The Mysterious Tale of the Man Who Didn't Do Much

Chapter 1: Charmed, She's Sure

"Move, move, move! Private Jackson, we are Oscar Mike, get to the god damned boat!" That's what Commander Sachez, (That's right, no "N", so not Sanchez) said to me before everything crashed down around me. Literally. I was just a rookie, straight out of the 16th year. The building we were using as cover was falling. Fast. "Shit! Get the fuck out!" I was dead, and I knew it. I wouldn't have time to move... It was over. I braced myself as the building slowly came down. The creaking and groaning made my ears feel like they were bleeding. Next thing I knew... I was falling? What in the world? My chest landed on something bulging from the ground. I coughed a few times before I started blacking out. It looked like I was in a forest, so I crawled to a tree, then I passed out.

At some point, I guess you could you say I came to, kind of. I heard a voice whispering seemingly to itself. "What is it? Is it... friendly?" I saw a shadow. Oddly shaped at that. Maybe my imagination, I didn't know. I stretched out my hand as a plead for help. I thought it was a terrorist. Had I survived the building collapse? No, impossible. Was this heaven? Whatever was standing by me didn't see my hand as a cry for assistance. It ran off, full speed, seemingly. I laid there and I honestly don't remember much after.

When I woke up, I could clearly see what was going on, in front of me, there was a yellow horse!? I thought, 'Horses aren't yellow... What the hell is going on?' and I closed my eyes pretending to be asleep. Then I heard it speak. "Well, um... Yes, this is... it basically." It had such a subtle voice. So calming. But... but the point was it was talking! Something else spoke, "It looks... Almost like... A pale... Bigger... Less scaly... Not dragon-y... Spike, really." As I pondered what a "Spike" was, I opened my eyes. The yellow horse drew back and made an "eep" sound. I sat in my desert camo clothing and just stared in confusion. I saw 6 horses, all of different colors. One even with a rainbow mane!

The yellow horse was hiding behind a thick tree. I opened my mouth to talk, but nothing came out. Then it occurred to me that when I hit my chest, I must have damaged my lungs. I looked where I landed and saw.. Great. A big ol' rock. I coughed and felt something blocking my windpipe. Not choking me, but preventing speech. I looked out at the crowd of few and tried to show with symbols how I fell and landed on that rock. An orange one spoke. "I think it's trying to say that it fell, and got the wind knocked outta it..." A pink one jumped up and gasped "APPLEJACK! You can read minds!? That's super-awesome!" Then she... it... th- the pink one turned to me and said, enunciating and exaggerating every syllable, "Caan yoouu taaalk liiiike mee?" I nodded. I pointed at my throat and frowned.

The rainbowed one came over to me. "It's got somethin' in its pipe!" She promptly whacked me on the back. I coughed up a pebble and breathed deeply before turning to the cyan/rainbow pony and said, "Well, this 'it' has a name you know." She seemed surprised I spoke just like any others of her kind would. Then again, I was the same way just about 20 seconds ago. She blushed "oh, hehe, sorry. What uh.. is your name? You sound like a guy so... I don't think I need an answer for that." Nervous chatter. My father was a psychiatrist, so I almost knew what that meant. "Uh... Jackson... They call me Jackson... Uh, what about you?"

"I'm Rainbow Dash. These are my friends."

One by one, the horses raised their a hoof and introduced me to them. The orange one spoke with a cowgirl-esque accent, "Howdy, I'm Applejack." The pink one ran over, "Hello! I'm Pinkie Pie! You look weird but cool at the same time! I know we're just gonna be the BEST of friends!" Rainbow, still standing by me, slowly pushed the pink one away with a short scolding, "Pinkie, calm down. Don't wanna scare him or anything." She turned back to me, "Sorry... She just... Is hyper. Really... Really.... Hyper... And the fact that she lives in a bakery called "Sugarcube Corner" doesn't help, if you get what I mean." I laughed it off with a, "Really, it's okay." The purple one gave quite the formal greeting. "Hello. I'm Twilight Sparkle. Pleasure to meet your acquaintance." I  looked back to the tree where the yellow one that had found me was hiding. She slowly came out and in an ever-so-quiet voice said, "hi, i... im fluttershy..." Applejack interrupted, "Her name's Fluttershy, but she's too darn quiet to let anypony know." Anypony?

So they were ponies. This was a dream, I was sure of it. This... Just is impossible. Plain as day, old fashioned IMPOSSIBLE. I thought for a second to myself, 'I'm gonna need to change my lingo to fit in...' I figured, 'Why not test it out now?' I looked at Fluttershy and said, "Don't worry. I won't hurt anypony, I'm not like that. No reason to be scared." Fluttershy walked closer and said, "H... Hi.. I'm sorry. I just. I don't talk a lot." I thought to myself, 'I guess I used it correctly. This isn't that hard.' By now, I knew this was real, which made things easier to believe, yet harder to understand.

The last pony came up. She was white, and her mane notably more stylish than the others, but who was I to blatently SAY that? Either way, she came up broadly, and held up her hoof towards me. She spoke with a rather snooty yet calm queen's English accent, "Well, hello darling. I'm Rarity. Charmed, I'm sure."

"Certainly." I replied.

I could tell this was gonna to be quite the unusual day.