Pie
Length: 2972

Today on Pinkie Pie's Baking With Baddies, our lovable pink party pony bakes a birthday cake with the changeling monarch herself, Queen Chrysalis.

“Extra sugar, extra salt,/Extra oil and MSG!/Extra sugar, extra salt,/Extra oil and MSG!/Shut up and eat!” –Cibo Matto, ‘Birthday Cake’

In an effort to reform her, Princess Celestia sends Queen Chrysalis to the most horrible thing that the changeling queen can imagine: baking with Pinkie Pie. Will she learn something just as Celestia intended or will Chrysalis be unable to handle being in the same room as Pinkie for an extended period of time?

Image created by DepisedAndBeloved on deviantArt

Published 2013-07-30 17:30:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-07-30 17:30:02 UTC

Birthday Cake

“Hiya! I’m Pinkie Pie and I want to welcome you to Pinkie Pie’s Baking With Baddies!” the pink pony bounced around the kitchen of Sugarcube Corner.

The other being in the kitchen stared at Pinkie Pie with a raised eyebrow and a confused expression on her face, “Just whom are you talking to, you crazy pony?”

Pinkie stopped her bouncing and landed next to her, “The audience, silly! Now, please give a warm welcome to today’s guest on Baking With Baddies! You know her as the queen of mean, the mistress of distress, the she-king of changelings, Queen Chrysalis!” The mare clapped her hooves together rapidly together as she cheered as if she was in the audience herself.

“You have got to be kidding me,” Chrysalis rolled her eyes. She put one of her front limbs on the counter in front of her. Supporting her head with her hoof, she continued, “This can’t be happening.”

“Sure it can! It’s happening right now at this very second! And at this second! And this one! And this one! And so on for many, many more seconds!” Pinkie explained, tying a blue apron to her body.

Chrysalis groaned, “Celestia, this has got to be considered cruel and unusual punishment. Isn’t there something in the Genieghva Convention about this being unethical?”

Pinkie joyfully chimed in, “Nope! Besides, you get to have fun with me! Now, you need to put on an apron so we can begin!” The pink party pony held up a pink and yellow apron that was made out of a fabric of flowers and cute rabbits.

“There is no way in Equestria I’m putting that on,” the royal changeling pointed to the apron.

“Aww….but my friend Rarity picked it out just for you! And if you don’t put it on, Princess Celestia says she’ll send you someplace else, and I don’t want you to leave!” Pinkie pleaded.

The queen raised an eyebrow in disbelief, “Someplace else? Just where else could she send me that is worse than this?”

“Oh, it’s this really neat place called The Phantom Zone! You go there with this weird beam-like thing. Once there, you can only look at the world, but you can’t touch! And you’re like this spooky ghost! Oooo! She even sent Sombra there!” Pinkie Pie exaggerated her statements with movements of her limbs.

The queen really seemed to be frightened about Pinkie’s statement, “R-Really?”

Pinkie broke into laughter, “Nah, I’m just joking! There’s no such thing as The Phantom Zone. I think. I mean, I could be wrong. I think I’m wrong. Anyway, Celestia sent Sombra to my friend Rarity’s where he models dresses for her!”

Chrysalis thought about what Pinkie had told her for a few moments before she took the apron, “Just give it to me.” Tying the apron around her body, she looked down at her body, “How does it look?”

“Super adorable~!” the mare sang her comment, “now we just need to put a little chef’s hat on your head instead of that crown.” Pinkie Pie used her hoof to knock the crown off from the queen’s head, replacing it with a poofy white hat, “Perfect!”

A pink tint appeared on the changeling’s face. “Alright, alright, fine. Whatever, can we get this over with?”

“I thought you’d never ask!” Pinkie shouted happily as she placed a bowl on the counter. “Now, today, we’re going to make a birthday cake!”

“A birthday cake? For who?”

“It’s for a surprise party!”

“Not what I asked, but whatever,” Chrysalis sighed in boredom.

“First, we need to get the flour and sugar! Chyrsie, do you want to get the flour as I get the sugar?” Pinkie started bouncing to another counter.

Chrysalis glared harshly at Pinkie as she trotted to get the flour, “Can you not call me that?”

Bouncing back with a bag of sugar, the pink pony giggled, “Why not have a fun nickname? Mine is Pinkie, after all!”

Putting the bag of flour on the counter with a thud, Chrysalis set it down and rolled her eyes, “Moving on….”

“Right!” Pinke proclaimed, “now we add flour and sugar in the bowl! Let us pour!” Both Pinkie and Chrysalis poured the two powders into the bowl. “Just a little more….we don’t want to put too much in,” the pink pony warned, “and stop! Now we need eggs and butter! Can you please get me those, Chrysie?”

“Yeah, I can get them,” Chrysalis stated as she trotted toward the refrigerator, “but I’m telling you, stop calling me tha-ahh!” The changeling let out a yelp as she opened the door to the refrigerator. Inside, she found a green reptile, staring at her with his large purple eyes, “Wha….What is that thing?!”

Pinkie peered over Chrysalis to see the source of her surprise. “Oh, Gummy! I found you! You’re really good at playing hide-and-seek! How long as it been, two weeks? It’s a new record!” The pink mare quickly grabbed her pet and placed him in her mane, “Come on, Gummy, we’re baking a cake today, and you get to join us!”

Queen Chrysalis was still stunned, “How can a cold-blooded reptile be in a refrigerator?”

“Because he loves to play hide-and-seek! But don’t worry your silly head off about that, we need eggs and butter!” Pinkie chimed as she playfully trotted along, balancing Gummy on her head.

Giving up on reason, Chrysalis took the butter and eggs from the refrigerator and trotted back to the counter. “There, now what, you pink monstrosity?”

“You break the eggs and put the yolk in the batter and I’ll put the butter and milk in!”

Chrysalis’ ears perked up and a wicked grin appeared on her face, “Break the eggs? Like how I broke the spirit of the citizens of Canterlot as my changelings swarmed into the castle and began wreaking havoc?”

Pinkie stared blankly at the queen, “No….more like breaking eggs and putting them into the batter as I pour the milk and butter in.”

“Pfft….you’re no fun….” Chrysalis scoffed as she began to break the eggs on the edge of the bowl and allowing the yolk go into the bowl. At the same time, Pinkie put in the stick of butter into the mixture and poured the milk in as well.

“Alright, done with the milk and the butter! You done with the eggs, Chrysie?” Pinkie cheerfully asked.

Annoyed with how she was addressed, she nodded, “Yeah, all the eggs are in.”

“Yay! Now it’s time for the funnest part!”

“Funnest is not a word….”

Pinkie stared directly at Chrysalis and shouted right in her face, “It is too a word!”

The queen was quite taken back, “Alright, alright fine. What is this ‘funnest’ part then?”

The party pony returned to her normal state, “We get to mix the batter! Yay!”

“Yay?”

“Yes, yay!”

“Um, alright then. Go nuts then,” Chrysalis’ words were distant and uninterested.

“But we don’t’ have any nuts in the cake mix! Besides, you get to mix the batter!” Pinkie announced.

“Me?” This caught the changeling’s attention.

Pinkie bounced up and down as she nodded, “Yup! Just take the whisk and mix up the batter!”

Cautiously taking the utensil in her hoof, Chrysalis put the whisk in the bowl and began stirring the contents slowly, “Like this?”

“That’s a good start, but you need to go faster! Come on, pick up the pace!” Pinkie Pie began to bounce around the kitchen yet again. With her hopping, she started to sing, “Pick it up! Pick it up! Pick it up! Pick it up! Pick it up!”

Following the orders from the party pony, the queen sped up her stirring of the batter. “Faster, faster,” she told herself, trying to match the speed of Pinkie’s singing.

“Pick it up! Pick it up! Now, stop! It’s now time to stir it up faster! Faster, yes! Faster, go! Stir up the batter faster! Yay!” Pinkie giggled as she finished her song, “That was a fun song! How’s that batter look, Chrysie?”

“Looks….lumpy….” Chrysalis admitted.

“Then keep stirring! Stir it up! Stir it up! Stir it up! Stir it up!” the pink mare started to sing again. “And solo from Gummy!” she pointed up to the green alligator in her messy pink mane. Gummy blinked a couple times but remained silent. “Great job, Gummy!” the pony added before she continued her song, “Pick it up! Stir it up! Pick it up! Stir it up! Pick it up!”

Chrysalis stirred faster as Pinkie sang, causing her to sweat and grit her teeth.

“And stop! How about now? What does it look like, huh? Huh? Huh?” Pinkie Pie rushed back over to Chrysalis to look at the bowl.

“Well, you’re the so called expert here, and I use that term lightly….what do you think?” the changeling queen asked.

“Perfect cake batter! Now we get to pour it into this pan!” Pinkie Pie pulled a baking pan out of seemingly nowhere.

Queen Chrysalis looked puzzled at the pan, “Just….pour it on in?”

“WAIT!” Pinkie shouted at the top of her lungs, startling Chrysalis.

“What, what is it?”

“I gotta taste test it first!” the pink pony happily said. She lightly dipped the tip of her hoof into the batter and licked it. After making a few noises with her mouth, she smiled and nodded, “Need a little more oil and salt! And a small touch of MSG!”

The changeling titled her head in confusion, “MSG?”

“For taste! Duh!”

“Um….alright then….”

Pinkie Pie quickly hopped across the kitchen and getting oil, salt, and MSG. She was then quick to add the three new ingredients into the batter. “There! Ready for pouring action!”

Chrysalis tilted the bowl and began to pour the batter into the pan. Slowly the goopy mixture left the bowl and filled the pan.

“And there we go!”

“Good, so we’re done yet?” Chrysalis glared at the pink earth pony.

“Of course not! We still got to put it in the oven!” Pinkie happily answered.

“In the oven?” the changeling asked.

The pink mare smiled, “Yup yup! We now get to put the cake pan in the oven at 425 degrees Fahrenheit for forty-five minutes!” Taking the pan, Pinkie bounced the oven and placed it inside, shutting the door loudly.

“Forty-five minutes? We have to wait that long for this stupid cake?” the queen was not amused.

Pinkie Pie giggled, “Of course not! Because Gummy and I already baked a cake earlier so our audience wouldn’t have to wait!” From beneath the counter, she pulled out cake pan with a freshly baked cake.

Chrysalis stared at Pinkie in confusion. She then saw Gummy poke his head out of Pinkie’s puffy mane. He blinked as he used his front legs to clap as if he was a member of the audience, given the order to applaud.

“Uh huh….so then, we’re done now, right?” the changeling asked.

“Hehe, no, you silly goose! Now we get to have the fun part! ICING THE CAKE!” Pinkie announced at the top of her lungs, “So what kind of frosting should we put on?”

“Are you….asking what flavor I would want on the cake?” Chrysalis asked timidly.

“Well, duh! Everypony should be able to enjoy the cake!” the pink pony mused with a large grin.

Chrysalis looked at the cake and then turned to Pinkie Pie and asked in a hushed tone, “Can it be chocolate frosting?”

Pinkie Pie gasped loudly, “You love chocolate? I love chocolate too! It’s, like, the greatest flavor of anything ever!” Taking her pet alligator out of her mane and placing him on the counter, Pinkie looked at Gummy in the eyes, “You stay here and guard the cake with Chrysie here while I go get the chocolate frosting, Gummy!” With that statement, Pinkie Pie hopped away for her quest.

Looking at the alligator, Queen Chrysalis was feeling uneasy as she looked at Gummy. He stared right at her, almost as if he was staring into her soul. His eyes blinked unevenly and at random intervals, making the changeling nervous. As quickly as she left, Pinkie Pie returned with the frosting, singing the word ‘chocolate’ over and over.

“Are you ready to put the chocolate on the cake, Chrysie?” Pinkie asked, dropping a tub of chocolate frosting on to the counter.

Chrysalis looked concernedly at the large amount of frosting Pinkie Pie had brought over, “Do we….need that much?”

“Only as much as you want! You, yes, YOU get to ice the cake to how you see fit!” the mare pointed and even poked Queen Chrysalis as she spoke.

“But why me, if I may ask?” the changeling asked.

Pinkie smiled and laughed, “Well, it’s obvious why, you’re the special guest star!”

“Well, if you say so,” Chrysalis took a utensil that was sitting on the counter before pausing and turning to the pony, “Do I use this to spread the icing?”

“Yup! Just dip it into the tub of icing and go crazy!” Pinkie began bouncing around the kitchen again.

Carefully, the queen did as she was instructed. Putting the utensil into the icing, she scooped some of the icing and began to slowly spread it across the top of the cake in the pan.

The pink pony exclaimed, “Oh come on, that’s not how you ice a cake! You gotta really dig in deep into the icing and smother the cake in all that frosting!” Her instructions seemed almost demanding.

Fearful of the party pony’s wrath, she did just as Pinkie ordered. Scooping up the frosting out of the cake, Chrysalis added more and more icing onto the cake.

“There you go! Add as much as you like! The cake is your canvas!” Pinkie mused.

A small smile appeared on the queen’s face as she continued. Adding more frosting to the cake, she evened out the layers of icing, making the cake look neat and orderly.

“It’s looking like a very tasty cake, Chrysie!” the pony’s pink head was peering over the counter as if she was a small filly spying on their mother baking.

“Heh, thanks,” Chrysalis smiled as she finished smoothing out the layer of frosting, “and, I think it’s done.”

“Lemme see, lemme see!” Pinkie bounced up from her spot. “Ooo, it does look good! Maybe one of the best cakes I’ve seen!”

Queen Chrysalis was confused at Pinkie’s statement, “Best? But it’s so plain.”

“But sometimes the simplest things that are the best!” Pinkie happily claimed.

“Really?”

“Really really, Chrysie! But there is one thing missing about this cake….” Pinkie Pie placed her hoof under her chin, “What is it, Gummy?” Looking at her pet alligator, the party pony was in deep though. However, when Gummy coughed, it was if he had spoke to Pinkie, “You’re absolutely right, Gummy! We need to give this cake to who it belongs to!” Picking up the alligator, Pinkie put her pet back into her messy mane.

“Give the cake to who it belongs to? What are you talking about now?” the queen asked, finally setting the icing utensil down.

Pinkie giggled loudly, “Well, it’s a birthday cake, silly! We have to give it to the birthday pony!”

“Oh, who's that then?” Chrysalis asked.

Pinkie Pie bopped the changeling on her muzzle, “Bop! You! Happy birthday!”

This really puzzled the queen, “Um….it’s not really my birthday.”

“Sure it is, Chrysie! It’s your belated birthday! Or early birthday! Or birthday birthday! The point is that it’s about you and your cake! Enjoy!” Pinkie seemed to really excited about the thought of Chrysalis’ birthday.

“Oh, I’ve never had anypony do something for my birthday or anything for me, Pinkie Pie,” it was visually obvious that Queen Chrysalis was touched by Pinkie’s kindness, “Thank you very much.”

The pink pony gave a warm and loving side hug to the changeling queen, “Of course! Everypony should celebrate their birthday with cake! Dig in!” Pinkie Pie’s hoof was behind Chrysalis’ head, where she accidentally pushed the changeling’s head down and onto the cake pan. “Whoopsie….sorry, Chrysie….”

Slowly raising her head up from the cake pan, Chrysalis’ face was covered in frosting and cake bits. Trying her best to keep a straight face, Pinkie was giggling and snorting as she kept her laugh in. However, she broke into laughter, seeing the queen of the changelings covered in cake.

Chrysalis’ expression was one of annoyance as she heard Pinkie laugh at her. It was after she licked a bit of the frosting that was around her mouth that her stone serious expression changed to laughter as well. “Even in this sticky mess, I still have to say that today was quite fun with you Pinkie Pie. To think one of my former enemies would make me laugh and smile with baking sweets,” Queen Chrysalis said in between her laughter and wiping some of the frosting off of her face.

Giggling, Pinkie Pie beamed as she spoke, “You know, you should do that more often, Chrysie!”

“Do what more often? Bake?” Chrysalis removed more of the frosting and cake.

“No, silly, smile! You got to smile more! Smiling makes everything better!” the pink pony bounced up and down

Pausing for a moment, the changeling queen thought about what Pinkie had done for her and what she had caused her to do: to smile and laugh. Her puzzled expression quickly changed to a small, heartfelt smile.

Chiming in as if on cue, Pinkie Pie “Yay! That means today was a huge success! Thank you for joining us today, Queen Chrysalis!” The pink pony put one of her hooves into the cake and took out a large chunk of cake out to eat, “Join us next time on Baking With Baddies where I bake banana bread with Discord! Buh-bye for now!”

“Wait, what about Discord?”

END