Why Do I Feel Cold When My Heart Is Warm?

by Yatagrasu

Rating: everyone
Tags: Sad, Original Character, King Sombra, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1685

Thoughts and emotions alone can create curiosity and ideas, and believing in one can change the life of someone else.

Before the powerful, alicorn princesses banished Sombra, and before he ruled the kingdom, he had a brother. His name is not known throughout history, perhaps only to Sombra. And when Sombra goes mad with power, he has to cope with something with something that he never experienced before, and that is, pain.

Published 2013-08-02 18:50:03 UTC
Last updated 2013-08-02 18:50:03 UTC

Lost Everywhere

On some occasion, for some reason, we've known each other as far as any of us can remember. I do remember the day when we left our land to seek an adventure! Not to mention thrill, excitement, and oh the curiosity we had to just see another creature besides us, specifically talking about the changelings, or one the dark magic Unicorns. We did, didn't we? I do remember the day when we first met, and even though we might be different, I feel as if though, something is tugging my coat ever so slightly. I feel really cold. I haven't felt like this in a long time, and I'm sorry for talking like this, but, every living thing knows that this time will have to come.

Dear Sombra,

Well, hello! This is really an awkward surprise, even for changeling talking to itself. Well, uhm, how do you do? I hope your fine, blah blah blah, rest assured that everyone writes like this because no one can come up with a better way to start a letter.

Never mind my silliness, I like being childish sometimes, perhaps for the fact that we didn't have much of it, but I'm getting off the subject, technically. You know what? I always wanted to be that special changeling that shouted "YAR!" while riding the high seas, but I don't know even if they do that. Make a myth out of everything slowly, and everyone forgets the truth. Forgetful of me, we did ride the high seas, but on the verge of a high storm. Who knew that our journey would be so dangerous? Heck, I love thunderstorms in the middle of an ocean where no changeling has been before! Of-course! What kind of adventurer wouldn't?

On the second thought, maybe not. It's just too cold, speaking of cold, my hooves are freezing. I'm all confused and lost in the middle of an icy cave. So I decided to write this letter to inform you of something.

I know that I always seemed to be the careless type. Even Mother and Father knew of it, but to be honest, sometimes I was just 'afraid'. I was afraid that becoming different would hurt me, or, I used to think that no other changeling would accept me, and by the time I realized this, I was already too far gone. Careless, I was, I know, and I'm sorry. I'm frankly sorry, if there was a gift worth a million apologizes, I would buy it, but there seems to no such magical item. I'm sorry that I let everyone down at the last minute, because I was afraid of what would happen to me. I'm sorry if I wasn't the one that always did its duty. I'm sorry I wasn't the one when other changeling would always trust, and no matter how friendly they would treat me, I wouldn't return the favor as much as they did. It was not that I didn't like them, or hate them, or anything like that, but I was 'afraid' that I would somehow break our chain of trust.

You knew that, and yet you still trusted me as a brother? Why? Usually, my mind is all fuzzy, but right now, I don't feel normal. I feel somehow sick, tormented sick in a way, as I could not sum up my feelings at this particular moment.

...Changelings, spirits of might and magic, chaos and destruction, beasts and monsters think that everything could be written down. I don't feel like that. Not right now, particular. A part of me is dying.

...Yesterday, but you came to visit me in my icy prison, you told me that we'll make it through after what happened to the other changelings, that we'll forget about them soon, but that I should not come out until you ask me to. I'll obey that. You, with your face expressions and speech, told me that we will not survive. Everything good must come to an end, and everybody knows that. You know that, too.

Just... Give me a moment. I want to cry, and I know why. You, and I, are the only 'pure' kind of changelings alive. We are the ones that have seen the great war start. We seen death in our childhood. We seen our parents pass away before us, and we were just ten.

I don't understand this word. Hatred isn't something small. It isn't just a word. You bring it to me so that I can feed on it, separate it from the kindness of the Crystal ponies. Returning the favor that they act under your command. You feed on it. You bring it to me in a crystal heart shape, and then you go out, do your duty as a king of the Crystal Empire, and bring the rock-heart shape thing to me.

Dear Brother, somehow, I don't feel this is alright. This 'ponies' that I've never seen before, do they need this? Is this an element to their nature? I already told you, I'm dying. You haven't come till now, and now I'm scared. I don't have the love of a child, or the kindness already in the elderly, or the compassion of the random stranger that greets you for no reason. I have hatred. I've never been in so much pain, and never did I ever think like this. I feel like empty, empty as if a giant hole is in my head, and I'm trying to fill it, but no matter what, I can't.

I don't exist anymore. I wonder what would have happened if I never lived? If I didn't exist suddenly. Out of the blue, I'm taken of my own life, and then I would see what life would be without me. I'm groaning, I'm crying, I'm hurt really bad from the icicle on top of the caves. I'm lonely, I'm desperate, I'm incomplete. Fractured, thinking, sad, cold, miserable. Do changelings cry? And this is nothing. I've never pondered. Is this called life? As far as changeling school teach us, we just have to take care of others by sucking the hatred, nothing else. We would not feel the hatred, and magically make it vanish.

From a little story I read, I guess it's a bit off-topic to as what I'm saying, but I wouldn't be here anymore, even if you do return. Beautiful hearts aren't those which are perfectly stitched, but those that are torn, battered, with pieces hanging from the heart. They might not look perfect, but they are like that because of some pieces of their own heart that they gave away to others. I wish I could do that. But it's too late. I could never talk and not frighten anyone I meet.

And I feel pain for something I never did. My heart shrank, and my whole body with it. I feel colder by the second. I'm still waiting. I shouldn't. I don't know if you're coming or not. Or anyone else with you.

Will it make a difference to you if I lived longer? I know you do not care about me now. I saw in your eyes power and greed the last time you came here. The last time you came you, you stormed off as soon as I ate of what was left of the heart. If I could come with you one day? Will it make a difference anymore? Will I destroy more lives, even when I don't want to?

I'll wait. I have hope, perhaps, you will come to me any minute. And this hope, I never felt it before, but this fire is dying. Doesn't matter. I had to, one day, I knew that I had to.

I'm waiting. Patience is a great medicine.

I'm learning so much in one day. I know you'll read this when you return, and you'll be proud. But I hope amazed! I'm still waiting.

My only friend is the cold, harsh wind right now in the cave. This pencil and the notebook that I carry around as a journal.

I want to laugh. I can't. I want to cry, but I do it so easily. I'm still scared. I know the real Sombra will return, but not you. I feel guilt, and I already know this feeling. Changelings don't. At-least my spirit will live on knowing that I was special, different.

I feel... lost. My bed is just a few dead leaves. I'm still scared. I wish mom and dad would be here.

I'm still waiting for the minute you'll come storming in from the mouth of the caves.

It's the next. I know, it's always the next, and this next minute is near now. I can sense it.

Waiting, lost, sad. I'm still waiting for you. I should sleep, I feel drowsy and sleepy. My wing is on a broken icicle, and I can't move it.

I feel like I'm dying. I know I'm not. You'll never let me. I'm still waiting for the day when you'll take me out of here. I want to see your empire. Even if I want to, I can't. I'm lost in this desolate cave.

My face lands on the cold ice. So cold, but an adventurer has to take risks. I'll sleep, and then I'll wake up, right?

Falling asleep, bit by bit. I wake up soon... What if I don't?

I'm too sleepy to think about that. But good luck with your kingdom.

I don't know if you'll find this letter when you come back. The wind is blowing hard, and unless I manage to tug it to my heart, it'll vanish, just like...You.

I'll be waiting.

Good bye.

Author's Note

Also, pure changelings were the ones the fed on hatred, and left love. The impure ones act vice versus.

The great war changed them, and due to this, Chrysalis came into power as a dictator.

And Sombra became power hungry, with greed and lust because of his dark magic and the rule on the empire.

Criticism is highly appreciated. :)