Chapters Once upon a time, there was a magical unicorn named Twaylite Sporkul. Twaylite Sporkul had a teacher named Princess Celestia.
One day Princess Celestia told Twaylite Sporkul she was going to become a princess. Twaylite Sporkul was all like "Forget you," and ran off into a mirror portal where there were human versions of all of Twaylite Sporkul's friends and enemies.
Twaylite Sporkul met a human version of Trixie and got into an epic staring contest with her. Trixie was all like, "I'm going to stand here and stare at your face and list five thousand ways I'm better than you." Suddenly Twaylite Sporkul punched Trixie in the face, sending them into an alternate dimension.
Twaylite grabbed Trixie by her collar and growled, "You cannot understand my power, for I am..."
"TWAYLITE SPORKUL!"
Twaylite punched Trixie again, sending them back into the other dimension. Trixie was about to say something and eat some peanut butter crackers, but she fainted when she saw a bear moonwalk past a couple of basketball teams.
Suddenly Twaylite Sporkul was kicked over into a mud puddle. When Twaylite Sporkul looked up, Twaylite Sporkul saw a human Discord. "Did you miss me, Twaylite Sporkul?" He was wearing all of the Elements of Harmony.
"The Elements of Harmony will defeat you, Discord!" Twaylite Sporkul tried to grab Twaylite Sporkul's crown crown, but Discord slapped Twaylite Sporkul's hand away and blew a raspberry at Twaylite Sporkul, then ran away yelling "LULULULULULULU" endlessly. Twaylite Sporkul got up and ran to the castle where a human Princess Celestia was eating a banana. Twaylite Sporkul began kicking Princess Celestia.
Celestia was shocked and almost choked on her banana. "Twaylite Sporkul! What is the meaning of this?!"
"You are a horrible ruler and unworthy to be ruler of Equestria and you're a bad ruler and you smell bad!" Suddenly, a human Queen Chrysalis threw a knife at Celestia's heart, killing her immediately.
Changelings filled the room. Chrysalis laughed evilly. "Go, my changelings, FEED! Feed on love and happiness and smiles and rainbows and whatever it is we eat! Uh, what do we eat?"
While Chrysalis was momentarily confused, Discord appeared out of nowhere and punched her in the face, knocking her out on impact. Discord laughed mischievously, which is totally different than evilly because Discord is just a chaotic neutral even though he acts like some crazy corrupted maniac. "I AM THE ONLY KING HERE!" King Sombra was about to say something, but Discord flicked him, killing him immediately.
The changelings turned into Discord and bowed to Discord. Discord yelled, "BOW TO ME, MY SUBJECTS!" Eventually, the changelings got up and tackled Discord and there was a bunch of fighting. Eventually, one Discord was left.
"I'm the real Discord now! OH! Oh oh oh OH! Oh!" He started moonwalking and killed the moonwalking bear to make sure he didn't sue.
Twaylite Sporkul went back through the portal back to Twaylite Sporkul's normal world and found out there were a bunch of weird creatures there. There was a blue hedgehog arguing with Rainbow Dash, a yellow fox, a red echidna, two humans in overalls one wearing a red shirt the other wearing a green shirt, a midget human with a huge mushroom on his head, and a Tasmanian tiger wearing shorts and wielding boomerangs.
Fluttershy trotted to the tiger. "Well, hi there! I don't think I've ever seen an animal like you before..."
"Uh, hi, mate, I'm Ty." The tiger had an Australian accent and seemed a bit nervous. He wouldn't stop messing with his boomerangs, constantly twirling them around.
Fluttershy beamed. "Ohh, you can talk! That's so wonderful. My name is Fluttershy, and I have lots of little friends! I know! Let's go to my cottage!" Fluttershy took Ty's paw and trotted to her cottage. "I'm sure we'll be great friends!"
Pinkie Pie started bouncing on the mushroom midget, who burst into tears. "Mario, HELP!"
"Toad, go help-a yourself! I'm-a tired of having to save-a you from everything! First-a goombas, then-a item boxes, now-a pink horses!" The human in overalls wearing the red shirt stomped away. "Come on-a, Luigi. I need-a some spaghetti!"
The human in overalls and green shirt watched Pinkie Pie bounce on Toad. "Uh, what are you-a doing?"
Toad continued wailing. The human in overalls and a green shirt left to follow Mario.
Twaylite Sporkul trotted over to Pinkie Pie. "Pinkie Pie, that thing is alive and annoying!"
"Oopsies!" Pinkie Pie giggled and stopped bouncing on Toad. "I thought you were just an overgrown mushroom!"
Toad continued wailing. Twaylite Sporkul trotted away, wondering what in the heck was going on. Then Twaylite Sporkul bumped into Discord.
"Well, hello, Twaylite Sporkul. Do you have any idea what's going on? Because I sure don't." Discord scratched his head.
Twaylite Sporkul was immediately confused. "But Discord, everything is all chaotic! How do you not know what's been going on?"
"Well, I've been busy lately! I'm trying to make this guy actually do something chaotic, but all he does is sit there and do nothing!" Discord held up a grey pegasus with creepy ice-blue eyes. He had a bored expression on his face. Twaylite Sporkul poked him and he did nothing.
Twaylite Sporkul looked confused. "Discord, are you sure he's alive?"
Suddenly the pegasus talked. "Of course I'm alive."
Discord screamed and threw the pegasus. He landed in the background with an explosion. Discord sighed and walked away. "Well, time to go eat some paper."
Twaylite sat down and looked at everything that was going on, feeling very very very very very very confused.
The hedgehog and Rainbow Dash were racing in the background.
All of a sudden, Twaylite Sporkul heard a loud cry for help coming all the way from Canterlot Castle. At first Twaylite Sporkul was confused about how Twaylite Sporkul could have possibly heard such a thing all the way in Ponyville, but then Twaylite Sporkul realized that only one pony has capable of creating such an annoying noise: Twaylite Sporkul's teacher, Princess Celestia.
Twaylite Sporkul galloped to Canterlot Castle and burst inside only to see an ugly lizard-turtle-spike thingy knocked out in front of Celestia's throne. Celestia screamed again. "Its spikes are clashing with my style!"
The ugly creature got up and scratched itself. "Ugh... this doesn't look like the Mushroom Kingdom."
"It TALKS?! Its voice is clashing with the background music I put up to make ponies ignore the screams of torture coming from the dungeon downstairs!" Celestia burst into tears.
Twaylite Sporkul kicked the ugly creature in the face. "What the heck are you?"
The ugly creature got up and roared at Twaylite Sporkul, breathing fire as it did so. "I'm Bowser, king of the Koopas!"
Princess Celestia zapped him with her magic. "I'm Queen Chr- I mean, Princess Celestia, ruler of Equestria!"
Bowser burst into tears. "That hurrrt! What did I do to deserve such cruel treatment?!"
Mario and Luigi appeared out of nowhere. "There he-a is! Let's-a get him!" They began kicking and punching Bowser.
Bowser breathed fire on them, disintegrating them. "Why aren't they reincarnating to come and try and kill me again?"
Twaylite Sporkul laughed. "That's ridiculous! Why in all of Equestria would such a thing happen?"
"That's what always happens. They fight me, I kill them, they come back, they defeat me, I run away back to my castle and lie in bed and suck my thumb." Bowser stared at the pile of ashes blankly.
"Well, I can assure you they're not coming back anytime soon." Twaylite Sporkul scooped up the ashes and threw them away.
Bowser began laughing evilly. "Finally! I will be KING! I will take over this pathetic kingdom, and I will be KING!"
Suddenly the Hydra stomped in and ate Bowser, then puked him back up. Except he didn't puke up all of Bowser, just the spiky inedible chucks. The Hydra stomped back to the Everfree Forest, fully satisfied with its meal.
Twaylite Sporkul shook Twaylite Sporkul's head. "Everything is crazy!"
The yellow fox walked in. "Tell me about it. One of the ponies was amazed that I had figured out a teleportation device, even though she was using her horn thingy to teleport! I swear, the locals here are so..."
"Well, they're not going to expect a FOX to know how to teleport! She must've assumed you were using magic somehow. That's the only way an Equestrian can teleport, and the only Equestrians who teleport are unicorns or alicorns!" Twaylite Sporkul stared at the fox like he was crazy. "Who and what are you?"
"I'm Miles Prower, but you can call me Tails."
"I'm Twaylite Sporkul. So, uh, Tails, how did you get here?"
Tails thought for a moment. "Well, I was pulled here from my universe into this one. Unfortunately, since it's not a parallel universe, I stayed in this form instead of adapting to the most common type of life, which would apparently be an Equestrian."
Twaylite nodded. "Okay. So, do you have any idea what your universe would be called? Is it an original or a spinoff universe? We have a spinoff universe where we become these hideous creatures that look like bald monkeys."
"Well, I think it's a spi-" Tails was cut off by Rainbow Dash flying past him, followed by the blue hedgehog running as fast as he could. "Wow, Sonic's actually losing."
Sonic stopped and turned around, a blank look on his face. He zoomed over to Tails. "I never lose. Do you hear me, punk?" His face contorted into pure anger and he grabbed Tails by the neck. "I! NEVER! LOSE!"
"B-but you're losing right now!"
"NO I'M NOT!" Sonic let go of Tails and ran after Rainbow Dash again.
Tails and Twaylite Sporkul watched as Sonic tried to catch up. Discord appeared behind them. "Look! I found a puppy!" He held the red echidna up, who was struggling to get away.
Tails was confused. "Um... that's not a puppy, that's Knuckles. He's an echidna." Tails poked Twaylite Sporkul and whispered, pointing at Discord, "What IS that thing?"
"That's Discord. He's a draconequus and the Lord of Chaos." Twaylite Sporkul sighed and shook Twaylite Sporkul's head.
Knuckles grunted and tried punching Discord. "Let go of me, you mutated freak!"
"Oh, boy, the puppy talks! Can you do tricks? Roll over!" Discord put Knuckles down, who, to Discord's dismay, ran away as fast as possible. Tails ran after Knuckles.
Twaylite watched them run away. "Discord, you know you're not supposed to have a pet until you're housebroken."
Discord crossed his arms angrily. "It's not my fault if I have to use the bathroom and the nearest one is five miles away!"
Twaylite Sporkul facehoofed. "You can teleport! I've seen you do it!"
"But I'm too busy going to the bathroom to teleport."
Twaylite Sporkul got a jetpack and was all like NOTHING TO DO HERE and went somewhere else.
Sonic and Rainbow Dash were racing in the background.
Twaylite Sporkul found out Twaylite Sporkul was in Appleloosa. Braeburn ran up to her. "Welcome to-"
Twaylite Sporkul put Twaylite Sporkul's hoof in his face and pushed him away, then yelled, "WHERE AM I?" Before Braeburn could say anything, Twaylite Sporkul galloped away and ate a pie Twaylite Sporkul had found. The buffalo who was about to eat the pie started crying. Twaylite Sporkul made Twaylite Sporkul's way back to Ponyville.
Apple Jack met up with Twaylite Sporkul. "Everythin' is goin' crazy, Twaylite Sporkul! Ah cahn't imagine why!"
Twaylite thought for a moment. "I know what I must do." Twaylite ran away and got a book of spells. "This was Starswirl the Bearded's Book of Boring Spells Only Eggheads Like Twaylite Sporkul Will Ever Bother To Actually Read. There's a secret unfinished spell. If I cast it, everything will be okay!" Twaylite Sporkul flipped to the back of the book. " 'Peas are delicious, I want them on my flank instead of my normal cutie mark. Let's switch.' What the heck? That doesn't even rhyme!" Twaylite looked at Applejack, who was trying to make a fancy dress. She had Rarity's cutie mark. "Buck."
Twaylite Sporkul rubbed Twaylite Sporkul's eyes and stared at Applejack in disbelief. "What happened?!"
"What're you talking about, sugarcube? This is always want I've done." Applejack finished the monstrosity on the sewing machine. "Do you like mah dress?"
"That's a DRESS?!" Twaylite Sporkul gasped and galloped to Sweet Apple Acres. Pinkie Pie had turned into Pinkamena and was trying to shove Granny Smith into the cider press.
"Oh, hi, Twaylite Sporkul. I'm just trying to make some cider, but stupid Granny won't-" She gave a final push and Granny Smith was gone. Cider leaked out of the press.
Twaylite Sporkul gagged in horror. Granny Smith wobbled out from under the cider press. "You coulda KILLED me, ya crazy pony!" She hobbled away, muttering under her breath.
Pinkamena sighed. Twaylite Sporkul saw that Pinkamena had Applejack's cutie mark. Twaylite Sporkul galloped away, panicking.
Rainbow Dash was racing with Sonic and wasn't affected by the spell.
Twaylite Sporkul ran around her library. "What am I gonna do?" Suddenly Twaylite Sporkul got a random idea. Twaylite Sporkul gathered all her friends together and made Applejack buck apples, Pinkamena entertain people, Rarity make dresses, and Fluttershy take care of animals. All of a sudden their lives flashed before their eyes and their cutie marks returned to normal. Twaylite Sporkul disappeared and everypony started screaming.
Twaylite Sporkul looked around. "Is this my subconscious?..."
Princess Celestia came out of nowhere. "Doesn't matter. It's time for you... to fulfill your desti-neeeeeeeeeee!"
"Wait, what's my destiny? Isn't my destiny technically my death? Are you going to kill me? Please don't, I promise I'll stop eating your cake when you're not looking!"
"Don't be silly, by des- wait, you eat my cake?" Celestia was shocked.
Discord's voice came out of nowhere. "Can we hurry up with this already?!"
"Discord?"
"Don't be silly, Twaylite Sporkul! Why would I need Discord? It's not like he can give/take away wings/horns and therefore is my only way of making you into an alicorn princess!" Celestia laughed.
"I thought I already told you, I don't WANT to be an alicorn princess!" Twaylite Sporkul began pouting.
Discord's voice appeared again. "Look, I'm outta here! Twaylite Sporkul, you get wings!" Twaylite Sporkul suddenly had wings on Twaylite Sporkul's back.
Twaylite Sporkul gasped. "I... I was going to be a princess all along?! Why didn't you say so?!"
Princess Celestia stared at Twaylite Sporkul blankly, then burst into tears and galloped away.
Rainbow Dash and Sonic were racing in the background.
Twaylite Sporkul woke up in her library, surrounded by all of Twaylite Sporkul's friends except Rainbow Dash who was racing with Sonic. "Guys, I'm an alicorn now!"
"Uh, we saw." Applejack sighed and trotted off. "Crazy Canterlot pony."
Rarity started squealing with delight. "I can design a whole new wardrobe for you! You'll need holes for the wings, and maybe a few crowns, saddles... plenty of jewels, of course..."
Twaylite Sporkul sighed and smiled. "You are all the best. And Rainbow Dash is awesome, too. I hope she wins."
Pinkie Pie started bouncing around. "Well, of COURSE she'll win! Now, let's have a party!"
Discord appeared out of nowhere with the grey pegasus again. "Look, I taught him a new trick!" Discord poked the grey pegasus' face. He blinked.
Twaylite Sporkul shook Twaylite Sporkul's head. "Well, at least we know he's alive."
"I want some butter." Discord screamed again and threw the pegasus again.
Twaylite Sporkul facehoofed. "Discord, if you want him to do something, why do you throw him whenever he talks?!"
"Because his voice is scary and annoying!" Discord's voice was annoying, more so than usual. Twaylite Sporkul facehoofed.
Out of nowhere, Derpy appeared. Muffins fell from the sky. A loud voice said, "And now for your daily dose of muffin." Derpy disappeared and so did the muffins. Hundreds of bronies ran after Derpy but soon lost sight of her. They all burst into tears.
Twaylite Sporkul shook Twaylite Sporkul's head. "Even as an all-powerful alicorn, I am powerless to stop this horror. If only Derpy would stay longer, we wouldn't have this brony infestation." Twaylite Sporkul began shooting beams of magic at the bronies, sending them back to their native planet one at a time.
Discord sighed and disappeared. Pinkie Pie had already decked out the library in full party attire or whatever. She began bouncing around hyperactively. "Party time!" She shoved a cupcake in Twaylite Sporkul's mouth. "CUPCAKE FOR THE ALICORN PRINCESS!"
Twaylite Sporkul swallowed the cupcake. The room was filled with random background ponies, all except for Derpy. A lone brony burst out crying. Twaylite Sporkul sent her back to her home planet. The background ponies chattered aimlessly. Pinkie Pie went around shoving cupcakes in everyone's mouth. Everything was going splendid, according to Pinkie Pie. But according to Twaylite Sporkul, something was wrong. She could feel it.
Out of nowhere, the most hideous creature anypony had ever seen appeared. It looked like it was from the planet Earth, but mutated horribly. The hair was long and ugly. It looked like it couldn't decide whether it was a boy or a girl.
Pinkie Pie gasped in horror. "It's.... it's... IT'S A JUSTIN BIEBER! EVERYPONY RUN FOR YOUR EARS' LIVES!" Everypony screamed and ran out. But Twaylite Sporkul stayed. Twaylite Sporkul had to be brave and defeat this gruesome monster.
The Justin Bieber began to sing. Twaylite Sporkul's ears began to bleed. Twaylite Sporkul shot a beam of magic at him, but it only made his horrid voice just a little quieter. Twaylite Sporkul made the beam of magic as strong as Twaylite Sporkul possibly could.
In a loud explosion, the Justin Bieber was silenced. It stared at Twaylite Sporkul, then said to Twaylite Sporkul in its horrible voice, "You cannot kill me. My fans keep me alive. As long as they are dumb enough to think what I sing is actual music, I SHALL LIVE ANOTHER DAY!"
Twaylite Sporkul sent it back to its home planet. "Earth beings... when will they learn the difference between music and... that?"
The background ponies returned and started cheering. "HOORAY FOR PRINCESS TWAYLITE SPORKUL!"
Twaylite Sporkul beamed. "I suppose being princess really WAS my destiny!"
"Of course it was, darling!" Rarity threw a fancy dress on Twaylite Sporkul. "Now, tell me what you think of this dress I made for you!"
Twaylite Sporkul sighed. "It's nice."
"NICE?! It can't just be nice! It has to be gorgeous, beautiful, exquisite, perfect in every way!" Rarity started crying. "This is THE! WORST! POSSIBLE! THING!"
"Actually, THIS is!" They all turned to see who had said such a thing.
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Chapter Number Whatever Comes After Three And Before Seven Or Is It Nine?
The thing that had said the words was none other than Trixie Lulamoon. Everyone turned around and ignored her completely. Trixie roared like a lion and shot a huge beam of magic at everypony. "PAY ATTENTION TO TRIXIE! NOW!"
Twaylite Sporkul sighed. "Trixie, nopony cares. Last time you came here, you were just a braggy brat."
"But now the Great and Powerful Trixie has something to back it up!" Trixie showed off her new necklace, the Alicorn Amulet. Trixie shot a beam at everypony. Instead of magenta, it was red colored magic. Trixie laughed evilly. "Finally, the Great and Powerful Trixie will be the ultimate unicorn!"
"Too bad you're not an ALICORN, 'cause then you'd be as good as Twaylite Sporkul!" Pinkie Pie laughed.
Twaylite Sporkul facehoofed. Trixie stared at Twaylite Sporkul's wings, then used her magic to take them and dye them the color of Trixie's coat. "The Great and Powerful Trixie is now the Wonderful and Magnificent Princess Trixie Lulamoon! Bow to me!" Since she was a princess, everyone except Twaylite Sporkul bowed. Twaylite Sporkul ran to the Everfree Forest.
Twaylite Sporkul burst into Zecora's hut and started screaming. "ZECORA TRIXIE STOLE MY WINGS AND NOW SHE'S A PRINCESS!"
Zecora sighed. "Little filly, you have much to learn. I know it is for wings you yearn. But you must be patient and tricky. Otherwise, your wings will belong to Trixie."
"So, can you give me a potion that will kill Trixie?"
"Well, I must say to do so, we must make a deal. You have to find me jewel-encrusted wheels."
"WHAT?!" Twaylite Sporkul groaned and conjured up fifteen wheels encrusted in beautiful gemstones. "Fine. Now what?"
"Roll these wheels after your enemy. Soon you'll find around here she won't be seen." Zecora sighed and went back to the cauldron, stirring and mumbling to herself.
Twaylite Sporkul grabbed the wheels and galloped to Ponyville. Twaylite Sporkul waved the wheels in front of Trixie's face. Trixie began screaming. "Are those WHEELS?! The Wonderful and Magnificent Princess Trixie Lulamoon doesn't trust WHEELS!"
Twaylite Sporkul laughed triumphantly. "Give me my wings back!"
"Fine. Do you want me to take the Mayor out of the birdcage as well?" Trixie gave Twaylite Sporkul Twaylite Sporkul's wings back.
"Nah, nopony really cares about her." Twaylite Sporkul stroked her fluffy wings. Rainbow Dash and Sonic were racing in the background.
The mayor yelled from her cage, "Can I have some food?"
"Sorry, I ate it all." Twaylite Sporkul waved the wheels in Trixie's face. "Are you going to leave now, or do I have to-"
"I'LL GO! I'LL GO! But this isn't the last of me! Mark my words, Twaylite Sporkul, I WILL return, and I WILL win!" Trixie ran away crying like a baby. "No more wheels, no more wheels, no more wheels..."
Twaylite Sporkul shook Twaylite Sporkul's head. "I can't believe how crazy everything has been lately! Firs Discord was reformed, then I became a princess, then a bunch of other crazy stuff happened. It's crazy, I tell you, crazy! What's next? Another magic antagonist that was a former student of my teacher's whose trying to take over Equestria with an army of brainwashed teenagers even though it's a ridiculous battle plan, as seeing Equestria has a huger amount of well trained guards that would do anything for their nation led by perhaps not the smartest but one of the best army leaders in this universe that we know of?"
"Uh..." A demonic red pony with creepy eyes that were completely black except for a light aqua blue iris and yellow-and-red striped mane stood at the door, shuffling her hooves uncertainly. Behind her was a huge crowd of teenage ponies, all brainwashed. There were a couple other demon ponies, one blue, the other orange. "Maybe this wasn't the best time to come through the portal..."
"You know about the portal?!" Twaylite Sporkul was shocked. "Only Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, and Princess Mi Amore Cadenza know about that! Oh, and I know about it too."
"Well, duh, stupid. I was Celestia's student once, but then she wouldn't let me have any cake. So I found a portal to another world and took over. The high school, to be exact. Now, I'm finally going to get that delicious cake!" The pony laughed evilly again. "By the way, I'm Sunset Shimmer."
"EVERYPONY RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!" Pinkie Pie bounced in front of everything. "IT'S SUNSET SATAN!" Everypony except for Twaylite Sporkul, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, and Applejack ran away as fast as they could.
Sunset Shimmer groaned and facehoofed. "Not Satan, SHIMMER! Sunset SHIMMER!"
"With the Elements of Harmony, we can defeat you! We just need Rainbow Dash..." Just then, Rainbow Dash trotted in, beaming.
Behind her was Sonic, crying his eyes out. "It's not fair, it's not fair, I totally won, I never lose! I NEVER LOSE!"
Rainbow Dash facehoofed. "What a baby! Swallow your pride for once, dude! I won! You lost! Deal with it!' Sonic sniffled and walked away sobbing. "So, what's going on?"
"Well, we need to get the Elements of Harmony to defeat Sunset Satan!" Twaylite Sporkul thought for a moment. "Where was the last place I saw the Elements of Harmony?"
Discord appeared and gave them their Elements of Harmony. "Here you guys go. I don't want them anymore. They were all pretty and shiny, but I have other shiny things, and they're even shinier than these! I hope you're not jealous!" He ran away laughing mischievously.
The Mane Six put their Elements on and defeated Sunset Satan in a torainbow which is like a tornado except it's a rainbow colored tornado. The torainbow spread to the other demons and also stopped the mind corruption of the teenagers, who immediately began moping and whining about going home. Twaylite Sporkul sent them all back through the portal, including Sunset Shimmer and her ugly henchmen who looked exactly like Snips and Snails. Everything was back to normal.
Sorta.
Everything exploded and only one pony had survived.
Princess Luna looked around all the decay and sighed. "I TOLD Celestia not to eat that cake..."
