The Life and Times of a West Hoof Cadet

When I came to, somepony had moved me from the floor to a booth. I felt the urge to vomit as I was lifted to an upright sitting position. Nimbus grinned at me as she sat down across the table and pushed a glass of water towards me.

“I told you Revenge wasn't for first-timers,” she said in a condescending tone.

“What the hay happened?”

“You inhaled your drink, which I recommend you never do again, and dropped like a stone.”

“You told me to drink it quickly.”

“I did. I did not say that you should dump the entire drink down your throat. Either you have jumbo coconut balls or you're really very stupid.”

“Buck you,” I responded, taking a sip from my water.

Nimbus laughed. “The good thing about this is that my respect for you has just, like, exploded.”

“Nice to know,” I moaned, pressing a hoof to my head. “I can NOT believe I was that stupid. How long was I out?”

“Meh, couple of hours.”

“Welcome back to the land of the livin'.” Tipsy leaned against the table. “How're they hangin'”

I moaned in response.

“I hear ya, filly. Nim leaves me feelin' that same way whenever she takes a seat at my bar.”

“And yet, you keep letting me walk through your door.”

“Well, I didn't say I didn't like your money or...” she glanced at Nimbus from the corner of her eye, “...your body.”

“'M gonna hurl,” I mumbled.

“Rainbow getting its revenge, Windy?”

There was a metallic clank as Tipsy dropped a bucket at my hooves. “Let's hope your aim is better than your ability to hold your drink. Keep the mess to a minimum, please and thank you.”

I doubled over and noisily emptied my stomach into the bucket. Nimbus worked her way over to my side of the booth and was gently massaging a pressure point between my wing joints. Immediately, my nausea was relieved and I felt significantly better.

I sat up and looked over at her. “Thanks. I didn't know you knew how to do that.”

Nimbus cocked her head and tapped her head with a hoof. “What? Did you think there was only air in here?”

“No, not really. It's just...I thought your expertise would fall more along the lines of pretending to be sober and know the best sexual positions for increasing stamina.”

Luna damn my smart mouth. I fully expected Nimbus to shove her hoof down my throat, but, much to my surprise, she started laughing. Hard.

“Oh, wow,” she sighed, wiping the tears from her eyes. “That was a good one, Windy.” She turned to look as the front door opened. “Stallions?”

I sat up and leaned over the table. “In a fillyfooler bar?”

“Must be lost.”

My jaw hit the table when I recognized one of the stallions, “Tor?”

Nimbus pushed herself up on the table. “Who's Tor?”

“Tornado Kicker, he's my brother.”

“Oh, he's cute. What about the other one?”

Tor had introduced me to his companion, a massive pegasus with a charcoal-colored coat, before and I fought to dredge his name up from my memory. “Uh...Typhoon...er...Season! Typhoon Season, that's it!” I watched as the two wandered up to the bar, pausing occasionally to admire the passing mares.

I nudged Nimbus. “Let's go mess with them.”

She chuckled and followed me as I slid out of the booth and trotted up to the bar. We took stools on both sides of the stallions. I sat next to my brother with Nimbus next to Typhoon.

“What are you doing here?”

Tor glanced at me. “Hey, Wind.” He turned away for the briefest moment before snapping back around to me, his eyes as wide as saucers. “WIND!”

I grinned, “You know you're not old enough to drink, little brother.”

“Please don't tell Mom.”

I tapped my chin with a hoof. “I don't know...”

“Oh c'mon, Wind! Me and Ty were bored and there's nothing to do in this city. We just wanted to check out the fillies.”

“So you came to a fillyfooler bar?”

His ears fell back. “This is a fillyfooler bar?”

“Well, duh. Why do you think you two are the only colts here?”

He shrugged. “I just thought we had come across something pretty awesome and nopony else had found it yet.”

“Right,” I snorted. “And those two?” I pointed over at the mares in the corner, who were still making out.

He shrugged again. “Mares gone wild?”

I rolled my eyes, “Colts.”

Tipsy wandered over, “Hiya, boys. Welcome back. What can I getcha?”

“Oh nothing for them,” I said. “My brother and his friend are still underage.”

Tipsy's expression darkened as she turned to Tor. “That a fact?”

Somehow, my brother's ears managed to fold even further back as a cheesy grin appeared on his face. “Hey Tips, me and Ty are just a couple of stallions lookin' for a good time. You know how it is.”

The barmare was not amused. “Well, your 'good time' could have cost me my license, my business, and my reputation so I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.”

“Tips-”

“Now.” The tone in Tipsy's voice scared even me and I got the feeling she had something hidden behind the bar to deal with unruly customers.

“But-”

“You heard the mare,” I growled. “You and Ty get your plots back to campus quick, fast, and in a hurry and I might be inclined to not tell Mom that her little bad-ass and his deviant friend have been out breaking the law on her bits.”

“Windy,” he whined.

“Vanish Tornado, bucking riki tick, and take Typhoon with you.” I pointed towards the door.

Just then, it occurred to me that I hadn't heard Nimbus say a word and I glanced over at her. She was staring at Typhoon, who was becoming increasingly uncomfortable and his eyes looked everywhere but at her. Her face was completely expressionless but her gaze was as hard as Thunderforge Iron.

She held that expression for a few moments more before leaning in close enough to lick his nose. I didn't hear her voice but I saw her mouth move. “Buh-bye.”

Ty practically flew across the bar and out the door. My brother slunk along in his wake, thoroughly emasculated and embarrassed.

“Sorry about that, Tips,” I apologized. “My brother is a total bonehead who likes to pretend he's older than he actually is.”

“It happens,” she said with a smile. “Good lookin'-out. I had no idea he was that young. I owe ya a big one. Tell ya what, your money's no good to me. Anytime ya wanna booze up, it's on me.”

“Sounds like fun,” Nimbus, who had shuffled over to me, said in a low, sultry voice with a suggestive glint in her eyes.

Tipsy placed a hoof on Nimbus' nose and shoved her off of her bar stool. “Don't listen to the idiot.”

“I never do,” I replied with a wry grin.

x----x

Tornado and Typhoon had disobeyed me. They had not returned to campus like I had ordered but were waiting for us when we left The Moondancer.

I scowled, “What are you two still doing here? Haven't you caused me enough embarrassment for one day?”

My brother scuffed at the cobblestone street with a forehoof, “Listen, Wind, we're sorry. We were bored and there was nothing to do.”

“Why didn't you do your assignments,” I asked as the four of us started walking back towards campus.

“Because we were trying to reduce our boredom.”

“Don't be smart with me. Nim, back me up on this.” I turned to where Nimbus had been but she had disappeared. My gaze roamed the street, searching for the mare. I finally spotted her, with a white-coated stallion, at a nearby intersection. She said something to him and shoved him away. As she tried to leave, he moved to block her. She turned suddenly and picked up her pace. He followed her, trying to press his muzzle between her legs. She bucked suddenly, catching the larger stallion in his chest and sending him sprawling.

I called out to Tor and Ty, “Guys, Nimbus is in trouble.” I broke into a gallop, with the two of them on my tail, and led the way across to the intersection. I saw Nimbus rear up on her hind legs and flail her forelegs for a moment before bringing them down on the pavement. She would have crushed the white stallion's skull if he hadn't rolled away. He spotted the three of us charging towards him and fled.

“You two,” I called to my brother and his friend. “after him. Try and catch him but don't hurt him.” I got out of the way as the pair tore past me in hot pursuit of the stallion. I turned to Nimbus, who refused to face me. “Are you okay?”

“Fine,” she replied. Her voice sounded somewhat thick and she shifted slightly.

“Nim, who was that stallion?”

“Nopony.”

“That didn't look like you were talking with nopony.”

She gave a harsh, humorless laugh. “Y'know, Wind, my grandmare lived to be one hundred and twenty years old.”

“I don't understand.”

“Y'know what her secret to longevity was?”

“No.”

Nimbus turned to me with such a fierce scowl that I gasped and took an involuntary step back. “Minding her own Luna damned business,” She snarled.

“Alright, alright, calm down. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to.” I soothed her. “I'm just worried. It looked like you were in trouble.”

Nimbus sniffed, “I'm a big pony. I can take care of myself.”

I heard hoofbeats behind me and turned. Tor and Ty had returned safely but were panting heavily and in a lather.

“What happened?”

Tor shook his head. “Lost him.”

“Fast...motherbucker,” Ty wheezed.

I nodded, “Alright. Let's head back to campus. I think we've all had enough excitement for one day.”