Lessons for classes

by HareTrinity

Rating: everyone
Tags: Romance, Snails, Fleur de Lis, Diamond Tiara, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 3155

When an adult Snails inherits a fortune, Diamond Tiara finds herself in charge of making him presentable. Can she turn him into a gentlecolt to win the bet with Fleur, and will she find more than she bargained for?

After an adult Snails inherits a fortune, Diamond Tiara finds herself in charge of making him presentable. Can she turn him into a gentlecolt to win the bet with Fleur, and will she find more than she bargained for?

Published 2014-07-16 14:10:03 UTC
Last updated 2014-07-16 14:10:03 UTC

The bet

There is a city that clings to a mountain and, in contrast to that dark and earthy surface, the city itself is of brilliant white with golden spires dripping up to the heavens. The whole city is connected by a vast network of bridges, stairways, arches, and streets: pathways forever bustling with life in the daytime and rarely unwalked by night. This is the ancient city of Canterlot, heart of Equestria, a place of unlimited possibilities. However, on this particular night a party most tedious was being hosted in one of its buildings.

Duchess Old Money was the event's host and in the lower rooms of her establishment and pouring out into the gardens around them were her guests: various representatives of the upper classes of Equestria. There were several grand figures there tonight who had already had too much of the punch and, in spite of their jewels and fine linen, they bumbled around like so many overfed felines. The younger generations and others who still needed to fight for their place in the hierarchy had generally kept their wits about them, and weaved through the crowds as they looked for ways to further secure their foothold on the social ladder. It was a dull affair but, thanks to my heritage, I was forced to attend.

I'd secured myself a chair to one side of the dance floor. This was one of the better places as onlookers would assume that I had tired myself out and refrain from bothering me for the inane chitchat that was so common at these events. Of course, I was supposed to be socialising, at least in the sense of making connections, increasing my family's visibility, and helping to keep those around us aware that Ponyville had ponies worth dealing with. Indeed, I'd spent an hour doing such things before deciding I was probably due a break of at least twenty minutes. The food itself had quickly killed my appetite (it was no doubt expensive, but nonetheless disgusting) and I'd never been one for dancing. With socialising, eating, and prancing about like a fool off the list, the only option really remaining was to sit by myself and wish I could have caught some awful illness that prevented me from coming.

"Diamond, there you are."

I jumped at the sound of my name. My father had sought me out.

"Daddy, I can ex-"

"Be a dear and see if you can't help him, hm?"

My father nodded to his side, and then glanced over and looked perplexed. "Oh, now where's he got to? Anyway, he doesn't seem to be adjusting well, best go help him as a fellow Ponyville resident, no?"

I followed his gaze as I tried to work out which pony he meant. "Whom do you -"

"Ah, Ms Well-to-do, how well you are looking!"

I frowned. My father was always difficult to talk to at these events, and now that he was again caught up in conversation I was left with the mystery of just whom he was requesting I go to the aid of. I could have interrupted his talk for clarification, but that risked getting dragged into another long talk about politics, and so I decided to wander around the party and to see if I could work it out. After all, I hadn't much else to do, and my father would be upset if I ignored his request to continue hiding in the dance hall.

In the next room I found some Ponyville residents at the hors d'oeuvre table. There, trying to pick one of the dry, tasteless, morsels for his plate, was Squeaky Clean, the accountant. He was a nervous but agreeable pony with friends in high places: qualities that often saw him invited to these events so that those friends might call him over to talk rich ponies out of drunken ideas. His friend Piggins, who'd obviously had a long visit to the hair dressers before coming, was with him, but not showing much interest in the poor excuse for food. The normally-scruffy pony was whispering something to the accountant that was causing him to blush wildly. Well, no change there then. My father must have meant somepony else...

Yet who else could have been the Ponyville resident in question? Persnickety, perhaps? It seemed unlikely though, since, despite owning land there, he didn't visit the village often, and to be honest I wasn't even sure he was present at the event.

And neither's Silver Spoon, I thought bitterly to myself, sighing a little. Silver Spoon's rich new coltfriend had paid for her and her parents to go on a cruise, which was probably the main reason I'd found this party so outstandingly dull. I wandered into the garden, looking for others from Ponyville. Mostly it all seemed in order, with several ridiculously wealthy ponies waddling about on the lawn discussing the economy. Then my eyes fell upon a pony sitting over by the flowerbeds. Ah. Of course. Him.

The event that lead to him being here had come as quite the surprise. Of course, it had been well known that Lord Oak Tree, who had himself inherited the land from Lord Money Tree, had outlived his wife and had no child to inherit his wealth. It had also been known that his best friend had for a long time been his gardener before the old mare's passing, and that he'd taken very quickly to his new gardener when a replacement was needed. Still, to leave the estate to a village idiot because the colt could handle pruning hedges seemed absurd. After all, how would someone with his upbringing adapt to life like this? Not well, it seemed, for right now the fool himself was sitting at the edge of the lawn, pawing at the dirt with one hoof.

Walking casually so as not to draw attention, I approached him. He didn't notice me and continued harassing the earth. He had grown quite large before he finally stopped growing, and the garden work had developed muscles that filled out his stature somewhat, all of which just added to the ridiculous nature of the scene.

"Snails!" I hissed though clenched teeth, maintaining my smile in case any were looking. "What do you think you're doing? Get up."

"Shan't."

"Excuse me?" I looked around to check nopony was nearby, then turned my attention back to him. He was frowning, brow furrowed, avoiding my gaze, and for all the world looked like he was sulking at one of the gatherings of Duchess Old Money.

"I don't wanna."

"You insolent little -!" I caught myself and, taking a deep breath, returned as calmly as I could to a quiet whisper to spell things out to the stallion before me, "Snails, this is an important event. We can't let these people think that those from Ponyville would rather play in mud than mingle; we'd be a laughing stock! What's the matter with you?"

"I'm bored. There's nuthin' to do here. The food's yucky and nopony wants to hear about anything but money and-"

"Snails! We have the reputation of Ponyville to think of! You don't want to disappoint all those ponies, do you?"

He eyed me suspiciously. "Why're YOU worried? Since when've YOU cared about upsettin' ponies?"

His diction made me want to cringe, but I controlled myself. "What are you talking about?"

"You was always mean back in school."

Ugh. I could almost hear that he still thought that "school" had a "k" in it. My patience was wearing thin.

"Well, at least I never brought an Ursa Minor into Ponyville on a rampage!"

His expression changed instantly: His eyes widened, his ears fell back, and his lips started to tremble. Oh no. He wasn't going to, was he?

Tears started to well up in his eyes as he stammered out the words, "I... I never m-meant to m-make-"

"Shh, shh!" I hushed him, glancing over my shoulder. Ponies were starting to stare. I took a step forward and gingerly patted him on the back. "There, there! All in the past now, so let's focus on making a good impression here, shall we? How about you start by standing up, hm?"

"I-I wanna g-go home..."

"Hey, Diamond! Who's this?"

I looked away from the quivering pony to see a handsome young unicorn stallion standing next to me.

"Gold? But if you're here, then where's -"

"Tiara, darling, who's your little friend?" a mare's voice crooned.

I tensed up and leaned closer to Snails to quietly command, "Get up. Now." A new level of urgency must have been conveyed in my words for, with a slight stumble, Snails got to his feet and stayed quiet. I straightened up and turned to face the pony addressing me.

The tall mare who had spoken was flanked by a group of six stallions of varying ages, with Gold Plate being one of the youngest. I'd known all this earlier in the night and had gone out of my way to avoid her, even though I knew she was prone to seek me out on whim when bored. I should have known she'd pick now.

"That's Diamond Tiara, thank you, Fleur." I could hear the slight strain in my voice betray the anger boiling up inside me, yet I still endeavoured to keep my face a rigid mask of polite manners. Fleur merely returned my smile sweetly and nodded towards Snails.

"From Ponyville too, isn't he? A friend of yours?"

Ugh, please! I thought to myself, but out loud I went with, "Is Ponyville not known for its close-knit and friendly community?"

Fleur smirked. "Pray tell, dear, if you're such good friends then why has he spent so much of this party by himself?"

"I'd been busy socialising, and, I regret to say, did not notice that he had ended up alone."

"But you have noticed now?"

My eyes narrowed slightly. I didn't like how Fleur was directing the conversation. However, needing to stay courteous, I quickly covered my suspicions with a look of mild and curious confusion. "Of course?"

"So, you'll be helping him to fit in?"

Oh no. I fought the urge to speak my mind and, teeth gritting, held my smile in place. "...Obviously."

Fleur had me where she want me, and it practically oozed out of her. With a flourish, she moved to a new pose, partially draped over Gold Plate, and she exclaimed, "Oh, how lovely! The poor dear's been looking so out of place that I couldn't help but worry for him! Pray tell, how long do you think it will take you?"

I gestured with a hoof to indicate that the matter was trivial. "Oh, who can put a time on these things? He's not used to this sort of life, after all, and it would take a while for a former gardener to pick up the subtleties of it all."

With another flourish of limbs my conceited antagonist had adopted a new pose, still draped over Gold Plate but now more upside down. "You know, once upon a time I found myself in charge of helping a pony of... Lesser birth, shall we say. Same as you now, I had to help him find his footing in this kind of life."

"Fascinating," I responded flatly.

"It only took me a week," she purred.

The whole boastful thing sounded like a fabrication, but two could play at that game. "Well then, I suppose that's how long it'll take me!" I smugly replied.

Her eyes fastened onto me like those of a cat that had just spotted twitching in the undergrowth, and a wide smirk spread over her features. I forced myself to hold my ground, but my mind was panicking: Clearly I'd stepped into whatever trap she had hoped to spring on me, and I was sure that what followed wouldn't be good.

"How about we make a friendly wager on it, hm? Say... Five thousand bits?" Staying on the young stallion, she rolled onto her side to better watch my reaction. "As luck would have it, I was planning a social event to take place in a week, and it would be such a wonderful opportunity for you to show your results!"

"Well, I..." I faltered. "I'm not in the habit of making bets, Fleur..."

"Come now, don't be shy!" she goaded. "I heard you came out well from such a deal the other day. Something about what colour Lady Regal would be wearing, no? And you did mean it when you said you could match my time of one week, didn't you?"

She seemed keen and that was no surprise: I couldn't get out of this without revealing that I didn't think I could match Fleur's supposed talent for teaching lower class ponies proper etiquette. At the same time... One week? To get Snails to fit in? The task seemed impossible, yet being humiliated in a week didn't sound so bad compared to hearing her crow now.

"Well, I suppose I could," I replied, as casually as possible.

"Excellent!" my tormentor declared, springing up onto her hooves. "I'll send you the invite in the mail."

"Great." I felt foolish.

"Do try to keep your schedule clear, won't you?"

"Of course." Few things riled me up faster than being made a fool of.

"It'll probably be at my place, you remember where that is, don't you?"

"Mm-hm," I affirmed, holding back insults.

"Oh, it'll be on the invite anyway."

I was starting to glower, though still keeping my lips from twisting into a snarl.

"Anyway, we'll all be there to see how well you've done with your dear little coltfriend there, hm?"

I forced the words out, "I look forward to it."

"Until then, Tiara, toodles!"

Fleur turned around and, the crowd of stallions following, pranced off back inside. The few ponies who had been watching the spectacle now turned their attention to me. Damn that she-devil and her attention-seeking tricks! I stormed off towards the bottom of the garden to cool off. None of ponies from the party had wandered so far into the unlit area, and it gave me some space to myself.

"Diamond Tiara?"

What was I going to do? The best choice would have been to say something came up, but that conniving mare had rather ruined that option's credibility with her request that I free up my schedule. She had too many connections to let a fake emergency past and if I tried she'd no doubt show me up...

"Diamond Tiara? Hey?"

"What?" I growled, not bothering to turn around. My charge had followed me.

"Are we going out?" Snails asked.

That was enough to break my train of thought. "Excuse me?"

"I think she called me your coltfriend, and you -"

I groaned and turned to face him. "Of COURSE we're not going out, you oaf! She was just trying to rile me up!"

His ears flopped back and his face clenched up in confusion. "Why would she do that?"

I snorted in an unladylike fashion and started to pace up and down alongside a flowerbed. "Because she's a horrible pony, that's why! Always surrounding herself with stallions, and none of them can ever see how repulsive she is. They fall for her and follow her around like gullible little ducklings... "Oh, she isn't so bad, Diamond!" they tell me, and what a lot of nonsense that is! She even tried it on my father once, can you imagine? That -" I caught myself before I swore "- that thing with my father? He politely made it clear that he wasn't interested, of course, but I wasn't happy about her trying, and once she realised that she had it in for me. You know she stole my coltfriend?"

Snails' eyes widened. "So we have to rescue him?"

"What?" I stopped pacing to stare at him, and realisation followed a moment later. "No, Snails, she didn't abduct him, she just got so cosy with him that he decided he'd rather be one of her followers than go out with me." I sighed and looked at the flowerbed to my side. Damn Gold Plate and his fickle nature...

"Oh. Well, that's not very nice."

"No, it wasn't... He's still nice to me, but I don't really see him outside of these events any more, and at times like that she's never far from him. I can try to talk to him with her there, but she always steals the conversation away with her snide little remarks..."

Snails frowned, looking confused. Given his understanding of things I imagined he should look confused more often. "But why would anypony hang out with somepony like that?"

"I don't know..."

Snails' voice took on an alarmed tone, "What if she's using illegal magic or a changeling or -"

I laughed bitterly and shook my head. "No, Snails, she's not that sort of monster. She's just a mare who knows how to charm stallions. They tell me that she's not so bad once you get to know her, that she's funny and intelligent, but I don't want to get to know her." With a small snort I resumed pacing. "I don't want to give in and let her think she's won against me. I want to beat her. I want her to know that NOPONY messes with Diamond Tiara and gets away with it!"

"So..." Snails seemed to be straining himself over the acting of thinking. "Do you win if I'm not from lesser birth any more in a week?"

I ignored the misuse of the term and came to a halt as the glimmer of hope appeared. If it were possible... "Well, it certainly would surprise her..."

"Then I'll do it!"

Baffled, I looked at him. It hadn't really occurred to me that he had a choice in the matter.

Apparently he interpreted my look as something else, for he blurted out, "'Cuz you was being nice before she came over and now you look upset and I dun wanna see you lookin-"

"It's fine, Snails, really," I interrupted, polite manner regained. He wasn't the type of pony I'd ask for help, but his enthusiasm and belief that it could be done had restored my mood somewhat. "So we're agreed, then? We'll work hard over the next week to get you ready?"

Snails nodded his big, dumb, face eagerly, sending his ruffled hair swishing about. I'd seen less ridiculous puppies. Still, while it was going to take a lot of work, maybe we could do it.

I smiled. "Okay, good! First things first, let's get back to that party! Try to follow my lead, okay?"

Author's Note

I have nothing against headcanons of Fleur being a nice pony, but I thought she might be fun mean. Also, I needed an antagonist and didn't want to use an OC.