What's in the Bottle?

by Cobalt Swirls

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Random
Length: 3580

Common sense dicates that when one finds a mysterious bottle on the ground in the middle of nowhere, that you shouldn't ingest it. But curiosity is a powerful thing, and it leaves the question, what could it be that's inside of that bottle?

There are numerous ways to ensure one makes it to the age of twenty alive and unharmed, and not many of them include picking a mysterious bottle up off of the ground and drinking what's inside. Curiosity tends to be a playful and mischievous mistress, and she has no problem stirring things up for a little entertainment. And of course, the true question still remains...

...what is inside of that dang bottle?!

Published 2013-08-01 15:40:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-08-01 15:40:02 UTC

Just a Sip

“Ugh, I hate going out here, it’s so creepy.” Rainbow Dash muttered under her breath.

“What’s wrong sugarcube?” Applejack smiled and winked playfully, “You afraid of the dark?”

“N–no! The Everfree Forest just gives me the chills is all,” she shivered. “Especially at night.”

“Oh there’s nothing to it!” Pinkie Pie giggled. “I know, let’s sing a song while we go through! That way Dashie won’t be so scared!”

“I’m not scared! And you better not start singing!”

“When I was a little filly–”

“PINKIE PIE!” the remainder of the group shouted.

“Okay, okay. Party poopers…” she pouted.

Rarity, who had only been a few paces behind Twilight, sped up to match her gait. “Twilight, could you please enlighten the rest of us about where Pinkie stores her limitless amounts of energy?”

Twilight shook her head as she guided the group further into the grove of trees. “At this point Rarity, I just chalk it up to Pinkie Pie being Pinkie Pie,” Twilight turned her head to get a good look at the last member trailing in their group. “You alright, Fluttershy?”

“Y–yes,” she replied softly. “I’m actually in here quite often with my animal friends, s–so I should be alright.”

Twilight nodded. “Alright, but if you feel the need to go back please don’t hesitate to say something.”

“Thank you, Twilight.” Fluttershy smiled.

The group moved ever deeper into the forest while the trees and atmosphere whispered sweet nothings of death and destruction in their ears. The air was warm but this was to be expected of an early summer night. The girls listened to the sounds of crickets and other assorted insects as they continued along a faint trail through the brush. It was hard not to appreciate the little things the forest offered, but it was easy to acknowledge the fact that the forest housed beasts of turmoil and fret. One always had to be on their utmost guard when trekking through the Everfree Forest.

“Now, Twi, do you mind reminding us what it is we’re looking for exactly?” Applejack suddenly said, breaking the silence.

“The Zasimilian Salamander. It’s a small creature, about 3 inches long, with a bright orange body and a slender white streak down its back. Supposedly this salamander releases a very calming scent, one that has been known to cure bellyaches, migraines, and even minor symptoms of the flu. He would be a pretty nifty guy to have around.

“We won’t be h–hurting him, right?” Fluttershy asked in a slightly concerned voice.

Twilight smiled and shook her head. “No, of course not. We’ll make sure he’s well tended to.”

“Oh wait! I think I see one!” Rainbow Dash yelled as she dove into the bushes. The rustling of leaves and branches was heard for several moments before Dash emerged again with a look of triumph on her face. She uncurled one of her hooves to reveal a small orange lizard with a thin stripe on its back. The girls eyed it carefully until Pinkie shook her head and spoke.

“Nope, sorry Dashie. That’s not it.”

“What do you mean this isn’t it? Little, orange, white stripe, boom. Here ya go.”

“That’s actually the Nortarian Copy Lizard. It assumes the identity of a different species of lizard in order to draw prey in. Notice that the stripe on its back is actually a tint of beige and that its tail size is disproportionate to the rest of the body. This a rather common side effect the lizard experiences when the transformation isn’t given proper time to be completed,” Pinkie finished.

The other girls stared in awe at the pink mare. Twilight looked down at the lizard, who flicked his tongue, and then back at the girls. “She’s right…”

“Of course I am silly! Oh, fun fact about these lizards! When they get hungry, they can quadruple in size, making them big enough to eat a full grown pony!”

“NOPE!” Dash curled her hoof back and chucked the lizard as far as she could into the forest, much to Fluttershy’s chagrin.

Twilight turned to her hyperactive friend. “Pinkie Sense?”

“Pssh, no! Just common sense!”

Applejack stared deeper into the woods. “Well, ah guess we’ll have to keep looking,” she said disappointedly.

“Twilight, if you don’t mind me asking, why did you ask all of us to come? Surely, two or three ponies would have been enough?” Rarity asked.

“The salamander tends to be extremely quick and nimble, so I figured the more hooves we had the smoother things would go. Besides, we’ve all been so cooped up lately; I thought it might be nice to do something together for a change.”

“Alright I’ll buy that,” Rainbow Dash started. “But why a lizard hunt? Why not just go swimming or something?”

“Well, I’ve been meaning to get this little guy for some time now, but I’ve consistently put it off. I thought I’d kill two birds with one stone.”

“Hm well then let’s keep looking!” the rainbow mare shouted.

The girls continued to follow the trail while remaining vigilant in hopes of spotting the Zasimilian Salamander. The night sky twinkled with Luna’s bright stars through the canopy of the forest. The air was cooler than it had been before, but the summer heat prevented the temperature from dropping any farther than it should have. The sounds of birds, insects, and other assorted animals joyously called out in the night sky. It was a beautiful night.

As quickly as Twilight’s mind had wandered she came back to her senses when she heard the shifting of leaves in a cluster of dark green bushes to her left. She stopped in her tracks, as did the rest of her friends. Using non-verbal communication, Twilight signaled them to get into position. She nodded at Rainbow Dash, who smirked and quickly flew into the bushes. Several seconds later, she popped back out holding yet another lizard in her hooves. Smiling giddily, she once again revealed what was in her possession. The girls turned to Pinkie, who nodded in approval.

“We got him.”

The girls cheered while Dash placed the lizard on top of her head. It peeked over her bangs, and flicked his tongue out at her forehead.

“Hee hee. I kinda like him,” she said as she pranced around with the small orange salamander on her head. She was too busy having fun with her new friend to notice the sound of the ‘tink’ behind her.

“Rainbow Dash, what just fell out of your tail?” Rarity asked.

“Huh?” The mare swiveled around and lifted her tail to reveal a clear glass bottle underneath her. The top was sealed by a wooden cork and the thick body of the bottle itself contained with it, a dark purple liquid. Out of curiosity, Dash picked up the bottle and examined it closely. “It’s a bottle with something inside of it, but I have no clue what.”

Twilight motioned for Dash to give her the bottle. When she took it, the purple liquid inside sloshed to and fro. She held the bottle up to her face and peered inside. The bottle itself seemed ordinary, but the liquid inside was still a mystery. Using her magic, Twilight pulled the cork off of the bottle.

“What is that stuff, Twi?” Applejack asked.

“I’m not entirely sure,” she said. She poured a drop onto a nearby leaf to test for acidity, but the plant did not react.

“Maybe we should leave it be. It could be dangerous…” Fluttershy suggested.

Rarity nodded. “I’m inclined to agree with Fluttershy on this one darling. That… whatever that is, could very well be poisonous.”

“Oooor it could be a delicious treat!” Pinkie Pie announced jovially.

“Come again, dear?”

“Don’t you guys remember? The fifth annual Bake and Walk celebration was last week! The trail that the chefs take runs through part of the Everfree Forest. Maybe this is something they left behind!”

“Perhaps,” Twilight said as she took a whiff of the substance. “But it appears to be odorless, so I can’t identify it by smell either.”

“Well, one of us could always drink it,” Rainbow Dash suggested skeptically.

“Do YOU want to be the one to try it out?” Applejack retorted.

“I didn’t say anything about that–”

It took no time at all for the hyperactive pink mare to throw her hoof in the air and wave it back in forth like a palm tree in a hurricane. “Oh oh oh! Pick me! Pick me!”

“Oooh no,” Twilight shook her head. “You’re the LAST pony we should be giving a foreign substance to.”

“Nonsense!” she said swiping the bottle from Twilight’s magical grasp. “I wonder what flavor it is! Grape? Raspberry? Oh well, only one way to find out!” She lifted the bottle to her lips.

“Pinkie wait!” Fluttershy yelled in a way only she could, but it was too late. Pinkie had already ingested a small amount of the purple liquid. She pulled her mouth away and smacked her lips together.

The girls stared at Pinkie, waiting for her to fall over, combust into flames, or any other number of horrible outcomes. Instead, the mare passed the bottle to Rainbow Dash with her head held low. Her poofy hair suddenly deflated and seconds later, the girls began to hear whimpering. They could see tiny streams of tears which soon turned into rivers. She collapsed onto the ground and by this point, she was outright bawling.

“Pinkie!” Rarity quickly drew the mare into a hug and patted her back. “Sweetie are you alright?”

Pinkie Pie nodded yet she continued to cry into Rarity’s shoulder. The girls watched for several minutes as the trembling party pony sunk into Rarity’s hold. Eventually, her immense crying subsided into sniffles and then ceased altogether. She pulled away from her friend and wiped the remainder of the tears from her cheeks.

“Well that was bizarre,” she said as she tried to regain her composure.

“No kidding. So this stuff makes ponies cry?” Rainbow said as she brought the bottle up to her eyes. Without warning, her salamander friend leaped from his perch on her head and landed headfirst into the neck of the bottle. He flicked his tongue out and lapped up some of the liquid. When Dash was finally able to pull him out of the bottle, she couldn’t have been prepared for what happened next.

The salamander hopped up on two legs on Rainbow’s hoof and began to dance. With moves so fresh they belonged in the produce aisle, the salamander casually had a one-lizard dance party with himself.

“Oh. My. Gosh. Guys, tell me you’re seeing this." Rainbow made an effort to wave her friends over, but was careful to avoid disturbing the lizard.

The girls couldn’t help but giggle at the little salamander as he performed better than any pony the girls had ever seen. He leaped back onto Rainbow Dash’s head where he began to spin on his own. He somersaulted along the orange streak in her hair and then quickly twirled around on one of his squishy digits. Then, as suddenly as it had begun, the salamander stopped dancing, and stared blankly into the forest.

“That was awesome!” Rainbow squealed.

“Well, that was certainly an unexpected reaction,” Twilight remarked as she rubbed her hoof on the back of her head. “At least it doesn’t appear to be lethal.”

“Lethal? This stuff is great! I gotta have dance moves like the little guy here!” With that she thoughtlessly gulped down a portion of the purple substance. Her face tingled slightly and there was no real discernable taste, but she was feeling something nonetheless. She was feeling something powerful, something uncontrollable. She was feeling the urge to scream.

Rainbow Dash let loose an ear shattering howl. “No! No, please!” She continuously begged to no-one in particular. She tossed the bottle into Fluttershy’s open hooves, which inadvertently caused some of the liquid to splash onto her face, some of which made it in her gasping mouth.

Rainbow Dash sunk into the ground and curled into a fetal position, while the salamander quickly scurried off of her and onto the brim of Applejack’s hat. She continued to scream in maddening fear whilst shivering uncontrollably. Her eyes were wide open and scanned the forest around her for some presence which could not be identified. After a moment her screams gradually grew duller and duller. But in her recovery, something else was amidst.

Fluttershy smirked and walked over to Rainbow Dash, who was just beginning to get her bearings again. The other girls watched curiously as Fluttershy set the bottle down in the grass and stood over the downed mare. She moved her face dangerously close to Dash’s, prompting the rainbow mare to give her a quizzical look. Then, without warning, Fluttershy quickly dragged her tongue across Dash’s little nose, and then licked her lips in satisfaction.

“Hey tiger,” she winked.

“WHOA! Rainbow scurried out from under her friend, nearly knocking the bottle over in the process. Her face was beat red and she was having difficultly forming a coherent sentence whilst staring at her friend’s half-lidded bedroom eyes.

“Flut–Fluttershy?”

“Aw, what’s wrong?” Fluttershy asked, bringing her hoof under Dash’s chin. “Pony got your tongue?”

Rarity and Pinkie Pie stifled a laugh while Twilight used her magic to once again pull the bottle in her grasp. It was only half-full at this point, having been consumed by three mares and even a salamander. “Whatever this is, it seems to temporarily enhance a single particular emotion. I’ve never seen anything quite like this,” she admitted.

“Do you think there’s a way it can make Fluttershy less… adventurous?!” Rainbow Dash asked as she backed her way into a tree. The yellow pegasus had her cornered and she knew it. She walked toward her, purposefully swaying her flank back and forth until Dash could feel her breath on her face. Rainbow closed her eyes, expecting the expected, but it never came. When she opened her eyes, she saw Fluttershy rubbing her head with one hoof while propping herself up with the other. Upon looking up, the once again timid pegasus gasped and quickly retreated, covering her face in embarrassment.

Rarity switched magical grasps with Twilight so that she took could view the mysterious purple liquid. She eyed it, but then shook her head and scoffed. “Well I for one have no intention of consuming any of this,” she stated matter-of-factly.

Rainbow Dash gave her an irritated glance and began casually walking in her direction. When she was close enough, she swiped the vial from midair and quickly put it to Rarity’s lips. Too surprised to react properly, Rarity unintentionally swallowed a bit of the purple fluid. She pushed herself off of the mare, and stared at her, horrified. This horrified look slowly melted into one of anger, and shortly after, one of rage.

“Why you insignificant twerp!” Rarity began to charge at Rainbow Dash, but was quickly restrained by Applejack and Twilight. She fought against the two furiously, spitting clever insult after heinous swear word.

“I ought to beat your skull in you walking crayon box! Let me at her!”

Rainbow Dash smirked and turned around. She threw her backside into the air and began to shake it back and forth, taunting the white mare even more. “Man! What’s in this stuff?” she said in between laughs.

“Your mom!”

“I wish I knew,” Twilight said as she continued to hold Rarity back from mutilating Rainbow Dash. She gradually felt her tugs become less and less violent over time and when they had subsided altogether, she released her hold on her friend.

Applejack walked over and sternly pried the vial from Dash’s hooves. “Now how dare you go and put your friend through somethin’ like that. Ah reckon that’s not somethin’ you’ll want to try again. Cause next time, I ain’t gonna help stop Rarity.”

“Oh my, that was most unladylike of me. My apologies for you girls having to hear such vulgar language.”

“Don’t sweat it!” Pinkie cheered.

Applejack clutched the bottle in her hoof and looked at the other girls. They eyed her, almost expectantly as she gazed at the bottle, then to her friends and then back again.

“What?”

“Oh come on cowgirl! You got the bottle now, so youuu have to try it!” said Pinkie.

“Ah–ah dunno…” she hesitated. She glanced over at Twilight with a pleading look. “If I do it, will you?” she asked.

“I suppose at this point we’re all supposed to stick a hoof in the grave. I guess,” Twilight sighed dismissively.

Applejack gulped and drew the bottle to her lips. She closed her eyes and let drop by drop trickle down her throat. It was cold, and it made her shiver, but regardless she continued to down it, leaving just a little left.

She removed the bottle and hoofed it over to Twilight. Applejack’s face contorted slightly as the purple fluid kicked in.

“Uh, AJ, you alright?” asked Rainbow Dash.

“Alright?” she replied. “How can ah be alright when ya’ll have such nice looking fur! It ain’t fair!” she pouted. “How come EVERYPONY else gets to look so gosh darn cool and colorful and ah’m just a boring ol’ orange! Ah’m like this here salamander! And this dusty ol’ brown hat? I bet Rarity has all kinds of fancy new hats that she get’s to wear whenever she gosh-darn well pleases! But noo, little farm girl Applejack just gets the used and beat up stuff!”

Rarity’s eyes lit up. “Applejack! I’d would be most pleased to make you a new h–”

“Oh, so now ya’ll wanna rub it in huh? ‘Applejack’s too poor for nice things, so we’ll just make her a hat from straw and dung. She won’t notice,’” she mocked.

The girls watched as the envious Applejack turned her back to her friends and walked off into the bushes. She disappeared for several long moments while the girls waited in anticipation. Finally, after several minutes, the country mare stumbled back to her friends, looking as if she was suffering from a severe hangover.

“Oh nelly. That’s not something ah plan to do again in the future.” She brought her hoof to her mouth. Her face was looking a bit more green than orange. “Ah’m just glad the effects wear off quick. Alright Twi, your turn to find out your secret emotion.”

Twilight glared down at the last remaining droplets in the bottle and sighed. They had all just thoughtlessly ingested an unknown substance with unknown side effects other than a quick flare of emotion. It could kill her in ten days, or she could grow bat wings, or, nothing could happen at all.

“Well, if I’m gonna die it might as well be with my friends. Bottom’s up!” she said as she tilted her head back and consumed the remainder of the substance. She didn’t really feel much of a change, and after a moment she simple shrugged and tossed the bottle on the ground. “Guess it doesn’t affect me.”

Twilight stretched her hooves out and laid down on the comfortable grass. She yawned and through her hooves behind her head and closed her eyes.

“Um, Twi, what exactly are you doin’” Applejack questioned.

“Shhhh, you’re too loud,” came Twilight’s lazy reply. “Can’t you see it’s nighttime? Nighttime is for sleeping. That’s why I’m getting really comfy. To sleep.”

Rainbow Dash was having a hard time containing her fits of laughter. Her normally anxious, over-worried, and super Type-A friend had turned into a fiend of strict laziness, not unlike Rainbow Dash herself. She happily pranced over and picked a spot on the ground next to her friend.

“Twilight, welcome to the life of a slacker,” she said proudly.

“It’s good to be here,” she replied.

Twilight found herself drifting off slowly into a peaceful sleep. It wasn’t until her head bumped into Rainbow Dash’s that she took notice.

“Hey, Twi, wake up,” Dash prodded, but the mare refused to do so. She rolled over and snored lightly, covering part of her fur in grass and dirt.

“Ah wonder how much of that was the purple stuff and how much of that was her actually bein’ plum tuckered,” Applejack stated.

“No kidding.” Dash pushed her muzzle under her friend’s belly and hoisted Twilight onto her back. “We should get going guys; it’s getting pretty late.”

One by one the girls started trotting out of the forest. The salamander peaked over the brim of Applejack’s hat and jumped back over to the familiar perch of Dash’s head. As the girls kept walking, Fluttershy found herself stopping and looking back at the empty bottle on the ground.

“What was that stuff?”

Meanwhile…

Dancing freely in his newly designed kitchen of conundrums, a certain draconequus was absently-mindedly tending to the various assortments of spices and seasonings that complimented any well refined dish that he ultimately didn’t care for whatsoever. His pot of boiling minotaur horns was coming along nicely and it was nearly time to add the rattlesnake fangs and granite rocks into the mix.

With a chuckle and one-toothed smile, Discord causally opened one of the many floating cupboards and scanned through them. Not finding what he needed the first time, he stuck his head in again, this time throwing out all kinds of rather nonsensical items from within the cabinet.

“Now where did I put it…?”