The Rustling of Twilight's Jimmies 2: Electric Boogaloo

by MarineMarksman

Rating: teen
Tags: Princess Celestia, Alternate Universe, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Cadance, Comedy, Shining Armor, Twilight Sparkle, Random
Length: 1446

Computer's hate Twilight, it seems.

Two days after the Ponyville massacre, Twilight receives a computer from her older brother.

Sadly for everypony involved, he sent her a Mac, when she's a PC user.

This can only end badly.

Published 2013-10-10 12:10:03 UTC
Last updated 2013-10-10 12:10:03 UTC

The Rustling

Twilight gazed out of her window, watching the sun slowly rise through a pair of badass sunglasses that were so powerful that she didn't have worry about being blinded by the suns bright rays.

Not like she gave a fuck, though.

It had been two days since Celestia wiped Ponyville off the planet for heresy against the almighty Xbox 360. In celebration for how much ass was kicked on that day, Celestia gave a Xbox 360 to each Equestrian household and eviscerated multiple ponies arrested for being swagfags on national TV.

Oh, and Twilight was made a princess and she has wings and shit now. Whoopdiefuckingdo.

Twilight magicked up a middle finger to the sun and shut the blinds, turning on her TV and her glorious Xbox 360, and jumped on her luxurious bed, grabbing her controller with her telekinesis and brought it up to her face.

A smile spread across the purple alicorns face as the Halo 3 starting up music started to fill the air. She quickly signed in, booted up the multiplayer, and brought up the snipers playlist.

After several minutes, the game started, and Twilight found herself in the middle of a game on The Pit. She quickly picked up her favorite combo, a SMG with a plasma rifle, and ran into the fray.

The match ended with Twilight t-bagging her last victim, having been responsible for more than half her teams kills. If it wasn't for the fact that MLG discriminated against purple alicorn princesses, she'd probably be a pro.

Their loss.

As the princess prepared for her next match, there was a knock at the door. Twilight groaned in frustration, before angrily flinging the door open with her telekinesis, revealing a startled Royal Guard carrying a large box of shit.

"WHAT?! CAN'T YOU SEE I'M TRYING TO DO SOMETHING IMPORTANT?!"

"Y-yes, your majesty, m-my most sincerest apologies..." the guard said, looking like he was about to drop a deuce right then and there.

"What the fuck do you want, anyways?" Twilight inquired, her eyes narrowing at the guard.

"Y-your brother sent you this... I-I should go."

The guard walked into the princesses bedroom and placed the box down, before promptly getting the fuck out with his tail in between his legs.

Twilight rolled her eyes and hopped off her bed. She produced a large combat knife stylized after the knives seen in Halo: Reach and Halo 4 and went to work, quickly opening the box.

Inside was a computer. A grin spread across her lips as she approached the computer for a closer look.

Then, her grin turned into a deep scowl as she recognized the symbol of an Apple with a bite taken out of it.

"Great. Just fucking great. He sent me a Mac. That hipster faggot." Twilight groaned, facehoofing.

"Oh well... might as well give it a shot."

Whispering a quick prayer to her lord and savior Bill Gates for forgiveness for using an Apple product, she quickly set the computer up besides her trusty Windows 7. She patted the PC reassuringly prior to turning on the Mac. After running through the start up process, she decided to test it out by checking out 4chan.

She looked around for some sort of browser, but found nothing.

"WHAT THE FUCK?!"

She looked around the desktop and decided to open up something called Safari. Twilight soon found that Safari was in fact Apple's shitty excuse for an internet browser. She swore a blood vessel ruptured as Twilight watched the shitty browser take forever to load, despite the fact that she had one of the best connections in Equestria. It opened up Apple.com, where a bunch of stolen ideas and overpriced shit was being advertised.

The princess looked through the advertisements out of boredom, then spotted something that made her blood boil.

It read, 'Microsoft sucks and Bill Gates can suck my dick', a quote from the late Steve Jobs.

She promptly punched her monitor, her hoof easily passing through the shitty Apple product.

"NO!" Twilight exclaimed, before she screeched in anger as she stood, being enveloped by a golden aura fueled by her rage. Her straight, sapphire blue mane turned spikey and golden, her coat turning an identical shade, and her eyes turning a greenish blue color.

With a roar of rage, she fired off a large magic bolt at the Mac, blowing it to bits for it's treachery.

"SHINING ARMOR! YOU'RE FUCKED!" she shouted, before flying through the roof.

Princess Cadance sat upon her crystal throne, casually sipping on some crystal pepsi in a crystal glass. The crystal doors leading into the crystal palaces throne room and in walked Shining Armor, looking more full of himself than usual.

"You certainly look happy." Cadence commented as the prince skipped merrily up to his throne like the faggot he was and took a seat beside her.

"I decided to pull a little prank on Twiley." he said smugly.

"...Shining Armor, what'd you do?" she asked cautiously.

"I sent her a Mac." he responded.

Princess Cadences jaw dropped in shock. She turned to the prince and lurched forward, getting in his face. "DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'VE DONE?!"

"W-what?" the prince asked, suddenly frightened by his wifes sudden change in demeanor.

"YOU'VE DOOMED US ALL!" she shouted into his face with the force of a thousand menstruating bitches, before pulling back and rubbing her temples, "Dear Celestia, for somepony named Shining Armor, you certainly know how to fuck up worse than anypony else in Equestria."

"Come on, honey, there is no way that she will-"

"SHINING ARMOR!" a screech came from outside. The two royals pupils turned into pinpricks as part of the ceiling above them collapsed and fell to the ground, kicking up a large cloud of dust. They coughed as their lungs were assaulted by the dust, and were able to make a pony shaped blob standing atop the rubble.

As the dust cleared, it was revealed that this blob was none other than Princess Twilight Sparkle, who was literally glowing with power.

"T-Twilight... are you alright...?" Princess Cadance asked cautiously.

Twilight aimed her horn at the pink alicorn and fired a large magical beam at her, incinerating her almost instantly.

"HOLY SHIT!" Shining Armor exclaimed, watching his wife get replaced by a pile of dust, "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!"

The enraged princess ignored his query, slowly marching towards him. "...brother... you betrayed me..." she snarled menacingly.

"Twilight... it was just a joke."

"By order of the Princess of Magic, you have committed heresy against our lord and savior Bill Gates. Your punishment is death. How do you plead?" Twilight asked.

"TWILEY, HAVE MERCY! FORGIVE ME!"

"Celestia forgives, I don't." Twilight said, before charging at the prince.

"NONONONONONONONONO-"

Twilight jumped up and rider kicked Shining Armor in a nearby wall, breaking almost half of the bones in his body. Before he could even realize what happened, Twilight was upon him, pounding on him with a mixture of punches and kicks.

Satisfied she had dealt Shining Armor the appropriate punishment, she pulled away from her brothers crippled body, before lurching forward and impaling him with her horn.

Shining Armor twitched for a few seconds before he breathed his last breath and went completely limp. Twilight let his corpse fall to the ground. She examined his corpse, before delivering one final swift kick to the stomach.

The princess then lifted off the ground and flew through the roof, quickly ascending high above the Crystal Kingdom. She stopped and faced the kingdom, aiming her horn downwards at the center of the kingdom.

"Miiiiiiiiii..." she began, her horn glowing a light purple.

"Crooooooooooo..." this glow became brighter and brighter as she channelled more and more power into it.

"SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOFT!" she exclaimed, unleashing her power upon the Crystal Kingdom. The citizens of the Crystal Kingdom looked up and spotted their impending doom. Before they could even blink, they were obliterated. Within seconds, the Crystal Kingdom was reduced to a smoldering crater.

"TWILIGHT SPARKLE!"

Twilight turned around as her power faded, her blonde mane and coat returning to their normal colors and her eyes turning back to their normal violet coloration as she turned to the source of the voice.

Their floated Princess Celestia, glaring angrily at her protege.

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!" she demanded.

"He gave me a Mac, I punched him in the sack." she said, quoting something she saw on Iron Will's new show, 'How Not To Be a Whiney Cunt'.

"BUT THEY ALL WEREN'T RESPONSIBLE."

"It doesn't matter..." Twilight said, looking down upon the smoldering crater.

"They were just a shitty plot device..." she said.

"True... true..."