The Mysterious Tale of the Man Who Didn't Do Much

Chapter 5: Get to Know Your Enemy

Rainbow muttered something as she laid back down, to go back to sleep, I guess. "Excuse me?" I replied, inquisitively.

"Nothing. I didn't say anything."

"Might as well spill it."

"I didn't say anything!"

"Whatever..." I sighed and continued reading. I must've read for quite some time, because when I was done, I looked through a window and noticed that the sun had gone down a bit, and Rainbow was asleep. It was then that I realized, 'My supplies! What did I do with them!?' I felt around on the floor (Not sure why.) My arm touched something on my back. My backpack! Had I seriously forgotten about it this WHOLE time? Oh man, there must be somethin' in my canteen... I opened it up and found supplies. Dehydrated food, water, lined paper, markers, pencils, a camera, ammo etc... I did a double take. Markers? The urge to draw on that Rainbow one. UGH! So high. I had to resist. It would be so wrong to do, yet...

I had a revenge to fill. I uncapped the marker and twirled it in my hand, staring intently at my target. I caught the marker and held it upright; the tip facing the ceiling. "Jus' do it. Ain't nothin' wrong. I take it she pulled one a' her infamous pranks? Lil' devil, she is." Chuckled a voice from the side of the room. It was the western pony, Applejack. She woke up and saw my ever-so-demonic smile. "Oh! Applejack. I um-"

"You can call me AJ. Mah pals do. I guess you ain't a part of th' group 'til Dash here pulls a fast one on ya'."

"No kidding. Scared the lights outta me." I replied with an exaggerated tone.

"Hehe," AJ laughed, "She's done that ta everypony at some point er another. Jus' be glad it weren't no lightnin' to th' flank." I couldn't help but laugh a little myself. The prankster was getting pranked. How is that NOT funny? Pinkie then woke up and immediately knew what was up. "*gasp* Are you gonna draw on Dashie? That would be sooo funny, cuz' she does that sometimes and she's done it to everypony. Even me! So I guess what I wanna know is can I help?" It was like a rainfall of words. This 'Pinkie Pie' sure could talk. "Uhh," I opened my mouth but stopped talking for a moment, thinking. I resumed after a good 5 seconds. "Sure, you can do that."

I handed... Hoofed? Hoofed her the marker and she took it with her teeth, immediately going to work making shapes, butterflies, among other things she could think of on Dash. AJ looked at Pinkie and laughed at her eagerness, then looked back to me. "Guess she had this comin' fer a while. Don't YOU wanna get back at 'er too?"

"Yes. I do. But I might as well fight one involuntary weakness with another."

"Invulan-what now?"

"Involuntary. Means you can't control it. Think about it. No matter how brave you are, you'll be a bit startled if someone jumps out at you, or scares you."

"This is true. So what, though?"

"Can you think of any other 'involuntary' reactions?" I walked over and poked her belly. She chuckled for a second and realized what I meant. She had the same wicked smile I had when I came to the same strange realization. "Oh, no she ain't..." She said in disbelief. I looked at the bundle on short cyan fur being drawn on by a pink chatter-box and replied, "Well, she is. She would freak if she knew we knew, so keep it on the down-low."

"Well, Ah ain't the best at lying. Y'all oughta know that."

"So don't bring it up, and you won't have to lie." Then the funniest thing I've ever seen happened. Dash woke up while Pinkie was finishing on her right eye, her eyelid flicked the marker up and as it fell, drew a streak down Pinkie's nose. Despite Pinkie drawing on her, Dash laughed her face off again. Pinkie followed suit shortly after. So did me and AJ. The 'lolz' in that room were enough to wake the other 3 ponies and the purple dragon. They saw Pinkie's face and Dash's... Well, everywhere was decorated, so I guess they just saw Dash! They laughed too!

All except for the yellow one who had found me yesterday. She was just laying down, her head buried in her hooves. I walked over and crouched by her. "Something the matter?" I asked, with a caring tone, knowing she was frail. She nodded slowly. That's when I noticed she was shaking somewhat. "You sure?" I asked again, in a soft voice. She lifted her head, and rolled onto her back, in a fit of giggles. I breathed a sigh of relief and walked back over to that previously mentioned bundle and looked down. "Yo Dash. You okay there?" She continued laughing and tried to nod, but went limp and just rolled around kind of. This gave a new definition to "ROTFL". As she did this, I went around to everypony and told them what I told AJ.

When Rainbow Dash was done laughing, (Which took around 10 full minutes.) she asked Applejack what I was talking about. She got nervous and started stalling. I jumped in and said, "Oh nothing, just what had happened to make you laugh so much." Applejack, rather, AJ looked at me with a look that said, 'Thanks a ton.' "Oh..." said Rainbow and glared at Pinkie who ran, only to be chased and tackled and pinned by Dash. I kicked the marker and it rolled over to Dash, who used her tail to flip it up, grab it in her teeth and draw on Pinkie. Pinkie was giggling the whole time. It was cute, but I had a plan. I grabbed a pencil and a piece of paper out of my backpack. I quickly scribbled a note and held it out, it read, "Don't worry, you can help later" and I drew a goofy face with its tongue sticking out at the end. I sneaked around behind Dash and everyone stared, awaiting my next move. Dash caught on and looked back at the crowd. As she realized what was probably (It was) happening, she slowly turned her head. I grabbed her arms and pulled her back, holding her to the ground. "Now!" I shouted and everyone, I mean everyone, even Fluttershy, came forth and covered Rainbow in a massive bunch of pokes and tickles.

"Jackson!" Was all she could choke out before she was overcome with a bombardment of laughter. The moment itself was so sweet, it gave me diabetes. I myself laughed. It was genuine. A little evil, but genuine. Pinkie was rubbing her belly with the squiggly lines on her face that Rainbow had made, Fluttershy held one wing down, Spike had the other. AJ and Twilight held her legs down. "Priceless..." I said, mimicking her from the other night. At some point, Rarity must've been scooted out and was just watching from the back. AJ and Twilight started using the corner of their hooves to poke Rainbow's which only induced more laughter. "Stoppit! Ehehehahahahaha!" She was at tears now. She'd had enough. I calmed everypony down (God, even my sub conscience is saying it.) and looked down at the shaking, struggling, crying of laughter mess under my hands. "You wanna think twice before scaring me?"

"Ye-yes!" She calmed down after a bit, then I let her go. She got up and crawled over to a corner. Twilight spoke up. "Jackson?"

"Please," I looked at AJ, "my friends call me Jack. You're my friends, right?" Twilight gave a chuckle.

"Yes, I suppose we are! So, Jack, mind keeping an eye on Rainbow for a moment? The rest of us need to talk for just a moment and write a letter." Spike interrupted, "Yeah, with the ink that literally took ALL night to get."

"Go right ahead." I replied. I glanced at the shaking Rainbow Dash. As the other girls huddled up, I spoke quietly, "Hey, Dash... What did you say earlier this morning? Before you fell asleep?" She looked up and wiped away what was left of her tears. "I said, 'Get to know your enemy'." She smiled. "I knew you weren't one... But I was gonna be on the lookout. I guess I don't have to be. You're pretty cool. Just don't ever tickle me again..."

"No promises..." I sneered, and she made an "eep"-ish noise. Much like Fluttershy's. "Kidding." I replied. She sighed and went back to sleep.