The noonday sun shone through the windows lining the walls, casting the red carpet that cut down the center of the room to the throne in a kaleidoscope of colors. Upon the throne sat an alabaster mare adorned with a simple gold necklace and crown, a bored look upon her face as the guards opened the golden doors and bellowed out the name of the next patron to bore her with a request.
“NOW ANNOUNCING: SIR EMERALD NIGHT.”
As his name was called a dark blue unicorn with a blue green mane sauntered in, two black saddle bags across his back. Celestia let a half smile play at her lips as he trotted through down the path, his coat changing hues as he passed from one light beam to the next. As he reached the end of the carpet he pulled a small box from one of the saddle bags and kneeled.
“Dearest Celestia, for my entire life I have watched you sit atop your throne and guide us all to greatness. As I grew my adoration for you grew into infatuation, I began to model myself a pony I thought worthy of your attention. I worked tirelessly to achieve perfection. As I grew closer to you I began to see that though you smiled, there was a frown hidden beneath. I saw that you were lonely, and my infatuation grew into love. Today I come before you under false pretense because I know that all those who wish to ask what I am about to ask of you are turned away. I wish, my dear princess, to ask of you, your hoof in marriage.”
As he finished speaking he opened the small box; a simple golden ring resting within. A hopeful smile played at his lips that slowly lowered until it turned upside down and he hung his head in defeat. “I see, there is another your heart aches for. Forgive me for believing myself worthy.”
Celestia snapped out of her revelry, turning back to Emerald with wide eyes. “What, no! There is no other. I simply cannot accept. I cannot allow a single pony to become more to me that the rest. You are a noble yourself; you must know how the others would soon claim I play favorites and turn to their dirty tricks to find out in which order I love them the most. It would not end well. Why do you presume to believe my heart aches for another?” Celestia looked down at Emerald Night, genuine confusion written on her furrowed brow.
Emerald Night stood and sat back as his diarch spoke. “Twas merely something seen within your eyes. You heard my speech but not my voice. Your eyes looked elsewhere, at somepony other than myself.” Emerald Night turned to look where he had seen Celestia’s eyes wander to. As his eyes ran across the glass murals, a knowing smile split his muzzle. “Though it would appear that my Princess does not pine for another pony.”
Celestia shook her head and stood from her throne, descending the stairs and motioning to a guard to fetch some tea. “What do you mean by that? My heart does not pine, nor does it ache for anypony. I am content and happy here in the castle amongst—”
Emerald raised a hoof. “Shush, I have seen the look you wore many a time. I saw it in my own reflection when I was younger and I have seen it in the faces of many ponies in marriages they find unfulfilling. Even if you are not aware of it, your heart aches for another. There is no shame in it, no pony, or goddess, is meant to live alone as you do. But I must wonder...when was it that you fell for her?”
Celestia strode past Emerald and bade him to follow as she made her way to a side door that lead down to the gardens. “It would seem, Emerald, that you know of whom my heart desires. Even if it is nothing more than false presumption, you seem to believe you know who it is. Please enlighten me, for whom do you think I pine?”
Emerald smirked and picked up his pace a little sing songing over his shoulder. “Now where would the fun in that be, my liege?”
Celestia rolled her eyes and turned the corner; walking up into a gazebo. “I am not your liege, Emerald. I am a princess, yes, but no laws or sworn oaths bind you to me, simply loyalty. As for your question; the fun would be in me not donating what fortune you have to charity.”
Emerald chuckled. “I have no fortune with which you can do such a thing. I have made my way up the ranks on merit alone; it is part of why I believed I was worthy to ask your hoof. Though I digress; I will not tell you because you would only reject it and cause yourself more ache in the end. Though I will give you a hint; you need not fear the nobles claiming you play favorites if you let it be known that you are courting her.”
“What do you mean? Are you saying who I love is not a pony?”
Emerald smirked and sipped at his tea. “She is as much a pony as you yourself are.”
Celestia paused, her eyes drifting to look off into the distance to ponder what Emerald had said. “You are being far too cryptic today, Emerald. Why can’t you just speak your mind like you normally do?” Her eyes drifted across the garden towards the throne room, coming to rest on the stained glass windows. Emerald chuckled as he followed her line of sight to the purple mural. At this distance he couldn’t see the image, but he knew which one she was looking at. “Do you find amusement in something, Emerald?”
Emerald’s eyes twinkled with mirth as he sipped his tea and watched Celestia’s confused face“I do. This is the second time your gaze has fallen on that particular window. I imagine that it reminds you of something important, perhaps something you have not yet realized.”
Celestia paused and looked back to the window. She stared for several moments before placing her tea back on the table. She stared directly at Emerald as she slowly formed her next question. “It reminds me of a very strong mare overcoming great odds and heartbreak to rise and triumphantly defeat the chaos that had consumed her world. What else could I possibly see there beyond that?”
Emerald smiled coyly as he sipped his tea and took a small bite out of his biscuit. “I believe you just told me all I needed to hear. I was not certain, only; playing on a hunch but, I am fairly certain now. The way you spoke was very telling.”
Celestia sipped at her tea slowly; Emerald’s cryptic words were grating on her nerves but, she could feel an underlying purpose. “Emerald, what do you mean; ‘the way in which I spoke?’ ”
“Simple. You spoke softer and your eyes got this little twinkle in them when you said “mare” and “her”. Not unlike somepony recalling a happy or fond memory.”
Celestia paused, had she really? She was certainly proud of Twilight for overcoming Discord, that must be it. The twinkle was merely pride as she recalled how her heart had swelled when Twilight had come back triumphant over Discord. To see her student walking into the throne room victorious; her head held high, and her steps strong and proud; the smile that reached her gorgeous purple eyes as she saw Celestia waiting at the end of the hall to congratulate her and her friends.
Emerald smiled and tried not laugh as he watched his princess grow still; a smile playing on her lips as her mind wandered. He could see it so clearly now; there was a deep fondness beyond teacher and student hidden inside her heart. With a small sigh he cleared his throat to bring her back. “So, as I was saying.”
Celestia blinked; her cheeks turning a light shade of pink as she realized she had been lost in thought. Taking her tea by magic; she hid her embarrassment behind the cup as she spoke. “A;though, I still don't understand what you mean. How do these things point to me being infatuated?”
Emerald sighed and rubbed his temples. “Tell me Princess, when you let your mind wander, where does it go?”
“That’s easy. I think about affairs of the state, my student,” Celestia’s eyes clouded over with a faraway look. “Twilight and how she might be doing. How is she handling her ascension? Is she remembering to take breaks to eat during her study sessions? Is she happy? Would she consider coming to the castle for a visit? Maybe she could come by and we could have dinner together, like old times but without talk of studies and maybe just catch up and discuss our lives?”
Emerald sighed again; trying not connect his face and hoof. “So when your mind wanders, you think about...”
“I just told you: affairs of the state. My student...” Celestia trailed off and grew silent.
Emerald took a small sip of his tea and smirked and spoke with a teasing tone. “Do you see it now?”
“No, none of that means that, it just means I am worried about her, as any good teacher would be.” As she spoke, Celestia went from silent to animated, jerking her head up and looking right at Emerald.
A resounding thunk echoed throughout the garden as Emerald lost his internal battle to keep his hoof at bay; releasing it to his face. “Alright, let’s try this then. When your mind wanders and, you begin worrying about your student, does your mind leave the subject or do you have to refocus your attention?”
Sipping at her tea, Celestia got a thoughtful expression for a second before she answered. “I do not see how that points to anything you have insinuated tonight. I worry greatly about her, so of course I have trouble not thinking about her. She is a wonderful, strong, beautiful—”
“Stop right there. Do you realize how you are describing her right now. The last word you said, did you catch it?” Emerald held both his hooves out; a hopeful, yet exasperated look on his face.
“I called her...oh. I called her beautiful. That doesn’t mean anything though; it’s just an observation. The way the pink highlight accentuates the purple in her mane, that beautiful cutie mark that draws the eye to her well proportioned flank. The sparkle in her lavender eyes when she’s happy or excited about a new discovery, the way her tongue sticks out to the side when she’s puzzling something out...”
“She is a beautiful mare and I don't see how stating so means I see her any differently than a teacher normally sees a student.”
The guards and servants had by this point, looks of sympathy for Emerald as the echoes of a face testing the hardness of a table died down. Emerald rolled his head to the side so he could look at the princess from the table. “Do you not hear yourself, Princess? I understand that this may seem strange, but I imagine everypony here can see it by this point.”
“See what, my love for my student? How much I care for her and her well being?” Celestia stared at Emerald. Concern evident on her face with a small frown and slight tilt to her head.
Emerald jaw worked as he rolled it around trying to figure out what to say next. He could not believe how hard it was to get Celestia to see what was plainly obvious. “Princess, what kind of teacher describes their student like that? Actually, just describe your student to me.”
Celestia paused for moment, placing a hoof to her chin. “Well, she is, as I have said before, wonderful. She is smart, not just bookish smart but capable of connecting the dots were others cannot even see the dots kind of smart. She is compassionate and kind; willing to give almost anypony a second chance. She is loyal and strong. She has the cutest nervous ticks when she starts to get mad or lose her calm demeanour. She is gorgeous, but not the same kind of gorgeous you find in models; a more homely kind. The kind of gorgeousness that comes from self confidence and an inner strength that few ponies possess.”
As the diarch spoke, a smile slowly grew across her face and her features softened. Her eyes twinkled as she turned back towards the purple window along the throne room wall that could be seen from the garden. She leaned down against her hoof; sighing occasionally while her other hoof traced the rim of her tea cup. She slowly trailed off but her focus remained on the window as she thought about her student.
Emerald watched all this with an amused smile. He sat back up and tapped the table lightly. “Princess?” His smile grew when he failed to get her attention. Speaking a little louder this time: “Princess?”
Celestia shook her head and looked at Emerald. Emerald watched as her eyes slowly grew until they looked like they might fall out; her breathing quickened. “Are you okay Princess?”
“NONONONONONONONONONO.” Celestia face shifted rapidly to panic as the realization hit her at long last. “THAT CAN’T BE RIGHT! I CAN’T LOVE HER! SHE IS LIKE A DAUGHTER TO ME!” She flailed her hooves in front of her and leaned back as though trying to escape from the very idea that was crossing her mind.
Emerald shook his head and reached out to grab the shaking white hooves. “It’s okay. Your feelings have changed, and I suspect it happened some time ago. Many ponies have seen how you light up when she is around or when you are expecting her. I honestly think you never truly saw her as a daughter. I think that some part of you could see what she was going to become and loved her from the beginning. Some part of you just misinterpreted it as maternal love.”
“But how...?” Celestia leaned forward, her eyes practically begging Emerald for an explanation. “Are you saying I loved her even as a filly?”
“No, as a filly you saw something great in her and fell in love with that potential and now that she has reached, or even surpassed it, you have fallen for her.” Emerald paused to let the idea sink in before he continued explaining. “You are far older and wiser than anypony and with that wisdom you have been able to assess ponies far quicker than anypony I have ever met or read of. You can take witness to something within in ponies what no other pony is capable of observing. I believe that is what happened when you first saw Miss Sparkle.” Emerald held Celestia’s hooves tight, trying to comfort and calm her as he spoke, a mollifying, reassuring smile upon his lips.
Celestia looked towards Emerald but her eyes were unfocused, looking at something much further away. “So, I fell in love with a potential, and now she is that potential I fell in love with. That’s ridiculous.” Celestia pulled her hooves away and took a deep breath, trying to reach her calm state again.
“Is it? There are ponies all over the place who fall in love at first sight; no knowledge of the pony beyond appearance. They see in that pony something that isn’t physical and fall in love with it on the spot. Why couldn't you have seen that in Twilight Sparkle and decided to wait until she was grown? Until she had come into the potential your heart saw in her from the moment you first met?”
Celestia chewed on her lip, searching for anything she could use to dissuade this idea that was gaining more and more merit in her mind. “That’s...she was a child. I would not fall in love with a child like that. It’s wrong.”
“To simply fall in love with a child, yes. The thing is, you didn’t love the child; your heart saw something great in her and fell in love with that greatness. Twilight Sparkle was not the object of your affection back then, it was a potential she carried and which you decided to nurse. First you loved her as mother, trying to guide her to the potential she had hidden inside. As she began to fill that potential, you stopped seeing her as a daughter and began to see her as a mare. A strong willed and powerful mare. Your heart began to overtake your mind and the maternal love faded. She didn't need a mother; she had grown beyond the need of your maternal affections and you could feel it.”
“No longer were you a mother to her, you had become a teacher and, now you want to become something even more. She isn't your daughter anymore, she never truly was. She was always this great big potential that tugged at your heart and now, she has grown into that very potential.”
“How can you be so certain? I mean, what you are implying is that I loved her from the very beginning.” Celestia stared at Emerald, a look of slight concern on her face.
“No, you loved what she could be. You loved an idea, a potential.”
“So I didn’t love Twilight Sparkle, I loved what she might become?”
Emerald smiled and took a deep breath. “Exactly.”
“But then I took her as my daughter, and raised her. I became a mother to her, so I could love her like a daughter. I am proud of her and how she filled the potential. So is not then my love for her as an equal and not as a family member, wrong?”
Emerald furrowed his brow and rubbed at his temples. “I honestly don't have an answer to that. Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t. That doesn’t change the fact that you love her as an equal now. You were never really her mother but you raised her, becoming a pseudo mother to her. Maybe it is wrong of you to love her like you do now but that still does not change the fact that you do. You fell in love with an idea; one she later became. Maybe you helped shape her into it, but we can never know if she would have made it there on her own. So all we have to work with is that you loved her, in a motherly way but now you love her not as a mother, but an equal.”
The garden grew silent as they both sat, pondering this dilemma. Was it right for Celestia, who had raised Twilight and treated her as a daughter to love her? Was Emerald right, and somewhere inside her she had always loved Twilight but knew it to be wrong and so she had buried it beneath a mask of maternal love? Maybe fate had put them together so that Celestia might not be alone forever, doomed to watch her lovers die and to feel the pain of loss over and over?
“I think I understand, Emerald.” Celestia paused and turned to look again at the stained glass window. “The day I first saw Twilight Sparkle. I saw two things, a young filly in need of help and then beside her I saw what she could become. I took her in and cared for her. First as a teacher, then as a mother, and now...now as an equal. As she grew, my feelings changed with her. Slowly she began to fill into the potential I had seen, leaving behind my feelings as I followed her along her journey. Slowly, without me seeing or even realizing it, my feelings faded and changed with her.” Celestia turned back to Emerald, a soft and happy smile on her face.
“She is no longer the filly who needed a teacher so I left my feelings as a teacher behind. She has a real mother and has reconnected with her so no longer was I needed as her mother. No longer is she any of the things she was as a filly so all I felt for her as a filly has faded, leaving in it’s place the love I felt for the potential I saw in her the day I met her. I love Twilight Sparkle now, I do not love my student or daughter but Twilight Sparkle, the greatest mare I have ever known.”
With her final words Celestia spread her wings and took off into the sky, heading for Ponyville. Pausing just long to turn back to Emerald. “Thank you, thank you for helping me see what I refused to see. I owe you a debt, my old friend.” With the thanks spoken, she sped off to Ponyville to speak to the mare who her heart ached for, leaving Emerald to nurse his headache and broken heart.
~ ~ ~
The morning sun rose slowly over Ponyville. A sad mare sat on her balcony, eyes closed; enjoying the warmth of the rising sun. Her breathes even and slow as a single tear collected in the corner of her eye unknowingly. With a sigh, she opened her eyes and stared out over the market place as ponies mingled and set up their shops. Her eyes pausing each time they drifted over a couple walking side by side, happily.
She turned her attention back to the rising sun once more before turning back into her tree to wash her face and preen her wings. She walked to the door and poked her head into the hallway, calling for her assistant.
“SPIKE! It’s time to get up! I have a meeting with Rarity today and I need you to care for the library while I am out.” Silence greeted her in response causing her brow to furrow. “Spike?” She stepped out into the hall and walked down to her assistant slash brother’s door, and knocked. “Spike?”
Again no answer, so she turned the knob and pushed the door open. The room was empty, causing her to panic for a second before she noticed a note tacked to the end of the bed. She walked briskly to it and peeled it off the bed.
Went to see the cutie mark crusaders. See you tonight.
“Really, Spike. You need to warn me before you do things like this.” Her morning ritual forgotten, Twilight left the room and headed downstairs. “Morning, Rarity.”
Twilight trotted past the white unicorn, heading towards the kitchen only to pause for a second. Slowly turning her head back, she watched Rarity take a sip of tea and grab a biscuit in her magic.
“Morning Dear. I am terribly sorry to drop in like this, but Spike let me in and I thought you might try to avoid me if I didn’t drop by. Carry on with what you were doing; I can wait till you have had some coffee. We all know how you can be before you get that first cup.” She took a dainty bite of her scone and smiled.
Twilight slowly shook her head and turned back into the kitchen. The coffee was brewn so she made some quick toast and headed back out. Taking a seat across from Rarity she sipped her coffee. “So...morning. I thought we were going to meet at your place?”
Raising her cup of tea, Rarity spoke up before taking a sip. “We were, but you have been rather absent as of late. Honestly you seem to almost be actively avoiding us. I thought I would have a better chance if I met you.” Rarity wore a small smirk as she stared at Twilight over her cup of tea and took a small sip.
“I haven’t, I have just been...busy. Research, getting used to the new appendages,” She flared her wings for emphasis. “Royal duties and other such things.”
“Of course dear, that’s why when you saw me and my coltfriend in the market you teleported home. We just reminded you of something important you had to do.” Rarity smiled knowingly and put her teacup down to pour another glass. “It’s not like seeing us lovingly walking side by side had anything to do with it at all.”
Twilight’s ears flicked unconsciously when Rarity said lovingly. “That’s ridiculous, why would you think that would have anything to do with it?”
Rarity moved the teacup out the way carefully; sitting up elegantly as she leaned forward, looking directly into Twilight's eyes. “If I am wrong, then explain to me why you teleported as soon as you saw us.”
“I panicked.” Twilight busied herself with her coffee, trying to mask her sheepish look.
Rarity sat up, a twinkle in her eyes and that annoying little smirk that drove Twilight crazy. “Oh! Why did you panic?”
“I...I...I’m not sure. I just did.” Twilight slid down in her seat a little, her ears drooping and a frown forming on her face. “Everytime I see you or one of our other friends with their special somepony, I panic. It doesn’t even have to be one of you; it happened when I went to get some sweets from Bon Bon the other day and Lyra walked in and gave her a hug.” Twilight sighed and put her mug down. “I can’t stop seeing all of you so happy, and it makes my chest tight. Whenever I close my eyes, I see everypony so happy and I feel so lonely.”
Rarity slid a cup of tea across the table to Twilight along with a scone. “Really! You make it sound like this is odd.”
“Isn’t it odd though? I never used to think of love, but suddenly it haunts me everywhere I go. Why is it suddenly such an issue for me? Why all of sudden, can’t I stop thinking about it?” Twilight trailed off a little, her brow furrowing. Taking the tea in her magic she turned her head to look out the window at the rising sun and took a small sip. “Why now?”
“Well, much has changed for you recently, hasn’t it? You completely botched an ancient spell; shuffling all of our cutie marks. Resolving it had the unforeseen side effect of ending your life and returning you to us with wings. Shortly thereafter, without even so much as a chance to breathe, you were declared a princess of Equestria. Maybe all this change has, for lack of a better way of phrasing it, changed you. Perhaps a whole new world is suddenly before you and you are trying to deny it. There are few ponies who would be able to handle what you have in your life.”
Putting her tea down Twilight slumped back a little and turned her gaze back to Rarity. “What are you saying Rarity?”
“I am simply implying that you might be trying to deny it all. I mean really, you haven't even left your library yet, hardly befitting of the new princess.”
Twilight looked about the library, a slightly nostalgic mist in her eyes. “But I was happy here, this is my home, my safe place. I have all my lists here and it’s where I feel the most happy. Right after everything, I wanted nothing more than to come back to my tree and settle back down, write a new list and categorize everything that had happened.” Twilight paused and took a shaky sip of her drink while her eyes darted around the library. “Everything was fine, I had a new list and life was getting back on track, but then Rainbow and Applejack came out. Then Pinkie Pie introduced us to her colt friend, then you introduced us to yours. It’s just Fluttershy and myself remaining and Fluttershy is perfectly content as the caretaker of all those animals. Why is love plaguing me so much all of a sudden?” Twilight’s voice cracked and she lowered her head, trying to stay composed. “Why am I not more like Fluttershy, why am I so unhappy?”
Rarity leaned back and sipped at her tea pensively. “Well to me it sounds like you’re lonely. Like you want somepony to keep you company, and to love you.”
“Why now though?” Twilight flailed her hooves a little in exasperation. “It was never an issue until I ascended. I was happy with how things were before. Things were great before; I didn’t have to worry about royal protocol, I didn’t have to worry about my appearance. It was simple back then, I was a student and she was a teacher. I sent her letters and she responded. Before, I didn’t have to worry about the letters being intercepted or rumors spreading that would harm her reputation. I had a schedule, a list, but now those things don't mean ANYTHING!” AS Twilight screamed the last word bits of her mane started popping out of place and her pupils shrank to pinpricks. “I need a new list but I don’t know where to begin because I am no longer her student. Now I am her equal and there is no list for that, NO LIST. Why can’t things be simple, why did she have to make it complicated?!”
Rarity sipped her tea and watched as Twilight slowly curled up on herself and started stroking her tail. “Twilight, dear, would you stop doing that; it’s rather disconcerting. Secondly, I don’t think we are talking about the same thing any more.”
Twilight paused mid stroke and looked Rarity in the eye. “What do you mean?”
“Well you stopped talking about your ascension in the middle of that rant. You shifted to talking about Princess Celestia.”
Twilight resumed stroking her tail, her eyes turned towards the window. “Of course I am. Our entire dynamic has changed. Nothing is the same because now I am on the same tier as her. What am I going to do now? I...I am her equal now...” Twilight slowly stopped stroking her tail as her she got a distant look in her eyes. “How can I face her now?”
“It couldn't have changed that much dear. I mean really, how much could it have changed?”
Twilight slowly and jarringly turned her head towards Rarity, causing her to shrink back a little. “You don’t understand, I have no relationship with her now! It’s gone, all gone. Now...now...now...” Twilight trailed off for a second. “What kind of relationship do we have now, what kind of relationship should I build with her? Could I possibly...?” Twilight stopped talking and cuddled her tail as she stroked it harder.
“Could you possibly what, dear?” Rarity gently dropped off the couch and approached Twilight who was muttering to herself. “Twilight dear, are you okay?”
Twilight paused and turned to look at Rarity, her eye twitching and ears flopping back and forth. “Rarity, could I possibly let myself feel what I feel and approach her with these thoughts? Would it be okay for me to admit it to myself at last, and take a step forward towards the sun? Do I no longer have to worry about the sun melting my wings and sending me crashing back to Equestria? Could I have a chance now?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. You’re not making any sense.” Rarity reached out and put a hoof on Twilight's shoulder only to have Twilight jump up.
“I have a chance and I need to take it. I have an eternity to overcome it if it doesn’t work. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.” Twilight wrapped Rarity in a hug and thanked her before taking off out of the library and heading to Canterlot.
Rarity sat back stunned, staring out the door after Twilight. “Umm, you’re welcome.”
~ ~ ~
The sky was clear, save for occasional cloud. Two mares, separated by more than miles and time raced across it, unknowingly heading for each other. Both flew, desperate for one another, the feelings they had admitted beating a song of hope into their veins. The song spurred their wings to beat harder, stronger, faster. Each powerful flap brought a surge of dreams. Dreams of a future together. Their hearts crying out for each other in time with the beats of their wings, the call growing stronger the harder they flew.
Soon both saw a dot, the color of their hopes and dreams. They pumped their wings harder, drawing out every ounce of speed they could, aiming for a future they had never known was within reach. Their hearts soared from the chest, joining together in cries of joy as they saw the smiles on their faces. For a moment the world froze and then they realized they could not stop in time.
Celestia flared her wings to slow her speed while Twilight snapped her wings shut and reached out for the love she had denied herself. The empty sky soon filled with the sound of flesh impacting flesh and the two mares spun into a cloud. Celestia wrapped the younger mare tightly in her embrace as the younger mare wrapped her in a similar embrace. Silence fell again, no words needed to be spoken. The two had said all they needed to with their actions as they flew. No longer would either of them let the world and their insecurities hold them apart; they had found happiness and that was all that mattered.
Author's Note
A thanks goes to divinepath for her assistance in editing. She is a wonderful editor.
