fak da police we're in equestria. where u at?
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fak da police we're in equestria. where u at?
Hi guys.
Im haj and this over here is my brother baj. Nobody really lieks us that much but its okay because we only get bullied on tuesdays. Also the jokes on them bullies because theyre not good at call of duty like I am. I think their jealous of me and my skillz. Baj is good too but secretly between you and me he's not as good unless it's a thursday then hes the best in the world after the dog.
Actually it was nether of those days and it was a saturday. There we where playing call of duty on the xbox (xbox is better than ps3 btw) when we saw this new DLC.
“oh shit when did this come out?” baj said.
“i dunno man but lets buy it.” said me.
“but we dont have any money.”
“i know lets use our mums credit card because we're such badasses.”
“yah I bet she doesn't even lift.”
I pressed the buy button and we instantly went to the map without any loading screens or anything or even something whatsoever. It was all colourful like something a girl would watch or like something when your on LSD. I'm not by the way.
Suddenly, we then we got sucked into the screen
“AHHHH!!!!!” we both scremed.
Suddenly we land on the ground in the colourful map.
“hey where did my guns go?”
“I think I'm sitting on them!”
I get up and find my bum touching something very sticky. It's all red to.
“what the fuck is this.” I say looking at the red mush I sat on.
“i dunno but nice kill man. Your K.D. Must be huge by now. Also you're a fucking cool devil horse right now.”
“sweet bro.”
“Angelbunny!”
“what the f*ck does this bitch want,” I say flexing my muscles as some stupid yellow horse comes my way.
“you sat on my pet and now it's dead!” the stupid horse wailed cradling the red mush in her hands.
Hooves. I mean.
“It's just a stupid rabbit. You can probably find one on ebay somewhere,” Baj said.
“Why are you even in a stupid horse costume?” I asked.
The horse just looked at us with tears in its eyes before ranning away.
“what is she doing.”
“i have no idea. She might be a spy though so lets kill her just in case.”
We grab some big branches from the trees nearby and run after the horse.
“Hey you know that horse has wings right. I dont think its a horse after all.”
“maybe it's a dragon.”
“Yeah,” Baj said. “let's kill it.”
I tackled the horse dragon to the ground and smashed it with the branch.
It died.
“now let's pull it's mask off.”
The mask came off and it was actually a skeleton underneath.
“maybe the spy was dressed up as a skeleton who dressed up as a dragon.”
“YEAH! They even got the blood right. Look.”
There was a pool of red liquid growing rapidly at the base of the spy-horse-dragon-skeleton.
We both proceed to pull the bones of the face off.
“What do you think you are doing?!” shouted someone who we actually don't know at this current state of time.
Baj looked up from the creature, his mouth dripping red.
“Bro what are you doing?”
“It's so tasty though.” Baj turned to the person who shouted. “Oi what the fuck do you want?”
turned out that it was another stupid horse thing. I mean who makes stuff like that?
“Hey I'm not some stupid-horse thing!” said the stupid-horse thing who could somehow hear my thoughts.
Woah.
“Lol, this horse has rainbows all over it. What a loser,” said Baj.
“Hey, im not a loser!” said loser.
“Haha LOSER!” I chanted.
Rainbow-Looser grew sad and looked down.
“Haha go die loser.”
“Okay,” said the soon-to-be-dead loser.
Rainbow dash then cut herself on a rock and died.
We laughed.
“hey we should kill all the stupid horses and find some dragons instead,” said Baj.
“Your right,” said Baj in response.
“Which way?” said Baj.
“Dunno,” said the Great Big Baj In The Sky.
So me and Baj just walked down the path. Baj and I then came to some village that looked really dumb because it had houses in it.
“Hi! I'm Pinkie Pie and I love everypony!” said some pink abomination who appeared out of nowhere.
“But I'm a horse.”
“That's the same thing silly!”
“Die.”
Me and Baj grabbed our pitchforks and speared Pinkie before impaling her on the nearby fence.
“AHHHHHHH!” sceamed somepony in the distance. “PINKIE'S BEEN MURDERED!”
“AHHHH!!!!” everyone else screamed.
“YES!” said a voice from in the croud.
“Somepony get Celestia!”
“here use my cellphone,” I said. I then checked my pockets but found that I didn't have any pockets so by extension I never checked my pockets. This made me sad.
“Where did my pockets go? Where did my phone go? Oh yeah I'm a horse.”
“Here, use mine,” said Baj, bringing his iPhone out.
“Baj where did you keep it?”
“In my bum.”
“Oh.”
“I don't know about the reception here though, it may be bad.”
“Dude it's bad everyone it's iPhone.”
Baj tossed the phone to the pony who had screamed for some Celestian but she didn't catch it and it hit the floor with a splooooosh.
“Well that was weird,” I said.
“I'm a pony,” Baj said.
“Yeah that's weird too.”
All of a sudden the Sun went very bright and some huge pony with wings and horn transcended from the heavens accompanied by a choir singing choir stuff.
“Fuck.” we both said.
The thing landed and there was a blinding light. I couldn't see anything.
And then I woke up.
“THANK THE LORD IT WAS ALL JUST A DR-”
“Haj we're in prison you twat. Pony Prison.”
“Shitcunts.”
Author's Note
dedicated to my best buddy cassius5293
dont worry you can be in the next one
