The Mysterious Tale of the Man Who Didn't Do Much

Chapter 21: WHAT!?

"Oh, hell to the no." I muttered, in shock. Twilight was taunting me with the amazing scent of food. Wait... How was it that I could smell it from down here!? Powerful pony nose. Cool yet creepy at the same time. "Twilight, I have no clue how to fly!"

"Try! Or are you scared?"

"How could I be scared? It isn't scary, just hard! C'mon, Twi, this isn't funny!"

"Nope! You gotta learn somehow."

Well, fine. That crazy wants  me to 'try', I'm gonna try. But you know what? When I can't unfurl a single damn wing, I'm going to pretend to die in a corner. make her feel all guilty. As I began to crack my neck to warm up, the thought hit me that it would be hard to stretch my shoulders. You know, the fact that ponies are quadrupeds doesn't help my stretching routine. However, I'm one for a challenge, so what do I do? I try it anyway. I try to move my shoulders down, which is the pony equivalent of backwards. I only managed to move them a little bit, but hey! A little is better than nothing. As I silently cheered myself on, it started to get a little windy, and something touched my leg. I looked down at my leg to see what it was and- MOTHER OF GOD, I'M FLAPPING MY WINGS. I try to move my shoulders again; this time putting more emphasis on my stomach and/or abdomen. I was now hovering a good 5 feet off the ground. Wow, this was... just plain amazing! I would've never dreamed of this in my whole life! Twilight just smiled and held out the food, slowly moving it back and forth. Sadist ponies. With a little more effort, I pumped myself up to the second floor, then higher, to the neck of the roof! Might I add, that is actually pretty high on the tree house. With a final flap, I was on the same level as Twilight. Now came the problem... Turning.

I twisted my wings slightly and turned. This instinct crap is making it too easy! I want a challenge! I want to... Well, I still have to move over to her. I guess that could be a challenge. Seeing as I'm around 20 feet away. Going higher up takes a little bit outta you. But hovering, which is what I was doing, wasn't hard at all, so I just hovered for a minute before trying to fly to Twilight. I tilted my wings forward a tad and flapped a bit. This worked! I was scared of going fast, so I took, like, thirty seconds getting to her. I decided I was going to troll Twilight, so right when my first hoof hit the solid roof, I pretended o slip and fall. I heard a gasp and a shriek, and decided that I should pull up. I flapped once, leveling my balance, then a few more times, powerfully to get back up. As I arose from the side of the house, I put on my best, 'Umad?' face and landed. She punched me in the shoulder and basically reprimanded me for her inability to understand that I was goofing on her. She didn't put it like that though. She hit me in the side, right where I had folded my wings, and screamed at me for making her shriek like a filly. I ow'd at the wing hit, but laughed my butt off at her comment about her screaming. She scowled at me, and a stopped to apologize. She warmed up and smiled, and so did my food! Well, I mean, it didn't smile but... You know what I mean. She handed... (hoofed?) me the food and a took a look at it. Hay and eggs. How on Earth... Erm... Equestria am I going to eat the eggs? "Twilight," I started, "I'm going to sound like a little foal... But how am I supposed to eat this?" Twilight stopped and stared for a minute. Now was her turn to laugh. She fell on her back, laughing and rolled on to her stomach. She finally got up and looked over at me. "Well," she began, "Hay is hoof food. Sort of like fries! Although unicorns see that as impolite, it's not like you pegasi can do anything about that." She looked embarrassed as if she'd insulted me but trudged on, "So, that isn't so hard, although, I'm sure your hands would've helped." I nodded and she continued, "However, eggs. Well, I apologize, you aren't a unicorn, so utensils are a lost cause for you."

"Hey! I'm sure with practice, wings can fill that slot." Twilight looked at me inquisitively but with a hint of entertainment before starting up again, "Okay, well, for now, just put it on bread." She smiled levitated bread from inside the house over to the eggs before pooping them on like a sandwich. It looked appetizing enough. "Now, I think we should get inside." She teleported the food away. "Hey, that better have been ported to a table! I'm starved!"

"Heh- Relax, it was, it was... So just come on down when you're ready." I nodded again and slowly flew down as she teleported inside. Flying wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. Although, I will very much need to practice. I trotted inside and sat down at the table next to my food that was still plenty warm! I quickly dug in to my sandwich, with manners, mind you. It turned out that the eggs here weren't different at all compared to that of Earth's. It was delicious and I tasted a hint of salt. How nice of Twilight. However, the time came when all that was left was the hay. I stared at it for a minute and Twilight seemed to understand why I was so hesitant. "Oh, right. Different species and all. Well, just try it. Tell me what you think." I sighed, but hell, things gotta be done sometimes. I scooped some up and took a bite. It tasted... well, good. I swallowed and turned to Twilight. "This is amazing. I never thought I would eat hay. I think it's because I'm a pony now. Acquired taste, I suppose?"

"Wow. I suppose so. You humans don't eat hay regularly, right? I just made an inference before."

"Well, it was correct, Twi'. Now, though, I think I like this kind of stuff." I looked at her with a face that spelled 'Death' and said, "And I don't crave meat..." She 'eeped' and jump up out of her seat, but caught her leg on something and fell on her back. I tried not to laugh, I really did. I held my breath, bit my tongue, etc... No use whatsoever. "Ahahahaha! I was joking, Twilight! Hahahaha...." She stood up. Furious, from the looks of it. Her frown softened and soon she was laughing. "Seriously, though, Jack... Don't do that to me anymore. It still creeps me out." I nodded and finished my hay. "Wait, Twi'."

"Yeah?"

I cleared my throat and prepped even myself at what I was about to say...

"I want to prank Rainbow Dash." Crazy, I know, but I wanted to do this. Twilight answered in the funniest way possible; like a cheesy 30's movie. She gasped, "But Jackson! You can't-"

"Twilight, I must do this. For the sake of revengence."

"Oh. So that's what this is about!"

"I'm sorry. This is how it has to be." Twilight dramatically looked away. Ya' know, in hindsight, this probably wasn't the best thing for me and Twi' to do. Why, you ask? Spike came down, and saw us arguing. Under the context of the last few things thrown back and forth by Twilight and I, he daringly asked the question, "Hey, Twilight! Whoa, this your coltfriend?" Twilight's face flushed a deep red, and looked at the ground, "No, Sp-"

"As a matter of fact..." I interrupted, putting a British accent. (I'm known to be an amazing mimic.) before getting another blow to my side. Not as hard, though, since subtlety had to be remained. "well, fine..." I whispered, "be that way. I was going to do something but nooo..." Twilight cut me me off this time and replied angrily yet embarrassed, "Ab-absolutely not! That's... That's uh... my friend..." She took a look at my flank. At first, I was all, 'Is she making a move?' That's counterproductive to what claim she just made. Then I saw she was looking at my cutie mark. Learned it in that book a while back. "His name is... uh... Fire Point. He's... great at aiming... things."

"Uh..." Spike muttered, confused, "Okay, Twi', Whatever. Hey, dude. Nice to meet you. I'm Spike." He extended a hand and I extended a hoof. Well, obviously you know what happened next, but how do I put it? We shook hands? No, I have hooves now. Shook hooves? No, he has hands. Ugh, just forget it. "Alright, Mr. Point, maybe I'll see you later. I have to get back to Rarity's."

Now was my turn to be intrusive. "Oh, is she your marefriend?" Spike's reaction was so much like Twilight's. "Well," he began, "don't tell anypony... But I kinda like her." He held a claw to his mouth with an audible "Ssh..." and I just laughed before doing the zipper motion with a hoof. Spike declared his temporary leave as he was off to visit his love and he would be back soon. As he left, I heard a thud and reeled back an inch. As the door opened, I saw Rainbow Dash come in backwards, still talking to a dazed Spike who I'm guessing she bumped in to. "Sorry, pal. I was in a rush. I'll make it up to ya' sometime." She trotted in with her naturally glowing pride sticking to her very persona... wait. Persona? Ponya? Ponysona? Ugh, I swear, this damn language is gonna kill me. She looked around before asked Twilight, "Where's Jack?"

Twilight gave a sly little wink to me when Rainbow wasn't looking and said something I wouldn't ever expect her to say. Something that trolled her harder than I ever could have. "I sent him home."

Dash looked like she was about to cry, but that quickly turned to rage as she stomped a hoof and got ready to charge, "WHAT!?"