A Life Worth Living

by InfiniteBrony

Rating: teen
Tags: Tragedy, Big Macintosh, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Sad, Romance
Length: 7833

Everyone dies. But does everyone truly live?

Everyone dies. We all know this, it is a simple and inescapable fact. Whether we want to or not, we are all going to die some day.

Everyone dies. But does everyone truly live?

They say that just before you die, your whole life flashes before your eyes. Is it worth watching?

(Originally a February Write Off entry. Has since been revised.)
{CURRENTLY UNDER MAJOR RECONSTRUCTION}

Published 2012-03-06 18:23:25 UTC
Last updated 2012-03-08 20:41:52 UTC

A Life Worth Living

My name is Macintosh Apple and I am about to die. I can feel the white hot flames ripping through me, tearing my flesh from bone. It won't be long now.

I am not happy that I have to die, but neither do I regret the decision that put me in this situation. I've been the unofficial protector of Ponyville for a long time now; I knew that this day would come eventually. If I'm going to die than at least I can take this... this... monster with me.

Ever since that strange fire in the Everfree Forest this weird thing has been attacking Ponyville non-stop. Too many ponies have been hurt by it already and I am going to stop it, no matter what. I promised that I would do anything to protect those I love and an Apple always keeps his promises.

I'm sure if Twilight Sparkle were here then she could do something about it with her fancy magic but she isn't. She and the rest of the bearers of the Elements of Harmony are on a much-needed vacation somewhere near Manehattan right now. At least my sister won't have to see me die.

They say that just before you die your whole life flashes before your eyes. I guess they were only half right. It wasn't quite an entire re-cap of everything that happened to me that I saw but instead more of a highlight reel of all my life's most important moments. And they weren't in any kind of discernible order either.

Each moment flew by me in an almost incomprehensible jumble, all of them from seemingly random points in time, and yet I was still somehow able to see and understand every little detail as I re-lived the memory.

*~-/^-~*

For the past several days my father had become just as sick as my mother. He had always been large and imposing, unbreakable in his will and iron in his resolve, the proverbial rock on which our family was founded. But now his frame was wilted and withered, all the life drained from his body and the seemingly immutable presence that had once seemed to hang thick in the air around him had long since disappeared. He looked as if the slightest touch might cause him to collapse into dust and a slight breeze would blow him away. It was soul-crushing to see.

Our mother had been battling the same mysterious disease for a long time, and now it had him too. We knew it was only a matter of time. Both of them slowly got worse and worse, the life fading from them day by day as the strange illness took its toll. I begged and prayed every night for them to get better, to fight off the debilitating ailment, but I knew it was hopeless.

Late one night my father called me over to his bedside. He knew that it wasn’t much longer now and there was one last thing he felt he had to tell me before the reaper claimed him. "Now listen here, Macintosh, ya ain’t a little colt no more. You’re growing into a fine young stallion but Ah’m afraid you’re just gonna hafta finish growing up a bit sooner." His eyes were glazed over and unfocused, and yet the intensity of his gaze rooted me to the spot. I just looked at him expectantly and he continued. "You’re gonna need ta look after the girls for me, alright?"

I simply nodded, not trusting myself to speak due to the many emotions clogging my throat. He began coughing deeply, and a moment passed before he stopped and caught his breath so he could speak again. "Ah’m sorry it has ta be this way. As grown as ya are, you’re still too young ta hafta deal with this kinda thing. Nopony should hafta go through this.” He took a moment to catch his wheezing breath before going on. “Ya hafta be strong now, an’ not just for yourself but for your sisters too. They look up ta ya, an’ you’re gonna hafta be there for 'em. Because Ah won’t be."

He began to tear up at this point, myself having done so a while ago. "Ah’m sorry ta put all this on ya, but I know ya can do it." He took a few deep raspy breaths, his weakened lungs straining in effort, before wheezing out some of the last words he would ever speak, "You’re gonna be a great stallion someday, Macintosh. Even a blind ol’ codger like me can see that. Ah’m just sad Ah won’t get ta see it for mahself. Just remember - no matter what happens, Ah’ll always be proud of ya, Son."

Unable to contain myself, my emotions surged forth and I hugged him gingerly, careful with his now delicate and fragile form. He returned the gesture with what meager amounts of his once vast strength remained and we embraced in silence for a moment before he spoke again, "Your mother wants ta talk ta ya too. Go ta her." Reluctantly I released him and turned to face the opposite bed where my mother lay.

She was even worse and more sickly then my father; all the color seemed drained from her face and her once vibrant coat and mane were almost as dull and listless as her eyes. Her skin was stretched taut against her near skeletal frame, giving her an air of living death. Despite her condition she smiled when I approached.

"Look at you, Macintosh, you went and got all big and handsome on me when I wasn't looking, now didn't you?" she joked, chuckling weakly. I couldn't help but smile back at her; even in the face of her own mortality my mother was the sort of kind and gentle mare that would always try to soothe those around her, doing her best to make everypony smile while never losing her own. And I loved her for it.

"Eeyup. Sorry 'bout that," I joked back softly with an ever-so-faint smile on my lips, even now still subject to the infectious cheerfulness she always seemed to carry around.

She just smiled even harder and in a strained voice said, "You know Big Mac, you have such a nice and gentle voice. It's a shame you don't use more often." Her eyelids were starting to sag under the weight of her exhaustion but her smile never faltered. "I feel real sleepy. I'm so very tired. Big Mac?"

"Eeyup?"

"Why don't you sing me our special lullaby, hm? Just one last time," she asked tenderly, still smiling.

"Of course, Mom," I said, nuzzling her cheek, half to comfort her and half to hide the tears in my eyes. I didn't want her to see me cry. I cleared my throat and began to sing.

"The sun has gone down, and the moon has come up; listen, listen and hear the night a-calling.

Drink now the broth of dreams, from an over flowing cup; have happy thoughts and sweet dreams my darling.

Wind beneath your wings you can fly through the sky; over hills and trees and valleys you go.

Stars around as you soar so high; find a perfect glade down below.

In a silver lake you see the moon so bright; so calm, so beautiful, so new.

Lost in a wonderland, it shines with heaven's light; rise on white feathered wings, you know just what to do.

Sleep now my angel, I love you."

My mother had fallen asleep now, her smile faint but still there. I turned to see my father sleeping as well.

I tried to hold back the tears but I may as have well tried to move the sun. I wasn't a fool, I knew why they called me in here to talk to them tonight. It was no secret that they weren't going to make it through the night. I had put them to sleep knowing full well that they would never wake up again.

The tears cascaded down my cheeks in rivulets, falling from my muzzle and forming a small pool at my hooves. I absently tried to wipe away my tears with the back of my hoof before kissing them both on the cheek before saying two final words. "I’m sorry."

*~-/^-~*

That was the night I was forced to grow up. I had always been pretty mature for my age but that night marked the true end of my foal-hood. I didn't resent it though, that was just the way things were.

Apple Bloom had been just a foal then; she never really knew them. Poor Applejack had taken it the hardest. It was almost a month before she would even speak to anypony, and even then she would still cry herself to sleep almost every night.

But time heals all wounds, even those of the heart, and eventually she got over it too. Our lives continued even if theirs didn't. Even if those around us die, there will always be things that make life worth the struggle.

My next memory showed me just one reason why life is worth living.

*~-/^-~*

I forgot everything in that moment. The uncomfortable tightness of my suit, the opulent decorations, the vast multitude of ponies present, everything. It all disappeared the moment I saw her walking down the aisle towards me. She looked absolutely beautiful in every way.

Her dress cascaded down the gentle curves of her body like the first freshly-fallen virgin snows of winter, her veil of flowers intertwining with her mane and framing her face perfectly. Her steps were light and graceful as she walked, her hooves seeming to almost hover above the rose petals that lay scattered along her path. Her gait was slow and deliberate, neither too fast nor too slow. Every time she took a step the radiant sunlight would catch in the material of her clothes and it would sparkle a myriad of different colors, almost as if the very air around her was dancing. The flowing train of her dress trailed behind her, the delicate material held aloft by the slightest breeze.

It was both an eternity and no time at all before she reached the altar and stood beside me. She was only a hoof’s breadth from me now and I could see every minute and exquisite detail about her: the soft twinkle in her eyes, the faint scent of roses and lilacs that always pervaded the air around her, the delicate curve of her lips.

She was a vision of grace and beauty, a lucid dream come to life. She was perfect. She was mine.

This thought caused a lump of emotion to stick in my throat and a faint tear to form in the corner of my eye. I blinked it away, not wanting to ruin this perfect moment. I stared deep into her cerulean eyes and lost myself in them, savouring their kind and gentle depths.

"I do," she said in a voice so kind and sweet I could have sworn the very air around me burst into a silent symphony. The same question she had just answered was put to me then, and despite the fact that the Reagent of the Sun herself presided over our union, I could not tear my gaze away from the mare in front of me when I responded.

"Ah do."

"Very well," Celestia said with a warm smile in her voice, "I now pronounce you mare and colt. You may kiss the bride."

And I did just that.

*~-/^-~*

I had never been quite so happy as I was that day. It did end up being the second happiest day of my life after all.

I have a good many regrets about my life, but marrying my wife is not one of them. I loved her more than anything and I still do. I had always said I would die for her and I guess now I get to prove it. I just wish we could have had more time together.

My next memory was of a far darker nature.

*~-/^-~*

The rain was cold and relentless as it beat against me, drowning out the clopping of my hooves and sapping the warmth from my limbs. My instincts told me to find shelter and get out from under the oppressive torrent but I won't - I deserve this.

A part of me wants to run home and never leave again, just like it always does. But I can't. I can't go back now, not after what I did.

I'm a monster, I think to myself. I'd found myself repeating the same three words quite often; they had almost become a mantra.

A sudden clap of thunder and flash of lightning echoed amongst the tall trees of my surroundings and cast sharp and wicked shadows all around, almost as if the sky itself agreed with my unspoken sentiment.

The pointed shadow of a nearby branch danced across the path in front of me, looking like a claw ready to strike. I stopped dead in my tracks as it caused unpleasant memories to surface, things I wish I could forget.

The blood on my hooves, the sound of snapping bones, the cries of pain. But the worst of all was the look of horror everypony had given me. They were afraid of me, and they had every right to be. I was a monster.

The rustling of a nearby bush snapped me out of my musings. I turned to see several pairs of bright yellow eyes staring at me from behind the trees. I tensed up my body in preparation to defend myself as a pair of wild timber wolves emerged from the shadows.

I could plainly see the thinness of their frames; they were obviously starving. I doubt they would have shown themselves to me otherwise. They stalked towards me. I lowered my head and snorted while pawing the ground as if in preparation to charge, trying to intimidate them so that they would perhaps leave me alone and move on. I had no such luck.

The wolves were unimpressed with my display and they continued to advance, splitting up so as to flank me. I sighed. I had hoped it would not come to this.

As soon as one of them came close enough I leaped towards it and pivoted in mid-air, forcing my hind legs out in a powerful buck that caught it square in the chest. I was rewarded with a loud yelp and the feeling of branches snapping under-hoof as the wolf was propelled back into the underbrush.

The other one had rushed towards me as soon as I had pounced and was now too close for me to safely turn and buck it with my hind legs. It reared up and swiped at me with its wooden paws, trying its best to rip my flesh.

Unfazed, I ducked and rolled to the side, shoving my fore-hoof forcefully into its side as I stood back up. Still standing on only its hind legs the force of my strike broke the timber wolf’s balance and it toppled over.

I wasted no time in pouncing onto its prone form, pinning the wooden canine to the ground and bringing my fore-hooves down repeatedly upon its head and neck. It tried to throw me off but I held steady as I slowly beat it to the point of unconsciousness. Its struggles grew less and less fervent and finally stopped completely as the cracking of bones and branches sounded loudly while its head twisted sharply to the side.

I stood over the broken corpse, panting as I looked down at its devastated muzzle. Most of its wooden flesh was splintered and broken, the ragged bones visible beneath a growing pool of blood and sap. I knew I should feel appalled at the sight but it had long since ceased to affect me. I had become jaded, hard and despondent towards the world around me. Idly I wondered just what that said about my character.

Before I could become too consumed with my thoughts a snarl sounded behind me and I felt a sudden weight on my back. Cursing myself for not making sure the other wolf was dead before turning my back, I tried to buck it off before it could sink its fangs into my neck.

It did its best to hang on, digging its claws deep into my hide, but eventually I managed to knock it loose. Its efforts were not entirely in vain however as I felt its claws leave large bloody furrows in my back as it slid off.

It collapsed to the ground immediately, its energy spent on its failed final attempt to bring me down. Eyeing me pitifully from the ground it let out a small whimper and kicked its legs feebly. It looked me dead in the eye with an expression of fear and helplessness that seemed to speak the words ‘Please... help me.’

With cold indifference I walked over to its prone form and reared up. Knowing what was coming next it let out a frightened whimper and tried to back away. Without the slightest hesitation I brought my hooves down with tremendous force, caving the wolf's skull and killing it instantly.

I looked down at the bits of bone and brain matter scattered on the ground in front of me and felt... nothing. No that’s not quite right - I felt disgusted, but at myself. No regular pony would have done the kind of thing I just did.

This thought caused me to chuckle darkly. I guess that’s because I'm not a regular pony, I thought to myself.

I'm just a monster.

*~-/^-~*

That was perhaps the darkest time of my life. I don't remember everything about the time I spent wondering the depths of the Everfree Forest and the lands beyond but I do know that it changed me.

I spent longer in there than anypony ever had before. Many days and nights I walked its leafy roads, wallowing in my own self-hate, too afraid to return home. I truly did become just what I thought of myself as - a monster.

My next memory was considerably more happy, and almost an exact contrast to the previous one.

*~-/^-~*

The stars twinkled faintly overhead and the full moon cast everything in a silvery tinge as I made my way through the glade. I reached up to reassure myself of the presence of the diamond hidden within the ever-present yoke around my neck as I came closer to the tree at the crest of the hill on which I walked.

Sitting beneath the leafy boughs of the cherry tree, framed by the moonlight, sat my beloved. The bright pink sakura blossoms fell from the tree and fluttered lightly on the gentle spring time breeze, whirling around the beautiful mare's similarly colored mane, giving her other-worldly allure.

She was facing away from me, looking up at the resplendent moon, and did not notice my approach. When she finally did notice my presence she let out a small squeak of fright, her wings involuntarily spreading in preparation for a hastened escape.

I let out a soft chuckle at her unnecessary and exaggerated reaction and she calmed immediately upon recognizing me. She quickly closed the distance between us and nuzzled my neck affectionately.

I did the same to her, inhaling the intoxicating scent of her mane. She smelt very much like one of the many delicate flowers she so strongly reminded me of. We embraced in silence for a while before she leaned away and looked up at me with her deep blue eyes.

"Big Mac..." she started to say before I silenced her by pressing my lips against her own. I kissed her deeply and passionately, and she was not hesitant in returning it without even a trace of the timidity that she was so well known for. I kissed her greedily, our tongues battling for dominance as we sat embracing each other beneath the stars.

After a moment I pulled away, panting slightly. "Ah love you," I said quietly.

She smiled brightly and in a whisper said, "I know. I love you too." The warmth and kindness in the statement was no less apparent despite the lack of volume. I brushed a stray lock of her bright pink mane out of her face and simply drank in her beauty.

Every time I even so much as thought about her a blaze of emotion would flare to life in my chest, but now that I had her here, alone and under the stars, the flames roared into a towering inferno of passion that threatened to consume my very being.

In silent agreement we both walked over to the cherry tree and sat side by side beneath its blossoms, simply admiring the ardent beauty around us. As always she seemed to draw my gaze like a lodestone; the world around me faded as I took in her delicate form.

The cascade of her mane around her face, the lithe grace that permeated her whole body, the subtle and elegant curve of her feathers -- Everything about her drove me to insanity with the strength of my feelings for her.

I loved her more than anything I ever had before or, I was sure, I ever would. And so I had decided to finally do what came next.

Slowly she turned away from the stars in the sky and looked at me, a single question loosening from her perfect lips, "Big Mac, why did you want me to meet you out here tonight?" My heart started beating fast and erratically, my nerves causing my legs to quiver. But nevertheless, I smiled at her and slowly rose to my hooves, my eyes never leaving hers. Hesitantly she did the same, and I turned to face her directly.

I took a few deep breaths to steady my nerves. "Fluttershy, you make me happier than Ah ever have been before. Ah love you with all mah heart, an' Ah wanna spend the rest of mah life trying ta make you as happy as you've made me," I said while bending my left fore-leg and taking a knee.

Her eyes flew wide with understanding and she let out a surprised gasp as I pulled out the hidden diamond band. Staring deep into her eyes I saw the whole of the night sky reflected in them, the stars twinkling like a dusting of diamonds while the moonlight painted her features with a soft silver glow.

Slowly and deliberately I asked her the fateful question, "Fluttershy, will you marry me?"

Blinking away happy tears, she held her hooves to her mouth in surprise before leaping to embrace me and shouting a single uncharacteristically loud exclamation.

"YES!"

*~-/^-~*

We made love under the moon and stars that night. I truly loved her, and when she agreed to marry me I was the happiest I had been since before my mother and father died.

I had always been quiet and secluded, shying away from those who tried to get close to me. But she was different. She was able to break me out of my shell and truly make me live. And I loved her more than anything.

That’s why the memory that came next was perhaps the hardest to re-live.

*~-/^-~*

I was dumbstruck, in shock. The initial adrenaline rush had long since worn off and I was now being forced by my own mind to try and come to grips with what happened. But I couldn't. I just couldn't believe or understand how or why such a thing could happen. I had seen everything and been unable to do anything about it. The blood, the talons, the screams, the maniacal laughte; it all ran through my head, none of it falling into place long enough for me to really understand or accept what had happened.

All I could do was vehemently deny the very existence of the event. My whole world was threatening to upend itself and I just couldn't cope with it. I felt numb and lost.

Vaguely and quietly I heard a voice talking, sounding ever so distant to me in my shocked state. Dimly I realized it was a doctor talking but his voice sounded weak and muffled, as if it came from far away - I could only pick up small bits of his speech here and there, "Not good... massive lacerations... any later and ... three broken ribs... unconscious... child might not make it... coma... internal hemorrhaging... blood loss... might never fly again..."

Eventually his voice became tuned out completely as cold dread gripped me. Fear and despair clawed icily at my heart as the crushing weight of my guilt came upon me. I couldn't do it, I realized. I couldn't save her. I couldn't either of them. This is my fault. I didn't protect her. I failed.

My vision began to blur as guilty tears sprang to my eyes. I had broken my promise to protect those I care about. I'm weak and pathetic, I thought to myself as tears of self-loathing slid down my cheek.

But slowly I began to realize something else. Him, I growled internally as I thought back to the culprit. He did this! I roared in my mind as I thought of the one who attacked her and felt an angry heat form in my chest. I'll get him for this, I vowed to myself as I rose silently to my hooves, my face set in a steel mask of determination.

I walked solemnly out of the hospital and began to search for the one who did this. Many a pony called out to me in greeting but I ignored them all, so single-minded in finding him that I hardly even heard them.

My search did not last for much longer and I halted in my tracks as I found who I was looking for. There he was, just walking casually down Market Street as if nothing had happened. I guess that since there were no witnesses he could just walk away scott-free. The silent fire of anger in my chest erupted into a roaring inferno of pure rage, causing me to tremble with barely contained fury.

His talons clacked against the cobblestones in sharp contrast to the soft padding of his rear lion legs as he walked down the street, oblivious to my presence. I walked up to him slowly, pushing through the thick crowd as if it wasn't even there and shaking uncontrollably with each step.

Once I reached him he finally noticed me and a look of recognition spread across his face. "Oh hey, I know you, you're with her aren't you?" He asked, causing me to grit my teeth and my ears to pop under the herculean effort of keeping myself in check. Noticing the fire in my eyes he smirked and asked, "What, you want to start something?"

I felt one of the cobblestones under-hoof crack from the sheer downward pressure I was putting on it in an effort to keep my limbs under control. Taking my trembling and continued silence as submission his smirk widened into a grin and he taunted, "Why don't you just run back to your weak little bit-"

He never got to finish his sentence because that’s when I lost it. I pivoted around on my forelegs and launched an unrestrained buck directly to his chest.

Normally when I buck a tree I hold back and kick with one leg, causing every fruit in the tree to fall. If I buck a tree with both legs I usually end up ripping the whole thing right out of the ground. It turns out if I buck a griffin with both legs though, they end up flying clear across the town square and impact the wall of a shop hard enough to shatter the nearby window.

I charged and reached him just as he got back to his feet. He raised his claws to defend himself as I barreled into him but it was a futile effort. He dug his talons deeply into my back as I slammed him repeatedly back into the wall, myself completely oblivious to the pain and only focused on hurting him as much as possible. I was only dimly aware of the large gashes on my back and sides as he relentlessly clawed at any piece of me he could reach and laid open my flesh.

Eventually the wall gave way to the ceaseless pounding and collapsed. As we fell through it I landed on top of him and managed to pin his talons against his sides, leaving him defenseless. He looked up at me with fear in his eyes and tried to beg for mercy.

Unfortunately for him my rage had consumed me, wholly and utterly, and his pleas fell on deaf ears. I began to slam my hooves repeatedly into him, revelling in the sensation of snapping bones and his shrieks of agony. I pounded and pounded, over and over again, releasing my fury onto his quivering form. He struggled weakly and in vain to escape my wrath but I never let up, not even when the blood began to splatter against the stones around us. Eventually though, he stopped struggling and my rage cooled.

Panting, I looked down at his broken form. His face had become an unrecognizable mess and several of his bones, including one of his legs, looked broken. Blood coated his head, chest and feathers, as well as my hooves. He didn't seem to be breathing. I let out a tired sigh that rocked my whole frame.

A choked sob sounded from behind me and I finally remembered I wasn't alone. I turned around and what I saw made my heart drop.

Almost all of Ponyville stood in the town square, simply staring at me with looks of open shock and fear. Worst of all though was little Apple Bloom, who stood not a scant few feet away, a look of pure terror on her face and tears spilling from her eyes. I reached towards her to try and tell her it was okay but as I lifted my blood covered hoof she let out a frightened scream and ran away in blind panic.

I looked down at my hoof and for the first time I noticed just how bloody it was. Slowly, and with a sense of dread I began to realize just what I had done. Tears leapt unbidden to my eyes and bile rose in my throat as I hung my head in shame. Nopony said a word as I stood up and ran away as fast as my legs would take me.

Vaguely, I noticed the houses and stores around me give way to the leaves and branches of the Everfree Forest but I was too preoccupied to care. A single thought repeated itself over and over again in my head as I ran - I'm a monster.

*~-/^-~*

That was the single most regrettable day of my life. I'm not proud of what I did. I'd do anything to protect those I care about and when there just wasn't anything that I could do - I lost it.

I went out of control and did horrible things. I still don't forgive myself, and now it seems I never will. The worst of it, though, had been the look in Apple Bloom’s eyes. That look haunted me for the rest of my life.

My next memory was of several weeks later and of something infinitely more pleasant.

*~-/^-~*

It had been a long time since I last stood before the building in front of me. I had been running for so long that I had almost forgotten why I started running in the first place. Almost.

Standing here, now, brought back everything I had tried so hard to leave behind. But unlike last time I didn't feel ashamed. I didn't feel ashamed, or horrified or disgusted or anything. In fact I didn't feel anything at all. All the time I had spent wondering the wilderness had hardened me, and I no longer felt emotions.

I had no fear, no pain, no hate, no joy. Nothing. All I had left to me was the drive to keep moving, the need to keep going, to do. I never thought anymore, just did. But that was enough for me. In fact that was why I was where I was now.

I didn't decide where I was going any more, I just went where my hooves took me. And they took me here. I didn't understand but I didn't question it either. Something deep in my bones had told me that this is where I needed to be and so here I was.

Acting on the incessant drive that fueled me I pushed open the doors and walked inside. What greeted me was a sight I never thought I'd see again.

There, sitting in the hospital's foyer was five of Ponyville's most prominent ponies: Twilight Sparkle, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, and even my sister Applejack. It seemed they were all here. All except her.

They all looked up when they heard the door open, and gasped when they saw me. They all stared in open-mouthed shock as they took in my scarred and hardened physique and my lifeless eyes. It seemed to take them a moment to even register what they were seeing. When they did though they did one of the last things I expected.

Instead of screaming and running away in fear and terror they got up and ran to my side. I was taken aback by their unexpected reaction and even more so when they all began to speak at once. They all asked me questions, seeming happy, curious and relieved. Applejack even looked like she was about to cry.

I knew that I should have been happy, that I should have embraced them and been overjoyed that they weren't terrified of a monster like me. But I wasn't. I had stopped feeling such things a long while ago, when my heart had turned to stone.

Their words fell on deaf ears and in fact did not even register with me at all as I silently walked through their midst. They seemed surprised when I pointedly ignored them and continued walking. But I didn't care. I wasn't sure why I was here but it wasn't because of them. The feeling in my bones told me to keep going, that I wasn't there yet.

The girls followed behind me as I wordlessly walked down the hall, simply going where my hooves took me, like always. Eventually I stopped in front of an unassuming door and the girls let out a surprised gasp at my particular choice.

The driving feeling in my bones was stronger then ever before now, causing my body to tremble with the force of it. Whatever it was that I had been led here to see, it was without a doubt on the other side of this door. I was shaking with anticipation as I slowly pushed the door open. Again, what greeted me was something I never thought to see.

Laying half-asleep in a bed was her. The last time I had seen her I had all but been certain that was going to die. But now here was my wife, looking tired and a little drained but none the worse for the wear.

I knew that I should have been surprised, ecstatic even, but I wasn't. Unfourtionatly, my emotions still failed me; I was incapable of feeling anything at all.

When she saw me her eyes grew wide and she let out a surprised gasp. She even started rubbing her eyes as if to make sure I wasn't some sort of hallucination. I calmly walked over to her, my eyes still showing nothing but cold indifference and she began to tear up. Once I reached her she threw her fore-legs around my neck and embraced me, letting out sobs of joy on my shoulder. I held her; allowing her the comfort of releasing all her pent up emotion on me.

When she was done she lay back against her pillows and for the first time I noticed the small bundle of cloth in her lap. Seeing my gaze she put on the single biggest smile I had ever seen grace her perfect face and lifted away the corner of the fabric. What it revealed made my breath catch in my throat.

There, laying in a wrapping of cloth was a butter-yellow earth pony colt with a sandy-orange mane.

In an instant it hit me. When that griffon had attacked her she hadn't lost the baby like I had thought. Right here in front me was my firstborn child - my son.

She picked him up and held him out to me. Gingerly, and ever so gently, I took him from her and held him close. He woke up then and looked up at me with bright blue eyes. A little grin spread over his face. With almost deliberate slowness, he reached out with a tiny little hoof and placed it on my nose.

Muscles that had gone unused for a good while came to life and I felt myself doing something I had not done in quite a long time: I smiled. Looking down at this colt - at my son - I finally felt something. As I held him my heart finally melted.

Tears fell from my eyes as emotions that had long been held at bay behind walls of stone in my heart surged forth and overflowed my body. Never before had I felt such sheer joy, such overwhelming, overpowering love. I knew what I held was precious and I never wanted to let it go.

Grinning from ear to ear and my heart overflowing with love I spoke my first words to my son, "Good morning, my angel. I love you."

*~-/^-~*

That was the single happiest day of my life.

Afterwords I learned that I had not killed the griffin like I thought, and when it was discovered how he had attacked Fluttershy he was subsequently arrested after getting out of the hospital. After speaking to Twilight I also learned that the driving feeling in my bones was my earth pony magic, which apparently only ever manifests itself in times of desperation.

Perhaps the best part about that night though, aside from the birth of my son and reuniting with my wife, was that everypony forgave me for what I had done. They didn't like it, but they understood why I did it and that was enough for them to not hold it against me. I would never be able to forgive myself for what I did, but as long as I had my family and my friends I could live with it.

It seems that at this point my memories finally caught up with me.

*~-/^-~*

I had just finished dragging Lyra's unconscious and bloody body inside the nearest building when it grabbed me. I could feel the icy claws sinking into my flesh as it easily dragged me from the open doorway and into the street. With a casual display of raw power it flung me against the stone-work of the building with an almost practiced ease.

With a sickening crunch I smashed into the wall and fell to the ground in a tangle mess of limbs. Slowly, and with the jerking movements that could only be obtained by creatures with quite so many legs, it walked towards me. The strange, half walking, half slithering gait it possessed was somewhat mesmerizing and I had to force myself to look away as I rose to my hooves.

It looked at me with the mismatched array of reds and yellows that were supposed to be eyes and almost seemed to laugh at me as my knees trembled with fatigue. It closed the distance between us and reached out with its fore-limbs in another attack. Thinking quickly, I dodged under the strike and rushed towards its squat body. Before it had time to react I delivered a swift buck to its chin.

Its head was snapped back and the entire front half of its serpentine body was forced off the ground by the strength of my kick as it howled in pain. I smirked, happy to have caused some damage. Before I could celebrate it reared up, using the back half of its body to support itself like a snake and opened its maw. With a sound akin to metal scraping metal it unleashed a torrent of bright blue flames.

I managed to throw myself to the side just before the flames slammed against the cobblestones where I had stood a moment before. The inferno bathed the stones before it closed its jaw, ceasing the flow of flames. Even after mere seconds of exposure the stones were blackened and smoldering from the intensity of the heat.

I gulped, afraid, but not for myself. We were in the middle of town and this thing was definitely dangerous. A lot of ponies had gotten hurt already. It seemed almost malicious in its intents and destruction; I had personally seen it rip poor Derpy's wings right off her body. I couldn't keep fighting it here in the middle of town. I had to lure it away.

I was brought out of my contemplation by another clawed appendage reaching towards me. Thinking fast and acting almost on instinct, I grabbed the limb when it came close and bent one of the claws backwards as hard as I could. I was rewarded with the sound of snapping bone and a yowl of pain as it withdrew the now mangled limb.

Thinking on my hooves, I began to run down the street while shouting random obscenities at it. Enraged by both my attack and insults it chased me, just like I wanted it to.

I led it on a wild pursuit, always just a step ahead and getting ever closer to the edge of town where I could fight it without fear of anypony else getting caught in the cross-fire. I was halfway through town when I realized it had stopped following me and I heard something that made my blood run cold.

"Daddy, help!"

I skidded to a stop and turned around to see just what I feared. There, standing in front of Sugercube Corner, it was rearing over a small butter-yellow colt with its mouth open wide.
"No!" I screamed in utter defiance of the scene. Without thinking I ran towards them and I felt something welling up inside of me, something I hadn't felt in a good while. It was a primal feeling, something that told me not to think but just do. I realized what it was and tapped into it just as I reached them.

I slammed into its sides as the screeching of metal-on-metal hit my ears. It tried to twist around and unleash the fire on me instead but its breath was cut short as we smashed into the wall of Sugercube Corner with enough strength and momentum to go right through. We landed in a pile of wood, metal, pipes, and pastries and I realized we had crashed right through into the kitchen.

We were both dazed from crashing through the wall and it took a moment to become fully aware of our surroundings. Unfortunately it came around a moment sooner than I did and was already preparing another gout of flames when I came to.

I braced myself to dodge like before but at that moment a small sandy-orange maned head peeked into the hole I had made. "Daddy! Are you alright?!" he asked with a voice full of concern, drawing its attention just as the bright blue fire roared into existence. Without hesitation, I threw myself in between my son and the flames.

I bit back a howl of agony as I both felt and smelled the flesh being seared off my back. The flames fell all around me, splashing against stones and setting the timber around us on fire but my child stayed untouched in my protective embrace. It snapped its jaws shut with an audible clack of fangs-on-fangs and the river of fire ceased abruptly.

I looked down at my son and said one word to which he dutifully complied. "Run." Going as fast as his little legs could take him, he soon disappeared from sight.

Rising shakily to my feet, I turned to face it. The fire had spread, and it stood in the midst of it, looking like a demon from the deepest pits of Tartarus. It released an insidious not-quite-laugh as I trembled in agony. Unable to support myself, I fell to one knee, which only seemed to make it laugh even harder. I'm not going to make it, I realized. Even if I kill it now I'm just too wounded to live through this. I'm going to die fighting this thing.

Anger suddenly welled up inside of me, and I pushed all of my pain to the side. Well, if I'm going to die,then I'm sure as hell going to take that thing with me! I silently vowed.

I lowered my head and charged one final time.

*~-/^-~*

The events that happened after that are kind of a blur. I can't remember details, but I do remember fighting some more, knocking down more walls, pinning that damned thing to the ground and finally the fire spreading to the busted gas-pipeline. Everypony used to get on to the Cakes about having a gas stove and how dangerous it was, and now it’s that very danger that’s saved the town from something even more dangerous. It's kind of ironic I guess.

But now that I've finished seeing my memories one last time, I guess that means my time is up. All things considered, I've had a good life and I suppose I shouldn’t complain. I might have had some hardships here and there, but I had a loving family and good friends. What else could you really want out of life?

I can feel the pain and the heat from the fire fading and slowly being replaced with something else. It feels calm, and soothing. Almost... tranquil. I guess dying isn't so bad.

I can hear voices now, calling to me. I suppose I should follow them.

I can feel myself sinking....

Sinking...

sinking...

I have time for one last thought before I fade into oblivion.

Somepony once asked me, "You know, your whole life flashes before your eyes before you die. Is yours worth watching?"

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Yes...

Yes it was.