"Oh, thank you, Harry!" Fluttershy said as she gently took the cookie being offered to her. The bear growled in response, a sound that would make anypony close enough to hear run in fright, but Fluttershy knew better. Harry was was as friendly with her as the rest of her critters.
The early spring wing brushed against her mane and feathers, ruffling them lightly, as the sunlight bathed the meadow with life. She smiled, such a perfect sight, to be around her animal friends, as she munched on the cookie—cinnamon with chocolate drops, her favorite.
Many ponies would say that this is what life was supposed to be, having only some great moments with friends and pushing through other would-be less important dates. But not to Fluttershy. She knew that life wasn't like a storybook, divided into chapters that reflected only the greatest moments in a pony's life. To her, life was everything, everywhere, every time. It wasn't just in the small things, nor on the big happenings. Life simply was, and she knew that each and every moment of it was to be cherished and enjoyed.
She sighed, basking in the presence of the many critters surrounding her. All of them were behaving so well. Mister Mousey had even brought his family, something Fluttershy has seldom seen happen. Even Angel, her usually grumpy, snow-white bunny seemed to have a good time. All that is missing, she thought, looking at the grass, gently bending to the wind's will, is my pony friends. But that's okay, I'm sure they're having a wonderful time as well!
She took a small teacup and brought it closer to her muzzle. She sniffed, taking in the sweet aroma of her strawberry tea, and pursed her lips, redying herself for a sip. A blue-jay suddenly landed over her shoulder, prompting the mare to yelp and spill a bit of her tea.
"Oh goodness!" she exclaimed. She wasn't mad, though, she knew Mr. Jaydee would never, scare her on purpose. Turning her face to meet the bird, she noticed that he kept fidgeting, looking eagerly back at her. "Mr. Jaydee, what is it?"
Just as she asked the question, all the animals in the meadow stopped what they were doing and looked back to the blue-jay. She opened her mouth to inquire once more, but was silenced when the bird struck a pose and began to chirp a melody. Her ears immediately perked up as he sang. The music, while definitely carrying an exotic tune, was not all that unfamiliar to the mare.
The seconds slowly ticked into minutes as all the critters, silent as they were, enjoyed the pleasant sounds. Once the blue-jay was done, all the animals began to cheer in their own ways. Chirps, gentle growls and even claps were heard. The bird bowed, using his wings to express his gratitude at such heartily ovation.
The commotion slowly died down, and the blue-jay struck another pose over Fluttershy's shoulder. She, knowing that he was about to repeat his impromptu song, took a quick sip of her tea, unwilling to disturb her animal friends during the spectacle. Slowly turning her head to face the bird, her ears perked up once more. Mr. Jaydee opened his beak and inhaled deeply.
Cuckoo
"Huh?" was all she managed to blurt out before the sky started dissolving, pooling over the meadow like a thick glob of oily paint. Confused, she looked at her animal friends and noticed that she was standing alone as the meadow slowly disintegrated. Suddenly aware of the lack of weight pressing against her shoulder, the mare got up on her four hooves and looked around. As strange as the situation was, Fluttershy wasn't scared in the slightest.
She curiously looked over the edge of the now nonexistent meadow and saw nothing but a pitch-black void. Gravity ceased to exist, but no signs of nausea afflicted her. Her confusion lasted for only a brief moment, as she heard a distant echo.
Cuckoo
Cuckoo
"Oh!"
Cuckoo
Cuckoo
Cuckoo
Cuckoo
Fluttershy slowly opened her eyes, fighting against the urge to just ignore the sound, roll around on her sheets and try to pick up the dream where it left off. It was of no use, however, the precise memory of it was just out of her reach. She remembered her animal friends, a meadow, a picnic and happiness, but all the details were muddled in her brain, becoming fainter and fainter as the seconds ticked.
Opting to get the day started, she stretched her forehooves and wings, groaning slightly as the articulations gently popped. Her back and hind legs were next, leaving her in a strange position that, although looking quite uncomfortable, seemed to her the perfect position to lay for the rest of the day. She stood still, allowing her eyes to wander around her room. The blurs around her slowly but surely gained shape and she eventually sat down onto her mattress.
"What a pleasant dream," was all she commented after repressing a deep, drowsy yawn. Smiling, she took to the air and slowly floated down the stairs, her wings' beats making no audible sound. She noticed a few snores coming from her living room and glanced over to see a pile of sleeping animals. A sound coming from the window took hold of her attention. She fluttered her wings and approached the glass and noticed a small, brownish barn owl poking it with its beak.
"Oh, Mr. Owly! How nice to see you!" she said after opening the window. The owl hooted to her and took flight towards the corner of the room, to a hole carved near the ceiling. Once safely inside the opening, the owl looked at her and hooted once more.
"Well, a very good night to you too, Mr. Owly." She paused and poked her chin with a forehoof. "Or morning, I guess." She allowed herself a small giggle at this, but quickly held back her mirth when she remembered all the still-sleeping animals inside.
Humming softly, the mare made her way to the kitchen, where she poured two cups' amount of water into a kettle, being as cautious with the noise made as ever, and set it to heat on her stove. With that task completed, she set out to do the rest of her morning chores. The seconds marched on as Fluttershy filled many bowels with crispy leaves and tomatoes or acorns and nuts or just all-purpose animal rations.
Just as she finished filling the last bowl, she became aware of the sound of boiling water coming from the kettle. She rushed over, trying her best to make her hoofsteps as quiet as she could, and turned off the fire. Opening a cabinet, she produced a large jar, containing various leaves and herbs and took a spoonful of it before dipping the spoon on the water. She stirred for a moment before closing the jar and placing it back to where it belonged.
"Just one more thing left to do." She opened another cabinet and took one single carrot from the bowl filled to the brim with them inside. She carefully washed it in her sink and, once she was satisfied with the result, closed the water off and dried the carrot with a kitchen towel.
"I'm sure Angel bunny is going to love this!" she said and took the carrot in her mouth as she carried the kettle with her, setting it on her living room table. She took the carrot from her mouth and held it in her forehooves as she walked towards the bunny.
"Good morning, Angel! Look what I got you," she said, smiling, as she held up the carrot on an extended forehoof. The bunny, however, seemed awfully sleepy, as he didn't move an inch. "Come on, Angel bunny. It's time to wake up! Just look outside—" she turned her head and looked with joy at the golden rays of sun that pierced through the canopy of the nearby Everfree forest, "—it's such a beautiful morning. You don't wanna miss out on that, don't you?"
She turned back to look at him once more, but the bunny remained silent, unmoving. A small thread of worry webbed itself on her mind and she prodded the bunny gently.
It remained still.
"A-Angel?" She tried once more, with a bit more force this time, trying to get any reaction from her pet. "Angel, p-please, you're scaring me." She waited, hoping against hope that the bunny would turn around and swat her hoof with one of his little paws. The seconds dragged. The minutes sunk. And realization finally dawned unto her.
With one swift movement, Fluttershy grasped the bunny, holding him against herself as a mother would her baby. She noticed just how cold and flaccid the body felt against her coat, but she still kept on refusing to accept the fact.
"P-please wake up, Angel! I'm-I'm..."
Her hind legs suddenly gave up and she fell to the floor, sobbing. The tears trickled down her eyes, falling gently over the little animal's white coat, as if raindrops on snow. Her lips moved, but words failed her lungs. Her heart felt like it was going to burst from her chest. Mouth dry and mind in a haze, Fluttershy did the only thing her body allowed her to.
She screamed.
The funeral happened on the same day. The five of Fluttershy's pony friends showed up, along with Spike and her animal friends. All of them wished their condolences to her, who, much calmer now, accepted them gratefully. Not even Rainbow Dash dared to make a snarky comment on the occasion; she knew how much Angel meant to her friend.
The ceremony, if one could call it that, was fairly short. Everyone involved knew Fluttershy enough to see that she needed some time alone. Her pony friends all said their goodbyes to the mare, exchanging tight hugs, honest tears and more wellbeing wishes before departing. She, however, stood by the closed casket, looking at it forlornly.
"Goodbye, Angel. And... thank you," she said, planting a kiss on the oaken wood before nodding to Harry. The bear cast a sorrowful look to the casket, one that lingered for a little too long, before he began to lower it into a deep hole dug in the ground. As she walked back to her cottage, all the animals she passed by looked at her with the utmost sadness, but always leaving her be. All the birds seemed to have gone silent and even the wind itself seemed to partake in this sorrow, as it brought a piercing cold with.
As she approached her cottage, she saw Pinkie Pie seated by the door, poking at the dirt with her forehoof. Fluttershy couldn't help but smile gently at this. It was true that she wanted to be left alone, but Pinkie demonstrated so much tact at the funeral that Fluttershy was convinced that this was one of the rare, but all too serious Pinkie Pie moments.
"Hello again, Pinkie," she said unable to hold back her smile. Pinkie Pie got up from her position and tackled Fluttershy, hugging her even tighter than she had before at the funeral. As she returned the hug, she became aware of just how much Pinkie's body shook.
"Oh, please don't cry, Pinkie. If you start crying, then-then I'm going t-to start crying a-and... and then..." She heard her friend inhaling deeply and holding her breath.
"Oh, Fluttershy! It's so horrible!"
"I know, I know," she said, massaging Pinkie's back with a forehoof in a desperate attempt to calm her down. "But we-we can't be like this. It's not what Angel would have wanted."
Pinkie Pie broke he hug and looked at her friend. Although her eyes were stained with tears, the gentle smile on her face made Fluttershy calm down considerably.
"I'm glad you came, Pinkie."
"I know you want to be left alone right now, Fluttershy, but I just came back to see how you were doing. I-we worry, you know?" Fluttershy couldn't help but to tear up at the comment. At that particular moment, she considered herself the luckiest pony alive, to have such wonderful friends. Both ponies nuzzled each other briefly.
"Do you want to come in, Pinkie?" she asked, walking to her door and opening it a little.
"Well," Fluttershy detected the uncertainty that faintly lingered on her friend's tongue, "that's also part of the reason I came here".
"Oh?" She turned around and saw Pinkie—poking at the ground once more—biting her lower lip.
"Well, you see... I... wanted to see if you... um..."
The seconds spent in silence made it obvious to Fluttershy just what Pinkie meant, making her sigh. "It's alright, Pinkie. You can say it."
"Are you... going to... do it?"
"Yes." Fluttershy's answer was short and strangely apathetic. Pinkie began to panic when she saw her friend moving to wards her door, just about to open it.
"But that's not what Angel would've wanted!" she blurted out and immediately shoved both forehooves in her mouth. Fluttershy stopped mid-step and remained still. Pinkie looked around herself, searching for anything that would get her out of the situation she just created for herself.
"Pinkie... am I," Fluttershy turned around, breaking the silence and looking at her friend in the eyes. She stretched the silence to its breaking point as she searched for every emotion currently being displayed in the cerulean orbs, "am I a bad pony?"
"No, of course not, Fluttershy! You're a wonderful pony! Everypony knows that!" The exasperated reply came, not too quickly neither not quickly enough, for Fluttershy's relief. Still, the thought of such a thing crossing her mind... Fluttershy couldn't help but look to the floor, feeling ashamed of herself.
"You're... not afraid of me, are you, Pinkie?"
The pink mare instantly cleared the distance between herself and her friend and looker at her in the eye, a pang of hurt tickling at her heart. "Don't you dare say that ever again, Fluttershy! You're one of my best friends and I love you very much!"
She couldn't help but smile at this. "I love you too, Pinkie. You, Rainbow Dash, Rarity... all of the girls. I really love you all so so very much! You all are the best friends a pony could ever hope to have!" she said and tackled Pinkie, surprisingly surprising her.
"I will be honest, Fluttershy. I don't really understand it. And... I am ashamed to say that when I first discovered it, I really was afraid of you-"
"Oh..."
"-but I trust you now. I may still not understand why you do it, but I trust you, Fluttershy, so I am not afraid anymore," Pinkie said, tightening the embrace in order to drive her point further.
"Thanks, Pinkie. When you first found out about it, I was also afraid, you know?"
"Huh?" Pinkie let go of the hug and looked at her friend, confused.
"I thought you wouldn't understand it. Well, you still don't, but... um... I was afraid. I still am. Whenever I walk by it I shudder, thinking what would become of me if you were to tell on me-"
"Never!"
"-what would the other girls think... but, um... I trust you too, Pinkie. You're one of my best friends."
"Fluttershy, this is something serious. It's not good for you."
"But I... like... it."
Silence reigned absolute as Fluttershy's cheeks burned with shame. Pinkie seemed somewhat appalled by the declaration, but stopped herself from blurting out anything she'd regret later. After a few tense minutes, Pinkie finally gathered her courage.
"Fluttershy, what... I'm going to ask you is probably going to sound very mean, so I'm going to apologize right now for it." Pinkie bowed her head to her friend. "I'm sorry."
"It's okay, Pinkie," she said and gulped.
"Fluttershy, have you... ever... you know, with, thought about it with... ponies instead of-"
"... yes," she said, barely a whisper.
"And have you ever... thought about doing it to a live one before?"
Fluttershy couldn't believe what she was hearing. The images of such flashed in her mind, bringing along a wave of nausea that washed over her. Her emotions too volatile, she began to cry once more, shaking her head from side to side as the tears spilled from her eyes. Pinkie quickly hugged her friend once more, starting to tear up herself.
"Oh, I'm so sorry! I-I didn't mean it like that! P-please stop c-cr-crying!" she blurted as the sobs came climbing through her mouth. Fluttershy began to cry more intensely than before, as the unwanted images of screams and suffering clawed at her mind.
Both stood like that, hugged and bawling out, for what seemed like an eternity. Each trying to draw strength from the other. Eventually, however, both calmed down sufficiently.
"It's okay, Fluttershy. I trust you. I trust you. I trust you!"
"I wouldn't. I couldn't, Pinkie! I've never even thought about it! I just simply couldn't!"
"Shhh. It's okay," she said, stroke her yellow friend's mane. "I trust you," she said, one more time.
Fluttershy cleaned her eyes and sniffed as she walked towards her bookcase. She and Pinkie had parted ways only moments ago, but what Pinkie had said—suggested—would haunt her for days to come, she just knew it. She couldn't blame Pinkie though, she simply didn't understand enough to even try to walk Fluttershy's hoofsteps. They, however, parted on good terms, with Pinkie unable to express just how sorry she was and Fluttershy feeling more and more guilty about it with each apology.
She looked around, checking to see if any animal was in the house, and found comfort in the fact that she was indeed alone. She pushed one particular book on her bookcase down and soon the rumble of gears and springs echoed through her come. The bookcase slowly opened in, revealing a narrow passage of cobblestone. Without pause or fear, Fluttershy walked forward, taking care to close of the passage behind her. She has been careless once before, and it nearly cost her a good friendship.
As she walked towards her destination, she couldn't help but shudder as Pinkie's question assaulted her once more. Part of her was angry, How dare she suggest that I'd ever hurt a living creature?!, part of her was sad, She is afraid of me. I know she is!, but the majority of her brain couldn't blame Pinkie for any of it. She was, after all, an outsider. She didn't know what went on in Fluttershy's head. All she had to guide herself was what she could perceive. No... Pinkie really isn't the one to blame.
A strong scent made its way inside her nostrils, making her stomach churn. "Ugh... this is the worst part," she said. The mare paused and laid on the floor, resting while her olfactory nerves began to accustom themselves with the aroma. It was only when it was barely noticeable that her stomach decided to behave. Glad that it was over, Fluttershy got up and resumed walking. She saw the light at the end of the corridor, just after a sharp turn, and picked up the pace. She could feel her heart starting to grind against her chest in anticipation. It has been long since she had visited, but it would all be worth it, she was sure. She began to gallop towards it, choosing to disregard the smell that had suddenly gotten worse.
She arrived at a large, round room with walls of cobblestone. The walls and ceiling were both decorated with viscera. Organs, bones, flesh, skin and muscle adorned every corner of the room, all in different stages of decomposition. Dried blood—some pools so old that looked as liquefied charcoal—was splattered against the walls, doubling the gore that covered them. Fluttershy instantly smiled as she looked up and saw the many intestines that dangled from the ceiling chandelier.
"It's so... beautiful," she murmured as her eyes scanned every inch of the room. She took her sweet time, admiring years upon years of work. It was true, she'd never hurt any living creature—pony or not—for this, but when one of her animal friends happened to fall ill to a disease or die a natural death, she couldn't help herself. That also didn't mean that she would ever refrain from treating any injury or illness a critter friend of her would happen to have. No. Fluttershy valued life greatly, above all things. But she also thought death to be so...
"... mesmerizing," she muttered, seemingly hypnotized by it all. She skipped around the room, feeling as giddy as a filly Pinkie Pie would on carnival day, until she came close towards the stone table in the middle of the room. Her smile immediately died out when she looked at it.
On top of the immaculate stone bed lay Angel. His expression still as peaceful as it was when Fluttershy found him this morning. She approached the small bunny slowly and caressed his head with a hoof. Soon, the tears returned to her eyes as the joy in her heart gave way for a sorrowfulness that seemed to weight her entire self down.
"My dear, beautiful Angel," she said, kissing his forehead. "I'm so sorry you had to go. I-I wish-" There were the sobs again, pushing against her chest and making her tongue stutter. "I l-love you, Angel."
Knowing that every second spent looking at the bunny's body would add more and more to her grief, making it almost impossible for her to process him, she produced a sharp, slightly bent knife and a bowl that rested nearby and placed them onto the cobble. She then took the body and gently placed him inside the bowl before taking the knife and making an incision on Angel's thigh. She dragged the knife over the skin, as smoothly as an ice skater on Winter Wrap Up, taking great caution not to go too deep, and extended the wound to the abdomen, grunting all the while.
"The first part is always the hardest," she said, cleaning the sweat from her brows and positioning herself again. She took the knife to Angel's other thigh, once more dragging it until it met its twin-cut on the abdomen. Then, being as careful as ever, she pulled the knife across the bunny's tummy all the way through his thorax, stopping at his throat. She could already see and smell the irony scent of fresh blood as some of it spilled onto the bowl.
She removed the knife from the extensive wound and set it aside. Then, as her wings fluttered gently, she took both bunny's hind legs and lifted him up until he was upside-down over the bowl. Blood that once pooled inside the cavity now flowed freely into the recipient, filling it quickly. Once the flow was reduced to a few sparse drops, she gently shook the body, trying to salvage as much blood from it as possible. Satisfied, the mare laid down the dead bunny onto the stone with great care.
After landing, Fluttershy looked into the bowl and lost herself as she stared at the crimson liquid. She wouldn't try to drink from it, no. She had already tried that once; not out of urge, but out of curiosity, ending up appalled by the alien taste which was, definitely, not for her. So, instead of sticking her head forward, she placed both her forehooves inside the container and shuddered as the cold, lifeless fluid touched her fur. She allowed herself time to enjoy the feeling, but eventually removed her forehooves from it, leaving behind a ruby-red stain on the already dark-red floor.
She blinked, looking at nowhere in particular, and smiled. Without giving it much thought, the mare picked the bowl and lifted it above herself. Hoofs shivering, she tentatively allowed a single drop to fall onto her forehead. She exclaimed in surprise and quickly turned the entire recipient over, bathing herself with Angel's essence. She shuddered once more as the liquid coated her entirely, sticking to her mane and fur. A feeling almost like, but not quite as exactly as, being coated with honey.
She began to touch herself; feel herself. Not in her nether quarters, but through her entire body. She began to prod at her own head, feeling how the liquid moved to her will as she brushed her hoof softly against it. Then it moved down to her neck and chest. She breathed in deeply, enjoying the feel of her lungs slowly expanding, pushing and rotating her ribs. The putrid smell that followed didn't bother her in the slightest, for this is when Fluttershy really felt alive. Nothing could take this moment away from her. The only pleasure derived from the act was one of pure joy that coursed through every fiber of her being. Joy at being. Joy at existing.
Her legs gave up and she had to catch herself before landing face-first on the cobblestone floor. Her muscles spasmed ecstatically, sending more and more pulses and shivers up and down her throat. Her fur and feathers all stood on their end, allowing a more perfect contact between the blood and the skin beneath her coat. It was too much for the small, timid pegasus, as her brain was overloaded with a sense of peace and utmost tranquility. Her eyes began to close out of their own accord as her heart slowed down considerably.
Withing seconds, Fluttershy laid sleeping with life itself.
The hours ticked, eventually bringing the small mare back from the most pleasant slumber she had in months. As she moved, she could feel the crust of blood, now completely dry, cracking and breaking. Savoring the feel, although not as empowering as the one she felt hours ago, she very slowly and cautiously got up on her legs. Once standing, she tensed all her muscles and, in one single movement, stretched herself, breaking the solidified life essence that coated her.
She looked to Angel's body and smiled warmly, mentally thanking the bunny for this opportunity. She heard a grumble and gasped.
"Oh my... how long was I asleep?" she asked nopony in particular. Her stomach twisted, turned and seemed to tie a knot around itself. Fluttershy was then made aware of just how hungry she was. "Gosh, I really lost track of time. Is it lunch or dinner? Breakfest? Oh my..." she took the bowl from the floor and placed it over the cobble table Angel was lying on.
"I think I'll go an see if Twilight would like to come. She always speaks of this restaurant with daffodil and daisy sandwiches. I just feel like trying them out. Oh... and, of course, I'll ask Pinkie and Rarity. Oh, and Rainbow Dash and Applejack too!" she smiled to herself. It is true that Fluttershy has been a recluse for some time, but now that she had discovered these wonderful friendships, she couldn't help but feel like cherishing them the best she could. I just have to take a careful shower first, she said, blushing.
With a skip to her step, she made her way towards the narrow corridor. Before she left, however, she looked behind and admired once more her hall. She remembered when she had first painted these walls; the fresh blood slightly reflected the light off the walls, making the whole room gleam as if it was being blessed by Celestia herself.
"Goodbye for now, my friends. I love you all so much!" she said—her voice as true as her heart—before she galloped away, shedding a single tear for her dead, but never forgotten, animal friends.
Author's Note
A.K.A. Fluttershy's four arcs.
1) The half of me.
2) The life of me.
3) The guilt and fear of me.
4) The other half of me.
From my Psychotic Syndromes blog post:
Schizotypal Disorder
This is characterized by an eccentric behavior and alterations in both the thought and affection that are similar to those of schizophrenia without, however, characteristic signs of schizophrenia. The symptoms can show inappropriate affection, tendencies to back from social interaction, eccentric behavior and bizarre ideas that cannot be classified as delusional.
