Retrieving Pinkie Pie

by Professor Coruptus

Rating: teen
Tags: Fluttershy, Random, Adventure, Pinkie Pie, Twilight Sparkle, Applejack, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Rarity
Length: 8907

Ever wonder what happened when the gang when to get Pinkie Pie during "Return to Harmony Part 2?"

Ever wonder what happened when the gang when to get Pinkie Pie during "Return to Harmony Part 2?"
Turns out the mane four didn't have have so easy a time getting Discord's favorite element back as they did the five. Now read the incredible adventure of four mares as they take on (unknowing) the most evil forces of chaos outside of Discord himself! What horrors will await our hero's in the shadowy rooms of Sugar Cube Corner?

Lint will fly, vegetables will be mashed, closets will be come out of, and a hero will rise in, "Retrieving Pinkie Pie!"

Published 2012-03-06 18:23:25 UTC
Last updated 2012-02-20 23:50:45 UTC

Chapter 1

Retrieving Pinkie Pie.

Twilight involuntarily gulped as she looked up at Sugar Cube Corner. In the midst of the colorful and energetic chaos running rampant over Ponyville after Discord had elected it as his capital, the sweet shop had remained almost unchanged. Its shape and structure were still the same, as was the color of its gingerbread roof and candy cane supports, but there was still something unnerving about the popular pony hangout. Every shadow was pitch black, as if colored in by noir artist from that “Cinnamon City” comic book Spike had found in the library. The color that was present looked as if it were being seen on a very overcast day. Not grayed or washed out exactly, it was as if the light simply did not want to touch the building, as if it were afraid to.

“Do… do ya reccon she’s in there Twilight?” Applejack asked as she, Fluttershy, and Rarity walked up to stand next to the purple unicorn.

“She’s in there alright,” Twilight said, her eyes narrowing to glare at the sweet shop. “No doubt about it.”

“I… I don’t remember Sugar Cube Corner looking so… scary,” Fluttershy said staring up at the building, half hiding behind her mane.

The widows were a cold steely grey and completely solid, but as she watched, the frightened pegasus thought she could make out dark, indistinct shapes moving about inside, causing her to tremble even more.

“Not to sound like a coward, my dear, but shouldn’t we perhaps find Rainbow Dash first?” Rarity asked as she gazed up at the threatening looking bakery. “She has had the most experience with a… unwell Pinkie Pie after all.”

Twilight shook her head. “Dash could be anywhere in Equestria by now. We’ll check her house later, but we know where Pinkie is and she needs our help. Besides…” she admitted, looking slightly ashamed. “Discord said that the element of laughter was his favorite. That’s got me really worried. I should have gone after her first but…”

Applejack put a hoof on her shoulder. “Ya’ll were right to get us first, Sugar Cube. Ah wouldn’t let nopony go into tha’ creepy place alone.” Then she turned and gave a determined look to sinister looking sweet shop. “Now, let’s get that Nelly out o’ there.”

Rarity and Twilight nodded in agreement and mirrored the farmpony’s expression. Fluttershy looked between her friends and the store. Applejack was right. She couldn’t afford to be scared now. Her friends needed her, and she had to be strong for them. Taking a deep breath, the demure pegasus stood tall alongside her friends and fixed her eyes on the shadowy walls standing between them and Pinkie Pie.

The building suddenly looked much less threatening as the ponies made their way to the door. In fact, it almost seemed to be trembling a little.

As Twilight opened the front door, it became apparent that the subtle changes outside the building were only the tip of the frosting. The entire inside of Sugar Cube Corner was dim and barren. The displays and front counter, once stocked with delicious sweets and baked goods, were now completely empty. Not so much as a crumb or grain of sugar could be seen within. The floor and dining area, which had felt so cozy and welcoming before, now seemed vast and empty. No light could reach the far corners of the room and the dark shadows made walls and ceiling seem to disappear into the blackness, making the sweet shop seem like the cave of an Ursa major or some other terrifying beast.

“Well this looks promising,” Rarity quipped as the four of them poked their heads through the doorway.

Twilight was the first to actually step inside.

“Pinkie Pie?” she called out into the darkness.

The unicorn jumped a little as the words echoed throughout the dim corridors of the building. Her voice reverberated a few more times, distorting, and almost cackling before the store fell silent again. As the other three made their way in next to Twilight, the darkness seemed to swell around them. As soon as they were all inside, the front door gave a loud angry whine and swung shut.

At least until Rarity caught it nonchalantly with her back leg.

“Nice catch there, Rare,” Applejack commented as she and the other two ponies breathed out sighs of relief.

“Please Darling, as if I would be caught off guard by such an obvious and tacky cliché.” The white unicorn chided as she levitated a nearby chair over to brace the door.

Unfortunately, a second, thicker door, which had not been present a moment previous. swung in from the outside of the store and slammed shut over the entrance. Everypony jumped, and Rarity dropped the chair with a rattling clatter.

“What the hay?” Applejack swore, as Fluttershy cowered behind her. “Where in tarnation did tha’ come from?”

“Don’t forget, we’re still in Discord’s domain,” Twilight reminded them. “Things aren’t going to make sense in here, or anywhere else until we find Pinkie and Dash and take him down.”

The other three swallowed as they looked about the now even darker room. The windows weren’t quite as solid on the inside, and their smoky glass allowed in just enough light to see by, but only just.

“Well, wha’ do we do now?”

“Let’s split up and look around,” Twilight answered, “Applejack, you and Fluttershy look around down here, Rarity and I will check upstairs.”

“No sale, Sugar Plum,” Applejack argued. “Like Ah said, Ah ain’t lettin’ nopony wonder ‘bout this place alone, or even separated like.”

“I… I really don’t want to split up either,” Fluttershy agreed, looking uneasily around at the dark shadows.

“I must agree with them, Twilight,” Rarity added, also stepping closer to the apple farmer and pegasus. “Besides, I would have thought you of all ponies would have read enough horror stories to know splitting up in a haunted house is never a good idea.”

The librarian shook her head.

“It’s not ‘haunted,’ its ‘Discorded,’ or ‘chaotic’ I guess would be the better word for it… Anyway, like I just said, nothing is going to make sense in here. I think if we split up, we’ll have a better chance of sticking together. Because if we try to split up and go different directions, it would make sense for us all to go to different places, but since that makes sense, it shouldn’t happen, and we should all end up in the same place. So if we split up, we have a better chance of sticking together, you see?”

The other three looked at her blankly. Twilight sighed, resisting the urge to facehoof and tried again.

“Look, just go with me on this. We’d probably get split up again anyway, so let’s just save this creepy place the trouble and start looking, okay?”

Her friends looked at each other uncertainly, but eventually nodded.

“Ah’ll right Twi, we’ll do it yer way. You ain’t led us wrong yet,” Applejack said, smiling at the purple unicorn. Rarity nodded, and though Fluttershy still looked uncertain, she nodded as well.

“All right, if any of you find Pinkie, give a yell and the rest of us will try to find you. It’s not a big house, or at least it shouldn’t be…” Twilight said, looking up at the eerily high ceiling. “…Anyway, be careful.”

“You too,” Applejack replied as Rarity reluctantly stepped away from her to follow Twilight.

The two unicorns headed for the stairs, leaving the earth pony and pegasus alone in the empty store front.

“Do ya wan’ a try to stick together?” the Applejack asked, looking back at the timid pony behind her, “Or do ya think we ought’a split up like Twilight said?”

“Oh, ohm, well…” Fluttershy stepped out from behind her orange friend to look at her. “I… I think we should do what Twilight says.”

“Ya sure ya can handle being by yerself?” the earth pony repeated.

“Y-yes.”

Applejack smiled at the skittish pegasus. While it was true she was quite the coward most of the time, the timid pegasus would stand up to a raging dragon if her friends were in trouble, quite literally in fact.

“Well, all righ’, Sugar Cube. You take that side, an’ Ah’ll take this’n.” The farmpony nodded towards the dining area and the kitchen respectively.

After watching Fluttershy successfully, yet slowly, make her way out of the room, Applejack made her way around the counter to the swinging double doors leading into the kitchen. Despite the pegasus’s tentative assurance she would be okay on her own, the earth pony still felt a tinge of guilt in letting her go off all by her lonesome like that...

Oh well, dark and shadowy or not this was still Sugar Cube Corner. Nothing dangerous could possibly be in here, Applejack told herself as she peered over the low doors into the kitchen. The dark and shadowy kitchen which was filled with semi visible cutlery, several jars and tins holding unknown contents, and large, pony sized, industrial ovens…

Actually, it would probably be better to start at the far end of the house and work her way back. Yeah, that was a much better idea, she thought to herself, stepping back away from the double doors and heading for the hall. Pinkie probably wouldn’t be in the kitchen anyway, it would be a very silly place to hide.

Turning into the downstairs hall, the orange earth pony took on a brisk pace, whistling loudly to herself in an attempt to shake off the spooky atmosphere. As she neared the end of the hall a sound to her right caught her attention. Somepony was calling her name, somepony who sounded very much like,

“Rarity?” the earth pony called back in confusion.

There could be no mistaking the fashionista’s voice. The sound was coming from looked to be a small closet off to her right.

“Applejack, is that you?” Rarity’s voice called again.

The earth pony stared at the door in confusion. What in Celestia’s mane was Rarity doing in a closet on the first floor? Before she could ask however, there was the sound of a door opening followed by a sudden and terrified scream from behind the door she had just been speaking to. The farmpony didn’t waist an instant.

“Hang on, Rarity,” she yelled, grabbing the handle and throwing open the door, “Ah’m a… comin’?”

The farmer blinked her eyes several times to check that they were working properly. She couldn’t believe what she was seeing. There, on the other side of the door, was a grey, discolored version of Sweet Apple Acres. Stepping over the threshold, Applejack looked around in dismay. She was right next to her orchard and barn, apparently stepping out from the storage shed where Big Mac kept his plow and other tools. Checking behind her, the earth pony verified that it was the small shed she had stepped out of, and that its entrance still lead back into the downstairs hall of Sugar Cube Corner.

“R-Rarity?” the farmpony called out, turning back to face the grayed farm. “Pinkie Pie? Hello?”

Her voice echoed in the unnatural stillness of the farm. She didn’t like this. It was as if she had stepped into an old black and white photograph. As she looked around the bleak landscape she thought she heard a faint rattling sound from within the barn. Rushing up to the barn door, she threw open the entrance with the same reckless abandon she had used with the door in the hall. Beyond this door, however, was not another chaos induced pocket-dimension, but exactly what she expected to find in her barn, piles of hay and empty stables.

“Rarity! Pinkie Pie!” she called again.

There was no response. Still, the dark shadows within had the same eerie blackness as those back at the front counter. Deciding against exploring inside anymore freaky doorways, Applejack instead turned back and headed out into the almost monochromatic orchard. She didn’t notice the tin bucket filled with purple and white vegetables sitting ominously behind one of the stables.

Fluttershy stepped into the dimly lit dining hall, looking around anxiously. The windows in here were far more transparent than they had been in the store front, but somehow they only seemed to spot light certain areas. Most of the room was still dark and hard to see through, and yet other parts were bathed in almost blindingly white light. The demure pegasus tried to keep to these bright spots as much as possible as she crossed the room in search of her friend. Not being a fan of the dark, she flittered from spotlight to spotlight, reminding herself of the Daring Do novel she had rented earlier that week from Twilight’s library.

As she glanced at one of the tables she realized the room resembled the ancient tomb she had read about in another way. It was completely covered in dust. It had been difficult to tell in the dim light, but upon further inspection within the brightly lit areas of the room, she could see that almost every square inch of the once spotless dining area was practically carpeted in dirt, grit, and bits of fluff. It covered the chairs, the tables, the menus, and there was even a particularly large clump of the stuff sitting on a plate at a nearby table.

“Oh my,” the demure pegasus said as she surveyed the room.

Mrs. Cake was always so good about keeping her store and kitchen clean for her customers. She certainly wouldn’t be happy to find it in this state. The pegasus felt terrible for the poor earth pony; coming home from all that chaos and disharmony outside, only to find that her dinning area was dirty… she would feel so sad.

The least Fluttershy could do was tidy up a bit while she looked for Pinkie. Sweeping her tail over a chair, she dislodged a sizable amount of dust and sent it flying into the air, and into her nose.

“Ah-choo!” she sneezed, stirring up more dust from a nearby table. “Ah-choo, Ah choo, Ah-CHOO!”

The poor pegasus continued sneezing uncontrollably. The more she sneezed, the more dust she kicked up. The more dust she kicked up, the more she sneezed. It was like a never-ending hay fever! With her nose gone completely haywire, Fluttershy attempted to breathe in through her mouth, only to choke as the taste of dirt and grim flooded into her mouth and lungs. Coughing hard through the fog of dust particles and soot, the suffocating pegasus didn’t see the shadow on the nearby pile of lint grow darker and more sinister with every cough and sneeze.

Rarity cautiously prodded open the door the Cakes Bedroom.

“Mr. and Mrs. Cake? Pinkie Pie?” she called. “Is anypony there?”

Stepping into the room, the unicorn used her magic to pull back the thick curtains. The light that crept in wasn’t much, but it was enough to make out her surroundings. To her far left was a large official looking cabinet, which the business pony surmised held the Cake’s legal papers and financial records. On the wall beside it was another door, presumably leading to a walk in closet due to its smaller size and attached mirror. To her right was a small desk and vanity, side by side so they could both receive light from of one of the windows. Of course the majority of the room was dominated by a large bed, just as Rarity felt a bedroom should be.

“Pinkie Pie,” she called again, bending down to check under all the furniture. “Come out come out, wherever you are…”

There was no sign of Pinkie or the Cakes to be found in the comfortably sized bedroom. Just as Rarity was about the head back out into the hall, she heard a familiar out of tune whistling coming from the closet. Digging a hoof into her ear to ensure it was clean and working properly, the unicorn cautiously stepped forward and listened again. The whistling persisted, even growing louder from behind the closet door. After a moment she recognized the tune. It was the same off key melody Applejack would whistle while setting up her cart before market.

“Appleajack?” she called uncertainly. The whistling stopped abruptly.

“Rarity?” Applejack’s voice answered from behind the door.

“Applejack, is that you?”

Utterly confused, the unicorn stepped forward and slowly opened the closet door. The farmpony was nowhere to be seen, but what she did find within the small wardrobe, was a horror beyond imagination.

Rarity screamed, reflexively stepping back as she beheld the small rooms nauseating and grotesque contents. She felt faint and swayed dangerously on the spot. For within this closet, like most closets were clothes; evening gowns, spare shoes, a small array of winter coats and scarves, but to the fashionista’s utter revulsion, every shirt, skirt, dress and cloth accessory was made from… Burlap!

Backing up from this… this unspeakable abomination against fashion, the seamstress turned with the intent of collapsing dramatically onto the bed, but froze in mid air as she looked down and saw that the sheets and pillowcases were also made from the same horrendous material! She gasped and fell back on her flank, staring in horror at the burlap covered bed. Then a terrifying possibility occurred to her. Looking around gasped as she saw the curtains, the carpets, and anything else that was stitched, sown, or woven had been turned into the same vile, hideous, unmanageable cloth.

As Rarity backed up against the window, staring about the room in grotesque astonishment, she didn’t notice the two burlap curtains behind her slowly reaching up towards her throat. Neither did she notice the large burlap sack of flour on top of the filing cabinet, nor the sinister way in which it loomed down at her in anticipation.

Twilight cautiously climbed the stairs leading to the attic loft, Pinkie’s room. It seemed like a logical place to start her search. Of course, as she had said earlier, logic and rational thinking held no meaning here, but she still couldn’t overlook such an obvious spot for Pinkie to be. If nothing else she might find a clue to where the gray mare was hiding.

Peering up over the edge of the floor, the unicorn first thought the room had somehow avoided the forces of chaos that had ravaged the rest of the house. Unlike downstairs, light was pouring into the room from the windows. But as she stepped onto the glossy floor and took a closer look around, she realized that the chaos had invaded the room after all.

Everything was made of stone. The floor, the dressers, the bed, all fashioned out of solid pieces of differently colored rock. Some furniture gleamed with a glossy finish, while others appeared coarse and dull like chiseled granite. Even the windows seemed to be made of fine crystal rather than glass. The almost tile floor tapped loudly under her hooves as she stepped forward into the sunny, yet almost cave like bedroom.

“Pinkie? Pinkie Pie are you in here?”

There was no answer.

“Pinkie, listen. I found a way to reverse Discord's spell,” she continued, using her magic to open one of the stone drawers. Inside were a large number of differently colored and deflated, lead balloons.

“I know we can beat him, Pinkie.” Twilight continued, examining one of the stone party favors. “I’ve already broke his spell on Applejack, Rarity, and Fluttershy. I’m sure I can get you back to normal too, if you’ll just let me-“

Twilight’s words were cut off by a rustling sound from beneath the bed. Jumping a little, the librarian turned toward the noise just in time to see the seemingly stone sheets that draped over the sides… rustle?

Slowly stepping up to the bed, Twilight called out once more.

“Pinkie? It’s all right, you can come out,” she said, her voice soft and gentle. “I’m not going to laugh at you, I promise. I just want to help.”

Reaching forward, Twilight tried to pull back the sheets so she could see underneath, only to find that her hoof met with solid unyielding stone. After struggling with the unmoving sheet for close to a minute and getting nowhere, the unicorn finally stepped back and glared at the obstacle that was quite literally stonewalling her.

“Alright,” she muttered, firing up her horn, “there’s more than one way to make a bed.”

Closing her eyes in concentration Twilight wrapped the entire bed in the familiar, violet aura of her levitation spell. As she focused on her task, she didn’t notice the small pile of rocks on a plate atop a rafter high above her. If she had, she might have noticed the evil shadows that played across its contours, or that the heavy stones were steadily creeping forward to the end of the rafter, and directly above the librarian’s head.

Applejack walked uneasily through the familiar grove of apple trees. Well, it would have been familiar to her, if not for the entire orchard looking like it was covered in volcanic ash. It was almost painful to see her beloved trees so gray and bleak. Even her delectable red delicious looked like unripened zap apples.

“Pinkie Pie! Rarity!” she continued yelling across the silent orchard.

It was useless. There was no sign of either pony, and she was beginning to feel like she had been walking the same lane for hours rather than minutes. Conceding that this had probably been a wild pegasus chase, the earth mare turned back to head back to the doorway to Sugar Cube Corner, provided it was still there of course. She hadn’t taken more then two steps when she was startled by the familiar sound of a falling apple.

“Ah must be gettin’’ jumpy,” she said to herself, giving her head a little shake.

She was about to continue back to the door when she noticed something peculiar about the ‘apple’ that had fallen. For one thing, it wasn’t shaped right, and for another it had color, though not a color she had ever seen on her crops. Stepping forward to get a close look she saw it wasn’t an apple, but some kind of bulb or tuber.

“What in tarnation?”

Looking up, her eyes widened in surprise when she saw that the entire tree was covered in the vegetables. The strange bulbs were pinkish red at the top and milky white on bottom, and were adorning the apple tree like Hearth Warming decorations. Looking around, Applejack was even more stunned to see that every tree within sight had been covered in the foreign vegetation. It was as if the orchard had suddenly decided not to grow apples anymore, and instead began flourishing with these… these…

The farmer wracked her brain as she tried to recall the name of tuber before of her. She dealt very little with vegetables other than carrots and lettuce, but she was certain she knew the name of these ugly things. Radishes? Rutabagas? Rhinos?

She was pulled out of her conundrum as another one of the vegetables fell from the tree, this time hitting her painfully on the shoulder.

“Oww!”

Applejack stepped away from the tree quickly, rubbing the spot she had been struck as a bruise began to form. She may have been built tougher then most mares, even by earth pony standards, but sweet Celestia that thing had hit like a bucking bowling ball. Her reflexes twitched just in time to for her to sidestep another falling whatever-it-was, this one narrowing missing her head and making a small crater as it hit the soft dirt. The farmer gulped. It was definitely time to go.

Stepping into the middle of the lane, Applejack began trotting purposefully towards the barn; well outside of the reach of any bombing not-apple trees. At least, that’s what she thought until she heard the sound of rustling leaves and noticed the black and white world had just grown considerably darker around her. Looking up, she saw the branches of the looming trees reaching out and interweaving over the path, forming a tunnel around the earth pony.

“Awww, crabapples,” the farmer deadpanned as new buds of the kamikaze, death vegetables started to form above her.

Breaking out into a full sprint, Applejack wove back and forth amongst the raining produce. Even more troubling was that the vegetables were falling in front of her too, littering the path and forcing her to focuses less on speed and more on where to put her feet to avoid tripping and breaking an ankle. Still, Applejack wasn’t the all time Ponyville rodeo champion for nothing. As she dodged between the falling vegetables and the gathering clusters that formed roadblocks in front of her, only a few of the rock hard tubers were able to meet their mark. Wincing as another purple and white vegetable struck her back, she continued to rack her brain on to what to call the confounded things.

“They ain’t potatoes…” she mumbled, jumping over a small pile of the rapidly gathering bulbs. “Ah know they grow in the ground like potatoes… or carrots. Ah think they’re a bit more like carrots.”

She weaved left as a sudden shower of the things fell to her right.

“They look like over grown radishes...”

She spotted the end of the lane up ahead. She was almost out.

“Sounds like… parsnips 'er… catnips….”

Breaking forth from the tree line, Applejack sprinted a few more yards before slowing to a stop so she could catch her breath. Two hundred or so yards she had run hadn’t been a very long or strenuous run by any stretch of the imagination, not for her anyway. But between the threat of being buried alive under a shower of purple and white what’s-its, and taking a fair amount of hits to her back and flank from the things, she felt her accelerated heart rate was justified.

Her brief down time was cut short when she felt something whiz by her head. Looking back, the farmpony watched as the entire orchard reeled back like an army of catapults.

“Aw now tha’ jus’ ain’t fair…”

She barely had time to turn around before the trees lurched forward, hurling their deadly produce into the air with such great numbers they blotted out the gray sun overhead. Applejack felt two of the projectiles strike glancing blows to her flank and back as others began falling on all sides like the first raindrops before a hurricane. Even with her speed, she knew she’d never make it to the shed in time. She bolted for the barn instead, praying that it could stand up the wall of flying tubers that was descending upon her. Racing for her life, she suddenly remembered what the blasted things were called.

“That’s it!” she yelled, looking up in pride as she reached the open barn. “TuripaaAA WHOA!”

In her moment of recollection, she had neglected to watch where she put her feet. Just as she had reached the doorway into the barn, she felt her front hooves collide with something on the floor. She was sent flying tail over teakettle across the floor; rolling like a cut loose wagon wheel until she collided painfully with the wall. Groaning, she slowly rubbed her sore and uncovered head. The Stetson lay a few feet away, having flown off in her spectacular quadruple cartwheel. She could tell from the way her spine was bending she landed upside down with her back propped up against the wall. She also felt like she had taken first place in a piñata imitating contest, almost every part of her body felt sore and beaten. The adrenaline still pumping through her blood helped deaden the pain, but she knew she’d be sore for a few days. Nothing she couldn’t walk off of course. Unlike unicorns and pegasi, little things like extensive bruising never kept a healthy earth pony down for long.

She tried falling sideways to right herself, but her flank was stopped by a wall, leaving her neck at an even more uncomfortable angle then before. Opening her eyes, Applejack found herself, not in the barn, but in a small broom closet opening back into the downstairs hall of Sugar Cube Corner. The floor in front of her was littered with turnips which seemed to have spilled from an overturned tin bucket in front of the open door. Rolling forward onto her feet, she accidentally crushed one of the vegetables under her back hoof.

“Ewww,” she groaned, pulling her foot up from the mushy, rotten turnip.

After picking up her hat and replacing it on her head, Applejack reached for a nearby rag and began wiping the foul smelling compost off her foot. She had just finished when she heard an all too familiar shrieking from upstairs.

“Hold on, Rarity!” Applejack yelled back, getting a curious feeling of dejavu. “Ah‘m a comin’! …An’ ya better be there this time!”

Fluttershy continued sneezing and coughing up a dust storm in the dingy dining area. It was worse then when it was shedding season for all her animal friends. The dust was everywhere, filling her nose, mouth, and eyes every time she tried to breathe or look around. She was completely trapped in this suffocating fog.

Wait a minute… fog, that was it!

Closing her mouth and eyes tightly, the yellow pegasus began flapping her wings in a wide circular motion. It was a technique she had been taught in flight school for clearing away foggy could banks with out bowing them back in her face. Though she may not have been a weather pegasus like Rainbow Dash, she had been forced to perfect this particular technique after getting lost ever time she fell into a loose cumulus cloud as a filly.

Spinning her wings like a windmill, Fluttshy was able to blow away most of the dust, creating a small pocket of breathable air around her. The large pile of lint on the plate next to her stubbornly remained in place however, the shadows making up its menacing “glare” growing deeper.

Finally able to breath, Fluttershy took a deep breath of clean air and felt the world stop spinning so much. As she slowly eased down the rotation of her wings, letting the dust settle gently on the tables and floor again, the demure veterinarian felt her nose tickle slightly. Remembering her manners, though still feeling a bit light headed, Fluttershy turned her head, but only partially covered her mouth, facing the angry ball of lint on the table. T

“Ah… Ah… Ahhh…”

The little ball of fluff almost seemed to pale slightly.

“choo!”

Instead of sneezing into the crook of her foreleg, as way polite, Fluttershy missed and inadvertently blew the ball of lint off the plate with enough force to completely disintegrate it. The room immediately brightened. The harsh spotlights that had shown in from the widows spread out and softened, giving back the small dinning area’s quaint and friendly atmosphere. Every partial of dust, grit, and filth evaporated into nothingness, leaving the room spotless and gleaming.

“Did… did I do that?” Fluttershy whispered innocently, looking around in wonder at the restored dinning area.

Her amazement at the transformation was cut short by a surprised shriek from upstairs.

“Hold on, Rarity! Ah’m a comin’!” She head Applejack yell from the other side of the house. “…An’ ya better be there this time!”

Utterly confused, and still a little frightened, Fluttershy dashed back to the front counter and found it just as bright and clean as the dinning area. She had little time to wonder about this transformation either as a determined looking farmpony ran in from the hall and up the stairs, giving her quick wave of the tail to follow.

The two burlap curtains reached out like twin, Burmese pythons for the unicorn’s alabaster throat. Just as they were about to strike, Rarity suddenly hunched over, letting the deadly drapes become tangled up in each other.

“No!” Rarity proclaimed dramatically from her curled up position on the floor. “No, I can not believe my eyes!”

She made certain to enunciate every syllable as she spoke. Standing up on her hind legs, Rarity fell back against knotted curtains, the back of the hoof held theatrically up to her forehead.

“Such a crime against fashion such a tasteless display, such a… travesty against all that is fabulous!”

She didn’t seem to notice that the makeshift hammock she was leaning on was writhing under dainty weight as it tried in vain to untangle itself. Completely absorbed in her own little world, the unicorn pushed off the indisposed drapes and let herself kneel at the foot of the burlap covered bed.

“This once fine, silken bed, a place of comfort and passion…” she moaned, resting her head against the coarse fabric and giving it a pitied stroke of the hoof. “Now ruined! Not fit for dog! Or a even flea!”

She collapsed into mattress in a flood of exaggerated weeping and tears. Meanwhile at the head of the bed, the brown, woven sheets began to raise up, looming over the unicorn and flaring out like a gigantic cobra ready to strike. As it reared back, Rarity opened her eyes and gasped. A split second later the burlap serpent struck with lethal force at the exact spot where the fashionista’s head had been resting. The unicorn was gone however, having flown at almost Rainbow Dash speeds into the closet just as the serpent had begun its descent.

“By my stars!” she exclaimed, holding up a long burlap funnel she had seen hanging up from the bed. “This… this can’t be… no… No!”

Behind her, several of the former scarves suddenly reared up like vipers, their tasseled ends bending and hardening into rows of needle sharp fangs.

“A Little Black Dress? Discord! You… maniac!” Rarity screamed, stepping out of the closet and narrowly missing the lunging scarves as the flung into the wall behind her.

“Is there nothing sacred to you?” the unicorn wept, holding the burlap dress in her forelegs as if it were an injured foal. “You have attacked my friends, ravaged my home, clouded my mind with your wicked lies, but this!”

Her eyes clenched and brimming with tears, Rarity didn’t see the strange and terrifying audience that was forming around her. The python curtains had untangled themselves and had detached from the wall to cut off any escape through the window. The massive bed sheet cobra had slid down to block off her only path to the door into the hall, and the scarf vipers slithered out of the closet and coiled up like rattlesnakes in front the doorway.. She was surrounded on all sides by abominations of nature and fashion, and slightly behind her to the left, still sitting atop the filling cabinet, the industrial sack of flour glowered over her triumphantly. Rarity still was completely oblivious to all this of course. Looking directly up as the ceiling, the unicorn proclaimed,

“This is, without doubt, the Worst.”

The curtains and bed sheets reared back.

“Possible.”

The scarves opened their strange and dangerous jaws.

“Thing!”

With that final word, Rarity went for broke and dramatically fell back onto the tall wooden cabinet behind her, hiding her face and as she forced the cabinet to rock back and forth. The burlap sack atop it to sway dangerously before pitch forward. The synthetic serpents watched helplessly as the bag toppled over the side, careening towards the unicorn’s sharply tipped head.

Just as she was about to open her eyes and collect herself, Rarity felt the heavy sack impaled itself upon her horn, covering her eyes and sending the unicorn into a state of surprise and panic. Naturally she screamed, tossing her head and batting at the foreign object that had attached itself unwillingly to her face. As she struggled, the bag tore open further and spilled its pale contents all over the already alabaster fashionista. Now confused, scared, blinded, and with a snout full of flower, Rarity began jumping about the room and bucking wildly in an attempt to dislodge her unwelcome passenger from her head, spreading flower over the entire room as she did so.

She was so busy with bucking like a rodeo pony she didn’t notice the miraculous changes that were taking place in the room. Not the burlap serpents falling limp and changing back to their proper cottons, woolens, and silks. Nor the brightening of the room as it once again became the Cake’s private love nest.

No. All she saw was flour and white burlap as she danced around the room and screamed like a madmare.

The pile of rocks inched closer and closer the edge of the rafter, as the purple unicorn beneath grit her teeth and growled with the failing effort of trying to raise the stone bed. She just could not understand it. She had lifted water towers and entire Ursa Minors before, but she couldn’t get one measly slab of granite three feet off the ground? Unaware of the danger she was in, the unicorn closed her eyes and redoubled her efforts, just as the pile of stones above her began to teeter slightly over the edge.

Suddenly, her concentration was shattered by a courageous squeak from somewhere in the rafters. Her magic dissipated as she looked up to see a tiny, green, toothless alligator charging across the beam over her head towards the pile of rocks.

“Gummy?” Twilight asked, recognizing Pinkie Pie’s unusual pet.

The reptile continued to squeak his battle cry as he leapt at the sinister stones and began viciously attacking them with all the ferocity his toothless jaws would allow. The librarian stepped back to better watch as the Deus Ex Alligator struggled with his hard skinned opponent. The two “battled” for almost thirty seconds as Gummy scratched and nomed at the oversized pebbles until he finally forced them over, sending them rolling off the plate, along the rafter, and away from the purple librarian beneath. As the triumphant pet gave one more valiant squeak, the room began reverting back to its normal, less cave like state.

Twilight turned to watch in amazement as the hard stone melted away from the floor and furniture like ice thawing under the warm sun. The liquid rock rolled off the dressers and bubbled up from the floor with a soft hiss, leaving a cool steam that quickly dissipated. Once the room was fully back to normal, and it was surprisingly normal considering who it belonged to, Twilight heard a soft impact behind her. She turned to see the baby alligator standing atop the once again soft and bouncy bed, staring blankly off into space with one of the rocks he had fought with beside him.

“What did you do, Gummy?” Twilight asked, stepping forward and reaching out to pet the reptile.

Gummy just stared off into space; his eyes blinking slightly out of sequence as Twilight gave him a grateful nuzzle with her hoof. The gator gave her a gentle nom in return, his expression completely blank as usual.

A loud series of panicked screams echoed from downstairs. Without thinking, Twilight bolted for the noise, leaving Gummy and the rock alone on the bed. As soon as she was out of sight, the alligator’s purple eyes narrowed to glare at the rock beside to him. He gave the stone a quick swipe of the tail and knocked it into the waste paper basket with a satisfying clatter. His job done, Gummy curled up on his mistress’s bed and took a well earned nap while he waited for her to return, preferably with a fresh bag of gummy worms.

Twilight arrived at the second level hall just a moment behind Fluttershy and five seconds behind Applejack. The screaming had died down now and without any sound to guide them, the three ponies had no clue to the unicorn’s whereabouts.

“Where is she?” Applejack asked Twilight as they skidded to a halt in front of the middle door.

“In there I think,” the librarian answered, gesturing to the door on her left. The three lined up in front of it.

“Okay,” Twilight said, her magic enveloping the door’s handle. “On the count of three. One, two-“

Before she could finish, the door behind them burst open and expelled a large cloud of white powder. The three friends turned and saw an equally white figure step out, a limp sack covering its face as it coughed into its foreleg. The three friends screamed at the ghostly looking figure, electing a scream back in response as the thing rearing up in surprise. Applejack, always one to act rather than think in tense situations, tackled the apparition back into the room while Fluttershy ducked to hide behind Twilight. The farmpony and the pony in white wrestled around for a while until the empty sack flipped up and Applejack saw a familiar set of sapphire blue eyes.

“Rarity!” the farmer exclaimed, pinning the unicorn beneath her.

“Applejack!” the unicorn replied, recognizing the farmer’s own emerald greens and freckled features.

“What in the hay are you doing?” Applejack asked, making no move to get off of the unicorn.

“I could as you the same question,” Rarity replied coyly, looking up at the orange pony looming over her,. “But, perhaps you might let me up first?”

“Oh! Ah… o’ course.”

Applejack carefully stepped off of the fashionista as she felt the bruises on her back and flank moan in protest. Despite the pain, the farmpony apologetically helped Rarity to her feet as Twilight walked into the room, dragging Fluttershy along as she clung to the librarian’s tail.

“You see Fluttershy, it’s just Rarity,” Twilight explained calmly, “Nothing to get excited over.”

“O-oh… sorry,” the pegasus apologized, releasing the unicorn’s tail and hunching over to hide behind her flowing pink mane again.

“Nothing to get excited over!” Rarity protested, as Applejack pulled her to her feet “I’m almost offended, Darling. I should think I am plenty to get excited over.”

On instinct, she attempted to flip her mane indignantly. Unfortunately, the bag flopped down over her face again causing her to give a surprised yelp and eliciting a giggle from the earth pony beside her.

“Here, let me get tha’ for ya,” Applejack said, grabbing the sack with her teeth and gently pulling it free of her friend’s face.

“What happened in here?” Twilight asked, looking around at the disheveled and flour splashed bedroom.

“A horror story which I will not feel comfortable relating until I have made Mrs. Cake a new wardrobe,” Rarity answered, kicking the tangled sheets at her feet in disgust. She straightened up in surprise when her hoof connected with the soft material.

“What? But, this was…”

The fashionista picked up the soft material in her hooves to examine it. It was splotched with flour, but it was once again made of cotton. Confused, she looked up at the closet across the room. Even from where she sat she could make out the bright colors of the fabric’s within. She also cringed a little as the saw Mrs. Cake’s “LBD” while once more made of velvety silk, was also covered in flour.

“I… I don’t understand. Everything in the room, it was…”

Words failed the unicorn as she struggled to explain what had happened. As she gaped around at the room, Applejack

“Sugar Cube, wha’ever you say, Ah’ll believe ya. It can’t possibly be weirder then what Ah jus’ went though,” Applejack said, taking the flour covered bedspread from the completely white unicorn and dropping it back on the ground with a soft ‘flump.’

The action of dropping the bedspread kicked up some of the remaining flour, which in turn tickled Fluttershy’s nose. The pegasus panicked upon feeling a sneeze welling up and she immediately shut her eyes and mouth. Her wings sprang out at her sides and she began spinning them as fast as she could, blowing away the remaining flower in the air with such force it also blew away most of what had settled in Rarity’s mane.

“Whoa! Fluttershy, take it easy!” Twilight said quickly covering her face as she felt herself pushed back slightly but the pegasus’s efforts. After a moment, Fluttershy realized what she was doing and hastily closed her wings.

“Oh! I’m sorry. It’s just, it was really dusty down stairs, and I when I tried to clean up I started sneezing and sneezing and then… well, I sneezed, and everything became clean again…”

The three looked at her in absolute confusion.

“Tha’ must’a been one dozy of a sneeze,” Applejack said finally.

“I think you must have disturbed some kind of magical talisman,” Twilight explained. “In Pinkie’s room, I saw Gummy knock over a pile of rocks. When he did, the room became normal again. I think it was a kind of focal point for the chaos. Once it was destroyed it, or at least broken it apart, the spell broke too and the room went back to normal.”

“Ah remember tripping over a bucket o’ turnips jus’ before Ah came back,” Applejack said, rolling her stiff shoulders uncomfortably.

“And I probably overturned half the room trying to get that frightful thing off my face,” Rarity admitted, her face going slightly pink.

“Hmm,” Twilight said, putting a foreleg to her lips and going over the information available. “…It looks to me like the rooms in here are all connected to different talismans of chaos. If we break the talisman, we break the spell on the room. We break enough of them, and we should break the spell on the whole house.”

“An’ if we break the spell, we find Pinkie Pie,” Applejack finished, catching on.

“Right, well… that’s the theory anyway. I say we stick together this time and see if we can find anymore rooms that still look strange. I think the talisman may be related to what changes are affecting the room, so that should give us a clue as to what to look for.”

“Sounds like a wonderful idea to me, Darling,” Rarity agreed, glad they weren’t going to try splitting up again. Fluttershy nodded for the same reason. As they stepped into the hall, the Rarity turned to the farmpony next to her,

“Applejack darling, what did you mean before when you said, ‘just before I came back?’”

“Oh, well… Ah’m not entirely sure to be honest with ya,” the earth pony replied, coming to a stop and scratching her head. “Ya see, Ah was walking down the hallway, when all o’ a sudden I hear you calling mah name from the closet see, an’-”

“What? But darling, I heard you whistling for the closet in there,” Rarity interrupted, also coming to a stop so she could point back at the room they had just come from, not noticing it was on the opposite side of the hall she had originally entered it from.

“Huh? No, you were in the closet downstairs,” Applejack said, “Ah heard you call my name and everythin’.”

“What are you two talking about?” Twilight asked as she and Fluttershy trotted back to see what was holding up the two mares.

“Rarity says Ah’ was in the closet,” Applejack explained. “Which Ah wasn’t. Well, Ah mean Ah was, but only cause she was in there first.”

“My dear, you were the one whistling “Dixie,” I was simply curious.” Rarity replied dismissively.

“Curious mah flank.” Appljack huffed. “You were yelling mah name from the start! Ah reccon Ah should o’ known better then ta go chasing after yer sorry flank though. It’s gonna be a week ‘fore Ah can sit down comfortable like again.”

“Applejack, what on earth are you talking about?” Rarity replied looking at the apple farmer in confusion. “I can understand you getting a few bumps and bruises while we were rolling about, but you were on top most of the time. If anypony has the right to feel a bit sore it’s me,” the unicorn said, rubbing her wrists where Applejack had held her down. “You can be a bit ruff when you take charge, darling.”

“Well Ah apologies fer tha’,” Applejack said honestly, “but tha’ wasn’t wha’ Ah was refferin’ too. Ah talking about when Ah was still in the closet. It was down righ’ scary, wha’ with everything looking so black and white... Twilight why you lookin’ at us like that?”

The unicorn was looking at the orange and white mares as if they had just sprouted wings. Fluttershy on the other hoof, was merely politely confused.

“What? Oh, um… nothing.” Twilight answered, suddenly blushing and finding it difficult to look directly at her two friends. “Just… You two were both in the closet?”

“Well… Ah guess to each other we were.” Applejack replied, looking at Rarity uncertainly. The unicorn nodded and looked back at Twilight in confusion.

“But… you not in the closet anymore?” Twilight followed up.

“Well of course not, darling,” Rarity answered. “We’re right here in front of you.”

“No I meant…” the librarian began, but she was cut off by a faint giggling.

At first she thought it was Fluttershy, but when she turned around to chide her she saw the yellow pegasus looking back at her in confusion as the giggling grew louder. As the four friends huddled together, the giggle turned into a chortle, and then into familiar, full blown, mirthful laugh. As they tried to pinpoint the location of the sound, the laughter became louder and louder. Then it somehow drifted up through the ceiling, echoing down the stairs from Pinkie’s room. Before they could make for the stairway however, the source of the laughter changed again, this time coming from outside. The four ponies raced to the nearest window and flung it open just in time to see a grey blur rush past them as it tumbled off the roof, laughing like madmare and turning bubble gum pink as it fell. The pink pony landed, fluffy tail up, in a small catering cart. As the four friends raced downstairs and out the front door they could hear Pinkie Pie’s laughter the whole way.

“That was great!” The pink pony gasped though fits of laughter, pulling her head free and reclining back in the cart, unable to stand for her crippling laughter. “Closets! How did I miss that?” She cried, falling back in another fit of giggles.

“Um… Ah take it she’s back to normal?” Applejack asked as Pinkie fell back into another fit of giggles.

“As normal as Pinkie Pie can be,” Twilight answered with a relieved smile. “Come on, let’s just pull her along until she settles down a bit. We’ve got to find Rainbow.”

The friends all smiled back and Applejack silently hooked herself into the cart, wincing slightly as felt the straps dig into her bruised back. Her discomfort did not go completely unnoticed, and before she could take a step forward, Applejack felt a sudden warmth start at the base of her skull. The feeling quickly raced down her spine and spread out to relax the sore muscles along her back, flank, and legs, not healing them exactly, but making the pain ebb away till it was practically unnoticeable. Applejack gave an involuntary sigh as the warmth flowed through her. Once it had finished its work, she turned her head to see a white glow fading from her body, as well as from Rarity’s horn.

“Just a little ‘pick-me-up’ spell,” the unicorn explained quickly. “It, um, should help with the soreness you mentioned.”

“Oh, um… thank ya kindly, Rarity,” the farmpony said, a slight blush forming on her cheeks.

“Anytime, Applejack,” the unicorn responded brightly, stepping up to join Twilight and Futtershy.

Applejack smiled and began pulling the cart along as Pinkie continued spurt out nonsense and laugh uncontrollably.

“Oh my gosh are we shipping!” the pink enigma suddenly cried, “Cause I love shipping! Can I be shipped? Oh please, oh please oh pleeeease? Wait a second, I am being shipped! I’m being shipped off to Rainbow Dash!” She fell into another crippling fit of laughter after that. For the rest of the trip the best they were able to make out amongst the her giggling was,

“I turned gray! Can you believe it?”

After Discord was defeated and harmony had been restored, the Cakes were seen leaving the bakery with their clothing very disheveled, but looking quite content. When asked where they had been, the couple replied that they had hidden in their cellar once the chaos had hit, and “done inventory” while they waited for it to blow over.

Six months later, Mrs. Cake gave birth to twins, one a unicorn, the other a pegasus. The doctors were able to confirm that both foal’s did belong to Mr Cake, though they also mentioned that odds of such a thing happening were 101,010 to 1 which, as one Derpy Hooves pointed out, is also happened to be the Canterlot mailing address of one Octavia Philharmonica, and her roommate, Vinyl “D.J. Pon3” Scratch.

Derpy was promptly handed a muffin, and thanked for the mail.