Nikolai had never been one to sit around the fire and sing with his fellow man, but as he sat in his cramped little alcove, his meager fire only warming him enough to feel the wrenching hunger is his gut, he yearned for the atmospheric sounds of drunk men butchering traditional drinking songs and fumbling about for more spirits. The only respite from the gnarling wind was the sharp echo of wolves howling from the mountains, which he was sure would find his corpse soon. God, he prayed it would be soon. He had not eaten for days, and the water he had stolen on his exit from the city had frozen in his metal flask. Soon, he would be just another soul claimed by the harsh Siberian winter.
The fire was shut out of existence by a particularly strong and well-aimed gust of wind, forcing the alcove to embrace the bitter darkness of the night. Nikolai sighed, and reached into his pack for his last remaining tinderbox. He spilled the contents onto the icy floor of the alcove, for his hands were too cold to sense what things were just by touch. As he did, he spotted his father's pistol, a family heirloom he had stashed just before the MGB agents crashed down his front door and tore his house to oblivion in search of "confidential documents" they claimed he was hiding. He relit the fire for the final time, and picked up the gun to examine it. His father claimed to have killed 20 men with this gun during his time in the Army, and it had as many notches in it's receiver. He depressed the magazine's latch and held it to inspect it further. It was empty, save for a single small-caliber round.
Nikolai nudged the round from the magazine and wedged it between his numbed fingers, contemplating that most unspeakable of actions. Until now, his hereditary stubborn nature had forbidden him from committing such an act, but as he stared at the round, he prayed for the 7.62mm release. The fire beside him threatened to give out once again. The wolves howled. The blizzard gnarled. He had nowhere to go, and nothing else to do. When life gives you lemons...
He reset the round and inserted the magazine. He chambered the round and put his finger into the trigger guard. He took a moment to reminisce, thinking back to the better times, before the Party had taken everything he'd had. He thought of his father, and felt the full shame of what he was about to do.
"Mne ochen' zhal', otets."
He pressed the barrel against his right temple, and with a single pull of the trigger and a flash of light that illuminated the alcove more than the fire ever had, Nikolai was no more for this world.
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He'd half-expected the cold floor of the alcove to greet him, but was surprised to find himself enveloped in a strange warmth. It surrounded him, penetrated him. For the first time in a long while, he felt as though he could not be harmed, nor could harm. This peace gently persuaded him to open his eyes, and what he saw was breathtaking. An endless expanse of purples, blues, greens and reds, with tiny specks of white that resembled stars twinkling about. The only point of focus in the Aether was a large, stark-white, winged, horned Equine. He stared at it and it stared back with kind, knowing eyes and a smile that was almost...motherly. They sat there for what seemed like an eternity, exchanging glances. The white equine broke the silence first.
"Hello, Nikolai." Her voice was smooth as silk.
"Hello."
"Do you know where you are?"
Nikolai cradled his head in his hands, his answer coming to him straight away. "Well, I died. So this must be heaven." He looked back at the pony. "And you must be God."
She chuckled, almost patronizingly. It was the most beautiful laugh he'd ever heard. "Not quite, Nikolai. Close, but not quite." She stood, extending her wings in a stretch and began walking towards the knelt human. Her form was as magnificent as her voice, and he could not help but be engrossed in her beauty.
She stopped and sat gracefully when she was less than a foot from him. "Nikolai...You've met with a terrible fate, haven't you?"
He could no longer hold back the flood of emotion he was experiencing, and threw his arms around her, finding respite around her neck. He sobbed, letting the stubbornness go and releasing the pent-up anger and sadness he had suppressed. She returned his embrace and wrapped her wings around him, filling him with even more of the wonderful warmth. "I-I'm so sorry!" He cried, as he realized the full weight of what he had done.
"It's alright Nikolai. You're safe here. They can't take any more away from you."
Eventually, His sobs turned to whines, then to sniffles. She did not hesitate or attempt to break the embrace until his breathing had returned to a normal. She pushed him away slightly with her hooves just enough so that she could look him straight in the eyes. Her smile did not waver. "Better?" He nodded softly, not sure if he meant it. "Good." She stood, turning from him. "Come with me."
He stood as she started walking and met her slow, meaningful pace. "Where are we going?"
"Nowhere in particular, though I find it is easier to discuss heavy things when one is walking." He nodded in response, and they walked for awhile with no end in sight. Again, she was the one to break the silence between them. "Nikolai, you realize what you have done? That you can never go back to that world?"
He was silent for a few moments after she finished, contemplating. "Yes."
She seemed satisfied with his response. "What you committed was an act that most sentient beings see in the worst light. Suicide is, to most, the worst thing a sentient being can do to itself."
He stopped walking, his head hung in shame. Tears that he did not have threatened to appear in his already tired eyes. "I know."
Stopping as well, she turned to face him. "You were scared, hungry and alone. Abandoned by your own with nowhere to go." He looked at her, pleadingly. He begged her with his eyes to stop, but he knew she wouldn't. "A fate I would with upon no creature."
She took his face and held it with a wing, wiping his tear-stained cheek. "You had no other options. What you faced was a fate worse than the alternative. You only choice was the bullet." He nodded, as though he needed to confirm what she was saying.
"Which is why I'm going to give you another chance."
His eyes widened with a mix of hope and confusion. "You...what?"
"I'm giving you a chance to redeem yourself. To prove to the world and yourself that you are, in fact, worth the energy it took to create you."
