Twilight and Hitler Go to Hell

by FlutterLight

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Alternate Universe, Human, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Other, Fluttershy
Length: 2419

Twilight and Hitler get shot and go to Hell.

Fluttershy once got a knock on her door. It was you, Hitler. You and her had dinner before she realized who you are, so she shot and killed you. Twilight, unfortunately, was right behind you. Now both of you are in Hell. Have a nice trip!

Published 2013-08-05 04:40:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-08-12 05:11:06 UTC

I lied.

Yellow Pone had just shot Twilight. She was sad. She took the gun and shot five times in the air. It killed Angel, Gilda, Blueblood, Snips, and Snails. There was much rejoicing. Twilight suddenly came back to life and stole your M1911.

"Hey bitch! Give me my gun back!" Yellow Pone yelled, but she was too quiet.

Twilight ran back to her home, which was always on fire because it could. Spike opened the door and washed Twilight's foot while he brushed her teeth and brushed her tail.

"Spike, you are such a terrible worker. I'm going to have to cut your pay!"

Spike broke down crying. "No senorita! I do better job! Look, I even clean books.*"

"Shut the Hell up, slave! Now clean the toilets at the Taco Belle next door!"

Spike said, "But senorita, they have their own cleaning staff."

"Just do it."

"Okay senorita."

Spike left to go clean the disgusting bathrooms at Taco Belle. Twilight stabbed him in the back, because who likes dragons? Twilight decided she hated her window, so she blew it up. She suddenly got the urge to go play CoD. She turned on Call of Duty: Black Ops II. She went to Zombies Mode and choose Tranzit.

"Who even likes Mob of the Dead? Tranzit is the only good map ever made. Fuck Moon, give me Tranzit."

She got the War Machine from the box.

"This is the best weapon in the game. Why isn't it a Wonder Weapon? It's much better than the Ray Gun!"

She died on Round Five.

"New highscore! Nopony's ever gotten past Round Four before!"

And Twilight was an idiot.

Yellow Pone came back and stabbed Twilight in the foot. Twilight pulled out the M1911 and shot Yellow Pone. But, Yellow Pone was a ninja, so the bullet went through her and killed Applejack, the best background pony. Then the slut, Rarity, used her marehood to absorb the bullet. She died. Twilight was arrested for killing two pones and attempting to kill Yellow Pone.

Twilight pulled out her M1911 and shot everypony in the town except Yellow Pone, who was still a ninja. You suddenly came out of the ground.

"Hitler, what are you doing here? I'm on a psychotic rampage here!"

"I came back because I love you!"

You and Twilgiht kiss. Yellow Pone is there to read the vows. You two are married as Coldplay and the Beatles perform. Suddenly, Yellow Pone grabs Twilight's M1911. She kills both of you.

You both wake up in Hell. Fire is everywhere. All your clothes are dirty and filthy and on fire. Twilight is in the corner crying.**

"I was going to be President of the United States, but Fluttershy went insane! Now I'll never be President!"

"But Ze United States is dead. I killed zem all!"

Twilight stabs you in the eye with her horn. Because you are in Hell, you don't die. But you explode because you are Hitler and deserve to explode. Twilight stabs you in the neck with her horn, and you explode again. But, you always reform afterwards.

"Zat von't vork. Ve are immortal here."

"I don't care! I love it!"

Twilight stabs you again, this time in the dick. It hurts like Hell, and you explode twice.

"So you can explode twice. I'll have to tell Spike. If I ever get out, that is," Twilight said while stabbing your body fifty times.

Satan comes over.

"Hitler, my man! How you doing?"

You know Satan because you're Hitler. You made a deal with him so that every assassination attempt on you fails.

"I've been better. I vas shot by Yellow Pone, and I'm here, in Hell. Zis is vorse than ze time ze TARDIS crashed into my office."

Satan said, "So, you didn't just shoot youself in the head?"

"Nien! Vhy vould I do zat?"

"Just wondering."

Twilight said, "Mr Satan, may I go back to the Living World? I don't belong here, and I was going to be President."

Satan said, "Wait, you're a politician? GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY DOMAIN! WE DON'T ACCEPT YOUR KIND HERE!"

And Twilight went to the Living World, because politicians are worse than Hitler.***

One more time

Yellow Pone had just shot Twilight. She was sad. She took the gun and shot five times in the air. It killed Angel, Gilda, Blueblood, Snips, and Snails. There was much rejoicing. Twilight suddenly came back to life and stole your M1911.

"Hey bitch! Give me my gun back!" Yellow Pone yelled, but she was too quiet.

Twilight ran back to her home, which was always on fire because it could. Spike opened the door and washed Twilight's foot while he brushed her teeth and brushed her tail.

"Spike, you are such a terrible worker. I'm going to have to cut your pay!"

Spike broke down crying. "No senorita! I do better job! Look, I even clean books.*"

"Shut the Hell up, slave! Now clean the toilets at the Taco Belle next door!"

Spike said, "But senorita, they have their own cleaning staff."

"Just do it."

"Okay senorita."

Spike left to go clean the disgusting bathrooms at Taco Belle. Twilight stabbed him in the back, because who likes dragons? Twilight decided she hated her window, so she blew it up. She decided she wanted to play a first-person shooter, but those games all suck anyway. So she played Ride to Hell: Retribution.

"Fuck yeah! This game is the best! So much better than that other game I bought! What was it again? Oh yeah. Portal 2."

There was a knock at Twilight's door. She opened it. It was Yellow Pone.

"Give me my M1911 back you whore!"

"Come and take it from me, Yellow Pone."

Yellow Pone stabbed Twilight in the neck with Twilight's horn.

"How did you even do that?" Twilight asked before she died.

Yellow Pone stood victorious. She took back her M1911 and shot Spike.

"Why senorita? WHY?"

Yellow pone said, "Fuck dragons."

Yellow pone left the building and shot that whore, Rarity. Yellow Pone hates everypony. Everypony in Ponyville died. Yellow Pone now ruled the world. She used her power to build giant statues of herself. She was an evil Yellow Pone. Her black heart was made of iron.

Celestia came out of nowhere and shot Yellow Pone in the neck. But, Yellow Pone was actually Twilight in disguise. And Twilight died again. Yellow Pone came out of nowhere and stabbed Celestia with Celestia's horn.

"How did you even do that?" Celestia asked.

"That's what I said," said Twilight.

Yellow Pone took her M1911 and shot both of them in the head. Yellow Pone grabbed Celestia's AK-47 and killed all of Celestia's guards. Yay Yellow Pone.

Here we go again...

Twilight had just been banished from Hell. You are sad now.

"Satan, I vant to go to ze world of ze living!"

"Too bad Hitler. You aren't a true politician, so you stay."

You say, "I can give you money."

Satan says, "Well, when you put it that way... No!"

Satan punches you in the face. Your glorious mustache flies off your face and onto Satan's.

"Vhy did you do zat?"

"Because I'm Satan!"

You say, "I'm going to become a politician."

"Then you are not allowed in my domain," Satan says.

Satan uppercuts you. You go flying into the ceiling of Hell and up through the planet's crust. Your mustache magically is on your face again. You burst out of the ground, right in front of Twilight.

"Hitler, what are you doing here? I'm on a psychotic rampage here!" says Twilight

"I came back because I love you!"

You and Twilgiht kiss. Yellow Pone is there to read the vows. You two are married as Coldplay and the Beatles perform. Suddenly, Yellow Pone grabs Twilight's (read: her) M1911. She kills both of you.

You both wake up in Hell. Fire is everywhere. All your clothes are dirty and filthy and on fire. Twilight is in the corner crying.

"I was going to be President of the United States, but Fluttershy went insane! Now I'll never be President!"

"But Ze United States is dead. I killed zem all!"

Twilight stabs you in the eye with her horn. Because you are in Hell, you don't die. But you explode because you are Hitler and deserve to explode. Twilight stabs you in the neck with her horn, and you explode again. But, you always reform afterwards.

"Zat von't vork. Ve are immortal here."

"I don't care! I love it!"

Twilight stabs you again, this time in the dick. It hurts like Hell, and you explode twice.

"So you can explode twice. I'll have to tell Spike. If I ever get out, that is," Twilight said while stabbing your body fifty times.

Satan comes over.

"Hitler, my man! How you doing?"

You know Satan because you're Hitler. You made a deal with him so that every assassination attempt on you fails.

"I've been better. I vas shot by Yellow Pone, and I'm here, in Hell. Zis is vorse than ze time ze TARDIS crashed into my office."

Satan said, "So, you didn't just shoot youself in the head?"

"Nien! Vhy vould I do zat?"

"Just wondering."

Twilight said, "Mr Satan, may I go back to the Living World? I don't belong here, and I was going to be President."

Satan said, "Wait, you're a politician? GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY DOMAIN! WE DON'T ACCEPT YOUR KIND HERE!"

And Twilight went to the Living World, because politicians are worse than Hitler.

Once again...

There was a knock at Twilight's door. She opened it. It was Yellow Pone.

"Give me my M1911 back you whore!"

"Come and take it from me, Yellow Pone."

Yellow Pone stabbed Twilight in the neck with Twilight's horn.

"How did you even do that?" Twilight asked before she died.

Yellow Pone stood victorious. She took back her M1911 and shot Spike.

"Why senorita? WHY?"

Yellow pone said, "Fuck dragons."

Yellow pone left the building and shot that whore, Rarity. Yellow Pone hates everypony. Everypony in Ponyville died. Yellow Pone now ruled the world. She used her power to build giant statues of herself. She was an evil Yellow Pone. Her black heart was made of iron.

Celestia came out of nowhere and shot Yellow Pone in the neck. But, Yellow Pone was actually Twilight in disguise. And Twilight died again. Yellow Pone came out of nowhere and stabbed Celestia with Celestia's horn.

"How did you even do that?" Celestia asked.

"That's what I said," said Twilight.

Celestia and Twilight were on fire. They had both been sent to Hell after Yellow Pone stabbed them with their own horns. Satan was busy celebrating Twilight's banishment by playing the tuba. But Twilight was back in Hell.

"What the Hell are you doing back in Hell!?" yelled Satan.

Twilight said, "We were stabbed by Yellow Pone. With our own horns."

"So she stabbed you with Celestia's horn, and Celestia with your horn?"

"No, she stabbed me with my horn, and Celestia with her own horn."

"She can do that?"

"Apparently," Twilight said.

Satan was annoyed. "You annoy me. Get out."

And Twilight was sent back into the world of the living.

"And as for you Celestia, should I send you back to the Living World?"

"I'm a politician."

Satan said, "Wait, you're a politician? GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY DOMAIN! WE DON'T ACCEPT YOUR KIND HERE!"

And Celestia went to the Living World, because politicians are worse than Hitler.

This is the Only Chapter

Once upon a time, you went to Equestria. You are named "Adolf Hitler," and everyone hates you. You destroyed the entire Earth and escaped to Equestria. Now, you need a place to live. You see a nice cottage. It has a light on. You walk towards it.

You knock on the door. Yellow Pone answers.

"Hi, I'm Fluttershy. Would you like some dinner?"

"Yes. Do you have ze chicken nuggets?"

Fluttershy slaps you.

"I would never eat a chicken! Just who the Hell are you, anyway?"

"I am the Fuhrer! Hiel Hitler!"

Fluttershy gasps and runs into the back room. She returns with an M1911*.

"Vhat are you going to do vith zat? Are you going to shoot me?"

Fluttershy aims the gun somehow and says, "You are going to die. I will finish you off once and for all. SEE YOU IN HELL, MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!!!!!!!!1!!! (All of those exclamation marks are for emphasis)

Fluttershy shoots the gun before she realizes the bullet will go through you and kill Purple Pone, who is behind you. Purple Pone dies.

You both wake up in Hell. Fire is everywhere. All your clothes are dirty and filthy and on fire**. Purple Pone is in the corner crying.

Vhat is your name, Purple Pone?"

"My name is Twilight Sparkle. I was going to be President of the United States, but you had to stand in front of me while Fluttershy went insane! Now I'll never be President!"

"But Ze United States is dead. I killed zem all!"

Twilight stabs you in the eye with her horn. Because you are in Hell, you don't die. But you explode because you are Hitler and deserve to explode. Twilight stabs you in the neck with her horn, and you explode again. But, you always reform afterwards.

"Zat von't vork. Ve are immortal here."

"I don't care! I love it***!"

Twilight stabs you again, this time in the dick. It hurts like Hell, and you explode twice.

"So you can explode twice. I'll have to tell Spike. If I ever get out, that is," Twilight said while stabbing your body fifty times.

Satan comes over.

"Hitler, my man! How you doing?"

You know Satan because you're Hitler. You made a deal with him so that every assassination attempt on you fails.

"I've been better. I vas shot by Yellow Pone, and I'm here, in Hell. Zis is vorse than ze time ze TARDIS crashed into my office."

Satan said, "So, you didn't just shoot youself in the head?"

"Nien! Vhy vould I do zat?"

"Just wondering."

Twilight said, "Mr Satan, may I go back to the Living World? I don't belong here, and I was going to be President."

Satan said, "Wait, you're a politician? GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY DOMAIN! WE DON'T ACCEPT YOUR KIND HERE!"

And Twilight went to the Living World, because politicians are worse than Hitler.