Troubleshooting Reds from the Infrared Market

by MarcusFirehaven

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Other, Adventure, Random, Princess Celestia, Crossover, Dark, Main 6, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1292

A crossover with Paranoia. Troubleshooters find trouble and shoot it, but Friend Computer picks up an anomaly that could destroy the entirety of Alpha Complex. The Troubleshooters have to fix it!

Troubleshooters shoot trouble, says it right there in the name! However, when some anomaly that threatens the entirety of Alpha Complex's existence happens, will the troubleshooters be able to fix it?

And is another universe the cause?

Crossover with Paranoia and Paranoia only. Any belief that it isn't is doubting Friend Computer and doubting Friend Computer is treason.

Contains absolutely no metagaming!

Published 2013-08-15 06:00:03 UTC
Last updated 2013-08-15 06:00:03 UTC

The Computer is your Friend

The Computer is your friend.

That statement is said a lot. By Infrared civilians, robots, Intsec, and Bubble Bounce Beverage machines on occasion. The computer is our friend, he watches over us, makes sure Communist don't do evil Communist things, and sends the Troubleshooters to shoot trouble! This brings us to our dear friend Hacke-R-B1T, or "Hacke" as his friends call him. He is of Red clearance and a Troubleshooter. He is never without his not-so-trusty Red clearance laser pistol. He had to go to the Infrared Market some day, hopefully on a day there is an excess of laser pistols, or a Cone Rifle! A Cone Rifle in his hands, blowing everything up that slights him...

But then he would be a traitor for blowing everything up...

Communists, he would blow up all of the Communists that slight him

Hacke wears black shoes and pants, and wears a red jacket that denotes his clearance level to everybody. He has brown hair and green eyes, which isn't a major detail you should really care about. He walks the same path to work every day, but this had already happened, he is working on getting to the briefing room without any chance of death today.

He carefully observed his surroundings and noticed several obvious threats that could end with him having to be a new clone, the janitor-bot was mopping the floors, several people were entering various doors, one guy was angry at a Bubble Bounce Beverage machine and shaking it, and three people were having a pleasant conversation. All of these events could be hazardous to his well being.

He started dashing through the hallway, stopping to slide across the wet floors to avoid slipping, ducked into one of the side rooms before the Bubble Bounce Beverags machine exploded due to the cans exploding from being shook too much, then ducked back out another door (but not before grabbing a few personal assistants while nobody was looking) to avoid talking to John and his group. Fuck those guys.

Hacke entered the debriefing room to meet his friends, Jason-O-MLY (Orange clearance, blonde, green eyes), Sarah-R-LYH (long light brown hair, blue eyes), and Terry-B-LUE (the big black guy, buzz cut black hair, brown eyes). They were techhnically friends. They still haven't started shooting him, at least. Terry was the odd one out here because he was Internal Security, an IntSec boy. He also had a Cone Rifle.

On the screen, a picture of an eye appeared. It was the Friend Computer appearing to give them the Briefing.

"Good daycyle gentlemen, we have a problem." Friend Computer said, "In the year 143, I discovered anomylous behaviour outside of the dome. Namely, the sun had not come up for a daycycle. The problem was pushed back for a time due to extra Communist behavior, but it has happend again. Yesterday. I require you to go outsidd and find out the source of this anomoly."

"That it?" Sarah asked.

"I also require you to fix this anomoly, if it happens again, what if it stays stuck in eternal nightcycle? How wil our internal wind plants function without the sun to power the fans that make the wind?" Friend Computer asked. "Our special spherical solar panels may be able to run on moonlight, but not as strongly, meaning we would have to run the nuclear plants harder and risk nuclear problems and more radiation in areas outside of the nuclear plants, and we would have to cut power to entertainment."

"No! Then we wouldn't have the Comunist Blaster arcade machine working! I have high score!" Jason said with a quite apparent worry, "My high score will be reset!"

"Precisely! Now go, before there is the chance of the etenal nightcycle to happen!" The Computer said before the screen turned off. Then it turned back on. "You will be provided a fairly decent amount of equipment and enough happiness meication for a month. Failure to complete the task before the eternal nightcycle will result in execution and template erasure. Have a nice daycycle." Ten he left again.

"We get to go outside!" Sarah said! "This is astounding! We'll be the first people outside since the Big Whoops! Isn't this exciting!"

"You say it like it is a good thing, it could be radioactive beyond reason." Hacke said.

"He has a point," Terry said, "Plus we could encounter members of the Sierra Club society so close to the edge of the dome's boundaries.

Alpha Complex is domed, and hidden from the rest of the world with a hologram emitter making it look like a hilltop was over the domed city. Nobody has been outside ever since the Big Whoops.

They were going to change that last bit.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Princess Luna was getting used to life in Equestria in current times. After the whole Nightmare Moon thing, she was told by her sister to relax, and that while she was learning more about current pony society, she was to be as non-formal as possible, as she was stuck on the moon for the last thousand years.

A few hills became mountains in the time she has been alive, but there was one that, in her memory, never appeared to grow. Somehow, she always noticed it. A little bit east of Ponyville, between two real mountains, was a single hill. Over the millenia she had seen, that hill never grew. She brought attention of it to her sister, but Celestia just told her it was probably nothing.

She was going to check that out today.

She waited until it was night and her time to raise the moon. After she did her returned duties, she went to the balcony from her room, jumped off, and took flight, leaving behind a single note.

Dearest sister,

That hill is strange. In the thousands of years We have been upon this world, We have not seen the hill grow, though the mountains neighboring it did. This peculiar instance is why We left. Thou would not let Us, so We leave in silence.

Thine dearest sister, Princess of the Moon,
Luna

Nobody saw her leave.

Author's Note

Hello citizens. This was the first chapter. Welcome to the story. For those unaware, the characters are from a tabletop game called Paranoia. The clearance levels are based on the color spectrum, Infrared being portrayed as black, who are also the least trusted but least monitored clearance level, and Ultraviolet being potrayed as white. Everything is color coded. Everything, to represent their clearance levels. Red gets the short end of the everything with gear that is just as likely to harm them as to help them.

Cone Rifles are basically rocket launchers.

Bubble Bounce Beverage is a soda that, when shaken, explodes. Function as makeshift grenades.

Troubleshooters shoot trouble.

The Infrared Market is the black market, except they just cell what is made in surplus. They are just as likely to have 500 spare 1 megaton nuke grenades one day as they are to have 500 spare pencils the next. They are the only source for useful gear, R&D stuff is just going to be double the pain to the users.

Everybody is part of a secret society. Everybody. Even the guy who puts sodas in the Bubble Bounce Beverage machines.

Nobody actually knows what Communism really is. They spread around the teachings of Groucho Marx and John Lennon and not Carl Marx and Lenin.

This information is Violet class. Knowing that the information is Violet class is Blue clearance information. Please report to the nearest termination booth. Have a nice daycycle.

Also, I used the

tag to do that thing with the note.