“And here, you’ll see to your left the Personal Hell Chambers,” the demon tour guide said pleasantly, gesturing to six doors on the cavern wall before them.
“Why are there only six?” Rainbow Dash asked. “There are a lot more than six ponies in the world.”
The tour guide rolled his eyes. “It only shows the personal hells of those that stand before it. Since there are only six of you—”
“—and me!” Spike pipped up, not wanting to be left out.
The tour guid ignore this. “Since there are only six of you before it, there are only six doors. Feel free to peak inside and check out what your personal hells are like. Do keep in mind that Satan’s Tours of the Underworld is not responsible for any heart attacks, nightmares, or ingrown hair follicles that result from the radiation used to look deep into your psyche and create the personal hells. Have fun!”
Twilight Sparkled turned to her five friends and Spike. “I guess I’ll go first, girls. I mean, it can’t be too bad.”
The alicorn opened the door marked “Princess Twilight Sparkle” and took a look at the chamber that lay beyond the door. Inside was a small schoolroom filled with earth pony foals, all reading books that varied from simple picture books and news tabloids obviously destined for those of a lower reading skill development, to chapter books that one would read at about the age of ten.
Twilight screamed, and slammed the door shut. She was breathing heavily, her heart pounding. Falling back on her haunches, she started at the door, the horrible image burned into her eyes.
“What did you see, Twi?” asked Applejack, concerned.
“Filthy... dirt ponies...” she gasped. “Learning... to read!”
“I’ll go next!” Rainbow Dash announced. “I’m not scared of anything though, so I don’t think there’ll be anything beyond that door.”
“The Personal Hell Chambers aren’t designed to scare, they are designed to show the place in which you would be most tortured in,” the tour guide explained with a roll of his red demon eyes.
“Twilight seemed pretty scared,” Rainbow Dash said obtusely.
“To be fair, Rainbow, a world where earth ponies could read would be terrifyin’ to just about anypony,” Applejack pointed out.
“I guess,” Rainbow Dash said with a roll of her eyes. “Anyway, time for me to get in there and see just what could possible get to me, Rainbow Dash.”
The pegasus opened the door marked with her name, and took a look inside. There, laying on a table, was a stack of papers.
“Paper?” Raonbow Dash wondered aloud. “What does that—” She looked closer, and saw that those papers were in fact her thousands and thousands of words worth of Daring Do fanfiction.
“I’m still not seeing how...” her voice trailed off as a candle was slowly lowered to her precious prose. Slowly, a flame was ignited towards the middle of the stack, and the entire collection of amazing fanfics staring Daring Do and her totally-not-an-author-insert sidekick Bainbow Rash was up in flames.
Rainbow Dash made a sound often associated with stepping on a hamster, and closed the door to her Personal Hell. Her eyes were wide, a single tear running down her cheek.
“What happened, Rainbow?” asked Fluttershy, frightened. Rainbow Dash mouthed empty words, and wandered over to Twilight, where she sat next to her shaking friend, gaping endlessly at the wall of doors.
“Well, best Ah go next,” Applejack volunteered bravely, heading to her respective door. She opened it, and prepared herself for the spectacle beyond.
The orange earth pony was greeted with the scene of herself tied to a chair, a blindfold around her eyes. Applejack watched as a pair claws came from the darkness beyond, one of them holding up an orange. Slowly, it peeled the orange, and began to rub the peels all across her body, getting the waxy interior of the peels all around on her coat.
Applejack let out a yell, and the door was closed in the blink of an eye. Sweat poured down the mare’s face as she tried to come to terms with what she had been shown.
“What was it? What was it? Tell us tell us tell us!” Pinkie Pie asked, bouncing up and down all around Applejack.
“Cl-claws...” Applejack muttered. “Ah h-hate claws!”
“It’s alright, Applejack,” Spike said in a voice of genuine concern, patting her on the back. Applejack stared in horror at the scaly abominations caressing her back fur. She flung Spike to the ground and stomped his claws into the basalt floor, where they couldn’t hurt her anymore.
“Alright, Rarity, you must do it now,” Rarity told herself. “You must, you must, you must...” biting her lip and closing her eyes, she inhaled deeply, then spent a good five minutes coughing out the acrid smoke she had breathed in from a nearby fire pit.
“Alright, I’m ready,” she told her remaining friends (and Spike). “I shall see what could possibly haunt a lady such as myself.”
The unicorn walked over to the door that was made for her, and she opened it up to look inside. A booming voice greeted her.
“I’m sorry, Rarity, but you have lost The Equestria National Twerking Contest to Fluttershy! Please accept your defeat and cower in shame and disgust!”
“NOOOOOOOOO!” Rarity screamed, collapsing in a heap before the evil door, sobbing in her overly dramatic way, as was the usual.
“Wait, that seemed more like something Rainbow Dash would be more upset to hear—” Spike began to say, before Rarity shot daggers at the dragon with her eyes.
“DON’T YOU JUDGE ME!” she screeched. Spike cowered in fear behind Pinkie Pie, who then sat down on him by accident.
“You go next, Fluttershy!” Pinkie Pie said with enthusiasm, ignoring the muffled noises coming from under her plump pink posterior.
“Oh, no thank you,” Fluttershy squeaked, shivering in fear. “I have a rather nice life not knowing what’s beyond that door, thank you...”
“Don’t be such a ‘fraidy foal!” Pinkie said with gusto, and picked Fluttershy up, depositing her in front of the door that bore her name. “You can close it any time you want!”
“I’m still not sure,” Fluttershy said, cringing a bit. Pinkie leaned in, smiling a manic smile. “Oh, alright...”
Fluttershy opened the door, and looked on at the inside. It was her, sitting in a crowd of ponies all swaying to some rather intense music. The singer on stage was growling into his mike, deep vocals accompanying the insane guitar riffs and the thundering drums.
Suddenly, the crowd began to riot as the song reached the apex of intensity. Together, they began flailing about, smashing into Fluttershy, banging her up, sweeping her away into a mosh pit. Fluttershy began to feel aroused from all of the contact, before she heard the music again, this time identifying just what band was playing.
“Slipknot? I fucking hate Slipknot!” Fluttershy yelled. She then took note of the banner that was hung up above the stage. “Endless Slipknot Concert 2013?”
Fluttershy slammed the door shut, cowering in terror. She slowly backed away, retreating from the source of the supreme terror. Pinkie cast a concerned glance at her pegasus friend. “What happened in there, Fluttershy?”
“Never ending... pussycore metal band concert...” Fluttershy squeaked in horror. The timid pegasus passed out, unable to process the unbearable horrors she had witnessed.
“Well, I guess it’s my turn! I want to see what sort of creepy and crazy things are in my psyche!” Pinkie Pie said with enthusiasm. The springy pink pone pounce over to the door, and flung it open with gusto. Shoving her head inside, she had not observed the contents of the Personal Hell Chamber before a loud shriek was emitted. Pinkie Pie stepped away from the door, and the room exhumed a large quantity of a strange black goop, before the door melted away.
The demon tour stomped his foot in frustation. “Dammit! Why does no one ever read the sign?”
Pinkie Pie giggled cheerfully. “What sign?”
The tour guid pointed to a large sign above the door that read “Any person, pony, or other pedestrian that registers over a 120 Wats not permitted to use the Personal Hell Chambers.” The tour guid took a strange metal detector-esque device and swiped over Pinkie Pie. The device beeped a few times, then exploded.
“Argh! My Wat-O-Meter! These things are expensive!” The tour guide growled. Pinkie giggled again.
“Well, I guess it’s my turn,” Spike said, looking at the wall. “But... I don’t have a door...”
“Fine, I guess I could make you a door,” the tour guide said with a sigh. Hurrying over to Fluttershy’s door, the demon took out a magic marker and crossed out her name, replacing it with Spike’s. “There. Have fun.”
Spike opened the door, and gazed inside. What he found in the chamber shocked him greatly. It was Twilight’s Library, looking as it always did, except he and Twilight were... playing happily. Everypony else was there too, not hurting him, bossing him around, or shoving hot pokers into his private parts. It was truly a paradise.
“But... I don’t see how this place beyond the door is a personal hell,” Spike said. “I look so happy!”
The tour guide smiled an evil smile. “That’s the thing! That there you see? That’s reality. What you are in right now? Your personal hell!”
Spike clapped his claws to the sides of his face, his mouth agape. He screamed in horror as his eyes rolled out of his head, turning into snakes as they landed on the ground.
